live boldly

“ Be yourself, don’t take anything from anyone, and never let them take you alive.” - Gerard Way

[hanjisuung]

keiynanlonsdale: 📷 @thomkerr

[leopard-jasper]

sashahartashby‌:

Sasha doesn’t believe happy tears are warranted unless they actually win the Championships, but she doubts they stand a chance, so he might as well get those in before their luck evidently reaches an end. She’s never been the type to cry from happiness, just over her sister’s gravestone for everyone to see apparently. Maybe that means she’s never been happy enough for that kind of response, which is a dark thought but an unsurprising one. She stays silent as she opens her purse and digs around for a makeup wipe before handing it to Jasper. “For the tear tracks,” She explains. “If you’re going to a club with the On the Line cast, you’ll want to look good, right?” 

She’s not good at comforting people, but this she can do–help someone look more presentable to the public. Sasha learned to smile for a camera before she even understood who was going to see the pictures. Irina taught her media skills, not empathy, which is probably one of the few things she doesn’t hold against her mother. 

Sasha touches the cigarette behind her ear in surprise, forgetting she put it there. Coming outside for a smoke was just an excuse to have a moment to herself, but that plan was derailed when she ran into Jasper. “I didn’t ask for permission,” She replies automatically before taking the cigarette and lighting. She’s not so inconsiderate that she blows smoke in innocent bystander’s faces, but she also doesn’t seek approval for it either. “If you don’t like it, you can go inside,” She shrugs. 

As with most Foxes, Jasper had a suspicion that perhaps underneath all the bitterness and anger and trauma, there was a kind person in Sasha. Someone a little softer than she wanted to let on, least of all to a stranger like Jasper. But the way she handed him a wipe told him everything he wanted to know, and he took it gratefully.

“You’re kind. Thank you,” he murmured as he wiped his face with a heavy sigh, before balling up the wipe in his hand. He should’ve expected the sharp rebuke, but instead of stinging, it simply made him chuckle with a vague sense of amusement; not mocking, no never mocking, but in a way pleased. Sometimes Jasper wonders what he would be like if he had half the fire and self confidence that Sasha at least appears to have. 

“Nah. It’s quiet out here,” he replied, looking out towards the parking lot. The silence stretched, until Jasper glanced over at Sasha. “We miss you on the Court, you know. I just thought I’d let you know,” he said, quietly, not wanting Sasha to get the wrong idea, even though he was sure even mentioning subtly about Sasha being benched probably wasn’t a smart idea.

[leopard-jasper]

mckennamonroe‌:

         Kindness was something that she felt many of the Foxes hadn’t seen in their life—sure there were probably some people that were kind to them over the years, and a lot of them owed Wymack a lot—but most of them probably severely lacked someone who was just kind to them. McKenna had always been taught to be nice to people. Now she thought other people’s emotions were far more important than her own. She was one of those people that put her friends way above herself and spent most of her time making sure other people were alright before she was okay. She knew that wasn’t always the healthiest way to conduct her life, that’s just how she was raised. She felt it was important to make sure that other people were alright too—especially people like the Foxes and Vixens.

         “Thank you,” she smiled softly. McKenna didn’t think she should be praised for being a decent person. “Oh, oh no. I’m sure the rest of them are going to the after party. And I can just text someone later about that or not go depending on how I feel. Besides, ice cream seems like a much better ordeal. I’ll bet there’s some really cool places around here for ice cream.” McKenna grinned at Jasper. She thought hanging out with him and making another friends would be a far better thing to do than party with a bunch of people in a club she’d never go to again. “I mean if you want to be on your own, then that’s fine, however, I am totally up for a Los Angeles adventure. How often are we gonna be here?”

Jasper acknowledged McKenna’s point with a dip of his head. “That’s fair. Well then, I say we explore a little. I hope there’s a late night ice-cream place that isn’t UDF, but I won’t complain if that’s all we can find,” he said with a little smile, before he fell in step beside her. He stared down at their shoes for a moment, feeling slightly awkward. He didn’t usually talk to new people for much longer than a couple minutes at a first meeting, but that was something he was trying to get better at. 

“How did half-time go? I always feel bad that we’re in the locker rooms while you guys are performing. You work hard to get your shows down and then we don’t even get to cheer you on, even though that's what you guys do for us,” Jasper said, kicking a little pebble as they walked along, his hands stuffed deep in his sweatpants pockets. “I bet it always looks super cool.”

[leopard-jasper]

reidmarley‌:

hearing jasper, marley doesn’t quite believe what he says but she doesn’t say that allowed. instead, she let him speak, nodding her head in acknowledgement. “ i know what that’s like. ” and she did. she missed her sister. sometimes, she even missed her mother. but the ache would settle in her stomach and in her bones, leaving her with a longing that she could never quite soothe. “ it’s hard. ” there wasn’t much more she could add without thinking like she’d sound condescending. surely, if jasper was missing someone, then he knew what that entailed. there was no need to explain it. it would do any good. 

