Something I don't think many people who don't have complex rehab powerchairs realize is that the cripple tax for us is so much higher.
I'm going to preface this with the statement that if you have a CRT powerchair, it's generally because you will literally die without one. There really is no "suffering without" if you don't have one, insurance or government schemes will not pay for it if you won't literally die without. Pretty often with "some people NEED wheelchairs and can't get by without them" type posts, the tags are filled with "i need this but just get by without" so I wanted to make sure people understand under no uncertain circumstances that people die waiting for approval of these and there is no getting by without if you have one. Some people do need them and get by without, but they are in the "this would vastly improve my life" need category rather than the "I will either get this or die" need category.
Anyways, once you're in the complex rehab category of disabled, the price of being disabled goes up by a MASSIVE amount. I am just barely in the complex rehab category, and my powerchair costs $23,000. This doesn't include the seat cushion or positioning equipment which likely adds another $1,000 minimum. It also doesn't include maintainance (last year mine was over $1,000 in parts cost before labor) Back when my needs were only a custom ultralight wheelchair with the basic seating options, I paid $3,500 for it so you get some context in how much the price SKYROCKETS once you get complex. Off the rack "standard" wheelchairs start at around $250.
My ventilator costs $500 a month in rental for just the box, you cannot buy one only rent. This doesn't include monthly checks, or all the tubes and masks and parts I need, I'd be willing to bet that adds on another couple hundred bucks.
My shower chair? It's a specialized one because I can't use the usual ones and that costs $2,000.
Additionally, because I need a caregiver, that adds another $1,800 a month to my price of living. I am in a special cost saving program that pays my spouse to do my bathing, dressing, and toileting so that would be higher for anyone else as well. This is not for 24 hour care, it's for bathing, dressing, and toileting.
My wheelchair van that I need in order to go anywhere beyond a mile from my house (like the doctors office) and was bought used at an age old enough to vote, that we were given a special discount and tax breaks for, cost us $7,500. If you don't get an ancient shitbox (said with love) like we have, they're around $65,000.
The bathroom remodel we had to do so I could pee and get showered was $17,000 and did not include anything high end, it was the cheapest we could do that met my needs.
The wheelchair ramp was $15,000 before labor to set it up.
None of these costs were optional, they weren't "improve my life" types of costs, they are "this is the minimum I need to live" costs. I know people who have even higher minimum costs to live, I'm pretty low on the "complex rehab" disability scale.
Tl;Dr whatever you think the highest cripple tax costs are for severely disabled people, quadruple them.
Repressed Love. Or: Derrick Eckhart and deconstructing the "Duke of the North."
Apologies if you're used to Apothecary Diaries content from me, but I'm currently reading "Villains Are Destined To Die" and Derrick Eckhart has me in a bit of a chokehold.
Because he's such a trainwreck. And he's allowed to self-destruct in a perfectly logical way that follows from his character archetype - an archetype that is usually portrayed as someone to be Healed By Love. Instead, Derrick Eckhart's story is a classic tragedy. He is doomed by the qualities that define him.
(image credit; Ep. 38)
Here's a 30 second recap of the setup for Villains Are Destined To Die. The main premise is that our heroine is suddenly thrust into the world of the romance dating game she was playing on hard mode as the villainess, Penelope Eckhart, who is the adopted daughter of Duke Eckhart after his biological daughter tragically disappeared. The goal? Get one of the five male leads to 100% affection score and achieve an ending before the true daughter reappears at Penelope's coming of age ceremony and the regular game begins with the Duke's True Daughter as the heroine. Because the villainess always dies in the end.
Our five male leads are as follows:
Derrick Eckhart - the eldest son and heir of Duke Eckhart.
Reynold Eckhart - the younger son of Duke Eckhart and a knight.
Callisto Regulus - the Crown Prince and a war hero.
Winter Verdandi - a mysterious nobleman and sorcerer.
Eckles - a fallen noble of a conquered nation, now enslaved, but secretly a swordmaster.
If this looks like a list of tropes, congratulations! That's the point. Each romance-able character fits into a neatly defined trope, but since we're focusing on Derrick Eckhart, we're looking specifically at the following archetype:
"The Duke Of The North."
(image credit: Ep. 37)
Derrick Eckhart hits almost every single bullet point on a list of this trope. Colored in cold tones; black hair and blue eyes, with an angular, cutting beauty that is indicative of his matching aloof and logical demeanor? Check!
