- Lee Hongbin ;

Writing blog for NoxWrites Featured muse: Hongbin

[lhb1x1]

ofthiscosmos:

nervousness filters through every single cell of her body —- she is bold, outright, and everything that a second in command should be. she allowed herself no room for error, calculated risks, took gambles, and appeared as reliable as she could….yet in this moment every single thing she had been trained to do from birth had dissipated into smoke and vanished as quickly as it had come to her. gone was the leader and in her place was something so vastly different —- a teenage girl who merely didn’t know what to do when confessing a love that she held onto in her heart for 3 years. a hard won confession, the idea that perhaps it was wrong of her to do everything she had.

this tightening in her chest uncomfortable, if this was how it felt to be true to your nature she seriously wondered if she was ready for such a thing —- if she was ready for this. yet, as if he could read her mind, that familiar deep voice rung in her ears and caused her hands to shake just barely. “y-you..” a still heart had thrummed heavy in her chest, beating like hummingbird wings until she felt dizzy and his words replayed into her mind. 

it was a simple sentence by far, less than complex but she felt as if he had recited beautiful words to her in that moment —- every worry, every idea that she was wrong, every nervous cell in her body seemingly small and insignificant in the face of the idea that he loved her…that he truly loved her as she loved him. her mind whirred a thousand miles an hour and yet she could barely feel the smile that edged up her tiers. he loved her…he loved her! whether it had been ten minutes or as long a 3 years as she had felt it to be did not matter…he loved her. 

‘I’ve waited….3 years just to hear that.” she admits to him carefully, tenderly as her fingers spread out against the softness of his cheek and her other hand mirrors his actions for a single moment before slipping to rest against his shoulder. now, before her confidence wore off and her usual worries reset themselves, she felt compelled to lean forward and take his lips with a kiss. all hesitance was gone, instead she allowed her feelings to dictate her actions and instead poured every ounce of emotion into it, into him. she wanted to sear these feelings into his skin, give him a reminder that no matter how she pulled away that this was not fake…that it was true. she wanted him to remember, to yearn, to love her as infinitely hard as she truly loved him. 

he couldn’t stop the soft smile that tugged at his lips as he watched her reaction. a smile that tender hadn’t graced his features in.. he wasn’t even sure how long. possibly for the entire span of the three years that she claimed she had been waiting for him. “yes.. I love you too,” he reiterated in a quiet whisper, as if it was a secret he had to keep from the empty room - from the very walls themselves. but his voice still remained delicate enough to show the sincerity in his words. he couldn’t help himself but to silently wonder whether he had ever shared a moment so gentle with anyone before - and if he ever would again.

“I’ve been waiting just as long to be able to tell you that.” by this point in his life, hongbin had been desensitized to a lot of things. but the one thing that could shake him to his core was his very own emotions. he was reckless, wild - when he was younger he did not have much control over them. now, he had mentored himself in keeping them locked away. nobody could use them against him that way. that’s why he would have never been the first one to admit to anyone that he had been enamored with - especially not someone as precious to him as byul. if he admitted, not only would he have been hollowed from the inside out until he was no more than a shell if the feelings were not reciprocated, but there would have been the backlash. the age difference. their affiliation in the gang. it would have been disastrous - and not in the way he enjoyed so much. no, he craved chaos, but not if it was centered around him, eating away at him slowly. and that was why this moment was so crucial to him. he was opening himself up to her, making himself vulnerable in a way that that was meant for nobody but her to witness.

but still, he was a greedy man. it only took the brush of her fingers past his cheek to send his heart into a frenzy again. but he wanted more. for years he had thought about this moment, of the feeling of her lips pressed to his, her gentle touches - thoughts he had convinced himself would never be anything more than dreams. and now he had it. he was pressing his lips back to hers as his heart practically beat out of his chest, trying to spill as much of that locked away emotion into such a simple, meaningful action so that maybe - just maybe - she would understand that yes, he really did love her. that for the first time in his life he was being truthful with those three little words.

but there was a conflict inside of him. he wanted to be greedy with her in that moment. that was his natural reaction, to try to scrape up every last bit of what he wanted so that he could enjoy it all for himself. but a part of him knew that this wasn’t as much about him as it was about her. about giving her what she wanted. about setting her free even if it was only just for the few secret moments they were sharing together in the quiet still of night where they would be safe from any prying eyes or judgmental whispers. but maybe.. he could satisfy both sides of the conflict. as he momentarily broke their kiss, a hand slowly reached out, trembling as it always did, to hook his arm gently under the young girl’s knees and carefully, slowly swing her legs across his lap with a certain gentle grace he hadn’t known he possessed. that was all he needed. his arms wrapped around her waist and pulled her closer as if she were the most delicate being in the world. his lips met the very corner of hers, featherlike, before resting his forehead against hers. “this is about you, byul,” he told her quietly, “you can do whatever you want.”

[lhb1x1]

ofthiscosmos:

in a single moment there was not a single thing in the world other than byul and hongbin —- there was white noise that surrounded them, cutting them off from the outside world and all she could focus on was every rise and fall of his chest, every shift of his voice, every word that caressed her as gently as fall wind. she wasn’t chilled, no, rather his words heated her up from the very inside of her being and threatened to appear against exposed flesh. she held onto him, onto his words, onto his everything as if she were a man deprived of water. “I don’t know how to not be tired….I don’t know how to not protect her…protect you…protect everyone….” it was true, so achingly true that you could hear the sweet note of it polishing her voice like stone. 

she was not luna, not by a long shot —- as if that was the key to the puzzle she let herself indulge in the feelings playing chaotic melodies within her mind. it was let her listen to him without interrupting, what urged her cheek just a bit more into the hand that threatened to break every fragile piece of herself until she was nothing but a pillar of salt. it is what makes her reach out, hesitantly, to take his handsome face between her hands. they are deceptive, small, soft, but they are an extension of everything that she is in that moment and she knows without a doubt she needs to touch him to cease the shaking in her hands that threaten the very essence of everything she stands for.

but even without the touch how is she sure that she will not dissipate anyway? he is urging her into a direction that completely throws away everything that has been embedded as muscle memory —- protecting luna, forcing herself away from the things that she wants must, making her the most mature nineteen year old that roams the planet. he is trying to release her, give her the platform for everything that has crossed her mind….and in that moment, at 3am when everyone else had gone, she allowed herself the barest of leeways. “everything I have ever wanted….everyone I have ever wanted to love…” her voice is soft, missed by anyone who was not in the closest proximity to them but she knows that he can hear her, knows that as he looks at her that…maybe…maybe she can finally do this. “that’s you….I’ve wanted you for so long….I’ve loved you…for so long…” as she breathes then her voice threatens to break, to allow her the freedom to throw herself back into the very life she knows she will resume the moment the spell he has on her breaks…but she does not take it.

no instead she lets her eyes search his as if looking for an answer, grasping onto the straws as if to pull herself away from the illusion…..but then he speaks and she knows that for a single moment, a single breath that there is none. instead there is only action, reason compelling her to carefully close the gap between them. reason compelling her to tentatively, hesitantly press her lips to his despite knowing that she should not. everything was going to shatter, she knew it, but it was right here in this moment that she wanted to stay. 