“ but flowers – that i have a lot to say on. ” quick as it can, a smile spread across her face. it was her own personal favorite distraction. her room in the dormitory was filled with flowers in vases. they were bright and fragrant and beautiful. her favorite to have were sunflowers. they were big and vibrant and they made her smile. “ an english rose breeder spent nearly three million dollars trying to breed the most beautiful rose he could. he called it the juliet rose. it’s beautiful – and then, did you know flowers can be used to send messages ? it was big in the victorian ages, and you could say so much. right now, i’d give you a cactus, if i was into sending messages with flowers, which while it would be amazing, slightly out of my budget. anyways. back to the cactus. it means endurance. ”

Marley takes what he says at face value, and he appreciates her for it. His expression softens as she commiserates, and he nods his head. “Yeah. It is,” he murmurs softly, and though he was ready to listen to her continue and take the heat off of him, he couldn’t help but be slightly relieved that she changed gears completely and moved onto flowers. 

Jasper definitely believes that there was a flower beautiful enough to cost that much. While Jasper usually had his eyes towards the skies, he could appreciate what the earth had to offer as well. He wasn’t sure if he had a favorite flower like he had a favorite bird, but seeing Marley’s face light up made him think about maybe looking into it.

He was slightly taken aback when she mentioned gifting him a flower with a meaning. “A cactus, hm?” he asked softly, looking at the ground and huffing out a soft breath. Endurance. Is that what she saw as she looked at him, crying outside the Court? Jasper wasn’t sure if he believed her, but it still made him smile a little bit. “That’s kind of you to say. I think if I were to send one to you, it would have to mean sweet. Or maybe one about empathy. What would that be?” he asked. 

[leopard-jasper]

reidmarley‌:

Marley might be quiet. She might not always say what she’s thinking, but when she spotted Jasper, she felt her heart jump into her throat. Letting the door close behind her, she was quiet for a minute, looking at him before nodding her head in agreement. “What a game,” she echoed. “Really a part of me can’t believe we won. It’s exciting and thrilling, and I really am happy for everyone.” She was still staring at Jasper, though, concern written across her features. “I came out here for a breath of fresh air, too.”

Really, she did. It wasn’t a ploy to stay out there. In the rush of the win, the pulse of excitement that surged through the locker room, she had to get away. She wanted to feel it, like everyone else, but it was too much. She had spent so long stifling happiness and staying neutral that it was hard to enjoy herself. She wished she could and she was trying (she told Betsy she was, at least) but sometimes it was all too much anyway

Her own urge to take a deep breath and just relax, though, had disappeared at the sight of Jasper. There were tears and the tone of his voice – she recognized it. She had experienced before in her sister, in herself. What she knew most of all was that she couldn’t stand when others felt bad. It didn’t matter why. She just had to try and comfort. 

Finally, she bit the bullet. “Is everything alright?” She wanted to reach a hand out, to put it on his arm and be soothing. She didn’t, though, unsure of whether he’d be alright with it. There were few things Marley thought she was good at, but caring certainly was one of them. “You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to,” she started, glancing around. No one else was nearby. “But if you do, I can listen. I’m told I do that pretty well.” She ducked her head, hiding a soft laugh at herself. “Or I can talk about something else completely. Distract you, if that’s what you want. I’m told I know too many facts about flowers if that’s something you’re willing to subject yourself to suffer through..” The corners of her lips had turned up into a gentle smile and once again she laughed.

Marley’s voice was quiet and soothing, such at odds with her intensity on the court and during practice. But Jasper found that he didn’t mind it. In fact, there was something about the tone of her voice that had his throat closing. The kindness there was too sweet, and he felt almost as if he didn’t deserve it. Didn’t deserve it at all.

He smiled at her weakly, chuckling a little. “‘S not really a big deal,” he said, rubbing at his eyes. “I’m just missing someone right now, that’s all,” he said quietly. There was no way he could explain the complex swirl of emotions he was feeling without going into Derek and what he had done and how he had left Jasper like this. So he would leave it at that, plain and simple, even if the truth was neither of those things. 

“But, I won’t pass on those flower facts, either,” he said, aiming for relaxed and humorous and feeling like he landed somewhere just short of it. 

[leopard-jasper]

mckennamonroe‌:

         Some of the Foxes and Vixens were much quieter about what they’d been through. They didn’t talk about what brought them to Palmetto and this team. McKenna wasn’t the type of person to push someone to talk about their trauma, but she wanted everyone to know that she was there for them if they wanted to talk. She couldn’t help most of them overcome their trauma because it was personal and for the most part, she couldn’t relate to a lot of their issues. The blonde felt sort of embarrassed about her own problems because they weren’t that bad. She had been cared for as she grew up—even if it was by selfish people, who didn’t care what she wanted. Sometimes McKenna realized her way of thinking was heavily flawed and other days she told herself to think about the positives of her situation. There were lots of problems in the world, so hers just seemed to miniscule compared to the rest of the world’s issues.

         She didn’t know what Jasper was going through, what he was thinking, or what prompted him t cry right now—and she wasn’t going to judge him for it. She wanted him to know that she was there if he wanted to talk. A lot of people said that, then didn’t like to hear about other people’s issues. McKenna wasn’t like that. She wanted to do what she could to help people because that’s just who she was. McKenna didn’t always have the answer to someone’s problems; she had learned that most of the time people just wanted to be able to talk to someone. She was still learning how to listen to people’s issues and figure out what to say to them. While she couldn’t always make someone feel better, at least it made her feel better to have other people know they could come to her. In any situation, McKenna wanted to be there for her friends. She might not know Jasper very well yet, but he was still someone that she cared about because like all the Foxes and Vixens, they were family.

