Life Got Weird

I’m Zeke, an online life coach with a BS in psychology. My specialties are in building and breaking habits, and I'd love to help you. To learn more or make an appointment, visit http://www.LifeGotWeird.com

[lifegotweird]

Milkshatiation

You know what I love? A nice, thick milkshake. Rich and creamy, preferably with strawberry chunks and Oreo crumbles. That’s the good stuff right there, and sometimes there’s nothing better after a hard session at the gym to reward myself for my efforts. They’re a great reinforcer, if you remember the last article – they’re a primary reinforcer so they regain their value over time, they’re quickly delivered with a stop at the nearest drive-through, and they’re distinctly pleasant. Even a mediocre milkshake is worth the trip. Top notch reinforcement.

You know what I hate? Drinking too much milkshake and getting heartburn, and feeling sluggish. That’s the essence of satiation – when you’ve had enough and just don’t want anymore. That point when someone could give me a milkshake for every single rep, and I’d still walk away. I call it “Milkshatiation.” I actually don’t, but I should, right?

Let’s retread a bit of familiar ground with reinforcement. If I paid someone with a milkshake every time they edited an essay for me, it wouldn’t matter how many I offer if they’re already full. Conversely, I could promise someone trying to cut back on his pot smoking a milkshake every day he didn’t smoke an entire ounce before work – but if he’s already full of milkshakes from the munchies after the last pre-work ounce, that reward isn’t going to work. Satiation, effectively, makes a reinforcer stop working. There’s also an advanced state of satiation where you reach aversion; that happens when you drink so much milkshake you spend the next day on the toilet, smoke so many cigarettes you throw up, or drink so much you have an all-day hangover. The point where you say “I’m never doing that again,” and in many cases you really don’t for a month or more. Satiation is strong enough that it can overcome the reinforcement value inherent in nearly anything; that makes it something to be wary of when building a habit, but it can also be something to embrace when breaking one. You just have to put it to work sometimes. So how does one put it to work? You already know you should reward yourself for meeting a goal, whether it’s doing something more, less, or not at all, but what do you do if what you’re trying to reward yourself with just isn’t doing it? It’s easy to find a new reward for adding a behavior, but how do you reward yourself for not doing something? What do you do when the substitute just isn’t as good as the original, and all you really want is another cigarette, a drink, to break your diet, or to just do nothing but play video games all day? Well, behavioral psychology tells you to just go ahead and do it. Get it out of your system. The thing about stopping a behavior is that something drives you to do it, and there are two key approaches to ending it. For self-reinforcing behaviors, rewarding yourself for is vital, but it may not be enough; dieters run into this often as they start a new trend, start lapsing more and more, and soon enough find themselves back in their old habits. A cheat day, however, mitigates this by taking the power away. A day of indulgence creates satiation and reduces the reinforcement or even renders it ineffective – the more satiated you are, the easier it is to resist that temptation. While it may seem counter-intuitive, behavioral change is a numbers game; even if the plan is to quit smoking entirely, switching from a pack a day to a pack every other day is a tremendous shift. If the goal is to go low carb, six days of abstinence and one day of all the pizza you can eat will still leave you better than where you started. Eventually that “once a week” cheat day can become eight days, nine days, two weeks, three weeks, and one day, you’ll realize you don’t even miss what you left behind. One last tip – just because you’re already satiated to the point of not wanting to indulge in your bad habit is no reason to stop reinforcing yourself for avoiding it; that might be one of the best points for it. Your bad habit has much less appeal than usual then, giving the replacement behavior and reinforcer much more by comparison. The end goal is to make the new behavior more appealing than the old one, and capitalizing on that moment of milkshatiation is paramount.

Now that you know the basics of behavior, I’m going to show you what they look like in action. Send me a message (here or via my contact page at http://www.lifegotweird.com/contact.html) and I'll send you a copy of my thesis writing behavioral plan; you’ll learn how I wrote an honors thesis in just under a month! Don't forget, if you need a refresher all my past articles are available at http://www.lifegotweird.com/articles.html. Come make a change!

