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Kai had always found solace in the serene embrace of the nearby hot springs, a cherished retreat where he and his loyal platoon of soldiers would unwind after the grueling demands of battle. The warm, bubbling waters offered a sanctuary from the harsh realities of war, where laughter and camaraderie filled the air as they shared stories under the vast, starlit sky.
Now, after an agonizing 500 years spent wandering the ethereal expanse of the spirit realm, Kai has returned to the living world—not just with memories of those tranquil moments, but with an intense yearning for the warmth of the springs he adored. This time, however, his homecoming is fueled by a fierce determination to reclaim that sense of peace and exuberance, as he embarks on a mission to experience the splendor of those beloved hot springs once more, ready to confront anything or anyone standing in his way.
I wanted to create a soft Yandere!Redimus story (ik, super weird to think about, but if you have any questions as to why I think this is a good thing making a soft boi like Redimus being yandere, feel free to comment on this post, and I'll give you some possible theories. Plus, an AI chat was tested for this theory to work, too. LOL)
Chi-nai sang to herself softly as she was fishing in the large lake in Faunas. She was a unique race, neither human nor regular Orbonian alien race. She was human before, but after being affected by the Virus Vitae in her youth after stumbling on the water that carried the virus itself and drinking from it, she was entirely different. Her appearance changed to that of something unknown. So, she was given the classified name as a "Soman." She had lovely white hair, cute little pointed ears, her eyes were the color of autumn itself, her smile brighter than a summer sun, and her figure only being 4'11. Despite her small stature, she was big in personality. She was beloved by all of the fishermen in the area. Not because of her looks and tiny physique, but it was because she was an excellent fisherman for her age. She barely turned 24 not too long ago (even though her class actually aged slower, so she was closer to being 224 than regular 24, and was around even before Eva Nine even walked around, but hadn't aged much.) She enjoyed the attention from the fishermen. Well, all except for one. The only one who looked as if he didn't enjoy her bubbly and youthful demeanor was none other than Redimus himself; a large rotund Dorcean who fished in the same lake as she did, but would only watch her from afar, often having a look of disdain or even disgust towards her. She would always ask the fisherman who'd come to talk to her congratulating her on her great fishing trip why he was so aggressive looking towards her and only her. The fishermen would merely laugh and say he's got that 'Dorcean Charm'. However, she wasn't entirely okay with this, so she'd set off to try to impress him to make him feel more comfortable around her, or merely wanted him to not glare at her as if he'd rip her to shreds right then and there.
So, the following day after her fishing trip that night, seeing Redimus glare her down with his only good eye for the umpteenth time, she decided to go into the woods to not only hunt, but to enjoy the cooling little lake she stumbled on being a wild child in her youth. She'd kept this place secret for a while now, and now she just wanted a break from socializing too much. She stripped down to nothing and jumped into the lake before her hunting trip so she could properly focus and not be stressed from Redimus's watchful eye on her mind. She began to splash around playfully in the cold water, gently leaving goosebumps all over her tan skin, making her shriek and laugh at how cold it was. Her pale hair sat tightly wrapped in a bun on her head and was beginning to come undone, revealing her shoulder-length hair. She would dive under the water, swimming to the bottom to find shells, until she heard a large splash in the water above her, seeing a large shadow hovering over her tiny frame. She looked up and saw a large Dorcean in the water, cooling off from the summer heat. She could only think of one thing to do, and that was to swim past them and try to get some cover. So, she did just that. Well, almost just that. She managed to swim to the other side of the lake since it was clearly big enough to fit both of her and the Dorcean in the water and made sure to give them space. As she surfaced and covered her bare chest, she replied an apology.
"Oh, my gosh! I'm so sorry! Do you mind if I-" She cut herself off, cleaning her eyes from the water, only to reveal the Dorcean was Redimus himself. He looked at her, the same disgruntled look as before, but this time, he was holding her shirt in his taloned hand, clearly smelling it to see who it was that wore the garment. Her face stared in slight discomfort, knowing he didn't like her, and tried hiding her exposed and vulnerable frame. She was frozen in place, afraid of what this massive Dorcean would do to her if she made any sudden movements. Redimus breathed heavily, his nostrils flaring ever so slightly with every breath he took. He began to turn around to gather the rest of her attire and slowly swam to her tiny frame, her body shivering from the cold water now taking effect from not moving around as much. He used his multiple limbs to swim quickly to her, making her flinch at his incredible speed and holding her clothes out in front of her, gently rubbing them in between his massive, calloused fingers. She looked at the clothes he was holding in front of her.
