𝐫𝐚𝐝𝐢𝐨 /* 𝕡𝕚𝕣𝕒𝕥𝕖

[leodesai]

gibson.

Dry streaks of tears were on Arthur’s face, barely able to comprehend what had happened with Juliet and Liza and the fishing vessel, before Leo called. There was something there, a poised Sleeping Beauty’s awake with his grin, but frankly, Arthur really didn’t have the strength to say anything. Not after all of it. “Night after next, Leo,” he replies, the small smile on his face looking hollower than he felt. “Had to help Jules out, and you and Geo had it locked down; you really didn’t need me to keep the party going.”

“fuck.” was all he could offer, scrubbing a hand over his face wearily as his body reluctantly adjusted out of the comfort of sleep. “party’s always better when you’re there - what’d jules need you for?” he asked idly, as an excuse to talk and keep his eyes shut more than anything, but by the time leo squinted them open and noticed the look on artie’s face, the question was forgotten and he propped himself up on his elbow. “what’s wrong, art? you look like you’ve seen a ghost... i don’t look so terrible do it?” he attempted a joked, but suspected the time was past for one.

[leodesai]

leo had been utterly legless by the time he’d gotten back to the ship and been dumped into his bed by whichever kind soul had babysat him on the way home from the mainland. “oi sunshine. c’mere a sec.” he called, voice low and raspy, as he saw the shape of artie passing his door that he’d obviously forgotten to close last night. “what time’s it?” leo managed, flopping back down on his pillow and rolling his eyes back into his head. “and where’d you go last night at the party? was lookin’ for y’.”  — @radiosunshine​

[leodesai]

gibson.

Artie brightened a bit at that, the little piece of affirmation that Leo had managed to give himself; at least between them, they could be honest now. He missed this. At least he could tell himself that now, without any hesitation left. “And here I thought we were having a moment.” He laughs, a small one, trying to break up whatever emotion was left in his chest. “It was, though. But now I have to deal with you upstaging me in the charts show, so I think I got the short end of the stick here.” He put down the beer and gives him a look, warm and radiant as the day. “I think—I think I need to head back. Sleep off the booze. I’m going to be late tomorrow otherwise.”

“i was talking about before. when we were... well, us.” leo chuckled, quietly amused by the wires crossing. “but you’re right, there’s not much use in sitting here and getting wet-eyed about what used to be.” what’s done was done, even if there were nights all leo’s dreams were about the cozy flat above the bar and the smell of artie burning breakfast in the next room. “i’m always the main event, sunshine. you know that.” he answered in his usual slow drawl, a teasing smile curving his lips. “sleep well. you can blame me for your headache in the morning.” 

[leodesai]

gibson.

It would have been Leo’s fatal flaw, perhaps, that he would never believe Artie, even after all of the things that he’d said and done that were supposed to make him think otherwise. He regrets even talking about whatever they were, an admittedly dumb move on his part, but the least that he could do was assuage his fears, leaving him less hurt and anxiety over what he’d done. He took a swig and bridged the gap, holding Leo’s hand and running his thumb over Leo’s knuckles. “I didn’t waste it, Leo.” It was gentle, decisive, a punctuation on whatever hurt between the both of them. “Not on you. You’d be daft in the head if you thought so. Happiness outweighing the heartbreak and all.”

it was such a familiar gesture. one so choreographed and practiced over months of intimacy, but one that made leo’s heart beat in double time after so long without it. he let artie’s thumb traverse his knuckles a few times before gently moving his hand to intertwine their fingers. “it was good while it lasted, huh?” leo smiled, his eyes a little bright with confirmation. “i was daft enough in the head to run out on you, and then act like nothing happened between us all this time. i think i’m capable of that.” he answered with a self-effacing chuckle. 

[leodesai]

gibson.