“you’re not going to know how to,” he told her softly. “no one really has any idea what they’re doing. you’re going to trip and fall a couple times if you do try, but that’s okay. everyone does.” somewhere inside of him he wanted to push her, to support her in becoming more.. herself. she had so much to offer, and he found it a shame that at least some part of that was being wasted away. “life is about trial and error, you know. no one gets it right the first time.”

and there it was again. that touch that he found himself craving, enough to keep his previous longing for a smoke at bay. her hands were so small and soft.. had he not known who she was and what she did, he would never in a million years what those hands had done in the past, the mayhem that they caused - whether directly or not. others might draw back if they had known, but he loved chaos. he loved mayhem. his eyes slipped shut for only a moment, his head making the slightest of turns towards one of her hands as if moving to press his nose and lips against it. but he stopped short. one of his hands raised to wrap his slender fingers around her wrist, holding her hand in it’s position with a certain tenderness that was difficult to believe he was possible of. he didn’t want her to think that he wanted the contact to end.

“everything you’ve ever wanted..” he repeated in a tone that was equally as soft as her own. but it was the words that followed that made his heart thump and pound in his chest - hard enough to make him certain that there was no way that she couldn’t hear it. him.. he was the one that she had wanted. out of all the men she could have her choice from, she had chosen him. it was what he had been hoping for during their conversation, but now the doubts that were in his mind could vanish. he could barely wrap his head around it. what had he done to earn the affection of the young woman next to him? how long was so long? was it as long as he had harbored feelings for her as well? questions swirled in his mind as he sat there, concentrated only on her, on them.

but before he even had the chance to respond, the space between them was being closed, and he let out a soft gasp as their lips pressed together. hongbin had been with a fair amount of women in the past, but none of them merited the tenderness that he felt with byul. of course he knew that they shouldn’t be doing this. but since when had he ever been particularly keen on rules? and besides, her lips felt soft and sweet against his as he carefully pressed back. but it was that hesitance that he sensed that prompted him to mutter softly as his lips brushed past hers. “it’s okay byul, if this is what you want, then take it..” he pressed another gentle kiss to her lips, his heart practically beating out of his chest. “you don’t need to be scared.. I love you too..”

[lhb1x1]

ofthiscosmos:

“chalk it up to being nineteen then, I believe in a world where we can all be free….to do as we want…” there’s a single hesitation before she finishes the single sentence that provides insight into her mind. what does she want? it’s a sentiment that floats around unsaid because she doesn’t feel as if she has a right to do just that —- the world is turning, spinning, and people go one with their lives and make decisions everyday about the things that mean something to them….and yet there are people like byul who feel as if they are stuck in a rut. even if she can’t escape…shouldn’t they be able too? but every word that leaves his lip, every sentiment that he voices into existence causes her heart to shudder and her urge to be selfish to grow longer. “if I had to have a taekyung…I’m glad it’s you.”

she wants to offer him a smile, some kind of reassuring gestures that she wasn’t stuck in her own thoughts but she could barely muster the energy to break away from all the thoughts floating in her mind — she is going a thousand miles an hour and the only hint of the chaos behind the girl is the startling darkness of eyes that have seen too much, that have done too much. “life is surely something…short or long…special or disastrous….shouldn’t we do what our hearts want regardless of all that? rather it be apologies…or..taking the things…that we want…” she knows that if she was a window that she would have broken all her panes by now, easy to see and perhaps easier to climb through to check out the interior. 

what use is it if she can’t even hide those things from him? there’s a small laugh, just barely bitter that filters past those plump tiers as he voices the very things she’s felt for so long. she is burning alive, both from unfulfilled thoughts and because of the path that he has left against her skin. every touch of his large palm to her jumpstarts some new emotion, some new thought that she knows she cannot dare to have. he is dangerous in such a close proximity as this — he boggles the mind, snubs the senses, and she feels as if she cannot see through the fog that’s become he safe haven.

“every…god damn day.” she admits to him, voice a low sound in her chest. forbidden, those kinds of thoughts are forbidden for her to have but he’s demanding they all be pulled the surface in the span of a few words. “I get tired of not being able to be the byul I wish was hidden somewhere else.” she shouldn’t say these things, shouldn’t allow her fingers to brush against his forehead as she places some stray bangs back to their rightful place. she shouldn’t allow this to go on, she shouldn’t allow herself that slight reprieve her body is begging for. if it’s hongbin…is it fine? 

“I am young….shouldn’t I be living up my youth? shouldn’t I be able to see the world? shouldn’t I be able to drink, to party, to not worry about anything other than an upcoming test?” an alternate reality, something so parallel to what she is actually allowed is almost painful to imagine, to put into words. “should I be able to love who I want? how I want? as much as I want?” those fingers carefully draw a line down the side of his face, over the span of the jaw she’s come to appreciate, along the surprisingly smooth column and the collarbones she’s always wondered about. “but I was born for this…I was literally born to be who I am, to do what I am doing…” her hand drops away, her eyes not leaving him. “who am I if I’m not the byul you see here?” 

“imagine all the nineteen year olds who want to be where you are..” a sarcastic huff of laughter escaped him. teenagers who had no idea what it was really like. who thought it was just about ‘looking cool’. she was so young.. that was another reason he wanted to protect her. she didn’t deserve any of this shit. she deserved such a better life than she had. “I won’t ever let anyone hurt you, I promise..” he might be biting off more than he could chew with that one. but it was how he felt. and if anyone laid a hand on her, they would get what they had coming.

he watched her carefully as she spoke. as she talked of what she wished she could be, of what she could do, of what she wouldn’t have if this wasn’t her life. there were certain things she said.. she wasn’t even trying to hide it, was she? he couldn’t stop himself but to feel like their attraction was mutual. but what was he supposed to do? what if he was just reading into her words the wrong way because he had hoped for so long, and dreamed just about every night that maybe she was attracted to him as well? she was all he could focus on. police could burst into the room at that moment, and he wouldn’t even notice, wouldn’t even flinch. she made him both hypersensitive and numb at the same time. he would notice even the smallest change in her expression, the smallest movement. but everything else around them was just a black void of nothingness.

his heart leapt into his throat as he was suddenly feeling her fingers against his skin. his forehead, his cheek, his collarbones.. it wasn’t ever until they were touching that he realized how much he longed for it. “you need to take what you want, byul.. you can be that byul that you wish was somewhere in there. you don’t always have to be tired.” his voice was quiet, barely more than a whisper as he found himself leaning closer to her, physically aching for the touch that she had taken away. how did she do this to him? “you might have been born to do this, but you don’t have to follow mindlessly. you’re not luna..” if she wasn’t going to give him the contact he needed, he would initiate it himself. he brought his fingers up to brush against her cheek, feather-like as he looked into those dark eyes and ran his hand along her thigh. “you’re byul.. you’re your own person. and we all have needs and wants..” his voice dropped even lower, “it’s not that you should be able to take what you want, you are able to take what you want, as long as you’re willing to put in the effort.. no one really knows who they are, you know.. it’s part of being human. you shouldn’t let that scare you. people are fallible, inconsistent, barely the same person every day.. don’t be afraid to break free of this mold you’ve been forced into. you’re so young.. it’s not too late to take everything you’ve ever wanted. everything you’ve ever wanted to do, wanted to say, wanted to experience, everyone you’ve ever wanted to love.. you’re not just a shadow, you can make your own decisions and live your own life.”

his mind was going in circles, at points he felt like he was just saying the same thing over and over again. but he couldn’t concentrate on his own words, he was too tuned into her. into what she said, into what he could only imagine what she was feeling, what was going through her mind. “the stars emit their own light, and the moon only reflects light from elsewhere.. that’s what makes stars so beautiful..”

