I guess the first place to start is to introduce myself, My name is Aleshia and I live in small town Louisiana. I am married to an amazing man and currently have 3 beautiful children, one adopted and 2 we are currently fostering. My blog plan is to open peoples eyes to what it is really like to adopt/foster children. You see all these sad stories and news articles about children being abused and neglected but often don't get to see what happens to them after they are taken away from their family and placed with strangers. I am here to answer questions, give advice and let you into my life of raising kids who are just looking for love.
I start with our history, it all began in April 1989 when i was born....lol just kidding..fast forward to 2010 when I married my best friend. We knew we wanted kids so we started the journey to make babies. Lets me honest we started before we were married but thats another story. I personally always knew I wanted to adopt because my brother is adopted. After years of trying and not succeeding to get pregnant we started talking about becoming Foster parents. Not long after looking into it we decided it was the right road for us. So we started our MAPP classes to get certified as foster parents, come July 2013 our certification went through, then after a temp placement a gorgeous blue eyed blond hair boy came to stay with us. I fell in love with him instantly.
Now in foster care they have what is called a 72 hour hearing where, 72 hours after they come into care, they go before a judge and the judge decides if the kids stay in care, go to the parents or back to their parents. This little boy was our first placement to stay after his 72 hour hearing. After that hearing you have a FTC meeting with the parents, foster parents, workers, attorney and CASA workers. Nobody can prepare you for this meeting. They parents instantly hate you, but you have to keep a straight face. They are just hurting and see you as the bad guy. Then comes the part where you learn why the kids came into care...THIS is where my heart break EVERY TIME. Having to sit in a room with all these people and not make a face, can't show emotion, you have to keep a straight face the whole time. No matter how much your heart is breaking for the children, and not just the children, but the parents who (whatever their addiction is) couldn't take care of their kids the way they needed to, and ended up where they are that day.
This is where our job gets difficult, this is where you have to show empathy, because no matter how bad these parents messed up, deep down they LOVE their children. Yes I said it..they LOVE their children. Yes they have made mistakes that led them to where they are that day. Now this is where everything changes. The parent's receive their case plan and what they need to do in order to get their children back. This is when they get hit in the face with their mistakes and they have to decide what they are going to do. This is where as foster parents you encourage them to do what they need to do. Our main goal going into each meeting is reunification, its to get this family back together again.
Now I am not saying this is easy, to hear what these kids have been through but to put your feelings aside and show them empathy and support. To show them you are not the enemy and that you are here to help them. The way you are is loving their kids unconditionally while they try and get their lives back together again. We as humans all make mistakes, some worse then others. Its is our jobs as christians to look past each others mistakes and love each other anyway.
So our little man stayed with us, in the first 3 months i was slapped across the face, kicked, spit on, punched, told he hated me and lots of tears. But there was also lots of hugs, kisses, laughs and love. Many people can't handle it, my child's worker even told me most people would have asked for him to be moved to another home. That really confused me, yes it was hard, yes he was mad, but he wasn't mad at me. He was pushing to see if we would give up on him, or to see if we loved him past all his hurt. We took the bad with the good..and 6-9 months into it there was more good then bad.
So after months of visits, court and meetings comes the decision to either Terminate parental rights or for the kids to return to their parents. At our TPR, the mother waived her parental rights, not because she didn't love her son, but because she DID! She loved him more then she loved herself which is why she gave him up, because she knew she couldn't take care of him like he needed to be taken care of. Before we went into court, I held her why she cried, I told her no matter what happened she would always be his mother. I wasn't there to take her place, because no one ever could. I held her because she was all alone and I didn't want her to feel that way. She tried but failed and that is the worst thing she will have to live with the rest of her life.
3 months later we adopted the cutest little boy, 6 years old, and named him Levi James. We love him so much! He has such a big heart for a little boy who entered foster care 3 times in his life. He loves to be loved! He loves kisses and hugs and snuggles. He is a total different child then when he first came to stay with us. Don't get me wrong, he can throw a fit like no ones business but they are not as often as they were. He has his days where he misses his bio family. We make sure he knows its ok to miss them, its ok to feel whatever he is feeling. I hold him when he cries and love him through his pain.
We recently got a call for a sibling who needed a place to stay so we opened our home to them. They are the cutest little kiddos. They are so innocent to everything going around them. I don't know what the future hold for them, but I pray God sends them where they need to be.
I plan to blog our day to day experience with your children. Like today my son learned a very important lesson in what not to say to his little siblings. We were riding in the car and the new little ones kept calling me Mommy, well he got upset and told them they didn't have a mom and that I was his mom. The little ones didn't catch it but I did. So when we got where we were going I got the little ones out and pulled Levi off to the side to talk to him. I asked him why he said that and his response was that, "Well if they are living with us then they don't have a mom, and we haven't adopted them so you aren't there mom." In his mind he thought he was right but didn't realize how what he said could really hurt their feelings. So I explained that they have a mom and dad but they can't take care of them right now, just like his old mom and dad, and for now I was their mom and Dad was their Dad. He realized what he said was wrong, and after a while he apologized to them. He is still learning and growing. He couldn't imagine that what he went through other people go through too. It made him realize he is not alone but it also made him sad for them. Our little 6 year old has been through more stuff then most adults, that sometimes I have to remind myself he is only a 6 year old kid, who is still a little scared on the inside, who had his whole family ripped away from him. Many people say he is lucky, but the truth is he went through the worse thing anyone should ever have to go through. We are the lucky ones, because he now calls us Mom and Dad.
