Life As a Barista

Stories and Struggles of the Barista Life

[offbrandbarista]

Customer: what’s the difference between an iced drink and a blended one?

Me: iced is going to be liquid served over ice. blended we blend it up with the ice so it’s got the consistency of a smoothie

Customer: ok so give me an iced mocha latte

Me: sure thing!

Customer: and now that mocha blended is that like… the ice is blended in? or do you pour it over ice.

Me: the mocha ice blended is blended up with the ice. Did you want that instead of your iced mocha latte?

Customer: well what’s the difference? What’s inside each?

Me: (deep breath) so the iced mocha latte is going to be espresso shots, milk, and mocha and I’ll pour it over ice. a mocha blended is nonfat milk, coffee, mocha and ice and we throw it all in a blender. Did you want the blended or do you want to keep the iced mocha latte.

Customer: nah it’s fine like that.

Barista: here’s your iced mocha latte

Customer: um… excuse me… that’s supposed to be blended.

Me:

[lifeasabarista]

"I want a medium green tea."

"Okay, did you want that hot or iced?"

"Hot."

"Okay."

"I also want an added shot of chai."

"...Sure."

"And coconut milk."

"Okay. Do you want like cold or hot coconut milk added to your hot green tea?"

"Hot."

"Sure."

*Prepares tea bags with the added hot water and pumps some chai in*

*continues to ring up customers*

*fellow barista yells over from the pass and customer is looking frustrated* "Is this a green tea or a green tea latte?"

"He said hot green tea? With all the additives."

*Customer is frustrated* "I wanted a coconut milk green tea latte with a shot of chai."

Okay. And you couldn't order it like that the first time because....? Seriously. The "latte" part of that order would've been super helpful to begin with.

😒

[lifeasabarista]

"Does the large come with three shots or two? Someone confused me and told me that the large iced one only comes with two?"

*overhearing order on register*

"A large iced espresso beverage comes with three shots ma'am. I'm not sure why they would have told you different at another cafe."

"Oh okay. Yeah that's what I thought but then that happened. I'd like a large iced white mocha please with light ice and whipped cream!"

"Okay is that all for you?"

"Yes."

*drink gets passed down to me to make*

*puts white mocha in and starts to pull three shots while finishing a frozen beverage and setting shots off for the next doppio espresso in line*

*three shots are pulled and the drink is pulled off the espresso machine and replaced with the doppio espresso cup*

*-to me-* "Does that have three shots?"

*not only is cup marked clearly with three and has the customer had a long conversation at the register about the espresso situation but a NORMAL beverage of that size and type AUTOMATICALLY comes with three shots. ALL OF THEM*

*places milk and ice in drink and tops it off with whipped cream*

"Yes."

*hands drink off as lady looks at it skeptically*

😒

[lifeasabarista]

"Hi! Can I get a large frozen green tea?"

"Sure. Did you want it sweetened?"

"Wait! Let me tell you."

*stares at lady having already pushed all necessary buttons on the computer waiting for her to speak again*

"Okay....?"

"Nonfat."

*pushes button immediately and continues to stare at lady talking super slow for absolutely no reason*

"No whip."

.....................

"Sweetened with sugar free vanilla instead of-"

"Yes?????"

"With a dome lid."

"Okay."

*grabs cup and writes everything down super quickly because I'm not that slow and the order is not complicated at all. Sugar free vanilla nonfat no whip frozen green tea with a dome lid... Done!*

"Anything else?????"

"nope."

*customer places six dollars down on the counter*

*as I pick up the money, am already getting change ready* "how much is it?"

*stares at lady as if she's insane* "5.57?" *Quickly hands her change*

"Thanks."

*Lady walks to the end of the bar to pick up her drink*

"Was it made with sugar free vanilla?"

😒

[lifeasabarista]

"I'd like a soft cake."

"Umm.. soft cake? Which pastry are you talking about?"

*points at banana bread in the corner of the pastry case*

"You want the banana bread?"

