TW

Lexie or whatever you are all valid! 🤍

[lexieanson5]

hello. i saw your sweet messages. i am finally ready to give an update: as you can see, i „failed“ my attempt. i currently am in a mental hospital for god knows how long. thank you for everything. i love you <3

[lexieanson5]

20.08.2021

Goodbye

today is the day. finally.

[poison0us-thoughts]

[lexieanson5]

03.08.2021

Useless

i am used to being the second choice.

i am used to never being talked to.

i am used to not having friends.

i am used to all of this.

i am so used to it that it doesn’t even hurt anymore.

because they’ll soon be used to me not being there completely.

[lexieanson5]

26.07.2021

i definitely don’t deserve her.

[lexieanson5]

21.07.2021

Hate

i want to tear my skin and crawl out of it

everything is so worthless

why do i exist?

[lexieanson5]

currently eating low cal pudding with vodka

[lexieanson5]

20.07.2021

Help.

i want to fuck1ng eat everything. everything everything everything everything everything.

why why why why why

help.

[lexieanson5]

18.07.2021

Thoughts

thinking about all the different kind of pills i have at home.

what would help me the most right now?

[lexieanson5]

16.07.2021

All time low

passed out today

while pushing the very last rest out of my stomach

i couldn’t stop, even at my worst

why am i alive

[lexieanson5]

i failed.

[lexieanson5]

13.07.2021

Caring

isnt it funny that no one actually cares?

they don’t care unless they *need* to care.

and that really hurts

but who cares?

[lexieanson5]

12.07.2021

Permission to die for

almost got my permission denied to acquire my driver’s license because of my mental health issues.

since i already tried more than one time to unalive myself they thought i would drive right into my death.

fair point i guess.

glad i lied my way out of this one.

[lexieanson5]

12.07.2021

Rescue

i said i would wait till 12am. then it’ll all be over. never again i would need to worry about anything because ill be gone by 12am.

but the warrior in me stopped me. jumped in, in the right moment.

i got saved by myself once again, but i don’t know if i should be thankful.

[lexieanson5]

11.07.2021

Drowning

I am so close to selfh@rm again.

Everything feels dizzy and the urges are getting so strong

I dont want to break my streak. Its been nearly 6 months.

The blade lies next to me.

I look at it with passion in my eyes.

But i know it’s forbidden territory.

Still, one exception doesn’t count, does it?

[lexieanson5]

11.07.2021

Resistance

I dont know what to do

I sit here not being able to move

what shall I do?

The fight goes on in my head

i try to resist but the voice has gone mad

if you ever look for me

you‘ll find me in my grave

‘cause my ed tells me to behave.

[lexieanson5]

i start crying as soon as i open my eyes