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Announcing the girldick-Kaiju artwork contest!
below I have excerpted descriptions of F1 and F3. DM or comment your visual interpretation, and the winning artist(s) will receive a print copy of F4!
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F1, the first Fury-beast that anyone knew of, came to San Francisco during the early morning of April 18. This was the whateverth anniversary of the original quake that had leveled the place. Perhaps this was the best way to celebrate. Its emergence from the bay spawned a gigantic tsunami that heralded great things to come that day.
I never saw a photograph of this first beast but Iâve heard it described as looking most like a axolotl that could stand up on its hind legs. This creature, although it was the hugest in mass, was apparently the most vulnerable to military weapons. Artillery doesnât have much short-term traction against a mountain, but when it lost its arm against the coordinated volley that descended from several fighter jets and the satellite-based Destructor Weapon, it regrew the lost appendage within minutes and continued to lay waste to inland California. Also like some Ambystomatidae, the skin of F1 shifted colors according to its temperament. Many observers thought it was the Father (or mother) of The Sway, because of the gargantuan swirling patterns that would sometimes form around it, cycling like planetary rings. But science could never pin that down. They hadnât been able to get so close to the being as it stomped zip codes into paste, one by one. It finally took a nap when it reached the Sierras.
Unlike the others, F3 descended from space, and began dry-humping Istanbul during the small hours of May 7.
This LSA was wingless, so how could it be from space, right? The onlookers in the surrounding regions were intrigued by this phenomenonâF3 came down with a somersaulting motion, a clean, white-hot arc from the heavens that emanated a steady, disco-like beat.
The creature splashed cleanly into the Marmara, the shockwave shattering city walls that had stood for over a millennium. Byzantine scholars were outraged. The denizens of the city, even moreso.
It then unfurled into the shape of a starfish and began rolling rather than stomping over everything in its path. F3 three also differed from its predecessors in this way: it was only a torso, attached to over twenty dicks that equaled or exceeded the torso in mass, and each shot a thick stream of pink acid the consistency of cake frosting.
Istanbul doesnât have excessive sprawl by comparison with some other cities, so it became clouds of powder before the sun set that day. The people had a certain advantage, though: many fled through the ancient tunnels and then east along Anatolia. The monster did not follow themâfor some reason it wouldnât leave the ruined city, even after it had rolled the same circuits non-stop for over a week. This had a strange effect: its dicks got bigger with every passing day, and its corrosive spray increased in range, eventually claiming Athens, Sevastopol, and even Damascus. The mega-starfish had a thing for very old cities. It wouldnât ever stop.
Theories emerged that F3 was the first gay kaiju.
This time, someone came up with a plan. Researchers had developed a bomb that used a hybrid sedative gas called [REDACTED] capable of bringing down even the colossal Fury-beasts. The modes of delivery had to be employed through trial-and-error, though. No one knew where the F3âs main ingest points were. But it kept going around in the same circuit all over Istanbul, never varying. So, after repeated failures by tanks and warships, a joint coalition of airstrike and satellite, like the force that had shot off the arm of F1, ultimately gas bombed the creature into submission. Sweet dreams, dearie.
No one knew how long the chemical would be effective for, so a rather novel plan was put to work: since the LSAs were either impervious to weapons or healed from any wounds inflicted, they were prime candidates for surgical experimentation and research.
The powers that be gingerly shunted F3 into an industrial hangar in Eastern Europe that had apparently been custom-built for this purpose. The complex stretched for miles and couldnât be approached without at least ten levels of eye-pattern, thumbprint, and semen authentication. Anyone who tried to get close to the hangar was machine-gunned or burned to death. Many journalists and kaiju-rights activists retired early in this manner.
Now, I donât know exactly how Regalia Corporation became instrumental in what happened next. They hadnât been a huge conglomerate, and not a huge contender in the travel services industry at that time. Perhaps they had known the right contact person or even had an insider within the F3 slumber complex but I must give them props for both their sadism and their crudeness. The opportunity was there and they took it.
With science, surgical saws, and an astounding supply of technology on their side, Regalia transformed F3 into a luxury cruise ship by grafting a dura-steel framework into the body. The creature was surgically altered into a more conventional star-shape, so the grid wasnât especially difficult to imagine on an architectural basis. They also installed a rather ingenious central power source that had kept the creature asleep, yet pliable with electromagnetic commands into its brain and nervous system. The Lindsay, named in tribute to The Middle Piece from âThe Human Centipedeâ, also served as a huge broadcast antenna for satellite uplink should such a thing be required. In the unlikely scenario that F3 woke up from its trance chemically-induced by [REDACTED], the satellite could be used as a backup in case of emergency. Itâs funny when you see how strangely things are connected by the fucks in power. Thank cis patriarchy, right?
F3âs lack of vertebrae and evenness of bone posed some complications, however. Despite the success of their initial experiments, nutritional plans, and macro-technology, the monster exploded before they could roll it out of the complex. Everyone within the blast radius perished, of course, and a kilometer-deep crater now marks the area. Geography professors say you could fit New York City inside of it. I think they should try that.
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