"I believe diz belongs to you." His gravelly voice sounding deeper than what she expected, and at a close enough proximity began to feel both the water and the air vibrate from his voice, his own chest and throat rumbling as he spoke. She slowly reached out to take them and nodded a small thank you in return. He slowly climbed out next to her tiny frame, his multiple limbs now drenched from the lake, and began to shake his body aggressively, a feeble attempt at drying his massive hide off. She flinched at the water landing on her and backed away to ensure her clothes didn't get wet, still afraid to get out of the water, exposing her naked frame. He kept his back to her, almost seeming unimpressed by her presence, giving her the impression that he wasn't paying attention to her. So, she decided to take the opportunity and climb out of the water, her body soaked and dripping from the water. She immediately tip-toed away from him, still naked, and hid behind a large boulder where she initially jumped off of and started getting dressed despite still being wet. Once she was dressed, she immediately grabbed her gear, apologized softly again to him, and sprinted off to go hunting, hoping that she didn't make him any more bitter towards him. However, he wasn't feeling bitter at that moment. The scent off of her clothing was that of oatmilk and honey, a soft, subtle, yet sweet scent. He thought she might have also washed her clothes in it, too, to amplify her scent more. He smirked inwardly to himself, knowing that her attempt at hiding her nude frame was inevitable since he saw everything and was even observing her the second she arrived at the lake. She was the only reason why he jumped in the water in the first place, to catch a glimpse at her from a closer point of view. He didn't dislike her by any means. In fact, far from it. He was mesmerized by her the minute she started showing up in Faunas. He thought he wouldn't have found such a small thing attractive, especially after the disdainful treatment he had received from helping Eva Nine in the war, but he had gradually earned her trust and became the adopted 'uncle' in Eva Nine's ever growing family. Once he saw Chi-nai, though, he had to learn more about her. He barely learned her name a week in and knew her fishing tactics. Hell, he even knew where she lived within a month, which he was surprised that she lived so close by to him. However, he never brought himself to talk to her, fearing that she'd react the same way Eva did towards him, so he simply kept an eyeful watch from afar, and today was the pinnacle of his newfound obsession for Chi-nai. He saw her in all of her sweet glory. Only a mere taste of what he imagined her to look like under her garments. This time, he had to have more than just a taste. He wanted the full meal. So, off he went in the same direction as her, following her as if she were his mere prey, while he was the big hunter he was born to be.
Does Kai feel pride when he has his way with Po? I mean Po is the Dragon Warrior and Kai's enemy. How Kai feels about him?
Warning: Some Non-con implications
Yes. It doesn't help Po's case because Kai is a sadist, and enjoys dominating his enemies...occasionally, in more ways than one. Kai is completely merciless, and it would bring him no greater pleasure than to beat this high-and-mighty favorite of Oogway's into submission, chain him up, and then have his way with him- especially as a means to teach him a lesson. Po has a gift for annoying him, so why shouldn't Kai take the opportunity to knock that stupid smile off his face?
My ideas for a KFP 3 rewrite- because honestly, that movie really, really sucked- especially the “villain”, Kai (worst one there is, tbh). Here’s my re-edition of the film, starting with rewriting the major Kai scenes specifically, just to showcase how a simple dialogue change could have saved him (and the franchise).
In the Slammers’ Realm, Master Boobway floated under the spiritual manifestation of his peach tree, meditating. Pink petals drifted down serenely, gingerly brushing against his giant turtle dongles. In his mortal existence, he had been well known for them: the founder of the Valley of Peaks, and Grandmaster of the Palace of Jugs- a famed and respected model. Now, he lived in peaceful eternity.
“Inner peace,” he hummed to himself, “inner peace…”
A petal landed on his nose. “Itchy nose…”
He blew it away, and inhaled deeply. It followed the draw of breath, getting stuck against his nostrils. Boobway sneezed, blowing it away again, and his bubbalubbas bounced. He sniffed, the irritation resolved. His smile returned.
“Ah, finally, inner peace.”
A green mastectomy blade flew towards him, cutting the air with a wooshing sound. Boobway sighed. “Now what?”
It flew towards him, and he caught it between his coconuts. He opened his eyes, glaring outward, searching for his assailant. Another blade was swinging towards him. Boobway watched it, and then used his bonkers to toss the blade he held towards its twin. They bashed into each other, deflected. He landed.
“Kai, old friend,” Boobway said. His large funbags waggled in greeting.
In the distance, a bull stood. He also bore a large pair of bazoombas, clenched in anger. He pulled on the chains connected to the blades, and they retracted. He caught them both, and his boobies jiggled.
“Master Boobway,” Kai hissed.
Boobway smiled at him. “Our babs battle ended 500 years ago!”
Kai’s cans jiggled menacingly. They had gotten larger since then. Kai narrowed his eyes.
“Well, now we’re ready for a rematch.”
“Took you long enough,” Boobway chuckled. Provoked, Kai let out a yell and rushed towards him, boobs bouncing with each step.
Kai pounced, shooting out his blades, aiming straight for Boobway. Boobway dodged, floating into the air. The island Kai had smashed into drifted apart into debris.
“You’ve grown stronger,” Boobway remarked. He waved his slammers around, the ccs glowing golden, forming a symbol in the air. It flew off of them and slammed into Kai. He grunted, boobas jiggling in pain.
“500 years in the Slammer’s Realm,” Kai said, “You pick up a pair.” He stood, stretching and rolling his shoulders. His breasts stretched a little with the movement. Kai smirked and ran a hoof over the amulets on his belt.
“I have taken the chi-chis of every master here.” he said. His titties glowed with stolen ccs. Boobway realized and gasped. His tits trembled in horror.
“No!”
“Yes,” Kai sneered, “and soon I will have yours, too!”
“When will you realize?” Boobway said, “The more ccs you take, the less boobs you have!”