         “You don’t need to be sorry,” she said softly. McKenna felt an ache in her chest. She hated seeing the Foxes unhappy. Especially when they won a game. “No, no. You’re great company.” Maybe it wasn’t entirely truthful, she was just more concerned about him than herself. “Just because something happy happened, doesn’t mean you have to be happy about it.” That advice wasn’t something that McKenna followed herself; she always had a difficult time when her mood didn’t match what was going on around her. “Look, I know there’s an afterparty going on soon, but ice cream always makes me feel better. Do you want to go grab some before going to celebrate? It’s not much, I just figured I’d offer.”  

McKenna was much too kind, and didn’t deserve to sit here and babysit Jasper while he has a meltdown outside. It was such a Fox move, but for once, Jasper really wished he was atypical in that sense. At least McKenna was too kind to take the out he gave her, and instead seemed to reach out further, her words soft and kind, and honestly, the thought of going to an afterparty at the moment sounds so awful. But ice-cream didn’t sound like the worst thing in the world. 

He smiled over at her softly, if a bit watery. “You’re kind,” he murmured. “I won’t turn that offer down,” he continued as he slowly stood up and dusted of the seat of his pants. “I hope I’m not taking you away from anything. I promise I’d be fine on my own,” he said hesitantly. Because he really didn’t need company but… but it would be nice. And McKenna wasn’t demanding he explain or anything like that. 

[leopard-jasper]

asterlingfox‌:

“Hey, have you seen-?” Sterling burst through the door leading out of the building off the visitor’s locker room, his upper body sticking out between the door and the doorframe, feet still inside. The question died in his mouth as soon as he saw Jasper on the ground - which would have been fine if his voice had sounded anything but broken, warbling and trying so, so hard to pass for fine. 

They’d just won. They’d won, in no small part, because of Jasper. He was still a sophomore, though, still fresh in Sterling’s mind, still inexperienced when it came to post-season stress, and he’d held up when all eyes were on him and saved the collapse for after. Sterling stepped out and let the door close behind him. 

“Yeah?” he asked, not doing anything to mask the skepticism in his voice. “I’m not totally convinced about that, but maybe if you say something about how great you feel I’ll believe you.” He stopped in front of Jasper, arms folded across his chest as he looked down at him; after a moment, he thought better of it, and dropped to the ground next to him instead, his back resting against the building. “You played well.”

Jasper couldn’t help but huff out a soft laugh; Sterling was blunt in his Sterling way, and while Jasper was embarrassed about being caught in a lie, he tried his best to just shrug it off. He wasn’t sure if he could do what Sterling had asked, at least not at the moment. Not convincingly, and he’d rather not make more of a fool of himself at the moment. 

The compliment, cool and measured, surprised him, and he couldn’t help but look up in surprise. There was part of Jasper that knew he had done well, but hearing it being told to him by someone who had been playing longer had something in him shaking. It felt good, but it ached in a way too, which was what made him give a huff of a laugh. 

“I… thank you,” he said lamely, rubbing the back of his neck. He still felt like such a kid sometimes next to players like Sterling. Tall, built, masculine. So much more masculine than he was. With his squeaky voice and his tears. He bet his tears were clinging to his eyelashes Disney Princess style and softening his face. It was embarrassing to think of.

So he changed the subject- “You were… you were asking a question. What was it?”

[leopard-jasper]

sashahartashby‌:

Spending a game on the bench is always boring, but not enough to deter her from future red cards. At least, this game had her on the edge of her seat. Sasha loves a good shootout, and the fact that the game ended in a small fight was even better, she only wishes she could’ve joined. She’s one of the first to be done, since she didn’t need to shower, and as she waits for her teammates, she doesn’t know what to do with herself. The obvious answer is to go to the club with everyone else, but it’s risky. If she’s photographed with anything that isn’t water, Irina will have her head.

Malibu is an hour away, but LA is more than familiar to her. She practically grew up here, joining her mom on set or spending the night out with her friends in expensive, celebrity filled clubs. That isn’t her life anymore, as much as she still craves it at times. There’s no more opportunities to take pictures of her stumbling around in her heels, only of her shedding tears at her sister’s grave, apparently. She still parties, just discreetly, and nothing about a club in LA is discreet. 

Sighing, she grabs her cigarettes and heads outside, nearly colliding into Jasper as soon as she steps out the door. Sasha notices the tear tracks on his cheeks, and raises a brow curiously. It’s not the first time a Fox would be upset after a game that they won, but it still bemuses her every time. 

“It looks more like you were trying to find somewhere to cry,” Sasha points out as she tucks her cigarette behind her ear. “Didn’t we win? Or is my eyesight so bad that I got it wrong from the bench?” 

It was a little embarrassing that Sasha could see right through him, but he found that perhaps it wasn’t that surprising either. He didn’t think he was doing a very good job of hiding it, but Sasha’s aloof air as she looked down on him made him feel quite small and stupid. She had been benched, and he had been able to play, and he had done well, all things considered, so why was he upset?

She was fierce in a way Jasper felt like he never could be, and he was almost envious of it. He bet Sasha didn’t cry about stuff like this. It made him feel… dumb. Even though he was sure that wasn’t what she was trying to do at all. So he shrugged at her, and turned his face away in shame.

“Well, I suppose you got me there,” he said with a soft wet sigh. “But I’m happy. That’s what these tears are. Happy. Overwhelmed,” he said, hoping he sounded convincing enough for her to let him slide by. He glanced at the cigarette that was now tucked behind her ear before back forwards. “I don’t mind if you smoke,” he added, shrugging his shoulders. It wasn’t like he had a monopoly on the outside now, did he?

