Macbre Minds

hey y'all I'm Jay. I am black non-binary trans person and I write short horror fiction (for now)

[cherrycarat]

someone said every artist should draw miku at least once so i finally did

[inprnt]

[hackfurs]

"suggest this less" "show this less" "recommend this less" i hate how across the internet our ability to curate our own experience, hell even our ability to give a definitive fucking NO to shit, is being stolen from us. its infuriating. "okay, we wont show you this as often... but we will still show it to you" MOTHER FUCKER I SAID NO.

[lani-machinists]

Word To Dr. Umar and "Pro-Black" Queer Anatogist

I write this as a gender liberationist, dialectal materialist, black nationalist/Afro-pessimist, and Pan-African. Before all that,I am black (American born African) person from the perspective of someone who has lived all their life in Thee decaying Empire. Secondly, as a Black woman of transgender experience. These two are the lens from which I see the world, how I am treated, and how I interact with society.

With the introduction out of the way. This is titled “Word to Dr. Umar” mainly because of a mock debate that I had in my head, however I feel like beyond the projection of him or the real person himself I want to speak to the person that he represents. They are from many different ages, perspectives, class backgrounds and regions of the world However there are two things about them that form a common thread.

1. A seemingly genuine care in some way about the plight of Africans

2. A contradiction, where in some way their conditioned beliefs put them at odds with queerness.

They may have this antagonism in spades. Some only a residual that needs a little push to let go of, not nearly as antagonist as Dr. Umar (a reference point). Others are 2 twice as virulent. Either way I hope whomever finds this can listen with an open heart.

This isn’t a piece that is meant to be a critique (though is may be convicting), I understand that you see many critiques of yourself (black cis men) and discerning the one with value from the ones without is tiresome. The time and place for that is not here. Though I can’t promise that my authenticity while loving won’t be without biting rhetoric. As I am still in a place of pain and exhaustion myself.

I love my people. Black people that is. Every cultural nuance and collective mannerism fills me with an indescribable joy. When they(nonblacks) harm us, especially our children, fury and rage fill my body. I become possessed with the desire to impart cruel and unyielding violence to those who find it so easy to harm us.

I desire to give myself wholly for our eventual liberation. So, it no less wounds me when people who I feel, would share similar sentiments to the passage above label my loyalty tainted, because of my queer attraction or expansive and fugitive relation to gender. I don’t have allegiance for non-blacks who ‘share’ my identifiers. We are culturally incompatible to form a “community” primarily because they have yet to see me and my blackness as human.

That is one point I want to stay on. Often it is brought to us that we are loyal to our queerness and not our blackness, or that we prioritize it over our blackness. This assumption fails at 2 things.

1. that this assumption does not represent the majority and it exposes that you have not honestly engaged with us.

2. The material condition that create this form of alienation

The second point really needs examination. The causal discrimination in conversation, the specific religious institution that calls us evil and worthless, the outright violence that keeps us hiding. Has it ever crossed your mind as to why black queer folks feel strained from folks that look like us? What other reason would we want to be separate from friends, family, and community? Another more common claim is that blackness and queerness are mutually exclusive. There is a lot to say about this, much more than I can put into this essay. I will say that if you can see that blackness can influence how you see yourself as a man. If it colors jobs, beliefs, goals, politics, basically everything. Why would Queer Attraction be different? What about it that it is so alien that, unlike everything else being black, it just can not intersect? Where being black fundamentally changes how it works, the specific marginalization, and how people interact with us. If you feel it to be so alien that you cannot conceive of there being any relation or interaction, then explain how it different antiblack views of you as alien?

[lani-machinists]

Word To Dr. Umar and "Pro-Black" Queer Anatogist

I write this as a gender liberationist, dialectal materialist, black nationalist/Afro-pessimist, and Pan-African. Before all that,I am black (American born African) person from the perspective of someone who has lived all their life in Thee decaying Empire. Secondly, as a Black woman of transgender experience. These two are the lens from which I see the world, how I am treated, and how I interact with society.

With the introduction out of the way. This is titled “Word to Dr. Umar” mainly because of a mock debate that I had in my head, however I feel like beyond the projection of him or the real person himself I want to speak to the person that he represents. They are from many different ages, perspectives, class backgrounds and regions of the world However there are two things about them that form a common thread.

1. A seemingly genuine care in some way about the plight of Africans

2. A contradiction, where in some way their conditioned beliefs put them at odds with queerness.

They may have this antagonism in spades. Some only a residual that needs a little push to let go of, not nearly as antagonist as Dr. Umar (a reference point). Others are 2 twice as virulent. Either way I hope whomever finds this can listen with an open heart.

This isn’t a piece that is meant to be a critique (though is may be convicting), I understand that you see many critiques of yourself (black cis men) and discerning the one with value from the ones without is tiresome. The time and place for that is not here. Though I can’t promise that my authenticity while loving won’t be without biting rhetoric. As I am still in a place of pain and exhaustion myself.