[lifegotweird]

Tasty Treats

Hey everybody! Last time we talked, I told you about incompatible behaviors, and I mentioned reinforcement and satiation, two other key elements of behavioral change. Any behaviorist will tell you that the second two things go together, but today we’ll start with the reinforcement side of things. Reinforcement is, to put it simply, something that makes someone do something more. Sounds simple, right? Well, yeah, it is. Reinforcement makes life work, it’s how we learn to do things and learn to keep doing them. It happens inherently, naturally, or intentionally, and there are three big things to know about it – what kinds there are, what makes it effective, and when to use it.

(This is usually where the "Sign up for my newsletter to learn more!" window goes, but I hate those things, too. If you find this article helpful, I’d appreciate if you sign up for my newsletter after reading.) 

Reinforcers can be positive or negative, primary or secondary. Because positive and negative cause so much confusion we’ll address them first. Positive reinforcement is something you add when something happens, and negative is something you take away. Positive reinforcement includes things like a tasty dinner after you try a new recipe, laughing when you see a movie, or being paid for your time on the job – all things that are added in exchange for something else you did. Negative reinforcement is includes things like putting on a jacket when it’s chilly (you remove the unpleasant cold feeling), doing a task someone is hounding you on (you remove the annoyance of being nagged), or washing the dishes that have been in the sink all week (you remove that funky smell from your kitchen). You take something unpleasant away as a reward for performance. As an aside, that means negative reinforcement is NOT punishment – a punisher is intended to stop a behavior. Positive punishers are adding something unpleasant whether it’s an annoyed glare, a bad performance review, or a kick in the shin. Negative punishment takes something away, like TV privileges for sneaking out at night or 200 dollars for speeding. Punishers are also a last resort because they’re generally ineffective and can often teach the wrong lesson; many of us are familiar with the lesson of not getting caught. Beyond the distinction of positive and negative reinforcement, there are primary and secondary reinforcers. Fortunately, this is much easier to differentiate: primary reinforcers are ones that are inherent to us, while secondary are learned. Food, drink, and sleep are basic primary reinforcers, things we can do to our heart’s content and always need again. This is why so much dog training starts with treats – even if your dog gets full and wanders off, they’ll get hungry again and the value will return. This also works with college students and pizza. Secondary reinforcers, conversely, are things we’ve learned and can often get enough of. Money is is among the most prominent secondary reinforcers, and its flexibility means most people will always want more (or need, in our capitalist hellscape). On the other hand, we only want so many comfy chairs, no matter how much we love to sit and how long we do it. Without a chair breaking down, that need doesn’t replenish on its own. As another example, you can give someone a brand new video game for finishing a big task, but a second copy of the game isn’t going to have much value – the need doesn’t replenish no matter how great the game is and how much someone wanted it originally. To the contrary, things which deplete such as money, play time, or a coffee buzz are more likely to retain their value over the long term. In practice, I’ve found that primary and depleting secondary reinforcers are great ways to maintain a step by step process and encourage each step that’s closer to the goal. A big, permanent secondary reinforcer is a great way to reward meeting a goal entirely since it doesn’t need to be repeated, but it provides a strong incentive to reach the goal that small rewards may not provide. So you know what reinforcers are, but how do you make them work? You use the DISC principle – that’s deprivation, immediacy, size, and contingency. In other words, it