The loops are finally over, now is the time for healing.
Hello and welcome to my tale, In Stars and Time: After Story! Of course there is spoilers ALL AROUND for the full game, optional content, and two hats so be aware of all that!
In Stars in Time: After Story takes places, as you can guess, after the story of the main game! It's a story of Siffrin's road to recovery and how those around him will assist with him healing, and in turn, have their own moments of personal growth. There is no main bosses to defeat, the main enemy in this story is Siffrin's mental health, which takes the form of a certain character met in Act 5; you can guess who that may be. There will be a lot of character interactions and bonding, but the series will also tackle more serious topics, such as self harm. There will be warnings for these topics at the beginning of each episode.
CHAPTERS:
[1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] [7] [8] [9]
This will be updated as the story develops, so stay tuned!! <3
I wanted to see how elf ears would look on them and they honestly really suit them!! <3 It'll be their ears from here on out!! <3
Also, about the InsertDisc thing:
People's posts about the situation are worded better then anything I could have said. I'm admittedly a very emotional person, so I wouldn't be able to voice how I feel in a mature matter I think.
What I will say, is that those who are hurt have every right to be. What InsertDisc did was completely wrong and I do not agree with it at all. I honestly still can't wrap my head around it, and I, like many, want answers.
I will also say, In Stars and Time is extremely important to me. I genuinely felt like nothing was keeping me on this earth back in 2024, and then In Stars and Time happened across my Steam page. It's helped me heal, gave me so many good close friends, made me realize I was aroace and pangender, and I have never felt so seen by a video game in the characters, particularly Siffrin.
I love this game, I love it's family of characters, I love the warmth and heart it's given back to me, and I love that it's given me Altair, a character I absolutely love drawing and writing about. (Even though it's because it's an extension of Loop haha)
It's why this hurts so much. The fact that such a painful act was done by none other then the creator just stung. It just felt like my love for this world and characters now are forever tied to a painful act, that I can't enjoy it anymore because no one will understand WHY I love this game still despite it all because of the actions of it's creator.
But I genuinely know that it's what I choose to do next that makes a difference, learn from the game that taught me that no matter how far you sink the people that matter most to you will stay by your side.
I will stay for the friends that I've made in this fandom because they would do the same for me, I will stay for those hurt by InsertDisc's actions, and I will stay for the world and characters that gave me my life back. The person that made it will forever be tied to this game, that can't be denied, but I can decide what I do with ISAT now. And no I don't mean own it or anything of course, but just...making the world my own in a sentimental sense I suppose.
So I have been drawing a lot of Witch's Heart stuff recently
One of which is for a project I've been developing, I've called it Ashes to Ashes and it's an Ashe Looping AU!
I won't go too much into the details right now, but I've finished two 'CGs' today! They're actually a redraw of a Gartic Phone drawing if you can believe it lol And honestly are pretty terrifying gbdiusch
I'll put a 'Keep Reading' as to spoiler it, as it is a bit spooky. Also Spoilers for Witch's Heart!
So Scarlet Hollow has engrossed me and my friends and...
No I did not spell Hollow wrong in the picture your just seeing things shhhhh
For context, my good friend @justdarklr has been streaming Scarlet Hallow for me and @coffeeean and it's just been a barrel of laughs and suspense and just an all around good time.
UNTIL chapter 5 when we got into the roller coaster eagerly and didn't realize 'Oh shit. EVERYTHING is going wrong.'
Spoilers for chapter 5 underneath:
Specifically, there is one scene with Tabitha and Stella where they are trying to convince you of something. That one scene just made ALL of us feel so unsettled and the pit of my stomach just dropped. I legit can't remember the last time I felt so shaken by a video game before, and In Stars and Time got me pretty bad.
But I genuinely want to know what happens next, we all do, and by god I can't WAIT for the 20th <3 Scarlet Hollow is an INCREDIBLE game!
And uh, depending how the rest of the chapter goes, I might draw an update for this sdbgiudshgiud
Also if you're wondering about the 'Witch' thing, basically ever since there's been mentions of a Witch in game we all just have been screaming it at points and it's become a vocal stim LOL
Questions: Can you make one of those Omori comic you do back then please
Unfortunately, I do not have any plans to make any Omori content at this time! I currently don't have any any ideas for Omori, and am trying to focus on stories and art regarding Witch's Heart, In Stars and Time, and Twisted Wonderland.
HOWEVER!! I would love to revisit Omori sometime! I'll definitely brainstorm ideas when I can! I'm glad you like my Omori content, it was fun to make!! <3
Big thanks to this amazing comic for inspiring me to create my first contribution to the Witch's Heart fandom! And yeah WilAshe, they make my brain happy <|//3c
You think this is it? Oh you sweet summer child, you have NO IDEA what kind of planning I've been doing behind the scenes these past few months >B3
Holy shit ISAT is two years old, and it's been over a year since I played it and it changed my life. I honestly wouldn't be the same without it, and I am so thankful to it and the friends I've made because of it <3
To celebrate, here's some pictures of the characters I drew with the plushies! These are about 2 months old, but I kept forgetting to post them <|....D I hope to draw Bonnie and Odile with their plushies soon!!! <3
I think they came out well! X3
And honestly, here's a self insert pic because I just feel like it <3
Happy 2nd Anniversary In Stars and Time, thank you again for helping me and getting me through one of the roughest times in my life <3
Tis the spooky season so I figured what the hell, I'll post a little comic!
Now this comic is actually a few years old, but it's still one of my favorites! I love this OT3 to death they are so special to me <3
You cannot tell me Riddle wouldn't use that powerful smirk on whoever he was in a relationship with. THE BOY HAS TOO MUCH AURA WHEN HE DOES THAT IT'S RIDICULOUS SEHDGFUODS
Next chapter here!! Sorry again for the wait, personal struggles have been getting to me <X...( I've been doing my best to relax though, and will try to take care of myself better <3 With that said, please enjoy!! <3
Waking up early used to drive Bonnie up the wall. They were so terrible at it that Nille had to literally drag them out of bed by carrying them to the table where breakfast was. Only then, with the combination of sitting upright and the smell of their sister’s food, would Bonnie begin to truly wake up. Back before the King froze everything and everyone in time, Bonnie fussed about rising in the early hours, thinking that it was some type of torture placed on kids by adults. Even when they began practicing cooking in secret they would opt to just stay up late rather than wake up early; the mere idea of the latter was evil to them.
Now, with having to travel with the party, getting up early wasn’t even a challenge. Bonnie was even one of the first ones given they had to cook for everyone, they didn’t mind though. Bonnie wanted to be responsible considering what had happened with the world recently. Not only that, but they also felt they had to be due to what happened with their sister; it was only fair to her that they finally began taking on responsibilities that were too much for her to bear on her own.
Bonnie may have been young, but they weren’t as naïve as many seemed to think they were. They didn’t understand some things at times however they weren’t clueless as to what was going on around them. For instance, they knew that each member of the party had weaknesses they didn’t want to share, like Za being hesitant towards anything about himself, or Belle over worrying about how to accomplish her goals. Bonnie also took into account how when Dile and Frin had their ‘talk sessions’, it helped Frin immensely; though he considered it therapy when he really shouldn’t apparently. Bonnie even made sure to study up on Frin’s traumas with everyone, to the point where they may or may not have looked up some things Frin could do to themselves. They were told not to, as Dile said that it could ‘wait until later’, but how long would Bonnie have to wait to hear the truth of it all?
The others hid certain things from them that they felt the younger would be too overwhelmed by, but Bonnie certainly didn’t appreciate it. The younger knew deep down everyone just wanted to protect them but it was so frustrating that the party didn’t trust them with ‘serious adult information’. They weren’t stupid, they knew Siffrin was in pain because of the loops and needed more help because of it. He wasn’t okay, and Bonnie wanted to help, so why was everyone stopping them from doing that? If Bonnie had to constantly go to school, not eat anything, and act the same way every time they wouldn’t be okay either and knew Frin would help them, so it isn’t fair that Bonnie can’t do the same for him? They huffed a sigh, stirring the oatmeal occasionally while preparing the other dishes; if they weren’t allowed to help Frin with his ‘serious problems’, then they would make sure he at least had a warm meal that would make him feel better. It didn’t make Bonnie feel totally accomplished, but at least Frin was thankful for them, right?
