NATURAL DISASTER. @larsinda - Tumblr Blog

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leplastiquedick

ivebenon

Shut the fuck up and take my damn moneyyyyyyy

heleneofthenorth-blog

transjemder

Millennial culture is having two wildly different conversations with the same person on two different apps at the exact same time

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conversation 1: cheese borger

conversation 2: that’s why I think I’m so afraid of making myself vulnerable, because my father taught me I couldn’t ever truly trust anyone

cheese24k

This guy plays the tune of Jason Mraz - “I’m Yours” using two Nokia Phone

carry-on-my-wayward-butt

this is so fucking relaxing

4ngelbride

IVE BEEN LOOKING FOR THIS FOR TWO FUCKING YEARS

sailor-artemis

When you’re too broke to afford a Launchpad

realpain-realgame

@interceptingwaves

90s90s90s

pandaaamonium14

How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces? These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place. ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning? WITNESS: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’ ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you? WITNESS: My name is Susan! _______________________________ ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active? WITNESS: No, I just lie there. ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth? WITNESS: July 18th. ATTORNEY: What year? WITNESS: Every year. _____________________________________ ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you? WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which. ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you? WITNESS: Forty-five years. _________________________________ ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory? WITNESS: I forget.. ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot? ___________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning? WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam? ____________________________________ ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he? WITNESS: He’s 20, much like your IQ. ___________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken? WITNESS: Are you shitting me? _________________________________________ ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time? WITNESS: Getting laid ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: She had three children , right? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: How many were boys? WITNESS: None. ATTORNEY: Were there any girls? WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney? ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated? WITNESS: By death.. ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated? WITNESS: Take a guess. ___________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual? WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female? WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male. _____________________________________ ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people? WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight. _________________________________________ ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to? WITNESS: Oral… _________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time? WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished. ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question? ______________________________________ And last: ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing? WITNESS: No.. ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor? WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

skrillcholas-cage

oh my god these are great

princemetalthunder

fuck this is like reading a jokes and not actual quotes

miss-krypton

WHAT THE FUCK WERE THE WRITERS THINKING

danieldempsey-deactivated201512

My dude straight loving him some nsync.

africant

boota

what that ass do

sit

0zu

mishasminions

MY TWO MOODS

archiemcphee

Here’s further awesome proof that cosplay is for everyone! Brazilian cosplayer Solange, aka Tia sol (“Aunty Sun”) has won the heart of the internet with her wonderfully accurate homemade costumes and convention appearances around her home city of Manaus, Brazil.

“A friend said that I wouldn’t have the guts,” Solange told BuzzFeed News. “I chose a character and had the costume made without saying another word.”

“I don’t miss a single event in my city. I’d really like to visit other ones, but have you seen the price of the fares?”

“I never thought that I would be well received among the young people, I’ve made a lot of friends during all of this.” Cosplay conventions have become a sort of a haven for Solange: “I can launch myself into the world of make-believe, where anything goes.” Her next event is coming up in December. “I’m finishing up the painting on my new cosplay, Granny Juju from Jorel’s Brother.”

Follow Tia Sol on Facebook to keep up with her latest cosplay creations.

[via Bored Panda]