has to be something you want, it has to be quick, it has to be worth the effort, and it has to follow the wanted behavior. If the point is to reward a hungry ice cream loving college student for studying, for example, a great method is to give them a sixteen-ounce milkshake as soon as they finish reading a chapter in a textbook they hate. On the other hand, giving a one gallon milkshake to a lactose intolerant student three hours after they failed a test they didn’t study for won’t do anything for their study habits – although it might make them annoyed by your sarcastic offerings. This applies to negative reinforcement, too. Have you ever had someone who’s constantly on your case who doesn’t acknowledge what you did or, even worse, immediately moves on to something else? The negative reinforcement is still there - that one fails the size, immediacy, and contingency tests! If the same person was driving you nuts but shut up about it and thanked you for your hard work before leaving you alone, of course, the negative reinforcement would be very effective; you’d even be more likely to do what they wanted before they started bugging you about it next time. That brings us to the other big component of reinforcement – the reinforcer schedule. Reinforcement can be delivered on a fixed or variable schedule, based on ratio or interval. While it sounds complicated, there are a few constants between them all, and they’ll help you decide what’s right. Ratio and interval schedules refer to if a reward is handed out based on events or time; it can be easier to understand this concept by asking “Do I make it happen, or do I wait for it to happen?” A reward handed out every time you mow the lawn is a ratio schedule, one handed out at the end of the day if you mowed the lawn at least once is an interval. In daily life, most people work on an interval schedule, getting paid at the end of the pay period. Commission jobs, however, are a ratio schedule, being paid whenever they finish a task or tasks. Schedules are also classified as fixed or variable, which is just what it sounds like – rewards are given at exact or varied times. If you push a button and a treat comes out, it’s a fixed ratio, making vending machines a fantastic fixed ratio reward system (as long as they work – but that’s a subject for another time). Variable ratio schedules work out to an average, but don’t have a guarantee. You pull the lever, you may or may not get a reward, but the lure of it keeps you going. In case it’s not obvious, slot machines are the ultimate variable ratio reinforcer schedule, with the lure of the big one and the intermittent small rewards keeping players coming back for more. So what’s the best thing to use? Well, that depends on the intent, but variable schedules produce a constant work rate, and fixed produce a rate that includes more breaks (there’s a great article on schedules with a great chart at Boundless). Variable ratios and intervals are best for keeping attention over the long term, but fixed ratios are better at getting someone started. In the end, it’s best to keep your options open – you may start with one and find it’s not working, or may switch to another because your needs changed. Just remember the behaviorist’s credo: “There’s no step too small and no reward too large.” If you make progress and the reward is worth it, keep it up. If you’re not making progress and the reward isn’t worth it, change it up. One final note of caution – a reinforcer is best when it’s in addition to the norm, not in place of. Don’t skip whole meals you’d normally eat, for example, or suddenly decide your morning trip to the coffee shop doesn’t happen until you’ve finished your entire shift at work. Hunger might be a negative reinforcer, but it’s also an unhealthy solution. Next time, we’ll talk about satiation, the third big piece to a behavior change – something that affects starting and stopping, as well as reward. Cheat days, ineffective reinforcement, and even the dreaded overdoing it! (Once again, if you found this article helpful or want to know more, consider signing up for my newsletter or even setting an appointment. I’d love to teach you more and get you on the path to permanent change.)