[lhb1x1]

ofthiscosmos:

“you don’t have a bad personality though..” her immediate thoughts are to defend him over the criticisms that he voiced against himself — byul had never thought that he was a bad person, that he was so unbearable that she couldn’t stand to be around him. yes he was blunt, yes he could be harsh, but when it got right down too it how could you fault him for trying to get people to see every angle of things? “I think that you’re an amazing person, a loyal man, someone who just knows that the world can’t be seen through rose tinted glasses. anyone would be lucky to have you.” she returns softly, quietly. the only thing she doesn’t say is that the only person she wants to see him with is herself….how could she though?

she uprooted her own life more than enough to do it to someone else. it wasn’t as if her hopes were really that high…it was more along the lines of what she really wished for him. she wished him a good life, a long lasting life. she wished for him an existence not riddled with enemies and bullet holes. “I don’t think so….I think I’m just optimistic that this isn’t all there is for you.” especially because he seemed to have accepted his death so readily that it unnerved the younger woman down to her core. “I won’t let you die by someone elses hand…I’ll burn the whole world down if it means keeping you safe.” a pause, what big goals she had. “if it means keeping everyone safe.”

luna, hongbin, her gang, and lastly herself — those were the people who were most important to her in life. she would do all she could for them and she made sure that everyone knew she’d bleed for whoever she had too if it meant they could be healthy and safe. it’s why she feels just a tad bit bad for getting worked up over a simple statement, especially when he mentioned that she was who he came too with such thoughts. “I’m…sorry…” she murmurs, eyes focused on where his hand burned warmth through the fabric of her jeans, focused on the way his eyes lingered over her lips, focused on the way her heart beat soared and her longing spiked.

but maybe…maybe she imagined the way he looked at her longingly. perhaps she’s projected her feelings onto him in hopes she can soothe the constant want she had for him —- but it doesn’t pull her eyes away from his own set of tiers until his voice reaches her ears and she’s swallowing in an attempt to ground herself. she couldn’t do this, she couldn’t want him so badly. she couldn’t. she shouldn’t. she did. “it’s not like I’m ignoring that fact…I just have to believe in luna until I can’t anymore…” she admits, voice barely above a longing whisper. “I have to believe it will work out until I’m forced to make a different decision….you know?” 

maybe it was because it was himself that she was speaking about. but he just couldn’t get himself to believe what she had said about him not being a bad person. what kind of good person would do everything that he’s done? what kind of good person would be so arrogant, so vain and selfish? but still.. he didn’t want to argue, so all he let out was a quiet “thanks..” though he knew in his heart she would always be a better person than he was, no matter how hard he were to try.

“I think you’re a little too optimistic about the world, then,” he ventured. “you realize.. it could be fifteen years down the line, they can find some dirt on me, and I’d be locked up for the rest of my life, right? I can’t run away from what I’ve done.” and how could he not accept his death? it was something he was surrounded by. he just became.. numb to the thought of his own death. it didn’t bother him in the slightest. it was going to happen at some point, one way or another. “but for what it’s worth, I won’t let you die by someone else’s hand, either. luna’s got taekyung, but you’ve got me.” that was the best comparison that he could make. and it probably wasn’t exactly a secret that he wanted to keep the younger woman safe.

his ears perked at her apology. what a useless thing, apologies. hongbin often found himself under the philosophy of ‘if you were sorry, you wouldn’t have done it’. “don’t apologize, byul. life’s too short.” it wasn’t until after he had said this that he noticed her own lingering eyes. and her voice as she continued speaking - was he just imagining that aching tone buried somewhere within it? or was it real? he experienced a surge of conflicting thoughts, some telling him that of course it was, others telling him to back off and leave her alone, that she was off limits. but he had never been keen on following rules..

“but where’s the line?” he questioned her quietly, “how will you know when you can’t believe in her anymore? how do you know that it hasn’t already been crossed?” his words were slow, deliberate, as if he was choosing each one very carefully. it was hard not to, when his mind was in such a frenzy and he was in such close proximity to byul. he thought it a miracle he could speak at all with the way his heart seemed to be lodged in his throat. his hand subconsciously slid to the inner side of her knee as he turned more fully towards her, slipping only an inch or two towards her thigh - to a place that wasn’t quite intimate, but unmistakably more than just friendly. “don’t you get tired?” had the situation not been what it was, his words might have been derogatory. but now the only emotion noticeable in his voice was concern. “doesn’t it get exhausting.. living for someone other than yourself all the time?”

[lhb1x1]

ofthiscosmos:

“who talks at 3am at night, alone, close to one another, when everyone else has been sent home?” she mumbles to herself —- its not something that she needs answered, not really. she knows that their arrangement is for their own safety, specifically so no one does catch on to these meetings that they share with no particular goal to be reached other than enjoyment of one anothers company. this moment was what kept her sanity on lock, no matter how he pushed or angered her, she felt that this time together was precious. it was the one thing she loved above all else.

“I’m not taking medicine just to be riddled with nightmares and plauged with all the what if’s I’ve never gotten to see the end of.” she didn’t want to see blood, gore, or death…it filled so much of her everyday life that she was genuinely grateful for the quiet time she made for herself in the early mornings like this one. she didn’t want to dream of him and have her chest ache in the mornings because things would not go the way she wanted them too. she did not, so she kept her insomnia a terribly won secret for just an ounce of peace. 

she pauses as she looks to him, really looks to him, and maps the familiar galaxies she’s seen burning bright in his orbs. she knows the slope of his jaw, the slight tilt of his nose, full lips and broad shoulders and she knows that even if she lies he won’t believe her. “of course I think you’re attractive…what girl doesn’t? you’d have to be blind…” her words taper off slowly, quiet confessions that she knows she’ll be teased for but what was the use in trying to talk herself out of it? she slipped up, made a mistake, she might as well go with it. “I hope that….you live a long life, with many adventures. It is my sincerest wish that you map out the country, leaving behind a slew of women, leaving behind a life like this, and live every moment in love with the things around you. not dead, not riddled with bullet holes, and definitely not in jail. you should grow old in the country side or something….having experienced the world.” 

he was older than her, she knew that, and yet she felt as if he had so much living left to do outside of this gang. how long had it been his life? how long had it been the only family he had known? hell, couldn’t she say the same about herself? “you guys don’t know luna like I do….she’ll adjust…you’re being too harsh.” she says this but even she doesn’t believe her own words. she doesn’t know what will happen, if luna will ever come to her senses, but she can desperately hope. “yes, but right now I am the only leader you have. you better get used to it.” 

