The loops are finally over, now is the time for healing.
Hello and welcome to my tale, In Stars and Time: After Story! Of course there is spoilers ALL AROUND for the full game, optional content, and two hats so be aware of all that!
In Stars in Time: After Story takes places, as you can guess, after the story of the main game! It's a story of Siffrin's road to recovery and how those around him will assist with him healing, and in turn, have their own moments of personal growth. There is no main bosses to defeat, the main enemy in this story is Siffrin's mental health, which takes the form of a certain character met in Act 5; you can guess who that may be. There will be a lot of character interactions and bonding, but the series will also tackle more serious topics, such as self harm. There will be warnings for these topics at the beginning of each episode.
CHAPTERS:
[1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] [7] [8] [9] [10]
This will be updated as the story develops, so stay tuned!! <3
CW: Negative thinking, Spiraling, Basic Mal Du Pays stuff
*Bursts door down* THIS STORY'S ALIVE I SWEAR!! I know it's been a long while <X...( Lot's of personal and health issues (Mental and physical) happened and they took priority. Thankfully I'm slowly getting back on track and I was able to finish this chapter! I hope to write at a more decent pace, but I won't overexert myself, promise <3
With that said, please enjoy! <3
The idea of traveling with people made Siffrin anxious at first. He recalled meeting Mirabelle, Isabeau, and Odile almost a year ago now and being unsettled by the idea of having companions by his side. Stars, he didn’t even know how to interact with them since communication had never been his strong suit, as evident by his literal colossal meltdown a few months prior, but he had nothing better to do so he decided to join them.
And the realization that he’d do anything to keep these newfound connections close at all times came fast and hit him hard; the idea more terrifying than anything Siffrin could remember feeling. He didn’t mind being alone beforehand but spending time with those that genuinely cared for him had unlocked a buried need Siffrin had, and he couldn’t hold it back. The others called it a basic human desire, but to Siffrin it was so foreign considering they had lost everything about them, including their original home. It was comforting that the others felt the same, though. Back then, the group welcomed him rather easily, most likely due to their skill with defeating sadnesses.
Odile was the one that scared him the most, he knew she was suspicious of him for the longest time, but he couldn’t blame her considering Siffrin’s story before meeting the group would make people skeptical. After all, he wasn’t even from any country on the map (not erased) and not really the talkative, friendly type, so to say he was off-putting was an understatement.
Wait, could the ‘country being off-putting’ thing also apply to Odile? Maybe he should rephrase this…
Moving on from that for now, Siffrin tried his best to dissuade her doubts by helping the group with basic chores and fending off Sadnesses, however she didn’t ever let her guard down. It was nerve-wracking, Siffrin berating himself quite harshly whenever he failed to convince Odile that he was a good person. Though, even he didn’t fully believe it then. He couldn’t even remember who he was so what evidence did he truly have to prove his case? He still didn’t fully think he was that great of a person, though he’s beginning to understand his strengths more.
They recalled the exact moment Odile started warming up to them. It was after Siffrin saved Bonnie, causing him to lose his eye. He was bedridden for a few days as he struggled with pain and the sensations of his body trying to get used to the empty socket. Everyone was so worried, though Odile kept a level head and that energy had spread to the rest of the group. She just had a way of wrangling Siffrin and the others in and bringing them to their senses. Perhaps it was because of her age, or because she was well versed in the many topics she’d studied. Whatever the reason, Siffrin after that point found himself really admiring the woman, albeit still found her sort of terrifying, especially when mad or when she picked up on things way too easily. The less they thought about the first time she figured out they were using Time Craft the better. He’ll have plenty of moments to confront it but right now, remembering her face and the swift, bluntness of her words…He shivered, trying to focus on the other memory he was remembering.
Odile didn’t want to mention back then, but Siffrin recalled a lot of times when they woke up from the fever that Odile was seated close by, either reading another book or resting her eyes. If Siffrin didn’t know any better he’d have thought that she hadn’t moved, but she had to have, right? She often complained about sleeping sitting up, and they weren’t even that close back then, so her staying by his side for more than half the days he was bedridden was just Siffrin’s wishful thinking. Then again, Odile was the hardest to read out of the whole group, so maybe Siffrin was allowed to believe it just a little bit. Nowadays, Siffrin felt that they could fully turn to Odile the most. Even with the others he still had worries of telling them his problems for fear they’d be annoyed or mask how they feel, but Odile had long proven she wouldn’t hide anything in words, if anything she was rather blunt at points. However, Siffrin found that reassuring, and Odile’s offer to have sessions with Siffrin proved she wanted to hear them out and wouldn’t be annoyed with them. The others weren’t ever either of course, they loved Siffrin, but if they heard anything he said during his talks with Odile it wouldn’t go well. Maybe.
He was thinking too hard again, get back to the memories at hand Siffrin.
Isabeau warmed up to them only two days after they joined the party, and soon enough the two were bouncing puns off each other and making each other laugh. Siffrin absolutely adored Isabeau’s laugh, honestly the reason he learned how to tell jokes as well as he did was because of the former defender. The mere fact that they could make the man laugh so hard from a joke they told lit a spark that they didn’t know was even there. That spark lit up everything in front of Siffrin’s eyes, from Isabeau’s earrings to his teeth to the tears that built up in his eyes because he was just doubled over from laughing. The sun, Isabeau, shined so bright that Siffrin was afraid that they’d be burned, but oh Stars that’s exactly what they wanted. For Isabeau’s light to engulf them until only embers remained, grasped in the man’s warm grip where they could burn alongside him. It was a new discovery that, while scary at first, Siffrin wanted to chase with everything they had; recapture the moment again and again, just to have Isabeau’s laugh light up their soul once more.
Siffrin never once picked up on the fact that Isabeau fell in love with them back then, but during their 150 loops the feelings were laid in front of Siffrin that they practically kept slapping him in the face. It was a miracle that they didn’t kiss Isabeau sooner than they did, though he still felt disgusting for that. They had no right to force Isabeau into a kiss, it was so wrong of them. However, Isabeau made sure to ease their thoughts by a gentle peck on their temple and reassurance that the man was probably just shocked, as he didn’t think Siffrin liked touch so a kiss would of course be surprising. Siffrin started to have a feeling as he was with Isabeau though, that maybe the former Defender pushed them away because he was actually afraid of facing those feelings. It would explain the times Isabeau couldn’t bring himself to say it, even when they were going to go their separate ways. Was he also afraid of how a relationship would turn out between them, or how love is in general?
Hmm…Maybe Siffrin was overthinking it. In any case, he learned things about Isabeau after beginning their relationship and studying him closely. He had a serious expression when he concentrated, to the point where Siffrin thought there was something wrong at first, but then Isabeau would look at him and instantly the expression would be replaced with a smile. The Rogue had started growing used to it, and honestly it was rather cute the more Siffrin saw it. Just knowing that his boyfriend was deeply focused on whatever he was working on, putting so much care and effort into everything he did…Siffrin honestly found it quite attractive, maybe he should let Isabeau know that; the flustered look they’re bound to get would be well worth it, also it’d just be nice to let Isabeau know how appreciated he is.
Another thing that Siffrin picked up on was Isabeau’s subtle avoidance of mirrors. It was never noticeable in the loops of course, as Isabeau showing how to work the one in Dormont’s House of Change was just a quick pit stop in the whole house, so Siffrin didn’t think the man was really opposed to them. Besides, he practically beamed in all the pictures the mirror took so Siffrin felt even less like there was ever any problem. But when Siffrin brought it up after being freed, Isabeau sort of quickly brushed it off. They figured it was just because the rock craft user didn’t like to ‘show off’ as he said and just made a mental note to encourage him. However, when the party stopped at inns or offered homes, Siffrin began to realize that Isabeau quickly sped past the mirrors in the rooms; or if he had to use them, he would only do so for a couple seconds. Siffrin thought back to the man’s words whenever they hung out in the loops.