…
Bonnie’s apple cutting slowed to a halt as they pondered something. What else were they good at besides cooking? Sure, the others really enjoy the meals they prepare but there has to be more that they can do, can’t they? They helped the party with attacks back when facing sadnesses and the King, but they were mostly on snack break, which again, involved food. The thought that they were less than helpful scared them, and made their chest tighten uncomfortably. Were the others giving them smaller tasks so they were easier to look after? Was Bonnie put on food duty to be kept out of the way? They shook their head, that couldn’t be it; what a ridiculous idea to even think about.
…But on the off chance that it could be true, then Bonnie would not accept it. They couldn’t just let the others treat them like a child after all this time. There had to be a way they could prove themselves to everyone, maybe then they could help Frin more! Nille would definitely be pleased about how responsible they were being, and that would go great in further convincing her to join the party on their journey! Bonnie grinned as they thought about some ideas that would further prove they could handle more adult things. First, they had to finish up breakfast, but then, ‘Operation: You’re Not a Child’ would start!
Oh, they better keep it on the down low. If the others found out they might talk Bonnie out of it and that would cancel the whole thing!
Completing the simple meals for the morning, Bonnie looked over at the trio that were beginning to stir from their sleep, still huddled together with Frin in the middle. Bonnie wouldn’t admit it after Frin’s eye injury, but they liked sleeping next to him too. They felt safe with Frin, they were a great protector, even if they didn’t see it that way; even if they think they’ve done nothing but hurt others…Bonnie gave a pout, Frin was such a dummy. Yes, Bonnie had been upset when the Islander forced them to protect him 4 months ago, but Frin wasn’t exactly feeling all that great and even turned into a giant from all the sadness and pain they were feeling. He was scared, more scared than Bonnie was back then, and Bonnie could still see the lingering pain the time loop had left Frin with. Knowing Frin he thought Bonnie viewed him as a burden or a freak, or maybe even thought he’d hurt them again.
That’s why Bonnie needed to prove themselves, so they could get it through Frin’s stupid evil overthinking brain that Bonnie cared so much about them. They’d prove that they would still be here even if Frin makes mistakes, even if they had to beat it into his head with the ‘Frying pan of Good Thoughts’! Belle yawned as she sat up,
“Good morning everyone.” Dile nodded, not looking up from her book, as she took a sip of her tea,
“Morning Mirabelle.” Bonnie smiled,
“Morning Belle!” Belle gave a sleepy smile and wave, before standing up to walk over to her bag to take out her hairbrush and face products. Bonnie tilted their head,
“I never asked this but…Why do you wipe your face down with those things Belle?” Belle looked towards them,
“Oh! These actually help keep my face moisturized and clean. It keeps the acne away as well.” Bonnie blinked,
“Acne…?” The Housemaiden looked nervous in her smile,
“Well, it’s a common skin condition, pimples basically. They can occur if I get too stressed and don’t take care of myself.” The youngest of the group frowned,
“You still get them even now?” Belle nodded,
“Unfortunately. But I have kept on top of my regiment, and they don’t come back nearly as much. My skin is all clear as you can see!” She smiled, but Bonnie suddenly felt anxious. They never had to deal with acne, or cared much about their skin, yet Belle had to worry about it constantly. Bonnie had to ask,
“Does some of my food make it harder to fend off the pimples?” Odile’s book lowered a bit, and Mirabelle blinked,
“I haven’t had any issues lately but-”
“But you did in the past?” Bonnie interrupted, their chest tightening. Dile’s eyebrow rose,
“It’s not that serious Boniface, it’s just-”
“It IS!” They interrupted again. This wasn’t serious to Dile and Belle but it was to Bonnie. The idea that they could’ve hurt Mirabelle, unintentionally or not, was a big issue! They weren’t being responsible if that was the case! They were unable to look at Belle, instead their gaze landed on the fruit they cut earlier,
“…I hurt you.” They could hear Belle’s eyebrows knitting together from the tone of her voice,
“Oh sweetie…” She set down her things and stood up again, walking over to Bonnie before kneeling in front of them, “You never hurt me, promise.” The chef shook their head,
“But some of my foods could have made your skin bad again.” Belle took ahold of their hand, causing them to look at her as she spoke with a smile,
“I’ve been taking better care of myself Bonnie. I make sure to be more open about my problems and my medicine helps with my anxiety. Also, the facial wipes do a great job at getting my face clean. I’ll admit, I was nervous to eat your food at first, but it wasn’t because I thought you’d ever bring me harm.” Her smile became sheepish, “Back then, I kept overthinking and that led me down a rabbit hole to think any food would have led to pimples. Which…led me to scrubbing my face raw at points…” Bonnie did remember that…They gave her a look,
“That’s not good Belle.” Belle closed her eyes in embarrassment,
“I know and trust me my face didn’t appreciate it either. But I soon realized your food was not only delicious, but it never made me break out then, and it hasn’t now.” Bonnie’s worried gaze stared at Belle,
“You promise?”
“I promise.”
“You super promise?” Belle giggled,
“I not only super promise, but super, duper promise!” She gave a confident smile, “I swear on all of my copies of ‘The Cursing of Château Castle’!” Oh! That was quite the promise! Bonnie grinned happily,
“Kay!” They soon heard a groggy voice come from Za,
“Is everything alright?” The three turned to see the man propping himself up on his arm to one side, wiping one side of this face to get rid of sleepiness. Belle spoke,
“Yup, we’re fine now! Come and get some breakfast.” Za nodded as he letting out a yawn before gently rubbing Frin’s arm,
“You awake buddy? It’s morning.” Frin groaned, curling more into a ball, “Pain’s still there huh?” Bonnie could see movement in what seemed to be a nod. Za rubbed the other’s arm in comfort as he spoke some more, “You should get something in your stomach, so you don’t feel even more sick.” Bonnie then called happily,
“I made eggs and oatmeal Frin! The oatmeal has cinnamon too!” Frin perked up at that and soon began to sit up, Za helping them. Bonnie quickly prepared a plate of eggs and fruit and a bowl of oatmeal. Maybe they should prepare Za’s too so he can remain next to Frin! He probably wants to stay by the other’s side to care for them in an instant, while also being all lovey dovey with him. Bonnie normally disliked romance and everything related to it, but for moments such as these Za and Frin would get a pass, especially if it would make Frin feel better. Making up Za’s breakfast as well, Bonnie looked over at Belle with a smile before motioning over to the couple. She looked over at the two before her eyes lit up with happiness and gave the younger a knowing nod. With that, both carried over the meals to the couple. Frin looked so excited, Bonnie knew he’d be bouncing if he wasn’t in pain; it always made their chest swirl with pride that Frin adored their cooking. Za on the other hand tilted his head with a blink of his eyes,
“Who’s the other meal for?” Belle giggled,
“You silly!” Za looked even more confused, albeit thankful,
“But I could’ve gotten it on my own, you didn’t have to do that.” Bonnie let out a huff,
“It’s so you can stay with Frin you dummy!” The instant change in Za’s expression from confusion to bashful realization was priceless to the youngest of the group. The man rubbed the back of his neck, a blush appearing on his cheeks as he chuckled,
“Am I that easy to read…?” Bonnie, Belle, and Dile nodded, with Dile saying,
“You’re an open book when it comes to Siffrin, I fear.” Za let out a whine, before Frin reached over and held his hand with a teasing glint,
“I like reading the book of Isa. It’s full of tales of a dashing tailor coming to sweep me off my feet.” Frin winked and Isabeau covered his face in embarrassment,
“Siiiif!!” Everyone laughed, and seeing Frin not instantly doubling over in pain from being happy made Bonnie feel relief.
