@yunkiwii @poeticnotions @a-soft-hornytiny (idk if you wanted to be tagged even after you already read the german version)
Word Count: 2,500
Pairing: San (Ateez) X Mingi (Ateez), [bxb]
Warnings: Main character death
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Fantasy/Psychological
Summary: Losing a friend is never easy. So who wouldn't take any opportunity they get to bring them back?
Theme Song: Twilight - Ateez
[A/N: Dear god, I wrote this one in the BEGINNING of 2019! In February. February 10th is when I first uploaded it somewhere. I changed it s little bit during the translation, but not much since I didn't want to change the whole style. I hope it's still alright to read lmao. This isn't proofread yet tho, I will do that sometime in the future.
Anyways, the thanking is kinda difficult for this one, since again, it's old. So I'll just start with the obvious which is you for reading hehe. Sorry, that was corny. But really, thank you!
Also thank you to Kathy for encouraging me to translate and publish it.
However, back when I just wrote it, I had a few friends which include Pauli and JusJus who read and encouraged me to post it in the Ateez Amino, where other people gave me positive feedback! Thanks to all of them!
Last but not least, this is obviously fiction and doesn't represent Ateez at all. I had fun writing this but many of my views that I put into my writing back then have also already changed, but since it's nothing too serious, I still decided to post this.]
“So, will you tell me who you are?”, I asked the person in front of me with a skeptical expression. He just shrugged and replied: “A product of your imagination. An image of your longing. The personification of your desire.” I looked at him slightly annoyed. On the outside, I might seem disinterested, but on the inside I was burning from curiosity.
“Do you have a name?” He took his time before answering my question and scrutinized while he was seemingly thinking about said answer. He then nodded and replied calmly: “Mingi.”
Amazed and shocked at the same time, I looked at him. “M-Mingi? Did I understand you correctly? Your name is Mingi?” Mingi nodded again as I lowered my gaze. “Look at me.”, he demanded. Hesitantly, I turned my gaze back in his direction and glanced him straight in the eyes. “I know why my name shocked you.” While several tears slowly started running down my face, I shook my head and responded in a low voice: “You can’t know.”
He looked at me pityingly and went then on to say: “Mingi, your best friend, has been dead for a month, is that right? He was run over by a car when he pushed you out of the way to save your life, didn’t he?” How did he know that? A bit astonished but still sad, I nodded. “San.”, he began to speak again, whereupon I lowered my gaze again. “I have an offer for you.” Surprised but inquisitive, locked eyes with him again.
“What would that offer be?”, I questioned, while wiping away my tears. With a smile, he answered: “I will gift his life to Mingi for another three months. Then, he disappears again. You can spend three more months with him. That sounds good, doesn’t it?” I gleamed at him with joy. Would I really get to be three more months with my best friend?
But then I began to have doubts. What if there was a catch to the whole thing? “Of course, nothing is for free.”, Mingi explained, confirming my doubts, “For giving him another 7,948,800 seconds of life, you will have to do me a favor. What you’ll have to do, however, I will only tell you afterwards. Do you agree?” I wondered what favors he could be asking for, but I just didn’t know enough about him to jump to conclusions, so I just took the risk and agreed.
“Very good. The three months will start at midnight tomorrow. All of this here will seem like a dream to you and no one will remember his death. The memories will only come back to him in the last hour of his life. Until then, he will live just as always. And even if you forget that he was ever dead, consider that you could lose someone special to you every day. Enjoy the time you have with them.”
Then everything went black. Every little sound faded away and suddenly silenced. All that remained were my thoughts and my breath, which suddenly seemed so loud in this unbelievable situation.
Then the silence suddenly ended and I widened my eyes. I was no longer in that dark room with the person who called himself Mingi. I was home again. Back on my old leather desk chair in front of my window, from which I recognized a person standing on the mountain at the edge of the forest. I had to grin at the thought of who the person up there might be, so I immediately got up to check my theory.
I fought through the last branches on my way to finally reach my goal. I looked around and saw… Nothing. There was no one here except me. Have I been wrong? Did my eyes deceive me? I closed my eyes. Then I opened them again and looked around again, this time more carefully. Still, nothing. Was I really wrong?
“San? What are you doing here?” The familiar voice of Mingi interrupted my thoughts. I turned around and looked directly into his beautiful, dark eyes. “Mingi!”, I cried joyfully, “I saw you from home and wanted to ask you what you’re doing up here!” He smiled at me. I loved that smile. He often showed it when we were doing something together. “Oh,”, he giggled, “I honestly don’t know myself. I woke up here at around midnight tonight and then thought to myself, ‘why shouldn’t I just stay here and wait for the sunrise?’ And well, I was just about to start my way back home when I saw you.” The sunrise really was gorgeous seen from up here on the mountain. Mingi and I had pitched a tent here before, so we could stay overnight and have a look at it in the morning. It was fantastic. Breath taking I would even say. When the time came, Mingi and I sat on the little bench that was placed up here. Since I was really tired, he pulled me closer, so I could put my head on his shoulder and he could put an arm around me. It was then that I discovered my feelings for Mingi. It was a wonderful day that I won’t ever forget.
