I don't know what to do. I feel so tired lately, and I am starting to feel like this distance thing will never end. You don't seem to mind it, but maybe I do. After basically 3 years of long distances and dozens of good byes, I want something longer lasting than a four day get together. I want to wake up on a random day of the week and roll over to your face hidden beneath a pillow to block out the morning light, and know that in three days you aren't going to be 300 or 5000 miles away again. With everything that has happened in the last year I want to be able to get hugs from you and give them freely in return. To not have to text you news but tell you face to face when you come home. To have you come visit me at the coffee shop where I work and pick me up to take me to your place or our place or no place in particular. To not feel like the good bye time bomb is always ticking above our heads; always feeling rushed to get conversations over with because I have to try and cram 3 months worth of face to face conversation into 24-72 hours. Never enough time in a day to just be with you. We have to do so much when we are together that I can't properly enjoy just having you there. I never feel settled because in 4 days I have to pack up my bags and leave; just when I get a routine down. Knowing that when you go to Guam you will miss out on lots of things that I think of as important. Very important. And the worst part is that I can't do anything. I am helpless to even ask that you stay, because it is a futile conversation. You know it, I know it. And that is the hardest thing about this lifestyle. Everyone thinks that because I am independent when it comes to most of my lifestyle choices that I am automatically okay with you never being here. But that is the opposite of how I feel. I am not independent when it comes to you. I let them think that it is okay because to admit otherwise would mean having to feel emotions I don't want to expose to air. I know we are young and I am not saying I want marriage or even a proposal at this point. Geez I am only 19 almost 20, but I do want to have a physical relationship with you. People say that you can have a digital relationship (computers, skype, texting, facebook, phone calls, etc.), but I believe that a physical relationship is what makes it a true relationship. Not even sex or anything that involves it, but just physically getting to be close to the person you love. Whether that is holding hands while watching t.v, so walking down a sidewalk in the city after dinner. Or working out together, swimming in a pool, or getting drunk in a movie theater and having to carry you out. All of those things didn't involve sex or any kind of intercourse, but they did involve physical proximity. And that is the main thing that I want. I want you here, in the flesh. So I can finally celebrate a holiday, a birthday, an anniversary, any special day, in person. Not a phone call that lasts for an hour, but a physical celebration while the event is happening and NOT 3 months after one important day and 1 month before the next one. No one in their right mind would ever want to date some one in the military. So honey be glad that I am not in my mind right now, I am in my heart and it loves you more than any brain could ever comprehend.
gummygunk
origamiaround
turnnoffyourmind
2087
germansingergirl
stormborns
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