imperfect princesa

Recovery my dear

[lexieventi-blog]

Fucking unfair

Fucking DCF is weird like there should not be a job like that. Having to rip kids away from their loving parents all do to a mistake. I know it is kinda weird I'm talking about this because I usually talk about depression and things to do with it. But this deals with it because a month ago DCF got involved in my life and I was ripped away from my mom and family and moved across the state. And it sucks because people have the right to do that to your family I WISH IT NEVER HAPPENED

like it has caused me to be really depressed and they needed to put me on Prozac because it was getting so bad. I started smoking a lot of weed but it is not helping, it helps for like 2 hours and then life just sinks back into to the shitty thing it is. I started going to church and started writing and it is some what helping but I'm counting down the days till I go home because I miss I just wanna get on surf boards with my mom AND BE HAPPY AGAIN.

But if anyone needs anything or you feel alone I'm always here ask for my number or something LOVE YOU GUYS XoXo

[lexieventi-blog]

Weed, just drugs in general . Damn do they help , they help the feeling of self doubt and being fucking worthless. They help a shit ton. They help crazy people chill and they help people like us it makes us feel happy it makes us feel like we have purpose . I mean we do have purpose but of course we do not feel that. But weed does help it makes pain go away it makes US FEEL AMAZING !! Like we wished we could feel like that without it but we cant

sometimes we can but can I be honest weed helps with recovery from depression it does no lie .

so if it keeps you from hurting yourself

and if It helps, then weed on

4:20p.m

p.s I'm high

[lexieventi-blog]

Fuck them, help yourself

lexie

[lexieventi-blog]

I'm back

ok so I do not know how to explain everything that has been happening . I went to the hospital because I fell and had a severe concussion and the hospital and police there, noticed there was something weird about my family. Well me  my little sister are living with my grandparents and there our “foster parents” and I thought it was all my fault all of this happened due to me falling. So me being me I started to cut little and little to more and more. My grandparents got me to a doctor and now I'm on Prozac and its helping . I'm gonna be posting more, I miss my writing.

[lexieventi-blog]

Hi guys

Sorry I have been in the hospital but let's all keep fighting depression I love u all of u need anything I'm here !!

[lexieventi-blog]

Vacation

Hi guys I have been away for so long, I do hope no one is mad but I just wanted to say hi and check in with everyone I want  to make sure everyone is ok and are doing great. I am now fully recovered !!!!!!!! And I'm hoping you guys are on the same path. Honestly stay away from any sad music even if it is your favorite. I'm not saying delete all your sad shit just stay away from it. And stay away from the people who bring you down like you do not deserve it your perfect .

So keep on the battle of fighting depression because you honestly should not let it win. Love you guys if you need anything message me/ XOxo..

[lexieventi-blog]

Cutting it helps us all for a while but its not a permanent thing because soon or long after you start you will stop, I don't know anyone who has started and done it forever. so there Is no reason to start. I started and in highly regret it honestly it helped a few lonely nights but that is it after your left with scars that will never ever fully heal. I still want to do it but I cannot continue, because I am faced with fear of returning to the hospital and I stopped for my self and I'm recovering from depression. It is possible to get away and over from depression but it does take time but if u want it gone then u have to give it the time it needs to go away..

[lexieventi-blog]

Sorry

I have been out for a while guys and yes I'm am now back and I will be blogging again I went to stay with a friend for about a week to get away from all the drama at home and I feel amazing. A few people on here have been worried about me and I want everyone to know I'm ok and that I'm doing very well...

I miss blogging and I'm gonna touch a few subjects this week like purging maybe more cutting and suicide shit but you guys should know that I'm only here to help . so please help my account get the attention it needs I think I could help many people.

[lexieventi-blog]

Guys

Lots of guys are bad and a lot are good, do not let one shit head change your perspective on all of them.. 

“fuckboys” “man whores” they all are here but there are some good ones left and that is the truth. So if one fucks with your heart just know that there will be another to come along and fix it...

 My first time being in love was in the start of 2015 and it ended in the end of that year, i was never happier i never had a smile bigger than when i was with him. But as time progressed shit came up and we could not work we could not be together no matter how much we wanted it. (family issues) We fought so hard to and some things just do not work out.. 

I wanted and needed to get over him because i found out he did me wrong in so many ways . And i met someone else but i was so scared to feel the feeling of heart break again, so it was hard to let this person in . Like it hurts so bad and there is  nothing you can do to fix it you just take it and you have to sadly.. And you are so scared to let someone else in because you do not want it happening again. Because at one point the one before the next said it would be forever but he left, but they promised to stay but, its a lie.... (no shittttttt)

But like i said i found someone else and we’ve been together for almost three months now and i am so happy i moved on because he means so much too me. And you know i had that feeling of never being able to move on again and i did and i am so proud of myself. Through all the pain and suffering i found someone who helped me and loves me and i am so happy i did i cant even explain it.. You will get over the last one i promise they were not worthy of your love and hopefully the next will be. 

[lexieventi-blog]

How old are you?