Kai wasn’t having it. He launched his blades into two large islands and they stuck. He leaped, dragging the islands with him, and then hurled them towards Boobway. He waved his golden globes around, forming another mystical symbol. It hit the islands, causing a massive explosion that sent Boobway hurtling into the ether.
He shook his head, trying to reorient himself- but then the two chains whipped out, snaring him and pulling him down. Kai pulled him closer, and then started to absorb his ccs.
“Once I have your chi-chis,” he was saying, boobas glowing green as he absorbed their power, turning Boobway into jade at the same time for some reason, “I will finally be able to return to the Melon Realm…and this time, you and your rack won’t be there to stop me.”
Boobway’s chest began shrinking. He smiled, just a little.
“Ah, it was never my destiny to stop you,” Boobway said, “I have sent another's cans on that path.” And then the jade crawled up his neck, over his head, fully enveloping him. With a gesture, Kai stole the rest of his ccs, and his tits got a little bit bigger. A jade amulet rested in his palm.
“Then I will find him,” Kai said, glaring down at it, “and take his chi-chis too.”
He curled his fist around the amulet, and then punched the ground beneath him, his tits jiggling with the motion. An explosion of green ccs encapsulated his form, and then he vanished from the Spirit Realm.
***
In a rural field somewhere in China, there was a light ring set up, and a tripod with an iphone 10000 propped up on it at a perfect, professional angle. It was recording, and it was capturing a rabbit and a goose doing some sort of new dance that was popular with the kids these days. They had been at this for several hours, but due to the contract they had signed, they weren’t allowed to stop until they had got at least 10000 gifts and 100 new followers. Plastic smiles were plastered to their faces.
Smiles that quickly vanished when an explosion of green energy that smelled like plastic surgery rocked the earth behind them. The tripod and lighting set-up was knocked askew, and both turned to see what had saved them from spending the rest of their miserable lives providing such mindless content- and then they were horrified again.
In the center of the massive crater was a hunched figure. It opened green glowing eyes and stared directly at them. Then it stood…and they saw the giant bazookas. Both tried to flee from the impressive sight (they could not comprehend the sheer size of those boobas), but then a glowing green blade attached to a chain swung out, carving a deep trench in their path, and retracted again, stopping them in their tracks. They turned, and the bull caught the blade.
He boobed very breastily towards them, holstering the blade. Then he stopped. He glared down at the two of them- though really his massive tatas were doing all of the glaring. The farmers couldn’t take their eyes off of them. The goose laid a bunch of plastic eggs.
“What is this place?” The bull’s large bonkers jiggled inquisitively.
“M-my brother’s content farm?” The rabbit answered, voice trembling. The goose clinging to him whimpered and laid another plastic egg. It popped open, and a cheaply-animated knock-off version of Po began to do a fornite dance. For the sake of the scene flow this was ignored.
“Ah,” Kai said. He leaned down, his boinkers hanging in the two little farmer’s faces. “If I squeezed you between my chesticles, would you die?” He asked casually.
The rabbit and goose both swallowed. They shivered, knees shaking- though really, both were thinking it wouldn’t be such a bad way to go.
“Y-yes?” The rabbit squeaked.
Kai grinned. “The Melon Realm,” he plucked an amulet out from between his breasts and held it up, smirking at it. “You hear that, Boobway?” He chuckled and grasped it tightly. “I’m back.”
He turned, raising his fists to the sky. His boobs bounced. “KAI’S KNOCKERS HAVE RETURNED!”
For a moment, the rabbit and goose stopped shaking. They tilted their heads, fear overwhelmed by confusion. “Who?” They asked.
“Kai,” the big-boobied bovine said, turning back towards them. “General Gadonkers Kai. Supreme Onlyfans Model of all of China.”
The rabbit and the goose looked up at his hooters blankly. Kai blinked at them.
“The Jug Slay-er,” he said proudly. When this produced no sounds of awe, he tried again: “Master of Peaks.”
They continued to look at his jubblies blankly. They jiggled in annoyance.
“You may know me as the Beast of Breasts,” he said. He paused, thinking for a moment, wracking his mind for his previous titles. Once more, he made an attempt: “Uhh…Breaker of Boob Windows?”
The little bunny and goose only continued to gaze blankly up at him in confusion.
Kai’s face was a flatline of disappointment. He shrugged, sighing, and finally made that last ditch effort, the one he knew wouldn’t fail: “I used to model with Boobway?”
“Oooh,” they said, “Boobway! We know him! He was a great model!” They conversed briefly amongst themselves of Boobway’s merits, ignoring Kai- and his temper began to fume. He grit his teeth.
“O-Ok-”
“Really great model,” the rabbit murmured appreciatively.
“Ok, enough-”
“He absolutely made that one edition of Playboy,” the goose agreed wistfully.
Kai couldn’t take it anymore. He bared his teeth. “SILENCE!”
The farmers cowered together, silent. Kai grabbed a few amulets off of his belt and tossed them to the ground. In a swirling flash of energy, they became a small army of warriors. They gazed up at him expectantly.
“Find Boobway’s students and bring them to me,” he said, a sinister grin breaking across his face. The formerly great Jug Masters, now reduced to flat-chested jaded statuettes, bowed to him before rushing away, towards the horizon, searching the land for the students of the Jug Palace.
