Testimony of a Former Concubine
Concubine - an unmarried women in extramarital affairs with a man, typically for financial reasons.
God has pulled me out of that lifestyle, He has pulled me out of it by teaching me many valuable lessons. Those lessons have broken me down to my fundamental being and have built me back up into a woman who can look herself into the mirror and be satisfied with her choices.
I still feel the aches from that breakdown, but it was necessary. Like rebreaking a bone that didn't heal probably, setting it in a cast, and allowing it to heal correctly.
I am now married and am building up my marriage with my husband with the lessons I have learned.
I would like to teach what I have learned, so I can help others out there. I want to change our culture so this stops happening. I want our women to be cherished, loved, and respected.
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I believe we need to firstly fundamentally change what marriage means in our culture, what relationships signify.
Relationships should be based on love through friendships, family, and in marriage. Love conquers all, it is the gold amongst the ashes and asphalt. Love must be the foundation.
Love is not a business transaction. It is the well-meaning, intentional thoughts and actions you put toward the people around you.
1 Corinthians 13 is a perfect guide to this.
A marriage cannot be for financial gain.
Money can't hug you through the night. Money won't wipe your tears. Money will not respect you or treat you right.
The truth of the matter is, is that a man you date for his riches will not respect or honor you. He's 100% aware of why you're there and he will subconsciously or consciously treat you as such accordingly. He's not an idiot, he's aware. Even if he marries you, he will not see you as a person but as a doll. Dolls are replaceable.
There is a reason why these men divorce their wives in their 30s or 40s. They aged out. They want someone who looks pretty again, who they will then replace again once the time comes.
They will treat you horribly. They will date other women, they will probably physically abuse you, and they will probably also sexually abuse you. They know you won't leave because of your dependence on their wealth. You're allured and attached to the comforts of the lifestyle. Your identity is wrapped up in it. So the very threat of losing access to it keeps you there.
You deserved to be watered as the delicate, beautiful flower you are. You deserved to be well-taken care of, doted on, and cherished. You deserve to be considered thoughtfully about, to be loved deeply, and to matter. You deserved to be heard and respected as his only living wife, as the only mother of his kids, and as the only respected feminine head of the household for years and years to come. You deserve to hold his hand in old age as you two take care of each other in a love that has aged like wine. A love so rare it only comes through decades of teamwork, conversations, and hard understandings brought through many difficult discussions.
That is the beauty of love, of dedication, and of marriage under the right intention. If you two truly love each other, you will both figure out the financial situation, together.
You have to be okay with working with your hands. You have to be okay with the idea of struggle, of strain, and of work. You have to be okay with looking disheveled, you have to be okay with the dirt and grime of everyday life. You have to also be okay with disappointing others.
Because that's your freedom. Freedom of imprisoning standards and wanting validation.
This is your life. Do yourself justice, no one else will live this for you.
Learn how to fly or you'll be stuck in the cage.
Find an honorable man. Pray to God. He will help you find one. Find a man that not only speaks about his also follows them. Do not look for wealth, look for character. The most principled business people only work with those in long lasting marriages. It shows loyalty and integrity. Character is the key, you can go so far with that. Let him show his real face to you, and if you do not like that face, leave.
Look for integrity. Look for a man who thinks about his impact on the world, a man who does the due diligence with his heart and soul to better himself. You should also do that. Reflect on yourself and your actions. Make the effort to be a net positive in the world.
Don't be afraid to change the culture.
Protect each other. Love each other. Let's push forward together.
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