While their duchy is not physically in the north, it is isolated in that the Eckhart duchy is neutral, not throwing their support to either candidate in the succession struggle between the Crown Prince and his younger brother. Check!
He's the captain of the Eckhart duchy's knights (20,000 strong), so his military prowess and power is acknowledged. Check!
He is the heir of the duchy and is very aware of it's responsibilities, fettering many of his actions through the lens of those duties. Check!
Traumatic past? Check, check and check!
If Derrick were the male lead of this story, his story would likely follow the typical tsundere path of learning that there is strength in the trust that accompanies vulnerability and intimacy - that the balance between the duties of his position and the desires of his heart is not only possible, but desirable. The female lead's love would either be a redemptive object or, in better written stories, an example that propels him to better himself in order to be worthy of her.
But the author did something interesting. They broke the trope down and deconstructed it. What might actually happen when that traumatized, emotionally stunted man falls in love for the first time? Is this something he is able to handle with grace and maturity or is he motivated by his underdeveloped emotional ego? (I'll let you guess...)
Let's look at the two primary emotions that represent Derrick's two "sisters" and drive his actions: guilt and shame.
Guilt
So, the backstory behind Derrick's trauma is both very simple and heartrendingly realistic. The three original siblings, Derrick, Reynold and Ivonne sneak out to a large festival one night. Derrick, being the oldest, has Ivonne's hand in his, but the parade begins and as the crowd swells, his little sister is swept away.
Ivonne is never seen again.
His little sister's disappearance proceeds to tear the already grieving family apart (the mother has succumbed to Dead Mom Syndrome). It's now only the male members left - and while Reynold is allowed to act out and grieve openly to a degree, Derrick is not. He is the heir and he is already expected to control his emotions and conduct himself appropriately. Because his actions reflect on his name.
It doesn't matter that his little sister is just gone, with no leads or even the closure of finding her body.
It doesn't matter that it's his fault; for taking them to the festival without asking permission or guards, for letting Ivonne's hand slip out of his, for failing to find her.
In that crucible of pain, sorrow and guilt, Derrick learns that there is no possible justification for losing control. Because to do so is to make everything even worse. Ivonne and his mother are both gone. If he shames their name and proves himself to be an unworthy successor, Derrick will lose his father too. Everything in his life must now revolve around being the perfect heir - because it's all he has left.
(image credit, Ep. 152)
Callisto makes a similar observation about the weight of being an heir. "The Emperor must be flawless." (Ch 73). We'll actually circle back around to this, because Derrick and Callisto are narrative foils for each other.
Neither Callisto nor Derrick are allowed to show emotions such as fear or grief - because those are potential weaknesses that people could use to try to take advantage of their family's power to advance agendas that likely do not have the best interest of either the imperial family or the Eckharts in mind. Indeed, Callisto's position is weakened because of his brutal reputation, which he encourages in order to express his anger.
Derrick doesn't have that outlet. Anger isn't something he's allowed to feel; rage will only compromise his judgment and threaten the only identity he has left. The most he is allowed to express is irritation and contempt.
Penelope vs Ivonne
And then the Duke does the most insane thing possible - he adopts a street beggar that has a passing resemblance to Ivonne and makes her the new daughter of the house.
**cough** Does anybody see a problem here?!
Oh, here's one. Penelope is so much more vibrant a character than Ivonne. You can see the surface similarities, but that's where they end. Ivonne, is described as "angelic" and painted in the same pastel tones as Reynold (pale pink hair and light blue eyes that link her to Derrick, Reynold and the Duke). Gentle, kind, quiet. An "easy" child.
Penelope is not easy. She's tempestuous and emotional before abruptly going silent after hitting a certain point. She's painted in jewel tones, her eyes "turquoise" or "emerald", her hair a deeper magenta with wild curls. She demands attention (and justice) through bad behavior and no matter how many times she's knocked down, she keeps fighting back. In short, she is uncontrollable.
(image credit, Ep. 134)
Because Derrick cannot allow himself the luxury of anger or disgust at his father for bringing this strange girl into their home, he deals with her presence by simply ignoring her and shutting away his emotions per the status quo. Or, at least, he attempts to.
But Penelope forces her her way into Derrick's life because she is NOT like Ivonne.
