This is something that I feel deeply passionate about; I would like to share it with you before we carry on together, because it has a great deal to do with the kind of work I do and what I can offer you.
I’m going to dive straight in, so dive with me and if anything sounds weird or feels weird, just stay with me - I know this could have a positively, profound affect on how you see the world – if it’s a new concept to you.
We are all used to the concept of God being that of the Christian God. The Lord, in the Heavens, ruling over us. I love this story. It’s not something I’m afraid of anymore, I don’t judge, I accept it’s place in our world. It has beautiful metaphorical depth to it which can take you on profound paths of discussion.
I went to a church primary school; we studied Christianity and went to church. Religion wasn’t pushed on me by my family. Friends were religious, and I’d go to church with them if I stayed at their houses, however it wasn’t something I felt drawn to, as much as I was open to it. I loved reading my picture story book of Jesus. Stories inspired the wild imagination I had, and still do.
I’ve never believed in ‘God’ as we’re led to understand him in Christianity - a man, a guy ‘up there’ ruling over us all. I’ve never believed in a man up there, pointing the finger, condemning us to hell, or giving me ‘permission’ to go to heaven. (If you do or have, I’m totally down with that. I’ve explored different religions and belief systems and have friends all over).
From a very young age I’ve felt there’s something great in this world. I’ve felt this undeniable power. Thunder and lightning used to freak me out. Such an insanely powerful and magical demonstration of what nature is capable of. I sensed something un-seeable, but I just didn’t know what it was.
As the years have gone on, and my view on the world has expanded, my ideas of what is going on in the universe have grown. There are many. I’m a science geek and a spiritualist. I love physics, chemistry and biology, and I love philosophy, theology, ancient history, sacred geometry, quantum physics & metaphysics. I’ve travelled extensively, which has exposed me to a LOT of different people, places and ideas. I’ve also had a lot of physical and psychological therapy - there’s a place for it all, and who am I to say one thing or another is right or wrong?! It’s not for ME to say. What others do is none of my business. And vice versa. What others think of me is none of my business either. Let’s get it straight; faeries, pixies, aliens and auras are just as likely to exist as black holes, gravity, electricity, tornadoes and cupcakes. Just because we can’t ‘see’ it with our human eyes, doesn’t mean it’s not there!
***Science is finding more and more that we are extraordinary beings. I will go into this more later on, but for now, let’s keep it on the God Concept.
In 2009, a month before I was to give up alcohol, I went on an EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique, using Tapping) course in Bournemouth, UK. It was held by a wonderful lady, Sasha Allenby, and the divinely gifted Brett Moran. Things had really started to ‘open up’ in my life, and it was a string of events – synchronicity, that led me there. I was introduced to concepts of life that I’d never been exposed to before – outside of myself. My feelings on there being more to life were being confirmed, but this time by modern, real, fun people – just like you and me. Something clicked for me. I knew I wasn’t alone in my thoughts and feelings, it was like I was given permission to evolve and expand, and BE Sophie.
As the years went on I travelled, read, meditated, had therapy, contemplated, questioned, talked, cried, went on courses, wrote, had love affairs, went through different jobs, and got into lots of credit card debt.
This took me to a meeting called ‘Debtors Anonymous’.
If you’re unaware of Debtors Anonymous (DA for short) it is a brother/sister fellowship to that of Alcoholics Anonymous (AA). It follows the same principles & literature and guides you through a process of recovery.
The AA/DA program is a course of 12 ‘Steps’. They’re like 12 modules, that you work through to lead you to self-realisation, inner-peace and a better life state, and fill you with tools to live a happier life.
On Steps 2 & 3 I got stuck! It seemed nuts to me to a. ‘Come to believe that a power greater than myself could restore me to sanity’ and b. ‘Make a decision to turn my will and my life over to the care of God as I understood ‘him’’.
In my first attempt at this program I screeched at this point. I talked it over with my friend Julie and we both surmised that we have the power INSIDE us - to surrender to a power ‘outside’ of us was to be disempowered. Or so I thought. And the ‘God as I understand HIM’ part just filled me with this questioning of who the fuck says this God thing is a HE, a person even?
