PCOS. It finally makes sense to me. The grind even to just maintain my weight, the moodiness, the irregular periods, the inflammation...
I'm looking down the barrel of 32 years. I'm still experiencing glimmers of ridiculous joy when the scales drop even a little these days. It seems though, that the pattern of my weight for the past 2 years now has been a constant cycling of 54-56kg. It's especially dependant on where I'm at in my monthly cycle too. Right now I should be in the almost midway point of my cycle, so I've dropped 1kg in 2 weeks.
Not to discredit my, albeit rather modest, efforts in keeping active and watching what I eat. I've been trying my best not to drink alcohol (I had a relapse over the Christmas/NY break), choosing whole foods more, not buying out much, not eating late night snacks, and generally eating less due to my more overall sedentary lifestyle now (I quit my job).
Another thing - I quit my effing job! I'm stoked, but also an unemployed thirty-something, with a savings account that's now dripping away... Still, I'm relieved to be rid of that nightmare b*tch boss.
Oh to be a married woman, in her 30s, with no job or career, and still hanging on by a thread to the shadow of her eating disorder. I thought I'd have at least two kids by now, and maybe even have my own business in my area of qualification. Some cute little boutique shop in the outskirts of town. My own home even, with a husband who is earning well, and not at home with a long-standing injury. But it's not to be. Life has dealt me other things. Perhaps this is why I'm back on this slightly dark corner of the web. The temptation of my eating disorder has been reaching out to me again for a while.
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