[leopard-jasper]

raph-peruggia‌:

He stays on the bench for the duration of the game. He grips at the metal edge of it until his knuckles turn white with the strain of it and he watches. For once he does not imagine how he would make himself useful on the field. He does not try to learn anything from the offensive dealers in play. He just watches the game pan out without him in it. 

It is equal parts reassuring and painful to see the Foxes win without him. He hates to see it, that stark and undeniable proof that his presence is unnecessary to the success of the whole. But he does not know how much time he has left here, with this team, with these people, as Raphael Peruggia. It is good to know that he will let no one down if he has to become someone else. 

He flees the stadium as soon as he can. He hates the crowds at the end of a game, the teeming masses of people all rushing to clog the few obvious exit paths. Raph wastes no time in finding a side door out and using it.

He regrets it immediately because it is how he inadvertently interrupts Jasper Lewis crying.

His face is wet and his lip wobbles when he speaks. Raph feels his hands curl into fists.

He thinks very few things in the split second it takes him to traverse the distance between them. Mostly he thinks that when he finds whoever made Jasper Lewis cry, he will kill them.

“Who hurt you? Tell me their name.”

Jasper knew that he could never hide anything really truly important from Raph. Not something like this. But the intense murderous expression in his roommate’s face does very little to calm him down. In fact, he feels like perhaps it does the opposite. He loves Raph, and he loves how dedicated he is to him and all of his friends, but in the moment, he doesn’t want declarations of violence or protection. Because he loves his brother even when he’s hurting him.

“It’s nothing Raph. I promise. I’m just… overwhelmed. Happy crying, you know? I just… I did really…. Really well,” he said, and it almost hurt to say. Why did his accomplishments have to sting? He was proud of himself, but he wanted the pride of someone else, and that would surely be his downfall. 

“See? I’m okay,” he said, pointedly rubbing his arm across his nose and shaking his head to give Raph a more genuine smile. “But, um, are you alright, Raph?” He knew it couldn’t be fun sitting on the sidelines, especially with a game this intense. 

[leopard-jasper]

mckennamonroe‌:

         The game had McKenna shouting and cheering for the Foxes until the last second on the clock ran out. She couldn’t help her loud cheering and the grin on her face as she looked at the final scoreboard, showing the Foxes win. She couldn’t be prouder of the Foxes, her chest was heavy with pride for her team. Maybe there weren’t that many people that believed in the Foxes, but she was one of them. She didn’t think that she played much of a part in the Foxes hard work this champion season—she did hope that she at least gave them hope and helped them believe in themselves. There were people in their corner, even if the Foxes were the underdogs. She would always be one of them.

         There was chaos everywhere after the Foxes left the court. She listened to everyone as they went on about what they were doing to celebrate the win. Who was going out with the people from On the Line, who was going out clubbing, who was going to dinner to celebrate. McKenna felt overwhelmed with everything going on, and she needed a breath of fresh air. She grabbed her jacket and headed towards the door of the locker room. As much as she enjoyed being a Vixen and the friendship she had forged with all of her squad mates, sometimes it just felt so surreal. Maybe all of this was a dream. She wasn’t at Palmetto, she was at some school in Kansas, only a couple hours from her grandparents and the still controlled her life. One of these days she’d wake up to the truth. Even though she had been at Palmetto for two years now, half the time it still felt more like a dream.

         McKenna wondered how much longer she could keep lying to her grandparents about being a Vixen. They didn’t need to know about her extracurricular activities because they wouldn’t understand. She wished that she could talk to them and get them to understand her. Just because they didn’t approve of the life she was leading, didn’t mean that they couldn’t love her. McKenna didn’t want them to disapprove. As much as she tried to rebel against what her grandparents wanted, she was still a responsible young lady. She felt good about the decisions she made and was learning who she was. They couldn’t fault her for that. McKenna knew that she would eventually tell them the truth; she couldn’t hide forever. Her only hope was that they could finally put aside their differences and be a family. Because in a way, both her mother and grandparents had shaped her into the person she was today—they had raised her in selfish environments and yet she was as far from selfish as she could possibly get.

         Her thoughts were all over the place as she pushed the door open. Outside, the night air was chilly. There were too many people inside the court, so the fresh air felt nice on her face. The blonde almost didn’t see Jasper, until he spoke. “Oh, sorry,” she said, looking up at him with a small smile on her face. Immediately, she could tell that he wasn’t as happy as his words were. “Are you okay?” the Vixen asked, a concerned look on her face. Her own thoughts and emotions were put aside the second she saw the look on his face. She glanced down at her uniform, feeling like she was intruding. “I can go if you want. I can get Wymack or Abby or… someone. If that’s what you want. Or just… leave.” She awkwardly didn’t know what to do in this situation. “I’m also here, if you want to talk.” 

Jasper didn’t know McKenna. In fact, the only reason why he even knew her name was because he heard it in passing while he was bird-watching once. But she gave off such a calm, sweet vibe. Her question was genuine, and despite the fact that she grew a little awkward at the end, it meant a lot to him at the moment. The choice to dismiss her or not. 

And perhaps it was the softness of her voice of the way her eyes scanned his face that had him hiccuping softly as a shaky little sob escaped him without his consent. He seemed to crumble under her concern, deep down wanting nothing more than to be comforted. But that wasn’t McKenna’s job; he didn’t even know her that well. Why did he think it was okay to flail blindly at her in hopes of catching on and pulling himself up from drowning in self-hatred and guilt over wanting his brother’s support. 