I love my people. Black people that is. Every cultural nuance and collective mannerism fills me with an indescribable joy. When they(nonblacks) harm us, especially our children, fury and rage fill my body. I become possessed with the desire to impart cruel and unyielding violence to those who find it so easy to harm us.

I desire to give myself wholly for our eventual liberation. So, it no less wounds me when people who I feel, would share similar sentiments to the passage above label my loyalty tainted, because of my queer attraction or expansive and fugitive relation to gender. I don’t have allegiance for non-blacks who ‘share’ my identifiers. We are culturally incompatible to form a “community” primarily because they have yet to see me and my blackness as human.

That is one point I want to stay on. Often it is brought to us that we are loyal to our queerness and not our blackness, or that we prioritize it over our blackness. This assumption fails at 2 things.

1. that this assumption does not represent the majority and it exposes that you have not honestly engaged with us.

2. The material condition that create this form of alienation

The second point really needs examination. The causal discrimination in conversation, the specific religious institution that calls us evil and worthless, the outright violence that keeps us hiding. Has it ever crossed your mind as to why black queer folks feel strained from folks that look like us? What other reason would we want to be separate from friends, family, and community? Another more common claim is that blackness and queerness are mutually exclusive. There is a lot to say about this, much more than I can put into this essay. I will say that if you can see that blackness can influence how you see yourself as a man. If it colors jobs, beliefs, goals, politics, basically everything. Why would Queer Attraction be different? What about it that it is so alien that, unlike everything else being black, it just can not intersect? Where being black fundamentally changes how it works, the specific marginalization, and how people interact with us. If you feel it to be so alien that you cannot conceive of there being any relation or interaction, then explain how it different antiblack views of you as alien?

[lani-machinists]

Trans Diaries: Sacrifice to Womanhood.

Such a sour development, change my voice, my face, my hair, and for what? To be seen as a woman? To be seen, viewed, vouyered. To be visually consumed. Why is that the goal. My heart is true. My soul is rooted, yet to be seen and accepted, these desires are chains that humans can not escape.

Your own voice, sight, and understanding are not enough, rendered inferior to the gaze and thought of others. The string of belonging wrapped tight around the neck. Why must my pure self be molded, my light be dulled to not outshine others. My heart be pushed away

[lani-machinists]

Trans Diaries: Sacrifice to Womanhood.

Such a sour development, change my voice, my face, my hair, and for what? To be seen as a woman? To be seen, viewed, vouyered. To be visually consumed. Why is that the goal. My heart is true. My soul is rooted, yet to be seen and accepted, these desires are chains that humans can not escape.

Your own voice, sight, and understanding are not enough, rendered inferior to the gaze and thought of others. The string of belonging wrapped tight around the neck. Why must my pure self be molded, my light be dulled to not outshine others. My heart be pushed away

[lani-machinists]

Sometimes i laments writing some things, but when the feeling hits me, i just have to get started. One thing i wish deeply that we wouldn't do with our revolutionaries( while this applies to everybody, my focus is on black revolutionaries/radicals) is reduced through the use of deification. The reason i call this a reduction is because that is what is happening. When these great thinkers, writers, and warriors go into the black ethos, especially those who were maligned by greater white society, there is a knee-jerk reaction to defend criticism lobe towards them.

This is understandable, part of the way and which the system censors ans suppress their ideas, and the work they did was by propogandize and manufacturing narratives that these people are either passive do gooder who never challenge or threatened the system in any meaningful way, or mindlessly "hateful", "misogynistic" and tyrannical as to dissuaded identity with the message they where putting put.

However, we do ourselves and them a great disservice by treating any and all criticism as merely lies perpetuated by the U.S. government and its white reservists. We ignore that these people are number one human beings, full of the same contradicts and compelled by the same systems that we are. Number two that what made them great was the desire and conviction to change themselve and the world.

The two people that come to mind is Malik El Shabazz (Malcom X) and Huey P Newton. Men that when the black community respectively are all greats the way that Jefferson and Robert E lee are greats for whites. For good reason these men ideas and actions had depth and impact still felt today. The change the landscape about how race and class was understand and was able to apply the colonial question the center of the black america conscious. Because of their great works and ability to do even more where murder by this fascists state called the "Great U.S.A". What i think, though people ignore, is the step it took for them to get to the place that they where at the time.

It was their internal conviction of how they themselve where also complicit in the system of exploitation. That push them to evolve and rise above it. It sensitive to bring this up because the fear is that it will take away from what they have done yet, i feel that adding these piece creates a full picture for us that is invaluable, even for the negatvie outcomes that bound to come.