Breakfast went on like normal from there. Belle had finished her morning hygiene routine before sitting to read as she ate. Dile was looking over some notes, Bonnie wasn’t sure what they were about, but it was probably important given how she barely touched her food; that happened a lot unfortunately when the group wasn’t seated together. Bonnie sighed into their bite of apple, before calling over to the woman,
“Dile, your food is going to get cold.” Dile head jolted up a bit,
“Hm?” She then looked down to her meal, “Right, I shouldn’t let it go to waste. Thank you, Boniface.” Accomplishing that, Bonnie’s ears picked up the conversation between Za and Frin, the man looking over at the shorter with eyes that held so much fondness,
“Glad to see you’re feeling a bit better by the way.” Frin looked up at him with a smile,
“You and the others helped me a lot yesterday, I was able to rest soundly.” Za nodded,
“Were you able to see Loop?” Oh yeah, the star person. Bonnie had to wonder how Frin was saw Loop in his sleep, but trying to figure that out would just make their head hurt…Frin took a sip of the tea Belle made earlier before answering,
“I did yeah. I couldn’t really move due to the pain, but they stayed with me and made sure I was comfortable. They even knew sign language, so we signed to each other!” Za’s expression grew even more fond if that was even possible,
“That sounds wonderful. I’m glad you both are able to find comfort in each other.” Frin beamed,
“Even though we have disagreements, Loop is good to me, even though I don’t think they give themselves the same courtesy…” Their smile became sad, “They don’t believe in themselves enough, so I want to help with that.” Za tilted his head back in thought,
“Hmm…I think you showing interest in who they are as a person is a good start.” Frin gave a soft chuckle,
“You would think, but they’re very guarded about themselves. I can’t go into why, but I understand.” Za looked at Frin,
“Then I think just being by their side and continuing to do what you both are doing will go a long way. It’s obvious that you care about them, and even if they are hesitant to accept it sometimes just staying next to them and hearing them out is the best thing to do. Sometimes it’s the only thing you can do.” Za leaned a bit into Frin’s side gently, “At the end of the day, it’s just great to be next to people you care about.” Frin’s smile at Za could give Bonnie cavities it was so sweet,
“Were you talking about yourself just now?” Za chuckled,
“Could’ve been. I am quite the happy man currently.” Frin giggled as Za leaned down to kiss the other’s temple, causing Bonnie to finally look away as they shoved an egg into their mouth. That was enough eavesdropping for one day.
o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o
“You want to learn how to sew?” Za asked, picking blueberries with the young chef, who nodded,
“Yeah, I figured it’d be good to learn how to patch clothes up. So you have some help and aren’t scrambling to do them all in one night.” The man huffed a laugh,
“Come on, I think my tune ups are pretty good despite them being quick fix ‘im ups.” He then gave Bonnie a knowing glance, “But seriously, why do you want to learn?” Bonnie jumped a little, were they so easily figured out?! Keep a level head, just like you learned from Frin! Wait is…that a good example now? Mentally shaking their head at that, they crossed their arms in a huff,
“What? Is me wanting to learn not a good enough reason?”
“Of course it is! Learning something new is great idea, and I would never say no to teaching you.” Za scratched his cheek, “But it feels like you’re hiding something? Or maybe just trying to keep a secret.” Bonnie looked down, feeling like they were read like a book; they didn’t like it. Za had a concerned look on their face, “Do you want to talk about it Bonbon?” The younger pouted,
“You know too much.”
“Eh?” Suddenly, they tackled Za who shouted in surprise as Bonnie continued,
“You must be defeated!!”
“ACK! Bonbon what the heck?!” The chef lightly slapped and scratched at Za’s chest and arms trying to pin the man down, causing him let out a laugh, “I like that fighting spirit, but the blueberries will get crushed if we’re not careful!” Bonnie couldn’t help but laugh too,
“Down with your stupidly large brain!!” They were soon grabbed, and Za began to mess up their hair, “Nooo!” The older man continued to laugh,
“My mighty and powerful muscles have bested you! Will you admit defeat young chef?” Bonnie tried to squirm free, kicking their feet a bit,
“Never! You won’t get the better of me this time!” They said that but Za’s grip was firm, and he soon hugged Bonnie close while resting his cheek on their head. Bonnie yelled out, “Not the bear hug!!”
“How about nooow~?” Bonnie waved their arm widely in the air,
“Yeah, okay I lost! Now release meee!” After one more bout of laughter, Za sat the other down next to him once more. The chef then placed their fists down near their feet with another pout, “No fair, you always win.” Za chuckled,
“That’s because I’m older Bonbon, it’s natural I have more experience.” Bonnie frowned at that. It wasn’t fair that everyone here was so much older than they were. They all got to talk about adult things and have fun outings where they did more adult things. It’s not that the others didn’t include them, they always tried to do so in some way. But it just felt when it came to things that were way too serious, Bonnie was left on the wayside, all for the sake of ‘protecting them’ just because they were younger. It wasn’t fair at all.
“Bonbon? You okay?” A hum was the only response the man received before Bonnie continued to look through the blueberries to pick. It remained silent between the two for a while, Za occasionally looking over at the chef, which made them anxious. They disliked why it was silent, and knew they just needed to be honest. Had they learned nothing from what happened to Frin? He wouldn’t want this for Bonnie, yet recently the fear of being treated like their age hung over their head like a storm cloud. They never paid it much thought before, but ever since Frin began showing more signs of…
What was it that they remembered hearing…
Mental illness! That’s it.
Ever since Frin showed signs of that, they began thinking back to Nille and how they could’ve helped her better had they had known how to treat her. So it wasn’t just for Frin’s sake, but for Nille’s too. Bonnie just wanted to be helpful to the people they cared about, make sure they were healthy and safe, even if it was from themselves. They could protect them too, they just need to learn how, and the others wouldn’t let them! It just…wasn’t fair…
“You know…” Za broke the silence, “You don’t have to grow up so fast.” Bonnie looked over to the man, “I just get the feeling that you’re trying to push yourself too hard. I understand wanting to learn skills that can help you in the future, and I won’t say no to teaching you, but I want it to be because you want to learn, not because you feel like you have to.” He stared at the blueberry in his fingers, “I understand the feeling of wanting to progress faster, to try and become so different that we don’t have to see our faults. But it’s because of those differences that we can become stronger, and have strengths that are unique to us, even if we don’t see them ourselves.” He looked towards the younger with a smile,
“Take your cooking for example. It may seem simple, but it’s done so much for us! Your meals have cheered us up when we are feeling down, we have a variety to choose from, and it shows how responsible you are with the flames and utensils!” Bonnie stared at the other, taking in the information, before asking,
“Does that mean I’m more adult like?” Za chuckled,
“Sorta, it depends on how you view it. In my opinion you are very mature for your age, but you are allowed to take it easy.” He pat Bonnie on the head, “You’re still growing, you don’t have to rush.” Bonnie looked down,
“But I have to…” They muttered, “I need to get stronger, so you all don’t…”
So you all don’t leave me behind.
“Bonbon?” Just then, Belle called out,
“Isabeau! Can you help me finish with the wood?” Za looked over at the Housemaiden,
“Be right there!” He looked back towards Bonnie, “Sorry, what were you going to say?” The smaller one shook their head, moving to stand,
“It’s nothing, you should go help Belle.” Za stared for a moment, before standing up as well. Bonnie picked up the basket, but before they left Za placed their hand on their head once more,
“Let’s talk more later, okay?” A nod, and then Bonnie made their way back to the tent. They left the conversation feeling frustrated, but were they to blame as well? They weren’t exactly fully truthful to Za, and when confronted with their issue they just choose to playfully attack the man.
Aka: ignoring the problem all together.
Maybe they really were just a child, and in the end children are just meant to be left out of conversations that don’t involve them; even if said conversations meant helping people they cared about.
