Lazy Recruiters

Not all job recruiters are terrible, but there are definitely some bad ones out there ruining it for everyone.

[lazyrecruiters]

Yo, you're telling me you couldn't even google this guy's name?

[lazyrecruiters]

Seriously, Martha.

You own the HR company and you're the Senior Recruiter. You can splurge on a vanity url for your email. Be the boss you know you can be.

Sincerely, The Future

[lazyrecruiters]

Martha,

Please step into the future and get an email address that doesn't end with “hotmail.com”.

[lazyrecruiters]

A personal note

One thing I cannot stand about companies like Creative Circle and The Creative Group is that their recruiters (in my particular experience) are so focused on volume that they cannot keep up with all the people that are relying on them for an actual job.

There was a time when I was broke, going hungry in order to pay rent, and desperately needed a job. I would respond to messages like these all the time. All I was met with was disappointment. I am not alone in this experience.

After an initial meeting with someone from the agency, you are inundated with email upon email of generic job descriptions. You quickly realize that they're not just for you — countless others are receiving these emails and are responding to them as well. You hope you will be lucky enough to get picked. Good luck if you live in a high saturation place like New York and are just starting out!

There are no more personal emails from the person that first got you through the door unless the company they are searching for requires someone with a very specific skillset. It is now your job to hound that person to pay more attention to you. (On top of the ongoing search you might be conducting on your own for a fulltime or freelance position!)

If you do get a job, you will most likely be paid less than your asking price, but the recruiter gets a cut of the money as well. (I may not be conveying that accurately, but I know there is some commission system in place which is why they're always seeking new talent.)

Thankfully I am not in a position to need any kind of head hunting services anymore, but there are still many that do. And that's the kind of shit they have to deal with if they use TCG and CC. This is why I'm always angry about recruiters.

[lazyrecruiters]

There's a site with my name and I don't own it? I have a profile on it? Why are you writing to me from Dribbble if you saw me on Fyza? You saw I have great experience, but in what?

Also I know you're just copy + pasting and I want to strangle you.

[lazyrecruiters]

Brad.

Brad... Are you truly impressed with my background? Be honest.

Brad, why are you lying to me — to your client?

Brad, come here.

Look closely, Brad. Do some actual work for your client. There is nothing out there on LinkedIn — or the rest of the internet — that says that I am a developer, let alone a “TOP-NOTCH” developer.

There's something you need to know, Brad. The word “Designer” is not interchangeable with the word “Developer”.

I know it's a shock Brad, but you have to be strong. And please, for the love of god, never use “Rock Star” as a qualifier for any job position you advertise ever again.

Bye Brad.

[lazyrecruiters]

Hey Lucas, or is it Christodoulos, or maybe both of those are cover names?

First of, my name isn’t Ben, not even close. Second, I’ve never worked in shipping or management. I’m going to assume you got the wrong guy. Even if I was the right guy, I’d never send you any kind of personal information because you seem wicked sketchy. If you’re not, good luck trying to hire someone.

— Jimmy

[lazyrecruiters]

An Open Letter to LinkedIn Recruiters

I wrote this letter on September 16, 2014. When I had a link to it on my LinkedIn profile for a couple of months, I actually stopped receiving requests and messages from recruiters.

The moment I took it off, fearing I might look unaproachable and difficult to people that could be potential worthwhile contacts, the messages and requests picked right back up.

What did that show me? That the generic messages I (and countless others) receive could have easily been avoided, or at least been less offensively lazy. These recruiters are obviously looking at my profile, seeing my skill set, and portfolio. Why don't they take a few more minutes to write an actual message if they think I'm a good candidate?

It's infuriating. I know people that take HR, recruiting, and hiring seriously and are amazing at it. This behaviour makes every person in the field look terrible.

So, if you know a lazy recruiter, please share this with them. Let them see the error of their ways. They might just be doing it for the money, but maybe they can at least try to help someone that really needs a job find a perfect fit.

[lazyrecruiters]

Hey, yeah, I have an LLC, but we don't have any job listi-

OH MY GOD, YOU FOUND A UNICORN? MARCUS! MARCUUUUS!

[lazyrecruiters]

Nicholas,

Sorry I missed you, but I don't answer cold calls from strange new numbers. Hell, I rarely even answer calls from people I actually know. My mother probably thinks I'm dead!

I listened to your voicemail. Did you think you could trick me into calling you back out of guilt by speaking (then writing!) to me in a way that assumes that you actually know me? I'm too paranoid for that. Nice try, though!

Most importantly, how did you dig up my number? That's pretty invasive and creepy!

Please, never invade my privacy again.

Sincerely, Fyza

P.S. - You seriously went through all that trouble to get a lead and your subject is “Subject”? Damn, dude.

[lazyrecruiters]

No Pankaj, I am not your friend. Don't lie to get in my inbox!

No Pankaj, I will not share my number, mail-id, or best time to call.

No Pankaj.

No Pankaj.

No Pankaj.

No Pankaj.

[lazyrecruiters]

Hey Rory,

Way to be a vulture!

- Fyza

P.S. - What the hell kind of title is “International Development Athlete”? Stop it.

[lazyrecruiters]

Armando!

Seems like you and your client have a misunderstanding on what designers and developers do. Sure, some developers can design — and some designers can develop — but they’re very different things. Usually people are more proficient in one over the other, even if they do both. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

Now, I must take a moment to navigate my automobile in the direction of the nearest liquor purveryor in order to secure a vessel of my favorite wine in order to supress the anguish you and your ilk have caused my person with your incessant, lazy ignorance.