Dear Future Ex

Expecting Our Reality.

[letmefallinlove]

Dear Future Ex,

I think it’s very close for us to be exes of each other. This is maybe my last post, and this is for the woman who you will marry.

And for you, for the last time...te amo.

To this man’s future wife:

I guess you have been chosen to take care of the man I love for the rest of your life. Congratulations, he’s a great man.

I wish you happiness and I hope you will have a good life with him.

Please take care of him and love him with all your heart.

Sometimes he can be stubborn and he will test your patience. You will need a lot of understanding and support him as much as you can.

If you don’t hear from him because he’s too busy from work or going through tough times, check-in with him and give him lots of hugs. He likes that.

Just listen to him if he shares his troubles. Don’t judge him. Don’t nag at him. He’s got a lot on his plate. You might have a lot on your plate too but as his wife, he must always come first. For me, that’s unconditional love.

He is a strong, alpha male on the outside but on the inside, he’ll need someone to draw his strength from. Be the one who will give him comfort, he won’t say it but he will need that a lot.

He has a bit cockiness in him and it can be annoying at times but it’s harmless. Careful though because he has a lot of pride in him, respect it and don’t test it.

Make sure to care for him with a genuine heart. He will need you to remind him where he last left his phone, his watch or where he placed his wallet. He forgets most of the time.

He will appreciate you a lot if you help arrange his clothes but don’t do it because you feel like it’s a duty, do it because it feels good to be that person doing it for him.

He won’t tell you so much about his health. It is very important that you be strict to him about it. Watch his blood pressure, sugar intake and even salt intake. Remind him to always drink water.

I wish I got a chance to cook for him but because I’m from a different culture, I have limited knowledge. You will know more than me so please cook good and healthy meals for him. His go-to meat is chicken but he loves a good lamb.

He hates crowded places so if you want to go out and spend time with him, take him to a nice place with a good scenery. He likes the mountains more than the sea. He also likes seeing horses, cows and other farm animals. You’ll enjoy watching him act like a kid when he sees them.

He prefers sleeping without a pillow or maybe he’ll just lie on your chest. It will be a bit uncomfortable for you but endure it because hearing him sleep soundly is worth it.

You will experience a lot of other women who might want him but you’re very lucky because you will become his wife. Trust him. You won’t even need to check his phone. If in doubt, ask him straight. Don’t worry he is faithful but be faithful to him too. He values character more than anything else.

Don’t be disappointed if he is not very sweet and might not give you flowers ever. He makes up for it in other ways and he is very generous.

He will be too busy and might not give you so much attention so hold on to the times where he give you those and treasure it. You won’t need anyone else but him.

He wants five kids, mainly boys but deep inside I am sure he also needs a little princess. He will be a good father so hang in there with him especially with five kids. He refused to change diapers but I am sure he will eventually do it.

Sometimes he doubts himself so always give him reassurance how amazing he is because it’s true.

If he doesn’t say “I love you” or “I love you too” back, it’s alright. You will feel it when he really loves you. Action speaks louder than words. But, don’t get tired of telling him or showing him how much you love him.

I know he will be a great partner for the rest of your life. There will always be ups and downs but you were the one that his family has chosen for him. I hope you know how lucky you are. I envy you a lot.

Please love him more than I loved him. Take care of him from now on because I can’t anymore. Always make him happier than how I made him happy.

I know there’s small to zero chance of you reading this so I pray that he will be settled and happy with you. That’s all I ask as someone who once loved him sincerely.

...Ahmed. I knew this will likely happen but I stayed for as long as I can. Now it’s time to let you go. I wish I can be selfish and demand you to choose me. However, even if I don’t know them, I respect your family and we will respect their wishes.

I hope you know how much I loved you. Thank you for loving me too. Please be happy, always.

[letmefallinlove]

11. Dear Future Ex,

I am hurting. I feel like I did something wrong which is why you are taking forever to reply.

I, however, won’t beg for your attention. I don’t want to disturb you so I will hurt alone. I hope I won’t cry but the tears are threatening to fall in my eyes.

I wish now I didn’t love you this much. I already know we might not end up together. I wish I was stronger not to love you deeper but it’s too late now. I am already hurting.