“I’m sorry,” he choked out, scrubbing at his face in an attempt to stop the tears, which didn’t do much to help. “I’m kind of shitty company right now. Which is so stupid, because we just won,” he said, his voice shaky and unstable. He didn’t want to bring anyone down into this pit he was sinking into. “But thank you for asking. I appreciate it,” he said softly, his breath hitching.

[leopard-jasper]

no2granger‌:

By Louis’ reckoning, whatever was bringing him success was the only thing worth doing. If someone asked him what he considered ‘self care’ that would be it; but he doesn’t understand what self care really is. Taking time out for himself, staying in when everyone else goes out, ordering pad thai of questionable quality instead of eating something nutritious were habits to Louis, not treats or self care. If he wasn’t pushing himself to breaking point or filling every waking moment with some sort of self improvement activity, not only was he lazy but he was failing.

It added to the pressure, the frustration, when he as doing all of that and then had both a game and his parents to worry about. He was exhausted; he knew he looked as awful as he felt and he could see Jasper thinking just that. He could also see the other’s shock, uneasiness at Louis’ anger, which burned away into guilt. He immediately went back to feeling just as drained as he had before. He felt like I’d stood up too quickly and his blood pressure didn’t have time to catch up, and he dropped back into the chair and slumped over with his forehead against the edge of the table.

“Sorry, Jasper,” Louis sighed, swallowing hard against the hoarseness in his voice.

Louis didn’t know what to say to Jasper at first. He talked about his problems a lot with Betsy and had done since the first day he arrived in Palmetto. Sometimes he talked so much for so long that she never had the opportunity to get a word in; it was another bad habit, once he started he couldn’t stop until everything weighing on his mind was out in the universe. He didn’t want to put that on anyone, he felt bad enough for Betsy and she was paid to try and deal with Louis and his brain.

“Yeah…I mean no, I’m obviously not alright but it doesn’t matter, it’s just me and my bullshit. I didn’t mean to yell at you, I’m just…stressed,” Louis said.

Jasper softened as Louis anger seemed to shrink and become something much heavier. Jasper understood that sometimes it was easier to be angry than sad, so he didn’t take offense to Louis’s outburst. In fact, he felt something like sympathy pulling at his heart. He couldn’t pretend to empathize, if only because he wasn’t exactly sure what was going on in his head, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t be kind.

“It’s okay. No hard feelings. We’re all stressed right now, I understand,” he said easily, hoping that Louis would take the excuse and take solace in it. He would never ask him to explain, especially considering that they weren’t the closest on the team. Not for any particular reason; it was just how Jasper was. 

“We’ve all got bullshit. We’re Foxes, aren’t we?” he teased gently before he rolled his shoulders a little nervously, shaking out the lingering adrenaline rush. “But, that also means we stick together,” he said confidently, before he smiled warmly, his eyes twinkling a little with mirth. 

“I’ve got some emergency sweets for when I’m feeling kinda down. Can I interest you in any?” he asked, shoving his hands in his pockets.

[leopard-jasper]

Where: Outside the Court (Away) When: February 15th, Directly After Game  Who: Open

Jasper slammed the door open to the outside with a huff, sucking cold air into his lungs. His cheeks hurt from smiling, and he found that his knees were still shaking from the adrenaline. His heart pitter-pattered in his chest, taking him down to the ground, where he sat half reclined on the sidewalk. 

It all still felt so crystal clear. Like it was still happening. The sting of fear as the first ball sailed by him. The phantom cuff of Derek’s fist over his ear, one that he waved away as best as he could, but still not good enough to save the next goal. The sudden building dread that they were going to lose. And it was going to be because of him. He thought about his team, and how much he wanted them to succeed. How he wanted Grant to have the best Championship season, because it would be his last. Perhaps that what steadied him. Allowed him to drift between the anxiety and fear and into a pleasant focused zone, where things start to slow down. 

He hadn’t really been aware they had won. Not at first, still lost in that focused high, the desire to do good, to win, to not fail; and he hadn’t. His team was delighted, their spirits high and infectious and he was smiling too. It felt good. 

But wins always felt good. Wins were celebratory ice creams and a soft pat on the shoulder that didn’t leave any marks. Wins were “good job little bro” and “that’s my brother!” Wins were meant to be shared, were special. It was theirs, and now Jasper couldn’t even pick up his phone to call who deep down he really wanted to. All he ever wanted was to make him proud, no matter what he did, no matter how much he tried to tell himself he didn’t care; all he really wanted to do was call Derek and tell him what happened.

He wanted to hear his brother go quiet, and then give a soft apology: “I’m sorry I doubted you. I’m sorry I pushed you like I did. I hope you can forgive me-” because Jasper was so so ready to forgive him, even though he shouldn’t be. 

Because what was the fucking point of this stupid fucking sport if he couldn’t share it with his brother? It never mattered to him like it mattered to Derek. So why was he doing this to himself? He couldn’t share what he loved most about the sport with the person who lent him their passion, so what was the fucking point. 

And then there were tears, hot and scorching and embarrassing, and he clamped his hand over his mouth to stop a choked noise, his eyes wide as he curled into himself, heaving out sobs that wracked his whole body. The adrenaline and the fear and the win all caught up in a whirlwind, that left him wanting so badly to see his brother. Wanting something he shouldn’t, not when he had done so good living for himself. Playing Exy for himself. He guessed, really, that that had been a lie too, hadn’t it? Had he even grown at all? Or would he always be dancing to his brother’s tune, allowing it to drain the pride and joy he felt in his own accomplishments?

