Genre: ANGST, like super ANGST
Characters: Chanyeol x Reader; CHANYEOL’S POV
Summary: Five years ago, you and Chanyeol promised to go to Rome and get married in front of the Colosseum. But that was five years ago, and as Chanyeol stood in front of the building, he is all alone. But what if the universe gives him another chance? What if the universe gives him who he has been longing for to explore the Colosseum right at this very moment?
[A/N: I have this story for a while in my mind but I just couldn’t will myself to write it. So here you go. This for all those who’ve gave too much of themselves for a love that was never theirs.]
You didn’t expect that the Colosseum would be this majestic.
But most of all, you didn’t expect you would be coming here all alone without her.
You sighed. You look down at your toes to gather your thoughts and to breathe once more.
It’s fine, Chanyeol. You’re fine.
Another sigh, and you raised your head once again to be amazed at the grand work of architecture before you. You used to think that people who are at awe at the building was exaggerating when they say that it makes them feel scared, and at the same time, ecstatic, at experiencing the ethereal beauty left by the great Roman civilization. You used to scoff at people when they plan their Italian excursions, centering on the tourist spot, as if it was the highlight of their entire European experience.
You also used to shake your head at how hopeful she look whenever she told you that she wants to “experience” The Colosseum before she dies.
But standing now before this majestic beast, you once again said to yourself—you were right.
You could almost hear her voice as you say the comforting words to yourself.
One last glance, then I’ll turn my back. You once again breathed at the sight. I’ll turn my back at all of your memories, too.
That voice. You quickly turned your head to your right, and you almost want to cry at seeing the most beautiful thing that has ever grazed your existence.
Sometimes the universe has a way of aligning things just when you need it the most; just when you thought your head would go numb at the overwhelming silence and emptiness in your core.
All you have to do is ask.
And sometimes, the universe answers.
“You remember?” She smiled at you, like you didn’t crushed whatever good is left in her being five years ago. She stared at you for a while, until she eventually looked away, as if she was afraid that looking further into your eyes would resurrect the pain again.
Of course, I remember. I remember everything.
“Remember what?” You give off a silent chuckle to mask the nervousness you are feeling right now; to conceal the excited little man instead your belly at seeing her again.
“Ah—of course.. You don’t.” This time, she didn’t look at you, but the tone in her voice makes you feel small and ashamed. You looked at her side profile, and amazingly enough, the smile is still evident in her lips.
Until you saw her distant eyes. You saw the longing there, the pain, and the past.
And the guilt is eating you up like crazy.
“I miss you.” She whispered.
But instead of saying the words that you actually want to say, you smiled at her, and found her expectant eyes, hoping that you’ll say the same words, too.
But you just stood there, like a coward, like the same weak man that you had been for her five years ago.
You were the one who broke eye contact, for fear that she might see the same fragility she had witnessed before.
“December 11, 2014—remember that date?” She was trying so hard to hide the tremble in her voice, but she carried on, just like how she always did before.
You kicked the pebble in front of your shoe and sighed. How could I forget that? You looked at her face, and reimagined how she looked so carefree that time she said that she want to get married to you here—in Rome, in Colosseum, in front of everyone. You tried to remember how her eyes sparkled against the bright Busan sun, as she laid down her detailed and organized plan on how you two will stow away, five years from that day, and get married in front of the grand architecture ever known to human existence.
“What are the odds, Chanyeol,” She laughed.
“What are the odds that you and I are here today, at this exact date—in Rome, before the Colosseum, and before everyone?” She looked at you again. Longer. Deeper. With more attention.
You gave off a silent smile, and looked at your watch.
It was screaming December 11, 2019.
What are the odds, Chanyeol?
You stayed silent against all odds.
Finally, you looked at her. Fully looked at her. Fully laid your eyes on her to see everything that you miss and long for in the past five years.
You wanted to touch her cheek and tell her how everything fell apart in the last five years.
You wanted tuck her body against the safety of your chest, and ask forgiveness for all the times you took her for granted.
You wanted to whisper in her ear—
I’m sorry for not listening when you said your boss was harassing you at work.
I’m sorry for forgetting our anniversary date.
I’m sorry when I couldn’t cancel my performance and be there for you when your sister died.
I’m sorry when I chose to shut you off when you were complaining about my absence and lack of concern.
I’m sorry for not hugging you a little too tighter when you lost your job.
I’m sorry when I refused to go with you here in Rome when you got your dream job.
I’m sorry when I used the distance as excuse to cut things off with you.
I’m sorry when I didn’t visit you here, even once, even when I receive your late-night overseas calls, crying because you were afraid you were losing me.
But when you saw the tears brimming in her eyes, you looked away once more, finding refuge at the great distraction before you, hoping that she will give you time to process your thoughts.
Hoping that she would give you time to gather strength to tell her just how much you miss her in the past five years.
Just how much you still love her, despite the past five years.
“Come on, Yeol, I’ll treat you to some gelato.”
She walked away from you, putting a small amount of distance between your bodies.
You followed her, reluctantly, afraid that she might disappear again if you even inch closer.
But all you want to do is grab her hand, and memorize every rough lines and calluses; memorize the comfort and safety in the palm of her hand.
And that when it struck you.
The universe has a way of aligning things just when you need it the most.
Five minutes ago, you swore you would give up everything just to see her again. Five minutes ago, you prayed for a miracle to lay your eyes upon her being again.
And this time, the universe answered.
That answer, is now looking at you with soft eyes, waiting for you to follow her, so that she can give you a gelato.
Sometimes, the universe answers at the right time, at the right moment, with the right person.
She looked at you once more, and took one step forward, as if she was also feeling the same force in your core.
“Y/N.” You called out to her once more.
But sometimes, the universe kids.
Because just as you were about to tell her how much your heart aches for her, a man grabbed her waist from behind, kissed her cheek, and nuzzle his head in the crook of her neck.
Just as you were about to tell her how much your world crumbled in the past five years, she was already introducing you to her husband, the light of her life, the soul of her soul.
The one who saved her from all the pain you’ve caused and left.
The one who saved her from your abandonment.
Just as you were about to promise her that you would dedicate your life to her, she was already feeling the bump in her belly, telling you of the two-month old person living in her womb.
Sometimes, the universe answers justly.
Five years ago you promised to her that you will marry her today.
But five years ago, you were also a better person for him.
But you saw her again today, of all the days, of all the time, of all the moments.
Because no matter how much the universe wills it, cowardice defeats fate and destiny.
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