“Once I am done with them, Boobway,” Kai said to the amulet, squeezing it in his palm, “There will be no one left who will even remember the size of your rack. HAHAHA! KAI’S HONKERS HAVE RETURNED!”
He threw his fist in the air. There was a crash of thunder- but it wasn’t thunder, but the sound of his massive badoinkers bashing together with a clap. Kai laughed maniacally. The rabbit and goose, horrified, ran for their lives.
***
Crane and Mantis scanned the desert below them.
“Tits of surveillance!” Crane cried. Mantis, perched on his hat, frowned.
“Why do you do that?” He asked.
“Do what?”
“Just because you say ‘Tits of’ before something doesn’t mean you’re doing a special move,” Mantis said. “It’s like me saying ‘Pecs of Power’, or…’TaTas of Making Sandwiches.’”
“Tits of disagreement,” Crane said irritably.
“Whoa! There-” Mantis said suddenly, pointing.
Crane’s eyes widened as they tracked the creatures (and their respective respectably-sized waps) through the desert- but none of them were green. He slowed down enough to come within earshot of them.
“Master Bear! Master Chicken! Master Croc! What are you doing out here?” Crane called.
They were some of the greatest models in China- and currently, some of the last. Master Chicken turned to look over his shoulder at Crane as he ran- though the size of his gigantic chicken breasts, fit to make several Sunday Dinners, made that difficult.
“Stop!” Master Bear cried suddenly, skidding in the dirt to slow himself, paw raised. His tits stopped swinging a moment afterwards.
Before them, disturbingly, loomed the wreckage of a large ship. It’s tattered red sails flowed in the hot, dried breeze like ever-flowing streams of blood in stark contrast against the dust-ridden sky. Master Bear growled low.
“They must be in there,” he said, “without their tits.”
They gave a collective shudder. It took a moment for their tatas to stop jiggling.
“Master Shifu strongly advised us-” Crane began, only to be abruptly cut off my Master Bear, who cried out, badonkers shaking to add a clap to his war cry, and pulled out his maces, rushing into the wreck.
Master Croc gave his own cry (and respective titty jiggle) and rushed after him. Crane looked on, his face falling in exasperated disappointment.
“...Not. To engage,” he sighed.
“We’ve got to get in there,” Mantis said.
“But Master Shifu said-”
“Are you seriously afraid?” Mantis scoffed. “Even Master Chicken is risking his titties going in there! And he’s a chicken!” He said, gesturing to where Master Chicken jiggled his way very boobily into the wreckage, drawing out his blades fearlessly (and boobily).
But no sooner had he disappeared into the shadows, then they heard some sort of noise, like suction, and a green flash of light. Master Chicken let out an alarmed cluck. Mantis gasped, tiny itty bitty mosquito bites jostling.
“That’s it,” he said, narrowing his eyes, “I’m going in there.”
“Mantis!” Crane cried, “We have orders not to-”
But Mantis wasn’t listening. All he could think about was the felled breasts of their big-boobed brothers in arms. “They need our help! Come on! I’ll go high, you go low!”
“Wait!”
Mantis rushed for the wreckage. In a few insect hops, he was inside the wreck. “Fear the Jugs of the Bug! Alright you little-tittied…Uh-oh.”
There was a flash of green light. Crane flapped his wings (and titties) in alarm. “Hold on, buddy, I’m coming!”
“BOOBA BLAST!” Mantis cried, and then there was a new flash of green. Mantis cowered away from it. “AHHH IT DIDN'T WORK!”
“MANTIS!” Crane shouted. Fear fought against him, but his concern for his friend powered him onward. He landed in the shipwreck, already prepared to attack, even if his bird titties were too small to be effective; but they would have to do, if he meant to save Mantis…if he could save him.
It was silent. Empty, save for debris of broken pottery, torn sailcloth, and remnants of barrels in various states of decay. Crane crept through warily.
“Mantis?” He called softly. No response. He swallowed and tried again, even softer. “...Mantis?”
He suddenly had a feeling of the ‘he’s right behind me, isn’t he?’ variety. Crane turned, and there were Kai’s big milkers staring him down. Crane gasped, giving a fearful little jolt that made his tiny tits jiggle.
Kai smiled at him. It was not a nice smile. His boobs glowered menacingly, as if hungry for his ccs. Crane gazed up at them both, and then slowly lowered his hat over his eyes and turned on his heel, whistling nonchalantly. Kai grabbed him and pinned him to the ground. Crane’s tits were squished underneath him.
But he wasn’t down for the count, yet. With a grunt of effort, he managed to use his leg to flip Kai and his honkers and make a small break for a bit of fighting distance between them. Kai landed on his feet, his tits taking a moment to settle, and smirked at Crane with a snort.
“Your chi-chis are strong. Just like your friend’s, the bug,” Kai said, smirking as he pulled out a little green amulet in Mantis’ image…without his mosquito bites!
Crane gasped in horror. “Mantis!” He threw a grief-stricken glare Kai’s way, tits bristling, and lunged for him.
