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18/Self-defined nerd/NY Movies/TV/Reading/Love/Music Fun/Spring/Photography/Obsessions/FOOD

[faultinourstarsmovie]

One note = one vote. Like or reblog to vote for your state! Go New York! http://thefaultinourstarsmovie.com/demandourstars 

[letsmakeourpiecesfit]

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[letsmakeourpiecesfit]

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[letsmakeourpiecesfit]

To all of my psych textbooks which recommend CBT in treating depression:

As someone who was recommended CBT in treating my adolescent depression, you should know that telling someone who is depressed that the way they think (about life, emotions and the world) is wrong doesn't exactly make you relatable to that person.  When my psychiatrist explained CBT to me, they told me that my depression was likely caused by a problem in the way I think and that if I can change the way I think, I'll feel better. Of course to a depressed person who has dangerously low self-confidence and already hates herself, telling them that something as seemingly uncontrollable as the way they think is wrong makes them feel even worse.

Nearly every psych textbook I've read recently has recommended CBT as a treatment for depression especially in adolescents, but I think they should note that even if depression is caused/related to an issue in cognition and treating this can help them, telling someone this could do more harm than help.  I felt like my psychiatrist was blaming me for my depression more than I felt like he sympathized or wanted to help.  I know his intentions were good as he just wanted me to get better, but at the time, it felt like victim blaming and belittling of my emotions.

Wish I could explain this to my psych professors without having to explain my history.

[letsmakeourpiecesfit]

Cried for the first time during a quiz today because I pretty much tanked it.  I studied so hard, and I can't believe how badly I must've done because I didn't fill out several and I made up answers for half. This semester is all kinds of rough, and I'm not a fan.

[letsmakeourpiecesfit]

I just really can't do anything right now.

Have you ever felt impotent? And powerless? And like no matter what you do or how you do it, you'll do the same? I feel like no matter how hard I try I'll either get a B or I'll just totally tank everything.  I have so much work to do, no motivation to do it, and low prospects of success. I am so sick of not being rewarded for the effort I put in.

All I want to do is scream and shout and be emotional and feel what I feel, but I can't because I have no time, and no one can support me. I feel so stressed and angry and frustrated and sad that I just want to break a table or a TV or my laptop, and of course I can't do any of these things.

Yes, sometimes when I get emotional I yell, but the alternative is far worse. In high school, whenever I'd get sad or upset, I'd put on a smile until I got home where I'd act passive aggressively toward my mom, and wait until I got in bed at night to cry.  It took me a long time to come to a point where I didn't bottle up my emotions and pretend they weren't there.  Now, my friend always gets frustrated with me when I yell when I'm upset or mad because I embarrass him. Even when we are completely alone, he's embarrassed by my emotions. It took me so long to get to a point where I could acknowledge that I had feelings other than happiness that I hate that he tries to make me feel bad for expressing my emotions. Sure, yelling and screaming aren't great and don't look good to other people, but if that's the way I choose to express my emotions and the only way I know how, then I don't really feel sorry.  I can't let the judgments of other people get in the way of my mental health and sanity, and honestly, if someone is going to judge me for being loud, screw them, they would judge me no matter what.

[letsmakeourpiecesfit]

The average depressive episode last 18 months...

The next 18 months aren't looking too hot.

[letsmakeourpiecesfit]

I also know that it's super lame for me to be depressed because I have so many things going for me. I have a house, a job, a boyfriend, friends, a sorority, a supportive family and I go to a top 20 school. But I can't help feeling absolutely awful most of the time. I hate that I always invalidate my depression, but I know that most people have it so much worse than me that I should appreciate the amazing life I have.

[letsmakeourpiecesfit]

Depression hurts, can anything help?

So I know that I'm depressed again, and I know that it's going to get worse again because my depression follows a pattern. But this time I feel like nothing will help at all.  The medications they use to treat depression interact badly with alcohol, which is an important part of a college student's life, and I don't want to be on a medication anyway. I also smoke to try to self-soothe, but I don't know how that interacts with medication either, as there is likely little/no research on the subject.

I just get so little pleasure out of the things I used to like, and it's hurting those around me who I care most about. I just don't feel good about anything anymore and I don't think anything will make me happy again. I don't foresee any future where I'll truly be happy in what I do.

The only thing that makes me feel better is helping other people feel better, but even that isn't enough right now. I really need something or someone who can make everything okay, but I'm too afraid to reveal myself to my friends for fear that they'll judge me, or worse, that they won't be able to help.

I've already tried talking to my boyfriend about this, and he's getting frustrated because my depression is rubbing off on him and he just wants me to be happy. He's the only person at school who knows I struggle with depression and that I'm struggling right now, and he's going abroad next semester, and we've already planned to break up.  He feels like I keep pushing him away, and he's right. I'm pushing him away because I'm so scared of how awful I'm going to feel next semester.

I used to self-harm and have suicidal thoughts in high school, and I really don't want to go back into that place because I worked so hard to overcome those feelings. I hate feeling this way, and I just wanted to vent about this. Damn I wish there was a happy pill I could just take when I started feeling sad as a PRN.

[letsmakeourpiecesfit]

Do you ever just give up on trying?

I've just completely lost my motivation to do any and all of my homework lately. I have no desire to do work at all, which isn't exactly conducive to the massive amounts of work I have to do these next two weeks.

[letsmakeourpiecesfit]

I am such an emotional rollercoaster right now.

[vandyfuckups-blog-deactivated20]

WHEN YOU SEE PEOPLE CLEARLY SNAPCHATTING IN CLASS

[earthandanimals]

College should be FREE. ALL Education should be free. Education is one of the KEY components to life. Why make someone who wants to do their very best with what they love be so stressed about doing so? Like damn. Give students a break.

[letsmakeourpiecesfit]

Four years older, four thousand times stronger than I could have imagined.

All I can say is that it got better, and that I'm so glad to be alive.

[letsmakeourpiecesfit]

This semester

Has been a conglomerate of identity crises. I have no idea what I'm going to do with my life or my major. I feel like this fear consumes so much of my time and energy because I'm just so worried that I'll fail at what I do, that I won't like it, or that I'll change my mind like I usually do. On top of that, my body image has gone so far downhill compared to where it was last year. I am so concerned about the way my stomach looks, and I'm so paranoid about having an eating disorder (this fear stemming from the years of lectures and talks in all-girls school about the prevalence of eating disorders and the way they change your life).  I just feel so stressed all the time and to counteract it, I go out of my way to do the typical things college students do to relax, but I don't have the time to be doing them.  I don't know what I value more: academic excellence and the motivation to do well or having a balanced life and happiness (ish). I feel like it's too late to change my grades for this semester or to drastically change majors.  On top of all the stress from school, this time of year is always really difficult for me because of my history with it. I know I'll work all of this out in the near future, but right now the above stuff is bothering me.

[letsmakeourpiecesfit]

You know things aren't going well when you're crying in a library at 3am.

[whatshouldbetchescallme]

When I try to cut out carbs

[letsmakeourpiecesfit]

#kforp is really really rough