With Huey P Newton and Malik El Shabaz in their past, they had exploited black women in their lives. This is something that when dialoging and discussing them has to be taken into account, thats become first and foremost gender marginalized folks within the black community matter. Our perspective, experience, and analysis are vital to understanding the overall black experience. Especially as it comes from being harmed by others in our community. The other reason this is important is because it allows us to understand how they went from that point to actually developing and advancing their understanding, especially around gender. Because they went through a form of self critique.

That self-crit and conviction is what is needed to give us an understanding of have someone evolves and i belief that why themselves didnt shy away from valling out their own past behavior, because had they not you wont get Huey acknowledging womens and gay liberation as need soldiarity with african struggle or Malik El Shabazz's states on how lifting of african women in the community through education and develop raise the community and how black women are the most disrespected group in the U.S.

Now it's not lost on me that if those especially for whom the stories hit personally, will se these two as many other of the common story of a black man of great acclaim and great work, using black women and other marginalize gendered folks as stepping stone for their ownself development. This can't be glossover nor convinced as an invalid analysis of the situation. The fear of this outcome that results in trying to dismiss these feelings or hide these actions only further widens this rift.

I propose that those who learn about their complete history and nuance and make the choice to break with them in ideological is where the most advanced evolution of the struggle is happening. Where we should give the most attention to in order to go further they where able to from their perspective

[lani-machinists]

Dusting off this blog and making an effort to write more, to formulate my thoughts, before just implusely making a tiktok post about the. I am going to try and let it simmer.

One thing that comes up in my mind is the idea i like to call "The heart of a communist," or maybe even "The heart of a revolutionary." The way I see it, these are interchangeable. What has cause me to think in that way is that in left leaning spaces, radical spaces, or any politically active spaces. There is a contradiction that often shows up. Where there is an understanding nominally that the world needs to change for the better for everyone. Also, with that is the technical knowledge you could call it, of the social systems of the world.

However, in the practice of their everyday lies, they engage in harmful and exploitive behaviors while being proponents of liberatory rhetoric. This is unfortunately very common. With this observation, I have noticed a dialectic. There are those whom the terminology is not accessible to them, and for one reason or another, political activity is minimal. However, their actions on a day to day basis are authentically the model communist. Through sheer personality or upbringing, they have the "heart of communist" that i refer to before. The characteristics of genuine compassion and aversion to exploitation actions even if societal forces work to coerce them into those positions.

One of the little even mundane ways in which i have spotted whom i could consider this is in fast food serves. The specific cooks that add an extra piece of food to an order. For no other reason then to do it, for no benefit to themselves and even moreso to what could be a considerable risk to themselves.

This action, amongst the many i feel, makes someone a communist in their souls even if they themselves wouldn't describe it. It is a character i myself wish to emulate. While i put a great deal of effort into matching my principles with my actions day to day. I can't really say that i have that heart yet. Though the great thing is that it isn't something you have or dont, but something that can be built.

[lani-machinists]

Dusting off this blog and making an effort to write more, to formulate my thoughts, before just implusely making a tiktok post about the. I am going to try and let it simmer.

One thing that comes up in my mind is the idea i like to call "The heart of a communist," or maybe even "The heart of a revolutionary." The way I see it, these are interchangeable. What has cause me to think in that way is that in left leaning spaces, radical spaces, or any politically active spaces. There is a contradiction that often shows up. Where there is an understanding nominally that the world needs to change for the better for everyone. Also, with that is the technical knowledge you could call it, of the social systems of the world.

However, in the practice of their everyday lies, they engage in harmful and exploitive behaviors while being proponents of liberatory rhetoric. This is unfortunately very common. With this observation, I have noticed a dialectic. There are those whom the terminology is not accessible to them, and for one reason or another, political activity is minimal. However, their actions on a day to day basis are authentically the model communist. Through sheer personality or upbringing, they have the "heart of communist" that i refer to before. The characteristics of genuine compassion and aversion to exploitation actions even if societal forces work to coerce them into those positions.

One of the little even mundane ways in which i have spotted whom i could consider this is in fast food serves. The specific cooks that add an extra piece of food to an order. For no other reason then to do it, for no benefit to themselves and even moreso to what could be a considerable risk to themselves.

This action, amongst the many i feel, makes someone a communist in their souls even if they themselves wouldn't describe it. It is a character i myself wish to emulate. While i put a great deal of effort into matching my principles with my actions day to day. I can't really say that i have that heart yet. Though the great thing is that it isn't something you have or dont, but something that can be built.

[lani-machinists]

[lani-machinists]

[lani-machinists]

[feefal]

Cell migration🧬

[lani-machinists]

Doing that Hyperbolic time chamber

[lani-machinists]

Doing that Hyperbolic time chamber

[maezanilla]

mob froggy umbrella…

mob froggy umbrella indeed....!!

[jasmindarnell]