14

:)

[lexieventi-blog]

It gets better the more you fall the higher you'll climb

Lexie XoXo

[lexieventi-blog]

Death And Liveliness

I remember there was a time in my life, around 3 years ago is when everything went from bubbly to bland. I was the happiest little girl my mum used to say i never was sad i never flashed a frown i would always smile. 

I was bullied terribly in elementary school (Holy Fuck), and when i hit middle school it went away instantly i was highly liked and very popularr. 

But then when i got into my second year everything the kids said before got to me the words felt like razors breaching my brain

 I got depressed i started smoking it all went away all the pain,  my mum found out and i told her that was the only way i could be happy and it hurt to say that. but it was not good for me the amount i was doing like a good (3 grams a day). i new it was bad!.. So i stopped but then i started cutting and it got terrible i could not stop as much as i wanted too i could not. 1 turned to 17 turned to 36. and i wanted to but i couldn't with every slash of the blade  felt more unwind to my ache of not feeling shit.. 

I was fucked up and i knew so i showed my mum my legs and writs she took me to a clinic. FYI: my moms cool as shit she is not like uptight so i knew it hit her hard when she took me. 

And i went for a while and it sucks because its scary and your all alone with your fucked up thoughts .And you wanna die you do to be put at rest but they wont let you. SO YOU HAVE TO FIGHT

And when i got out i only smoke and drank and im young but i still do i have too cope. 

But about a month ago i cut really bad on my leg. 

But i showed my mum asap and she hit me with the clinic and i promised to never do it again. because i am depressed and when you are you cut that is  what you do because you feel something you feel pain. but you usually feel nothing i understand. But i did tell her so i stopped.

&

Now i have this blog and it helps me so much helping people like me feels amazing.  i also work out and i got into a relationship 3 months ago and that little happy girl is coming back slowly but she is , I still have high mountains to climb to reach my best point but i will i am not gonna give up again and you should join me, i am here to help. 

love you guys - Lexie XoXOxoo

[lexieventi-blog]

You see that skinny beauty there with her fingers in the back of her throat yeah,that was me not to long ago.

I fucking used to think i was the ugliest and fattest thing to roam the earth. I would make myself throw up and i would skip family dinner every night and wished i was a model. I hated seeing a pound go up on the scale at publix and trying to button my pants and having to lay down on the bed to do it would make me tear...

I would skip food for so long my stomach would twist and turn and left me crying it felt like your body was eating itself inside out. I am slowly seeing myself decent looking people still have to force the fact that i am pretty into my head. But i stopped making myself throw up because i realized that it is not beautiful it is terrifying you may look good but you will feel like shit and the others around you will. They will wanna help but you will fucking shut them out because you think you have everything under control, sadly you don’t anymore throwing up becomes  addicting just like the sex and the drugs and the cutting. So try and stop, stop it all and become well again because that is what we all want to be well and happy like we were once before.

So my babies start to see yourself in a good way and pull those fingers out from the back of your throat and throw that one finger in the middle up and yell “fuck model sizes fuck size zeros and fuck depression because i can get through it” and you have me along side.

have a good night everyone - Lexie XoXoo

[lexieventi-blog]

Love yourself darling

-Lexie

[lexieventi-blog]

You may think ending it helps, yes it helps you. 

But it fucks many other people you may not know but it does . 

Like a Mother, Father, Brother, Sister, Girlfriend, & or Boyfriend. 

It makes them think they did not do a good enough job at saving you or helping, when in all actuality they did. But your death does not show it. 

So do not end it you and the other people around you do not deserve it honestly you may believe in a god you may not (i do not) but you where put here for a reason.  And you cant say you were not... 

If people offer to help take it i wish i took my mums words before i took that blade to my wrist. 

You know getting kinda personal here but its okay !

I wish i was never sent to the hospital i could have talked to someone before trying to end everything and getting sent away because it sucks. Being all alone with yourself thinking and thinking and nothing to do but sit and think about how fucked up you and everything is because you think at home your alone imagine how it is there. 

I know my words may be harsh but it is just to help because i have been through everything you may be going through and it sucks 

And i wanna help message me ask for my number or snap chat 

or something i am here :))))))

[lexieventi-blog]

Yeah society kills a lot of people & there dreams of aspiring. 

Because no matter how hard we try, we are simply never good enough. Simply not good enough for anyone,

 there are such high standards that we don’t uplift. So we are brought down and stepped on “stomped under perfections heel”.  We either have to be paper thin or vogue magazine perfection to be accepted. 

But i am not and i do not believe anyone is. No one in my eyes are perfect unless you are exactly who you are. Put down all that makeup and stop sticking your fingers down your throat because you are amazing being who you are. 

And if people really care they will accept you for that. 

Because who you really are, that person is sheer perfection and nothing more and nothing less than that. 

And you need to stop being blind and realize your the best you can be honey.

[omggrxngebby-deactivated2016072]

[lexieventi-blog]

It won't be easy I'll promise you that .... •but over time you will regain the strength and beauty you lost and you will sore higher than ever before. You will be the best you can be and whoever hurt you or shot you down will fall to there knees and take everything back. You will be ok.