Okay, so- hey, hey! Stop with the screaming, youâre gonna wake people up! Shut up! If I wanted you dead, youâd be dead. Listen for a minute, already.
I was just minding my own-
I am so serious right now. If you wake Bob up, you wonât like what I do. Heâs not young, these days, he needs his rest.
Anyway. I was minding my own business. I was a fairly young mimic, Iâd just really sort of settled into my first good morph. When youâre really young, freshly spawned, you sort of rotate through things, and you donât quite get it right, most of the time.
Itâs like learning how to walk for people, I think. Youâre small, you donât quite know what youâre doing⌠itâs a whole thing.
And I went chair. Now, thatâs very exciting. Chairs arenât a common mimic morph. For whatever reason- the gods? who knows?- most mimics end up containers. Trunks, chests, drawers, wardrobes, I had a cousin who was a barrel.
Chair, though, thatâs good, though. No barbarian is gonna poke through your insides looking for loose change if youâre a good sturdy wooden chair. You might get sat on, but, heck, weâre pretty sturdy as a species. No big deal. And, honestly, easier to get some food.
Wha- no, we donât eat people. We donât eat flesh, thatâs gross. We absorb magic. Itâs why we tend to spawn in dungeons, lots of magic there. Though I pity the poor mimic clans that end up in a necromancer dungeon. Ugh.
Most adventurers have magic items on them, you absorb a little energy and get sat on for a bit, no big deal, easy meal. And you get a little variety in your diet, win for everybody.
Sure, we kill people from time to time. But let me ask you this: If you were just at home, minding your own business, and some big guy with no neck bristling with swords came along, bust into your house, walked into your room, and reached into one of your orifices to find valuables, you might take averse to that, donât you think? Itâs not like people donât know about mimics. Take a little care, you know?
Anyway, I was still pretty young. Iâd just settled into my morph. And this guy comes along and, you guessed it, no neck, bristling with swords. And he claps eyes on me and just stops, and stares, and I was like- kinda panicking, right? Iâm thinking I messed up the morph, and heâs clocked me and now Iâm gonna have to fight this guy.
And then he nudges his buddy and says âHey, hey Jim, ainât that the most beautiful chair youâve ever seen in your life?â
And Jimâs like âyeah itâs a nice chair so what?â and Bob- thatâs the guy with no neck- he says âno, look at it! itâs gorgeous!â
I tell you, if I coulda blushed, Iâd have been cherry red from top to bottom. When you first start to settle into a morph, you feel a little self-conscious, you know? Youâre just starting to figure yourself out, and someone comes along and just says the nicest things. And he went on for a while. I was so flattered, best day of my life, aside from my first spawning.
Jim says âwell just bring the damn thing! we have shit to do!â so Bob does! Just picks me up and straps me to his back, and off we went.
And I went lots of interesting places, met some interesting people. I even ended up doing the watch at night a couple of times. Because Jim, sometimes he has this thing where he just falls asleep, he canât help it, itâs not his fault. I had to help them out a couple of times. I was fond of the guy, you know? And most mimics donât get to be part of adventuring parties, itâs just not done, so it was really neat to feel like I was a part of things.
Jim and Bob and their buddy Wade, they end up saving the kingdom, and they all go their separate ways. Bob went back to his home village- thatâs here- bought a building, put me in the middle, and said âthis is gonna be my tavernâ. He hangs up his magical weapons around the bar- donât bother with that, buddy, that glass is tougher than your ax, I promise.
Anyway, Iâve got plenty to eat. I even spawned a couple of times, helped fill out the place. I figure, save him a little money, I start my own clan, and thereâs plenty of ambient magic to go around, the place is lively, better than some manky old dungeon any day, right?
Bob, he never quite figured it out. I think Jim was onto me, but Bob- heâs not bright. But heâs just the nicest guy, you know? Heâs always got a kind word for someone. Heâll give you the shirt off his back. If you show up here hungry with no money, he feeds you, and often heâll make sure you get some place to sleep and a job, if youâre looking. Everybody loves Bob.
And I really like people, thatâs something I figured out about myself. I like the atmosphere here, too, thereâs always new stories to hear. Iâve learned a lot, over the years, Iâll tell you what.
Now Bob, heâs not young anymore, and his kids well- theyâre not the adventuring sort, as I think you have already sussed out. But they donât need to fight, you know? Thatâs not the kinda life they need to lead.
So, bearing all that in mind, hereâs the deal. You got two options. One- put everything down- nice and easy, mind- and leave, lock the door behind you, and this never happened. No harm, no foul.
Or⌠you can find out just how many times Iâve spawned.
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