[lifegotweird]

A question for you: How many times have you tried to break a habit only to fall back into it by default? Be honest, it’s okay. If you’re like most of us, you probably fail more than you succeed. It almost feels like you inevitably fall back into the habit, doesn’t it? That’s okay – failure is a key element of learning, but with the right tools and knowledge you can skip a lot of those failures. It doesn’t matter if you’re trying to stop biting your nails, eating junk food, or smoking, there’s one key thing you can do to massively improve your odds of quitting and keeping it that way. Don’t worry, this isn’t one weird trick developed by a schoolteacher who doctors hate– it’s a well-known, evidence based principle of behavioral psychology. (This is the part where I originally was going to say, “Sign up for my free newsletter, and I’ll give you my free PDF guide” – but you know what? I’m not gonna do that. I’m not here to use cheap sales tricks, so instead I’ll say “If you find this article helpful, I’d appreciate if you sign up for my newsletter after reading.”)

Here’s the big secret: you have to replace your bad habit with a good one. That’s really what it all comes down to. If you want to stop doing something wrong, you should start doing something right. In behavioral psychology, we call it an incompatible behavior. Your grandparents probably called it “Idle hands are the devil’s playthings”, but in the end the principle is the same – you do something so you can’t do something else, and I’m going to show you how to get started. The first step is to figure out when you’re doing what you’re doing, and sometimes that’s easier than others. If you’re drinking too much, but only drink at bars, you already know step one is to go to fewer bars. But what if you’re trying to stop smoking, or pick your nose less? “Wait a minute, don’t people smoke when they have a craving, or pick their nose when they’re idle?” I bet you’re asking, and you’re right, but things are rarely that easy. Let’s take smoking, for example, which has components of addiction and habit built into it. We all know that smokers have cravings that drive them to stand outside the office doors in the rain, but like any other habit there are things that prompt them to smoke besides biology. If a chemical mechanism was the only factor at play, one could safely assume people would only smoke when the time comes, but ask a smoker – they have places they always smoke, and people they always smoke with. How many people smoke regularly with a routine pattern, but also whenever they’re at a party? Drinking? When their old bathroom smoking buddy from high school makes a yearly visit? These things sudden cravings clearly aren’t just timing – they’re classical conditioning. That person’s been Pavlov’d into a smoke, whether or not they wanted one before . This is where incompatible behaviors come in, proving to be more effective than raw willpower, avoidance, and punishment (yes, that includes rubber band snapping, depriving yourself of something, or those goofy wristbands that shock you). If you want to stop doing something, don’t give yourself a chance to do it. If you want to keep not doing it, try and replace it with something better. This is why the old advice of chewing gum to quit smoking is pretty good, even if it should be more specific. Admittedly, “Chew gum when you want to smoke or you’re in an environment that would prompt you to smoke at a time you normally wouldn’t,” isn’t quite as easy to blithely throw out when someone mentions quitting, but it is more accurate. The key is to pick something that makes it difficult, if not impossible, to smoke, and that’s easier than it sounds. In the case of a party smoker, occupied hands can provide that opportunity. Drinking a beer? Keep it in your hand. Keep a snack in your other hand. Hold onto an empty at all times. Is it cold out, and all the smokers are outside lighting up? Lose the gloves and keep those hands pocketed. The last example works best in whiteout conditions of course, as 60 degree weather never stopped any serious smoker, but the example is what’s important. Even more effective than diversion is replacing that behavior entirely, serving to not only reduce the power of a craving but to build a better habit. This is especially effective for those more routine cravings – the lunch break cigarette, the breakfast smoke, the bedtime booster – and can be used to ride it out by diverting your focus. The classic standard here is vigorous exercise, and for good reason; proper exercise takes energy and focus, and it’s awfully hard to smoke while you’re out of breath or have your hands full of barbell. If that’s not an option, keep yourself mentally occupied with something active that requires your hands until the craving passes. Start investing that time into writing a book, painting, reading, knitting, crocheting; anything that requires both your hands and your focus can be a remarkably effective alternative. Although cravings won’t instantly go away, nor will the bad habit you’re working on, they will begin to diminish. They’ll become less intense and shorten in duration; even better, now you’ve conditioned yourself to do something better instead. Yes, even that loathsome beast called “working out” starts to become something you feel the need and even desire to do – even if it takes a few months. But there comes a point where the desire to do the bad thing starts to recede, and the desire to do the good thing builds, even overtaking it. Once that day comes, you’re on the way to breaking that bad habit for good. It sounds simple, it’s because it is; you just have to find what works for you. Incompatible behaviors are one of the three keys to breaking a habit, alongside reinforcement and satiation – two more key behavioral psychology principles that I teach in my practice when we develop a plan for building your new, healthy habits. (Once again, if you found this article helpful or want to know more, consider signing up for my newsletter or even setting an appointment. I’d love to teach you more or get you on the path to permanent change.)

[lifegotweird]

No Secrets: Why the Law of Attraction is Bad for Business

Let me start with a question - do you think your employees want to fail?

Of course not, but that’s the implication of training that emphasizes the Law of Attraction (LOA). When employees are pushed to attend related seminars, the message sent is that they must not really want to succeed, or they wouldn’t need the training. Instead of taking a chance to teach relevant skills, LOA classes promote idle management best defined by a shrug and abdication of responsibility. Criticism and reward are shunted aside in favor of “visualize it,” leaving a top-heavy organization that tells workers it doesn’t care about helping them meet professional goals. Disincentivized workers aren’t the only problem with LOA as a management strategy. It creates a false concept of an ideal employee, prevents growth, and even comes with a massive ethical (and legal) misfire.

