Misplaced Lens Cap
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KIROKAZE
Jules of Nature
Cosmic Funnies
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Discoholic 🪩
h
Origami Around
#extradirty
hello vonnie
trying on a metaphor
Cosimo Galluzzi
@theartofmadeline
todays bird
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Monterey Bay Aquarium
Not today Justin
Today's Document
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@lankylegs
Gold. Susan Sontag’s most poignant meditations on love, in diary excerpts hand-lettered and illustrated by artist Wendy MacNaughton.
UPDATE: Now available as a limited-edition large-scale giclee print on heavy cotton-rag paper.
I know I've been away for a while... and this was too beautiful not to share...
"I'm only interested in people engaged in a project of self-transformation".
MY DRUNK CHRISTMAS: DRINKING GAME!
Cancer Spelling B at the Hospital
Friend: I guess I have to say I've used drugs on this intake form, right?
Me: Yes, you do. It's for surgery. At least you're not listing smack.
Friend: I just never know how to spell 'occasional', is it two c's or one?
Me: I think it's two.
Friend: I wrote infrequent user, just in case.
Me: Did you write 'pot'?
Friend: I was thinking marijuana sounds more medicinal.
Me: Can you spell marijuana, it's tricky...
Friend: intake form complete!
We need to celebrate what we have control over... so remember that you are that monumental. Go do something about it.
Cancer Can't Become the Norm
I can't write another open letter to Cancer. At this point it's like trying to engage with Santa Clause or the Easter Bunny. It's a fucking mystery. I have to write something, because I know my feelings are sitting in my stomach in a tight little ball of fury and fear. I feel helpless. I said it. Helpless.
One of my close friends has just finished her third surgery to remove wedges of her lungs so the cancer doesn't spread further. Yes, I said wedges. Yes, I know the visual you have just created in your mind and I agree... using wedges along with a major organ and the word "removed" is just wrong. Wedges should only be used in relation to pie. And underwear. Not your fucking lung. She's tired, she's in pain, and she just found out her chemo and radiation is planned for 6 months of treatment. There are no words for how much I wish she could be living her life fully again.
Last week, my other friend went to the doctor to receive the results of her biopsy for a lump on her thyroid. During the biopsy she was told it wasn't cancer, that it would be very rare if it was. Highly unlikely, said the Doctor. I don't think irony truly covers what happens next.
Sometimes, whether we like it or not, we know what we're supposed to do and where we're supposed to be. I'm learning to listen to my heart a lot more lately, and that morning I paid attention. She walked into the waiting room to get her biopsy results, looked over and saw me sitting in a chair. We both looked afraid, and I knew whether she needed me or not, I was there. Because that's what I would have wanted... because she would have been in the same damn chair for me. Yes, we're those kind of friends.
It's devastating to realize that right there, in that moment, will be a memory you will never forget. A moment in time, where your heart catches with your breath and nothing is ever the same. Why are the heart breaking moments so easily accessed in our memory files while some of the most beautiful, free moments of our lives get lost in the archives of our minds?
No matter who, or where, or when... cancer is never, ever fair or right or ok. I know for every person in your life, you've thought, why them? Why now? They don't deserve it. I know I'm not special in my anger, fear, and sadness. It still feels like too much. Tonight, I realized, cancer has become the norm. My two best friends have this disease and are both young, fit, and strong. It still isn't fair.
They will get through this, they will get it out of their bodies and be healthy again. Right now, none of that matters because of their pain. The weight of the unknown, the never ending days and hours and minutes waiting for the next doctor, the next test, and the next surgery date. The ragged feeling in their bodies when they tell another friend or family member, testing out the reality for themselves as they say the word cancer out loud. They will be ok, but at this moment, in their very separate ways with their different experiences... they are not ok. And I can't fix it.
A friend asked me the other day how I was doing and I replied honestly, "Sometimes a situation is so bad, worse than you thought possible, that you end up being calm. Because it's the only response you have left. It's what is needed." In my heart I know they will heal. So I hold onto that vision. I plant my feet in the fucking ground, grab their hands, look up at the sky with cinematic defiance and wait for the storm to pass.
Open Letter To Cancer
Open Letter to Cancer (Again Asshole)
Addendum: Cancer, you're not what is normal. You're not what we will talk about everyday. You're not them. We're a bunch of incredibly smart, stubborn, beautiful women and I will hold you down while they pummel you. It is going to be so embarrassing when we kick your ass. Which we will keep doing. Some days it will be with tears, other days with anger or exhaustion... but there will always be one constant. Perseverance, motherfucker.
This song played during savasana at yoga tonight... and I started to tear up. Just quietly, lying there as I thought of my friends and how much I wish I could let go of their pain and fear for them.
I love this... what a great way to look at life.