Setting down the basket, they looked over at Frin who was taking a well-deserved nap, and then to Dile who was looking over some notes she had taken. The chef had to wonder how she managed to properly write down all that knowledge into proper wording. They could definitely learn something from her, she’s the oldest of the group and most definitely the smartest. Though the idea of her being a teacher was more than a bit scary, Bonnie approached her,
“Hi Dile.” The said woman picked up a piece of paper as she looked up at them,
“Hello Boniface. Anything I can help you with?” Here goes nothing…
“Can you teach me stuff?” Dile paused what she was doing to put her full attention on them,
“You mean like lessons?” She asked, and Bonnie nodded,
“I want to start learning more about things that are important.” The woman raised an eyebrow in amusement,
“I see. And what are these ‘important things’?” Scrunching up their nose in frustration, Bonnie huffed,
“You know! Math, history, writing, and researching anything and everything!” Dile let out a laugh,
“I thought we all concluded I don’t research ‘anything and everything’. I simply write down notes about things that interest me or that I need to find more information on.”
“You know what I mean!” Bonnie exclaimed, “I want to learn about things that will make me smarter!” The woman’s eyebrow raising again, this time in confusion, only made Bonnie even more frustrated. She spoke,
“I won’t say no to teaching you Boniface, but I think your intelligence is quite advanced for your age.” Bonnie looked down with a large frown. Dile wasn’t getting it, and she’s supposed to be really smart. No one was understanding and it upset Bonnie to no end. Yes, it was because they weren’t fully explaining themselves, but they would just be told that they couldn’t listen in on those conversations or told not to read up on those topics because it was too ‘serious’.
Nobody would let them help when it mattered, and that’s why they didn’t feel like being honest.
“It’s not enough…” They muttered. The only thing that could be heard was a bird chirping, making the younger feel very uneasy. Perhaps it’d be best to just drop this for now, however Dile speaks up before Bonnie could consider doing that,
“I can sense that this is more than just you needing to learn for the sake of it. Learning so you can better yourself is a noble idea. But forcing it isn’t healthy and can lead to instant burn out. Knowledge itself can’t be forced; it needs to be developed over time and at a steady pace so you can properly absorb the information.” The chef shifted their weight to their other leg,
“But…I need to hurry.” If they didn’t, they wouldn’t be able to help Frin or be able to convince their sister to join them on the journey, much less let them stay with everyone. Dile crossed her arms,
“Alright, what’s this really about Boniface?” Bonnie’s gaze was fixated on the ground, as they tried to remain silent. They then heard Belle’s voice,
“Everything alright over here?” Both turned to see Za and Belle coming in with chopped wood. Dile nodded,
“Just having a discussion with Boniface. They’d like to begin learning a variety of subjects, albeit too quickly.” The chef let out an unhappy grunt, wanting nothing more than to run away at this point. They knew they’d just be chased after though, so they remained nailed to the spot. Za set down the firewood next to the front of the tent, making sure not to disturb his napping lover, and spoke,
“We talked about this buddy. Well, we didn’t finish but we were going to after I helped Mira!” Belle looked anxious,
“I’m sorry! Did I interrupt something important?” Za waved a hand,
“It’s alright.” He turned his attention back to the small chef, “While I respect your dedication to improving, don’t push yourself Bonbon. You got to take things slow if you’re trying out new things.” Belle nodded, smiling,
“Yes, and if you ever need help on any of your subjects, we’d be more than happy to assist you! O-Only if you want that of course!” The younger’s teeth clenched together in anger,
“You’re all not getting it!” The oldest of the group had a bit of a stern expression,
“Then tell us Boniface. If it’s about needing to take on more responsibilities around here, or even helping with Siffrin, then I understand.” Bonnie jumped at her words, “But I won’t have you pressuring yourself into learning everything. Again, it’s not healthy and will easily overwhelm you.” The younger narrowed their eyes at the woman, finally feeling at their wits end, not caring if their stupid ‘Operation’ was hidden anymore,
“But you told me that I couldn’t look at important information related to Frin. You, Za, Belle, and even Frin keep all that stuff away from me just because I’m a kid. I could take care of Frin too if you all would let me!” Bonnie’s voice grew louder, “I know I’m the youngest one here but I’m smart! And I want to get smarter so you all will let me help more with important stuff! I’m not stupid, I know what Frin is thinking about when they look too sad to talk! And I’m not scared of what happened to him either! He’s just scared and he needs us, and that includes me!! I can handle it! I can!!” Frustrated tears began to build up in their eyes, “I don’t want to be the only one left out of important talks or told I can only do cooking! I want to help more! I want to help Frin!!” They shut their eyes tightly,
“I don’t want you guys to leave me behind!! So just let me help!!!” They couldn’t stop themselves from beginning to cry. Why can’t they be older like them, why did they have to be so young? Couldn’t save their sister from being frozen and can’t help Frin when he needs it most.
All they were was a helpless child, and maybe they should just get used to it.
Everyone was staring at them as they sobbed, but soon Dile spoke softly,
“So that’s what this is about…” Bonnie felt a hand on top of their head, and they opened their eyes to see Dile looking at them with an apologetic gaze, “We never meant to make you feel isolated Boniface, or like you weren’t needed.” The child sniffled,
“So th-then why am I not allowed to look at that m-mental illness stuff? Do you not trust m-me to take care of Frin anymore?” Belle knelt next to them and began drying their eyes,
“Of course not sweetheart. We trust you wholeheartedly. It’s just we were worried that the information would scare you…” Za rubbed the back of his neck,
“Though it looks like we ended up scaring you all on our own.” Bonnie wanted to say that that was a lie, but Za wasn’t wrong. They tried to dry their eyes on their own as they choked out,
“I-I’m scared that Nille won’t l-let me stay with you all. I want her to come with us, I don’t w-want to be separated from everyone!” Just then, they all heard a soft voice come from who they thought was asleep,
“I won’t let that happen.” Everyone turned to see Frin starting to sit up. Bonnie jumped a bit,
“Frin!” They ran over to help him sit up alongside Za, and the eye patch wearing adult spoke again,
“I’m alright.” He looked toward the youngest of the group, “How long have you been feeling like this Bonnie?” The said child looked down,
“A while I think…” Frin looked incredibly sad, so Bonnie continued, “B-But it’s no one’s fault! I should’ve said something!” The older traveler shook his head,
“Even so, you didn’t feel like you could talk about these problems Bonnie. Even if we were trying to keep you safe, it wasn’t fair to you. It shouldn’t matter if you’re a child or an adult, you deserve to know what’s going on with me, or with any of us.” Bonnie tried to blink away their tears as they spoke,
“Can I…Help with the important stuff?” Frin chuckled,
“Of course you can, but you don’t have to learn all these new skills to do it.” Za nodded,
“Like I said, your strengths are unique to you. For instance, you are great at telling apart the safe and poisonous berries and mushrooms!” Belle excitedly spoke next,
“Oh, and you’re wonderful at managing our rations! We’ve been saved countless times thanks to you!” Dile nodded,
“Not only that, but you are quite the fast learner. You’ve become quiet the adept fighter Boniface.” Bonnie blushed at all the compliments, with Frin closing it all out,
“And most of all, you’re Bonnie. We wouldn’t want you any other way.” He gave Bonnie a grin, “So even though you want to grow up, try to remain a kid for just a little while longer.” The child chef felt everyone’s words settle into their chest, and they finally smiled,
“Okay.”
All that happened today helped Bonnie realize something. Different people had different ways of being responsible, from Belle’s skin care routine to Za’s care for others, to Dile’s note taking, and finally Frin’s personal growth and self-reflection. Bonnie was far from who they wanted to be, maybe it would take a long while to get there, but that’s okay. They had enough time to learn what their ‘responsible’ was.