Employees are people – this is an obvious statement, but pushing success via The Secret can dismiss the humanity that we bring with us to work. People have ups and downs, but of a company is well managed and creates the right environment they’ll give their best in any situation. If things go very well, they find comradery amongst coworkers, love the company they’re with, and stick with it when things are truly bad. Building loyalty means recognition of those variances, but that goes against teachings that are central to the Law of Attraction – “Thinking about something means you invite it in, even if you don't want it.” Proponents teach us to avoid those negative thoughts and feelings lest we manifest them; some go so far as to suggest we avoid people who don’t meet our absolute ideal under the guise of “like attracts like.” In reality, everyone has good and bad days, and both are deserve recognition from coworkers and company. The acknowledgement of hardship lifts morale, and with it productivity. On the contrary, a company attitude of “just think happy thoughts” leads to a diminished capacity that lingers with work that suffers until it’s resolved. Even worse, a tendency to dismiss employees who don’t maintain exclusively positive attitudes creates tremendous insecurity, prompting employees to jump ship as soon as an opportunity presents itself.

Speaking of avoidance, employing the Law of Attraction as an employer means missing opportunities for professional growth. Proponents stress the importance of avoiding anything that isn’t exactly what you want, including errors you or others make, lest you manifest the wrong thing. Any psychologist will tell you this is a critical mistake. Work, as with any part of life, involves failure; our duty is to learn from it. Bad interviews, missed opportunities, and even blown sales will happen to the most skilled workers a company has, but they shouldn’t be ignored for fear of creating more. Pretending they don’t exist only provides opportunity for the past to repeat itself, and by avoiding thinking about mistakes you create a perfect environment for them.

Finally, and perhaps most importantly, HR practices based on LOA philosophies present two major ethical issues. Four-factor personality tests are bad enough as a hiring practice, improperly reducing people to a series of mutable and inaccurate statistics. Hiring based on positivity and adherence to the Law of Attraction is a practice that reduces people to a single dimension that’s not only an inaccurate predictor, but potentially discriminatory. Any employer of a reasonable size will have employees with mental illness among their ranks whether or not they know it, and many of those numbers can’t keep up the act when it comes to The Secret. The best case scenario is a slow-burning resentment of the employer, if not the full on loss of a great worker who couldn’t fake their way to fitting the company culture – that’s opening up some serious legal ramifications on top of ensuring talent is lost. Worse yet, it’s effectively a religious test for employment.

Yes, I said a religious test – something you never want to apply to hiring or employment practices unless you enjoy discrimination suits and the phrase “hostile work environment.” The Law of Attraction is a spiritual concept with no empirical evidence whatsoever; the essence of the idea is that the universe itself provides what someone asks for. This immediately presents a problem among both atheist and agnostic employees (around 7% of the US population). For strict religious adherents, it’s pushing an incompatible system on them. If the problems discussed in previous paragraphs don’t give cause to drop LOA policies and practices, that certainly should.

As an employer, the path of least resistance may be to throw on a DVD or hand a worker an inspirational book that tells them to manifest their sales figures through positivity, but it’s also the path of least effect. Rather, a good manager should take a chance to be a mentor and discuss problems rather than sweeping them under a rug. Just as importantly, pay attention to achievements large and small and ensure they’re actually rewarded. Telling people to be positive only goes so far, and can even work against you, but giving them something to be positive about builds loyalty and encourages new talent to join your team. One can even create positivity by addressing failures as opportunities for success – and isn’t that why you were pushing The Secret to begin with?

Just remember – good employees aren’t manifested, they’re made.

[lifegotweird]

Ask me something.

No, really, ask me something! I’m headed to bed soon but this is just a quick promotional bit to say “If you have something you’d like to ask a life coach or even just a psychology undergrad and can’t afford to pay for it, throw me an ask.”