“Was it as beautiful as back then?”, I asked him. He shook is head. “Not even half as beautiful! With friends, especially with as great ones as you are, everything is better.” He was so cute and nice to me. At that moment, I realised how glad I was that I was just dreaming earlier. Losing Mingi would be the worst thing I could ever imagine.
“We should do that again. Preferably as soon as possible!”, I suggested happily. He agreed eagerly before taking my hand and saying: “I promise you that we’ll repeat this soon. Before winter comes. But for now we should go back. It’s getting cold!”
When we left the forest again, the sun shone directly into my face and blinded me. Noticing this, Mingi took a pair of sunglasses out of his pocket and handed them to me. “The sun is shining, yet it’s cold.”, I complained, annoyed. Mingi replied, also annoyed: “That’s right, but we could go to the cinema! The sun doesn’t shine there and it’s not too cold either. In addition, it’s October and Halloween is about to happen, so it’s time for horror movies.” I nodded hesitantly. I actually really dislike horror movies, but he had a point. It was October and soon also Halloween. That’s why the best horror movies were shown in the cinema.
During the movie, I already regretted my decision again. Trembling with fear, I sat in my seat. But despite my fear, my eyes were still fixed on the screen and I followed the events in the movie attentively. The movie captivated me.
Suddenly, I felt a little pressure on my shoulder and winced in fear. “Are you scared?”, Mingi whispered to me. I exhaled with relief as I heard his voice, since it was just my best friend and not one of the creatures shown in the movie. I nodded quickly, whereupon he hugged me. “You don’t need to be scared. I’m with you.” I smiled at his comforting words, which turned into a tremor of fear due to a jump scare happening on the screen in front of us. Mingi hugged me tighter, so I exhaled in relief again.
I was incredibly happy to have him. He was always there for me. He was not only there for me when watching horror movies – which I wouldn’t watch without him anyways – but also when I was younger, and others always put me down. The first time I was lovesick, he distracted me. With him, I had spent the most terrible moments in my life, in which he always distracted me, but also the best moments, that wouldn’t have even happened without him.
I didn’t know what a life without Mingi would look like and I also didn’t want to imagine it either, as it would surely be a sad, fearful and just plain dark and cold life. Mingi was basically the reason that made me feel good, the lead to a happy, beautiful life.
“San?”, I was startled, which made him chuckle. “San, the movie is over.” Confused, I looked at him first and then at the screen on which they just listed the names. “Huh? Already?”, I asked, still slightly dazed. Mingi began to laugh softly before answering my question: “Already? The movie lasted over two hours!” Two hours? How long have I thought about our friendship?
“Well, it doesn’t matter now anyways.”, he interrupted my thoughts again. “Come on, I’m hungry.” My best friend took my hand and led me to a place where he ordered two take-away tacos. He gave me one and together, we went back into the forest that led up to the mountain, since we decided to eat them together on the bench.
Exactly 16 days later, on October 17th, we both were sitting there again. As Mingi had already promised me, we wanted to spend the night there together again and enjoy the pretty view when the sun rises in the morning. “You know,” Mingi started, while calmy admiring the night sky, “Darkness stands for negative things. Loneliness and sadness. The stars that shine in the dark are sparks of hope.” He then took a short break before continuing his speech: “But only the sun gifts enough hope to break through and end the darkness, the negativity.” Puzzled about what he meant and in the hope he would explain it to me, I looked at him. However, he stayed silent. So I just looked up ahead and admired the night sight of the starry sky.
After a while, in which I just looked at the stars at Mingi’s side, I yawned. “Tired again, already?”, he assured himself in a hushed voice. Nodding, I turned to Mingi, whose gaze was still on the stars. Despite the darkness, I could see a slight smile on his lips as he hugged me again. “We’ll do it like last time.” I grinned at his words and rested my head on his shoulder.
The hours passed while we quietly enjoyed the nightly vista . Then, after a few hours, the sun finally rose. It’s golden glow encompassed me and my best friend, in addition to the countless plants around us. Slowly, I took my head from his shoulder and eyed the flowers below us, which looked like they were shining due to the sun.
“It’s beautiful.”, I whispered, rather to myself than to Mingi. “I agree. I’m really grateful to be able to experience this here again with you.” I nodded with a big smile.
“Both, at night and by day the view is breathtaking.”, I stated. Mingi agreed cheerfully. We spent a few more hours together on this mountain and talked about all sort of things. The day passed, like many others. Finally, it was Halloween, which Mingi and I spent together. He had persuaded me to watch a horror movie, that I spent clinging onto him. Time passed until Christmas, which we also spent together by watching stupid, cheesy children movies, eating tons of delicious food and of course presents. And then, New Year’s Eve.