Artie looks at him, finally, and searches his eyes, trying to figure out the joke this time. When there isn’t one, when Leo rationalizes leaving, the weight in his chest feels more than he could bear. It’s not tears, that spills from him, but words. Because what good was Artie without them? “Oh Leo,” he tells him, a sad smile forming on his face. “I don’t think you really saw it yourself, but I didn’t waste anything on you when we were—well, us. Not really. Not even after you left.” He drinks again, allowing whatever was in his mind to come forth. “Not even now.”

leo knew artie well enough to feel him waiting for a punchline every time he opened his mouth. there were no jokes to cushion his blows to arties heart, and there was no shield for the way vulnerability made him feel ripped open and raw. “you didn’t waste it because you never really gave it, or because it wasn’t wasted?” he asked, with a quiet little chuckle that spoke volumes to the insecurity that permeated every aspect of leo’s life without his permission. at the end of the day, he always ended up alone, usually through his own acts of sabotage. he medicates his anxiety at the answer by grabbing another bottle of beer from the stash, and opening it with decisively slow actions.

[leodesai]

gibson.

Sunshine. It almost felt great, like he could just put an arm around Leo and it would have been better for everyone—they’d forget about it in the morning, and he’d bring him a shot of tequila for his troubles. But now, even with the haze of drink, Artie feels the distance between them, miles and miles of emotion that Leo’d put up for Artie. For himself. “You could have. I would have tried, you know. To fix our happiness. Whatever happened.” He smiles back at him, humorless, sad, barely able to contain the feeling to his chest. “I did—” He was a coward, it seems, afraid to say it after all this time. “I did think you were worth it, you know.”

there were still nights where leo kicked himself for leaving such a shining soul as artie wyatt. it seemed like bliss, waking up next to ink black curls and bright eyes for so many mornings, and spending his days listening to the posh, rounded way humor spilled from those lips. “i’m not a forever person, artie. you’d have been wasting your time on me.” leo said self-consciously. “you should know that i never would have ended things so abruptly if i’d known we’d end up in such close proximity again. i was trying to rip the band-aid off quickly, so to speak. leave you to your life without waiting around for it to hurt... though obviously that backfired.” 

[leodesai]

gibson.

Logic was the enemy here, because Leo spelling out why they didn’t stay in the pleasant idyll of secrecy wasn’t really doing wonders for his mood. Not the boat going under, not this revelation long overdue and not the fact that he feels his face throb with heat. Or embarrassment. “I—yeah,” he replies dejectedly, pointedly looking at the floor. He doesn’t have a joke for this, not even a smile. This wasn’t funny. “Maybe. Stupid idea, I guess.”

“unrealistic idea, sunshine. not a stupid one.” he said resolutely, employing the old nickname he’d had for his lover to soften what had clearly been a harder blow than he’d intended. it was easy to forget, when he didn’t let himself feel deeply about much, that his words could sting. “if i could have stayed in the little apartment above your bar with your dimples and your jokes and your old record player, i would have.” a stilted smile came to his lips. “but i get claustrophobic the longer i stick around, it makes me cold, i start to panic. i’d have shattered our happiness either way.” 

[leodesai]

gibson.

In the back of his mind, Artie thought the opposite. It really was stupid, but he thought that if he kept it up, maybe Leo would have stayed in the apartment above the bar, content with the trappings of the life that he’d scrounged up. Maybe he was just a romantic, or an idiot. Maybe both. He didn’t like to think about being both. “Oh. We weren’t?.” It was all he could offer, draining the rest of the bottle and looking at it like it had answers to why. “We weren’t.” He grabbed another bottle and drank. This night was horrible.

the cadences of uncertainty in the question made leo’s eyebrow arch upward in surprise. he had never considered that artie might have thought what they had was permanent, because he himself had never considered anything truly permanent. even the boat was merely a drop on the map, temporary and running out of time. “trust me artie, it was better to end it while things were good.” he took another long scull of his beer. “what were you imagining? that we’d just get away with sneaking around together forever?” 