"but who's around to know that we talk at 3am, alone, close to one another, when everyone else has been sent home?" he countered her concerns easily. "they've all been sent home, haven't they? how can they know? for all they know we're in our beds sleeping too. don't worry yourself over it. you have more important things to worry about." he knew exactly what it was. what made him so gentle around her. but that didn't mean that it never too him by surprise. with anyone else, he would have just upped and left without another word. but she kept him there, by doing nothing other than speaking.

a quiet sigh escaped from him as he looked away from her for a moment. "dreams are like people. they can be good or they can be bad. you shouldn't deprive yourself of the pasture just because you stumble across some weeds along the way." that was all he said in regard to the matter before turning to look back at her in surprise. yes, hongbin knew that he was a handsome man, but a little stroke to his ego was never unwelcome. a small smirk tugged at his lips. "you're right, I guess it's just too bad my personality and lifestyle is repulsive enough to drive people away."

"but I think you have too high hopes for me, hon." it was at that particular moment that he longed for a good, healthy drag of a cigarette the most. when she spoke about him getting away from this life and making a different name for himself. he had been a part of this for just as long, if not longer, than she had. he had just about as much of a chance to escape from it as she did. "I forgot to add, fifty-five if I'm in prison and haven't been killed." it wouldn't even matter if he somehow left. he had participated in this life. current membership doesn't matter in court, what was done is all they care about.

it wasn't until the last thing that she said to him that he started to sense some hostility from her, and he didn't want that. he didn't want her to get worked up. tonight, he just wanted a civil conversation. so it wasn’t long before his hand was gently rubbing against her knee. "hey, hey, hey.." he trailed off in barely more than a whisper. "I'm not trying to start an argument, byul. I'm just trying to get some things off my chest. things I can only say to you in confidence." he looked at her, looked at her dark eyes that captivated him so often, the lush lips that for so long he had ached to learn the taste of. his eyes tore away as he let out another sigh. "I just feel like if we keep going like this, the whole group is going to destroy itself.. This wasn't meant to be how we were supposed to function.."

[lhb1x1]

ofthiscosmos:

there was a warmth in his presence despite the implications that anyone could have against the two of them being so close — yet she knows that everyone is nestled in bed by this time. missions are over, deals stalled until the mornings light, and the only two souls alive in this compound are a decidedly exhausted woman and a companion that might know her a tad bit too well. “I don’t hold it against you, I only caution myself in times like this.” her admittance is soft, brief and quiet like a gentle gust of wind and it holds so much more in it than he could probably even begin to realize.

the life she lived was so much more than her own. she had the welfare of a leader to look out for, the lives of hundreds who looked to her for guidance when luna was out of commission. she knew that she couldn’t afford a slip up, couldn’t afford to be comfortable when so much was at stake. what would she do if their turmoil reached the ears of their enemies? what would she do if they staged a coup and grabbed everything she had been trained for from flimsy, calloused fingers? “I’m not sure if that’s a good idea either…won’t people make up rumors?” 

so many possibilities ran through her mind and yet, foolishly, it was him that occupied many of them. “insomnia is a cruel mistress…I’m not sure I’d like my dreams even if I did go to sleep.” she wished, so desperately, that she could be a normal girl and grasp the things she wanted without consequence. with as much of a headache that luna caused her she could at least admit she envied that of her — she was free in a way that byul didn’t know how. “you really don’t….I think it’s more attractive when you don’t smell like smoke.” the slightest slip of the tongue and she tries to regain her control over it. “a lot of women are like that…how are you going to settle and make mafia babies if you keep killing yourself slowly?” 

not that she was really keen on the idea — it was one he would reject but, perhaps, it was a way to distance herself from such a true statement. hongbin was an attractive man, he could have a pick of the lot but he didn’t. in her more selfish moment she liked to pretend that she was the reason for it…as much as he was the reason she couldn’t see anyone else in a light like shone around him. “I know she’s being reckless…she’s being careless….but she’s lost her father and suddenly has to care for more people than she’s ever dealt with…give her time.” she murmurs, allowing herself just a single selfish moment to lay her head against his shoulder, soaking in the warmth that he provided. “and trust in my judgement for the time being….I haven’t lead you astray yet.” 

it was in moments like these that hongbin felt an overwhelming need to be cautious with byul. the way she spoke told of someone who was more delicate than they let on in their day to day life, something that he felt an innate urge to protect. it was as if he felt even just breathing the wrong way around her could cause her very framework to snap - whether these guts feelings of his were true or not didn't matter to him. she was, secretly, so precious to him, he wouldn't want to risk it either way. "rumors about what?" he asked her, "that we talk? what's so strange about us talking?"

the way she spoke... he couldn't get it out of his head. in moments like these, it sounded like her words belonged in a book. and then there he was. crude, and blunt with his words. "it's still important to sleep. just because you wouldn't like your dreams doesn't make it any less of a necessity. you should look into something to help you get to sleep if it's that much of a problem. a lot of people look up to you. you should be able to put your best foot forward for them." but then, there it was. a little phrase that made his ears perk up slightly. 'more attractive'. a devilish smirk tugged at his lips as he continued. "but are you confessing to me, byul, that you think I'm attractive?"

but it wasn't until afterwards that a small snort left him. "I don't think I'll be having any mafia babies anytime soon." not when, at least currently, for the past several years, she was the only woman he seemed to have eyes for. a woman he was convinced he couldn't have. "besides, I don't think killing myself slowly is much of a problem. let's face it, I'll probably be dead by forty-five. fifty if I'm lucky. sixty if I'm in prison and haven't killed myself." there was no hint of humor in his voice.

he made no motion to recoil when he felt her leaning her head on his shoulder. in his mind he welcomed it, but outwardly he gave no reaction, other than to slowly place his small, shaky hand on her knee. the hand that always shook except for when he was about to pull the trigger. he tried to give as much thought as possible to her reply in a relatively short span between when she had spoken and the appropriate response time for an answer. "we have been giving her time," he tested, "but she's not taking advantage of it. she's barely been present. even when she's here, it feels like she's not really here. she's not acting like a leader." he turned his head to carefully look down at the woman leaning against him. "you haven't led us astray, but you're not our leader, byul.. do you understand what I'm telling you?"

[lhb1x1]

ofthiscosmos:

“because sometimes you prove my worst fears to be true.” in more ways that one —- she knew there was a lot of unrest in him after the hands of command changed to a girl who never wanted this life. a lot of people saw luna as a burden, a child with a tantrum, someone who was too reckless for her own good….but they didn’t know luna like she had. byul knew that she wasn’t just reckless but she was unprepared for everything that had been thrust upon her. a fathers murder, a job forced on her that she couldn’t give up because her family had been heads of this mafia for decades now. her coping skills were terrible, her personality hard to swallow, but she was still her friend above all else. 

it was when people like hongbin opened their mouths to say terrible things, suggest things that she should order them dead for that she had to question everything she had been taught. she was a loyal girl, a cause beat into her from an early age, but she wanted to believe that he had the best in heart. she wanted to believe it for his sake and for hers —- not that she would ever tell him that herself. 

instead she offers him a slight sigh before shifting her body so that there is room for him to sit beside her in her alcove. after tonights fiasco she knew that he would find her, even after she determined everyone go home and sleep for the night — he was stubborn, he was cryptic, he was patient, he was a puzzle that she desperately tried to figure out. yet she knows that even if she figures out the picture that those jagged edges make she cannot have him — she isn’t supposed too….even if she wants that. “you know you can always talk to me hongbin..” she offers him, carefully looking up from the makeshift pillow that her arms have provided. “I like…it when you talk to me. when you come to see me.” 