Did Isabeau feel ashamed of himself when he looked in a mirror…? Siffrin felt their heart clench at the thought. Isabeau didn’t deserve that, Siffrin needed to change his mind somehow. Then again, if this was anything like Siffrin, it’d be easier said than done…Isabeau seemed to be quite convinced of his faults, so proving that his positives were stronger would be an uphill battle. Siffrin rubbed the tip of his index finger and thumb together in thought, honestly they weren’t sure how to begin a conversation involving this. Even after so many blinding loops, it was as if Siffrin learned nothing about communication.
…Though maybe that wasn’t any fault of their own. Maintaining any cohesive thought from an almost never-ending time loop was pretty much impossible, so perhaps he could cut himself some slack. Still, he did want to discuss this with Isabeau. They’ll have to find a proper time sometime soon, hopefully the man wouldn’t mind.
Going back to his ‘memory of joining’, the last to remember was Mirabelle. She was so welcoming, sweet to a fault, and always made sure Siffrin had everything he needed; though the more Siffrin thought about it she was more anxious than anything due to not being on her medication. She probably didn’t truly trust him at first, maybe for as long as Odile did, and even then it turned out that their relationship wasn’t as strong as Siffrin wanted to hope it was. He wasn’t that shocked though, he and Mirabelle never really got to know each other and kept one another at arm’s length, so it made sense that she built up an idea of Siffrin in her head that was nowhere close to who he was, then again, he wasn’t any better. He inwardly cringed at this, how lame was he to have let their relationship rot like that? At least they were talking better now, Mirabelle had every right to cut them off after what they said to her back then, yet she still let him stay a friend and gave him another chance. He still didn’t feel worthy of it, but he only told Odile that in their sessions. There would come a time to discuss that with Mirabelle, but he didn’t feel ready, however she respected that and he was grateful. Siffrin had to wonder if Mirabelle liked the real them, but considering they had laid their feelings bare 4 months ago and she still is standing next to them, even finding ways to support them, made Siffrin understand that she wanted to stay at least. Stay for the Siffrin that wants to try and to heal and not the one that hurt her.
…
…
But the fact that it hurt her so much meant she viewed Siffrin as a bad person back then, didn’t she? She viewed him as this ‘cool and mysterious’ rogue that took center stage with ease, someone that had such a suffocating aura that she didn’t dare ask him about how he truly felt or who he was. Mirabelle thought his secrets were so interesting but because she was apparently ‘respecting his boundaries’, she never once thought to bridge the gap between them. Even if she was anxious and dealing with a lot, she shouldn’t have profiled him the way she did! It wasn’t fair! Siffrin was worthy of her friendship, of her love, why did she make him out to be such a scary person?! They clenched their hands into fists as their body began to tremble, feeling the anger settle in their stomach uncomfortably. Siffrin had no right to say what he did, but Mirabelle had no right to imagine him as a someone who didn’t care at all!!
He cared; he did! Didn’t he try hard enough to show he meant no harm?! They liked Mirabelle a lot, she was amazing! Even when she was so anxious and ready to break, she still pushed forward and did what she had to! He wanted to be more like her, be able to handle things the way she did! They never wanted her to see them as cruel, but she decided that’s who they were anyway! That’s not fair at all! They loved Mirabelle a lot, they were her ‘Feelings Buddy’ now, so why can’t she just tell them why she thought that way about them! Why does he have to be the one to start the conversation?! Why does Siffrin always have to be held accountable for what happened when it was everyone’s fault for not talking?! Why can’t Mirabelle just accept him for who he is instead of profiling him over and over and OVER?!
…
…
‘…Who am I…?’
The question now hovering in Siffrin’s mind caused all their frustration to almost instantly dissipate. If you ask anybody else that question it might as well be an easy answer, but for Siffrin it was like staring at a blank page with no hope of filling it out. Everybody else had memories of their past and a place in the world set from when they were born, they got to go back to where they came from; Siffrin couldn’t. He couldn’t go back to his place of birth, it and his memories about it had all been taken away in the blink of an eye. He couldn’t visit it across the vast sea that was as clear and dangerous as it was giving, couldn’t feel the warmth of the rocks in the mountains that were covered in trees, and couldn’t grip the lightless sand in his fingers.
And the only reason they knew any of that was because they heard the King say it, they could never hope to truly visualize it in their head or feel the sensations on their skin. They weren’t so fortunate as to have a past, a sense of identity, not even his name. Only the clothes on their back showed they truly did have a home once, but no one even remembered it so did it really count? Even the title of ‘Rogue’ was just a moniker he gave himself because he felt it fit, and to be fair it sort of does now, but the fact is that all pieces of identity he has now were gained after losing his memory and home. Their sense of self was ripped away from them, and they couldn’t do anything about it, the only thing they had now…was the family they’ve gained here; the one that took him in despite being suspicious at first, the one that still accepted him even though he almost ruined everything. They had done nothing but support him ever since his literal colossal breakdown, and it didn’t seem like they would stop anytime soon.
He looked up at the stars, shining brightly in the sky. What had Siffrin been doing to support the others? Was he not trying hard enough? Did Mirabelle not talk to them about what happened because she still wasn’t comfortable around them? Were they…still scary?
Of course you are.
But Mirabelle was scary too! Whenever he tried to come up with a way to talk to her about what happened, he couldn’t stop thinking about how she slapped him! She hurt them too!!
Why is that so surprising? You tore her down so much that she had no choice but to defend herself.
‘That’s…!’
You think you have the right to be upset about this? You weren’t even all that close with her all the while constantly teasing every little part of her, so of course she would think that you were only out to bring harm. Someone so out of place trying to make themselves feel better by turning others into more of a joke than they are.
‘No!’
You can’t deny how much of an outsider you truly are to them. You have nothing to call your own, no memories to fall back on. The only thing you have is this tattered mess you call a family.
‘It’s not tattered!! It’s strong, we’re all getting better at communicating!!’
You say that, but when was the last time you truly shared something about yourself? You’ve never truly told them about the stars, the Universe, and why would you? They would only mock you for such silly fantasies. And they are just fantasies. After all…
He felt it tower over him, blocking the sky from view.
The stars will never align for you again, will they?
Siffrin felt his chest tighten, realizing that his Sadness was right. No matter how much he prayed, cried, or even begged, the Universe would not light his way home, because there was no home to return to. No matter what he did, he’d always be the outlander that nobody knew the origin of; one with strange beliefs and funny accent. He still recalled the stares he got and whispers he overheard when he was alone, more in some places than others. It’s why he preferred to be on his own for the longest time, he figured no one would trust him, so he just kept to himself. It’s for this reason party’s enthusiastic request for him to join startled him quite a bit, and why his desire to hold on to them became so suffocatingly strong; because people finally looked at him and saw something worth keeping.
But would his family ever truly love him if he shared all the parts of him? Would they still find them interesting if they shared what they knew about the stars? Everyone only pieced together that he liked them because Isabeau brought it up in conversation, and then they connected the dots from habits Siffrin did. They did ask about it then, but he panicked and just said that he thought the stars were pretty. How could he tell them when all he could remember was the party mocking him in the house’s observatory, telling him that everything he said was just made up to trick Bonnie? How can he be honest when he doesn’t even know who he truly is, when there’s no one else like him that he can call his own?
…He wanted to see Loop…
“Siffrin?” Mirabelle’s voice, he turned to her, “It’s dinner time, do you need help getting back inside the-” She suddenly jumped, “Y-You’re crying! What’s wrong??” Siffrin blinked a few times, realizing that tears were indeed falling from his eyes.