My only requirement is that I can publish it here (anons are fine for this reason) and that you keep it within reason. “I’m trying to work out this thing, any tips?”, “Why do people do this thing?”, not “Hey I’ve been with my fiance for nine months and here’s our entire situation, should we have another child this month?”

I’ll try to address all the asks (I don’t expect a lot anyway) in the morning or sooner!

[lifegotweird]

I didn't get any hits on this the other night, so I'm throwing it out again today. Any psych or coaching related questions you have, drop me a line!

[lifegotweird]

Ask me something.

No, really, ask me something! I’m headed to bed soon but this is just a quick promotional bit to say “If you have something you’d like to ask a life coach or even just a psychology undergrad and can’t afford to pay for it, throw me an ask.”

My only requirement is that I can publish it here (anons are fine for this reason) and that you keep it within reason. “I’m trying to work out this thing, any tips?”, “Why do people do this thing?”, not “Hey I’ve been with my fiance for nine months and here’s our entire situation, should we have another child this month?”

I’ll try to address all the asks (I don’t expect a lot anyway) in the morning or sooner!

[lifegotweird]

No Secrets: Why I’m Against the Law of Attraction

“But isn’t that basic life coaching?” I hear you ask, hypothetical strawman reader? Aren’t I supposed to tell people to just be positive and believe in themselves until they get a million dollars and a boat?

Hell no. You know why?

Sad people deserve nice things, too. It’s that simple.

I’m not burying the lede here, but it wouldn’t be much of an article if I left it at that. So let’s talk about why that mindset is a problem and what real solutions look like.

The law of attraction isn’t new, and I’m certainly not against positive thinking; it’s helpful, but it’s no panacea. Believing you can do something is great, it makes it easier to stick to a goal and if the idea of “think your way to happiness” stopped there, it would be benign. Unfortunately, it doesn’t, and the end result is outright distressing. According to the law of attraction, we get what we really want exclusively because we wanted it that much. On the contrary, you should avoid anything and everything that isn't exactly what you want to have or be.

The major implication of all this is that if bad things happen to you, it’s because you wanted it – or you didn’t want the opposite hard enough. Car broke down? Lost your job? Cancer? “If only you’d wanted things harder you wouldn’t be in this mess!” so says the law. That’s bullshit, of course, and some people even claim a variant – that the universe ignores the “not” part. So you shouldn’t have thought about NOT losing your job, because then you were just sending out the intention to get fired. It’s a great way to victim blame and absolve yourself of all responsibility, but it’s a bad way to live.

The reality is that if you were constantly worried about losing your job, you’re either suffering from anxiety in general or you had a reason to be afraid you’d lose it – not that you made it happen by thinking about it. But the law of attraction makes it your fault for just not thinking about it the right way. Sometimes you can do everything right and fail. Sometimes you do everything wrong and fail. In either case, what matters isn’t what you thought, but what you did. Actions, mistakes especially, are how we learn. Chalking things up to insufficient positive thinking is robbing you of a chance for growth, and it can even be destructive to your efforts. You’re giving up your agency and setting yourself up for disappointment if things don’t go right when you subscribe to a belief system that says belief is all that matters.

On the flipside, the law of attraction is an utterly self-fulfilling prophecy when things work out the way you want, and it’s easy to dismiss hard work, help, or opportunity. “I put my intention into the universe to build this company, and it gave me what I wanted,” says the forty year old billionaire, who inherited half of his wealth from his grandfather and was fully funded by his father’s venture capital company. Besides creating a blindness to privilege, it disincentivizes people from examining things when they went right, stealing a chance to improve themselves.

Beyond those problems, it’s exclusionary. Neurodiverse people, mentally ill people, people with trauma, people who just grew up under bad circumstances, and many more know that it’s not so easy as deciding to just be positive and really want things as hard as they possibly can. Nobody would have major depressive disorder if it was possible to just want to be normal hard enough; there’s not a single person – not even Morrissey or Drake – who wants to stay depressed. Masses of people are suicidal and desperately want a change, but it doesn’t come on its own. It comes from time, hard work, and finding meaning in tiny things and acknowledging the suck. Telling them all they have to do is think positive isn’t just inconsiderate, it’s downright cruel.

