❁

get lost in the garden of my mind

[lamentationsofasunflower]

he left his colors

on my skin,

and blue

was his

favorite shade.

[lamentationsofasunflower]

she walks with a heart that remembers eden, though her feet have only known dust.

[lamentationsofasunflower]

rain promises

a hope for growth;

but i fear with him,

i may drown.

spelling me

with warmth;

the sun loves me from afar,

until for it’s gaze

i begin to starve.

moon captures me

with light,

asservates i’m the star,

but even stars

need space.

[lamentationsofasunflower]

you’re an empty well

and the wishes have all dried up

i’m out of change anyway

you’ll never have enough

you convinced me i was ordinary

that you were worth the cost

but i see to the bottom

i can’t lose what’s already lost

happy endings aren’t in stone

drafts aren’t the stories that live

love cannot come from a fountain

that never had it to give

after the math

-mj

[lamentationsofasunflower]

once upon a time

there was a girl

made of dreams;

a butterfly,

in a forest full of trees.

the wind would twirl her

as she danced among the flowers,

the trees would sway in enmity,

for in freedom, laid her power.

until one day,

they sought it for their own,

poking holes in her flight,

ensuring never more to be flown.

now every night when the wind blows,

you can hear them all sing,

“come see the girl

with earthbound wings.”

[lamentationsofasunflower]

a collector of the

tormented,

i am tragically

forlorn artwork

hanging in his gallery

of desolation.

[lamentationsofasunflower]

the clouds

accompany me in tears,

when it rains, it pours,

who am i,

if not yours?

saturated in uncertainty,

i am the center of the storm,

but it is here i will choose to grow

rather than conform.

[lamentationsofasunflower]

you don’t want to remember,

but how can i forget,

when a reservoir carved from tears

dwells below my bed?

the curtains have been drawn,

for the heart out on display,

ironic how the lover

seems to warrant all the blame.

maybe if i had tore down the delusions,

your facade would falter,

because only then will you taste

the blood in the water.

[lamentationsofasunflower]

drowning the empty in red,

or maybe it’s drowning me

fullness never arises

in an empty bottle,

though it gives

a comfortable familiarity;

to the many ships i harbor,

all lost at sea,

as i am the wave,

which each collided

violently.

i consider a sign of caution,

beware of the tempest:

for she offers no remorse

to attempt to conquer her

is a vain ending course.

[lamentationsofasunflower]

yesterday she was yellow

today she is blue

tomorrow it’s likely

she will be green

it is her favorite too

[lamentationsofasunflower]

step into my conscious

my heart is the pallet

[lamentationsofasunflower]

measuring myself to

standards,

that don’t equate

to yours.

if perfection

weighed worth

i’d only ever

come up short,

insecurities stay exposing

the fragmented

pieces of me,

but you placed

an unfamiliar song

inside my heart,

and from the tethers

of my limitations

i am set free.

[lamentationsofasunflower]

following you

into the dark

certain your love for me

was liken unto the sun

i collected memories

as if they were stones

along the way

only to watch you build

a monument

to your selfishness

[lamentationsofasunflower]

emanating from your lips,

fallacies bled onto my skin,

covering all rationale

with grace,

allotted

only to yourself.

labeled empty,

as you excavated

a path through me,

on the way to entertain,

the idealized parts of you.

[lamentationsofasunflower]

new beginnings can be frightening at first, and painful to remain firm in closure with choices regarding habits we have that no longer fit in with the version of ourselves we desire to be. not every chapter in life is meant to be forever, so embrace change and make your resolutions become reality by setting realistic and achievable goals, then make conscious choices to maintain them. as we look to the new year, let’s not count the days, instead let’s make the days count.

[lamentationsofasunflower]

the days become nights,

nights become day,

vows of supplication

become obscured,

until i cannot differentiate 

the present from

the past anymore.

the clocks wind forward,

as internally mine

ticks backward,

awaiting cessation

from this revolving pattern,

intent on retaining me in it’s orbit.

[lamentationsofasunflower]

“i should have known.” she cried.

“how could you? you aren’t like them. people like you see the good in everyone, but some people just have far too much evil in their hearts.” he reassured.

lifting her up from the rusted metal steps in the backyard of her childhood home, he wiped the tears from her cheek that she fought so desperately to prevent from escaping. he wondered what she was told that tainted her sense of self, but wishing he could absolve her from the inscribed chapters of disparage she kept locked away.

under the stars, her viridescent eyes sparkled in the street lit glow, so he pretended as if he was placing them in her hair in the shape of a crown. once satisfied with his work, he leaned in close enough that their noses were nearly touching, and whispered “there, now i hope you see yourself for the goddess you undoubtedly are.”

“shut up” she laughed, for he had turned her mourning into delectation, even if briefly, and he silently vowed to render her every galaxy in the universe to ensure it remained.