hearing the reality voiced caused hongbin to pause for a moment. it was obvious. it was unavoidable. he did things that were unspeakable, that were unforgivable. but this was a dog eat dog world, and a man had to do what he had to do. he liked to think that, when not pushed to his extremes, he wasn't the worst guy - certainly nowhere near the best, but not the worst to be around, either. he could be arrogant, sarcastic, headstrong, argumentative.. but did that really make him a terrible guy? ...maybe. but hearing it being said made it so much more a reality. "sorry, but you know I'm only doing what I've gotta do out there."

as she moved, he moved as if in unison, shifting himself over to settle next to her. and when she admitted she liked being with him, it made his heart swell in his chest in a way that he completely hid from his expression or behavior. he had always told himself he was too old.. perhaps if this persisted when they were older - when the gap wouldn't be considered as large, and if she- ..that was as far as the thought ever made it. the way he looked at it, by the time in life he was thinking about he would either be in prison, or a cemetery. he hoped for the latter.

"I'll have to do it more often then," he commented offhandedly. he turned his head to look over her, how tired she looked. "you should be asleep, you know. it's not good to tell people to do something and then not do it yourself." it wasn’t long before his eyes closed and he leaned his head back slightly. "god I wish i had a fucking cigarette.." mostly, it was just something he was muttering to himself to help try to get the frustration out. sometimes he thought it was amusing, though. that of all the things in his life that he could be changing, he was trying to quit smoking.

but then his eyes were opening again and he was lifting his head up. “you know,” he started, at his tone serious but soon contradicted by the twisted smirk that tugged at a single corner of his lips, “I know you don’t want to hear it, but if she keeps acting like this she’s going to get all of our asses thrown in prison.” that’s all he said. he didn’t have to specify who or what he was talking about. all he had to do was feel out her reaction, and go from there.

[lhb1x1]

ofthiscosmos:

@lhb1x1· gave some cheezits for a starter 

exhausted was one of the few words left in her vocabulary that she knew the definition of without a doubt, deep within her bones. it was the heavy feeling in her limbs when she searched tirelessly for their disappeared leader. it was that jealousy curled in her chest when she saw gaggles of teens gossiping together in cafes that she passed with an entourage that could set fire to the whole town. it was constantly denying herself some of the only things that could ever make the girl less of a tool and more of the human being that begged for some recognition — she didn’t know, she couldn’t know.

after a rather intense race to get luna to safety she had dissolved the meeting and demanded that everyone go to their beds to get a good nights rest — there would be plenty of things to do tomorrow but in reality she only wanted alone time. after everyone had gone their separate ways, after everyone had tucked themselves into bed, after the hours had trickled by and 3am blared it’s time on her near to dying phone she was still sitting in the conference room, nestled in the alcove by the window which had become her safe place. every single thought, every single emotion, it was there she could whisper them to the wind and dream of what it meant to fly. at least, it is where it usually happened — at the appearance of a familiar face came the all too real ache that tightened her chest. “if you’re here to start another riot over luna’s recklessness go away — I don’t want to hear it.” 

more and more often as of late, hongbin found himself growing resentful of his current situation. but would he leave? no. absolutely not. it was obvious that was out of the question. besides, it was their newly appointed leader that bothered him more than anything else. and to be more precise, it was the way that she acted. the way that she led. he had never had a problem with her before - in fact, he had actually grown to like luna as a person. but once she had become their leader, he felt more like a babysitting service than a hardened criminal. not to mention, it didn't exactly do wonders ego that he was taking orders from a girl six years his minor who had absolutely no idea what she was doing.

he knew she wouldn't be sleeping. as the clock ticked he waited. waited. waited until the time he knew everyone but her would be asleep..

it was only then that he slowly made his way back into the room that they had crowded in hours before. and there she was, just as he had expected. how typical. not heeding her own advice after sending everyone else off to bed. had he not been so enamored with her - a reality that he was careful to keep to himself - he might have scoffed and rolled his eyes. but the matter that he was about to bring to her was something that he would have to tread lightly with - and would take more than one little secret meeting with her. but he was stubborn, and he was patient. any besides.. it was more time with byul..

“a riot?” he repeated her accusation back to her. “I’m not here to start a riot. why do you always expect the worst of me?” his face scrunched into a smile that was slightly sarcastic. after all, he himself knew best the answer to his own question. “no, I’m just here to talk to you. or is that not allowed, either?”

[lcghtupthesky-blog]

“you succeeded, probably — that guy looked scarred for life. I bet he won’t hit on anyone else ever again.” she doesn’t say it to patronize him, rather his surprised expression flashed past her eyes so quickly she couldn’t help but have it on repeat. she wasn’t sure why he did it other than she looked uncomfortable but even then he could have just spoken to him angrily, maybe threatened him, he didn’t have to go out of his way to hurt the other like that. she was worried for him, worried for his injuries. hell, she was just worried in general.

a small sound of excitement leaves her when she manages to pull her kit out of her bag, gently setting it on the others lap since she was kneeling down and he seemed to be convenient. “you didn’t know that I found you attractive?” she phrases the question around, knowing it was probably rhetorical but not wanting to miss the opportunity. she doesn’t know whats going on in his mind but she, somehow, wants to soothe all of it anyway. perhaps her heart is too big. perhaps he’s managed to do something to her.

though she doesn’t directly say anything to his statement, the smile that brushes barely against her lips shows that she doesn’t exactly agree with him — she seemed to get him hurt or make him angry more often than not. “It’s going to sting.” she warns lightly, having made prep for the alcohol wipes before gently dabbing at the cut that was most prevalent on his cheek, trying to be as careful as she could be. “I’m sorry…” a whisper, she was, truly.

“just let me fix you and you can go home.” thats all she wanted — to make sure he was carefully tended too as the least she could manage, she was the reason he had gotten like this after all. her sense of responsibility was high as she pressed at the various cuts in attempt to wash away the imperfections residing within. “I’ll probably stop inviting you places…things never work out.” fates way of saying maybe she shouldn’t be around him. “the gods seem to be pretty against it.” 

[lhb1x1]

when he felt a sudden pressure in his lap he looked down to see the kit, watching quietly as she started pulling items out of it. “how am I supposed to know if you never said anything?” he countered, perhaps a bit more venomously than he had intended. another sigh left him as he just tried to relax - he was honestly still too worked up. he had absolutely no energy and yet more energy than a single person should be allowed all at once.

his eyes had closed again by the time she was mentioning something would sting - and he barely had time to react to her words before gasping and flinching as the wipe made contact with the injury. “ah, jesus-” hongbin started, his eyes flying open again at the sensation and looking at her disdainfully. he knew that she was just trying to help - but he couldn’t help the fact that it had stung like a motherfucker. but he wasn’t going to stop her from doing what she had to do.

and he was thankful for her, truly. usually when he got into the occasional scrap, he had to tend to his own injuries. it was.. comforting to have someone who cared enough to help... cared-? that was a thought that seemed off to him. did she actually care or was she just doing this because he had gotten into this to protect her? he couldn’t know, but he found a small part of himself hoping that it was the first.

