why???? whyhyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
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@licenzapoetica
why???? whyhyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
the horrific way language evolves in a group chat
I go silent when I'm upset and that's my worst trait
― Vladimir Nabokov, Letters to Véra
do you also zone out while someone’s talking to you because you’re too busy fantasizing about your fictional universe or have you not hit rock bottom yet
I don't feel guilt at being unsociable, though I may sometimes regret it because my loneliness is painful. But when I move into the world, it feels like a moral fall – like seeking love in a whorehouse.
~Susan Sontag
do you ever sabotage your own free time? like wtf is that about? i want to play this game or read or do something specific but instead i will just stare out the window or scroll mindlessly???
Last night, I told my mother "I wish I was dead" in a fit of rage and winter clouded her eyes. But it wasn't white and it wasn't quiet, it resembled something like helplessness and rage. She was in pain and I knew I hurt her. I wanted to say something, anything, but how do you withdraw a declaration of war? How do you stop the bombs that already destroyed homelands? In that moment I remembered how she always told me that when she was a kid, she was too afraid to sleep with the lights on. Not because she was afraid of monsters, but because she feared her grandmother would die. Because when you're a kid, not seeing it means it doesn't exist anymore. I saw the winter in her eyes again and I knew I had switched off the light, she wasn't angry, she was afraid.
And I also remembered how she always told me I'd always be 3 years old for her, always a child, and for the first time, I heard in the voice of a three year old "I wish I was dead". My heart broke. And I wanted to hug her and hold her, tell her I was sorry, that I didn't mean it. Before I could move a hand, she left the room. The entire evening, I saw myself as she saw me, a 3 year old child. I saw the child hurt herself and cry herself to sleep every week, fight her friends with her tiny hands and two ponytails, I saw her depression and her anxiety, I saw her yell "I wish I was dead" and I knew. I knew. I wanted to shout through the walls, yell and cry and tell my mother that now I KNEW, but I didn't. I wept and wept until I heard a quiet knock and a soft familiar voice whispered, "Dinner is ready".
-Ritika Jyala, excerpt from The world is a sphere of ice and our hands are made of fire
im such a fuckign jealous asshole i pretend like i dont care but i care so much im gonna explode
“Even when I detach, I care. You can be separate from a thing and still care about it. If I wanted to detach completely, I would move my body away. I would stop the conversation midsentence. I would leave the bed. Instead, I hover over it for a second. I glance off in another direction. But I always glance back at you.”
— David Levithan, The Lover’s Dictionary
when florence welch said ‘i’m the same, I’m the same, i’m trying to change, i am the same i am the same i am trying to change i am the same i am the same i’m trying to change’
may i present you
penguin pingu classics
mitski modern shakespeare methinks.
Make her laugh
"you sleep alot" yeah i’m trying to ignore the reality
whoever first decided that talking to yourself is weird was literally just a hater
like what's wrong? are you bothered because i'm having a conversation that doesn't involve you? mad because i have shit to say? jealous because i'm interesting and sexy enough to hold a discussion with myself? huh? bitch?