[leodesai]

gibson.

Artie didn’t say anything. Odd for him, when he had a quip or a comeback or a cheery adage up his sleeve at all times, but he just drank his beer and polished off at least half of it. The thought of losing the boat and losing the sponsors and losing in general always set Artie’s teeth on edge; it was one thing to run away, but another to get left behind. “Yeah. An age—long time ago and all that.” A pause. A swig. A face like a wounded puppy. “Why’d you go, Leo? Doesn’t matter now, anyway. Just making—” Another swig. “Con-ver-sation.”

“you wanna talk about that? s’ppose now’s as good a time as any...” that expression on artie’s face tugged at leo’s heartstrings, reminding him of the way he used to look when he had to leave the comfort of artie’s apartment early for work, or when other people said things that hurt him. the nervous energy radiating off him unsettled leo, knowing it was caused by actions he was in denial about. “it’s just what i do. never stick around for long, gotta keep moving. it wasn’t personal, artie, you know that.” his voice retained his usual slow surety, the smug lethargy that kept him from ever seeming as though he cared much at all. “we were never destined to be forever, right?”

[kimkardashianscryface]

[leodesai]

fender.

Just a cup of tea.  That’s a relief, and not a bad idea either.  “A cuppa sounds nice.  Mind if I join you?”  Maggie didn’t wait for a response, instinctively reaching to grab the kettle on the stove top and fill it.  His next comment earned a short laugh, the water sloshing a bit at the sudden motion.  “Why thank you, Leo.  Just what every woman wants to hear.”  It was a soft tease, though, delivered as she shut off the spigot; she’d noted his own bedhead when he’d walked in.  “Could you grab a couple mugs?”  That cupboard was always a bit of a reach for her.

“I did, actually.  Stayed up just to listen.”  Maggie chuckled before admitting,  “I can’t believe I actually said all of that.”  It was one kind of weird to hear yourself on the other side of the airways, but to hear herself say things so out of character–that was truly wild.  Not in a bad way, though, and the response she’d gotten… “It was fun.”

“don’t see why not.” he said, taking a cigarette tucked behind his ear and lighting it deftly while maggie dealt with the kettle. leo exhaled the smoke away from her and did as he was asked, fetching two mugs from the shelf that on inspection did look a little out of her reach. he set them down with his usual lack of haste, before leaning on the bench idly and making no effort to help further.

“neither can i, honestly. i thought i’d drawn the short straw being paired up with you.” she was such a small, quiet, unassuming figure on board, one you could blink and miss sometimes, if you weren’t up late enough to see her in her element. “i wanted the kitchen with geo - was gonna piss in the kettle and everything.” he chuckled in his lethargic drawl. “but you really showed up. those ads were hilarious, and i’d have killed to see looks on silver linings’ faces when they played. i’m still laughin’ about ‘the only station so square even our records have corners.’”

[leodesai]

gibson.

“Sorry that I used up the half of gin for me and St. John—seemed like a good idea at the time.” Artie laughs, rubbing the back of his neck. “You know, you never had to pay me back, Leo. You were—” God, what was he to Artie back then? No, not yet. Not until he drank. “Well, I liked you. You liked me. Couldn’t have you scared off because of the prices.”

“gin makes me cry anyway.” he snickered, though his expression grew a little less mischievous as he watched artie feel around for the right words to use. clearly the beer had gone to his head, because this was a serious deviation from their usual scheduled programming that was pretending that their little fling while artie had been at university had never happened. “i like you, you liked me.” leo echoed absently, draining an impressive amount from his beer bottle before speaking again. “seems like an age ago now, huh?”

[leodesai]

gibson.

@leodesai​

“Some days, I wish I was back in the bar, you know. Too bad I don’t have anything left to pawn; not even the sign.”

“i wish you were back at the bar too. i’m sick of paying for drinks, and worse, carting them all the way back here.” leo said wryly, placing a second bottle of beer on the table in front of artie which had come from the secret stash in leo’s room. “i guess now’s as good a time as any to start paying you back for all those, huh?”

