Untitled

well hello there! my name is iris! I'm a small streamer who has started to blog her journey in forms of an open diary here on Tumblr. if your interested, my Twitch is letsplaywithiris my profile (on here) and back ground is done By the beautiful and talented @nothomegal

[letswritewithiris]

Fanfic writers.

I love fanfictions as much as the next person does. Especially on wattpad, it has been the soul purpose of my good mental health since I was Younger. Giving me a platform to post and read from both cringy authors and down right, gut wrenching talent.

BUT can we PLEASE stop labeling our "fanfictions" AS A FANFICTION if you're simply going to turn a charecter that has already existed into your own, original charecter?? Removing EVERY recognisable trait from them and making them completely different.

I know baby authors do it completely out of learning how to write and how to embody a charecter which, can also be tied down to them being young. I've done it myself too - especially if the chatecter is toxic. Small changes like that, which would he aimed at the MC is fine ( in my opinion ) but I'm talking about The BIG ones that make you look at your screen and face palm yourself. E.g a once loyal charecter completely Betrays family, friends or a group they are in for a selfish reason.

OR, a post I will be touching on in a different time. But penny wise ( for the slasher / horror lovers ) diet. Which I mean, some people do make it work it depends how well you can Add it in. So it's touch and go.

But my FINAL straw is when the book is promoted to be aimed as a x ( character ) only to have ONE chapter with them and the rest where they aren't together because it's simply about the movie plot and less about the X ( charecter ) LIKE WHAT?! IM NOT READING FOR THE WORLD AROUND IT IM READING A X ( CHARECTET )

😭 I'm sorry it just REALLY gets me. I have to stop reading it, and sob because the plot was good up until it goes down will.

[letswritewithiris]

Doubted capability.

Lately, I was doubting my Capability to be a streamer. Not because of the Number of Viewers who watch me. But because of the Type of content that I put out there.

I have never been good at Gaming, even when I was younger the talent was never there. Though, The only good Thing I was able to do was sit down and play some Black ops 3 zombies for hours with my older brother. That was about it. Any PVP game I was always bad at doing.

I had the talking bit down, communicating with my friends and the random people that I played with. So when I did start streaming, it only took me a few days to get into the swing of things. Thankfully.

But now as I'm streaming longer and going through the Trenches of getting no follows (after getting a boost of Follows.) And struggling to keep my Viewers interest. I'm wondering if I have what it takes to be a streamer Full time.

I love and have a Large Bit of passion for streaming. And I'm so greatful for the people who do stick around and watch my streams. They make me laugh, cry and Lagg when they do Nice things for me. E.g Subbing, bits and tipping.

So last night I took a Big Step back and Watched some of the youtubers I used to watch when I was a child. It made me feel so determined to still push past it. That the first year of streaming will never be easie. It takes a lot of Consistancy. Behind the scenes work. And much more to grow on Any platform. As well as Growing and finding new ways to improve.

But now, as I'm writing this. I'm wondering if it was more being insecure about what I stream? Or maybe it's the way (sometimes) I completely forget to engage with my viewers to actively hook them in. I only do that with Over watch. Dead by Daylight I've gotten so used to Saving doing gens and looping while talking and ranting about stuff.

It's so enjoyable, and fun. But I do like to Stream a lot of games. Find people in that Fandom.

But at the end of the day I know I have this bad Habit of Pushing myself down. And when I do enjoy something instead of liking it I end up despising it. And eventually I stop doing it all together.

But if anything. My followers is the only reason I will never stop. I refuse to let them down ❤️ I'm so thankful for each and every one of them.

Twitch - letsplaywithiris

Thank you for reading!!! -iris

[letswritewithiris]

Is there any other streamer out there who feels awkward with their family members knowing about their streams?

I have my siblings and father told that I stream. But I certainly never gave then my channel or socials names. I don't like the idea of them seeing that side of me. Even when 99% of the time. They hear it through the walls.

It's like my streams and discord Is my happy and safe place. I don't like the idea of giving it up.