And then he heard the door open behind him and he straightened immediately, biting his quivering lip and immediately schooling himself. “No Mom, I’m okay. I wasn’t crying. I’m just tired.” Already there, already on the tip of his tongue. Already so ready to hide.

“Haha, quite a game, wasn’t it? I needed a break from the excitement,” he said as neutrally as he could, which he felt wasn’t very neutral at all; he was out of practice, after all. 

[no2granger]

At the moment, every day feels like a bad day. Things have been…not good since Christmas, eespecially where Louis’ parents are concerned. His refusal to join them and the rest of his family in Australia for the Foxes’ last Christmas break had left some bitter, heavy tension between he and his parents. He didn’t know if it was better or worse that he was in Palmetto and they were all the way in Canada.

They didn’t like that they hadn’t seen Louis in so long and he didn’t like that they were constantly trying to see him. A part of him truly did understand and empathise with them; they knew what he was capable of doing to himself and before he came to Palmetto, they’d had 3 years where they could keep a constant eye on him. He just wished he knew what it was that was worrying them so much; what was causing them to try and call him twice a day? They said he was acting different, strange, distant, but Louis didn’t see it - he just wanted a little space.

As it was, things were not improving any time soon and it was starting to leak into his life in Palmetto. After a heated argument with his father one morning, Louis had was so angry that Wymack told him to go and take a breather when his temper made it’s way onto the court during practice. A similar argument followed that evening and Louis was still seething in the morning, so much so that he said ‘fuck it’ to practice completely and he sped away in his car from Palmetto for the day. It wasn’t a choice he’d ever make again; Wymack had given him the verbal bollocking of his life and Louis was so ashamed when he left the coach’s office that he genuinely thought about writing him some kind of apology note.

Then the Foxwatch post happened.

Louis was human. He liked gossip but that didn’t mean he wanted to be apart of it. He looked awful: his clothes rumpled from a lack of motivation to do a proper load of laundry, dark bags under his eyes and his hair messy and tangled from poor sleep or lack thereof completely. He sat in the common area, leaning forward in his chair and his laptop propped up on the coffee table. His foot tapped anxiously as he read the post and it ignited the anger, anxiety and shame that had plagued him like a bad cold for the past few weeks.

‘Watch out little Fox, it looks like you’re on thin ice.’ Louis slammed his laptop shut and at the same time, the door to the common area swung open. It surprised Louis enough that he shot out of his chair. “What? What the fuck do you want?” He barked, before even looking to see who it was.

[leopard-jasper]

If Jasper was being honest, he could feel the weight of the stress of the upcoming game pulling everyone down. It was hard to keep his head up when everyone got so focused on practice that they forgot to practice self-care. Jasper found himself starting to do that, but he promised himself that while Exy was important and he wanted to make his team proud, he needed to do right by himself as well.

Which was why he was going to relax in the common area and listen to a podcast while staring out the window looking for birds. The abruptness of Louis’ demand was enough to have him jumping, however. The unexpected fury sent his heart racing in his chest, suddenly sure that he had messed up horribly enough that now he was finally going to suffer and his brother would be proven right; that he couldn’t succeed unless he was pushed to.

But those thoughts barely flashed in his head, already whisked away by the assurance that he was in a safe space, even if he had to chant that to himself a couple of times as he took in Louis’s appearance. He looked on edge, unsettled, and Jasper thought that that seemed about right for everything that had been happening at the practices and such. Jasper brought his hands up in a gentle sign of surrender.

“Hey man. I just wanted to chill,” he said cautiously, before wondering how far he could push his luck. He didn’t know Louis particularly well, but that didn’t mean he didn’t care. They were on the same team, of course, and that meant he really did care whether or not he was okay.

And so he asked, even though he was sure it wouldn’t end well. “Are you alright man? If you want me to leave I will I just… I know we don’t know each other real well but I’m here for you, okay? If you need someone right now,” he said calmly, still keeping his distance.

[leopard-jasper]

ripleyvansant‌:

         Ripley wasn’t too sure about that, but they smiled all the same. Everything lately seemed to be a giant struggle and they were wondering if maybe they were going to get a break anytime soon. It seemed like the more they wanted to have a break, the worse everything seemed to get. “And even if they don’t get better, I sure know how to fake it.” Not really. Anyone with any sense could see how much Ripley was struggling. Even their other friends were starting to pick up on the slight changes in Ripley and how they seemed more tired and less responsive. Ripley had doubled down on sessions with Betsy, two a week or a longer one if she couldn’t fit in two sessions. It was helping, but Ripley still hadn’t admitted why they were feeling so down lately. No one knew and they hadn’t really planned on telling anyone. One of these days, they were going to regret hiding everything from everyone.

         It was kind of funny being called a good person when so many people didn’t think that. Ripley didn’t even think they were a good person. They were selfish and too preoccupied with how people viewed them. Ripley had practically ruined their own life trying to get people to think they were something other than just a queer kid from a family of nobodies. “You say that because you don’t know me.” Ripley might be a good person to some people, but they weren’t a good person to themself—and it was a work on progress, though it was a struggle sometimes because they didn’t know how to be themself. “Same. I don’t have that many friends.” Which was mostly due to their own fault, trying too hard to keep people at bay and not know how much they were actually struggling.