“maybe we should just stay away from the club scene for a while,” he offered. he couldn’t find it in himself to look at her, so instead he found himself staring at the floor as she continued to patch him up. all he wanted - all he really wanted - was to go home, but he wasn’t about to voice such a childish thought. “thank you for taking care of me,” he said again.

[lcghtupthesky-blog]

“you’re a really aggressive superhero to me right now.” she struggles, however barely, to force out a laugh at his expense. she wants to seems as if she’s amazingly amused by the whole affair, not freaking out slowly over the bruises on his face that make her feel guilty — she’s bad at covering what she feels in moments like this however, an open book when she doesn’t want to be. yet she doubts he notices, not at all, as he suddenly seems to come to his senses about the state that she sees him in. the fight wasn’t as brief as she knew it might have felt to him and both men were decidedly angry — weren’t women supposed to be pleased over this stuff? so why did she feel horrible?

“I wish you’d have thought before acting…” not because she was ungrateful, of course….but because she was worried about him in every way. thin hands reach to carefully guide him to sit, following the natural lead of his sliding, before she kneels at his side. “…a pretty face like this shouldn’t be bruised you know, it’s a disservice.” was her voice shaking like her hands threatened to do? she could barely hear it over the rush of relief in her body at the fact he was not hurt futher, that he had not been thrown unceremoniously outside to further injure himself. 

jiyeon isn’t even sure he’ll appreciate her poor humor but she has to do something, say something to make sure she doesn’t lose her mind in that moment. “I’m going to treat the cuts….so you don’t scar.” and she lets her hands fall away from his body, resisting the urge to pull him close to make sure he is something real for her — instead she moves to rummage around in the back she’d barely managed to nik in the time it took for them to grab him and push him away from his victim. “maybe I’m just your bad luck charm…”

[lhb1x1]

“yeah, don’t fucking mention it,” he said, his voice thick with sarcasm before taking in a sharp breath between his teeth and closing his eyes as the pain made his head throb. he wasn’t exactly in the mood to joke around right now. bringing a hand up over his mouth, he brought it back down again to find his index finger smeared with blood. there was only one word on his mind right then and he found it slipping past his lips quietly. “fuck..”

he knew she was right. he knew he should have thought before starting to throw punches. but when he was anything other than completely calm and cool, that wasn’t something he was exactly known to do. “I had to teach him a lesson,” Hongbin repeated himself, closing his eyes and leaning his head back against the wall. that was the best excuse he could think of. he really didn’t like seeing a man making her uncomfortable.. in fact, it did nothing short of make his blood boil. but he was used to seeing things like that happening, so why was that-?

“are you saying that you find me attractive?” normally, the question might have been more than just a little cheeky, but at the moment he wasn’t capable of anything of the sort. “thank you though, i guess we should try to salvage at least some of the pretty face.” he found himself going quiet at her remark. he didn’t think she was his bad luck charm at all, but then again, he wasn’t thinking much of anything at the moment.  “you’re not.”

he gave a soft sigh, opening his eyes again, only to stare blankly at whatever was in direct line of his sight. “call me crazy, but I don’t think I’m going to stay for very long.” at this point he was just trying to ignore the pain, pretend that it wasn’t affecting him in the least. but this was the second time that going to the club hadn’t worked out for them. was that a twinge of guilt he felt?

[lcghtupthesky-blog]

from the moment he had stepped closer to her form she knew that things were not going to go according to her plan — not one bit, not at all.

she’d offered for them to hang out in relative safety — he’d not liked her coming around to his scenery and so she had suggested a somewhat laid back club that kids her age seemed to frequent. it hadn’t been too far from her house and her coworkers of a younger variety had long since been begging her to come with them and party. she’d always declined, saving the invitation for a boy of better interest. 

she had been excited when he agreed ( however reluctantly ) and had even shown up ten minutes prior to when they had presumed to meet — dressed to the nines as a combination of sexy and cute, to appeal to his interest….she didn’t know if it had done it’s job but she knew it had attracted someone elses interest easily. she’d never seen that boy before and no matter how she tried to polietly tell him to go away he didn’t take a hint — dark orbs catching the visage of the other and trying to calm him down before he even managed to set foot close to her…. yet it had all come on a moment too late.

if it was jealousy or a reaction to her obvious discomfort she did not know but he had thrown the first punch, attracting the attention of many others, before being pulled away and forced away to cool down. it wasn’t seconds later that she found herself coming over to him, a slight shuddering to her voice. “hongbin….why?” feminine appendages carefully moving to grip his chin, avoiding his obvious dark bruises and cuts. “oh no…i’m…I’m so sorry…” @lhb1x1

[lhb1x1]

he sighed as he looked at himself in the mirror. was he all that excited to go to the club that she had suggested? not exactly. it certainly wouldn’t have been his first choice. but he knew she would be safer there. and he would have felt bad if he had rejected her request, but he wasn’t about to admit that to himself. by the time he grabbed his keys and glanced at the clock, he figured he would be there right on time.

but when he did get there, what he saw did nothing short of make his blood boil. and as his anger rose, his reason dove. the thought of even trying to call out or talk to the man didn’t even cross his mind - he had too short of a fuse for such civil interactions. instead he just did what felt natural. he was going to put him in his place.

hongbin could barely even recall what actually happened. his adrenaline was rushing, and all he knew was that in what seemed like a fraction of a second the two men were being separated and pushed apart. he staggered off to the side, faintly hearing someone following after him but not paying any attention to it. the reality of what shape he was in still hadn’t crashed upon him. in fact, as he turned he was ready to start throwing punches again - until he saw the small frame of jiyeon following him.

why did she seem so concerned? he was fine, wasn’t he-? wasn’t he..?

he started to feel some places ache slightly, but he still wasn’t concerned. “why? because some boys need to learn that when a lady says no, you leave them the fuck alone-” he stopped to take a breath, and that was when it hit him. all at once. he slumped back against the wall with a grunt, her hand being the only reason his chin didn’t hit his chest. “god.. fuck,” he swore softly as the significance of his injuries became apparent to him even if he couldn’t see them. “i need to sit down..” he muttered as he slid down the wall with a certain shakiness.

[lcghtupthesky-blog]

“I’ll never lead you astray —- I’ll get you there.” irony is thick upon her tongue, weighing heavily as she says such jaunty, calming words. it’s not lost upon her, the feeling that immerses upon her as she settles down against the back of her seat, she isn’t bothered…or at least she appears unruffled. there isn’t anything about him that frightens her…though she is sure, so sure, that it definitely should. 

because he is the imagined version of hades and she is much more open minded than persephone — damning herself without thinking twice about it because past all pretenses of her job, past all the innocence that she portrays, there is something about the rough, jagged edges threatening to cut her that she finds enchanting. he is the very definition of what she was warned about, from his head to his toes. “can you take us to the edge of the town? I can get you from there if it’s easier.” a smile, she doesn’t think he can see it but she’ll allow him to see it anyway. 

“stargazing?” he asks her why, an odd question but one she meets headlong anyway, eyes turned to the scenery that slowly crawls past her window. she wonders if she closes her eyes if she can feel the past brush by her — wonders if she can touch against the future that has yet to be determined. “I love the stars — it’s quiet, calming, beautiful. something that I cherish…sharing it with you sounds fun.” then she laughs, quietly, as she throws her all to the wind. “I know it’s not what you want…I’m sorry I ruined tonight.” 