Cw: Negative thinking/Spiraling, Chronic Pain, and Panic Attacks
It's been a while!! Sorry about that, I've been distracted by a LOT, but these next two chapters are really special and helped me get out of the funk! I participated in Art Bang and it helped me write these next two chapters! I'll upload the next one soon, for now I hope you enjoy this one with some special illustrations!! <3
Without further ado:
Bad weather was something that the group had got better at predicting as time went on, Odile especially. Bonnie asked genuinely if it was because of her joints, but one narrow-eyed stare was enough to shut down any suspicions that the others had on that matter. Siffrin knew though that Odile didn’t take it to heart, it was her being what Bonnie called ‘silly scary’; it meant that she rolled with the jokes but showed she still wouldn’t be the butt of them, sometimes with an unsettling aura around her. In Siffrin’s case, however, the rain did bring pain sometimes. He was told that he could have side effects from being in the loops for so long, and one day he woke up unable to move for a few minutes, wracked with pain. Mirabelle did her best to ease the soreness with her healing craft, but all the others could do was make sure Siffrin was comfortable, much to Siffrin’s dismay. He hated that he had to be waited on, because that meant he was useless. The others didn’t seem to mind it much at least, and he got to cuddle with Isabeau most of the day, so that was nice.
Ever since then, the pains come and go in spurts. Most days Siffrin was okay, but others they had to stop and rest, another thing that halted the trip to Bambouche. He hated it so much at first, blamed themself for preventing Bonnie from seeing their sister longer than they needed to, but Bonnie called him a ‘dummy’, and told him to rest. Things like that, as well as the others genuinely caring for him, helped. They didn’t see Siffrin as a burden, at least they hoped not. Everyone would just go about the day as normal all the while making sure they were comfortable and happy. They felt so loved, and he made sure to show how thankful he was the day he felt better; be it a few days after or the next.
Back to the present, Odile said they needed to find shelter as the rain would be rather heavy. Mirabelle went over to Siffrin,
“How are you feeling, Siffrin?” The Traveler smirked, though also with knitted eyebrows,
“I’m feeling a little ‘under the weather’.” The usual groans and laughter made Siffrin’s smile grow, and after Mirabelle stopped giggling, she offered her hand,
“I’ll ease your pain when we find shelter. For now…Is it alright if I hold your hand?” Siffrin tilted their head, and Mirabelle grew flustered, “O-Only if you want to! I just feel that maybe you would like the company, e-even though we are all here…” Ah, she wants to make sure the pain doesn’t become too much. Siffrin smiled and took her hand in his,
“I’d like that, Mira.” The way Mirabelle’s face lit up made Siffrin’s heart swirl with joy. Bonnie jumped twice and chirped,
“I wanna hold Frin’s hand too!” They all but ran over to do so, Siffrin laughing as he took Bonnie’s hand. Isabeau playfully pouted,
“Now there’s no Sif hands for me to hold! Whatever will I do?” Mirabelle giggled once more, and held out her other hand, to which Isabeau beamed and took ahold of it. He then looked at Odile, “Come on Madam, join in!” Odile turned around with a raised eyebrow,
“We’re not in a crowd; we won’t lose each other.” Before anyone could become crestfallen, she smiled, “But I supposed there’s nothing wrong with humoring you all like this.” She took ahold of Bonnie’s free hand, and turned to the others, “Shall we then?” And thus, everyone resumed walking. Siffrin’s face hurt a bit from smiling, but he couldn’t help the happiness that spread throughout their chest. Moments like this reminded Siffrin that this was real; that no matter what, all of them wanted to stay with one another.
The way they were all holding hands made the rogue recall the moment when the loops were over, when they all reassured Siffrin with the same form of love, and here they were doing it again, just to ease his current pains. He once again was proven incorrect before he had a chance to formulate the reasons wrong with him in his mind, their family was becoming good at doing that. It was a bit rocky at first sure, what with how everyone struggled to open up about themselves, but they’ve all made great strides in progress; as people and strengthening the bonds between each other. It was natural to stumble, Siffrin learned, but all of them managed to take the good and the bad and work through them together. Just as a family should.
Siffrin knew one day that everyone would go separate ways, they all have lives to be lived and goals to meet. However, he always remembered Odile’s words when all of them fell from the sky, that they’d all stay in each other’s lives. Moments like this one, holding each other’s hands to support one another, specifically Siffrin at this moment, made that reality even more believable.
Siffrin looked up at the sky, seeing the clouds roll in and feeling a cool breeze begin to brush past his face. They couldn’t help but smile,
“I wish I could stay in the rain again. It’s always nice to feel it, fun to dance in too.” Odile huffed a laugh,
“Yes. Treating you, Boniface, and Isabeau after you all got sick partaking in ‘rain dances’ last time was very enthralling.” Siffrin blushed a bit in embarrassment at her teasing,
“Couldn’t help it. It reminds me that I’m free, you know?”
“Frin deserves to run around in the rain as much as he wants! And so do we!” Bonnie exclaimed happily next to him, “We fight against normal things!” Isabeau laughed,
“Yes, we do!” Odile sighed,
“It’s called ‘being responsible’, and while I appreciate the sentiment, soaking yourselves until you are unable to leave your bed for 2 days is not my idea of a good time.” Mirabelle giggled,
“Come on Madam, maybe it’s the next best thing! I’ve been thinking about doing it next time!” Odile rolled her eyes,
“I’ll pass thanks. You all can dance the night away, unable to feel your limbs from the cold, while I am bundled up inside with a book.”
It was about 10 minutes later that the clouds grew gloomier and Siffrin became slower, feeling the pain settling in his limbs. Everyone slowed down to their pace, Bonnie and Mirabelle gripping his hands tighter to help him curb the pain a bit. Bonnie looked at Odile,
“You think we’re near civil-lie-station yet?” Isabeau chuckled,
“Civilization, Bon Bon.” Bonnie nodded,
“Yeah, that!” Odile looked at the path forward, and her eyebrows creased a bit,
“The pathway seems to have a bit of a clearing, but I think we still have a way to go.” Siffrin grimaced. The pain was starting to hit him hard, and he really wanted to sit down. They weren’t sure where it was going to be in his body the most yet, but he knew today wasn’t going to be a fun one in the least. They felt Mirabelle’s eyes on them, before she spoke,
“I suggest the next area we see that has a big enough space, we set up for the day.” Siffrin jolted a little, and Isabeau nodded,
“Agreed. I’ll keep an eye out.” Bonnie raised a fist in the air,
“Me too!” Siffrin panicked a bit,
“B-But we only have been walking for a few hours!” Odile shook her head,
“Siffrin, you know as well as we do you won’t be able to move for much longer. I know you want to get Bonnie to Bambouche after they’ve been waiting for so long, but you can’t brute force through bodily pain.” Odile rolled her shoulder a bit, “Take it from me.” Bonnie went wide eyed as they pointed,
“So that one time I asked about your joints was true?!” Odile made a face,
“Don’t push your luck kid.” The giggles and chuckles, as well as Odile’s words, helped Siffrin calm down. He wasn’t happy that they’d be delayed once again, but it couldn’t be helped.
That pain she’s suffering from is from when she saved you. It’s your fault she’s in pain, your fault this trip is taking so long.
Siffrin clenched his teeth behind his lips and tried to focus on walking.
What makes you think Bonnie’s sister will let them stay with you? She’ll take one look at you and know that you’re the cause of the delay. She’ll know you’re a FREAK. No sane person would want their younger siblings around you.
“Frin?” Siffrin blinked a couple times before turning their gaze down to Bonnie, trying to smile,
“What’s up?” Bonnie frowned,
“You‘re squeezing my hand really tight. It kinda hurts.” Siffrin jumped slightly, and loosened his grip,
“Ah, s-sorry Bonnie!” Isabeau spoke next,
“Is the pain becoming too much Sif?” Siffrin didn’t want Bonnie to learn about the Sadness inside him, the poor kid would probably be terrified of what could happen to him.
Terrified of what could happen to THEM you mean.
