LGBT ADVICE

This blog is an archive and no longer active. I hope you can find an answer to your question here somewhere. Stay safe - M xxx

[lgbt-advise]

is it ok to label myself as nb while still figuring out if I'm ftm?

Yes. Labels are what is true to you in the present moment, they can change.

[lgbt-advise]

Hello, I'm bisexual but I often use gay as an umbrella term I really don't want to hurt people so is it okay to use that term? Or should I use queer which is the og umbrella term. Sorry if this irritated you.

I don't see why not.

[lgbt-advise]

This blog is now an archive.

Hi, it’s been a while.

I ran this blog when I was 13-15 and now I’m 19 going on 20. Once Trump got elected, it got all too much to handle. The blog reached 10k followers, it felt like the whole community was crying out to me all at once and my mental health just tanked. Had a breakdown and I ran without an explanation. Those tumblr wars of 2014/5 really didn’t help either.

I think about this blog now and again and it bothers me I never gave it a resolution. I’ve also logged back in once every few years and I’ve noticed people are still reaching out. It’s not fair to allow people to continue to reach out for help to a blog that is over.

I’m at a secure place in my life to declare this is the end. I’m sorry I never got around to answering your questions. I hope you found the solutions and I hope everything turned out okay. 

-M. 

[gendercensus]

The fifth annual Gender Census is now open!

[ Link ]

It’s open until 1st March 2018, it’s open to people in any country, and last year we got about 10,000 participants - you can see the results here.

After the survey is closed I’ll process the results and publish a spreadsheet of the data and a blog post summarising the main findings. Then anyone can use them for academic or business purposes, self-advocacy, tracking the popularity of language over time, and just feeling like we’re part of a huge and diverse community.

If you think you might have friends and followers who’d be interested, please do reblog this blog post, retweet this tweet, boost this Mastodon post, and share by email or at AFK social groups or on other social networks like Facebook. Every share is extremely helpful - it’s what helped us get 10,000 responses last year.

Thank you so much!

[neutrois]

Another excellent survey that is run every year!

[lgbt-advise]

Hey guys. I'm about to give birth to a tiny human in exactly one week. My question is how do I approach the gender question when they're older? I've thought about saying that some folks have different organs that work in different ways. I am on the right page? I'm so unsure on how I should approach this.

congrats on your baby!!

i like your point about organs working in different ways, maybe let them know that some people are born with the ability to have babies and some people arent. and some people have organs that are a bit like both! 

this leave gender identity and expression out of the question and allows you to explain that clothes are just clothes and they dont refer to what organs people have. (it also allows them to be open to the idea that sex and gender arent as fixed as society makes them out to be.)

also, make sure they know they can dress and love in any way they want, so long as theyre not hurting anyone.

i think this is simple enough for a child to understand, although obviously you can adapt this depending on your child. let us know how it goes?

good luck with your baby!! im sure whatever you tell them will be appropriate-tyler 

[lgbt-advise]

i know that there are a lot of unanswered asks in the ask box and that a lot of you are waiting for help and advice.

please be patient, i am going to answer them all and i really apreciate you all and i want to help every single one of you.

i am in the process of getting into university and so that’s why there’s been a temporary haitus, and i thank you for your patience.

i’m trying to prioritise asks by urgency but i promise that every ask will get answered.

you’re all valid and lovely

-tyler

[lgbt-advise]

Hi I'm trans ftm, and This may be a stupid question but, can I still date girls even though I feel like boy now?

you can date whoever you like regardless of your gender identity. love knows no gender.