[lhb1x1]

eyes quickly dart to the side for a moment before locking back on the road in front of them. he wasn’t sure why, but the comment seemed.. strange to him. harmless, but strange. “yeah. whatever you say.” he didn’t feel the need to comment any further than that on the subject. instead he just placed his elbow on the ledge the open window created, resting his head on his knuckles as he gripped the wheel with his free hand.

at her words hongbin immediately started to drive towards the edge of town, following her directions silently as he tried his best to calm down. of course, the easiest way for him to do that would have been to sit in complete silence - but it didn’t seem like that was going to be a possibility at the moment. “and why does it sound fun to share something like that with me?” the question may have sounded cold, but there was a certain sincerity in it. he found it hard to understand how she, or anyone, could think sharing something so.. soft with him would be fun. he by no means was a man with a soft personality.

then her final words left him silent for a moment. earlier, when he was still so worked up, he might have snapped and agreed with her. now he just rubbed his chin as they were stopped at a light, giving a cold little shrug. “you didn’t ruin it, i guess. guy’s gotta do something different every once in a while.” considering they were already so close - practically at - the edge of town, he looked over to her. “where do i go now?”

[lcghtupthesky-blog]

“I won’t do it again…promise.” she’s picked up on the subtle shift of his words — jiyeon wonders if, perhaps, anyone else would be able to do the same…if they’d even managed to catch the soft admonishment at all. she’s trying to battle down the smile that is threatening to quirk her lips upwards, knowing it would only cause him to scowl deeper and mar his rather handsome features. she wasn’t able to look contrite, however, and so she settles for biting her lower tier instead. 

however she still knows her victory is almost distinct when he concedes to spending time with her elsewhere — she’s positive he’s just worried for her ‘safety’ being that she is supposed to be a greenhorn to anything that has to deal with the dark aspects that cloud his daily life. perhaps he genuinely cares about her, perhaps he doesn’t want innocent blood to spill in the halls of the club. whatever the reason she knows that she can trust his intent, following along beside him as if she were an equal to the dark and brooding man she’d come to know — a small beacon of light, gathering stares as if they were stars in the pocket of her own galaxy. she pretends not to care, keeping close, keeping near, until she’s able to slip into the smooth interior of his vehicle.

“mmm, I know a nice spot on the edge of town.” she announces after a moment of contemplation, endless spheres glancing to him finally for the first time in minutes as she voices her wants to him. “it’s really good for stargazing….and talking.” the latter is quieter, something softening the edges of her gaze at him before she turns away, allowing the innate joy to shine there on her features. she is much more bright away from the flashing lights of the club, innocence permeating the air. she knows very well she’s suggested something that sounds close to a romantic moment and yet she doesn’t mind — he’ll say no if he doesn’t want too…but she believes that he won’t deny her. not now.

[lhb1x1]

though he was still - obviously so - very unhappy as he slammed the car door shut after her, he knew that he was at the point that his short fuse wasn’t going to be burned down any further. they were out, and he was taking her away. so as long as she didn’t get on his nerves he would be fine. and something inside of him was telling him that she probably wouldn’t. with an irritated huff he climbed into the driver’s seat, starting the engine and rolling down his window to stare out at the parking lot as he waited for her answer.

she could have said anywhere. it didn’t matter. and he wasn’t in the mood to care too much about where they were going to go as long as he took her away from there. “fine. wherever.” he had barely even given her the opportunity to finish speaking before he was agreeing, shifting the car into gear. “just tell me how to get there and i’ll take us.” had he heard what she had said? yes. had he really listened to what she had said? not so much.

was he disappointed that he was missing a night at the club? maybe a little bit. maybe a lot. if there was anything he could use right now, it was a drink, and maybe a smoke. but instead he was stuck taking jiyeon.. what had she said? stargazing? he had never done anything like that before. instead of growing up studying the stars he had grown up studying the mechanisms of a gun. “why do you want to stargaze?” he asked as he pushed on the gas pedal - much harder than was necessary.

[lcghtupthesky-blog]

“you don’t have to be mad though…” she returns calmly, the sound of her voice is decidedly more quiet in return, almost apologetic. she wants to seem contrite, careful to consider her actions as those same deep orbs sweep to her feet instead of looking him in the eyes. “I only came to see you…I didn’t mean to upset you.” it’s not a complete lie — should she be forced to socalize in such a place she was sure that she could manage it…and yet she knew it was easier to coax out his sweetness if it was just the two of them. it wasn’t a tragedy to leave, simply another stage in which to play. she considered herself to be quiet an adept actress.

jiyeon is careful to show just a tad bit of shock as she looks up, head jerking rather quickly because that isn’t what a girl like her is supposed to want to hear, right? he’d barely managed to say more than a few cohesive sentences that weren’t quick with anger and he’d announced their departure. “hongbin…” his voice is decisive, she knows that she won’t change his mind, and yet she has no liberty to really move for herself. her wrist is still in his hold, her life in the hands of a club that would rip her to shreds if they knew who she really was.

“I just got here…I haven’t even managed to do anything…” something of a sigh travels as she allows herself to shift weight, leaning just a tad bit closer to him in light of the situation already blossoming to an odd kind of fruition. “will..” she’s still attempting, however weakly, to struggle. everything she says is malleable to what she knows is an iron strong will, the barest bit of a pout to her lips. “will you take me somewhere else then? I got pretty for you…I should at least get a little bit of your time.” another sweep of her eyes, the barest tinge of pink dusting the apples of her cheekbones. one moment, two moments, three moments of silence and she speaks again. “a-ah…never mind…just…just lead the way.” 

[lhb1x1]

just because he didn’t have to be mad, didn’t mean that he wasn’t. “this wasn’t the place you had to come to to see me.” his voice was still stern, but this time there was a certain gentleness that was hidden deep in his tone. it wasn’t like they were strangers anymore. it wasn’t like neither of them had phones. there were other ways that she could have met up with him. she could get hurt here, and that wasn’t something that he wanted.

hongbin’s eyes remained fixated on her throughout the entire time she spoke, even though she refused to look at him in return for a short time. his expression remains stagnant as she leaned towards him - a blank slate, unreadable. it wasn’t something that he had always done, but it was something useful that he had picked up along the way. and it was only after a few moments that he parted his lips to speak. “i’ll take you someplace else, yes.”

it was immediately after that he was leading her out of the club and out to his car. he wanted to make sure she was safe, and he also wasn’t totally opposed to spending some time with her, so he would humor her request - even if he was more than just a little bit disgruntled. after unlocking his car he made his way to the passenger’s side, opening the door for her and standing behind it, waiting for her to climb in. his face was still expressionless - except for perhaps a small frown tugging at the corner of his lips. “where would you like to go, then?” if she wanted to go someplace so badly, he would just take her where she wanted.