Cruel thinking is really a defining feature of the whole process. In The Secret, Rhonda Byrne goes so far as to state "If someone is overweight, it came from thinking 'fat thoughts,' whether that person was aware of it or not. A person cannot think 'thin thoughts' and be fat." She doesn't stop there, later completing that idea with “If you see people who are overweight, do not observe them, but immediately switch your mind to the picture of you in your perfect body and feel it.” Maybe she should spend more time visualizing herself as a better person, but that's outside the scope of this article. We're here for solutions.

So what are you supposed to do if not think positive, focus, and believe?

You work for it.

That’s the bottom line. Wanting it is great, and I believe in the value of positivity as a motivation, but it does nothing on its own outside of sheer luck. Find a support system where you can, make a plan, figure out what you need to stay on the plan, and get on it. Take action. More important than any level of raw craving is the effort you make. Even if you’re not sure you can do it.

Even If you’re scared you can’t.

Even if you’re just desperate for anything to change but it feels impossible, you learn through successes and failures when you try – and yes, you’ll have failures. Nobody ever learned to walk without falling. Repeatedly. Probably crying a lot, too.

So get out there and fail. Fall on your face, believe in yourself anyway. Want it. Need it. Strive for every bit of what you’re after and, when you get it, acknowledge the hard work that got you there and the things that helped you along the way.

Just don’t chalk it all up with exclusivity to the power of positivity.

(If you need help building a support system or creating a plan, get in touch - I'm ready to go to work for you.)

[lifegotweird]

I'm a recent college graduate, and as I think about it, I really wish I'd had an affordable option for aid when I was still in classes and still broke as all hell. The same techniques I use for clients are the ones that let me write my thesis, and I was lucky enough to have a class to learn them in.

So with that in mind, all behavioral life coaching services are now half-price for students, from now until at least February 28th.

Whether you're struggling with procrastination, writing, or studying, I'm here to help you make the change you need.

Send me an ask or visit http://www.lifegotweird.com

[lifegotweird]

Procrastination

Procrastination is a funny thing.

Nobody likes doing it, but if that was enough to stop people, it wouldn’t be the most common problem on every college campus. So why do we still do it?

Well, it’s not because of weakness of character, first off. That myth still persists, but has no grounding in reality. Rather, we procrastinate because we learned to. Most of us learn the habit as children, finding out we can get away with putting an assignment off until the last minute and still getting a grade we’re happy with. So we do it again, because if we got away with just playing all day instead of working, we can do it again, and if it works we just keep doing it.

A few of us learn it later, as a coping mechanism. Procrastination gives us an excuse for why we failed at something, why we did bad. “Of course my work was bad, I only had an hour.” It’s a way of protecting our already wounded confidence, and whether or not we succeed, we keep it up because it keeps us safe – or so we think.

Procrastination itself feels terrible. The pressure is awful, it makes you nervous , jittery, and students everywhere end up crying all over their textbooks, causing water damage that would totally reduce the resale value if the bookstore would pay more than three dollars to begin with. But then…the rush. The completion. The job is done and all that anxiety and stress washes away because you’re free to do whatever you want however you want. You can play video games all night or go to the bar or just go to sleep, because who cares, you’re done!

That relief feels a lot better than the pressure feels bad, and that’s where the problem comes in. Procrastination puts us on a massive cycle of arousal and decline that takes us up, up, up, like a roller coaster, and suddenly we’re off and flying and when it’s all over we crash and laugh (or cry, if you hate roller coasters). It’s practically an adrenaline rush – and sometimes it really is, when you’ve been drinking coffee and furiously typing all night.

And if the result of all that last minute work is success…well, why stop now?

Of course, if you’re a procrastinator, you know the answer is that you hate the pressure but can’t seem to break the cycle. You try and try, but you end up doing everything at the last minute again, and then you get away with it again and forget just how bad it felt.

