LaughingToSleep @laughingtosleep - Tumblr Blog

Margot “I found that really frustrating. Fans seem to really love that about her, that she has this complete devotion to a guy that treats her badly.” Robbie

Day 4? Got praised in work for doing such a good job on last night's late shift today which goes to show that I am improving. However I have a constant feeling of dizziness and nausea, so much so that I'm going to make a doctors appointment soon so that hopefully they'll help me get through withdrawal and not berate me too much for stopping cold turkey. The symptoms are getting worse with each day and I'm hoping that I won't have to go back onto them to lessen the symptoms, it just seems counterproductive to me. Let's hope I'll be able to get through the weekend without any problems.

#depression #withdrawal

Day 2 I did ring in sick for work yesterday, I said I had a migraine which wasn't a complete lie. I slept for two hours and when my mam got home and asked why I wasn't in work, I told her and she said I've come off them wrong and will feel weird for a few days now. Today wasn't so bad, I had some very vivid dreams last night for the first time in what feels like a decade. Despite my high blood sugar in the night I would have slept the whole night through. I had dreams about the two guys that I fell hardest for, the first one I dreamt that I was trying to break up him and his wife, the second I dreamt that he was angry at me for not wanting to fuck his girlfriend. I had panic attacks when I dreamt of him previously but I woke up in a good mood so I'm taking this a good sign. I've felt fine throughout the day with a constant dizziness and I accidentally injected myself twice for a frappé which confused everyone. Especially me, I don't remember doing it the first time. This worries me because if I do this often while I'm in my withdrawal fog, I could seriously harm myself. So every time I inject now I'll leave a dot on my skin with pen so I know that I'm safe. I have a busy day tomorrow, my best friend has her wedding dress fitting which I'm off to in the morning and I have a six hour shift in the evening. Kinda worried about how I'm gonna react to it. Probably won't achieve much in my shift but I'm gonna explain to my boss tomorrow what's going on and hopefully she'll understand.

#deppression #withdrawal

benigoat

u-ok

they’re here

thedalishelves

Day 1. Today is my first day without any antidepressants in my body. This morning I woke up in a good mood, alert, cuddly and playful with my SO. Though soon after the dizziness has set in and an overwhelming tiredness, I have a foggy headache and it feels like I have motion sickness, despite me sitting down stationary for the past hour. I've looked up symptoms of withdrawal and dizziness and fatigue are in a high percentage of those who come off antidepressants, these could last up to 6 weeks. Gonna try and have a nap and see if it will clear my head up a bit, if it doesn't I may have to call in sick. It's making me nauseous to move my legs so I'm not gonna be able to do a shift tonight.

#deppression #coming off antidepressants #withdrawal

I hardly ever come on here anymore but for the next week or so I'm gonna need something to vent to. I've made the decision to come off of my antidepressants and I've just taken my last one. I made the decision because I don't want to be a shadow of my former self anymore. I used to be motivated, actively seeked growth, spent hours reading and drawing and felt satisfied afterwards. I had decent orgasms, a higher sex drive and a need to go out and socialise. Even when my depression was at its worst, I still needed and achieved these but when I started taken meds they blurred and faded into a fog. I've felt foggy for a year and a half; I haven't felt any real motivation, there hasn't been a day where I haven't felt tired, I may have stopped cutting myself but been harming myself in more long term ways by gaining weight and not controlling my diabetes. I've constantly feel like I've been on autopilot since being in them and time has gone so much more quickly than it has before. I think it's time that I begin to get better by myself and not rely on something that is dulling me down from being who I am. I recognise that this is a positive step but that doesn't mean to say that I'm not scared shitless of how I'm gonna cope without them. A bad day in work last week had me fantasising about cutting myself but I didn't feel the emotion strong enough to do it; without my meds I'm scared that I'll undo 16 months of the recovery. I'm terrified of how needy I'll become, I have a wonderful boyfriend who is supportive of my decision but I'm so scared that when I come off them that my fears of rejection, my nightmares, my insecurities, my ghosts and my need to feel loved will be too much for such a chilled out guy and he'll go running away from me. He's only known me as the foggy girl who doesn't like feeling things, what will happen when a shit load of feelings hit me like a bus and I can't contain them? Despite my fears there's no turning back. I need to be motivated again, I need to create again, I need to read again, I need to be who I was. I can't slip into the abyss anymore.

#deppression #long post #day1 #recovery