She does everything that Derrick is never allowed, while his father seemingly indulges Penelope with material goods that she demands because it's the only way anyone in the house will actually acknowledge her existence. Except for one person- Derrick. Derrick, as the heir, has to clean up the aftermath of Penelope's tantrums. Messes that, in his mind, there is absolutely no justification for. If he can deal with Ivonne's disappearance with dignity befitting the Eckhart name, then by god this girl can stand to control her own behavior!
And it's good to remember that, until the story starts with our version of Penelope, Derrick's perception of her behavior is spot on. Penelope herself comments on it multiple times - how OG Penelope had turned everyone against her. Reynold may have started the household's ostracism by framing Penelope for theft of Ivonne's necklace, and Derrick and the Duke exacerbated it with their willful ignorance, but OG Penelope was her own worst enemy.
(As an aside, I can tell that some readers have never dealt with a 'problem child' in their own family. As someone who did have a sibling who acted out, sometimes in seemingly unforgivable ways at the time, I can say that both Derrick's resentment and the perpetual cycles of blame are rooted in emotional realism).
This is the static pattern until hard mode starts and OG Penelope is replaced with the current Penelope, who already escaped a eerily similar toxic family dynamic. She has no attachment to these men, therefore she is able to do what OG Penelope could never do - she lets go of them. Which is exactly what is needed to smash the current dynamic to smithereens and force Derrick to contend with Penelope's presence in his life.
Because here's the thing. Penelope's behavior forces Derrick to feel. Penelope evokes a response from Derrick - annoyance, resentment...
...and desire.
(image credit, Ep. 19)
Shame
Penelope is not Derrick's sister. He utterly rejects that role, even as the Duke forces him to play it in public. He repeats this rejection multiple times; "I have only one sister and her name is Ivonne," (ch. 75)
But when Derrick expressed cold contempt, Penelope responded with hot rage. Where Derrick is aloof, Penelope is passionate. Derrick must always be in control, whereas Penelope lets control go freely. It's very much an attraction of opposites. Penelope represents everything Derrick is not allowed to have or be - but desperately wants.
If Penelope had chosen Derrick's romance path, then there's an old trope at play here; Kissing Cousins. Depending on your perspective, the incest angle is eliminated due to the fact that Penelope is adopted and Derrick never once thinks of her as his sister. Penelope's primary game conflict is that she's not truly accepted as a daughter of the house. A way to resolve that is to step out of Ivonne's shadow, tempering her extreme emotional reactions with adult self-control that allows Derrick to see and accept her in a new light - not as a living embodiment of his guilt, but as her own person. That, in turn, could give him the opportunity to process his guilt and grief, while also allowing him a safe space to allow himself the emotions he was denied by his trauma. With this conflict resolved, it clears a path for Penelope's true acceptance by the Eckharts, not as a ghost of Ivonne, but as their daughter-in-law, becoming Duchess Eckhart.
(Look, you don't have to like it, but consanguinity is a romance trope that's alive and well. I'm looking at you, Cyrano de Bergerac, Eight Cousins, Game of Thrones/House of the Dragon...shall I go on? Honestly, Derrick and Penelope is pretty tame. Diet Consanguinity, shall we say?)
But Penelope rejects this path immediately, therefore opening up the chance to explore Derrick's first love in a much more realistic sense - this is not a relationship that brings him joy, but instead fills him with shame. I didn't need to read spoilers of the light novels to realize that he was attracted to her from the beginning- it's right there in his affection score; he doesn't want to be addressed as 'Brother.' Her earliest death event with Derrick is when she implies that he's sleeping with her maid.
It's baked in.
And that shame will propel Derrick to stay stuck in his old pattern with Penelope because he cannot reconcile duty and desire. He cannot even recognize what he is feeling consciously. The easiest thing for Derrick to do is live in denial, blaming Penelope for everything, to continue being the put-upon heir of the family who constantly bails her out of trouble. Because the alternative is to acknowledge the unthinkable.
Is it admirable? No.
Is it likely to get him what he wants? Absolutely not.
Is it realistic psychology? Yes.
He is so caught up in the old dynamic with Penelope that he's too slow to realize that it's gone - the new Penelope reflects his own coldness back at him. The more she retreats, the more he chases her, looking for that source of warmth, her unyielding, continuing affection that he thought he couldn't bear. But without it, his world has become utterly cold and full of nothing but his guilt, shame and duty.
