I wanted to say so much. I forgot what and how to put it. After blogging for almost 5 months, i never thought of making a new blog, until a little while ago. I felt guilty when i refused to move back home. You even offered that you'll take me to school or wherever and fetch me. But i didnt want to. I dont like to live with everybody there, at least not right now. I have a lot of negative feelings when im in that house. I cant even call it a home. With my sisters fighting every once in awhile, saying things that hurt. I feel like they dont want me there. My aunt always murmuring, her negativity just sticks to me. And when papa gets on my nerves sometimes. I dont like feeling angry and sad all the time.
The only reason i really come home every weekend is because of you. I miss you. And right now, i miss hugging you. I feel bad that you have to go through all the trouble because of me. I dont want you to keep on thinking of ways to make it everyday. If you didnt know it yet, the last time i moved back home and left the dorm was because i felt guilty that i was getting what i want (living in the dorm). It wasnt because i cant stand being alone in the dorm. But for now, i guess the will to be here, away from all the bad vibes is greater than my conscience, my guilt, my being away from you.
And besides, all that negativity affects my studies. The whole day i was at home i didnt make any progress. I believe i could have finished all my requirements if i stayed in the dorm. I know you may think its just an excuse, but its not.
I have a lot to say to momy but i just cant say it out loud. So maybe for now, ill say it here. And one day you'll be able to read this. By then you'll understand. And by then, maybe these feelings would have subsided. We could laugh about this or we could cry about it. Whatever happens, i know ill always be glad to have this, to be able to share it with my mom. My thoughts, my feelings, even if they're a little late.