..... in a secret location in the New Forest
Oh blog oh blog why can I not keep up to you and give you the love you so deserve?
Ok what was I banging on about last time I wrote this?Ā Whoa back in Bristol, 2 months ago!Ā Iām even crapper than I thought.Ā Well at least you can infer from this that Iāve been having fun, too much fun to sit at my laptop writing about it.Ā And yes that is very true.Ā What you may also infer is that I am no longer having fun, and therefore am ready to shut out my current environment once again, get lost in this virtual world and vent some of my frustrations out here.Ā Rather here than in my workplace, ensuring that everyone keeps their heads...literally!Ā My weapon is my pen, and all that!Ā Well my qwerty to be precise.
But let me just state for the record that I am very happy.Ā Up until a week ago I hadnāt worked for three months and it was as good as it sounds.Ā I lapped up 3 festivals, unearthed new friends, conquered Bath, Devon, Brighton, Glastonbury, Portsmouth and got my head down in a truck in Scotland.Ā I also slept in Cheddar Gorge, legged it from a security guard at Shambala after sneaking in, lost control of my whole body from hours of laughing at Boomtown Fair (must have been the Sarsaparillas!), had a very memorable night at some services just off the M40 where I was mistaken for a hucker, discovered that the myth that you should sleep the night before an interview to be a complete fallacy, and last but certainly not least, in fact the mostest, I fell in love, with the man of my dreams.Ā My most fucked-up, dirtiest dreams like, but nevertheless... I found him!
Actually all that talk of my experiences and achievements (ahem excuse me I lasted 3 months without any money and not once going over my overdraft, well my overdrafts overdraft, for me thatās an achievement!) over this wondrous time has put me in a much better mood; maybe I donāt need to vent.Ā Maybe I can let it all go.Ā I mean, ācome on!ā not everyone can have the beauty in their life that I have.Ā I really should be thankful for what I have and pity my colleague no matter how unprofessional she is being.Ā Maybe I should just feel sorry for the immature cowbag, I mean itās not her fault that she is so bitter, insecure and jealous is it? (well it is!) Itās not her fault that everyone in her life has left her because she cannot see straight unless she is controlling the actions of everyone around her.Ā Ā No but really I need to stop this, this kind of behaviour is not good for my karma, Iāll just turn the other cheek, give her love, send out good vibes. Ā Surely then she will realise the error of her ways?Ā Oh whatās that?Ā Oh Iām the one whoās shit at my job!Ā Iām too young for this job despite the fact that youāre the one who is out of breath after stirring the frigging porridge!Ā Right Wench, consider this war.Ā I bet you 2 pairs of disposable gloves that I can wipe this arse, cream it and have his pants up in twice the time you can!Ā Ready steady pants down!
Care work is a funny thing because it is centred round human emotions and actions, the clients, their relatives and sometimes the carers.Ā Every time I tell someone what I do, the usual response is āoh so you wipe peopleās arses?ā and then my standard, embarrassment-saving response is generally, āErm arse-wipe technician if you donāt mindā, instead of what I should probably say; āYeah cheers mate for degrading me and my job, in front of all these people in order for you to get a cheap laugh!āĀ
But to be fair I do, and have wiped a lot of arses, and I can understand peopleās fascination with that, but the thing that people donāt realise is that, thatās the easy part!Ā Avoiding or pacifying potentially awkward, dangerous or volatile situations is actually where the skill comes in.Ā So the hard part is not wiping the arse, it is defusing the embarrassment of the situation.Ā
Generally its usually the clientās or their relatives emotions you are trying to deal with, which is why when your colleague decides to throw their emotions into the pile it makes your job twice as difficult.Ā No in fact it makes it 3 times as difficult because as soon as you stop working well together, the client picks up on it and the pile of emotion is added to three fold.Ā
Some carers if they have worked with a client a while, they can form a kind of possessiveness towards them.Ā They take control, they insist on fulfilling certain tasks as if others are not qualified, and take pleasure in private jokes they share with a client.Ā In a very cringeable way they almost act like jealous girlfriends and itās left me feeling really awkward at times.Ā Control is always a presence in care.Ā
The client has to relinquish their control sometimes willingly, often not, and so the way they keep it is by insisting that their rules are abided by, down to the finest detail; the flannel put back in the right place, the door left ajar at a precise angle, a budgie fed not one seed over.Ā I kid you not; these are all real examples, and only three of many.Ā
So on top of this, if youāre unlucky, youāll have a carer who is also trying to gain some control.Ā This carer will be desperate to impart her knowledge on you and show you that she has more experience than you.Ā If she is a trained nurse then youāre really in for it, (as is the woman Iām working with this week).Ā She will see this as an opportunity to get her ego stroked by her young protĆ©gĆ©.Ā Nah Iām afraid this isnāt my style.
Maybe it doesnāt help my situation that I look younger than I am and that I work in an industry traditionally worked by women reaching their retirement, but I am bloody good at my job and hate the constant patronising.Ā As far as I can gather my colleagueās issues have come from the fact that I havenāt bowed down to her and that I have been doing a lot of the jobs myself, but in my opinion this is an age thing; I can simply move a hell of a lot quicker than her, leaving her puffing, panting and paddying behind me.Ā
When it comes down to it, we just donāt work very well together.Ā Fine.Ā What is not fine is making sarcastic comments in front of the client, sulking in her room for 4 hours (I hate to get pedantic on her ass but āneglecting duty of careā) and actual tantrums.Ā Sheās 60 years old!
But anyway there hasnāt been a tantrum for a few days, and we have had to start working together more.Ā To give you some background, we are caring for an elderly couple.Ā He has severe dementia and finds it difficult to walk.Ā She finds it difficult to walk but is fairly there mentally.Ā She, letās call her Maude, (has anyone seen Harold and Maude?Ā Brilliant film!) well Maude is an example of the type who hates to relinquish control, which I understand but being on the receiving end of the constant nit-picking is difficult.Ā Ā However these complaints have allowed my colleague and I to form some sort of alliance.Ā I still have to bite my tongue (so much so that Iām surprised thereās any of it left), and let her insults wash over me; Iām too young for the job; I donāt take anything in; Iām not sensitive to their needs.Ā I also have to listen to her impart her knowledge on me as if I am a schoolgirl.Ā However I will sleep soundly tonight because I had one moment of glory.Ā Referring to the old gentleman I said āWell that will be his Dementiaā and she, the trained nurse corrected me saying, āNo, no Alzheimerās.Ā Itās a very different disease!āĀ I couldnāt let this one go.Ā āNo itās not.Ā Alzheimerās is a form of Dementia.āĀ She shook her head.Ā āYes it isā, I assured her.Ā Google it, Nursey!Ā Score!Ā Iām up 2 points and 2 pairs of disposable gloves.