"The soft cake all the way in the corner right there!" *Points on other side of pastry case so it's just an obscure location of a whole section of different breads*

"The one closest to the corner?"

"Yes. Two."

"Okay. That's a banana bread. Did you want them warmed up."

*makes no eye contact with anything relevant to the current situation at hand*

"Yes."

*goes to warm up banana bread*

"Um excuse me? Did you hear me? I want the soft cake right there against the corner and the wall."

"All the way on your left?"

"Yes."

"Yeah that's the banana bread that I got for you."

"It's banana? You don't have soft cake?"

"I have all of those loafs and any other pastry you see in this case but that one is only banana."

"Okay."

*finish transaction*

*pulls breads out of oven*

"Here you go."

*Customer sticks face in bag*

"What is this? Why did you make it hot?!?!"

"I asked you if you wanted them warm and you said yes?"

*starts to spaz angrily at the register unintelligibly and grabs bags and shuffles them around angrily*

"Do you just not want them warm???"

"No!"

"Okay."

*grabs two new banana breads from rack and throws them in bags*

😒

[lifeasabarista]

"I'd like another dark roast please."

*grabs coffee cup half full of cold coffee from man and assumed he needs a refill*

"Okay, that'll be 53 cents."

"53 cents?!?! Why isn't it free?"

"It's free if you have a loyalty card. Did you have one of those?"

"No, it's just that it should be free. That coffee was watery and it didn't taste right at all. So I'm not paying for another one."

*continues to throw a hissy fit at the register as I turn around and grab him a fresh cup of dark roast*

"Here you go." *Rings in 100% discount*

*man grabs coffee and huffs off*

You could just like open your mouth and explain that to me instead of throwing a fit like a child.

😒

[lifeasabarista]

*six drinks are sitting on bar waiting to be made and there's a line of 10+ people waiting for their order to be taken*

"Drink ready for Bree!"

A woman comes up and grabs it and smiles.

"Thank you!"

*Two minutes later, an obviously cold drink, appearing to be an iced coffee sits in the pass waiting to be picked up.*

"Excuse me, I thought you said Mary when you called this drink and I accidentally took a sip of it. But actually, *points to cold drink* this one is mine. Sorry."

You picked up a hot drink after ordering a cold drink...? For a name that is most definitely not yours...

*Eight drinks now sit on bar. The line continues to grow.*

😒

[lifeasabarista]

"Can I get two doppio espressos?"

*hands him two doppio espressos*

"Is this espresso?"

*points right into the cup and knocks it out of hand. Espresso spills out onto the counter*

"Yes. That's now one of two doppio espressos."

*pulls two more shots of espresso*

"Here you go."

"This is it? I wanted espresso."

"Yes that is two shots of espresso."

"Well can you make it hot? I'm going to put cold milk in it. It's going to make it cold."

"Make it hot? It comes out hot? Do you just need steamed milk?"

"Sure. Whatever. Just make it hot."

*adds steamed milk*

So like you could just order an espresso machiato or a latte....

😒

[lifeasabarista]

“Can I get a fresh brew, breakfast blend?”

“Sure, what size did you want?”

“Small.”

“Would you like any room?”

“Room?”

“For cream?”

“...sure.”

*pours coffee and hands it to her*

“Um.. what is this? I wanted a hot tea. Breakfast blend...”

“English Breakfast Tea?”

“Yes.”

“...okay...”

It’s just that you said fresh brew. And breakfast BLEND. What?

😒

[lifeasabarista]

"Hi, how can I help you?"

×look over at an incident happening on the left×

"Look me in the face."

"Excuse me?"

"You need to look at me since I'm ordering."

What the fuck? I don't have to look at you if I don't want to. In some cultures, it's rude to do so how about you just give me your order?

"What were you ordering?"

"A small coffee."

"Ok. Is that all?"

"Yes."

×walk away and put coffee in small cup and hear some mumbling×

×hand coffee off to rude ass man×

×he pulls lid off×

"See. You're not paying attention. I wanted room for cream. But you have something more important happening off to your left and can't even pay attention to my order."