Plenty to discuss around the BBQ, dinner table, on the bus and so on.
Right. So here’s where it gets juicy. I had a turn around. I went from being a complete atheist to what I now know as an alltheist, or omnist.
It was during the work I had to do for ‘Step 3’, whilst I was writing, that I had this mega realisation. Everything came together and in that moment I found my connection to what I was attempting to understand. God. What was God to me? How did I understand it/him/her?
I was struggling with understanding how this ‘power greater than myself’ could heal me when I’d been learning that I have the power to heal myself, and that I was to turn my life ‘over’ to this power and become disempowered/controlled? I just couldn’t get it.
I’ve grown in my ideas of life. My heart and mind have opened so wide that there is nothing that shocks me anymore. I’m open to it all. I’ve felt that there is great power in nature. I believe in there being multiple dimensions we can’t see as humans - an energetic or ‘spiritual’ side to things. Spirit to me is another word for energy. Just like I realised that God is a metaphor for the energy of our universe.
We are undeniably remarkable beings. We have a mind that can rationalise, create, innovate, and that can go a bit wonky sometimes. In terms of addictions, I’m no expert, but in certain people there seems to be a problem with the control centre and strong urges lead to the various addictive tendencies.
We also have our ‘gut’ feeling. Our intuition. To some scientists it might be instinct. To people with more sway to their notion it’s both. This is all open for debate!
Intuition to me is a guidance system, it’s my guidance system to the deepest knowing in my self/my soul. Before I was even introduced to this concept of God, I felt there was something great guiding me, I just didn’t know what. My gut feeling is something I’ve always been aware of. To some it may be psychic ability, to others a hunch. But, it’s one thing we ALL have in common, no matter how you label it. We ALL get ‘that’ feeling when something’s not quite right.
I got into reading about the universe and quantum physics, and resonating - feeling in agreement with, something called Oneness. This is an idea that ‘we are all one’. It might sound a bit farfetched if you’ve not come across the idea before. It suggests we are all interconnected by energy, every one of us an individual ‘part’ making up the oneness, all running the same show. We ARE the energy; the only differentiation between you, me and a table is the frequency our cells are vibrating at. Liken it to a giant web of communication, like the matrix, that we are all a ‘part’ of. We could call this oneness spirit, consciousness, the universe, or god. But how could I surrender my will and life over to this power? I was stuck.
Somehow, I had this thought come to mind: ‘Some paths say we have a spark of spirit IN us.’
In that moment, I made the connection. It dawned on me that us humans are a physical manifestation of consciousness. Consciousness – the universe/god, is what everything is made of. Everything. There is no gap. There is simply different ‘frequency’. Physical matter (the human body or a chair) is simply a group of subatomic particles vibrating at a lower frequency, thus becoming denser. Water and gas for example are higher frequency.
So how could I suddenly surrender my will and life over to this external power?
Well, it was the way I was perceiving this suggestion that blocked me.
If we change the way we look at things, the things we look at change.
I’d read a great quote “Prayer is telephoning to god, Intuition is god telephoning back”
Whenever I pray, speak or even think, I am sending messages out to the universe. I am in constant communication to ‘all that is’, whatever is running this show we call life. When I’m in a meditative space i.e. walking, driving, colouring-in, meditating, doing yoga, cooking, (your meditation can be in any manner of places and spaces) I will have sudden ideas, solutions to problems, moments of realisation. THIS to me is the universe ‘telephoning’ back to me.
(I have a LOT of juicy stuff to share with you about thoughts and how they affect us and the universe at large. Let me know if you want to hear more about that.)
My will is in my mind, my intuition is in my gut. My gut is my guidance from consciousness; it’s a sixth sense, separate to the mind. Addiction/Repetitive thought patterns are a compulsion sent from my mind - an order sent from the fear driven primitive brain. If I am part of this oneness, then these softer, intuitive feelings/messages aren’t coming from anything or anywhere else, they’re simply coming from a different ‘part’ of me, the part of me that is the bigger picture here. I realised I wasn’t surrendering my ‘entire being’ over to this unknown man/entity in the sky, I was surrendering my addictive mind to the spark of magic/spirit/energy of the universe that I have WITHIN me.
