At Christmas Eve service yesterday my pastor was more convicting than ever before. I'm not sure why but it was hard. I wanted to leave because it was so true and pointed so directly at the sin I was hiding. He talked about the need to give ourselves to God, entirely. Every aspect of ourselves as a sort of Christmas present to ourselves to help us shape up our lives. That's a really hard pill to swallow, especially if you are anything like I am. No I'm not the perfect church girl, people don't know me as that. No one. But at church I put on a show. I make people believe I'm better than I am and I'm fairly certain that nearly everyone does. People say things like "I can't do that at church" or "don't say that at church" but why should the location make any difference? Sure it's God's house, but Genesis makes it's pretty clear that the entire universe is his house, so why not implement those concepts elsewhere? Because we don't want to. Being a Christian is hard work. It doesn't feel good. No one is doing it. It's unnatural thanks to Eve and her stupid fruit. We have dedicated times for God and when we are having fun doing dumb things with our friends, frankly he doesn't even cross our minds. Guilty as charged. But that's why I'm here on this dumb tumblr that people will probably find out about and make fun of me for. People always ask me how my walk with God is. A question I'm apparently supposed to be able to spit an answer out to. But I can't. I don't even know where to begin and it's probably because I don't spend enough time with my merciful creator. I'm using this blog as a way to track my progress. Watch my ups and downs. Hold myself accountable for my faith. I can't run away from it anymore. It's right here and I need to face it head on. I need to give myself to God. To start my honest walk with The Lord. It's time that I do something about all these convictions I've had. I'm ready to make it happen. ~ So this post is very non-sequitur, forgive me I'm new at this. Trying to sort out what goes where and when. I promise it will get better. No one is even reading this post because I'm just a dumb kid, but if you are then I challenge you to take the leap with me. I'm ready to free fall into the arms of my creator. I'm ready to stop trying to control my life. I'm ready to stop driving myself into a hole. My life hasn't turned around for much too long. I'm ready. I haven't prayed about it as much as I have thought about it.