Siffrin gave a nervous smile, “Yeah…I don’t think I can walk for much longer.” It wasn’t technically a lie, his limbs were jolting with pain with every step, and it was sending shock waves throughout their entire body. He began to feel the light headedness seep into his temples, and he didn’t want to move. His heart began to quicken slightly in its pace, and they felt every beat; it was so uncomfortable he wanted to curl in on himself. Yeah, this was setting up to be a bad day, especially with the way they felt their chest hammered against. That always made him feel especially anxious. Mirabelle nodded,
“We still have a ways to go yet sadly. Can Isabeau carry you for a bit?” Siffrin lit up at the idea. Being carried in Isabeau’s arms would ease his worries exponentially. Isabeau smiled and walked over, leaned down, and picked Siffrin up; Siffrin all but wrapping their arms around their partner’s neck and sighing in relief, happy they didn’t have to put weight on their feet anymore. They nuzzled into Isabeau’s neck, humming contentedly, as they heard Isabeau’s chuckle rumble in his chest. Siffrin liked that sound very much.
“Alright, let’s head out!” Isabeau announced, and Siffrin heard the pout in Bonnie’s voice,
“We’re already moving.” Isabeau simply smiled,
“So we are.”
Within another 15 minutes the group arrived at a wide enough area to set up camp for the day, and it was luckily before the rain had started to pour down. In situations of intense rain, if they hadn’t made it to a town or found a place to stay for the night, they brought out a reinforced tent that they saved only for heavy weather. They had gotten it from Dormont’s House of Change before they left, as well as other supplies in case of dangerous weather. This tent was big enough to hold all of them, seeing as the group felt it was safer to sleep together if they were outside in storms. The Head Housemaiden made sure only the best materials were sent with the Saviors of Vaugarde and was actually very sweet. She was like an older sister to those around her, Siffrin could see why Mirabelle was so fond of her. The woman also understood Siffrin being comfortable around her would take time. It wasn’t anything against her, it was just that he was still terrified of loops happening back then. Perhaps maybe sometime soon he could see her without tensing up, but for now he’ll focus on the current journey he’s on.
Unfortunately, until the tent was set up Siffrin had to sit up against a tree. Mirabelle had used some healing craft to ease the pain slightly, but when it grew this bad it was harder to treat. She felt horrible about it, but he always thanked her for trying. She did her absolute best for him, even after what he did to her all those months ago; he still never forgave himself for that…He tried focusing on journalling or sketching, carving was too much for him right now. It didn’t matter though, because his hands worked against him anyway. He groaned in frustration and pain and just stuck the books back in his bag as he tried to close his eyes to rest. The pounding in his chest was extremely unsettling, and he brought a hand to it as he did his breathing exercises. Just breathe in, and out. It will ease it all just a little bit, pain and all.
“Do you need me to get Belle, Frin?” Siffrin opened his eyes to see Bonnie looking worriedly at him. It was the Kid’s turn to sit with Siffrin as to keep him company and make sure he was okay. Siffrin smiled sadly,
“I don’t know if Mira can help me anymore then she already has. But thank you Bonnie.” The younger had a look of unease as they reached into the bag next to them, soon pulling out some snacks. They placed them in Siffrin’s lap and said,
“I know you probably don’t feel like eating much right now, but you still should try! To keep your strength up!” Siffrin’s smile held a tired warmth,
“I’ll try, thanks again.” Bonnie nodded giving a grin, and Siffrin looked at the rest of the family setting up the campsite, “Shouldn’t you go helping the others? I don’t want to keep you.” Bonnie crossed their arms,
“They’ve got it handled right now! Besides, someone has to keep an eye on you, or you’ll try to sneak away and do things.” Siffrin chuckled but it made their body ache, he hated that it hurt to laugh. Bonnie frowned instantly, but Siffrin simply put on another smile,
“I’m okay. Today is just a bit much on me is all.” He then smirked, “Man, water day it is.” Bonnie groaned loudly,
“Nooo!” Siffrin couldn’t help but laugh a bit despite the pain,
“Come on, you know that was a good one!” Bonnie scrunched up their face in defiance,
“Never. I won’t give in to your punny ways.” Siffrin chuckled again, before clenching his shirt around his chest in his fist. Stars it all hurt, this wasn’t fair…He soon felt a hand hold his, and he looked at Bonnie who was back to looking worried. Siffrin tried to dash away the other’s unease with a smile, but it probably looked miserable. Why did his body have to do this to everyone, to Bonnie?
You did this, you made them upset. You are the reason they and the others are stressed out.
Siffrin tried his best to ignore the voice whispering in his ear at the moment, as he spoke in apology,
“Sorry about this Bonnie.” The said kid shook their head,
“S’fine.” It was silent between them then, and Siffrin grew nervous. What was Bonnie thinking now? Were they comfortable or did they not want to be here? No, don’t think like that. They wanted to hold Siffrin’s hand, they wanted to be here…
“You’re thinking too hard again.” Bonnie said, and Siffrin flinched a little bit, but he didn’t try to hide his discomfort,
“That obvious, huh?” Bonnie hummed, and thought for a minute before speaking,
“You and Nille are a lot alike.” Siffrin blinked at Bonnie,
“We are?” The younger nodded,
“Nille tries to hide her pain a lot, tries to cheer me up whenever it happens.” Siffrin tilted his head,
“Does she have chronic pain too?” Bonnie looked up at the sky,
“It’s more like she hides how she really feels, and that causes her to get sick. She doesn’t want to let me in a lot of the time when that happens, but I know she’s thinking about bad things…” It did sound a lot like Siffrin honestly, and the said Traveler’s eyebrows knitted together,
“How do you help her?” Bonnie had a smile now, looking back at Siffrin,
“Nille lets me cook a little bit! I couldn’t go all out like I wanted, I was still cooking in secret after all, but she really liked how I made things.” Bonnie then looked at their connected hands, “She also likes when I hold her hand when she’s in pain, even if she doesn’t say anything.” The preteen switched the leg that was bent before continuing, “So…I thought it would help you.” Siffrin couldn’t help but smile as well, and he nodded,
“It does help. I appreciate this a lot Bonnie, truly.” Bonnie lit up with pride, and their eyes closed as they placed their free hand on their hip,
“Of course! I’m the best at helping others.” There was no denying that, Siffrin thought. Bonnie then lifted the bag of blueberries from Siffrin’s lap, “Now you should try to eat!” Siffrin nodded and allowed the younger to open it, “Dile said that these are good at getting the inflymayton down.” Siffrin chuckled softly,
“Inflammation.” Bonnie paused,
“Infla…mmation.” They then grinned proudly at getting the word right, Siffrin giving a thumbs up, “Lucky for you, we have some salmon after me and Za went shopping back in town. I’ll make that for dinner, so look forward to it!” Siffrin felt his mouth water as he took a blueberry from the bag to eat,
“That honestly sounds amazing…” His days with chronic pains usually went like this. Ever since the pains started the family put in a ton of effort to make them manageable. Researching foods to ease said inflammation and working that into Siffrin’s diet, performing proper stretches, breathing, and exercises with him, and reducing his stress with quality family time. However, his personal favorite was the massages given by both Mirabelle and Isabeau. Both had different ways of easing tension and aches, Mirabelle’s was gentler and Isabeau was firmer, but both knew how to hit the pressure where it mattered most. He could really go for one right about now, maybe when the tent is all set up.
“I know! I’ll make oatmeal tomorrow too!” Siffrin nodded, and went to say something, when a jolt of pain surged through his body. He hunched over a bit, trying to catch his breath, and Bonnie jumped onto their knees, grabbing Siffrin’s hand again so they could squeeze it if they needed to, “Frin, are you okay?! No, no you’re not, that was stupid! I should get Belle right?!”
“W-Wait!” Siffrin exclaimed and Bonnie flinched, the rogue gulping down the pain. He can’t yell, no matter how scared he was right now, it’d scare them. Siffrin spoke in a shaking voice, “J-Just wait until th-this pain passes. I d-don’t want to b-be alone…” Bonnie looked conflicted but nodded and rested on their knees. Siffrin clenched Bonnie’s smaller hand, and he felt terrible. He shouldn’t be putting this on the younger’s shoulders, not when they are still trying to reach their sister.
You never stop to think how this is affecting them. All you do is give them negative experiences.