Kai smiled. Crane tried to attack, but then Kai’s cans started glowing green with the power of stolen ccs. Crane paused in a mixture of awe and horror- and then they blasted him- they were cannons! They jiggled.
Crane hit the wall and fell, then tried to rise to his feet again, gasping.
“Don’t worry Little Booby,” Kai said, “I’ll put your cc’s to good use…Destroying the Jug Palace and all the Bustless Bitches in it.”
A sinister smile spread across Kai's face. He made a slow approach, blades glowing green, ready to perform the mastectomy.
“No!” Crane cried, tiny chicken breasts trembling beneath his feathers in horror. He reached for a nearby weather-worn barrel with his talon and kicked it towards the towering monstrosity before him.
It broke against his massive mammaries, making them jiggle. Kai smirked. Crane tried to flee out the broken deck of the ship, but Kai’s chains followed, wrapping around him and pulling him back towards him. He glowed, prepared to absorb Crane’s ccs.
“Boobs of…REGRET!” Crane cried as he was pulled into the darkness. Kai laughed.
***
Meanwhile, at the Jug Palace, Shifu was going over several messages of extreme concern. Monkey arrived with another recent arrival clutched between his pecs. He pulled it out and handed it to his master. “It’s from the Eastern Province,” he said.
Shifu opened it. Tigress placed another one down near his feet- one he had already read, and she had only then reviewed. Viper slithered up, placing down a cup of tea for him. Shifu shook his head, his badonkers jiggling in grief.
“Master Lizard, Master Ox, Master Eagle…All of them, in every village from the sea to here…every jug master in China has vanished.”
“Maybe they are all at a party,” Monkey offered, trying to break the tension. Viper glared at him.
“Monkey!”
Monkey rubbed the back of his neck. “I didn’t get invited, either.”
“Kai has taken their chi-chis,” Master Shifu said. “We’re all that stands between him, and the modeling knowledge Master Boobway has left in our care,” he said, casting a glance over the Jug Palace. He got up, heading towards the Master Garden. Tigress, Monkey, and Viper followed.
“The villagers- evacuated?” He asked.
Tigress nodded. “Done, master.”
“Crane, Mantis?”
“Still nothing.”
Viper looked up. She gasped, eyes lighting up. “Wait-It’s them!”
Everyone turned to look- and then they saw the glowing green eyes staring back at them- and the disturbing lack of tits. Their gasps turned into those of horror.
“No!” Shifu cried.
Crane and Mantis landed in very carefully choreographed poses on either side of a path. A green light lit the sudden darkness, and tinged the sudden smoke from the smoke machine green as well. An absolute banger of a theme song started up. Kai walked out of the smoke, funbags jiggling with every step, mastectomy blades swinging in perfect synch. Shifu glared at him.
“Kai,” he said.
Kai ignored him. He was looking up at the Jug Palace and its decor with a critical eye.
“Nice,” he said, and then immediately changed his mind: “Very tacky.”
Shifu’s tits quivered with his rage and fear. “How dare you set foot on these grounds!”
“Look at you flat-chested fools,” Kai said, “groveling at the feet of Boobway and his Mega-Milkers.”
“You are not fit to speak of them,” Tigress growled.
Kai raised his brows. The chains wrapped around his arms as the blades swung around, and he caught their hilts in his palms. “I am not fit, Little Tits?” The action made his breasts jiggle, and he smirked.
Tigress actually growled. All four of them braced to attack.
Kai ignored them, pointing one of his blades at the statue’s massive cans.
“I modeled by his side,” he said, almost to himself, “I loved him, like a brother…and it turns out…His…Weren't even natural.”
Kai's blade shook in his grasp. There was a shuddering inhale, and Kai closed his eyes. An expression of deep betrayal and pain briefly crossed his face, before he inhaled again, banishing it as if it never was. He smiled, slowly beginning to swing his blades, building up momentum.
“Well…Now I will destroy everything, HE AND HIS IMPLANTS HAVE CREATED!”
Kai's expression once again melted into one of pure fury as he launched his attack. The four immediately dodged.
“Go!” Shifu cried, and they all launched themselves at Kai and his naughty funtime pillows of bouncy pillowy goodness. In a very booby way, I might add.
But no matter what they did, they were no match for Kai and his giant badonkers. His bubbalubbaloos deflected all of their attacks, his mastectomy blades swinging to and fro so that they were forced to dodge, and they could not land a hit; but then, Tigress activated a spark of her chi-chi’s, blasting Kai back.
“How’s that for little tits?” Tigress said.
Kai rose again, his eyes (and cans) gleaming. The Crane and Mantis jombies then sprang into action and joined the fight, keeping Viper, Monkey, and Tigress occupied. Shifu took the opportunity to fight Kai melons-to-melons.
“I will not let you destroy Boobway’s modeling career!”
“Why not?” Kai growled, “He destroyed mine!”
Monkey, meanwhile, caught the Mantis jombie between his peaks. “Mantis!” He cried, trying desperately to get through to his friend, “It’s me! Your breastie!”
But it didn’t work. Mantis grabbed him and started slamming him by his slammers. Then he threw him into Tigress and Viper, who were fighting the jombified Crane. Shifu meanwhile, leapt into the air over Kai, attempting a booba blast from above, but then his eye caught on something.
