Seven Years | Feb 21, 2022
They said being a teenager would be fun You have so many opportunities; To make memories with the ones you love To make mistakes while you can still learn from them To still be young while seeing how the world works And best of all; You can experiment with boys, girls, whoever you fall in love with
But we all know what that means Kissing and loving isn't what teenagers do these days It's all about how, who, when, and where you can fuck somebody How many girls you've gotten How many dicks you've sucked It's become the norm To the point where you hear about it everywhere Everyone priding themselves in their numbers and "skills" Everyone has this drive for sex in their everyday lives Which means it must be normal for us as teenagers to experience it
Right?
Two years I've been with him Loving, caring, selfless, perfect him Where he doesn't care about what the rest do About the numbers, experience The act Those drives don't bother him, don't flood his mind like the rest
Which would be great If I knew it wasn't a bunch of bullshit
Because I see the yearn in his eyes Everyday hoping for me to give him more Give him what those in the past did What I in the past did Because dumb little me thought I would fit right in Be able to experience and feel what the rest did To satisfy him just like those in the past could Like she could
She's all I can compare to She's the only one I've heard stories about The one that I have to live up to in order to be at ease And feel like I'm worth something To feel like I can give what she could and feel like I'm enough
And I tried So damn hard For so long To long To push myself well over what I should've Just to give myself any worth And yet it all went to hell Because only a few months later it went crashing down The thoughts and fears pushed into the back of my mind flooded out Every memory every feeling Every touch It all came back
The memory of his hands touching me in places that are supposed to feel so good But made me sick to my stomach The memory of him whispering those damn words into my ear, encouraging me to keep going The memory of my brain screaming at me to stop To push him off and end it
But I stayed there Laying there under him Letting his body invade mine As it begged me to stop But I never listened I let it continue Months and months of abusing my own body My own mind Making it endure countless of sexual acts it never wanted One by one letting him taint every inch of skin until there was nothing left The memories Returning Each and every one Each of them bringing the feeling of being invaded with The thoughts flooding my mind as my body tingled in response Making me endure everything all over again Making me realize the pain and disgust my body felt during all those months Of me forcing it to do what it couldn't handle All because I couldn't bear the thought of being less than stupid her Thinking my entire worth depended on being able to give exactly what she was able to To be able to be just like her
But here I am now Feeling disconnected from my own body My own mind Because so much of me wants go back And do all those things again Satisfy you like I used to But all the rest is tired And I don't know how much I have left Because knowing that you need sexual satisfaction in your life And knowing that I can't give it to you without wanting to burn my own body for doing it Kills me
Every day as I sit here Wondering what the fuck is wrong with me Why can't I feel the same as everyone else Why the fuck do I have to be in this broken body That can't even handle satisfying my own god damn boyfriend Because every day I sit And the memories flood back And every day I relive them Clawing at my body Wanting to rip it to shreds Remove all the parts that were ever touched Remove the feeling Remove the thoughts Remove the memories
But I can't My body will stay tainted With the touch of your hands That should've never reachedAnd for seven years As I long for my body to be renewed For the very last cell that was around during that time To die and get replaced I long for a new body That was never touched Never invaded And how I long for a brain A mind A system of thought That can agree with itself That can agree with the body it controls And keep that new body safe From the hands of anyone else Seven years I'll wait