Are you testing me? Whether yes or no, I already hate you for it. I hate myself too because this should be making everything easier when we end our relationship. If I hate you, then I won’t cry so much in the future but it’s not working. I thought it’s be easier to accept our fate but it doesn’t hurt any less.

How long can I endure this? I don’t know. All I know is my heart is hurting and I can’t help but wish that my feelings for you are really fading.

[letmefallinlove]

10. Dear Future Ex,

We hit rock bottom last week. I thought you were getting tired of me but I guess it was just lack of communication.

It’s both our faults I guess. I tend not to tell you how I feel. You tend to keep to yourself when you have problems in your life and then you isolate everyone around you. As a girlfriend, I am supposed to be comfortable in sharing things with you and as a boyfriend, you should also share your worries with me. However, we are missing that important part of a relationship - communication.

We are already from different states so maintaining our communication will be more difficult. We’ll be busy most of the time and in your mind our relationship is already stable so communicating less than before should be fine. Wrong. We need to still communicate. I hate to have another misunderstanding like the big one about breaking up.

In the beginning of the year, I thought you are really getting tired of me. You message after long hours and we don’t call each other anymore. Then you explained that you are going through something and you even stayed away from your family. I accepted that and tried my best to understand. I can’t help but wonder if maybe there is someone else you prefer talking to now or that you are not ready to be in a relationship with everything that is happening in your life.

With these assumptions, I brought up breaking up several times. I know it pissed you off but I can’t help but think that is what you need. You said you were cool with it and then you finally suspected that something is up. Nothing is up aside from me thinking you need a break. When I finally asked you, you said that you feel like there is someone else... a doctor or a lawyer who is more suitable to me.

All this time, I was jealous of blondes who might hit on you and it turns out you have been worrying if I meet men who you think might be more suitable for me. I never thought we’ll have these insecurities.

You are younger than me by three years but I have always admired how you have your own business in your home country. I, on the other hand, has completeled my Master’s degree and I admit I am a career woman. In an alternate universe, maybe my profile would fit someone who is in the same level of my profession but my heart wants you. It doesn’t matter where you are in life.

You told me I am beautiful but I never see myself as one. This is why I am insecure that you will find someone who is more beautiful or sexier. It is really hard to deal with insecurities. I hope we cleared this one.

What we haven’t cleared though is our communication. I don’t need 24/7 communication. Just don’t forget you have a girlfriend waiting for you to remember her. I don’t want to force you to always reply to me. I also need to get used to this attitude of yours. I’ve got glimpses of this already when we were just starting so I shouldn’t be really surprised.

I hope my heart is more stable and can withstand the uneasy feeling when it takes you long to reply to me. I will try to have longer patience and I will definitely have to keep myself busy.

Please... let’s both try to make it through.

Always,

J.

[letmefallinlove]

9. Dear Future Ex,

We fought again today because I mentioned “breaking up” for the nth time. I don’t want to break up, let me get that straight, but when I get a hint from you that maybe it’s better to end “us” or it’s better if you find someone from where you are based, my mind overthinks, and decides that perhaps that’s the most practical way to go.

However, I want to hold on to “us” because I love you. My heart wants it to last for as long as possible. I want to be there for you when you get your residency... and you replied that you want to be with me till I get my citizenship. You might get your residency next year but my new passport, I will likely receive in 2021. This means, you want us to be together longer. If possible, I want us to be together forever. Our circumstances suck.

Why can’t I spend the rest of my life with the man I love because I was born with a different religion and I wasn’t raised the way girls in your culture were raised?

Is it worth spending 2 years of my life with you knowing you will likely be set to marry someone else? I will be more than 30 years of age that time and I would have to start all over again once you leave me.

You can easily find a wife, it will be a challenge for me to find a husband.

Your future wife can carry your children, I won’t even have the chance. I want to be a mother too, but I want my children to call you their father.

While your life seems to be set straight, what is going to happen to me after dedicating a part of my life loving you?

These are the questions in my mind that makes me think that maybe a break up is better to protect our hearts. Can you blame me?

However, whenever I bring it up, you do give me reasons to re-think it might be worth staying... that it will be worth the future heartache.

I hope I can focus my energy in loving you now but the future is daunting and the present is challenging considering the distance.