He felt Bonnie’s eyes on him, as if searching for something, and he gave the preteen a smile, “I-I’ll be alright Bonnie, j-just need rest.” Bonnie stared for a few more seconds, before looking down with a look of sadness on their face,
“I know that.” Oh no, Bonnie is upset! Quick, he had to think of something to cheer them up! Siffrin squeezed Bonnie’s hand in his again, finally straightening up a bit as his body’s pain ebbed away slowly,
“When I f-feel better, I’ll help you get some ingredients and we can look up some new recipes to make. Sound g-good?” Bonnie only nodded, and Siffrin felt a cold feeling waft over him. What was he doing wrong? He offered something he and Bonnie could do together so they would feel better, but why did that upset them? What was Siffrin doing wrong?! They didn’t mean to hurt Bonnie, they just don’t want to scare them, they can’t! Otherwise, they would be taken away from the family and he can’t have that!
And who are YOU to decide that? There’s no guarantee they can stay with you. Stop being so selfish.
No, he doesn’t want to never see Bonnie again! What if their sister forbids them from traveling with them, what if Siffrin ruins everything again? He has to think of something, he has to!
You won’t, and Bonnie will leave. You keep saying that you’ve accepted that the family will separate one day, yet you cling to them like a virus. You are pathetic, worse than before.
That’s a lie, he’s been improving! Everyone has said so! There are setbacks but he’s not going back, he can’t go back!!
Stop trying to deny this. They can tell you all the lies they want, but it won’t change the fact you are nothing more than a waste of space that should never have made it out alive.
“Frin!!” Siffrin’s mind came back to his entire body in severe trembles, Bonnie holding onto his arm as if to try and keep him grounded. He couldn’t breathe; he tried but the pain was too much. He regressed again and Bonnie was scared and that was his fault and-
“Sif?!” Oh no, now Isabeau is coming over! Bonnie must have gotten the other’s attention. He had to get it together!! They looked up and tried to speak, but their chest forbade it, and they curled in on themselves. He heard someone kneel beside him and felt a wave of comfort wash over him. Mirabelle was using her healing craft again on him, someone that was making a mountain out of a molehill…He heard Mirabelle’s voice,
“Can you hear me Siffrin?” Siffrin nodded looking towards her, and saw her warm smile, albeit slightly nervous, “I know it’ll be hard, but can you breathe with me?” She placed a hand on her chest and took Siffrin’s in her other one for comfort. He followed her in tandem, slow and careful, and even though his chest expanding was agonizing he was at least able to steady his breathing. He knew he still wouldn’t be able to speak, so he raised his free hand and signed with it.
‘Sorry.’
Mirabelle shook her head, “You don’t have to apologize Siffrin. You just became overwhelmed.” Siffrin teared up and signed again.
‘Sorry.’
Bonnie gripped Siffrin’s cloak tighter and said, “I’m okay Frin! You didn’t do anything wrong! If you keep thinking that I’ll hit you with the ‘Feel Good’ frying pan!” Siffrin smiled, but the laughter that was bubbling in his chest was going to hurt so he swallowed it down. Odile opened the tent’s entryway and called over to the others,
“The tent is ready, let’s move them inside. It’s going to start pouring soon anyway.” Isabeau knelt in front of Siffrin,
“Can I pick you up buddy?” Siffrin nodded and Isabeau, as gentle as he could possibly be, lifted them in his arms. Everyone moved inside the tent, and Siffrin was set down on a comfy little nest of blankets. He sighed in content, and soon saw Bonnie was standing close, wanting to approach. Siffrin smiled, and moved his hands as best he could,
‘You can sit with me still.’
Bonnie wasted no time after that and sat down next to Siffrin again. He was happy the other still wanted to stay next to him, even after causing such a scene. Isabeau’s hand hovered close, and Siffrin gently took hold of it and placed it on their head. He smiled up at Isabeau,
‘Pat my head please.’
Isabeau chuckled and did so, softly brushing his fingers against Siffrin’s fluffy locks. Siffrin would’ve fallen asleep if it weren’t for the throbbing pain in his limbs. Bonnie spoke up,
“Can you still eat Frin?” Siffrin thought for a moment, before shaking his head,
‘I think I’ll wait until dinner. My stomach is kind of upset.’
Bonnie nodded, before Mirabelle approached with a cup, handing it carefully to Siffrin,
“I made some peppermint tea with honey for you! It is a bit hot so be careful alright?” Siffrin adored the smell and took a sip, the taste and heat instantly soothing his body. He let out a sound of happiness, and he knew everyone else had a look of delight on their faces. It honestly made him feel much better, because that meant they all adored him, just like he did them. Odile brought out her notebook to check something before saying,
“I am thinking a good food for Siffrin right now would be some roasted salmon with broccoli and rice.” Bonnie nodded eagerly,
“Yup! I planned on making that anyway!” Siffrin gave a chuckle,
“Not going to make me eat potatoes?” Still grinning, the kid shook their head,
“Nope, I wouldn’t make you eat anything you don’t like when you’re sick! You make sure I don’t have to do that. Especially the icky stuff.” Siffrin placed his index finger over his mouth with a smirk,
“Shhh, they don’t need to know that.” Mirabelle gave a displeased look,
“Siffrin, have you been preventing Bonnie from eating healthy when they get sick?” Siffrin batted his eye cutely, and Mirabelle huffed, “Don’t give me that look!” A loud laugh came from the Fighter,
“I doubt Sif hides it all away. Probably mixes it with other foods.” Bonnie pouted,
“Yeah, they still make me eat some of it, but they make it taste really yummy!” The Rogue nodded, smiling as he patted the younger’s head,
“I learned from the best after all.”
“Also, potatoes can increase inflammation, so we don’t want to feed Siffrin those.” Odile explained, as Isabeau perked up at her words,
“Oh yeah, I read about that too! Though I wish they didn’t so it could calm Sif’s stomach.” Odile read more of her notebook,
“While that can work in some circumstances, I suggest we try other methods before subjecting Siffrin to his arch nemesis.” A dramatic expression lined Siffrin’s face,
“Oh dear, the potatoes and I will have to have our fated battle another time.” The kid sitting next to him laughed,
“You can’t escape them forever! You need to conquer them sooner or later!”
“Ah yes, but the best tactic sometimes is a hasty retreat.” The bright haired adult winked, causing Mirabelle to giggle,
“A hasty retreat any time they’re in your food?” Siffrin nodded with a serious glint in their eye,
“Yes.” Isabeau gave another laugh,
“The evil spuds will always win against a Sif apparently.”
“Eh?! Isa you’re supposed to be on my side!”
“And I am! Be it potatoes or carrying you when your body hurts! Anything to help the person we care about so much.” Siffrin blushed, smiling from ear to ear at the words. His family had done so much for him, he had to think about how to repay them this time. Though sometimes he still thought he was a burden, they proved him wrong time and time again.
It was probably going to be a long night, but he didn’t mind. He knew he was safe with his family.
o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o
Siffrin was laid in between Isabeau and Mirabelle, trying to curl comfortably in the blankets. The rain was pouring down onto the tent, and the sound pounded into Siffrin’s eardrums, them sensitive to everything along with the rest of his body. He groaned; this was going to be a long night…
“Still not able to relax Sif?” Isabeau asked, arm moving from holding both Siffrin and Mirabelle to gently rub the rogue’s arm, “Is this okay?” Siffrin nodded, and then raised their hands,
‘Comforting.’
Isabeau nodded, “How bad is the pain?” Siffrin grimaced,
‘It all hurts.’
He heard Mirabelle’s voice from beside him,
“Do you want me to message your limbs a little more?” Siffrin thought for a moment, before nodding. Isabeau and Mirabelle were gentle in helping them sit up, the fact they cared so much always made Siffrin tear up more than the pain. He just sometimes still couldn’t believe that he was here with everyone. Their actions however made it all the more real though, and he would believe in them despite his mind working against him. Mirabelle lifted up Siffrin’s arm, him wincing a bit but giving a smile the second Mirabelle looked apologetic. She began to rub down Siffrin’s limb, her healing craft ebbing from her palms into his sore muscles. He sighed in relief, they knew this was temporary, but it was at least a respite from the constant pain. He almost didn’t notice Isabeau leaving for a moment before coming back with a thermos of water and some medicine. Their lover smiled at them, Siffrin smiling back and took the medicine from Isabeau’s hand, placing it in their mouth before taking the thermos’ cap full of water and swallowing the medicine down.