         Flirting was Ripley’s default mode. They weren’t exactly subtle when it came to their own sexuality, finding everyone attractive. It wasn’t a big deal that Ripley flirted with someone, unless they mentioned they didn’t like it—then they’d back off. Jasper was adorable and Ripley wanted him to know that. “I’m not being kind, I’m being honest.” Ripley could tell that Jasper wasn’t used to this kind of attention. They remembered back when they used to be like that. It was kind of funny to think of a time when they’d been shy, but it had been like that before Pip had taken them under their wing—after Marshall had disappeared from their lives. “Sorry if I’m making you uncomfortable,” they muttered, looking away. Not everyone appreciated being flirted with.

         “I’ve gotten in trouble for flirting with straight guy, or like… girls with significant others. It’s just how I am. But I’ll stop. If you want.” Ripley personally didn’t want to. Someone like Jasper was deserving of that kind of attention. And if he wasn’t getting it from someone else, then Ripley was glad to do a bit of flirting. The person they liked to flirt with was now in a relationship and Ripley would rather not get yelled—or worse—from an upset Fox. “And no, you’re wrong. I’m not flattering you too much. Just the right amount. Maybe less, if I might be honest.”

         Hiding what was going on with them was hell, but then so was telling people what was going on. That was one of Ripley’s biggest problems. They always felt like talking about their feelings was going to make people feel like they couldn’t handle their problems. Which right now they couldn’t. “Thanks.” It did feel kind of odd to phrase their own problems as someone else’s because they were beginning to lose that ability to lie decently. However, it was better than someone knowing just how poorly they felt. “I’m sure they will.”  

Jasper heard and felt the self-degradation in Ripley’s comment, and it made Jasper frown, but he knew better than to fight them. He felt as though he had fought them well enough already, and instead decided to simply support. That was all he could do at the moment. “Well, maybe I don’t know much about you, but I want to know more. I have a feeling you aren’t as bad as you might seem,” he said gently, but that was all he said on the subject, even though he wanted to shake some sense of self love into Ripley. He knew that wasn’t possible however, so he let it drop. 

Jasper couldn’t help but rub the back of his neck sheepishly, smiling a little bit at the table. “Oh…. well, I… I’m not used to anything like that,” Jasper admitted, as if it wasn’t completely obvious. “But… I don’t mind it,” he said, feeling his face flush a little bit as he said so. This was completely foreign territory, but that made it slightly exciting. He could tell Ripley used flirting as a sort of defense, but Jasper was fine by that. It was more than flattering, despite what Ripley was protesting.

“You don’t have to stop,” he said as he brought his hands back to his drink and glanced up at Ripley from behind his eyelashes, before dropping them back to his cup as he brought it to his lips and back down again. Perhaps it was a little selfish to say that, but it didn’t seem like something Ripley wanted to stop anytime soon. And far be it from Jasper to stop them. 

He softened instinctively as Ripley seemed to take his words to heart. “You’re a good friend. I’m sure they’ll pull through if you believe in them.”

[leopard-jasper]

rollinsgrant‌:

“Ah,” Grant said, somewhat uselessly, as Jasper mentioned his break. He remembered Jasper’s late night texts. At the time, he’d thought it strange—Jasper awake in the middle of the night, and asking after Grant’s break, seemingly out of nowhere. And sure: he’d gone to New York this time around, instead of spending it on campus the way he normally did, but it wasn’t as though Grant had publicized that fact beforehand. “Well, I’m sure it’s good to be back then.” 

This wasn’t his area of expertise. Grant knew Exy, and he knew how to coach the Foxes through a play, but he wasn’t sure he’d ever be completely comfortable with everything else that came from captaining a team like this one. Grant wasn’t sure how Wymack dealt with it—and he knew from personal experience that underneath Wymack’s bluster, their coach was invested in every single Fox and their past. Yes, Grant cared about the Foxes, and yes, he wanted that to extend to off the court too. That didn’t mean he always knew how to show it, or what to say. It didn’t come naturally to him, the way Exy did. 

So it was easier, as always, when the conversation turned back towards the sport. “Oh, I’m sure you all will, because I’m not giving the team another option,” Grant said, dryly. It was only partly an attempt at a joke. “Last semester and all,” he added, gesturing towards himself. “Time to pull out all the stops.”

Jasper couldn’t help but huff out a little laugh at Grant’s awkward verbal pat on the back, but he only did so so that he wouldn’t start sobbing. Because Grant was right; it was good to be back, more so than he could understand. Or maybe he did understand, but Foxes didn’t become Foxes without a little bit of damage. 

But Jasper didn’t need Grant to be eloquent, not by any stretch of the imagination. In fact, he found he preferred it that way. “Oh yeah. Ha, it’s always nice to be back,” he said neutrally, giving Grant a small smile. 

He couldn’t help but feel a flare of determination at Grant’s sharp grin and confident nod. He seemed so sure that his team would push through, and that confidence made Jasper want to prove him right. It was his last semester, and after Grant had given him so much, taught him about what it meant to lead with a soft hand, he was more than determined to give him something in return. And a title would be perfect.

“You can always count on us,” Jasper said with a fierciness he doesn’t usually carry, but felt necessary in the moment. No matter what happened at home, he refused to let Grant down.