And then Derrick destroys what little attachment Penelope had to him with the trial, when he repeats this pattern for the last time by refusing to hear her defense privately and trying to simply get her to plead guilty to an attempted assassination with the assumption that Derrick will simply be able to use the Eckhart name to help her escape the consequences. Season 2 ends with, 'I had no expectations."
That's a death blow to their relationship. Derrick is defined by the expectations of others, which is why he, in turn, defines Penelope by her reputation. For Penelope to tell him that she has no expectations of him is to tell Derrick the agonizing truth - that he is nothing to her.
Not her brother.
Not the future duke.
He's not even a man that she respects.
(image credit, Ep. 85)
This confrontation is different than the Season 1 conclusion, when Penelope's finally willing to risk Reynold's affection score dropping in order to confront him with the truth and consequences of his own actions. In the aftermath of that fight, Reynold realizes that he is the one who needs to reflect on his behavior, not Penelope.
But where Reynold is able to eventually confess the truth about Ivonne's necklace to his father, Derrick is so ashamed of himself that he spirals. The old relationship is gone, leaving him with only her ringing condemnation of his behavior and her justified indifference toward him.
And he does offer an apology - but it's an apology so steeped in the only identity he has left - the Heir - that even though Penelope recognizes it as a genuine attempt at apologizing, it fails to move her. He is not capable of simply saying "I was wrong - at least, not without a bunch of modifiers about why being wrong wasn't his fault.
The Prodigal Daughter Returns
And then, of course, Ivonne makes her inevitable return - not brought in by an outsider (Winter Verdandi) as in the original game, but by Eckles, Penelope's personal guard. A man whom Derrick is already jealous and suspicious of. And, when Penelope understandably starts to lose her shit, Derrick treats it as a return to the status quo - the absolute worst thing he could do.
Especially because he now appears to have a way to expunge his guilt. He can help restore Ivonne to the family.
Derrick is the easiest target for Ivonne to subvert away from the respect Penelope has been painstakingly building from the beginning of the story, because she yokes his conscious guilt and his unconscious shame into a team that drives his actions all the way to Penelope's critical coming-of-age ceremony and the start of the original game, where Penelope's role of villainess is to be cemented.
Derrick desperately wants his little sister back. He also wants to do right by Penelope in the wake of the hunting arc. This is his tragedy, because the two goals are at odds. There is no way to restore Ivonne and win Penelope's affection.
Especially not playing against this magnificent son of a bitch.
(image credit, Ep. 58)
Like all the best character foils, while Derrick has been wrestling with shame and guilt, Callisto Regulus has been busy actually listening to Penelope, thinking critically and making judgments about her based on facts, both old and current. Unlike Derrick, he learns about Penelope and isn't shackled by what people think of either him or her. Indeed, Callisto understands the power of a bad reputation and how it can be harnessed just as easily as a sterling one.
Winter and Callisto are the ones to spring to Penelope's aid at the ruined coming-of-age ceremony, while Derrick is frozen in brainwashed confusion. Even Reynold manages to be the voice of reason in the chaos of her poisoning, pointing out that if they don't let Winter treat Penelope, she's going to die before the doctor can get to her.
(As an aside, when Reynold Eckhart is your voice of reason, you know things have gone sideways!)
Finally, only after Derrick has temporarily broken free of Ivonne's manipulation, having thoroughly soiled his own reputation and the Eckhart name by bringing Ivonne to the ceremony against the orders of their head of house and causing a public spectacle (everything he's accused Penelope of doing), he is left wandering the halls of the estate, desperate to make sense of what's happened and his own feelings.
He can't even go into Penelope's room to check on her - because that spot by her side has already been claimed. He's too late.
(image credit: Ep. 159)
This panel encapsulates Derrick's character in one shot.
The cool tones and shadows, echoing Derrick's symbolism as he's shut away from the warm light representing Penelope. The longing, the jealousy, the self-hatred as he can only peer through the crack in the door. The eerie green light of Ivonne's control has faded from his pupils, leaving him clearheaded for the first time in days as he slowly pieces his fragmented memory together to view the consequences of what he has done.
Meanwhile, a rival Derrick cannot challenge - Callisto - has the right to ask about her condition from the doctor and sit by Penelope's beside, begging her to wake up, not to leave him alone in hell. A hell that Derrick has helped create.
Derrick has had every opportunity through the end of Season 4 to change course - and each time, he is tripped up by those archetypal qualities that define his trope.
The tragic past and hidden vulnerability? These are the qualities Ivonne uses to manipulate and brainwash Derrick into betraying not only Penelope, but himself.