If my family knew of it. It certainly would be.

Not that they wouldn't be supportive because they would be! But still. It all just feels wrong and different.

But today, I did Add some Alert boxes to my stream, I've made sure to Dig up some overlays that I will use eventually. And when it comes to it. Have goals up on screen.

I am streaming through my PlayStation. So my options are extremely limited unfortunately. But I'm making the best out of my situation!!!

Twitch: letsplaywithiris

[letswritewithiris]

I was streaming today. I had to take an involentary break because of some stuff happening. But I physically didn't have the energy to Talk to my viewers. So I put on "subscriber only mode." And "emote only."

Whilst also turning off my mic. I didn't want to Not produce something because I would have been Disapionting some of my viewers who would have been looking forward to watching my streams and vibing with me.

But my energy always tends to Swoop too low when it comes to family buisness. And honestly I don't want my viewers to be affected by anything of the sorts.

My motto is my streams is nothing but a safe space for my followers/ lurkers or someone just popping in to have a look at what is happening in what ever category I'm Playing in the moment // night.

I don't like or even want to truama dump on them considering I have no idea what they could possibly be going through. What situations/ talk could trigger a traumatic response or even memory that they aren't ready to work through. Or is attempting to get help on.

So I've decided to keep some distance from my streams. Not that I have the physical energy to go along with anything. Cleaning is only Being done because it's what helps me Cope when situations get tough.

It's always something light that I would usually despise like, cleaning dishes or Scrubing the Countors.

But anyway.

For the first time I played "black out." dead by Daylight. It definitely was terrifying. More when I went up against a some what silent killer and not one that I could predict was coming. E.g sound queues or a baby killer. Who is still trying to get used to playing as one.

But it was definitely enjoyable. If I was to have more energy I would stream it for a long time.

- iris

[letswritewithiris]

Streaming when someone is sick

So my sister has Covid. I share a room with her and ironically I've never caught it. I don't know how, I don't care to know how. I just know. I never got it.

But yesterday's stream I was very Quiet.

Imagine Streaming in a room with someone who is sick? Talking and trying to keep your energy up while entertaining others. It's extremely hard.

I didn't want to make her worse (sore head) and honestly I would have felt a lot worse if I did.

So today I've decided to just Turn emote only chat on and stream without my mic on. It may be more or less entertaining, I'm not fully sure. I just know that until my sister has better health, I physically can't do it to her.

If anyone has been sick you understand that anything and everything could possibly Irritate you. I know for me, when I'm sick. I need complete quietness.

So if I was in her shoes and my sister was streaming and making a lot of noise. It's safe to say I would be more of a bitch.

[letswritewithiris]

Monday's Draft

I did my first stream today after giving myself a week off Streaming. It was Amazing to say the least.

I felt more connected with my viewers, lighter and just more fun to talk too. I held onto them for a lot longer then when I was burnt out - so that was a massive plus for me.

But the biggest thing I enjoyed was Actually feeling nice when I was streaming. I didn't feel like crap when I pressed the live button. It just was the best thing ever. I also got a sub today, it just felt so nice.

And in present time, I got another sub and a tip. Which for me is a huge deal. I'm depending on a lot of generous people just to Afford my Gaming Equipment whilst I wait to actually get a job.

So when someone does it. It makes me feel - all soft. I could almost cry too.

( but then I feel horrible because I question if they could possibly Need that money. )

My struggle at the moment with my Throne is, everything is expensive. Because most of the stuff I would need help Getting, would be nearly a thousand euros. I do want to let everyone know that I am looking for a job and will 100% buy one out of my own pocket when I can. But being unemployed, means I need the help.

So when my viewers want to get me stuff and look at my Throne and sees just how expensive it is. It breaks my heart. (I do have crowd Funding enabled.) Just a little easier on my stress and everyone else's too.

But does anyone else have that problem? Where they know They need the help but can't physically accept it, even when they asked for it.

It could just be me.