Afterall, the heart starts with a spark, does it not? We are electrical beings. This spark, of whatever you want to call it – spirit, god, consciousness, this is my connection – energetically, to the oneness. This is how god/the universe communicates with us humans in our physical form.
And THIS, THIS energy is what I connect to each and every day through prayer, meditation, chanting, writing, walking, driving, colouring in, listening to music, reading in silence – the list goes on. Remember, I’m not religious, yet I pray?! That’s because I now know the power of us humans and our thoughts.
Please do one thing for yourself now; If your desire or need to turn your life around is THAT big, desperate, then please start by opening yourself up to having everything you thought was real about your world being shattered. Until you are open to having the pants humbled off you, and your concepts of life blown out the window, you will most definitely find it nigh on impossible to live the life you know you deserve.
This is also where relationships take on a whole new form.
Do you find that when you get into a relationship it ends up going wrong quite soon after you’ve had sex? You’ve ‘fallen in love’, you’ve been hypnotized by their mating dance, fallen into that trap that feels like a mental illness (It is), and now you’re feeling uncomfortable, your mate is feeling uncomfortable, and you both have this belief that the next steps are to sacrifice, compromise and please the other in order to maintain the balance?
This is bullshit. Society has driven us down a road of absolute bullshit, superficial relationships.
It is MY mission to turn this around. The relationship of your dreams IS possible. It just might take a bit of work.
I’ll leave you with this:
Girl and boy/girl want a mate. Girl and boy/girl get dressed up with other friends who want mates (prepare mating colours, feathers, bells and whistles), girl and boy/girl go out, do mating dance – flirt, show off their BEST bits, entice the other to ‘fall in love’ in order to capture them. There is an entrapment process at work when people go on dates or ‘out on the pull’. Who is the person underneath all that dress? What do they think when they’re in bed alone? What scares them? What are their biggest fears? How on earth can you learn this from someone when society has driven it into us that revealing all of these beautiful parts of ourselves is seen as intense, too much, oversensitive and neurotic? ‘If I reveal anything but my positive side they’ll leave me’.
I’ve realised that needs are ok. It’s OK to have needs - my needs. What ARE needs? Friendship, emotional intimacy, open & honest communication, fun & playfulness, a forthcoming approach, and children, to have my own children. These are totally valid. Knowing my needs means I can save myself and anyone feeling for me unnecessary heartache. I can express these needs when I meet a prospective mate, and if he doesn’t have the same needs, then we know where we stand and either develop a friendship or go our separate ways.
So, you may be asking, ‘But Soph, How will I ever find the right man/woman? If I go around scaring guys/women by being so open and real from the start, I’ll never find a mate! Maybe I just have to settle for what I’ve got, or have had.’
This brings me beautifully back around to our new concept of what god is, or could be.
Worship Yourself and NOT your mate!
I’ve explained that god, to me, is universal energy. You are universal energy. You have a spark of that energy within you. It is your priority to maintain contact with that spark. I guarantee you, that every time you’ve come to a block - ended up with someone who’s ‘not right’, it’s probably because you’ve lost touch with yourself – your spark, your spirit, your essence that speaks to you all day. You’ve been conditioned to ignore your intuition and go with the fear instead.
As soon as you can find it in yourself to please your self, and not go against what’s right for you to please others, you will find a partner who you can create absolute happiness with. Warts n all.
How on earth can you know a person from seeing their best bits, out on show, thinking they need to impress you – i.e. NOT be THEMSELVES, in order to attract you.
I see it all the time. I’ve been there too. People pleasing gets us NOWHERE in life, especially in an intimate relationship.
I’m not claiming to be any more of a human than you. I’ve had my own fair share of challenges to go through, and each one had made me stronger and more open to life. Why am I writing this? Because I’ve realised that, even though I’ve been blessed with crazy, mad, dark, amazing reasons to change myself, and see the world in a different way – not everyone has that, not everyone is gifted that. So, I’m here, gifting you the opportunity to see the world in a different way and create a better life.
In Love, Grace & Respect.
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