He began to wipe them but soon realized he couldn’t stop, letting out a trembling whimper, “I-I’m sorry, I didn’t think I was…I’ll b-be okay, I’ll stop in a minute…!” Curse himself for being so emotional, he didn’t want it to seem like he was breaking at nothing! What would everyone think? He didn’t want them to worry, or resort to coddling him, it’s just-!
…Siffrin felt Mirabelle sit next to them. They opened their eyes to see her looking concerned, of course she was, but she also had the familial air around her that wanted to comfort them. Siffrin felt uneasy, and the urge to push her away was so strong, but she placed a hand on his and gave a comforting smile which eased his discomfort slightly.
Mirabelle spoke, “It’s alright. Something is clearly bothering you where you need to let it out, and it’s good to do so.” Siffrin sniffled, giving a nod. Mirabelle continued, “I’m sorry we didn’t pick up on how you were feeling. Do you want to talk about it?”
Siffrin looked down, “I…I don’t know…” Because he really didn’t. He was starting to understand that letting the others know how he was feeling helped immensely, but it still felt honestly painful to do so. It was like someone gripped his throat, or clawed at his stomach, begging for him to remain quiet. It also didn’t help that there was a Sadness inside them that wanted to tear their existence apart every chance it got, though that was doubly hard to talk about. Siffrin contemplated for a little while longer, wondering if Mirabelle truly wouldn’t mind hearing them out. After all she might be still…
He felt Mirabelle squeeze his hand as she leaned down a little so she could look at his face, her smile kind, “I can tell your thinking too hard again. Whatever is on your mind you don’t have to deal with it alone, and you don’t have to be ashamed of feeling this way.”
Siffrin realized that he had been overthinking some things. Maybe not so much the ‘star’ thing though that was a whole other can of worms, but Mirabelle didn’t want to bring him harm like he had been spiraling about. He didn’t like that she hadn’t said anything about what happened, but she never meant to hurt him, unlike what he did to her. Did he mean to hurt Mirabelle back then? His lips drew a thin line, genuinely unable to tell, and he sniffled again.
Mirabelle brought out a handkerchief, and held it up, “May I dry your eyes Siffrin? Or would that be too overwhelming at the moment?”
Siffrin honestly would love that, and he nodded, “Y-You can.”
Feeling the soft cloth brush against his skin, Mirabelle taking extra care to not push too hard, Siffrin felt the urge to cry harder. It was so loving it honest to Universe hurt, how could he have ever doubted her? Someone so willing to put others first even though there was so much on her mind and the world on her shoulders. The fact that they were an outsider, teased her to no end, and then threw her kindness back in her face…It’s no wonder she was so quick to end their friendship, Siffrin would have done the same. He sobbed, hiccupping as Mirabelle’s hand froze for a moment, before resuming its motions, her voice now soft and worried,
“Oh Siffrin…” She scooted closer, the less space between them made Siffrin know she wanted to be there. It made them happy… “Please tell me what’s wrong. You don’t have to say everything; I would just like to know how to help you.” She deserves an answer, even though it’s hard.
Siffrin swallowed to wet down his throat before looking up at her whimpering out, “Mira…A-Am I scary…?” He saw Mirabelle blink several times, the words catching her off guard.
Her eyebrows furrowed in confusion, “Of course not, Siffrin. Why would you think…” Her voice trailed off as Siffrin could see the realization hit her, and she processed it for a moment or so, before she looked heartbroken again. Why though? If she was remembering the same thing she shouldn’t be heartbroken over what Siffrin did to her, how he tore her down and made her think that she’d be alone. In a sense, he was projecting onto her then, because why would any sensible person want to stay with him?
Mirabelle placed a hand on his cheek, interrupting his thoughts, “I can hazard a guess as to what is going through your head right now, so let me say this…” She took a breath, “Siffrin, I won’t lie to you. What happened back then did scare me. I mean, what friend says all those things to a person they care about with a smile on their face? I couldn’t understand why you chose to hurt me, and at first, I didn’t want to understand.” Siffrin flinched, but Mirabelle’s voice softened, “But I now realize…You were very lonely then. None of us were able to help you, we couldn’t see how much pain you were in, and all you had was Loop.” She suddenly grew flustered, “N-Not that there’s anything wrong with that last part!! Loop is really amazing and I can understand why having them as a companion was what you needed to keep going!!” Siffrin tilted his head, and Mirabelle took another deep breath, “What I’m trying to say is…You aren’t the only one at fault. You’ve made mistakes, but I’m not innocent here either.”
She took their hands in hers, “So…I think we should talk about what happened, soon at the very least. I know how nerve wracking it will be, believe me, but it will be okay! You and I are ‘Feelings Buddies’, that means we will conquer whatever this bump in the road throws at us!” She gave a smile, the warmth easing Siffrin’s anxious heart, “And…I know that both of us will be okay. We’ll still be friends even after talking about it, and I for one would love to continue being by your side.” Siffrin stared at the Housemaiden as her words wrapped around him in a protective veil, hugging him so tightly that the night’s chill was no longer felt on his face. It almost was smothering; however, it meant Mirabelle’s words, Mirabelle herself, was real. She wanted to stay, to talk, and she wanted to keep being Siffrin’s friend even if the discussion between them would be as sour as the green apples Bonnie used for their deserts.
Siffrin sucked in a breath as a wave of emotion swept over him, but he finally managed to smile as he gripped Mirabelle’s hands back, “Thank you Mira.” The woman’s smile seemed to only grow, her eyes crinkling at the sides.
They would be okay. Even if the worst came and threatened to drown them, they would brace against the waves together.
They would be okay.
They had to be okay.
Mirabelle gave their hands a shake, “Now then, are you ready to come inside?” Siffrin thought for a moment, before looking up at the night sky,
“I think I’d like to look at the stars for a little longer.” He paused, “…Would you like to join me Mira?”
The Housemaiden looked surprised, “Oh! Are you sure? I wouldn’t want to impose.”
Siffrin chuckled, “It’s fine. I want you to.” With this, Mirabelle happily settled next to Siffrin as she began to gaze at the stars with them. He knew she wouldn’t find anything within their glow, but it was nice to have company.
“I don’t think I ever asked,” Mirabelle said, “but why do you look up at the stars Siffrin?” The Rogue froze at the question, how should he answer? Mirabelle had just comforted him; it would make sense to repay her for that right? If he was being honest, he still didn’t feel comfortable with sharing anything about the stars, the cosmos that held a past long lost. Even so, he felt a pull to share it with Mirabelle despite the fact that telling her scared Siffrin the most. It wasn’t because he didn’t think she’d want to hurt him, but the idea that someone so set in a different religion could once again make fun of him for a ‘silly idea’ just made him feel so alone. It didn’t help that the Change God himself seemed to favor Mirabelle a lot, so it was like both were making fun of the outsider that didn’t have a home to go back to. That God took so much pleasure in Siffrin’s suffering, watching him mentally deteriorate as if it were truly a play to watch and it had a front row seat; Siffrin could practically hear the uproarious laughter and booming applause. If Mirabelle heard her God’s true nature, who would she side with? The idea made telling Mirabelle about his beliefs truly terrifying, and weighed Siffrin’s heart down so much…
He shifted a little, trying to speak words but none formed in his mind. Mirabelle had just proven she wanted to work on their friendship so Siffrin should do so as well, but he couldn’t bring himself to say anything.
Mirabelle turned to him, once again concerned, “I’m sorry, is it too private?”
Siffrin’s lips drew a thin line, anxiety once again gripping his stomach, “…Yes.” He admitted, “But it’s not that I don’t want to share it with you.” Because they did, they just didn’t want to make the situation awkward. Maybe he should go about this another way? He looked up at the sky, and asked, “What do you think of the stars Mira?”
