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[dozydawn]

hybrid japanese lily

[laneaches]

Enough with bullshits. From now on it’s gonna be smooth sailing. Yesterday was supposed to be a lucky day instead I had to listen to bullshit. I suspect it’s gonna rain but I don’t care. I’ll listen to Neil Young. I’m often seeing colors in my mind during yoga, beautiful compositions. Last night it was dark ancient pink, forest green and butter yellow 

[laneaches]

The air is warm and smells like wildfires. I closed my eyes and picked a card from the deck. It's a ten of cups and I decide it's a homecoming to myself. Deeply bored, sleep-deprived, cold, I slept in this morning and then made french toast using raisins and walnuts sourdough

[laneaches]

I'll be back bearing buttons

[laneaches]

Saturday Sunday

[laneaches]

It's like I got my shit back together. Peeling boiled potatoes until the sun shines. It’s 8 pm. Fingertips burned. Bf came back from his 3-week work travel to update me on international affairs. Evidently we risked to become dust once again while l was unaware and he was making advertisement. He tells me geopolitics news with his own peculiar point of view, universal and not totally neutral. I've learned about funny things regarding a guy named Donald, but the only thing I knew about was the landing on the moon, such a fairy thing

[laneaches]

[laneaches]

can you believe i am a real person outside of the internet? I've spent so much time being mediocre now and i'm lacking discipline this week, but hell, i'm drinking a margarita before dinner, first cocktail i had in three weeks. i've been so good at pretending i like my job that I forgot im not really meant to be at the office. The bay laurel is sprouting, as well as the thyme and the persimmon tree and the hydrangeas and the calla lily. im watching taxi driver again and realizing only now how good the dialogues are. it's the anniversary of remembering what feeling mediocre means on a daily basis, five years, hurray

[laneaches]

[laneaches]

I've stopped posting because ultimately my days are the same as yesterday, so I notice the same things, and when I start to write about the same things every day I get unbearably irritated as even my narrative fails to bring something new

damn what's new in the past three months! the novel is coming to an end, I changed the brand of the coffee I drink, fuck this is depressing. this inspires me to make big changes, gotta think about it

[laneaches]

I won't give you anything new to read

Thursday 6.30 pm.

[laneaches]

I’ve got so much to unpack

[laneaches]

[laneaches]

This is the time to feel the momentum towards midsummer, to shed layers and skin, to deny ourselves peace and relax and work hard on what matters most to us

[laneaches]

I was hiding from dissatisfaction and resignation. It reached me and i'm Running away. strumming a sweet song on my guitar. Stepping back and looking at the bigger picture. The moon descends again. I will have the same instant coffee. Failure is not an option. I have to keep going.

Open your heart. Observing the recurrence of the word dream more than the word love. Typing with a massive blister on my middle fingertip. February is not a season. Missing action verbs and adventure. Getting distracted before bursting into tears.

[laneaches]

January

[laneaches]

The thrilling feeling when nothing is under control, dinner won’t be ready before 9 pm, phone is 1 % away from shutting down, on the stove s