But despite what’s going through my mind, I decided to be with you. There might be a slim chance of us ending up with it each other. So, I’ll bet on that slim chance.

[letmefallinlove]

8. Dear Future Ex,

The likelihood of you becoming my “Ex” has increased now that your mother knows about us. You told me she asked who I am and you told her I am just a friend from university. I think your mother is smart enough to make out when you are bluffing or telling the truth.

I am unsure if she asked you similar questions with your past relationships but telling you to stop fooling around and talking about potential marriage makes me feel like we finally received the deadline for “us”.

I thought I can easily accept that and just enjoy the time we have but it hurts a lot. I sincerely love you and I know if I become your wife, I will dedicate my life to you. However, I might have already lost the chance to do that because I don’t fit the requirements. You are Muslim, I am a Catholic. We come from different religious and cultural backgrounds. I am not confident I will be accepted on your side, while in mine, we might have to struggle before they accept us.

I feel it’s a bit unfair. You’re a good man and my family won’t see past your religion. With time, they might open their hearts and mind but do we even have that time?

And once your family finds someone for you, what is going to happen to me? I am well aware of the possibility before we started our relationship but it doesn’t make it hurt less. I believe my family raised me well and I have my little milestones as a woman, both in my career and my life. I have lived 28 years to prepare myself for a man like you. I never thought I’d get married but with you, I welcomed the idea.

However, we might not get past the fact that I don’t suit the requirements for your future wife because of where I came from or my belief. My personality and values might as well be pointless.

It seems like continuing our relationship is a suicide for both our hearts because we are bound to get hurt. Still, I have made up my mind to hold onto you for as long as I can. You also gave me hope because you said that even if your family might give you options, you can also choose who you want to spend the rest of your life with.

If you will fight for me then I’ll give you something to fight for. I will have to do more thinking but my heart knows who it belongs to. I might need to leave everything I worked hard for myself and my family behind so I can be with you. The people around me thinks it’s crazy and it is too early to make a decision.

One thing is for sure though, I found my happiness with you. I might do crazy things for that happiness.

[letmefallinlove]

7. Dear Future Ex,

When will it be easier not to expect the messages from you? It hurts that I open my app but the notification is no longer from you. What is happening?

I know sometimes I am not the one replying or messaging but that is because I knew there’s no use. You will still see my message and either you will forget to respond or it will take you forever. It makes me loose my interest but I am still trying.

I guess I will let you do your thing. It seems it won’t be easy accepting the reality we are facing. My heart is hurting missing you. I miss you because you are already far by distance but you are also farther now because of our lack of communication.

I now wished you moved to where I am. We even considered living together even though we know it will be tough if our circumstances hit us in the future. They say everything happens for a reason so I guess what we planned didn’t happen for a reason. What is the reason? I bet we will find out sooner rather than later.

I want an outlet for myself so I can ease the pain. It looks like I will write here what I wish to tell you. In this way, I won’t expect any reply.

I hope I’ll be stronger to fight all the things going through my mind... my doubts, insecurities and what-ifs. I will hold onto your words that you love me a lot and if you feel like going astray, you will tell me. No matter how much it will hurt, I will accept if you decide to let me go and move on. It would be better than doing something hurtful while we are still together. I know you are a man of dignity so I trust your character not to stab me in the back.

Now, I will see you again in a week. Maybe there will be hope for us. But, will you even remember what’s on the 22nd? We are not each other’s first relationship but I’d like to think what we have is way deeper than what we felt before... at least it is for me.

Please come back to me.

Always,

J. (Your panda... as you like calling me)

[letmefallinlove]

6. Dear Future Ex,

I wish I wrote more during our good times. You made my 2018 extra special. But I guess now reality is testing us and although my friends say it’s really a part of relationships, especially long distance ones, we’re now hitting a rocky road.

Since the start of the new year, the change in you was so visible. It made me believe that breaking up or taking a break is what we needed. However, I admire your patience because no matter how many times I brought it up, you are still with me. I might push your buttons to their limits so I am just forcing myself to accept that our communication will be less because you are going through hard times in your life.

I miss you though. I miss our conversations, long calls and I miss the feeling when I receive random messages from you. I told you about this and you try to make it up to me but I’m worried we are just going in circles on this aspect. It’s so painful but I have to understand that things change.

