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still, good job
[011921] Gdragonās Instagram update
itās time for people with good hearts to finally win.
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Random gorgeous woman in booty shorts ask to ride your longboard šÆ imma give it to her!
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back the fuck up
Thereās another story that I like about a Chinese general who had to defend a city with only a handful of soldiers from a huge enemy horde that was in all likelihood going to steamroll the place flat within hours of showing up.
So when said horde did arrive, they saw the general sitting outside the cityās open gates, drinking tea. The horde sent a couple of emissaries over to see what was what, and the general greeted them cheerfully and invited them all to come and take tea with him.
The horde decided that this was a scenario that had āMASSIVE FUCKING TRAPā written all over it in beautiful calligraphy and promptly fucked off.
Whoever that general was, he was clearly the Ancient Chinese equivalent of Sam Vimes.
did he just invite us over for tea nah man iām out
This just keeps getting better
I fucking love history.
ok but tbh that story misses a lot of the subtlety of the situation like ok
so this story is the Romance of Three Kingdoms, and essentially takes place between Zhuge Liang, resident tactician extraordinaire, and Sima Yi⦠OTHER resident tactician extraordinaire.
The two were both regarded as tactical geniuses and recognized the other as their rival. Zhuge Liang had a reputation for ambushing the SHIT out of his opponents and using the environment to his advantage, thus destroying large armies with a small number of men. Sima Yi (who kind of entered the picture later) was a cautious person whose speciality was unravelling his opponentās plans before they began. So it was natural that the two would butt heads; however, since Sima Yi tended to have more men and resources, he started winning battles against the former. Which, yāknow, kinda sucked.
On to the actual story: Zhuge Liang is all like āshit i gotta defend this city with like 10 men.ā Literally if he fights ANY kind of battle here, he WILL lose; his only option for survival is not to fight. And thatās looking more and more impossible until he hears that his rival is leading the opposing army. And then he gets this brilliant idea. He basically opens all the gates, sends his men out in civilian clothes to sweep the streets, and sits on top of the gate drinking tea and chilling out and basically makes the whole thing out to be a trap
When Sima Yi comes heās all like āyo come on in broā
and Sima Yi is like āyeah heās never been that obvious about his traps before. this is definitely a bluffā and heās about to head in when he realizes
wait. he knows that i think heās bluffing.
and so he gets it in his head that maybe, just MAYBE, Zhuge Liang has this cunning plan that will wipe out his army - recall that he has a pretty good handle on what his rival is capable of. And after a long period of deliberation (which is just like āhe know that I know that he knows that etc.ā), being the cautious man he is, SIma Yi eventually decides to turn his entire army around and leave.
Zhuge Liang later points out that the plan wasĀ based specifically on the fact that he was facing his rival; if it had been anyone else, thereās no way it would have worked. A dumber or less cautious person would have simply charged in and won without breaking a sweat.Ā
and thatās the real genius here: it was a plan formed entirely justĀ to deceive one man, and it worked.
Zhuge Liang is the most brilliant, sneaky-ass bastard in history. One time his sideās army was out of arrows, which pretty much meant they were screwed. So Zhuge Liang goes and does the logical thing, which is build a fuck ton of scarecrows and put them all on boats. Then he makes the men hide in the boats and sail them out on the river.
Well, that day was super foggy (which Zhuge Liang had predicted. Did I mention he was also a freakishly accurate meteorologist?). So the enemy across the river sees a fleet of boats armed to the teeth with what appears to be half an army of men. They panic! and start firing arrows like crazy.Ā
Zhuge Liang lets this play out for a while, then heās like, āOk guys thatās enough.ā They calmly turn the boats around and go back to base, where they dismantle the scarecrows and pull out all the enemyās arrows.
Zhuge Liang is legend.
I love this post. It just keeps getting better. Like seriously, I would have adored learning about this in World History.
If you want to see this in cinematic glory, watch Red Cliff.
Especially since it makes Zhuge Liang look like this:
Red Cliff is 50% bloody battles and 50% eye candy and about half of that eye-candy is due to Zhuge Liang
I fully support watching Red Cliff; itās gloriously silly entertainment during the battle scenes.
Guess what just got moved to the top of my watch list?? :D
BeyonceĢ and Kelly Rowland for FHM Magazine (1999)
Watch: Sheās honestly so brave for standing up for herself and her rights
follow @the-movemnt
Gabby Bowie. Say her name. And fuck this school.
Contact Pleasant Grove High principal Wayne Byram and tell the school their actions are racist and unacceptable.
100 Spartan Drive Pleasant Grove, AL Ā 3512
205-379-5250
āi have a right to ask you to do anythingā is a very dangerous thing for an adult official to say to a child in school.
LETāS ALL CONTACT THEIR ADMINISTRATION AND TELL THEM TO SHOVE THEIRĀ āRULESā UP THEIR ASS
!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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