Mirabelle followed Siffrin’s gaze as she, too, looked up, “Hmm…” Siffrin could tell she was giving it some thought, and after a few moments she said, “To be honest, I don’t think there is anything particularly special about them. I just always thought they were lights in the sky. Pretty lights, but nothing more to it than that.” Siffrin felt themself deflate, of course that would be her answer.
He looked down, feeling defeated though he wasn’t entirely sure why; they knew this would be the outcome. He gave a small, strained smile, “I see.”
“However,” Mirabelle continued, “my perspective has changed a bit recently.”
Huh? Siffrin blinked a few times, his gaze returning to the woman, asking, “How come?”
She giggled a little, looking at Siffrin, “Because of you.”
Taken aback, Siffrin tilted their head, “Me? Why?”
Mirabelle gazed back up at the sky, a thoughtful smile on her lips, “While I personally don’t see any sort of meaning in them, I can tell they mean a lot to you. Ever since we started our new journey, and I hope you don’t mind this, I’ve taken to observing you when stars are brought up in any manner. I’ve seen how happy they make you, and how much looking at them brings you peace of mind.” She paused, as if trying to see what Siffrin saw in the night sky, and he felt appreciative of the sentiment. Mirabelle continued, “It got me thinking about what stories you have about the stars. Isabeau even said they make pictures! They’re called…um…”
Siffrin chuckled, “Constellations.”
“Right! Constellations! I didn’t think images could even be seen by connecting stars together, but it sounds lovely!” Mirabelle peered over at Siffrin again inquisitively, “Do you think there’s any we can see at the moment?”
Siffrin scanned the darkened sky carefully, doing his best to remember the stars that held specific meanings. In truth, their memory of the constellations had diminished slightly after the loops. It had just become harder to recall certain things after being in an endless cycle for so long. His memory was already not the greatest, so to lose knowledge that he was confident in stung quite a bit. Now that he’s out and doing his best to heal though, it all ebbed back, slowly but surely. It also helped that everyone assisted with collecting the island’s books whenever they came across them, so Siffrin was able to regain some semblance of a connection to his original home. He knew he could never go back, the way was forever lost, but to know that there was still a way to hold onto one of the last shreds of evidence comforted him. Perhaps one day, he’d know just as much as the King did when he was permanently frozen.
Siffrin had to admit they still felt a bit jealous, however all he could do now was go on with his life with what pieces remain.
Their eyes searched through the darkened sky for a silent minute or two, when they finally landed on a bright star, commonly known as Alpheratz, and couldn’t stop himself from jumping in place a little from excitement.
Mirabelle jolted a little, then smiled, “Did you find one?”
Siffrin nodded excitedly, “I did! It’s right there!” He pointed to where the constellation lay, “Do you see that very bright star?” The woman’s gaze followed Siffrin’s finger, and she squinted a little to try and make the star stand out more.
She soon nodded, smiling, “Oh, I see it!”
Siffrin beamed, already feeling overjoyed.
‘Calm down Siffrin, you have to point out the rest of the constellation first.’
“Alright.” Siffrin said, beginning to move his hand, “Now, follow my finger carefully.” He hadn’t meant it to sound commanding, but the mix of nerves and enthusiasm made his entire body feel like there was pent up energy with nowhere to go. It made him woozy in all honesty, hopefully it didn’t make his hand shake too much or this moment would be ruined!
‘Stay calm, stay calm.’
Maybe he should offer some kind of advice though? He did sound sort of mean…
“Erm…” He began, “If it’s a little hard, try to imagine lines connecting them. This one in particular should look like a person.” It was quiet again, Siffrin slowly tracing the image in the sky for Mirabelle to follow. He couldn’t help but wait with bated breath as she looked, hoping, even praying to the Universe itself that she’d see.
Please please please!
Soon, Mirabelle’s eyes lit up with excitement, “I think I see it! I see it Siffrin!!” The older wanted to cry he was so happy. He would keep it together though; he needed this moment to go on longer! Mirabelle turned to them, “It really is a picture in the sky! Is the brightest star the head?”
Siffrin nodded excitedly, “It is! This constellation is called Andromeda, or ‘The Chained Lady.’”
Not surprisingly, Mirabelle’s mouth gaped in shock, “W-Why is it called that? Isn’t that a bit of a cruel name?”
Siffrin looked up at the constellation in question, “It’s more so a part of a story. I don’t remember the whole thing, but Andromeda was chained to a cliff to appease a monster before she was rescued by a man on a winged horse.”
Mirabelle tilted her head in confusion, but Siffrin saw that she was thoroughly interested as her eyes lit up with enthusiasm, “A tale of a woman left to fend off a monster on her own until someone swoops in with their noble winged steed?” She hopped energetically with her hands clasped together in front of her chest, “It sounds so thrilling! If you’re ever able to remember the rest I’d love to hear it!”
Siffrin blinked in surprise, before beaming once more, “I will!” He pointed up to the sky again, “If I recall correctly, you can find the horse’s constellation near Andromeda’s. Do you want to look with me?” Mirabelle instantly scooted closer to them, and they both began their search.
“Do you remember what the horse was called?” Mirabelle asked.
“Hmm…” Siffrin raked his brain for the name, but it was escaping him at the moment, “I…Can’t remember, but I do know he’s pretty fast and brought lightning to a god.”
He saw the Housemaiden smile in the corner of his eye, “I see. I’d love to see him.”
“We’ll have to find him in the sky then.” Siffrin said, more determined than ever to find the winged creature in the stars. Though…How did they find this constellation before? Maybe start from Alpheratz again? He lifted his finger and traced lines starting from the bright star, examining each path as their brain tried to connect the literal dots. Soon, it was as if their hand subconsciously went on a set path, and the moment it stopped its tracing Siffrin knew he had found the image.
They nudged Mirabelle, “I found him.” He waited for Mirabelle to give a nod that she was looking, and he began to trace the sky once more.
Mirabelle tilted her head after a little while, “He has sort of a big square for his constellation.”
“That’s his body.” Siffrin said, “These two lines are his legs…” He pointed out the said stars relating to said limbs, before moving to the third line, “And that one-”
“Is his neck and head?” Mirabelle finished, and Siffrin nodded with a bright smile,
“Right!” He said, voice full of glee. The woman giggled as she looked up back at the horse’s constellation,
“If I’m being honest though…It looks sort of like a stick figure if I put lines in between the stars.” Siffrin stared for a moment, before he couldn’t help but let out boisterous laughter as his eyes squeezed shut, the tears, little traitors they are, filled his eyes as they sat at the rims. For once they’d let it slide, they couldn’t contain themself. Finally, finally, someone saw what he saw in the stars! He felt Mirabelle jump slightly and she began to fuss, “I-I’m sorry! Was that insulting? Did I insult your culture? I didn’t mean to!”
Siffrin shook his head swiftly, drying his eyes as he tried to speak through his laughter, “N-No you’re fine! I-I just…I’m happy!” He was! He really was!! The person they were terrified of sharing this with the most actually made an effort to understand, she saw what he saw! She cared about them; she loved them!
And maybe the others would understand too! Because they love him as well!
Their heart could burst it was so full right now, but he should focus on calming down lest he make Mirabelle worry more. He placed a hand on his chest and breathed slowly, laughter still bubbling in their stomach as they giggled periodically, before his breath finally evened out. He gave a wide smile at Mirabelle, “Sorry about that, I’m just…really happy that I can finally share this with someone.”
Mirabelle looked them over once, mostly out of concern, before smiling back, “Well, I’m very glad you decided to do so with me.” It grew quiet, and Mirabelle brought her intertwined hands back to her chest, “If I may…Is there a reason why you kept this a secret?” She asked, “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to, but if there was something preventing you from telling us about your love for the stars I would like to help. I know the others would too.”