The amulet squished between Kai’s massive cans…
His eyes widened, the horrible realization dawning. Kai grinned at him and flung one of his blades at him. Shifu was hit with the flat end of it (because this has a certain rating, after all), and went flying, landing in the shadow of Boobway’s stone boobs. Tigress rushed to his side.
“Shifu!”
“Bring their busts to me,” Kai said, boobs jiggling threateningly. The jombified Mantis and Crane brought Viper and Monkey to Kai, and he absorbed their ccs, his tits bouncing even more boobily than before. He laughed.
Tigress braced herself to make another effort to attack, but Shifu grabbed her arm, stopping her.
“No, you must warn Po!”
“Master, please-”
But then Kai sent a cannon blast their way, sending them both flying because they couldn’t handle the amassed power of such huge mammaries. Kai wrapped his blades around the now unguarded statue.
“I will show you the true power of chi-chis, brother,” Kai said, and then with another booba blast knocked the statue down with his knockers. Shifu watched in horror as it went through the entire Jug Palace, and finally the legendary boobs broke off and landed at the end of the steps that led to the Jug palace.
“Boobway, please, forgive me,” Shifu whispered to himself, bowing his head in grief. Kai, who was approaching very boobily in a very very gloaty sort of breasty way with boobs that smile, chuckled. He squeezed the amulet between his knockers.
“Hmm, what do you say, Boobway, do you forgive him?” Kai said mockingly. He laughed again. Shifu turned to glare at him. He struggled to lift himself from the ground, and only just barely managed it. His naturals boobed weakly, but his glare was strong.
“You may have destroyed the Jug palace,” he coughed, “but you will never succeed. There will always…be someone with bigger jugs…to stop you!”
“Who?” Kai chuckled, cans bouncing in amusement, “the panda? His chi-chis are strong, but…it won’t be enough.”
He grinned. Then he leaned in, squeezing Boobway’s amulet tighter. “...He and his tits will meet the same fate as you,” he said, low, almost a hiss.
“No,” Shifu coughed, and tried again to get up. Kai began to absorb his ccs.
“And so will every pair of jubbaloos in that village,” he said, and then took his ccs.
Unbeknownst to him, Tigress had watched the whole thing. She gasped in fear. She found the exposition scroll on the ground and picked it up.
“Po, I hope you’re ready,” she whispered, clutching it between her peaks and running away.
***
“It took me 500 years to take Boobway's chi-chis,” Kai said. “I will have yours if it takes me 500 more!”
“Chitty-chitty-chat-chat,” Po mocked, boobs jiggling mockingly, “Chit. chat.”
Kai growled and launched himself at him, preparing to absorb his ccs- but this is what Po had wanted.
“You want my chi-chis so bad?” Po asked, “Then take them!”
He then motioned, and all of the ccs the panda village and all of his friends and family had donated began to flood into Kai’s boobas instead. Kai froze at first, confused, but then he began to grin.
“YES!” Kai roared, drunk on the ccs coursing through him, “THE POWER! IT'S MINE!”
But then he realized something was wrong. It was too much! The amulets started popping off of him, blasting away because of the sheer size of his honkers.
“Wait..NO! It’s too much! IT’S TOO MUCH! NOOOO!”
And Kai learned the hard way that sometimes less is more. He went splody, returning all the stolen ccs to all of the jug masters, including Boobway. He and Po floated together in the Slammer’s Realm, blah blah blah boobs and talking and more boobs.
Now this:
“And my true successor.” Boobway held out his triple cc implants.
“Wh-Wha-No, I-I can’t take those,” Po stuttered.
“Take them,” Boobway said, pressing them gently into the panda’s paws. “I have bigger ones.”
And that’s it because I don’t feel like putting more effort into an April Fool’s day joke.
A ─ After care. Do they take care of each other after sex ? How ?
No. I think Klaus perhaps made some sort of attempt once or twice, but after a few rejections didn't bother. This was usually some small efforts at pillow talk, or trying to help Colin clean up, etc.- But as he was "the enemy" at the time, Colin wouldn't have it- he already failed at the self-restraint a knight is supposed to have by bedding him; however, after Klaus' redemption, things changed between them. I think it was Colin who started to initiate that, after, and soon Klaus warmed up to the effort again.
D ─ Dreams. A wet dream my muse has had about yours, and whether they’d want to make it come true.
Colin would never admit it to anyone- not even himself- but he has spent a few nights alone during his and Klaus' separation, stroking himself to the thought of seeing him again, scooping him up in his arms, taking him away somewhere, where they might be alone- perhaps a secretive grove or a courtyard in the queen's palace, or a dark back alley- speaking secret words of love to each other...and then maybe they might have a kiss, one that grows more heated with their words, clothes begin to slip off, maybe...(yes it is the equivalent of those old medieval romance fantasies and Colin is well aware, but it is his guilty pleasure, and few only pleasures).
E ─ Experimenting. Are they willing to experiment new things ? Is there something they’d like to try with their partner, but haven’t had the chance yet ? Any experiments gone wrong ?
