Feeling the Freedom I've longed for. Ex Mormon.

not the biggest fan of the Mormon church. yeah. no, fuck them😁

[autumn-leila]

Hmmm yummy Halloween snacks

[vulcanette-deactivated20260506]

the new dj crazytimes song … now that’s what I call music!

[someao3tagsifound]

[Image ID: 4 Works in the Archive Of Our Own tag “The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints RPF” /End ID]

[legendarynightmare-stuff]

Hehe

[legendarynightmare-stuff]

I will never forgive the mormon cult for destroying grief.

[legendarynightmare-stuff]

Conference Sunday celebrating with a pumpkin spice latte. I really hate coffee I think, but it's the symbolism for me.

[legendarynightmare-stuff]

A reminder that it's okay to want things. To get things. Having material possessions no matter how useless do not make you a bad person. Wanting things is not a sin. Kids deserve toys, and things that feel like they belong to them. Adults deserve to feel joy from material possessions that exist in their lives just to feel happy about it. It's not evil or of the devil. You can have shit.

I'm giving myself this reminder because sometimes I forget.

[legendarynightmare-stuff]

Man, fuck Mormon toxic positivity.

[legendarynightmare-stuff]

This was a my first year of college. Living away from my family, my church going dropped a lot. And so did my everyday exposer to the idea of God and church teachings. With this came the realization about how much credit I would give god for things I did.

For example, I've always been a good student. High gpa, perfect attendance, ect. But everytime a test would come up or a big project would burden me my mom would tell me to pray about it and ask for help. And I would and normally I'd come out well good grades passing the tests but I never gave myself the credit and my mom even encouraged me to remember who actually had helped me get the good results on those things that I did. Made me feel odd is the best way I can think of to describe how it made me feel invalidated and a little bit fake in my educational successes. This entire year in college the amount of times I would struggle with an essay we're going in for a test I would fight with myself over whether or not I should pray course is my first instinct to do so in a crowded hallway thing against the wall and fold my arms and ask for help and guidance to get the grades I wanted from the assignment. However as tempting as it was to pray and ask for this help I wanted to be the person who got the results me by myself and my hard work and my studying or my lack of doing so and me dropping the ball in that responsibility.

I'm an English major and I take a lot of pride in my writing and I like to think that I'm pretty good at it. I had a professor this semester who I really wanted to impress with my writing skills I want to impress him so much that I had a breakdown over the first essay he had us write. I felt useless and scared and burnt out and unable to write and to show that I was a proficient writer and that what he was teaching me I took respectfully and and with the desire to continue bettering myself. Of course as you do when you're college student living away from home for the first time, I called my mom and I cried on the phone and I made a fool out of myself but I was scared and I felt like I wasn't going to be able to write the essay. I was three pages in and I didn't know what to do anymore.

My mother, of course after consoling me said if it's bothering you this much you need to pray about it and all I could think was what is praying going to do? Is God going to take my hand and help me type out my essay? Is he going to give me divine inspiration about how to write about a movie? How is praying going to help me? And of course the prideful part of me said no I want to do this. So I didn't pray and I wrote the essay and it weighed on me and I worried and I dreaded getting a grade back and when I did I got full credit a 100% on this essay that had been terrorizing me for weeks. I cannot tell you how proud of myself I was because I had done that I had worked through the horrible anxiety and exhaustion of this essay by myself it was me no one else was there I had done that.

I never prayed once about a single assignment, grade, essay, presentation, group project, anything I had to do in college for this first year, and I did good and it was me. I was able to feel pride in myself and I was able to feel fully accomplished. I don't know if I'm the only person who has struggled with this but there's something freeing about being able to do something well without having a said of prayer first. And without somebody telling you will remember it was God who truly gave you the ability to complete that task.

It was quite rewarding.

[legendarynightmare-stuff]

Okay so watching the new episode of Under the Banner of Heaven, was I the only one asked weird questions about sex in my baptism interview? Also, I was alone. My parents didn't come in with me. Has that changed for the worse since the 80s?? Was it just me??? Cuz I thought surely if they show the temple ceremony they'd accurately portray the interviews.

[bitter-exmo]

The difference between me an Joseph Smith is when I write bad fanfiction I don't then go and make a cult.

[legendarynightmare-stuff]

Sometimes I remember just how fucked up this chain of belief is. Hey god, why do you punish and ruin your children in the life we have to live? Because you'll have another life with me. Okay, how do I get there? You forfeit your life to me now. For my whole life? Yes. You have to or you won't get a second life and the torture won't be worth it. Is forfeiting life now worth it?

Thinking about the hell mental illness is. Sorry.

This makes no sense.

[guerrillatech]

[sealinne]

same moment different angle

[bonnibeldam]

[whitmerule]

The bullet bandolier over the skirts is a look. 😌

[legendarynightmare-stuff]

Love this dearly.

[legendarynightmare-stuff]

Listening to a grown man talking about swearing where he worked is absolutely pathetic. You aren't any better then your peers you asshat. I hate these types of talks.

"my reputation precedes me, and they stopped swearing around me."

"people I know tell others 'dont swear around him, he's a member of the blah blah blah'"

[legendarynightmare-stuff]

"Life is a test to see if we will keep the commandments."

How fucking depressing.

[legendarynightmare-stuff]

"How can I atone?"

"Leave apostate."

[theinwardlight]

Poem from The Backwater Sermons by Jay Hulme. 

[buildingbridgels]

[ID: The text reads:

Jesus at the Gay Bar

He’s here in the midst of it - right at the centre of the dance floor, robes hitched up to His knees to make it easy to spin.

At some point in the evening a boy will touch the hem of His robe and beg to be healed, beg to be anything other than this;

and He will reach His arms out, sweat-damp, and weary from dance. He’ll cup this boy’s face in His hand and say, my beautiful child there is nothing in this heart of yours that ever needs to be healed. end image ID]

[legendarynightmare-stuff]

"Love your neighbors as you love yourself."

Jokes on you. I hate myself.