"Actually I was taking care of a store issue earlier and then you obviously weren't talking loud enough for me to hear you so no, that's not at all what was happening. You weren't loud enough for me to hear."

"You don't argue with the customer."

Fuck you, you stupid motherfucker. It's just that this job is barely worth my time. I hope you fucking trip and spill that coffee all over yourself for talking to anyone the way you have been. Fucking stupid motherfucker.

"Its 2 dollars and 7 cents."

😒

[lifeasabarista]

“Can I get a double triple espresso? ...In just one cup.”

“Wait, do you want a double or a triple?”

“I want a double of triples. So like double that.”

“...So you just want six shots of espresso in one cup?”

“Yeah..”

😒

[lifeasabarista]

“So just one small coffee for you today? It’ll be two dollars.”

“No! I came here for a refill. I’m not paying two dollars! I’m supposed to be charged for a refill.”

Okay, then maybe try telling me that before yelling and screaming when you had yet to inform me. I can’t read your mind.

“Sure thing. 50 cents it is.”

😒

[lifeasabarista]

“You forgot my food! I can’t believe it. How could you make me wait all this time for my food? This is unbelievable.”

*this is yelled in the middle of a entirely different transaction where the customer was greeting me and getting ready to order*

“What bagels? The two bagels or the breads you got? What are you missing? I saw her hand you the other food and she was getting your bagels?”

“YES THE BAGELS”

*walk towards fellow barista*

“Did you get the bagels for that customer earlier?”

“Yeah, I called them out. They should be sitting at the pass.”

*walk over to the pass where the two bagels are waiting, ready to go*

“They’ve been waiting for you to pick them up the whole time, sir.”

😒

[lifeasabarista]

“Can I get a strawberry tea with light ice and no water, extra djfbeiehabdco!”

“Wait, extra strawberries?”

“No strawberries are fine!”

“Wait, you said extra what?”

“Extra tea!”

“Wait no water right? Light ice?”

“Yeah and extra tea!”

“So yeah, that would already be extra tea... there would be nothing in it but a little bit of ice and just tea.”

“Oh, I didn’t know.”

😒

[lifeasabarista]

“I’d like your strongest and your smallest.”

*smiles at me*

“...Strongest and smallest what?”

“Um, coffee?”

“Okay, like just plain drip coffee or a handmade drink?”

“I don’t know, just coffee?”

“Okay, we have light, medium, and dark. Do you want strongest in taste or caffeine?”

“Caffeine.”

“So a light roast?”

“I just want strong like espresso and with milk.”

“Oh okay, well that would be a latte then.”

“Okay.”

*writes latte and gets accompanying friends drink figured out*

*Lady pays and walks to the pick up area*

*fellow barista on bar points at her cup and turns to me*

“Can you get her a small dark roast?”

“But she wanted a strong coffee with steamed milk? Strong in caffeine?”

“I don’t know. She wants a dark roast now.”

😒

[lifeasabarista]

“What comes in your special tea?”

“Green and Herbal Tea.”

“Can I switch the Herbal Tea out for a fruity tea?”

“Sure.”

“Oh, and my husband would like a quarter pound bag of espresso.”

“We sell pounds.”

*Husband* “No, you can do it. Just click on a-“ button that doesn’t exist, “and multiply it by the .25.”

“I have buttons for kinds of coffee and half pounds.”

“You can definitely do it. I used to work at a cafe. It was easy to do.”

That’s not a thing.

*line forms itself so long it’s literally a line from hell*

*all baristas are trying to solve this espresso problem, no ones taking orders.*

So if your husband used to work at one of these, how is it that he can’t tell you what Tea comes in our special tea? Hmmm? Why don’t you ask your expert?

😒

[lifeasabarista]

*Man impatiently stares at me from the bar with his arm outstretched in my direction holding an empty water cup from our water dispenser table*

*I manage to get a break in between the five drinks I have waiting to be made and grab the cup from him and start to fill it with water*

“Your water dispensers empty.”

No shit.

😒