Klaus wouldn't mind trying some things with Colin (the whole point of his 'art' is experimentation, after all, in plenty of points- can't grow and maintain a plant's health without trying a few things),- things involving cop/criminal roleplay, handcuffs, etc.- but Colin isn't up for it. He's a very vanilla sort of guy, and honestly probably already suffers too much of a complex from laying with Klaus to begin with- doesn't need to add 'pervert' to the list of things already wrong with him. (Not that any of that is perverted, it's just how Colin sees it- ye olde England blah blah blah).
F ─ First time. How was their first time together ? Was any of them nervous ? Did it live up to their expectations ?
For Klaus the first time was great, though he didn't go into it with any sort of expectations- for Colin, it started great, and then the post-nut clarity hit...and the guilt set in, and it set in hard. Overall, besides that one part, for them both it was good, it was just unexpected (let me put it this way: interrogation gone wrong/right).
H ─ Humour. Are they the kind to share a laugh during sex ? Has something funny already happened to them ( breaking the bed, one of them falling off the couch, funny noises, etc… ) ?
No. Colin gets way too serious about it, usually to the point of creating a 'fantasy' around the act, so he gets so deeply entrenched in that that any sort of interruption would ruin it for him. Klaus is actually pretty similar, so he'll hold off on his giggles as best he can if something does happen, because Colin suddenly gets 10x as hot when he's "in the zone".
K ─ Kissing. How important are kisses in their relationship ? Any favourite kind of kisses ? Do they have any rituals involving kissing ( never leaving for work without kissing the other, always sharing a kiss goodnight, etc… ) ?
No- or at least, not at first. Klaus isn't much for it; Colin, however, is absolutely a hopeless romantic, so kisses are extremely important to him- but at first his and Klaus' separate positions made it impossible to express any sort of affection- afterwards, though, Colin is basically always kissing Klaus- usually giving him little pecks on his hands, surprising him with one on his cheek, stealing a kiss from him while he's working in the garden, etc- Colin is a very romantic, very mushy lover.
N ─ Nudes. Do they send them to each other ? Do they save them on their phones ? Do they keep them to themselves, or do they show them to their friends ? Have they ever sent one to a wrong number ?
Modern AU- and no, neither of them are the types to do that. Both are too shy to attempt, and way too scared of accidentally sending such things to the wrong person.
P ─ Public. Have they ever done it in public ? Were they caught ? Do they have a favourite public place to do it ?
No- unless you count doing it near Veruca, when she was sleeping- but that was more of a spur of the moment thing, and not something either of them want to repeat. They both prefer a private place to do that sort of thing.
W ─ Walk of shame. Has one of them ( or both ) ever done a walk of shame ( trying to leave the place the other shared with roommates/family members unnoticed but being caught ) ? How was it ? What were the reactions ?
Yes. In front of Veruca, during their brief period of being captured by him. Veruca knew immediately what had happened: neither of them would make eye contact, wouldn't speak as often, and Klaus kept lowering his head when she so much as glanced in his diretion- she knew. She honestly thought it was hilarious.
Z ─ Zones. What are their most erogenous zones ? Does their partner know all of them ? Do they make sure to stimulate each other in said zones ?
Colin's are on the back of his neck, shoulders, and his chest. Also just...everything around his groin. Very sensitive, it's not hard to turn him on. Klaus has his zones on his lower back, thighs (inner and outer, just start rubbing his thighs and he melts), and his tail. They didn't know each other's zones at first- what little they stumbled across during their brief time together at first was an accident- but after their redemption, they really took the time to 'get to know each other'. Now they can turn each other on expertly, and really work those sensitive areas.
Brief Description: Melanistic Asian water monitor. Usually wears a black fu and matching pants, carries a black metal staff as a weapon. Her eyes are black save for a ring of gold around the vertical pupil- also a spirit warrior.
Switch- depends on her mood and partner.
When she feels like being a dom, she’ll prefer her partner to be a pillow princess- just letting her do all the work, letting her spoil them- but never letting them touch her.
She prefers big men- she's a size queen, and enjoys the challenge of taking them on.
Loves big tummies, too- she's really into muscle guts.
Really likes to give oral. She's a water monitor, so no gag reflex and a long, flexible neck- she's really good at giving blowjobs.
Loves to ride her partner.
Also a bit of a masochist. She wouldn’t mind being slapped, spanked, bitten, whipped, burned, etc.- However, this is hard for her to outright admit to, and a source of mild embarrassment when she wants to bring it up; however, she could never do these things to anyone else- doesn't have a sadistic bone in her body, and tries to be very careful with her claws.
Also loves bondage. She doesn't mind being bound up or doing the binding.
Daiyu has to actually love someone to have sex with them. The only people she's ever slept with were people she was already in love with/in a relationship with.
She’s also pretty big on aftercare. She wants cuddles after.
Even when in a dom mood, she’s gentle on her partners. Sure, she might ride fast and hard, hold her partner down, maybe claws might accidentally prick the skin here and there- but she’s always cleaning the little nicks she caused, massaging her partner’s most sensitive places, cooing sweet nothings or encouragement in their ear, etc.
Would love to peg her partner.
Usually initiates. She’s mega horny at almost all times. Really loves sex.
Prefers mammal partners. She really likes how warm they are.
Probably wouldn’t mind some temperature play.