The emotional coldness? It means that Derrick is unable to even understand what he feels, let alone express it coherently, whether to be accepted or rejected. Instead, he's trapped in a self-destructive cycle, alienating the very person he yearns for, unable to ease his loneliness and self-hatred.
The devotion to duty shackles Derrick to a role that is his only identity that outside forces shatter for him - and Ivonne cares nothing for Derrick's well being in the process.
Rather than either the male lead or even a positive force in the narrative, Derrick's traits destroy everything he cherishes, leaving him utterly alone.
The fate of the Duke of the North is to be on the outside looking in.
Apparently, according to studies done, when it comes to cloning multiple generations of the same being, there's a strong deterioration that occurs the further on ( akin to copying a document based off its prior copy, theres deterioration ) . It gave me 2 ideas ; one which is more a general idea of Reploid DNA, and the second, the development of X6 and Gate's Reploids.
But then it evolved into the idea of deterioration. This is half - ramble, half just headcanon, all just personal world building.
This is going to get long and complicated, but I think this is neat.
I wonder if such a thing could apply to reploids ; models based off X's schematics more closely mirror him in early 21XX, than say, updated ones working off the updated base over and over again — so maybe that's why new generations, while physically stronger, have a more intense level of instability ( as seen in Lumine ) . I mean, copying a tape over and over causes it to eventually be unsable.
But still, it's a lose - lose scenario. Attempts to repair older reploids with modern technology cause incompatibility or further existing deterioration ( combined with instability of data preservation ) . And on the other side of that coin, physical abilities improve, but tweaking made over generations and generations of reploids trying to recrate that same level of limitless abilities fail to do so, leading to an internal collapse.
But this comes with another idea : approaching it through the scope of Zero, someone who has been cloned and had his DNA used without consent.
Zero has died a few times, and suffered extensive damage more than once, as the long running gag has gone. Yet, this does make me think of the implications of the X series, death, and the impact it has on the DNA data — though this is assuming it's comparable to a human's DNA, not in its helix structure, but rather how it deteriorates ( as an aside from it being comparable to some futuristic take on Python, C++, Compute Unified Device Architecture, but frankly my coding skills are limited and this is based off what I can gather from LLMs as an equivalent ) .
Really, I think reploid DNA is probably on par with existing code structures, and visual, like this, for example. But this is just to show differences between helix DNA and Reploid's code.
Visual codes with a combinations of ever evolving booleans expressions, conditional statements ( if, else if, else, switch ) , so on in an ever evolving learning structure that builds off lived experience. But that aside — it's just to give the idea that human DNA and reploid DNA are incomparable in a physical sense, but comparisons can be made in how it works in a reploid's biology.
But back to my main point : Zero's death and the various forms of decay that influence it.
The death of the body leads to the decay of DNA in organic creatures, but, the same applies to technology. Corrosion through moisture in the air can cause rusting and inrernal damage, fluids deteriorate and become unstable ( oil, fuel, hydraulic fluid, etc. ) , batteries die due to a lack of charge and can become dead / damaged beyond saving, and so on. Yet, that's not the only concequences of a increasingly unstable enviroment : bit rot exists.
In short : Reploids fall apart due to time. But why is this relevant ?
With the damage of the internal components responsible in memory, bits like 1s and 0s can flip, critical data can errode to the point of crashes and lost information, and overall, the DNA structure of a reploid begins to collapse as these errors build up — just as how a human body breaks down due to genetic limitations.
Back to that first study I mentioned about cloned generations, the mistakes in the DNA of the clone are carried on, over and over until the clone can't survive past a few days. But it's easier to tweak a machine than it is DNA, so there are changes made to avoid things like incompatibilities in updates, but nobody had the abilities of Dr. Light.
And with those adjustments made, and Gate being a far later reploid, combined with instability from the Sigma virus . . . You can see why things get damaged quickly.
Anyways, Zero dies. Gets rebuilt in X2, along with the first clone. He gets heavily damaged in X3 and gets repaired by Cain, who's the closest Light equivalent existing. Dies yet again in X5, and has to repair himself. That is a lot of constant deterioration, paired with him not being a reploid ( so his DNA Code is absolutely different to X ) .
