A Suicide Safer Community
I’m sorry to be a party pooper and bring up such a heavy hearted topic in my plain little blog but I’m not sorry enough to completely skirt around the issue. It’s important that we engage in a conversation about suicide, even if it leaves us feeling temporarily wintry.
Research says that 5.5% of us have thoughts of suicide and one Australian citizen dies by their own hand every four hours.
Isn’t that utterly terrible?
And when people die this way they hand their family and friends a grief like no other. It is an experience of agony that is immeasurable.
But we can, as a community, act in ways that make a difference. Our personal conduct can provide a pathway for enhancing life. Together, we can promote healing and make a positive difference to vulnerable people.
Firstly, we must be dauntless when we suspect that someone is at risk of suicide and have the guts to ask, “Are you ok?” If they answer, “No I’m not,” invite them to say more and listen acutely to their story.
If listening is hard for you, sticky tape your lips together because this part is very important. Suicide is usually an unsound solution for a very knotty problem and we need to know what it is that they can’t face.
I’ve known people to consider suicide so they don’t have to see their mother-in-law on Christmas Day, to end physical pain, to prevent folks discovering they have an STD, to stop a gambling addiction or to avoid being beaten up in the schoolyard. By listening carefully when someone talks about suicide we can uncover their stuck point. I sometimes ask clients, “What problems would be solved if you were no longer here?”
Next, we need to tell them their perspective makes sense and avoid placating them with expressions like:
I’m sure your mother-in-law can't be that bad! Let me tell you about my Aunty June, she pole danced at my cousin Benny’s funeral!
Gambling is really in fashion now; haven’t you heard the ads on the radio?
Every kid cops a bit of bullying, if we all died of bullying there’d be no one left!
At least you’ve got an STD; I haven’t had sex since Star Wars was newly released at the cinema.
Instead, it is helpful for people to hear us say, “That sounds bloody hard and I’m really glad you’ve told me.” The relief that arises when someone makes sense of us is immensely curative.
Christmas time can be difficult to navigate when you have a lousy relative to deal with. I’m mighty glad you’ve said something.
You’ve got yourself in a tight corner by betting on the horses; It’s not as glamorous as the TV ads promise, is it?
Bullying can leave people feeling very lost and alone. Is that what it is like for you?
Visiting a doctor with a swollen scrotum can be demoralising. Thank you for trusting me to know this about you.
Lastly we can nudge/invite folks to take a safe action to resolve what is arising and follow up to check on their progress.
Conversations about suicidal ideation are daunting, mainly because the stakes are so darn high. My stomach does a back flip whenever someone says, “I have a plan to die” or some ghastly variation on this. But our willingness to set aside our fear and step towards their pain might just provide a bridge to mending their minds and hearts. Even if we fumble our way, rootless and hesitant, our goodwill is often sufficient.
