Sweet Leimonade

[lei-monade]

FOODIE FRIDAY

1. Healthy Fruit drink from Tokyo

2. Fluffy pancakes

3. Hot chai tea and chocolate milk

4. Ice cream sandwich

5. Mini J.Co donuts

6. Sansrival and Matcha cake from Lachis

7. Milkshakes with Cake topper

8. Pesto pasta, Smores and Strawberry Milkshake

9. Ice cream cookie sandwich with syrup in a syringe

[lei-monade]

When life gives you lemon, make a leimonade.

Thirteen years have passed since I made this personal tumblr blog back when I was still a 15 year old high school student. I remember creating it to express my thoughts and creativity. I posted my school activities and life events like a virtual diary. It was during my religion class when my teacher asked each one of us, what talent did God gave us? I had a hard time answering it at first, then I blurted out "creativity", that's when I decided to use my talent and share it to the internet world. I didn't care how many readers and followers I had, as long as I felt satisfied in posting my ideas and crafts.

Through the years, the internet has evolved, social media had become very common. Most of my tumblr followings became busy as well and had long been inactive. As I was also busy building my career as a healthcare worker, I reminisced my time as a teen when I was very active in blogging and reading posts from my favorite bloggers. It was through this blog that I realized I don't need validation from other people. No affiliations, no people pleasing, no numerous likes and no curated contents. Just a peaceful and slow living.

As a full grown adult, I could say that life sometimes give lemons, and that we should make a lemonade. After a year of hiatus, I wanted to keep up with what I missed - virtual journaling and time with God. Where I feel content in expressing myself.

[lei-monade]

Redirection

Year 2025 has finally come to an end. I’m supposed to have started my new chapter by being a resident this January. However, the sudden change in my mind made me realized that it wasn't my time yet.

By taking a gap year, I really enjoyed having the privilege to work on my own pace, having the luxury to stop and enjoy the moment. It was a fulfilling experience of my first ever job as a general practitioner that makes it worth it when patients and their families has never ending "thank you" and appreciate your effort when you give them a better quality of life. It was the life I always dreamed of, treated by other colleagues and other allied healthcare workers with respect and having less 30 hour work shifts.

Right after our family vacation in Japan, I immediately submitted ny application paper and was called in for an interview since I was determined to start residency already. Even though it has been 9 months of moonlighting, I still have second thoughts during the process of completing my requirements and starting adjunctship. There was this feeling that I had to savor more moments with my friends and family before I embark on a new and long personal journey.

Residency is not easy and can make a toll on the mental health especially in my country. After deciding to delay my residency last year, I felt a low self-esteem for not continuing it but there’s nothing wrong with taking time to figure things out. I realized I still need to think deeply before committing myself in a work that could drain me for the next 3-4 years. As they say, there's only one way to find out which is to see for myself. Though everyone around me had opinions about it especially the pressure and disappointment. But it will be only up to me if it's worth it. Since it is I that will be me facing the toxic workload, doing the extended hour shifts, having the lack of sleep, dealing with entitled patients and managing my seniors ego.

I really thought I was so ready. My requirements were complete, my white coat and scrubs were prepared, my notes and books were compiled, and I even attended online conferences for it. However, life has other plans. I have reflected that I wanted to pursue residency at that time because of financial growth and not personal growth, at least there was no harm in trying and no what ifs anymore. Whatever experience it was, is for pure gain. It was a valuable life lesson of self-discovery and that there's more to life than Medicine.

[lei-monade]

Last summer, I had the chance to travel locally at Siargao. Known for its huge waves, island vibe and parties, I joined the trip with my boyfriend's friends in order to have a getaway at the beach. Using my hard owned money from booking plane tickets, airbnb accommodations and food allowance, I could say it was relaxing and refreshing. I really felt the island slow living and doesn't want to leave. I was completely enjoying life, the food and the activities. The best part was ticking one of my bucket list which is surfing with friends.

[lei-monade]

Evolution of fits

Back in the year 2015-2016, “OOTD” known as Outfit of the Day was quite famous as instagram caption and hashtag. I honestly don’t have a good fashion sense but through tumblr I was able to learn how to mix and match clothing through trends whether it was jejemon, baduy or jologs.