Gate investigates the Eurasia Colony crash site and only finds fragments of Zero ; given Zero is in hiding due to damage, his full DNA structure can't be studied, yet, there are means of working with existing fragments ( as seen in, say, de - extinction efforts ) . This is far into the X series by now, efforts are created to pursue immunity ( as in X8 ) , changes to DNA are constant, and now, we have an incomplete genome combining with X's structures. There is so much potential for instability, and Alia absolutely recognizes it. With the failures of Iris and Colonel prior ( given they were one reploid split in 2 ) , jealousy on top of fear of the unknowable suddenly being known can cause so much destruction — and so, Gate's reploids were eliminated.
Even if Gate managed to figure things out, is it a case of the Ship of Theseus ? Every repair, update, change, and so on with Zero impacts how he works, so is the same reploid ? Or is it different, despite it being Zero still ? What about Gate's reploids ? Their memories made them traumatized, guilt ridden, paranoid, fearful wrecks.
Even then, Zero's DNA causes Gate to lose his mind through exposure, I wouldn't be surprised if these haphazard studies just ultimately destroy a lot of aspects that made Gate, well, Gate.
That doesn't even touch the Nightmare Virus' transformations, Zero to Sigma Virus shift, etc., but, I wonder : Newer Gens, with their ability to transform, all these changed in software / DNA, and no ethics testing ? Things felt doomed to fail.
There's more I could say, but it'd feel long and convoluted.
The best part about coming back to the source material after a looooong time is you sorta get a fresh look at canon in comparison to whatever the dominant strains of fanon have become. Or, in fact, whatever your own dominant strains of headcanon have become.
I mean, yes, Garrus “I’m not a good turian” Vakarian gets infinitely cooler (and more competent!) by pretty much every metric as the storyline progresses. He does. But fresh out of ME1 and into ME2 through his recruitment, I find myself genuinely amused by how thin the veneer of badass is over a pretty dominant core of straight-up nerd sprinkled with idealism mixed with self-doubt.
When you have Garrus in the squad all the time (and thus get all his ambient dialogue and remarks), you really pick up on the number of times he calls out bad behavior, unethical actions, cruelty, and rule-breaking, especially in ME1.
He’s not actually a hothead who can’t abide rules of any kind. In fact, most of the time he’s pretty pro-law-and-order, and he gets amusingly hall-monitorish when people are breaking rules he considers important and worth following.
Fundamentally, Garrus chafes when his sense of what is just is at odds with what the authorities do about that injustice (or what they stop him from doing). And I would hazard a guess that the reason his actions seem so intense or harsh or "of course we should have shot down that ship in the middle of the Citadel" is indicative not of his impatience but of the degree to which he thinks the authorities have failed to uphold that justice. We know he can be patient. He's a sniper. His whole modus operandi on Omega is precision kills without civilian casualty. But when that long fuse finally burns down, he goes from zero to shooting down ships in the middle of the Citadel in what looks (from the outside) like a heartbeat.
And yes, injured pride hastens the burning of that fuse; he doesn’t like losing. Or admitting defeat. Or failing.
Having just replayed his recruitment mission, a few things really stood out to me this time.
The merc bands really hate him--and they also reluctantly admire him (he's described as smart, resourceful, dangerous, idealistic, brave, slippery; they all agree they only way they managed to get this far is by isolating him and employing dirty tactics). I mean, there's literally a station-wide announcement that Omega can return to "business as usual" once Archangel is out of the picture because he was disrupting things so completely.
The way Garrus blames himself for the deaths of his squad is so freaking turian. Failure reflects on the leader who places his people in danger they can't handle, not the individual who fails. Heavy is the head that wears the crown. Yes, Sidonis betrayed him, but the person Garrus blames the most? Is himself. For trusting Sidonis in the first place. For raising Sidonis to a position where he had the means and opportunity to harm others--and the weakness of character to turn coat, to save his own hide, instead of dying to protect the others.
Garrus mentions more than once that he was trying to emulate Shepard. And his tone always implies that he knows he failed because Shepard would never have let a Sidonis into the fold. Again, he's blaming himself. Like a good turian. Yes, he wanted to avoid the red tape and bureaucracy of C-Sec, but his code--Archangel's code--certainly aligns with Paragon Shepard's morality (with a Garrus Vakarian twist).