Lissie covers Kid Cudi - Pursuit of Happiness (love her CD)
Every Day People
I continue to be in my little reflective space, thinking, settling, and seeing. Still wondering and slowing things down in my brain and a little in my life as well. I've been home for a week, and although I've had my parents visiting the entire time, I'm easing back into my place in the world.
I'm doing the iGolu program again through work these past few weeks. A program that helps you shape your goals and create a vision for the life you want to be living. This week, I interviewed friends and people that I respect, which is always the most enlightening part of the course. I ask eight questions that will help me see myself through others' eyes and gain insight into how I show up for them. It's about being open, curious, and listening.
This morning, I had one of the more insightful conversations I have had in a while. I already love and respect this friend, and she is also someone that I am only beginning to know. To be honest, based on our developing connection, I didn't know if she would be able to answer the questions... was I ever wrong.
She shared her insights and thoughts so clearly and with such love and honesty, that I was overwhelmed with what I heard. There were moments where I was quiet, because I felt like she had snuck into my brain and was reading the crib notes on the back page of my subconscious. Not only did she share what I know to be true (or hope to be true), her words translated what I already know in a simple and clear way.
Here are some thoughts she shared that I will continue to practice and bring into my life:
You are totally yourself. I see you as someone who doesn't look externally for validation in order to be yourself. You don’t need approval to be yourself, you own your space but you do it in a warm way. You liberate others to be comfortable and to be themselves.
You like community and you need the balance of check-ins. You need that quality time to kick up your feet and laugh your ass off about nothing important. Then you can go off to wherever you're headed to and be dazzled and discover and brighten people by who you are. What seems to help you thrive is continual learning and exploration with a need to be balanced with grounding and checking in with friends, home, and sense of family.
If you unlimit your beliefs about what it can be or what it might be, there is no stopping your enchanted next three years from being a reality. I really think you’ll uncover amazing characters and amazing places. I think you can do whatever you need to do to realize that.
As your love grows, your love of life, and your love of yourself. As your capacity to love grows, your capacity to see and your ability to speak lovingly to power grows. to develop the amazing intuition that I know exists within you, that will be done through you learning to love. It all grows together.
So much of what she said connected with the thoughts and questions rummaging around in my head lately. Her most powerful message was unlimiting my beliefs, because I've been told this before. It was the first piece of advice I heard in the guided mediation I did this spring where I envisioned my life 20 years from now... That was trippy to say the least.
Do you ever get into that really quiet, reflective, weird space in your brain? The kind where every song you hear makes you feel like you're in a movie where the character has a momentous epiphany as soon as the refrain plays. Or the music and thoughts surrounding you, require a road trip with the windows down, wind in your hair, and no planned direction.
That's where I've been in my head lately... and I'm very thankful for the beautiful amazing companions who guide me along the way.
Neither a promotion, losing weight, finding a soul mate, writing a book, nor becoming a billionaire will ensure happiness. Nothing ensures happiness. No destination is great enough. No dream come true will do. Because happiness, that's not present at the start of a journey will not be present at its end. Après vous, The Universe
Spot on note from the universe - www.tut.com
Bob Dylan: Girl From North Country
Restless days of wonder, are meant for music like this.
Parents & Me
My parents have been here for 10 days and we've had a great visit together. It's been a year since I've seen them, so you can imagine the catching up and quality time that is needed. It's been a lot to come home from a long time away and have them visit, although it was my idea in the first place.
They have been so patient with my work and my schedule and my sneaking in yoga classes to have some quiet time in my head and body. It's been great to reconnect and we all feel fairly confident no one will die before Saturday rolls around and they catch their flight (and I embrace sweet, sweet silence).
Things this week has brought me:
Patience with a capital 'P' as my parents bicker and try to find the space they need. Patience also with myself as I fluctuate between being the adult, and being the 16 year old petulant teenager I surprisingly still have access to.
Scones. every. day. My mum baking her Irish scones will kill any hope of healthy eating, and also bring joy to my belly with a hot cup of tea.
Love as they try and get a snapshot of my life in my world far away from them. Asking questions about my work and my friends and my security practices at home with locking my door and my car.
Sharing healthy eating habits with my mum as I explain the unknown ingredients in frozen pre-packaged appetizers. Tonight she had her first Vietnamese vegetable wrap with rice noodles and shrimp. While my father persists with his Halloween candy and diet pepsi.
I know how proud they are of me, and how proud I am of them. they raised me to be kind, to be smart, to be confident. While I'm still working on the patience aspect, they're by my side as I practice the shit out of it this week!
Language Barrier
Da: So it gives you answers when you ask a question?
Me: Yep, you can ask her and she'll provide an answer.
Da: It's called Suri right?
Me: Siri.
Da: Suri, that's what I said.
Me: Not Tom Cruise's daughter, SEEREE.
Da: I thought it was a bit odd, named after his daughter.