-tyler

[lgbt-advise]

Hi I'm trans and I was wondering if there are any side effects or symptoms I may experience when taking testosterone

other than the typical things one might expect (voice, hair, muscle definition, bottom growth, menstruation stopping etc) the “side effects” of t include; acne, sweating more, bigger appetite, male pattern baldness (with age), scent of sweat and urine can change, infertility (there is the option of getting your eggs frozen before taking t), 

hope this helps! feel free to ask about anything more specific-tyler

[lgbt-advise]

Hey... I'm an agender person and I really think I'd be more comfortable if I started binding... but I don't really want too surgery either. I don't have the means for a proper binder (as in I couldn't get one under the roof I live under) so is there any alternative? Im really sorry to bother ya'll and if this was worded weirdly I'm sorry...

hey friend;

not being able to access a binder is a common struggle with trans youth and so there are a lot of ways you can actually get a binder for free if you are unable to because of unsupportive parents.

personally, as a trans person in the uk, i received my first ever binder through a charity called morf which i believe is based in manchester, where you only pay the shipping cost which for me was £3. however there is also point of pride which is based in the usa but operates internationally. the waiting times for these are extremely long. as of 2017 the waiting time for point of pride binders was around 9-10 months although i believe this is now longer.

underworks sells a “minimizer bra” which is essentially a binder marketed as a sports bra, which could be beneficial in persuading your parents to let you get it, or easy to pass off as a bra you have bought on your own.

however if you cant afford the above and need something to hold you over in the waiting time, doubled up sports bras with no padding are your friend. wear two (one back to front if possible) and then layer a tank top over that before putting on a tshirt to smooth out any lumps and bumps from the material if you want to.

if you are going to bind with two sports bras, the binding rules still apply- don’t bind for more than 8 hours a day- don’t exercise when binding- do not deliberately get a binder that is too small - when you start out, don’t bind for more than 3 hours without taking a break. work up to 8 hours slowly- when you take your binder off, stretch and cough - measure accurately and make sure you get a binder that fits. there will be a sizing chart on your binder’s website.- don’t nap/sleep in your binder- if you experience pain, take it off. carry a loose sports bra in your bag.

a hoodie and a jacket over 1 or 2 tshirts drastically improves the appearance of your chest, especially when paired with sports bras.

darker colours also help to minimize the appearance of your chest, and lots of trans people swear by button up shirts in terms of giving a more androgynous appearance. baggy clothing will also help hide your chest, but not too baggy as this will do the opposite. hoodies are also really helpful on days where you cant bind as they are made of thick material which helps to hide your chest.

if you need to know anything more specific just let me know, im always here for you-tyler

[lgbt-advise]

Hey I'm wondering if binding with 2 sports bras and a folded tanktop is safe? My parents think it's safer that a real binder... But idk if that's true.

binding with two sports bras is similar to binding with a real binder. you should still take into account the binding rules:- don’t bind for more than 8 hours a day- don’t exercise when binding- do not deliberately get a binder that is too small- buy a binder for a reputable company such as gc2b or underworks. binder charities are also okay, but binders from ebay are cheap - but unsafe- when you start out, don’t bind for more than 3 hours without taking a break. work up to 8 hours slowly- when you take your binder off, stretch and cough - measure accurately and make sure you get a binder that fits. there will be a sizing chart on your binder’s website.- don’t nap/sleep in your binder- if you experience pain, take it off. carry a sports bra in your bag.

however, it is not more or less safe than a real binder. binding with 2 sports bras and a tank top is the same as wearing a binder. you still need to play by the rules, listen to you body and bind safely.

however, depending on your body a binder will likely do a better job at giving you a flat chest, as this is what their entire purpose is. so its probably that a binder will do a better job.

If your parents are really against the idea of you wearing a binder, there are alternatives! underworks sells a “minimizer sports bra”. this is essentially the same as a binder, yet it is marketed as a sports bra, and so this might mean that your parents would feel comfortable buying it for you, allowing you to have a binder.

i hope this helps!-tyler

[lgbt-advise]

Hi I'm 13 I'm questioning if I'm asexual but I do t know cause I've never had sex but the thought of it makes me sick and I don't know I've looked it up but because I'm 13 nothing has came up so u have any resources to help me I'm really confused??

hey anon,

just because youre 13 it doesnt mean that you cant identify as asexual.

right now, if you feel asexual, you most likely are asexual. but, remember that sexuality is fluid and if you get a little older and decide that youre allosexual then thas okay! you can change your mind!

i am eighteen years old and i have identified as asexual since i was 13 also. theres nothing wrong with knowing from a young age. youre totally fine

