i didnāt think that as a queer person it would be possible to find a partner like this. to have a movie-like scenario where you would actually find someone so ideal. i think iāve said this story a million times, but it still astonishes me to this day.
iāve always thought she was cute. the cute girl who worked at the local coffee shop that i always went to. i mean, mainly because i had a familiar face to go to. priscilla worked there, anton worked there, and even Krak! we went there so much that we called that place HK, because people that it was so far to reach. anyway, it was unlike myself to fail an exam to be quite honest. i was always a confident person, and i had always done well in school. thatās why i thought it was fate. fate that i had failed my exam. i started going to starbucks more often because priscilla worked there so i could go visit her (and get free drinks). she soon went on vacation as i was left there to study myself.Ā
i remember when tiffany first introduced me to caitlin. before hand, we were studying at the table close to the windows. she asked caitlin for her headphones because i forgot mine at home. and i asked tiff how she knew her. they went to school together since the elementary school days. she told me that she did all the art for starbucks with respect to the signs and the tshirt design as well. she thought she went to ocad too. next thing i remember, we were standing at the till ordering (another?) drink. caitlin asked me if i was a nurse as well, and i said no. in fact, i think i was too shy to even answer. thankfully tiff knows me so well that she likes to answer for me. i appreciate that. she told her i was in pharmacy. thatās all i remember from our first true interaction.
another interaction that i had remembered was when tiff and i came into the store on a friday night. priscilla and caitlin were both working. anton, vivian, and celine were having dinner and they came into the store afterwards to chill i think. all i could remember was vivan sat down beside tiff, and celine sat down beside me.. or the other way around. we were all just talking, and we exchanged carrot app information. caitlin came to sit down during her break, but she sat in front of albert. and then tiff wanted to go early so i left with her. i made sure to at least notice her a bit by tapping her on the shoulder and saying bye.
i think the next thing that had happened was on the saturday where tiff, myself, nat, vivian and janet had gone to dinner. tiff wanted to get nat to open up about who she was dating, so she wanted to hint towards her that we were a queer/queer friendly circle. so, she said to everyone that i thought caitlin was cute. geeeeez. i was embarrassed. but i guess thatās how nat started hinting it to caitlin. though, she didnāt even notice, which is cool too.
one friday night, i saw caitlin working. i gathered the courage to go hard or go home by trying my hardest to even strike a conversation with her. it all started with a simpleĀ āi like your hairā. she had her pigtails up. it was mad cute. and she was just coming out for her break while i was still standing in line for a drink. i asked her what she was up to for the weekend - she was volunteering at inside out. i think thatās how we even started talking.
ever since, she would come and sit with me during her breaks. every single time she did, i was always so nervous. i would think about the things that i said, whether or not the topics would carry a conversation. sometimes i would cringe about the things i asked. sometimes i would think i was too boring of a person because she would be on her phone. but that was just because itās social media, you know?Ā
it was the last week right before my exam. i remembered thinking to myself that this was it. after this, i wont be able to see her again. silly me? i actually went to the store every day during the evening toĀ āstudyā. letās be honest, i was just hoping to see caitlin through out all those days. heck, i remembered on the friday right before my exam, i KNEW i shouldāve stayed home to do the calculations portions of the exam. but no, i went with my feelings and i went to starbucks just to see her for once last time. but once again fate struck. turns out that her bestfriend (Sarah Q) couldnāt go to an inside out movie with her. she asked me! of course, i couldnāt sleep the night before the exam. not because of the exam though.. but because i got to see her afterwards too. this was it. it was game time.
what i mean by game time was, i hoped that i wouldnāt screw up our hang out by being awkward around her. i was legit so nervous that i wouldnāt be able to form sentences around her.Ā
backtrack to the few days leading up to hanging out with her, i remember having dinner with vivian, nat, anton and belinda right after my exam to celebrate it was done and over with. i told them that i was nervous because i had the big day with caitlin coming up. they were so nice to boost me though. i remember vivian telling me this story about caitlin, it was so sweet. one winter, there was a homeless man sleeping outside of starbucks. caitlin noticed them, and was so worried about them that she went out of her way to give them a hot tea to keep warm. that story always warms my heart.
now fast forward to the actual day we were hanging out for the first time. it was a wednesday after work. we met up at dundas and spadina at first. as i was meeting up with her, i remember checking my instagram. the contest that we both entered to get a chance to win inside out tickets - they messaged me. and i won. another sign of fate? i think so. i was actually trying to think of a cute way to say it to her too. i think i saidĀ āguess what? youāre my lucky charm - i won tickets to another movieā. it was a small thing to say, but i definitely remember being nervous to even say that. oh and did i mention how i thought she was sooo attractive when we met up? she was wearing this jean over all thing and i thought wow, so fashionable.Ā
the first stop was actually at a kfc, i changed out of my work shirt because it was really hot out. later i found out that it was the first time she noticed i was taller than her, and i was a kinda cute.
we walked through graffiti alley, and we went up to the roof of a building. i remember it was the first picture i took of her, of her back. she was so shy, thatās when i learned she didnāt know how to pose if someone took a picture of her. when we walked through the alley, we started talking about dance. she said she always wanted to learn it, and i asked her why. she wanted to learn it because she wanted to be one of those cute hip hop girls on youtube. the inner bold me that knew that this was an opportunity to sweep just took control of my brain and saidĀ āwell, youāre already cute, so youāre half way thereā. the reaction that i got from her was priceless. i didnāt know she would be so flustered. as we continued walking, we encountered a man sitting on the side smoking up. he started talking to us and asked us if we wanted weed. i kindly had a small conversation with him and ended up saying no thank you. to her, it was a moment that she appreciated because in a sense, i had protected her from a stranger that she didnāt feel comfortable engaging with.
later we had dinner at Saku, and she mentioned she wanted to get to know anton because heās such a sweet boy. i said that he would love to hang out if she had ever asked him. she said she didnāt want to just ask anton and vivian and third wheel. i had almost gathered the courage to sayĀ ādouble date?ā but thankfully i knew it was toooo much if i did.Ā
later on that night, we were walking around to parks just to talk and get to know each other. i knew she was caring just from how she likes to feed people. she fed me ice cream. we also went to go get a coffee because we were both getting tired before the movie even started. i remember when we approached the counter, she almost started ordering. but, she realized that she forgot how to ask how the personās day was before ordering, and she apologized for being rude. that was actually so sweet of her.Ā
the rest of the night, we walked around the city just to kill time. thatās when she started talking about people who she was close with and are a part of her life.Ā
we went to the building and i saw a few people that i knew. i said hi, i introduced her. i wonder if they had any idea that i liked her. that was pretty much the end of the night. we bussed home afterwards. i was mad tired though.
the next time we hung out was the sunday. i started to think that she was into me. she actually messaged me right after we hung out. and we were talking consistently before the sunday. but i tried to tell myself, no way. no way in hell that a pretty girl like her would like me. she was so fashionable, so sweet, so kind. i could never believe that anything could happen. but i think deep deep deep down inside, i knew it could.
phew. this was a lot of typing for today. i will reminisce about sunday, tomorrow!