And since it wouldn't be meta without adding a Tara's Headcanon Twist ... I've always wondered why "Archangel" when it's such a ... human concept. But this time, when I noticed how he spoke about Shepard's influence, and how quickly he brushes aside the name when she asks him about it, I wondered if it wasn't actually his way of honoring the mythology of the dead woman whose example he was trying to follow. Not that Shepard is a God he's worshiping, but ... there is something about the way he talks about her. Garrus doesn't make himself over in the image of a God, though; he's the soldier, the right hand, the avenging angel responsible for carrying out divine punishments suited and proportional to the crimes committed, the rules broken, the selfishness or cruelty of the perpetrator.
creator of uf just condemned sour... as did jael with vague posting on twitter... why does it feel like the big wigs are sellouts just to keep their popularity? Why does it feel like they don't care about people?? I'm glad people like you exist...
That is not good :(
I feel for them. It’s hard being in the limelight, and getting harassed by thousands of people for your response to a situation or trying to use you to further feed the fire and hurt you as well isn’t easy. But they themselves are adding to the fire.
They unintentionally made it about themselves by posting anything involved with the situation. I’m sure they have dark secrets they hide from the public, knowing if their ‘fans’ find out they’ll be in the same situation as Sour. But instantly publicly chucking Sour under the bus to further prove that, yeah they’re safe!!! To the face eating leopards won’t save their faces when the mob comes for them too.
Also just?? Block the assholes, just do it, block anything and anyone that makes you uncomfortable and move on.
And they’re not only chucking Sour under the bus but also a lot of their long time fans who are just chilling. The reason I am so public with making sure people know they’re welcome here no matter what they ship is because of it.
I’ve become protective of myself and our little corner because I want you to know that your fictional tastes don’t matter to me, your actions do.
(Especially for a fandom for a game created by a guy who wrote, “the baby is you” in response to a similar situation happening a decade ago, imagine going to a forest and complaining that there’s bugs like there sure is bugs in a forest you should wear bug repellent not try to chop down the trees 😂)
The follow up to the "I can make him worse" Gyjo post is obviously what I mean by the "I can fix him" side, but since that one seems a little more obvious, I'm just going to instead focus on it in the context of Sugar Mountain. For me this is a (if not the) massive turning point within their relationship.
Gyro started off this race a lot more arrogant and a lot less concerned about others, having been raised on the belief that killing without dignity is nothing more than violence and that his family specifically has the discipline and knowledge to differentiate between the two at all times.
Johnny's dark determination bothers him, it shakes him up a little, but it's not something he's willing to look away from. He constantly has it in the back of his mind despite it scaring the shit out of him because, while it challenges his entire belief system, it's also necessary to who Johnny is and at this point Gyro is all in. He's not going anywhere. This is probably the closest anyone has ever gotten to him, and they're both taking each other's povs to heart.
The end of the Sugar Mountain arc to me, and what I believe changes the entire relationship+how they interact is also the beginning of Johnny's change for the better and his final evolution into his best self.
When we see a young Johnny we don't see someone who is lazy and uncaring, but we do see someone who is subsisting off of raw talent and entitlement. By the time we hit the True Man's world arc we (Gyro) are beginning to understand Johnny as someone who has lost everything and is willing to sacrifice pretty much everything because of it. What I love love love about Sugar Mountain is that it draws the line in the sand on just how far Johnny is willing to go, and what of his humanity he is willing to give up.
It sets the precedent for both of them going forward with a very "anything but him" mindset, and that quiet moment afterwards where Gyro isn't even a little bit mad about Johnny's hesitation speaks volumes to the surreal moment he must be experiencing. In no uncertain terms Johnny is telling him that he is more important than the possibility of walking again which is fckn huge.
I think the "to what? we've lost everything." scene hits as hard as it does because it reinforces just how hopeless Johnny was when gave up the corpse parts for Gyro. He didn't actually do it because he thought it would be better in the long run, or because he knew they would just get back up and keep trying. He did it because sacrificing Gyro was simply the line that he is not willing to cross and that seems to stun Gyro into a moment of uncharacteristic, reflective silence.
That chapter ends on such a beautiful, hopeful, reverence. It never felt like a loss to me because honestly, they gained everything in understanding and the boys were finally on the same page with each other.
Specifically, their brain. I had a lesson on the brain today in biology, and it got me thinking; "What were the long-term effects of 2D's initial car accident?" I had a chat with my biology teacher, made some diagrams, read up on the brain, and now I think I've got an answer
So, we all know poor Stu got a hyphema from this accident and some brain damage. But what I wanted to know was what type of damage specifically. What in their behaviour would change? Would their motor coordination be affected? Would they have a speech impediment? We can only start to get an understanding of this once we look at the type of car accident it was.
