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[faithhsu]

[laughingnotfearing]

Have you ever just felt intimidated by life? Just everything about it. I'm intimidated by school, grades, my parents, my friends, my friends' friends, just everything. And no matter what I do I know I'll never be able to say that I'm not. But that's a lie, but it's still hard to feel comfortable in my own skin. I always feel like people are seeking someone who's better or someone who is more likable or makes them smile more. So that's what I've been praying about recently.

[marcphun]

[unkaglen]

God doesn’t get overwhelmed. Not by your sin, not by your crazy circumstances, not by any potential problem in the future. God’s strength reigns supreme, it overcomes everything, and as Ephesians 3 says, ‘He is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us.’”

Unka Glen (unkaglen.tumblr.com)

[laughingnotfearing]

I seriously don't understand gods plan like 99% of the time. Why do bad things happen all at once? Why do I feel like I'm watching my life literally crash down all around me? I don't know. But for some reason god made this. He gave me a challenge and it sure is a heck of a challenge. I can't figure out how to get out of my head. In my head everything makes sense, but no one else seems to think so. My vision is so one sighted. All I see is what I want and what everyone else is doing wrong. How am I supposed to look at myself through the eyes of god? Look at everything through the eyes of god? I don't know what my next move is, and I'm not sure if I ever will. But I need to, god. I need guidance. And I know you're there. But something inside of me is blocking you out. I'm trying to control everything. Trying to run my life again. You know how I do that. I need you to push me down. Make me feel weak. Make me realize the greatness and mass of my mistakes. Help me to consider how I'm hurting everyone. My family, my friends, not just myself. The world is so broken and it starts with me. I'm your biggest culprit. But when I'm mixed up and caught up in myself, I feel so right. And then I realize about 1 hour later that I tore everything to shreds, but I can't take that back. I'm just lost and I need something. What am I going to do when I feel so alone but I push everyone away? I need someone who is always there. And I know that's you. But I can't get myself there. I'm trying but I feel sucked into myself and my brokenness again. I'm helpless without you.

[merissabenedict]

happy | via Tumblr on @weheartit.com - http://whrt.it/10sgTVt

[laughingnotfearing]

[spraguevisuals-deactivated20180]

[laughingnotfearing]

[worshipgifs]

[laughingnotfearing]

christmas present to myself

At Christmas Eve service yesterday my pastor was more convicting than ever before. I'm not sure why but it was hard. I wanted to leave because it was so true and pointed so directly at the sin I was hiding. He talked about the need to give ourselves to God, entirely. Every aspect of ourselves as a sort of Christmas present to ourselves to help us shape up our lives. That's a really hard pill to swallow, especially if you are anything like I am. No I'm not the perfect church girl, people don't know me as that. No one. But at church I put on a show. I make people believe I'm better than I am and I'm fairly certain that nearly everyone does. People say things like "I can't do that at church" or "don't say that at church" but why should the location make any difference? Sure it's God's house, but Genesis makes it's pretty clear that the entire universe is his house, so why not implement those concepts elsewhere? Because we don't want to. Being a Christian is hard work. It doesn't feel good. No one is doing it. It's unnatural thanks to Eve and her stupid fruit. We have dedicated times for God and when we are having fun doing dumb things with our friends, frankly he doesn't even cross our minds. Guilty as charged. But that's why I'm here on this dumb tumblr that people will probably find out about and make fun of me for. People always ask me how my walk with God is. A question I'm apparently supposed to be able to spit an answer out to. But I can't. I don't even know where to begin and it's probably because I don't spend enough time with my merciful creator. I'm using this blog as a way to track my progress. Watch my ups and downs. Hold myself accountable for my faith. I can't run away from it anymore. It's right here and I need to face it head on. I need to give myself to God. To start my honest walk with The Lord. It's time that I do something about all these convictions I've had. I'm ready to make it happen. ~ So this post is very non-sequitur, forgive me I'm new at this. Trying to sort out what goes where and when. I promise it will get better. No one is even reading this post because I'm just a dumb kid, but if you are then I challenge you to take the leap with me. I'm ready to free fall into the arms of my creator. I'm ready to stop trying to control my life. I'm ready to stop driving myself into a hole. My life hasn't turned around for much too long. I'm ready. I haven't prayed about it as much as I have thought about it.