Siffrin grew quiet, looking away deep in thought. Should they tell Mirabelle the truth, the reason as to why he refused to bear his heart when it involved this part of himself? It would most likely hurt her, and a small part of him wanted it to, because then he’d feel validated in the pain from being made fun of. He would finally gain the satisfaction of proving the others wrong.
But…didn’t they already do that by proving to Mirabelle that constellations were truly in the night sky? Why do they want more than that?? She doesn’t even remember picking on him so why tear her down now?
Tear her down like he did before…
Stars…How much more disgusting could he be?
A nudge to his side, and he turned to Mirabelle whose eyes held concern again. Right, he hasn’t said anything and given the tenseness in his face he probably doesn’t look the greatest. His gaze shifted downward as he folded his hands together, squeezing them twice to steady himself. Despite what he may think, Mirabelle had proven she supported his beliefs, even if this was just the tip of the iceberg. Regardless, she deserved to know the truth, even if it hurt.
Siffrin’s lips drew a thin line, “It…was during the loops.” He said, “You know the observatory in Dormont’s House of Change right? The room with the big window?” Mirabelle gave an affirmative hum, and Siffrin continued, “Well, I went there in some loops to just…relax. Looking at the stars just seemed to help you know?” A pause, “And well, at some point we were discussing the telescope, and Bonnie said that stars were boring. I wanted to prove them wrong, so I talked about how interesting stars are. How…How they aren’t just dots and are actually balls of fire, gas, and light, and that most are really big just very far away, and that they’re here during the day too not just at-”
Oh no they’ve started rambling!! Stars Blind it Siffrin keep it together you’re trying to explain why you’ve kept this hidden, not make Mirabelle think that you should!
Siffrin hunched over a little bit, trying to hide themself, “And…You and Odile said that I was telling lies. You laughed at me for what I said, like I made it up.” His hands clenched tightly, “It wasn’t the first time either. Way before the loops started, I tried talking about the stars to everyone and no one cared, so I…” They bit their bottom lip and their eyebrows knitted together almost painfully as they tried to stop their emotions from teetering over, “I’ve just kept quiet about it. I didn’t want something that’s important to me to be treated like a joke again. Because if you didn’t care before, then…Why should I continue to make a fool of myself?”
The silence seemed to drag on for a while, causing a surge of anxiety to crash into Siffrin in waves. It felt good to be honest, but at the same time thinking about Mirabelle’s reaction sent him reeling. He should look and ease his fears, he was making a mountain out of a molehill again, but the idea that Mirabelle’s eyes would hold anything but understanding twisted his stomach in ways he’d rather not remember.
However, Mirabelle’s voice soon came, quiet and shaken, “Siffrin…?” He blinked, that was not what he expected her to sound like. Turning to his friend, he was shocked to see that her eyes were glistening with tears with a frown that looked as if she was trying to hold herself back from breaking.
Instantly, alarm bells sounded in his head as he exclaimed, “M-Mira?! I’m sorry I-I didn’t mean to make you cry!! Oh stars, please don’t cry!”
“How can’t I?!” Mirabelle shouted, causing Siffrin to jolt backwards a little, and she continued, “I’ve made you feel so terrible about sharing something so important to you! You’ve kept this hidden because of my actions!” She paused as if remembering something, then looked down feeling ashamed, “I remember…Back on our first journey, before reaching Dormont, I said that there was nothing interesting about the stars. I said that your ideas about them were ‘silly’, all because I didn’t understand.” She shook her head, “No…I chose not to, and that’s even worse!” She looked at Siffrin again, tears threatening to fall at any moment, “And now, in the loops, I did it again! I made fun of you for something that is part of who you are, your home! How can I call myself your friend when I did that?!”
Siffrin was blindsided by Mirabelle’s anger, over him no less. It honestly was a bit strange to them that she would be upset like this over her actions, a side effect from the loops perhaps, but was it really such an odd turn of events? Any normal person would want to improve on something like this. It seems he was still seeing her as the ‘Well Put Together Mira’ when she never was that. She was a human with faults just like them, so why wouldn’t she want to improve? It made sense in hindsight; he was the same way. They felt so guilty about making her upset but to know she was sorry, that she regretted her actions and wanted to do better…
It was validating, Siffrin felt seen.
Still, he felt terrible about making her cry like this. Also was feeling validated here awful of him? If they were honest, their feelings about it went in multiple directions. All that aside they needed to help Mirabelle, he couldn’t just leave her in this state, but how could they comfort her? She likes holding hands so perhaps that will help? Siffrin reached over and held her hands in his, Mirabelle blinking in confusion.
It didn’t seem like she was reacting poorly, so Siffrin decided to speak, “I can’t say that your actions didn’t hurt me, but I still want you to be my friend. You’re important to me Mira, and I don’t think I can be without you in my life.” That much was obvious considering his literal colossal meltdown, “I don’t have many memories of my home, and technically what you did in the loops never happened so it’s all good!”
Oh Stars, she looks so crestfallen. Dammit Siffrin how do you keep fumbling this?!
“N-No I didn’t mean…” Siffrin’s grip on Mirabelle’s hand tightened slightly, both from fear she’d pull away and for reassurance, “I’m sorry, it’s still hard to find the right words when I need to comfort someone.” He breathed deep, in…and out… “The truth is…I know it’s impossible to go back to where I’m from, and the few memories I have I cling to. Admittedly I’m jealous of you, because you can return to where you’re from and I just…can’t.” They gave a soft smile, “But it’s also because of you that I have a home here, with the others. I have more memories to hold onto because you let me join the party that day. If you hadn’t asked me to come along with you I…”
…
Mirabelle tilted her head, “Siffrin?”
Siffrin grew quiet. He didn’t want to think about it, didn’t want to know what that life was like.
They didn’t want to know what it’d be like not to hear Mirabelle’s stories, her enthusiasm, her gentle warmth as she smiled at them.
They didn’t want to know what it was like to not have Odile’s advice, her snark, her kindness through her actions as she supported them through their sessions.
He didn’t want to know what it was like to not have Bonnie’s cooking, their energy, their determination to help him through the roughest patches.
They didn’t want to know what it was like to not have Isabeau’s hand in theirs, to not hear his laughter, to not share puns with him, hold him, make him smile, be next to him forever and ever and ever.
No no no no, he couldn’t lose them! He didn’t want them to leave him behind!!
And why not? It’s better that way. No one to hurt you, no one to drag you down with their problems. It’s better to be alone isn’t it?
No!! He never wanted to be alone; he just didn’t have a choice!!
And yet you found it comfortable didn’t you? No one ever asked you for anything, no one ever needed anything from you. No one had to know just how DISGUSTING you really are.
“STOP!!” Siffrin clenched his hands over his ears, head shooting downwards as they curled inward. He didn’t want to hear their blinding Sadnesses words anymore, he didn’t want to think about if he actually liked being alone, he just wanted it to be QUIET!!
“S-Siffrin, what’s wrong?!” He heard Mirabelle’s voice, and he froze. Stars she’s going to think their crazy, she’s going to-“Change, you’re trembling. Talk to me, please.” She’s just…concerned. Of course she is, she’s Mirabelle; kind, warm Mirabelle. Siffrin looked up at her, and something about her worried expression just made the tears burst forward. “Oh Siffrin…Can I hug you?” He nodded, and she wrapped her arms around him. It was tight, suffocating, but it made them feel safe and alive, that she wasn’t going anywhere. They returned her embrace, clinging to her as if she would suddenly vanish.
He was still scared about them leaving, and he knew it wasn’t healthy, but he couldn’t help it. They were his family; how does one live without a family? How did he live without one for as long as he did?