High School fits - As a teenager, I liked wearing shorts or high waisted shorts during family outings as it made me comfortable enough during roadtrips. Every weekends in high school, my family travels to the nearby cities for shopping. So as going to the malls, this is what I usually wear either matched with heels, slip ons or doll shoes.

College fits - I wore mostly skinny jeans since these were a thing back then. Coming from a catholic school, we had a strict dress code like no sleeveless, no open toe shoes and no mini skirts or shorts. During Wash Wednesday’s and Saturday classes, we get to wear civilian clothes at school. I wore my skinny jeans with peplum tops, shirts and blouses paired with doll shoes and sneakers as I commute daily in college.

Summer fits - Dress and shorts is where I am comfortable at during the hot sunny days. Since I am not in school, I can now where sleeveless and skater skirts paired with sandals and birks.

Winter fits - Every time I travel to other countries, it is usually autumn and winter seasons. I wore warmers inside matched with wool or trench coats outside paired with rubber shoes and boots.

Conference fits - As a doctor joining seminars and conferences, I get to improve my choice of clothes through buying from online shops with my very own money. This is where I tried to look prim and proper as a professional.

[lei-monade]

Land of the Blue Dragon

Throughout my moonlighting year, I was able to travel locally and internationally during my off days. One of my favorites was having a date with her in Vietnam.

It was both our first time in the country. It was a random decision to have a trip at Vietnam since we both liked seeing beautiful pictures of Sapa in the vlogs. I quite enjoyed the time there since the whole trip was smooth and according to the plan. I was able to taste real Pho and Egg Coffee, walk around the freezing weather in Fansipan, had shopping spree in Hanoi as well as going on a cruise of the UNESCO world heritage of Ha Long Bay.

It was one of my memorable trips since I get to spend more quality time with my mom through sleeping together at the sleeper bus, sharing spring rolls and Pho, taking each other's picture and drinking coffee together. My mom liked the country so much that she wanted to go back again.

I feel so grateful to be able to travel after passing the physician licensure exam. It felt like a big girl role to travel with just the two of us tranferring to different hotels. Despite of it, I felt relaxed and at ease to finally enjoy the moment especially with my mom.

[lei-monade]

Garage Sale

Every year, I usually donate my preloved clothes thru facebook marketplace because I don’t have the time to do meet ups and converse with strangers through chat. If you could remember, I set up a preloved online shop during the pandemic which was quite good however having bogus buyer was quite exhausting. This year, I can say I finally ticked one of my bucket list to have a garage sale at home with the help of my mother. Upon cleaning our cabinets and bodega, we noticed a lot of useable clothes and footwear both from my sisters and my mom. We then decided to have a garage sale on her birthday. The visitors can shop at the same time eat snacks in between. It was quite fun collaborating and decorating with my mom at our very own backyard. Though it was only a one day event, the guests still wanted more so maybe next year we could plan another garage sale making it more like a tradition.

[lei-monade]

TOOTHSOME THURSDAY

It's been a while since I made food collage.

1. Twinkies

2. Martin's Cinnamon Toast from Pancake House

3. Saan aabot ang P40 mo? Cornetto

4. Lasagna Treat by Ate

5. Non-aesthetic photo of Starbucks Coffee

6. Frozen Yogurt aka Froyo

7. Best Smores Cookies Ever!

8. Koffiepauze

9. Tea time

[lei-monade]

Oath Taken

It is already January 2025, a lot has happened in a year. I just turned 28 and is nearing 30 years old, quite the adulting right? So for the past years, I wanted to share the events that happened in my life or should I say milestones.

Two weeks after my internship graduation, I started my review for the licensure exam where I survived the whole ordeal of 2 months intensive review. By God's Grace, I passed the hardest exam of my life. I was so happy and excited to be able to attend the Oath Taking.

I remembered during my review season, I always search for cute filipiniana on the internet to keep me motivated to study and pass the exam.

After passing the exam, I feel so blessed that my mother prepared a Thanksgiving party for me at home. I was welcomed with congratulatory messages from friends and family. All I could say was to thank God because I wouldn't made it here without Him.

