āYouāve made your choice. I wonāt hold it against you, truly. Time will tell. It will tell you whether was it the right choice or how deep your regret resides. I know I did my best. I was honest, completely raw and loyal. You decided it wasnāt enough. It wasnāt what you wanted. Did you know that sometimes the backlash of a decision takes years to be noticed? To sink in. You just get yourself wondering around. It usually comes accompanied by that redundant wave of realisation that truly genuine, loving people are few and too rare. I wonāt wait on that, though. Iāve learned my lesson. Some people say some of the best lessons come from the deepest pain and I think they just might be right. I think if Iām still writing about this is because it still affects me on some level and I donāt want that anymore. As opposed to before, I donāt want you to have any type of hold on me anymore. I donāt want any of you. Iāll take the lessons and the wisdom theĀ situationĀ has given me, but no more of you. I suppose deciding something as serious as this gives me back my control ā I mean, idiotic people are gonna come and go but itās in my power to decide how Iām going to deal with the pile of shit they throw at me. I initially thought, well, Iām in some deep shit, I might as well try and turn something beautiful out of it, something Iāve always loved, but I feel like I might just let go. The fact that Iāve decided to be the better man about it all does not diminish the impact of your actions. Of what youāve done. You told me once that the only thing youāve had in your life was your word and your promises. How easily you forgot that. Youāve had no consideration for what we were āĀ whateverĀ it was. We were friends in the first place. I thought so, at least, but then again a friend wouldnāt do that to you. And even though you sold me out, even though I had lost pretty much everything I used to have, even though I was hurting and alone and fucking lost, I chose not to do the same to you. Does it make me better than you? I donāt know, but if you take my silence as acquiescence, then it surely makes me smarter than you. I could talk about it, but it doesnāt really matter anymore now, does it? I thought the type of connection that we had ran deep. Boy, was I wrong. But itās okay now. Itās okay that nowadays you wonāt even look me in the eyes, because you already did it too much for far too long to be acceptable. Itās okay that you wonāt acknowledge my presence anymore, because my arrival used to enlighten your whole mood. It was noticeable, you know. You donāt need to salute me either, because my body still remembers your touch ā how you used to sit there and play with my fingers absentmindedly, how you caressed each of my tattoos and played with my hair, how much you leaned in unnecessarily (it was, you know it). I could tell them all about your words, but whatās the use? I know better now. I can be the āsnakeā, I can be the girl who fell for you (alone, she would hastily add), and I can be the one who ātriedā to ruin your so-beautifully-called relationship. My heart knows the truth and the people I love know my heart. Your heart knows it as well and someday you will regret what youāve done. I am all healed now. I am done.
I wish you the best things and I hope never to hear about it.ā