…He needs to talk with Odile about this…
They suddenly heard Isabeau’s voice, “Is everything okay out here?”
Mirabelle’s head turned to Isabeau, “I’m not sure…We were talking fine one minute, but then Siffrin became quiet all of a sudden before beginning to panic.” Siffrin heard Isabeau’s heavy footsteps walk closer before he knelt down next to them, gently petting them on the head. They peaked out from Mirabelle’s chest, and his partner’s face held so much affection it practically melted Siffrin on the spot, though of course there was concern laced in with it.
“Hey Sif.” Isabeau said, “Is your pain acting up again?” They shook their head and wondered if they should be honest. Would they think he’s crazy? Probably not, they’ve proven on more than one occasion that they wouldn’t judge him.
He sniffled, and admitted, “Th-Thinking too much…Thought very bad things…”
Isabeau nodded, and gave a soft, proud smile, “Thank you for telling us Sif. Do you want to go get something to eat?” That sounded amazing honestly. They had to ask though…
“Can Mira sit next to me?”
Isabeau gave a loving chuckle, “Of course she can.”
Mirabelle nodded giggling, “I would love to sit next to you Siffrin.” They buried his face into Mirabelle’s chest once more, feeling a fresh batch of tears come forward.
He could worry about his negative thoughts later, right now he’d bask in this warmth.
o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o
The field tickled Siffrin’s nose as their consciousness came back to him, and they couldn’t help but smile. It was always nice to come back to a calm place like this, which was a little ironic considering open fields usually spiked his anxiety. However, here it brought a wonderful person back to him, so he felt any anxiety swept away by the anticipation of talks with Loop.
Speaking of which, they heard their voice not too far off, “You’re already smiling? I must admit it looks rather cute on you, though if you keep it for too long it’ll stick Stardust. Personally, I think we’d both find that creepy.” Siffrin pouted, and though his mind latched onto Loop calling him cute he’d ignore that for now. He sat up, looking over at Loop who was sitting relaxed under the tree as usual, head tilted in a manner that on the surface showed no interest, but Siffrin could tell that Loop’s full attention was on him.
Suddenly he felt a bit embarrassed, and his eyes turned to the side. Loop’s eyes squinted a little from smiling, a laugh on their non-existent lips, “What’s the matter Stardust? I’m just looking.”
Siffrin hunched a little, trying to hide his now reddening face in his cloak as he attempted to come up with a rebuttal, “You’re staring. There’s a difference.”
Loop chuckled, “And why, pray tell, am I not allowed to? Do I really fluster you that much? If I didn’t know any better I would think you really were stunned by my appearance.” They struck a pose, “I mean, why wouldn’t you be? I’m absolutely fabulous!” Siffrin grumbled nervously, but he couldn’t deny Loop was stunning to look at. After all, they were a literal star, shining down on them with their warm glow that engulfed them completely and devoured all that he was-
‘Okay Siffrin, slow down there. You can’t be thinking such thoughts lest Loop reads your mind. Which, of course they can’t but it’s the principle of it all. And what would Isabeau think? You couldn’t do that to him, even though you’re not doing anything at all of course! You don’t even know why you thought what you did, Loop is just a friend! You can’t do that to them; you can’t think such disgusting thoughts about them!!’
“Yikes, that’s a sour look.” Loop’s voice broke through Siffrin’s spiraling, “Come on, what’s going on Stardust?”
No, he couldn’t tell them. They’d hate him, find him gross, what if he’d never get to talk with them again?
They heard Loop sigh, “Alright, stop self-degrading yourself. Can you at least sit across from me?” Siffrin felt he didn’t deserve that, but he wouldn’t deny Loop companionship; even if his mind was spiraling downward. He gave a nod and, albeit slowly, stood up and took his spot across from Loop. He still felt like he shouldn’t look at them, lest Loop figure out what he’s thinking, yet he didn’t want to keep them in the dark either.
…But would they run away if he told them? He thought back to his conversation with Mirabelle, and his worries about how others perceived him. He didn’t know when he felt this way, but the idea of Loop abandoning him because he terrified them left a seriously bitter taste in his mouth. He didn’t want to think about it, yet now it settled at the forefront of his mind. Would it be wise to discuss this with Loop? He just discussed it with Mirabelle, so it should be settled, but he wanted to hear Loop’s answer specifically.
He didn’t know whether he felt awful or just unsure about needing more reassurance.
Siffrin’s feet shifted a little, and he finally looked at the other as he spoke, “Loop? Am I…scary?” The said former traveler’s eyes widened slightly, and Siffrin expected them to laugh. He wouldn’t blame them; this was an out of the blue question and would be pretty silly to Loop, Siffrin could already see them doubling over in laughter.
However, they simply closed their eyes, voice empathetic, “No Siffrin, you’re not scary.”
Siffrin’s eyebrows knitted together, “But I did scary things…!”
Loop’s eyes opened, and they remained patient, “That doesn’t mean you’re scary. Your actions in the loops were because you were at the end of your rope, of course you’re going to look terrifying at the time. However, as a person you are very different. You’re kind, introverted, passionate about what you’re interested in, and protective of those you love. I don’t think someone who’s ‘scary’ are any those things.” Siffrin felt dumbfounded, if he was being honest the explanation didn’t make sense to him. How wasn’t he scary? If he feels cornered or overwhelmed he would do Universe knows what, and who knows what that could be?! What if he hurts those close to him?! He didn’t want to hurt his family!!
“Stardust.” Loop’s voice brought them out of their spiral, “I can tell you don’t believe me, but try to think of it like this. I’ve seen you at your worst where there was no way out, you lashed out and threatened me, yet I’m still here aren’t I?” Siffrin blinked, staring at Loop for a moment before nodding. Loop tilted their head, continuing, “And your family saw you turn into what could be considered a monster, yet they haven’t left your side have they?” Siffrin nodded again, and Loop smiled, “Then I think you are the farthest from being ‘scary’ in any of our eyes.”
The Rogue felt a lump in their throat grow as their lips drew a thin line, trying to hold it down. He still didn’t fully believe that he wasn’t at least a little bit terrifying, at least in the beginning to maybe Mirabelle, but maybe currently to her and the others he was more than that.
Maybe he was lovable to them, they showed that it was true at least.
Loop gave their famous grin, “Besides, you’re too cute to be scary! How could anyone with your adorable chipmunk cheeks spook anything?” Siffrin was blindsided by the…compliment? Was it a compliment? They couldn’t tell, but their cheeks burned all the same.
He turned his gaze away muttering, “You really love teasing me, don’t you?”
Loop brought a hand to their mouth in mock surprise, “Whatever gave you that idea? I wouldn’t dream of it!”
And they threw in a pun to boot. Stars alive they were so…So…
…
Best not to think about it right now.
Siffrin gathered their composure, shaking their head with a smirk, “You truly are REM-arkable.”
Loop’s eyes widened a little, staring for a moment before they huffed what seemed to be a proud laugh, “Have to admit, that was pretty impressive Stardust.”
The warm, fuzzy feeling had long settled in Siffrin’s chest, and it stubbornly refused to leave. It was the same feeling they got when being next to Isabeau, and they knew what it meant, but they wouldn’t pay it any mind. It’d be wrong, after all it wouldn’t be right to betray Isabeau like that, and Loop probably would find being in any sort of relationship disgusting, especially with them.
“Oh dear, there’s that ‘thinking too hard’ face again. What’s wrong now Stardust?” Siffrin’s gaze fell on the Star, whose eyebrow was cocked in curiosity. Their expression and even body language showed their full attention was once again on him. Oh Stars in the Universe…
Siffrin gave a soft smile, not sure if he was able to hide the rosy tint on their cheeks, “Just things.”
Loop chuckled a little in disbelief, “I refuse to believe it’s just random ‘things’.”
