In the spirit of pride month, I want to share an experience of mine with a friendly reminder that queerness is not just about being gay.
I knew I was aroace since I was old enough to be self-aware of my thoughts. Before I'd ever even heard the word asexual, i used it to describe myself. For a while, i convinced myself i had a crush, because everyone else seemed to have one at that age so i thought i was supposed to as well. After realizing i didn’t have to have a crush, it was years of making my feelings (or lack thereof) clear, and either being laughed at, brushed off, or told it would be sad if i never got a husband.
My family has never been as centered around romance as the average person, so im sure this kind of thing hasn't impacted me as much as other people, but interacting with other aro/ace people has made the lack of understanding so clear.
When i came out to my siblings as lesbian, they immediately accepted it and took it seriously. there was no hesitation. they did not act like i would grow out of my feelings, or later imply that i would have a husband eventually. and it frustrates me, the gap between those reactions. being aroace is so much more important to my identity than being lesbian, both my queer identity and just my identity as a person, but even in queer-friendly spaces, it isnt respected. someone even said right to my face after i came out as lesbian, "So that's why you're not dating your friend!" No, you're just letting amatonormativity and aphobia color your worldview.
We're constantly met with people laughing off our existence as a joke, or something childish that you grow out of, or sad, or most often just completely ignored. People bulldoze over our scarce representation in media with reasoning like "but aroace people can still date and have sex! they can still be normal!" Sure, we can still do those things, and some of us can still enjoy it. But characters (or even people) that clearly express they're repulsed by the thought of having a romantic or sexual relationship are overwhelmingly met with people aggressively disregarding it, shouting about how they're going to ship them anyway. But when someone ships a lesbian with a man, it's not ok.
Many of these problems dont just affect aroace people. Amatonormativity benefits no one, and queer straight people exist. Please stop calling it 'gay month.' It hasn't been a funny joke in a long time, if it ever was one, and it's frustrating to have the other aspects of queerness overlooked.
So I'm going to be very loudly aroace this june, and try to support my fellow aro/ace people. We'd really appreciate it if you gave us a listen and helped support us as well, especially if you aren't well informed on the subject. Thanks for reading!
dededos
kaledo-art
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jacobvanloon
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