[leodesai]

stafford.

       geo shakes his head and laughs,      looking at the flask that leo had at the ready. it was almost too much, but he appreciated it.   ‘   never stopped us before,   ’   he replies, a bit of a smile coming to him. it was all too easy for him to make an attempt to ignore the feeling that all of this brought on.   ‘   god,   ’   he mutters, not wanting to think of the sunny disposition of artie popping in the door to call him rockstar. that was never something he loved on a good day,   ‘   alright, yeah, hand it over,   ’

leo waited while the cogs of decision turned in his friend’s head. he made no secret of the fact that he cared very little for the rules and standards of the station, and if anyone on board was going to carry hard liquor on him, it was leo desai. “he’s not so bad, you know. if you give him a chance.” he was a realistic soul, if nothing else, and understood that that probably wouldn’t happen so long as artie kept up his inane nicknames and geo refused to level his thundercloud disposition with artie’s incessant sunshine. “although i suspect you two getting on would ruin the dynamic of this charts show so i should shut up just in case.” 

[leodesai]

fender.

She’s tired.  She’d stayed up late to hear how the DJ’s at Silver Linings Radio reacted to the ads, to hear evidence she’d actually said those things and that it hadn’t just been some fever dream, and then later after the news hit.  She hadn’t done much or said much, but it was hard to go to bed after that.  Now, sometime after sunset, she’s in the kitchen, looking for normalcy, but coming up blank.

“Oh, evening, Leo,” turning at the sound of footsteps, Maggie offers a tired smile, last night’s escapades far from her mind.  “Any requests?”  Suggestions would be more than welcome right now, but a small, cynical part of her also notes that maybe if she makes what he’d planned on, there’ll be less mess after.

leo had never really gotten on all that well with maggie before the little jaunt out to silver linings - they operated seperate schedules, and he suspected she was one of the crew members who had their gears ground by the lackadaisical approach he took to life. he had never been a team player, and he expected the culprit for the fact the toast crumbs and dirty mugs he left on the communal bench were gone when he woke up the next morning was standing right in front of him now. 

he was tired too, mostly because he’d stayed up drinking with some of the others instead of going to bed at a reasonable hour and had woken up just in time to rush to the booth and do his show. “huh? oh, i was just gonna grab a cup of tea or something.” he shrugged. “you look smashed, no offence.” he chuckled, running a hand through his messy dark hair, aware of the irony seeing as he did too. “did you hear our little masterpieces go to air, or were you snoozing?”

[leodesai]

stafford.

        old habits and all that …       he looks to leo as they settle into the booth for the chart show, right after the news was broken.   ‘   i can’t tell if this is the worst or the best time for a drink.   ’                @leodesai​

leo preffered the chart show to being on his own, and he looked forward to sitting down with geo and artie once a week. the news had certainly put a damper on things, but leo wouldn’t let that ruin the show. “probably both.” he smirked, though the chuckle that escaped him was black. a flask of rum was pulled out of his jacket pocket - they were pirates, after all. “i vote the latter though. might help you tolerate artie too, so it’s a win win.”

[leodesai]

montclair.

“well you might just end up seeing it. and i’m sure it’ll be an awkward and slow affair,” she sighed, picturing herself hugging a grown man from behind and dragging his drunken body across the deck, “i’m looking forward to certain aspects. i just think fifty people is a lot. and it sure seems like an attempt for the more popular djs to get their egos stroked.” 

“if i do, i’ll lend a hand. but only after watching for a bit.” he cracked her a warm smile. they were not exactly matched in temperament, and leo suspected he was more of a nuisance to jules than anything, but he hoped his humour might rub off on her one of these days. “oh, come on jules. fifty is hardly a party. and surely there’ll be someone on that boat who’s a devoted early riser. your ego needs little loving too.”