I’m still lucky though because I can feel you do love me. I am not yet loosing hope that there’s a future for us. When other people ask me, I tell them I don’t really know how our future will look like but I confess that in you I saw the man I want to marry. Loving you is dangerous because I might sacrife my career and my family’s wishes just so I get to have the family that I am praying for with you.

I hope you feel the same but I know it’s a long road before we get there. I don’t even know how we will survive what is happening now. I want to at least be there with you while you work on achieving one of your greatest goals in life. It means being with you for more than a year without assurance of our future so I really want to prove to myself that it is worth it.

I know I am overthinking but I also want to protect myself. I already decided to love you no matter what so I won’t have regrets in my life. Still, no matter how strong I try to be, I am missing how we used to be.

I want to feel that you are just there. I am missing that. I am holding onto you but it’s hard when sometimes I don’t feel you. Am I asking too much?

I don’t ask you to tell me where you are or what your plans are for the day. I won’t ask you to report to me like other girlfriends do. I never intervened with your life and how you live it because that’s what you’ve been doing before me. However, sometimes, you seem to forget about me. It might not be intentional but it still hurts. That’s why I asked if you want a break. It turns out you don’t but I really don’t know anymore what to do.

I try to maintain communication but you don’t seem to be as enthusiastic as before. I know you don’t want to end what we have but you are challenging me. I don’t know if you will even care about the small things I want to share with you so I don’t share them at all.

I don’t even call you because I am afraid I will disturb you or worst, get rejected. I don’t attempt things that are likely to hurt me but I hope I am not lacking in telling you that I am just here.

If only I can bring back the man I fell in love with but I guess relationships evolve. It’s now a test if we will still hold on or we’ll let go.

Regardless, I will always love you. I didn’t expect it to be this deep but I’m past any opportunity to turn away from you. I will just be with you for as long as fate allows. I hope you feel how much I truly love you.

Always,

J.

[letmefallinlove]

5. Dear Future Ex,

If only I can, I would like to say “Dear Future Husband” because that’s how I wish to call you in the future. In 3 days, it will be our 6th month together and so many things had happened.

Last year in August, I went to where you are and in September, you went to your home country. It was 2 months of very long distance relationship that had ups and downs. That time I didn’t even know if we’ll make it past 3 months but look where we are now.

When you came back, you went to where I am to see me again and you went back several times after that. We really did miss each other and I appreciate your efforts with all my heart. We had more dates and road trips. Eventually, we realised we love each other deeply. I fell in love with you to the point where I am hoping I can spend the rest of my life with you. People around me saw how happy I am with you. Even those who I haven’t spoken in years messaged me and said they are happy for me. You had that effect on me.

But so much of the “honeymoon” stage in our relationship, it was great while it lasted and now, the distance is testing us. Our communication changed, it became less. I started to wonder if you are getting tired of me, or maybe you became too comfortable with our relationship that you thought I’m okay without hearing from you for some time. I admit, I wondered if maybe there is someone else that you started to like and you are now talking to her instead of me. It was worse if she’s someone who lives closer to you and that she fits the “look” of what you used to date.

My insecurities is playing with the best of me and it is a struggle. I am just average. I have always been so conscious on how I am on the thick side, how my hair was curly so I had it straightened and how I have fair skin being Asian. I am not white, I am not blonde. I didn’t really think I am beautiful so when other people told me so, I just brushed it off.

Yet, you always tell me how pretty I am... how cute I am and how you loved my smile. I wanted to believe it so much and I think I did at some point but with what’s happening between us now, I am starting to doubt again.

There are so many things I want to tell you as the man I love. I want to share stuff like best friends do. But, I understand the start of the year has been difficult for you. You changed but you also explained. I don’t want to doubt you so I will just thank you for telling me what you haven’t told anyone. I know I tested your patience. I wanted the attention you used to give me but I know you are going through tough times.

Still, it is good to see you are living your life where you are. You needed to distract yourself and I only wish, I am there with you physically. I want to be by your side, I want to hug you and let my love ensure you that everything will be alright. I hope you will remember what I always tell you... that I am here for you even if I am faraway. Please remember that I support you and I care for you even if we talk less now.

