Creative Problems to Simple Solutions

She/They/It

[soyouvotedfortrump]

[tlirsgender]

When you get more objective about the way nature is & away from weird anthropomorphic carnivore slander it is a little funny when the baby sea turtles hatch and every other animal in like a ten mile radius goes "oh fuck yum one million mini sliders"

[tlirsgender]

[ID: a screenshot of the original post's tags that read, "#real turtleheads know this is a play on sliders (turtle emoji) which are a type of terrestrial turtle. but it's also tiny hamburgers #which seems apt. #this has been another episode of Joke Explainer" /end ID]

Keeping these actually. Necessary footnote for this post

[tlirsgender]

Watching a jaguar casually walk up to an adult sea turtle headed back to the water after laying her eggs and eat it like why am I in my sea turtle violence era and why are they like this. Adult sea turtles aren't especially easy to eat in the water they'll swim around with shark bites taken out of them like they're just chillin. And then on land they just kinda

[tlirsgender]

Jaguar watching a sea turtle on the beach: oh fuck yum 100 pound slider

[tlirsgender]

Also today I learned that since the jaguar scares off other smaller predators it's actually good for the sea turtle population if there are jaguars there. Cause less babies get eaten by Everything Else. I'm gonna be honest I didn't even consider that a jaguar could be on the beach

[tlirsgender]

Every other animal in like a ten mile radius: I'm gonna be honest I didn't even consider that a jaguar could be on the beach

[tpwrtrmnky]

*cracking open your moral intuition systems* ohhh i see, there's the issue, you're running secularism on a kernel built for protestant morality.

Tricky one cause the kernel's built around creating the need for salvation from a higher power, and you'll have to change up a lot of the systems for evaluating your own and others' moral worth to avoid operating with a deficit when there's no inbuilt release valve.

You haven't been going around making up ad-hoc solutions for redeeming sinners instead of trying to patch out the notion of sin, right?

[phantomrose96]

When you meet Edward Elric he gives off the impression that he's the short-tempered hot-headed "violence is the answer to all life's questions" kind of protagonist, and it's in fact incredible character craft that he's actually the character who ends the series with a negative-3 kill count.

[phantomrose96]

people killed: 0

direct orders of "you really really need to kill this guy" ignored: 1

ongoing murders being committed by Ed's own friends/colleagues that Ed got in the way of to specifically stop that murder from happening: 2

[phantomrose96]

God's worst soldier Edward Elric. Showed up as the youngest member of the Amestrian army, took millions of dollars from them, never followed a single order, helped dismantle their fascist regime, left with a lower kill count than he arrived with, then fucked off to go be a house-husband. Character of all time.

[bunjywunjy]

every evening I see a cool bug in the bathroom and every morning the bug is mysteriously missing and the fat fucking bathroom spider is somehow even fatter

[bunjywunjy]

girl you are going to explode one of these days

[b1rd1e]

Things often feel insurmountable but then you surmount them & don't really think about it that much afterwards

[niceinchnails]

It was a clitorical question

[aropride]

people make jokes about how people who weren’t allowed to watch spongebob as a kid are always talking about how they weren’t allowed to watch spongebob but as one of the aforementioned people who wasn’t allowed to watch spongebob my insight on the matter is: you would not BELIEVE the amount of times spongebob comes up in normal adult conversations. i don’t often think about him of my own accord but people reference him and i have to say. what? and they say. it’s from spongebob?? and i say. oh i never watched spongebob. and they say why? and i say. i wasn’t allowed to. and then a few weeks later it happens again

[cheeseanonioncrisps]

“I wish I was more powerful, like you guys. Even casting fireball takes it right out of me some days.”

“Hey, none of that. You're a valued member of the team, no matter what your power level.”

“I just don't understand how you can tear open that portal to the fire dimension so easily.”

“… fire dimension?”

“Yeah. Where the fire lives. Before you summon it. For fireballs.”

“Dude. We've been creating explosions by igniting flammable gases in the air. What the fuck have you been doing?”

[alliswyattonthewesternfront]

"when people ask how you're doing, they don't really care." most of them do, actually, the amount they care is just directly proportional to how well they know you. you're just mad you can't be the main character of the Twice Daily.

[alliswyattonthewesternfront]

if i am doing shitty and the check out girl asks me, "how are you?" i will say,"man, i've been better." we are strangers to each other. she doesn't need to know my whole life story. she doesn't need to know about my credit score and my hemorrhoids or my uncle in the hospital. she just needs enough to respond "been there, buddy. hey, at least the day is almost over?" and then we part ways. i have been on both sides of thousands of exchanges like this, the only one making you do a little song and dance is you, my friend

[yohandere]

this is the funniest thing ive ever seen like theres so so so much detail in it

[theweirdwideweb]

[astronicht]

Unless you were a tech at NASA back in the day, when one time some hydrogen a) escaped in a particular building, and b) caught on fire. This was extremely difficult because hydrogen does NOT burn on the visible spectrum humans evolved to see (and flee). Rather, it technically does, but it’s so pale that in practice, no one could see it. Additionally, pure hydrogen burns without smoke and with so little ambient heat that you can’t really sense it till you walk into it. So, per the lore, for a few days all the techs in that building just walked around brandishing brooms in front of them like lances. If your broom lit on fire, congrats! You have located more burning hydrogen! Do not proceed!

[mias-back-from-the-dead]

oh my god it’s real and it was LITERALLY called “the broom method” holy shit

[fhauly]

repeat after me: i am a sexy bitch and no one ruins my 2014

[heirtocragflame]

I am a sexy bitch and no one ruins my 2014

[hotvampireadjacent]

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

I need to admit something to the US Tumblrinas. Philadelphia isn't a place to me. It's a cream cheese. You say "philadelphia" or "philly" and I immediately, and exclusively, think of the cream cheese. "Twelve people die in Philadelphia disaster" wow that must've been a Molasses Flood style event

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

No I trust the Americans, the cheese lovers, and the fans of the molasses flood to find this one on their own.

[adobsonartworks]

As someone who’s reported alt-right harassment and rhetoric on various social media sites and been told “there’s nothing here that violates our TOS,” seeing what RPGnet is doing is a welcome breath of fresh air.

Please, more social media sites need to do this.

[peregrinelight]

@ ppl in the notes: First amendment is for the government not rpg dot com where you signed their ToS u absolute morons

[clockwork-basilica-deactivated2]

SAY IT LOUDER

1st Amendment stops the GOVERNMENT from stopping your speech but jane and john doe can punch you or ban you !!

[big-tiddy-goth-ghoulfriend]

[tathrin]

[the xkcd “free speech” comic]

[anarchistmemedistro]

tumblr taking notes

[timemachineyeah]

One of the best xkcd alt texts as well

[galileosballs]

The 'ingredients you can pronounce means it's healthy' line implies a world in which the kind of nutrition a person requires scales with their biology education and grasp of phonics. Which isn't true, of course, but sure would imply some interesting worldbuilding if it were