The Rogue pouted, “I can thing of the most random thing you can imagine.”
His fellow time looper once more raised an eyebrow, “Oh really? Like what?”
Siffrin had to thought carefully about his next words, and landed on, “How many stars are on you?”
Okay he didn’t think carefully at all.
Loop was staring in shock, taken aback by the question. Siffrin wanted to dig a hole in the ground and bury himself. Since this is a dream, would it lead to his brain…?
“Stop thinking about morbid ideas.” Loop’s voice was deadpan, and Siffrin jumped a little, responding,
“I’m not thinking morbid ideas, I’m thinking random ideas.”
Loop’s raised eyebrow returned yet again, “And how’s that working out for you?” Siffrin stuck his tongue out at the other, and Loop rolled their eyes, “Very mature Stardust, I’m so offended.”
Siffrin’s lips pursed a little, “I’m not offensive, I’m scary.”
Loop laughed a little, “Oh yes, you’re positively horrifying. I can’t stand to even look at you.” Siffrin couldn’t help but recoil at Loops words, causing the Star to blink before saying, “That was a joke Stardust.”
Siffrin looked away nodding, “I knew that…”
Loop gave a sigh, “You’ve come a long way, but you still have a lot of work to do.”
Siffrin gazed worriedly at the other, “Is that bad?”
“Were you ever told it’s bad, or do you just think it is?” Siffrin didn’t respond, and Loop closed their eyes in affirmation, “Well then, you have your answer.”
The former time looper shuffled his feet a little, “Um…Loop?”
“Hm?”
“I’m really happy you’re here, with me.”
Loop was quiet for a few moments, before they said, “I suppose I’m happy to be here with you too.”
I wanted to see how elf ears would look on them and they honestly really suit them!! <3 It'll be their ears from here on out!! <3
Also, about the InsertDisc thing:
People's posts about the situation are worded better then anything I could have said. I'm admittedly a very emotional person, so I wouldn't be able to voice how I feel in a mature matter I think.
What I will say, is that those who are hurt have every right to be. What InsertDisc did was completely wrong and I do not agree with it at all. I honestly still can't wrap my head around it, and I, like many, want answers.
I will also say, In Stars and Time is extremely important to me. I genuinely felt like nothing was keeping me on this earth back in 2024, and then In Stars and Time happened across my Steam page. It's helped me heal, gave me so many good close friends, made me realize I was aroace and pangender, and I have never felt so seen by a video game in the characters, particularly Siffrin.
I love this game, I love it's family of characters, I love the warmth and heart it's given back to me, and I love that it's given me Altair, a character I absolutely love drawing and writing about. (Even though it's because it's an extension of Loop haha)
It's why this hurts so much. The fact that such a painful act was done by none other then the creator just stung. It just felt like my love for this world and characters now are forever tied to a painful act, that I can't enjoy it anymore because no one will understand WHY I love this game still despite it all because of the actions of it's creator.
But I genuinely know that it's what I choose to do next that makes a difference, learn from the game that taught me that no matter how far you sink the people that matter most to you will stay by your side.
I will stay for the friends that I've made in this fandom because they would do the same for me, I will stay for those hurt by InsertDisc's actions, and I will stay for the world and characters that gave me my life back. The person that made it will forever be tied to this game, that can't be denied, but I can decide what I do with ISAT now. And no I don't mean own it or anything of course, but just...making the world my own in a sentimental sense I suppose.
So I have been drawing a lot of Witch's Heart stuff recently
One of which is for a project I've been developing, I've called it Ashes to Ashes and it's an Ashe Looping AU!
I won't go too much into the details right now, but I've finished two 'CGs' today! They're actually a redraw of a Gartic Phone drawing if you can believe it lol And honestly are pretty terrifying gbdiusch
I'll put a 'Keep Reading' as to spoiler it, as it is a bit spooky. Also Spoilers for Witch's Heart!
So Scarlet Hollow has engrossed me and my friends and...
No I did not spell Hollow wrong in the picture your just seeing things shhhhh
For context, my good friend @justdarklr has been streaming Scarlet Hallow for me and @coffeeean and it's just been a barrel of laughs and suspense and just an all around good time.
UNTIL chapter 5 when we got into the roller coaster eagerly and didn't realize 'Oh shit. EVERYTHING is going wrong.'
Spoilers for chapter 5 underneath:
Specifically, there is one scene with Tabitha and Stella where they are trying to convince you of something. That one scene just made ALL of us feel so unsettled and the pit of my stomach just dropped. I legit can't remember the last time I felt so shaken by a video game before, and In Stars and Time got me pretty bad.
But I genuinely want to know what happens next, we all do, and by god I can't WAIT for the 20th <3 Scarlet Hollow is an INCREDIBLE game!
And uh, depending how the rest of the chapter goes, I might draw an update for this sdbgiudshgiud
Also if you're wondering about the 'Witch' thing, basically ever since there's been mentions of a Witch in game we all just have been screaming it at points and it's become a vocal stim LOL
Questions: Can you make one of those Omori comic you do back then please
Unfortunately, I do not have any plans to make any Omori content at this time! I currently don't have any any ideas for Omori, and am trying to focus on stories and art regarding Witch's Heart, In Stars and Time, and Twisted Wonderland.
HOWEVER!! I would love to revisit Omori sometime! I'll definitely brainstorm ideas when I can! I'm glad you like my Omori content, it was fun to make!! <3
Big thanks to this amazing comic for inspiring me to create my first contribution to the Witch's Heart fandom! And yeah WilAshe, they make my brain happy <|//3c
You think this is it? Oh you sweet summer child, you have NO IDEA what kind of planning I've been doing behind the scenes these past few months >B3
Holy shit ISAT is two years old, and it's been over a year since I played it and it changed my life. I honestly wouldn't be the same without it, and I am so thankful to it and the friends I've made because of it <3
To celebrate, here's some pictures of the characters I drew with the plushies! These are about 2 months old, but I kept forgetting to post them <|....D I hope to draw Bonnie and Odile with their plushies soon!!! <3
I think they came out well! X3
And honestly, here's a self insert pic because I just feel like it <3
Happy 2nd Anniversary In Stars and Time, thank you again for helping me and getting me through one of the roughest times in my life <3
Tis the spooky season so I figured what the hell, I'll post a little comic!
Now this comic is actually a few years old, but it's still one of my favorites! I love this OT3 to death they are so special to me <3
You cannot tell me Riddle wouldn't use that powerful smirk on whoever he was in a relationship with. THE BOY HAS TOO MUCH AURA WHEN HE DOES THAT IT'S RIDICULOUS SEHDGFUODS
Next chapter here!! Sorry again for the wait, personal struggles have been getting to me <X...( I've been doing my best to relax though, and will try to take care of myself better <3 With that said, please enjoy!! <3
Waking up early used to drive Bonnie up the wall. They were so terrible at it that Nille had to literally drag them out of bed by carrying them to the table where breakfast was. Only then, with the combination of sitting upright and the smell of their sister’s food, would Bonnie begin to truly wake up. Back before the King froze everything and everyone in time, Bonnie fussed about rising in the early hours, thinking that it was some type of torture placed on kids by adults. Even when they began practicing cooking in secret they would opt to just stay up late rather than wake up early; the mere idea of the latter was evil to them.
Now, with having to travel with the party, getting up early wasn’t even a challenge. Bonnie was even one of the first ones given they had to cook for everyone, they didn’t mind though. Bonnie wanted to be responsible considering what had happened with the world recently. Not only that, but they also felt they had to be due to what happened with their sister; it was only fair to her that they finally began taking on responsibilities that were too much for her to bear on her own.