-tyler

[lgbt-advise]

I'm writing a story and the main character's best friend is gender-neutral/gender-fluid. I have not experienced gender dysphoria personally, so I was wondering is anyone has any insight? I want to try and get it as accurate as possible

any of our trans* mods or pershaps even some followers could help you out with this!

feel free to message me on my main anathenne also, as i am also a person who experiences dysphoria

-tyler

[lgbt-advise]

Hey, i just have a quick question. So I got a binder very recently, and I can get it on fine and everything, there's just a couple things. A) my chest isn't completely flat and i don't know whether mine is too big, or my chest is too big or what, whatever the case i want to do something about it, and B) the bottom edge of the front of the binder doesn't lay flat, and it's just annoying, so I don't know whether it's a sign that it's the wrong size. Thank you!

A) your chest will never be completely flat with a binder. it sucks but its true. layers really help minimize the appearance of your chest however. also, you can try wearing an undershirt as well as your normal shirt, this really helps.

B) thats totally normal! but if this really bothers you try getting a long binder like a tank top which you can tuck into your pants.

-tyler

[lgbt-advise]

I have three questions the first one is I think I'm nonbinary like with no gender so what's that called like they/them pronouns and second I was wondering if you bind your chest do you get scars or what exactly does it do or does your chest look like and three this ones kind of selfish if I was nonbinary would people even date me like what are the chances of people wanted to date a nonbinary? sorry I know I said three but what would you call a mom/dad or boyfriend/girlfriend that is they/them?

1) nonbinary people can use whatever pronouns they want to. if they/them makes you feel comfortable then thats what you can use,

2) you shouldnt get scars from binding your chest if you do it correctly. chest binding flattens the chest tissue that AFAB people get during puberty. it makes your chest look flat, like a cis male

3) of course they would date you! lots of people would date a nonbinary person.

4) i have heard of lots of people calling their nonbinary parent baba (youtube: “i am a gender nonconforming parent”) but there is also papa as in the first two letters of the word “Parent”. additionally, enbyfriend or datemate is typically used to refer to a nonbinary partner, but followers feel free to comment your words for enby partners!

hope this helps!

-tyler

[lgbt-advise]

Hi! Im new to this blog, what do you guys do> ((Im also new to tumblr, sorry if I come off weird, I don't know anything really :0))

we help any LGBT+ person with anything they may need to talk about. we aim to assist and comfort anyone who needs help and has questions relating to the LGBT community. you can message us about anything, on here or our private blogs.

-tyler (anathenne)

[lgbt-advise]

What are the dangers of not binding properly (for a boy who was AFAB) and how long is too long to wear a binder? And how dangerous is it to wear a cheap (or poorly made) binder?

by binding improperly, you can risk bruising to your ribs, punctured lungs, broken and misshapen ribs.

you should only bind for as long as your body can handle. the general guideline is 8 hours but if youre just starting to bind you should work your way up to that amount gradually. having said that, after your body is very used to binding you can bind for 8hours+, so long as you are not experiencing any pain or trouble in breathing.

the dangers of wearing a cheap binder are that they are often made of materials that do not expand, meaning that when you breathe they do not expand alongside your lungs and so you can risk serious damage like that mentioned above.

please bind safely, -tyler

[lgbt-advise]

Heyo, I have a nb friend, they're fourteen years old and in need of a binder. Their mom doesn't agree with binding so I offered to order them one because my parents are good with it. We just have a couple questions, so here goes. What is the best/really good binder for larger breasts? Is there a good online store out there to order from? Will their mom notice when they start binding? We're both smol and in need of help, so if you have any other tips/warnings that'd be really helpful. Thanks!

the best binder brand that this blog reccommends are GC2B and underworks! their mom might notice if they start binding but advise them to change into their binder when they leave the house, like putting the binder on and off in a friends bathroom or store bathroom so that theyre not actually binding in the house where their mom can see. although, if their chest is small and their mom isnt observant she might not notice.

feel free to message me with any more questions about binding! ive been binding for 2 years ish lmao

-tyler (my main is anathenne if you have any questions<3)