[leopard-jasper]

Cut My Hair / Cavetown

Praying / Kesha

Rise Up / Andra Day

All About You / Oh Wonder

Warrior / Demi Lovato

[leopard-jasper]

ripleyvansant‌:

         Confidence was not something that Ripley had a lot of when it came to themself. Growing up people had made fun of them for not having the same clothing brands and having to wear their brother’s handed down clothing. People had always put Ripley down somehow or another and after a while, they realized that there had to be a reason for it. Something had to be wrong with them for people to judge them as harshly as they always seemed to judge them. Now it was almost second nature for Ripley to put themself down—at least if they did, then they didn’t have to wait around for someone else to do it. Perhaps that wasn’t the healthiest way to behave, but Ripley never did always make the healthiest decisions.

         “Sure, but I sometimes think it would be easier if I could not be human. Then I wouldn’t have to deal with all my emotions all the time crowding my brain.” Ripley wanted their life to be as easy going as they made it seem. There were obviously some really tough things going on in their life, yet they didn’t want anyone to know about them. When it came to feelings, Ripley preferred to keep them hidden. Their life was a joke, so what was the point in getting worked up about it. “Garbage is right. There’s a lot of that right now,” they laughed lightly. Ripley felt like they got worked up over the stupidest shit and fixated on negative situations rather than finding the positive in a situation. “Maybe one of these days things will start to calm the fuck down. I could use a break.”

         Life wasn’t easy, Ripley knew that. However, at some point life needed to stop throwing shit at people that couldn’t handle it. Ripley was one more bad situation away from going back to drug use and forgetting the sobriety they’d worked so hard to keep. “Thanks,” they smiled at Jasper. “I never share too much with people that I just met. But I need to start sharing with people. I can’t keep doing what I’m doing and hiding my past.” A lot of Ripley’s past had been their own fault—they accepted that—so they didn’t complain about that, just what they couldn’t control. That portion happened to be a lot more than they wanted to admit. “If anything, I hope this is the start of a friendship. I could use a couple more friends.”

         They realized that was giving up more than they wanted to give up. Ripley knew that anyone could have guessed that they were talking about themself and not a friend. Dealing with liking someone that didn’t like them back was a complicated situation. Ripley had been trying to distance themself from Cade, which seemed to be working—not as quickly as they wanted it to work. Dating had never been one of Ripley’s strong suits. In high school, they’d mostly flirt with people and only have one real relationship which didn’t last long. Usually if a person didn’t like Ripley, there was someone else that did. In this case though, there wasn’t anyone.

         “Really? A cutie like you?” Ripley couldn’t believe that. If someone as attractive and amazing as Jasper hadn’t been on a date before, then Ripley was doomed. They didn’t think they were a catch, and their inability to take anything seriously, including their own health. “I’d date you in a heartbeat. But I’d also date a chair if it was interested in me, so I don’t think I’m a great measure.” It was a joke, mostly. Ripley flirted with just about everyone. “I’ll let you in on a little secret—those dance weren’t very fun. I only went to one and then ended up doing other things with other friends.” Because you were always way too fucked up to remember anything most of the time, they thought. “Regardless, you’re a total catch. I hope you know that.”

         That’s what Ripley had been doing—and it was working to a degree, just not fast enough. They hadn’t been spending any time at all with Cade. They’d been spending more time with other friends and working on homework when they weren’t thinking about everything else that was going on in their life. “I think my friend’s just going through a bunch of other stuff, that’s just not helping the situation at all.” One of these days, they’d completely be over it. “Anyway, thanks. I’ll pass the information on.”

Jasper smiled sympathetically. “I’m sure it will. Just hang in there, alright?” he said softly. He felt the urge to reach out awkwardly and path them on the shoulder or something along those lines, but he didn’t feel very comfortable doing something like that and he was sure it would probably come off as disingenuous, when Jasper really did want them to feel better. He knew what it was like. Talking to Ripley had definitely distracted him from the fact that he very much still shook by what happened with his brother over break, but he knew as soon as he left, the weight of what had happened would be back on his shoulders in an instant. 

He couldn’t help but smile a little wider than he normally would, and nodding in agreement with Ripley. “I’d like to think it is. You’re a good person Ripley. And I’m always looking for more friends as well,” he said softly. And it was true. He had Raph and Jen and Grayson to an extent, but it certainly wouldn’t hurt to reach out more to the Vixens. He only really knew Jen, but Jen used to be on the team. It wasn’t quite the same, after all. 

Jasper couldn’t help but grow a little flustered under Ripley’s continued flirting. He wasn’t uncomfortable, but he was embarrassed. He couldn’t help but rub the back of his neck and flutter his other hand near his chest. “Oh goodness. Really, you’re being too kind,” he stammered, feeling his face hot with a flustered blush. He was sure Ripley was just joking around, but even to have someone joke with him like this was definitely something he wasn’t used to.

But if Ripley wasn’t joking, what exactly did that mean though? Was he being hit on right now? Because he had never been hit on before. What about Ripley? He shyly looked them over and then quickly averted his gaze, embarrassed. Of course Ripley was cute, but that wasn’t really the point was it? Should he say something similar back? Was he even interested? It was such a new rush of questions, so he instead opted to press his lips together and squirm a little bit. “You’re too flattering of me,” he said softly, smiling shyly up at Ripley, before away again. 

Jasper couldn’t help but find it funny and sad that Ripley was trying to hide their turmoil, but he let them get away with it, nodding his head. “I wish them the best of luck. Pass that along from me as well?” he asked earnestly. “It can’t be easy. But I’m confident they can pull through”