Daiyu has some major erogenous zones on the base of her tail-especially right under it- and her tongue and the inside of her mouth.
Usually really quiet in bed. She doesn't like to moan or make a lot of noise- but if her partner wants her to, she’ll oblige.
Wants to be squished. She really likes being crushed and smushed by a big dude.
Her O-face looks like she’s in immense pain- she doesn’t mean to do it, it just happens, and sometimes scares her partners.
Also doesn't mind being folded any sort of way during the act. She's very flexible.
A ─ After care. Do they take care of each other after sex ? How ?
Yes. Usually it depends on their situation at the time, but it usually involves a bath afterwards, or just cleaning up however they can- with a rag, tongue, etc.; Kai will also tuck Po in, and usually spends the rest of the night just laying with him.
D ─ Dreams. A wet dream my muse has had about yours, and whether they’d want to make it come true.
Kai doesn't sleep anymore- but Po has had a few wet dreams that surprised himself, though. Despite how vanilla he usually is, this dream involved that first time Kai used his chains on Po- save it took a much...well, spicier turn. When Po woke up, his sheets wet, and Kai sitting next to him, smirking, well...It was a bit of an awkward, embarrassing moment for Po. However, Kai was eager to hear all the details- and of course, to see if he could make that dream come true.
E ─ Experimenting. Are they willing to experiment new things ? Is there something they’d like to try with their partner, but haven’t had the chance yet ? Any experiments gone wrong ?
Po is really vanilla (to Kai's chagrin) but slowly starting to open up to new things. There are plenty of things Kai wants to try with Po, from orgasm denial to knife play- but again, they're still working towards Po being comfortable with that. So far none of their few experiments have gone wrong- bandage, toys, etc. have all been good.
F ─ First time. How was their first time together ? Was any of them nervous ? Did it live up to their expectations ?
Po was extremely nervous. Kai wasn't. It actually didn't go too well- mostly because Kai was too rough, and sort of forgot to consult Po to see if he would be alright with that, first- however, they did have a conversation after, and the next time they tried it, it was better.
H ─ Humour. Are they the kind to share a laugh during sex ? Has something funny already happened to them ( breaking the bed, one of them falling off the couch, funny noises, etc… ) ?
Kai doesn't want humor during the act, no- Po is much more easy going with it, and honestly sometimes ends up killing the mood Kai is trying to set because he won't take it seriously; but they both end up laughing, though, and having a good time regardless. There was a time when they broke a bed- and that had them both in hysterics.
K ─ Kissing. How important are kisses in their relationship ? Any favourite kind of kisses ? Do they have any rituals involving kissing ( never leaving for work without kissing the other, always sharing a kiss goodnight, etc… ) ?
Kai only kisses during the act, and then it's just a lustful tongue kiss- any other time is a no for him. Po wants more casual kisses- like little pecks throughout the day, on the cheek or on the lips, and will sometimes try to get Kai to kiss him. For example: "Hey, I have a sparring match with Tigress. Wish me luck?" And then points to his lips. Kai doesn't buy it, but he will give in on occasion, if there's no one around to see and Po presses him enough.
N ─ Nudes. Do they send them to each other ? Do they save them on their phones ? Do they keep them to themselves, or do they show them to their friends ? Have they ever sent one to a wrong number ?
Again, this only applies to a modern AU: and Kai is the only one sending nudes. He sometimes tries to prompt Po to send some in return, but Po's not yet comfortable with that (which is something else they're both trying to slowly open up to in terms of experimenting). Kai will also send them at the worst possible times- it's like he has a sixth sense for the thing, for example: Po trying to show his friends some meme on his phone, something innocent- and then BAM!- Notification and Kai's dick. It's gotten him into so many awkward, uncomfortable conversations. Kai has accidentally sent them to group chats and to random numbers, and then he's nonchalant about it- "Oh. My bad. Forward that for me, will you?"
P ─ Public. Have they ever done it in public ? Were they caught ? Do they have a favourite public place to do it ?
No. Kai wouldn't mind trying something in the Jade Palace, but Po isn't into that.
W ─ Walk of shame. Has one of them ( or both ) ever done a walk of shame ( trying to leave the place the other shared with roommates/family members unnoticed but being caught ) ? How was it ? What were the reactions ?
Po has done it at least once, and this incident caused him to ensure it would never happen again; they had just finished doing it at Mr. Ping's place in Po's former bedroom, and then Po walked out past his dads, trying to be casual, trying not to make eye contact, he was so ashamed- and then, just as he was saying "bye dads"- Kai comes swaggering out, sits down at the table with Li and Ping, takes a big swig of directly out of the teapot, and then, into the tense silence that awaited: "...Your son calls me 'daddy', too."
I'll let you imagine the explosion afterwards.
Z ─ Zones. What are their most erogenous zones ? Does their partner know all of them ? Do they make sure to stimulate each other in said zones ?
Kai's are definitely his chest and lower belly. Po's are around his hips/buttocks, his belly if touched a certain way, and his lower back, besides the more obvious ones. Po doesn't know all of Kai's yet, but Kai caught on and learned all of Po's pretty quickly. Kai always goes for these areas first and foremost, usually for an "advantage" in the bedroom. Po is still trying to learn Kai's to even things out.