As much as it hurts, I guess I will give you space, I will let you focus on your priorities. I won’t demand for your attention and I won’t complain anymore when you have seen my message but it still takes you forever to reply. You used to reply straightaway. I miss those days.

But, I love you unconditionally and I will try my best not to add to your problems. I will learn to be selfless. I won’t ask for more because I love you so much that I will gratefully take what you can give me... even if it is a little of your attention and only some of your time.

What you can offer at the moment is enough so I hope, I am also enough. Your loyalty, love, and respect are all I ask.

Always,

J.

[letmefallinlove]

4. Dear Future Ex,

We talked for another good hour today. I really like talking to you, listening about your work and hearing your voice that makes me miss you more.

I wish we can always talk about stuff that are indications that we’ll have a future together. You said that maybe when I’m 40, I’ll get an Audi R8 gift from you. I wondered why would you give that to me when I’m 40 and you’re not my husband at that time? I guess you meant if you became my husband then you’ll give me my dream car but then again, I can’t really hope that far because our reality together is unlikely.

I am probably being so pessimistic now. You might even end up proving me wrong by choosing a future with me. However, I want to keep my head straight and my heart protected.

You are too good to be true. Still, I am risking an uncertain relationship with you because I don’t want to regret if I didn’t give us a shot at all.

So for now, let’s just be happy with the time that we have together.

Always,

J.

[letmefallinlove]

3. Dear Future Ex,

I miss you.

You said it yourself, that two days we had was so beautiful. Now, the distance is making us wish we can go back to that time and be in each other’s arms.

I am craving the comfort and security I felt when you held me. I will not forget when you made sure I was near you when you were talking to your parents. I wanted to give you privacy then because I know no one on both our sides should find out the real score between us. Still, you wanted me beside you that time and I surely appreciate you for that. I will always remember the reassuring smile you gave me.

Babe, I miss your kisses and you caressing my back. It was a really good weekend which might be hard to top but I hope that our next ones will only get better.

I know my heart will also belong to you in no time. I know it’s going to be broken once the reality finally happens but I am hopeful good memories will eventually help me pick up the pieces.

I admit that I thought about not starting anything with you. It only make sense. Why would we start something that is not guaranteed to be forever? While you still have time to enjoy what’s around you, I should be getting ready to find that person I will build a family with and who I will spend the rest of my life with.

However, missing you makes me forget all these worries because the only one I want right now is you. All I can think about is the time when I can be with you again.

Please take care of me while I’m yours and I promise to do the same while you’re mine.

Always,

J.

[letmefallinlove]

2. Dear Future Ex,

It has been a week since we first met in person. Before we met, it came to a point where I told you not to come where I am based anymore but you still drove 9 hours so we could finally meet.

At first it was awkward but I warmed up to you. And, let’s just say that you were right, we really have a strong connection.

You made me feel what I have been craving from my previous relationship. Because of you, I got over that faster than if you weren’t in the picture. However, what I liked the most about you is that you showed me that as a woman, I deserved to be treated right by a man.

In fact, it was a lot of effort and a long trip for you back and forth but you stay true to your word. You brought me a present even though you technically don’t know me yet. You held my hand while walking in the park. We talked for a long time about the future even though we both know it’s unlikely to happen. We laughed, we went on a date and we hugged each other tight. But above all, you celebrated your birthday with me.

You made me feel so special and I am happy to know that it was a great weekend for you as it was for me. I will not forget our first weekend together and although our time together has an expiration date (realistically), I will enjoy knowing that you are mine and I am yours for the time being.

Till our next weekend together.

Always,

J.

[letmefallinlove]

1. Dear Future Ex,

Today I decided to start a blog so I will always remember the good times we had and will have.

We started talking a month ago and we officially started our relationship one week ago. You are slowly but surely becoming a huge part of my life. What we have is not yet love but I am pretty sure we’ll get there.

We have one problem though. It is our reality.

We came from very different backgrounds. Our culture and religion are both in different ends of the spectrum. You are also a few years younger than me and let’s not forget, we live in different states. We knew it’s going to be a long distance relationship but we still gave “us” a chance. So now even though our future together has a slim chance to be a happily ever after, I am choosing to fall in love with you.

You might be my future ex but I am sure what we have now is bound to be a good one until we have to face reality.

Till then, let me love you freely.

Always,

J.