[lei-monade]

Officially a Doctor

The best plot twist of my life happened last October 2024. It was the month I took my physician licensure exam for the first time.

After finishing my internship, I only had 2 weeks of vacation and didn't get to have much rest from a very tiring Internal Medicine rotation. On August 1, I started my PLE journey with 12 subjects to finish in a span of 2 months. Our review was purely online however I decided to stay in a condo in Cebu so that I would have no distractions and I felt relaxed if I took the exams together with my classmates in med school. In the first weeks of review, I was very determined to listen to the synchronous 3 hour lectures and read my review notes. In the meantime, I noticed I was lagging behind with the daily schedule and had many backlogs. This was due to the fact that I am quite a slow learner, I have to repeat what I've red at least twice in order to understand the concepts. Luckily, I had my boyfriend with me throughout the review season. He managed to discuss the concepts I don't understand much and gave me motivation everyday which lessened my stress and break downs.

On October 5, the D-day arrived. My anxiety was through the roof. I felt that everything that I have studied was not enough. I only had 2 hours of sleep that time because I was very nervous the whole night and had to wake up at 4 AM since the call time was very early. Upon reaching to the testing site, I was quite excited to see my med classmates again after a year. Fortunately, my room assignment was in the auditorium where it was air conditioned with comfortable seats just like in cinemas. The whole vibe at the exam hall was quite enjoyable for I had small inspirational talks with my seat mate and friendly proctors. It helped me ease down my anxiety. The Taylor Swift songs played at the hall during breaks were a bonus too. Throughout the exam, I prayed every time I received a new test paper. Out of 12 subjects, 8 were difficult for me. My sure answers were only on a range of 10-20s out of 100. Although, I managed to remain calm and focused during the 4 days of the exam because my main goal was to pass the board exam.

At the last day of exam, I had very mixed emotions. I was teary eyed because I am glad I survived PLE at the same worried that I may fail the exam but I only hoped for the best to let go and let God. During the waiting days for the PLE results, I could say it was the most crucial days. I had thoughts of many what ifs. I browsed on Reddit posts from retakers in order to help me accept the things I cannot control of. I binged watched every Victoria Secret Fashion Show to distract me from social media. I prayed every day and at every church I visited. I prayed to God not just to pass the board exam but to have strength to accept whatever the result would be and yet He answered my prayer. On a random Saturday night at 12:40 AM, my boyfriend woke me up from sleep and said "Doctor na ka". Upon waking up, I was quite disoriented and thought he was joking but when he showed me the list of passers with my name on it, I cried with tears of joy. It took me a minute to pause and look at my complete name at the laptop screen as I was bestowed the license to become a doctor. I immediately called my mom and informed her that I passed. Everything felt surreal and I am so grateful with that moment.

[lei-monade]

Internship

A month after my med graduation, I started my Post Graduate Internship right away, I was lucky enough to match with my first hospital of choice.

Though my internship was not quite memorable as my clerkship. Maybe because we had 12 hours duty only instead of 30 hours duty during my clerkship. To top of that, I somehow created close relationships with my clerkship groupmates since despite the heavy workload, we manage to help each other and enjoy eating and drinking out during our off days.

However, I never became like my previous PGIs (not all) when I was a clerk. I never wanted a clerk to experience what I experienced before. I remember the time when a PGI lashed out on us in our groupchat just because we suggested to discuss the cases decked by them since there were no other unique cases to discuss for the endorsments. With that learning experience, I was helpful in guiding the clerks on what topics to study for their endorsements, I never scolded them verbally or virtually thru chats, and I never gave them loads of work.

Last July 2024, I graduated from my internship. I may not be the most outstanding intern but I know I did my best since one of my clerk said I was her favorite intern and one ER nurse also claimed that I was a very good intern at the ER.

[lei-monade]

Clinical Rotations

Surgery - I am very glad that I was able to experience hands on surgical procedures as I got the exposure of what it is like to be a surgeon. I was very interested in learning throughout the process in the operating room. I consider it one of my favorites as it made me love learning medicine again after being burned out of studying and having classes online.

ENT-HNS - My knowledge on this specialty is quite limited since I don’t usually get high scores in quizzes about the head and neck though I quite enjoyed reading the chapters in Cumming’s Otolaryngology especially on the topics that were new to me.