[lcghtupthesky-blog]

from the very start he had been a mission — a call from the higher ups who found themselves at a loss because of the male. they considered him to be most wanted because of his activities, his reputation, and yet they’d never once been able to pin anything on him. he was an enigma – too fast, too intelligent, and just like sand, he continued to slip through their fingers. their obvious problem had come to a stand still for more than a year before she’d been drafted for her first real mission for the fbi ; seduce and capture the target.

she wasn’t a seasoned agent and yet her father merely patted her on her back and told her to make the family proud — the innocence she managed to keep despite her twenty four years was hammered in as her selling point. she would appear to be available without actually allowing him to move closer — she was their honeypot, their end all be all, and yet she felt as if she’d already managed to fail her assignment without having done anything of consequence. why? because there was just something about lee hongbin that managed to drag her down into the depths of the shadows which she’d never seen before.

she’d heard so many ghastly things about him that her hands were shaking the first time they spoke and yet he had not hurt her, had not even dared. there was a softness to his rough edges, a blunt tip to jagged pieces that had been haphazardly thrown together to create the adonis like figure she sought herself. she didn’t want to believe he was capable of anything and yet she knew he was, had seen it from a safe distance without him knowing — they called him a monster, yet she knew nothing of the sort. 

what she did know, of course, is that he wouldn’t take long in coming across her. she’d spotted him from across the room, familiar visage handsome even under the pulsing of harsh lights, the shattering volume of music that reverberated in her chest. she was modest and sweet amongst the half dressed and drunk patrons, she was a target for anyone who didn’t know whom she sought — her body yanked unceremoniously against a masculine figure as she passed, slight heat invading her senses as she looked to him from under her lashes. “here to see a show?”

mirth glitters like galaxies behind her eyes before she tries to right herself, balancing against the heels that gave her barely enough leverage to sneeze at. jiyeon, after all, was rather petite. “or here to see you….which one will make you less angry?” which one would he believe, her unspoke question.

[lhb1x1]

whichever one would make him less angry? that was the problem. once he was angry, it would be quite the feat to get him to calm down. and the look she was giving him.. the teasing expression, almost mischievous.. was something that he was not in the mood for. his fuse was lit, and it was a short one. she was lucky, though. he would never lay a hand on a woman - unless she happened to owe him money.

“neither makes me less angry,” he growled, leaning in to assure that she would be able to hear him even with his low tone. it was a pity, honestly. had she just shown up, maybe he wouldn’t have been so angry. maybe if the people around him could have kept their goddamn mouths shut-- but that wasn’t her fault, now was it? didn’t make him any less peeved.

it wasn’t just that though. the people. it was her. something gnawing at him deep down. he looked at the way she was dressed - certainly not attire for the type of club they were in. there was an innocence about her, and he wasn’t able to tell if it was intentionally and purposefully put there or whether it was genuine. but it didn’t matter to hongbin - he found it to be something that he wanted to protect. that wasn’t something he had ever experienced before. in his eyes the world was more or less every man for himself, so why was he suddenly feeling the need to protect this woman? it bothered him. it really, really bothered him.

“this night is over, we’re leaving,” he announced as he straightened himself back up - the tone in his voice leaving absolutely no room for objection to his statement. no ifs, ands, or buts. “we’re getting you out of here.” he would take her to his house if he had to. it’s not like he ever left or kept anything suspicious there. he wasn’t stupid enough to do that.

[lhb1x1]

starter for @lcghtupthesky

He was always there for the main event. If you needed to get in a word to him, or even if you just wanted to lay eyes on him, if you could find your way to the underground club he was guaranteed to be there. The words might fall up on deaf ears if he was anything less than fully interested, but that was beside the point. He couldn’t give less of a shit about the rest of the night, but as long as he would be able to see a few punches being thrown, he would be a happy man.

There was something that was different, however. He had heard several whispers about a certain girl there - and people seemed to want him specifically to know. Sure, he might have been hardened character, one who had done some.. less than reputable acts in the past, but if there was one thing that he could pride himself on it was the fact that he wasn’t a fucking pig. So it escaped him as to why all these people seemed so intent on him knowing about a girl walking around. The only one person that he could possibly think of that he would be concerned if he saw would be-

No. How would she have even gotten there in the first place? There was no possible way it could be her. So he just gave a very irritated glance at the latest person who had commented something particularly loudly near him, shaking his head as his temper started to boil up. In all honesty, Hongbin was about to hightail it out of there. He had had enough. He was getting fed up, and he wasn’t going to stand for it. That was - until he spotted a very familiar profile passing right in front of him.

Instinctively, a hand flung out and wrapped around her wrist, tugging her to him none too gently. “What the fuck do you think you’re doing here?” Hongbin growled at her.

In all honesty. Brissa had enjoyed not having a neighbor across from her. There was nobody to make noise complaints, nobody to make noise when she decided to squeezed in a bit of sleep every now and then. She very rarely ran into anyone in the hallway, and there was nobody to tell her the amount of sneakers and boots along with spare computer parts she had piling up outside her front door were excessive and a hazard. And all was well as she came home from her Sunday pilates class, at least until a moving truck was blocking her parking spot. Her parking spot, the one she’d claimed two years ago when she used all of her piggy bank, holiday and job money to start renting this place out.

She only side eyed the truck slightly, she was used to people moving in and out. If she had the money to, she’d be leaving as well. But from what it looked like, whoever the truck belonged to was moving in rather than out. As she trudged inside the building, her mind was racing with ideas as to which apartment was empty now, and she couldn’t quite place a finger on it. It wasn’t until she was three flights of stairs and walking towards her apartment door did she the shoe tracks of dirt leading down the familiar hallway. She eyed them carefully as she now stood at her door, but the shoe prints were directed across from her –– and it was like a part of her soul died. 

Immediately, she dropped her gym bag in front of her door and went to knock at the previously empty apartment door. She was ready to chew out a list of rules and expectations, Brissa was very much an outspoken person. But when the door swung open, she found the jumbled mass of words slip from her brain. He was… cute. A lot cuter than she thought he’d be, not that she had much expectations of the party ruiner across the hall within the three minutes of finding out about him and meeting him.”Oh, uh… hey. I’m just… gonna’ welcome you here. I see you just moved. Hi, I’m Brissa.”

[lhb1x1]

Hongbin wasn’t sure what to make of the woman’s reaction to him - she seemed surprised but.. she was the one who knocked on his door. Was she not expecting an answer-? Once more a relatively small hand reached up to brush through his hair, leaving it slightly tousled afterwards. “Oh, well thank you,” he said quietly, dipping his head down slightly more or less into a small bow. “I, yes, I did-” suddenly Hongbin cut himself off, stepping outwards into the hallway so that he could close the door behind him as a small blush rose on his cheeks. He was embarrassed for the mess behind the door - sure, a clean apartment couldn’t be expected as soon as he moved in, but he was a clean freak, and the thought of someone seeing his apartment in shambles was like a nightmare to him.

“It’s nice to meet you Brissa, I’m Hongbin..” he offered a hand to her as he introduced himself. Hongbin was a quiet man who usually depended on his friends to introduce him to people, so first meetings weren’t exactly his forte. “I just moved here from Korea so I’ll probably be locked up in my apartment most of the time..” Most of the time that he wasn’t working, that is. Not only did he not know very many - if any - people, but he was probably going to be homesick for a while as well as have to care for his daughter. Plus, he could barely afford to pay for the babysitter during his work hours as it was. “Uhm.. What apartment are you in?” he asked, his usual clueless smile started to tug at his lips, curious as to how close she lived.