The good news is that it can be overcome, just not all at once. Procrastination is something we start slowly in our lives and it ends slowly, too. By slowly working back your timeframes and breaking things down into pieces, you can break the habit. You can learn that as good as that relief felt, not torturing yourself feels even better, and you have just as much free time as before.

Except this time you get to really enjoy it, thanks to not having those looming thoughts of your responsibilities in the back of your mind. It’s not an easy change, but it’s a great one.

(If you need some help making that change, send me a message – my rates are fair and my results are lasting. Mention this post for 25% off life coaching services until February 28th)

[lifegotweird]

Procrastination

Procrastination is a funny thing.

Nobody likes doing it, but if that was enough to stop people, it wouldn't be the most common problem on every college campus. So why do we still do it?

Well, it’s not because of weakness of character, first off. That myth still persists, but has no grounding in reality. Rather, we procrastinate because we learned to. Most of us learn the habit as children, finding out we can get away with putting an assignment off until the last minute and still getting a grade we’re happy with. So we do it again, because if we got away with just playing all day instead of working, we can do it again, and if it works we just keep doing it.

A few of us learn it later, as a coping mechanism. Procrastination gives us an excuse for why we failed at something, why we did bad. “Of course my work was bad, I only had an hour.” It’s a way of protecting our already wounded confidence, and whether or not we succeed, we keep it up because it keeps us safe – or so we think.

Procrastination itself feels terrible. The pressure is awful, it makes you nervous , jittery, and students everywhere end up crying all over their textbooks, causing water damage that would totally reduce the resale value if the bookstore would pay more than three dollars to begin with. But then…the rush. The completion. The job is done and all that anxiety and stress washes away because you’re free to do whatever you want however you want. You can play video games all night or go to the bar or just go to sleep, because who cares, you’re done!

That relief feels a lot better than the pressure feels bad, and that’s where the problem comes in. Procrastination puts us on a massive cycle of arousal and decline that takes us up, up, up, like a roller coaster, and suddenly we’re off and flying and when it’s all over we crash and laugh (or cry, if you hate roller coasters). It’s practically an adrenaline rush – and sometimes it really is, when you’ve been drinking coffee and furiously typing all night.

And if the result of all that last minute work is success…well, why stop now?

Of course, if you’re a procrastinator, you know the answer is that you hate the pressure but can’t seem to break the cycle. You try and try, but you end up doing everything at the last minute again, and then you get away with it again and forget just how bad it felt.

The good news is that it can be overcome, just not all at once. Procrastination is something we start slowly in our lives and it ends slowly, too. By slowly working back your timeframes and breaking things down into pieces, you can break the habit. You can learn that as good as that relief felt, not torturing yourself feels even better, and you have just as much free time as before.

Except this time you get to really enjoy it, thanks to not having those looming thoughts of your responsibilities in the back of your mind. It’s not an easy change, but it’s a great one.

(If you need some help making that change, send me a message pr visit http://www.lifegotweird.com – my rates are fair and my results are lasting. Mention this post for 25% off life coaching services until February 28th)

[lifegotweird]

Word of mouth is everything for a small business, so I'm putting out a special offer. Reblog this post, get 25% off of life coaching services for yourself (just let me know your URL) or someone you refer (who may not even have a tumblr!).

Not just one session - the whole package, start to finish.

Now's the time to make that change you've been talking about.

(This offer is good on services started by February 28th - but if it’s a little later, meh)

[lifegotweird]

Big thanks to Michelle Britton who provided a theme overhaul for the website. Check her work out at http://www.graphitesoul.com

[lifegotweird]

Today's thought

We are what we do, and what we do is how we feel.

Sometimes that seems pretty far from the truth, especially when we're afraid, but we choose how to react to that. Allowing fear to hold us in place only gives us more reasons to be afraid. Fear can drive also drive us to action, to take steps to change our lives so we're on better footing.

As we find ourselves on better footing, we find reassurance. We find we can do more. We feel better. We get more done. We become better.

We are what we do, and what we do is how we feel.

(If you want to change what you do, send me a message or visit http://www.lifegotweird.com)