Internal Medicine - I must say it was very interesting for me to figure out what the patient’s problem and experiencing through history and physical examination. The  activities helped me master my skills in inserting IV, catheter and nasogastric tube in actual live patients rather than a dummy as well as performing skills such as giving rescue breaths through ambubag, manual fecal extraction, catheter flushing and oral suctioning.

Radiology - It was quite fulfilling even though we only had our rotation for 2 weeks. I felt like I learned a lot of things especially in requesting radiologic images in difficult cases. At first, I still had a hard time interpreting images but it takes a lot of practice in getting used to it.

Obstetrics & Gyne - At first, I had a hard time coping with the tasks but I slowly adjust with the very busy schedule and understand the process in the delivery room. I am proud that I was able to do internal exam, pap smear and deliver a baby as well as learned interpreting cardiotocograph and titrating oxytocin.

Pediatrics - Though it was quite stressful for me as I was very busy in every shift or duty. Most of my assigned cases were unique wherein I always get the chance to endorse my patients during morning endorsements. History taking is quite hard because of the additional questions to ask regarding natal history and developmental milestones but I am glad to perform a physical examination on a neonate including the ballard’s scoring.

Dermatology - I was motivated to study on this rotation because histology was my favorite subject back in premed. Though some words and abbreviations were new to me but it was a learning experience to observe dermatological procedures and identifying different types of skin lesions.

Ophthalmology - I was satisfied with the amount of learning the residents discussed to our group as I was able to fully know the different ophthalmic solutions and medications. It is very fulfilling to hear patients saying ‘thank you’’ of having their vision restored after surgery and consultations.

Anesthesiology - I admit that I had a hard time understanding the concepts at first since some of the topics were new to me since I am not good in pharmacology. However, I slowly learned on the techniques and principles of each drug given during operations.

Psychiatry - It was a unique and humbling experience for me as I learned so much about mental health. I quite enjoyed the rotation especially listening to the patients' history and dynamics in life.

Family, Urban & Community Medicine -  I really enjoyed throughout my rotation despite not being in the hospital. I loved the idea of facilitating health programs in the barangay as we were able to communicate with the people in the community.

[lei-monade]

Capricorn season

First birthday I've celebrated alone after my 7am-7pm shift. I bought myself a cake as a treat.

Celebrated my 24th Birthday with my family a year after the pandemic.

Sweet treat 19th Birthday at Ice Castle with friends

January babies at Vikings

Joint birthday celebration with Auntie Linda

[lei-monade]

Two Degrees Unlocked

One step closer to my dreams

Last July 2023, I finally got my degree in Doctor of Medicine after 4 years in medical school. I may not have honorable mention like in high school and college but I am so glad to finish it with no removals or repeated subjects.

I admit I did not have time to blog and took a lot of pictures throughout my med school journey but writing it here adds to my memory. Too bad I was not able to take a picture of my dorm room. I remembered the time when I moved my things to my new dorm, it felt I was back in college again. It was also my first time to share a room with my room mate Arana. However, my stay in the dorm was quite short because the pandemic happened. Though, I spent 2 years of online class but with years of sacrifice, one purpose is to heal and serve.

I felt immensed gratitude to my parents for the moral and financial support, to my clerkship group who made my duty days tolerable and unforgettable, and to Unica Events owned by my "igsu" Niña for designing my wonderful backdrop for my graduation party, and to everyone who went to the party and congratulated me.

Now celebrating an end of an era and a new chapter of life.

[lei-monade]

Real Magazine

Remember my old post about being a magazine designer wannabe last 2013? It was one of my dreams to create a magazine on my own, but guess what? Small dreams such as this, do come true.

During my clerkship rotation in Community Medicine, I volunteered to make our group portfolio of activities compiled in a magazine. It was a requirement to be submitted as a group project. It was an honor to design our very own magazine through the help of Canva. It brought out the high school self in me wherein I enjoyed editing photos like a scrapbook or magazine.

I did all the layout from cover to cover and adjusting the font sizes and colors. I am glad that my groupmates were quick to give their write ups, pictures and payment for the printing which did not gave me a hassle. As much as I wanted to post every page but for privacy purposes for the community, I wanted to post it this way. After all, it was like a real magazine that I always wanted to create.