"On 15 August 1997, when Stuart was 19, his life changed forever after hooligan Murdoc Niccals, age 31, purposefully crashed his Vauxhall Astra through the wall of Uncle Norm's Organ Emporium, where Stuart had been working, in an attempt to ram-raid the store and steal the synthesizers. Murdoc's bumper crashed into Stuart's face, landing him with an 8-ball fracture also known as hyphema, although he could still see through his injured eye."
While this is the exact description of the event on the fandom wiki, I deemed it inaccurate ever so slightly as being hit by the bumper would've killed 2D. So, I prefer to interpret it as the wheel hitting Stu directly in the eye, so the bumper would just graze the top of their head.
To determine the exact initial damage that could've been done, we must first know the kind of car. Here, it says Vauxhall Astra, so we'll go with that. Murdoc was canonically not-very-well-off at the time, so I'm assuming it was a smaller, older model. What came up was the 1992 Vauxhall Astra, with the smallest wheel size being 15 inches (roughly 35 cm).
For the bumper to have just grazed the top of 2D's head, a maximum of 7.5 inches (roughly 18.5 cm) of wheel would've hit their face. Given that the average face length (from crown to chin) for a 6'4 person (2D's canonical height) is 11 inches, that leaves everything from the nose up to be damaged.
Now, the fun part. To analyse what parts of the brain would be affected + what each part does. Outside of PTSD, what mental changes would there be? Outside of a hyphema and probably the need for a nose and brow bone reconstruction, what physical changes would there be? So, I found a detailed image of the brain, with labelled areas and functions, to determine the area of damage.
As you can see, it's pretty obvious what areas would take damage here. I zoomed in on the text in the second image, and there is a list of what each numbered+colour coded section does.
As I highlighted in the full version of this image, sections 2, 3, 4, 6, 8, 9, 12, and 13 would take damage. Sections 2, 6, 8, and 13 would be most affected, while 3, 4, 9, and 12 would simply go through some knock-on pressure. Meaning that their Association Area, Emotional Area, Olfactory Area, and Higher Mental Functions would be most damaged.
Association Area: This area deals with short-term memory, equilibrium, and emotion. This means that a hit that hard would seriously effect 2D's ability to remember things (like where they left their keys, the names of people they just met, etc), balance (so they'd probably fall over a lot [pretty sure this is canon???], and emotional regulation skills (so things like not knowing how they're feeling, not crying when appropriate, not laughing when appropriate, anger issues, etc).
Emotional Area: Surprisingly, this area deals more with primitive emotions, like pain, hunger, and FFF responses. Meaning that 2D would be left not feeling much pain, not knowing when their hungry, and having strange or even no panic responses. This could lead to them potentially starving themselves on accident, pitting themselves in danger, and not realising they've potentially injured themselves.
Olfactory Area: This is literally just smell. Like okay, 2D has a shit sense of smell, big deal😭😭😭 I'm not writing about ts I lwk dgaf😭😭😭
Higher Mental Functions: Okay, here's the bit I really wanted to talk about. This area controls concentration, planning, judgement, emotional expression, creativity, and inhibitions. This is the area with the biggest amount of damage, so a lot's going to shit for our poor Stu. They've practically lost the ability to concentrate (could explain random behaviour in interviews), plan for events, and judge things. This could explain why they're rarely in charge of stuff in the canon or why they still hang around Murdoc despite all the obvious reasons not to. They've also practically lost the ability to express their emotions. So, on top of not knowing how they're feeling, they can't explain that to others either! I don't care much for the creativity bit of this, but it's the inhibitions that caught my attention. They now have no impulse control. They say what's on their mind when it comes to mind. They act recklessly. They don't think things through. Why? Their inhibitions control practically doesn't exist!
The other areas I don't care much about as they were probably just squished a bit upon impact of the wheel. They'd be less sensitive to pressure and heat against their skin, have limited hand-eye coordination, have a speech impediment, and would have some trouble doing basic things like wrapping a door handle or walking, probably making them clumsy and injury prone.
Summary of my whole yap (ty for making it this far!!!): 2D is cooked, basically. No emotional regulation or expression control, lack of panic response, no concentration, no inhibitions, speech impediments, and clumsiness. All from one car accident that they miraculously survived. Oh also potentially legal blindess from the severe hyphema.
