That Other Coffee Place

Shift Supervisor at a chain store. Thanking God every day I don't work for the Siren. Believe it or not, I love my job.

[offbrandbarista]

The coffee shop equivalent of putting the empty OJ carton back in the fridge

[offbrandbarista]

99% of Credit Card Transactions

Customer: (hands me their credit card)

Me: (pointing to pin pad) oh I’m going to have you slide that right there

Customer: (slowly moves towards pin pad with confusion, tries to insert their card into the chip reader)

Me: it’s going to be slide (gestures to the side)

Customer: (starts to pull out the gift card saying “Slide” from the chip reader)

Me: we don’t take chip. you’re going to slide it right here on the side

Customer: (pulls card out of chip reader, inserting theirs) This was in there, i think someone forgot their card

Me: that’s just in there to let you know to slide your card

Customer: oh it’s slide?

Me: Yeah we don’t have the ability to accept the chip

Customer: but my card has a chip

Me: I know, we still can’t take it.

Customer: But-

Me: You’re. Going. To. Slide. Your. Card.

[trinity-of-defendingdorks]

I just swipe it myself. It’s easier.

[offbrandbarista]

We’re not allowed to do that. It’s a CYA thing for in case a customer’s card info is stolen somewhere

[offbrandbarista]

Got a new cookbook. Found this. I had to fix it.

[offbrandbarista]

as a barista this is the most relatable song I’ve heard in a while

[offbrandbarista]

Attention Customers:

If you take any of the spice shakers off the condiment bar and sit with it at your table for any length of time, you are being rude. Items on the condiment bar are there to be shared by all. By monopolizing it you are stopping other people from doctoring their own drinks. Leave it at the condiment bar and go back to add more as needed.

Sharing is caring.

[offbrandbarista]

The power went out yesterday. This total Karen was very confused as to why we couldn’t make her drink. She goes back to the register to get her money back.

As we’re refunding her from our tips because we can’t open the register she leans in and says, “I like your coffee more but I’m just going to have to go to Peet’s across the street.”

Lady... the entire block lost power. There’s another of our stores a mile down the street. But nope. She wants to go to Peet’s. 🙄

[offbrandbarista]

your hours are not short because you filed a complaint. your hours are not short because I’m mad at you.

hours are affected by the availability of your peers, last year’s sales, what our district manager will approve, and how the manager is able to fit all these crazy puzzle pieces together.

stop over-analyzing your hours. there is zero meaning behind it.

[offbrandbarista]

What happens when you gather 400 professional baristas under one roof?

You all drink the world’s shittiest hotel coffee.

[offbrandbarista]

An actual customer complaint:

“Why do you no longer sell [insert obscure holiday flavor]? Why is it not sold in a can to make at home?! I love this flavor and every time I’ve asked for the past 2 weeks they’ve been sold out! If it’s always sold out it must be popular. Do you not understand how good business works?!

[offbrandbarista]

I’m telling my customers that I’m leaving for training in the next couple weeks. when they ask and I tell them what store I’m moving to, most people tell me how lucky I am because it’s “such a good store.”

AND THEN THERE’S PAUL. what does paul tell me? “oh! good for you! there’s a fuck ton of homeless people and the parking sucks! and the customers there are assholes. but the tips are good and the hookers moved away from that corner months ago!”

[offbrandbarista]

Customer: oh my goooooood! you have a rose latte? does it actually taste like rosé??? That’s amazing!! I love rosé

Me: oh... it’s not a rosé latte. It’s rose... like the flower. It tastes like roses

Customer: oh.... that’s no fun... you should make a rosé latte!

[offbrandbarista]

Me: so why do you want a job here instead of returning to In & Out? You clearly build yourself a reputation there

Interviewee: Personally I love the atmosphere of coffee shops more. You have a better chance of making someone’s day. Plus, I love the smell of coffee and I would love to go home smelling like coffee instead of french fries

Me:

[pileofknives]

Attention all customers: our store will be closing in five minutes. If you are present in the store after closing you will be hunted for sport.

[offbrandbarista]

[offbrandbarista]

a great installment to any coffee shop bathroom

[offbrandbarista]

Customer: (pointing to help wanted sign) So who left?

Me: (in the zone making a drink) I'm sorry... I missed the question. Can you repeat that.

Customer: (slowly, as if I'm stupid) you're looking for help. who quit?

Me: oh that would be Katie and Erica. They both had better job offers on the table

Customer: well maybe the manager should have paid them more and not stiffed them on raises

Me: that's not what happened. they've been given hefty raises every year for the past 3 years. Barista is not a lucrative career path and this is normally a temporary fix until someone can start their dream job. They're following their hearts and even though we were sad to see them go, we're happy to see them succeed.

Customer: well it's a shame. they were better than everybody here.

Me: I have faith that  everybody here is on their game and can make just as delicious a drink. I think all my staff are superstars especially when you look at some of the other coffee shops in the area. We far outshine them in consistency and friendliness.

Customer: yeah but those two girls were special. like they'd just know that you like your drink double cupped so you wouldn't ever have to remember yourself.

Me: is this your way of telling me you like your drink double cupped?

Customer: yes, but I really shouldn't have to ask. the other girls just knew! they even drew hearts on my lid when I was having a bad day! nobody else does that. the manager of this place was an idiot to not offer them the moon and stars to stay here.

[offbrandbarista]

My DM....

... the man that is technically my boss 2 levels up....

... a man in charge of 15 stores and has been in business for god knows how many years....

.... the man that’s been on my ass about cutting labor and gets to make financial decisions for my store...

... the man that thinks I don’t have enough knowledge and business acumen to be a GM “just yet”...

just told me that that labor overages are caused by people not clocking in and out on time and it’s my responsibility to coach my team about the importance of sticking to their schedules.

(for the uninitiated, labor overages are caused by the store being slower than forecasted and can only be determined after the end of the day. is this something I would expect a barista to know? Nope. But a district manager? Yes. Absolutely.)