[lei-monade]

Clerkship

The last 2 years were a roller coaster of emotions and I wanted to start by sharing my clerkship journey.

Last July 2022, I passed my subjects in Third year medicine and was officially a Senior Clerk. I felt so excited of almost finishing med school and have hospital exposure. At the same time, I was also nervous of what my one year clerkship will be since I will be meeting actual patients, monitor patients, endorse my cases to the residents and consultants and work on a 30 hour shift. It was a very fast pace of orientations, physical examinations, fulfilling all the requirements with a very limited time since our duties would start in August. The shift from being an online medical student to senior clerk was very hard for me due to culture shock and too much information to remember.

First day of clerkship had come, I was very lost on what to do. Everything was new to me since I've spent the last 2 years of my med school through online classes. There were a lot of group chats with residents and interns, new schedules every day, patients to interview for decking, cases to study for endorsements. I could say it was really exhausting. I remembered during my first surgery assist in the operating room I was shouted by the resident because it took a long time for me to put on my gloves, don't know how to retract and cut the suture. Then came OB rotation, I was scolded by the senior resident because I used the wrong cloth for draping during my first NSVD assist. The interns at that time were not even helpful in guiding me what to do. They didn't help us during endorsements and even went mad when we failed to call them as "Doc" so much of a superiority complex. I knew in that moment that clerks were treated as lowest form of animal in the hospital. We were literally bottom of the food chain. All the blame were put on us. Extensions were everywhere. I slowly realized if that was the life of becoming a doctor, I don't want it. I almost wanted to quit med school for good or wanted to transfer to another institution. But what kept me going was praying to God to be with me every day. I prayed to have benign shifts, that my decked cases with would be easy, or my name would not be called for endorsements.

Throughout the year, I slowly adjusted to my duties from busy schedules, toxic shifts and all the algorithm in working in a hospital. I had all the opportunity to intubate a live patient, insert IV and NGT, use an ambubag, performed manual fecal extraction, do newborn care, performed circumcision, and suture on a lacerated wound. I realized clerkship made me tough mentally, physically and emotionally though I lost 5 kgs of weight. I am glad and proud that I get to survived it. I've met new friends from other schools, learned a lot of skills in healthcare, gathered techniques from residents, practiced multitasking, built good relationships with my groupmates, and received compliments from patients' watchers. After all, I get to look back on these experiences as it made me mature enough and improved my work ethics.

[lei-monade]

Online Class

Last 2021, after being a locally stranded individual. I was able to get home safe. It is also when our official online classes started. However, it is a privileged to enroll in a medschool despite the pandemic but this was not the med journey I imagined. In the long run, I have to pursue this course to reach my lifelong dream of being a doctor especially my parents aren't getting any younger.

At my first year in med school, I survived without an ipad and apple pen. All I had with me was my heavy 6 year old laptop, and a wide notebook. I would sometimes feel envious of my classmates as they would be able to easily takedown notes with their ipads during lectures meanwhile I have to rewrite mine in a notebook. That is when I realized, this is not old school anymore. I have to adapt in order to survive medschool in a world of technology.

During the first 2 weeks of online class, I was so frustrated because my laptop cannot handle prolonged use and cannot use a live camera during our SGD sessions. The worst part, when I asked my parents to buy me an ipad they insisted I have to wait for 6-9 months. I told them that I need it now since online class already started and told them even the cheapest ipad they can buy I am okay with it as long as I have a replacement for my laptop. It really showed how desperate I was since mosty of my proctors were strict especially when I got disconnected. But I was still dictated on what mode and when I have to get it. I got really disappointed when they didn't trust me that I had found ways to inquire from a legit franchise store. I even had a good conversation with the owner and friends who shared good reviews with the store, but I felt embarrassed when my family insisted I should cancel it. In the end, they were able to buy an ipad after a month but from a different franchise store. It may be still a privilege, but I realized in that moment and from now on I have to keep everything to myself and use my own money in things I wanted to buy.

Luckily, I was able to survive online class for 2 years. With perseverance and diligence, I made through it.