[letswritewithiris]

I know that this is Usually for my Twitch. But I though I would share the Prolgue of my Book. Something small to show what the book would look like. I'm honestly not sure what direction this book is going.

But so far I like it.

You can find it on wsttpad - letswritewithiris

Warning : contains Mental health, Mental institution. Bad Grammer usage, bad spelling.

Mental institution [ 11:45am ] Tuesday, 19 of October.

"Clara." The Nurse smoothed. As the heavy door Creacked open. Her Ginger hair catching the speaks of light.

My eyes smooth against the Room. The window seemed more interesting then what she had to say. I could predict it. My parents wanted me to stay in here longer.

Trapped in slip free Socks. With Handles rounded, the door With a large window carved on the metal. The window with bars on the outside. Not that I would be able to open it.

There was no latch, and no way to break it.

I could swear it was made from plastic.

"You're parents are Discharging you today." The Nurse, Said.

Almost instantly my Ears Perked. That meant I would have Better Quality food then Flavourless mash. Then Meat that tasted identical to cardboard.

"When will they pick me up?" I Slide forward. Eyes glisting as my Fingers Balled the Paper like sheets.

The nurses eyes soften. "They won't." She murmrmerd. "I believe you're uncle will be collecting you."

[letswritewithiris]

The life of a Streamer

When I was younger I never understood how expensive all the big fancy Streaming equipment was.

The only thing I saw was videos I loved to watch, a community that was amazingly Built. With morals like no other. And just Down right amazing Energy.

It's hard for me to fathom that they are able to do all that. The YouTubers writing Scripts - making sure their Upload schedule is Followed to perfection. And they work Overload to make sure there is videos posted when they are on holiday.

While I did appreciate their Efforts and work. It Just feels Different when you go through it. And understand the feeling. I now have a different type of respect for them.

(Off topic but it's the same feeling when you try to write your own book. You feel the frustrations, the Burn out and the sadness all at once. They truly are amazing. Content creating is something that should never be Taken lightly.)

Now that I'm a streamer myself, who is Starting off on Console, I'm only realising that All the equipment and games costs money. And with the price of living Everything is so expensive. It's just so hard to grow when you're constantly worried about how the quality of the stream is.

And for me, who's hoping to make streaming / content creating my full time job. It's so stressful.

But the feeling at the end of the day is always worth it.

Now onto my actual topic "Twitch and Doniations."

I actually really think that so many streamers deserve so much more then what they actually get. For a lot of people, streaming is what they do for a living. And they have to depend on the subs, bits, tips, donations.

I am in the category that I need some forms of help.

So with that being said. I would like to Post my "throne" on here. For everyone who doesn't know that that is. It's basically a place where you can get all my wishlist links, and have the actual Opportunity to follow me on my thrown Etc.

Check out my Throne Check out my Throne Wishlist: https://throne.com/letsplaywithiris

(Don't feel as if you have to buy or even look at it! I just wanted to share it here as I've already posted it in my discord / Twitch bio etc.)

[letswritewithiris]

I don't understand why Tumblr Has to be so confusing. Like why can't apps be simple like they used to be. Click a button it brings you here and that's it?

Click the like Button on this and BAM it's all good? Like come on. I'm sorry but I'm 18 feeling like my mother - trying to find The like button on Facebook when she lost her glasses. That where very obviously on top of her head the whole time.

[letswritewithiris]

"Burn out is the worst."

I know I technically already Wrote about Burn out in one of my other posts. But I still feel as if I need to talk about it.

There was a lot of things I prepared for going into streaming. Hate comments, lack of motivation. I even prepared for It to take me a Year to get up to ten followers. But, three months later with 119 followers and Burn out that's thicker then my win streak on Over watch 2. I realise that Burn out is my biggest enemy.

It's the worst, I hate it so much. And I find that one day breaks don't help me. I feel as though every time I pick up my controller to play. I need to actively stream. I can't just Play for nearly 3 hours straight and not Do something with that time.