I spent that day alone at my desk and got lost in thoughts. At around 11PM, I received a message from Mingo, so I opened my phone and read said message, which told me to come up to the mountain as he had something important to tell me before the year ended. I got on my way again and arrived half an hour before midnight.
“San!”, he called me.
“Mingi! What’s up? What do you want to tell me?” Several tears ran down his cheek. “San. You are my sun.” I thought about his words for a moment, then I remembered what he said about hope that night under the starry sky. I walked up to him and hugged him. Partly because of is tears and partly because of his words.
“But,” he began to speak again, “the three months end at midnight.” The three months?
“D-do you mean…?”, I stuttered. He nodded and confirmed my horrible guess: “It wasn’t a dream, San. My time ends in 21 minutes. But, you know what? It’s okay with me. I know my life is about to end, but I don’t mind. At least I was able to spend my last time with you. There’s only one thing I’d regret never doing.”
Towards the end I barely listened to him anymore. I couldn’t. My face was flooded with tears, my eyes read and sticky. Everything was far away and noisy. I suddenly felt unsteady, as if I was falling into an infinite emptiness full of pain and sadness. My heart was torn apart, trampled on and thrown away. I looked at him trembling and asked: “What?”
He hugged me tighter than ever. “San, stop crying. Your tears won’t give me my life back. Death was my decision back then. I didn’t die to make you sad. I died to make you live. Don’t destroy it with your grief. It’s okay for me to die.” He paused for a moment and then continued to speak a little quieter and weaker: “But it’s not okay for me that you are sad.”
I lifted my head and stared him straight in the eyes. Anemic and quivering with tears, I mumbled: “How am I supposed to be happy if I can’t have you with me?” He carefully stroked my back.
“I will always be with you. No matter if dead or alive.”
I sniffed before I said: “T-thank you. M-Mingi, it’s two minutes before midnight.” He nodded slowly, for one last time, before loosening the hug and looking into my crying eyes.
“Before I die, there’s just one last thing I want to do. May I?” Even if I didn’t know what he was up to, I nodded. I wanted to grant him his very last wish, for all that he’s done for me.
He brought his face closer to mine and put his lips on mine. Surprised in the best way possible, I closed my eyes and returned the kiss.
In this moment, I should feel the most beautiful and exciting feeling in the world. All of the grief was suddenly gone and what remained was the joy of finally being able to feel Mingi’s lips on mine and the love I felt for him.
The Countdown began, but I didn’t notice a thing. Everything revolved only around the two of us. At this moment, there was only him and me. Everything else seemed unimportant. I put all my feelings into the kiss, knowing it would be the best but also the last kiss. It had to be special.
Then, everything was gone. The three months were over.
I opened my eyes and looked around. It was no longer New Years Eve. It was October again. Mingi was dead. I felt a light breeze on my skin, that wafted the incredibly familiar whisper of Mingi with it.
I'm frustrated. Tumblr won't show my post in the tags I used and I just don't know what to do. I'll give it one last try on my laptop but if that doesn't work, I guess I won't upload it
idk if i should be proud or what but i think im passing the ' lowest ' phase !! yay me ig . it's weird uhhh but in a good way . you may not realize but ranting here actually help me in some way . fjdbdhsn pls i don't want to experience that again
- cutie dee 🌼
That's absolutely a reason to be proud of yourself! I'm proud of you too! And I'm glad it helps you, you can always rant here!
yooo you're not gonna believe what happened yesterday . let me do this in point
possible tw : sexual harassment ??
i went grocery shopping with my mom
i met my ex omfl
yk the one who ask for my... yeah yeah
IT WAS HIM , IDK HOW HE CAN BE THERE WHEN IT'S ACTUALLY ALMOST IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO BE THERE
bcus he lives in another state and we're on lockdown so crossing the state is actually a no
im thinking why was he there but meh doesn't matter much
then he approached me saying he's sorry and he won't do that again
im not buying that , uh uh , never
my mom saw us together I PANICKED I FREAKING PANICKED
like my mom is very strict with friends so when i have male friends she'll ask bunch of questions and get very suspicious of me fhdbsbs
you know what he did ? he greeted my mom and left . he just make everything worse jfddjdjd
i told my mom to not get any ideas and said we're just friends . i also told her that i don't really like him bcus he's a sexist ??
she told me to stay away from him , duhh maa . i already do . he's the one who's trying so hard to make me trust his horny ass
yea that's basically it
im sorry if any of this makes you feel uncomfortable
No, no it's fine. I can actually deal with quite a lot. But this is just absolutely terrible. He sounds like such a terrible and disgusting person. I'm glad you're staying away from him and I really hope nothing too bad happened after that? :(
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