Art by @akemiiya
They handed the cap back before signing,
‘Thank you.’
Isabeau smiled some more, and signed back,
‘You’re welcome.’
Siffrin beamed at that, he adored being signed to. Mirabelle giggled, hands moving to message Siffrin’s leg next, but before doing so signing,
‘Is this helping Siffrin?’
Siffrin nodded,
‘It feels better. I think I’ll be able to sleep soon.’
Mirabelle nodded back and started working on his legs. Siffrin winced a little, but soon the pain began to subside as he teared up in relief. They wish they could just be rid of this pain for good. They knew that the pain would fade away each time, but it always felt like he was going to be pulled back into the loops from the way everything hurt. They saw Isabeau begin to sign,
‘Can I rub your back?’
Siffrin nodded eagerly and Isabeau chuckled, scooting a little closer before placing his hand against Siffrin’s back, the warmth of his palm moving in slow circles making Siffrin groan a little in delight. They felt so loved…They signed,
‘I feel so lucky.’
Both Mirabelle and Isabeau looked at them, and they continued,
‘There’s a lot I want to say. Sometimes I want to keep apologizing for putting all this on everyone. But I am so grateful that you all are here with me.’
They could never say it enough, even if they were given years upon years of time. The fact that they were even looked at after everything was enough for them, at least he originally thought so. He was rather selfish the more he thought about it, which resulted in a wave of resentment towards himself beginning to wash over him. He grimaced at the thought, he had no right to keep his family all to himself, it was wrong of him. Suddenly, they felt a pat on their head, and they looked at Isabeau, who signed,
‘I’ll bonk your head if it’s being mean again.’
Siffrin couldn’t help but softly chuckle, giving a nod. Mirabelle stopped massaging to sign as well,
‘We’re happy you’re with us too, Siffrin. We wouldn’t want to be without you.’ Siffrin tearfully smiled, and Isabeau leaned down to kiss their head,
‘You’re our precious dagger, and master jokester.’ Isabeau winked, and Siffrin giggled as a blush adorned their cheeks. Mirabelle giggled as well as she moved her hands to heal Siffrin’s chest. They felt like they could breathe again and leaned on Isabeau as their eyelids grew heavy. Mirabelle gave a gentle smile, and moved her hands away to sign for a moment,
‘Get some rest. We’ll be here when you wake up.’
Siffrin smiled back and, after feeling Mirabelle’s hands back to healing their chest and Isabeau’s hand returning to rub their back, felt okay enough to fall asleep.
o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o
A gentle breeze brushed against Siffrin’s cheek, and he slowly opened his eyes to a bright sky. He felt like he could breathe easily and just close his eyes for a while but decided not to lay around too long. They didn’t want to keep Loop waiting after all. He knew how impatient the other could be, though no fault of their own if Siffrin was being honest. When he sat up, however, a jolt of pain surged through his body, causing him to sharply suck in a breath.
The pain followed him even here?! Was Mirabelle’s healing fading already?! But it couldn’t have been even 10 minutes!! How is that fair?!
“Stardust there you are!” Loop’s voice called out to him, pounding in his ears, “You kept me waiting, how could you!” They were joking, and Siffrin would’ve rolled his eyes in good humor if he felt up to it. But he couldn’t muster a comeback, couldn’t bring himself to even speak. He heard the footsteps stop close to him, and Loop spoke in a soft, concerned voice,
“Stardust? Are you alright?” All Siffrin could do was make a pathetic attempt to smile at Loop and shake his head. Loop’s expression instantly grew serious, and they knelt next to him, giving him a look over, “Did…That sadness show up again?” The astral being shook their head, eyes darting to the side in thought, “No, that can’t be I’ve been here the whole time and-” Siffrin signed with his hands, causing Loop to blink, “What was that?” The rogue jumped a bit, before shaking their head. Right, Loop probably doesn’t know sign language, that was stupid of him. The Star’s eyebrows hunched a bit, not pleased, “Stardust, I just didn’t see what you did. Please show me again.” Would there even be a point? Then again Loop wouldn’t let it go very easily, and Siffrin was not up to fighting. They raised their hands again,
‘In pain. Can’t talk.’
Loop stared for a while, before nodding, “Alright then, you don’t have to speak.” Siffrin went wide eyed at other’s words, causing them to chuckle, “What? Didn’t expect me to know sign language? Stardust I’m offended~.” Gazing away from them gave away Siffrin’s answer, and Loop pouted, “I do remember things from before my loops you know. This just happens to be one of them.” The rogue tilted his head, but Loop continued before he could think to sign anything, “Enough about that. Do you think you can move to the tree?” Siffrin instantly shook his head, to which the former traveler sat down, “Then we’ll stay here today.” They motioned to the other, “Let’s lay you down, that’s probably more comfortable for you, yes?” Frantic signing,
‘But we’re supposed to be talking!’
Loop smirked, before they raised their hands,
‘Who do you think you’re talking to?’
Siffrin blinked several times, staring at the Star, until a big smile appeared on his face. They instantly felt at ease and let themselves lie down, Loop scooting closer as to make sure they felt safe. At least that’s how Siffrin read it, he wasn’t sure if that was Loop’s true intentions; it felt right though. Perhaps he should’ve guessed Loop also knew how to sign, but the idea that even though they were the same person yet still different lingered in Siffrin’s mind. Loop might’ve had different experiences, despite having the same background, so Siffrin didn’t want to immediately assume. They were their own person after all. Loop’s hands moved,
‘Comfy?’
Art by @nidbaesenpai
Siffrin nodded beaming. Loop had a lop-sided smile on their face, eyebrow quirked,
‘You’re that happy that I can sign to you? You’re easily pleased Stardust.’
Siffrin smiled,
‘I’m just happy we can communicate this way too. It’s important to me.’
Loop hummed,
‘I can see that. I suppose it’s important to me as well.’
Siffrin had to ask,
‘Where did you learn to sign?’
Loop blinked at the question before looking up in thought, “Where did I…?” They seemed to be reaching in the recesses of their mind to find the answer, and the silence went on for a bit. Siffrin began to worry that Loop was negatively impacted by his question, when Loop gave a cheerful smile,
‘That doesn’t matter now, does it? We can communicate like this, in any case!’
Ah, they’re avoiding answering a question again. It seems as if they don’t remember how they learned, but it wasn’t Siffrin’s place to pry. If anything, that would only upset Loop and again, he really didn’t want to fight right now, if at all. Deciding he would let it go for now, Siffrin nodded,
‘It makes me happy.’
Loop raised an eyebrow at that,
‘You’ve already said that.’
Siffrin giggled,
‘Just making sure you know.’
The Star snorted softly,
‘You are such a strange one, Stardust.’
‘And you’re not?’
‘I prefer the term ‘fabulous.’’
This is how it continued from then on that night, the two of them quipping back and forth so quickly to each other that Siffrin almost completely forgot about their pain. It had always been easy to forget the world around him when talking with Loop, Siffrin could never put their finger on it. Perhaps it was because they were the same person, or maybe because they only had each other in the time loop. Whatever the reason, the islander just felt their walls instantly come down when Loop was around, much like with their family.
Because Loop was family, and even if he can’t say that to them, it will remain as fact.
-crawls up to you like a cryptid- do you like Sailor Moon at all?
Does seeing a play that was traveling from Japan count shabfuisdhfdui
LOL but in all seriousness I watched Sailor Moon ALL THE TIME as a kid, and I was a huge fan. Can't say I'm the biggest fan now, not because I think it's bad I just don't think much about it!
I do appreciate it though and it being one of the first animes I ever watched growing up before I knew what Animes was ehdgisu