In my eye's I could meet new people and build my community up. Especally on Sundays.

So I started to stream all week, for 2 hours. Rather then my Usual 6 hour stream.

And now that I am taking my week off Streaming it feels like my body has completely Been zapped of all it's energy. Mentally I can feel in not ready for stream either. But I'm still so Active on my Discord. Talking to people, fixing bots. Adding Bots.

I've been trying to keep somewhat active on my streaming break, because while My streams Did Drain me over constant Communication with others and no break. I feel like it would be such a waste of time for me to do absolutely nothing.

My Discord and Twitch deserves nothing but the best quality and whilst my Technology Skills are horrible. I am working day and night to improve them. For my followers // chat to have the time of their lives Talking with me.

Does anyone have any tips for Burn out? How to prevent it from happening as quick or to just not feel as tired?

- iris!

[letswritewithiris]

Follow for follow on Twitch?

Is it just me or does follow for follow seem to somehow Creep it's way into (some) not all Big streamers Discords / Twitch Comment section? I never really understood why people did it.

The follow count can go up pretty quickly. But in my opinion, the bond between viewer and Content creator doesn't. The person who's behind the screen watching is only doing it for personal gain not because they genuinely didn't like the streamer. And that's so heart breaking to me. Considering most people who only start off would love to see their follow count go up. But the views stay low. And pretty quickly the hope to continue streaming dwindles along with it.

I would much rather keep my follow count down at 10 then have a 10k people follow me. But have no real supports. If my 10 people enjoy coming in and watching me then that's what I would rather have.

Another question I Had is if the streamers knew that it was follow for follow? Or does it happen so gradually they don't even realise?

What's your opinion on it? It's something that I've really thought about the last few months / days. personally I am very against it. But I want to make it super clear that what people do in their own chat and with their own channel is complete up to them! Everyone grows in their own way and learns in different forms. So no hate to anyone who has done it, or is doing it!!

I hope you enjoy my Little rant!!! -iris

[letswritewithiris]

I never just wrote something before. It either was a fanfiction or an original project of mine. But today I was A little Stressed with getting creative when it came to streaming that I decided. Views or no views, I would share it on Tumblr. As a type of "open diary." Type thing.

So for context I'm "letsplaywithiris." On Twitch. I was prior "iris_222333." But the numbers just irritated me the longer I Stared at it. It had to go, and I'm thinking about changing it again in the future to something like. "Iristheirish." But that's besides the point. I'm rambling now ;-; I knew I couldn't be trusted Writing one of these things. I physically don't know what I'm doing.

I started streaming around two months ago, with only one really good friend Watching me. But a month or two before hand, I was thinking about attempting to somehow make streaming my full time job. I love gaming despite being absolutely horrible at it. It was only now. Around three months into it. I have 119? I'm not too sure the number I will have to Link the photo in at the end, followers. All are amazing and just down right great company. But I find, the more I do it. The more it's feeling more real. I'm begining to feal the creative burnout. I was streaming from Monday to Sunday at one point which never helps anyone especally when your doing 6 Hour streams each. So now I find myself taking a weeks break.

One I most definitely need. Looking back At the VODS I realised // saw my views decline. But most importantly it was the fact that I stopped communicating with my audience. My voice wasn't as bubbly and welcoming as it usually was. And for me that was my number one issue. The fact that new and old people popping in wasn't feeling as welcomed as I usually Made them feel. And that was the absolute worst feeling ever. I know I can't make everyone comfortable, on top of wanting streaming to be my career I genuinely want to build a community / safe space for everyone to enjoy themselves. With the exception their adults in the discord and Twitch. The topics are way to unhinged for underage People to be apart of the community unfortunately.

Underage people would have to be a different Post, for a different day though.

Thank you for reading!

- iris

[letswritewithiris]

Who ever thought setting up a twitch account to stream was hard, was so right. I've just recently started to stream on Twitch. (Mainly horror games.) And thought the hole process would have been Easie. But I was proven so wrong - like what is the need?