Bonnie may have been young, but they weren’t as naïve as many seemed to think they were. They didn’t understand some things at times however they weren’t clueless as to what was going on around them. For instance, they knew that each member of the party had weaknesses they didn’t want to share, like Za being hesitant towards anything about himself, or Belle over worrying about how to accomplish her goals. Bonnie also took into account how when Dile and Frin had their ‘talk sessions’, it helped Frin immensely; though he considered it therapy when he really shouldn’t apparently. Bonnie even made sure to study up on Frin’s traumas with everyone, to the point where they may or may not have looked up some things Frin could do to themselves. They were told not to, as Dile said that it could ‘wait until later’, but how long would Bonnie have to wait to hear the truth of it all?
The others hid certain things from them that they felt the younger would be too overwhelmed by, but Bonnie certainly didn’t appreciate it. The younger knew deep down everyone just wanted to protect them but it was so frustrating that the party didn’t trust them with ‘serious adult information’. They weren’t stupid, they knew Siffrin was in pain because of the loops and needed more help because of it. He wasn’t okay, and Bonnie wanted to help, so why was everyone stopping them from doing that? If Bonnie had to constantly go to school, not eat anything, and act the same way every time they wouldn’t be okay either and knew Frin would help them, so it isn’t fair that Bonnie can’t do the same for him? They huffed a sigh, stirring the oatmeal occasionally while preparing the other dishes; if they weren’t allowed to help Frin with his ‘serious problems’, then they would make sure he at least had a warm meal that would make him feel better. It didn’t make Bonnie feel totally accomplished, but at least Frin was thankful for them, right?
…
Bonnie’s apple cutting slowed to a halt as they pondered something. What else were they good at besides cooking? Sure, the others really enjoy the meals they prepare but there has to be more that they can do, can’t they? They helped the party with attacks back when facing sadnesses and the King, but they were mostly on snack break, which again, involved food. The thought that they were less than helpful scared them, and made their chest tighten uncomfortably. Were the others giving them smaller tasks so they were easier to look after? Was Bonnie put on food duty to be kept out of the way? They shook their head, that couldn’t be it; what a ridiculous idea to even think about.
…But on the off chance that it could be true, then Bonnie would not accept it. They couldn’t just let the others treat them like a child after all this time. There had to be a way they could prove themselves to everyone, maybe then they could help Frin more! Nille would definitely be pleased about how responsible they were being, and that would go great in further convincing her to join the party on their journey! Bonnie grinned as they thought about some ideas that would further prove they could handle more adult things. First, they had to finish up breakfast, but then, ‘Operation: You’re Not a Child’ would start!
Oh, they better keep it on the down low. If the others found out they might talk Bonnie out of it and that would cancel the whole thing!
Completing the simple meals for the morning, Bonnie looked over at the trio that were beginning to stir from their sleep, still huddled together with Frin in the middle. Bonnie wouldn’t admit it after Frin’s eye injury, but they liked sleeping next to him too. They felt safe with Frin, they were a great protector, even if they didn’t see it that way; even if they think they’ve done nothing but hurt others…Bonnie gave a pout, Frin was such a dummy. Yes, Bonnie had been upset when the Islander forced them to protect him 4 months ago, but Frin wasn’t exactly feeling all that great and even turned into a giant from all the sadness and pain they were feeling. He was scared, more scared than Bonnie was back then, and Bonnie could still see the lingering pain the time loop had left Frin with. Knowing Frin he thought Bonnie viewed him as a burden or a freak, or maybe even thought he’d hurt them again.
That’s why Bonnie needed to prove themselves, so they could get it through Frin’s stupid evil overthinking brain that Bonnie cared so much about them. They’d prove that they would still be here even if Frin makes mistakes, even if they had to beat it into his head with the ‘Frying pan of Good Thoughts’! Belle yawned as she sat up,
“Good morning everyone.” Dile nodded, not looking up from her book, as she took a sip of her tea,
“Morning Mirabelle.” Bonnie smiled,
“Morning Belle!” Belle gave a sleepy smile and wave, before standing up to walk over to her bag to take out her hairbrush and face products. Bonnie tilted their head,
“I never asked this but…Why do you wipe your face down with those things Belle?” Belle looked towards them,
“Oh! These actually help keep my face moisturized and clean. It keeps the acne away as well.” Bonnie blinked,
“Acne…?” The Housemaiden looked nervous in her smile,
“Well, it’s a common skin condition, pimples basically. They can occur if I get too stressed and don’t take care of myself.” The youngest of the group frowned,
“You still get them even now?” Belle nodded,
“Unfortunately. But I have kept on top of my regiment, and they don’t come back nearly as much. My skin is all clear as you can see!” She smiled, but Bonnie suddenly felt anxious. They never had to deal with acne, or cared much about their skin, yet Belle had to worry about it constantly. Bonnie had to ask,
“Does some of my food make it harder to fend off the pimples?” Odile’s book lowered a bit, and Mirabelle blinked,
“I haven’t had any issues lately but-”
“But you did in the past?” Bonnie interrupted, their chest tightening. Dile’s eyebrow rose,
“It’s not that serious Boniface, it’s just-”
“It IS!” They interrupted again. This wasn’t serious to Dile and Belle but it was to Bonnie. The idea that they could’ve hurt Mirabelle, unintentionally or not, was a big issue! They weren’t being responsible if that was the case! They were unable to look at Belle, instead their gaze landed on the fruit they cut earlier,
“…I hurt you.” They could hear Belle’s eyebrows knitting together from the tone of her voice,
“Oh sweetie…” She set down her things and stood up again, walking over to Bonnie before kneeling in front of them, “You never hurt me, promise.” The chef shook their head,
“But some of my foods could have made your skin bad again.” Belle took ahold of their hand, causing them to look at her as she spoke with a smile,
“I’ve been taking better care of myself Bonnie. I make sure to be more open about my problems and my medicine helps with my anxiety. Also, the facial wipes do a great job at getting my face clean. I’ll admit, I was nervous to eat your food at first, but it wasn’t because I thought you’d ever bring me harm.” Her smile became sheepish, “Back then, I kept overthinking and that led me down a rabbit hole to think any food would have led to pimples. Which…led me to scrubbing my face raw at points…” Bonnie did remember that…They gave her a look,
“That’s not good Belle.” Belle closed her eyes in embarrassment,
“I know and trust me my face didn’t appreciate it either. But I soon realized your food was not only delicious, but it never made me break out then, and it hasn’t now.” Bonnie’s worried gaze stared at Belle,
“You promise?”
“I promise.”
“You super promise?” Belle giggled,
“I not only super promise, but super, duper promise!” She gave a confident smile, “I swear on all of my copies of ‘The Cursing of Château Castle’!” Oh! That was quite the promise! Bonnie grinned happily,
“Kay!” They soon heard a groggy voice come from Za,
“Is everything alright?” The three turned to see the man propping himself up on his arm to one side, wiping one side of this face to get rid of sleepiness. Belle spoke,
“Yup, we’re fine now! Come and get some breakfast.” Za nodded as he letting out a yawn before gently rubbing Frin’s arm,
“You awake buddy? It’s morning.” Frin groaned, curling more into a ball, “Pain’s still there huh?” Bonnie could see movement in what seemed to be a nod. Za rubbed the other’s arm in comfort as he spoke some more, “You should get something in your stomach, so you don’t feel even more sick.” Bonnie then called happily,
“I made eggs and oatmeal Frin! The oatmeal has cinnamon too!” Frin perked up at that and soon began to sit up, Za helping them. Bonnie quickly prepared a plate of eggs and fruit and a bowl of oatmeal. Maybe they should prepare Za’s too so he can remain next to Frin! He probably wants to stay by the other’s side to care for them in an instant, while also being all lovey dovey with him. Bonnie normally disliked romance and everything related to it, but for moments such as these Za and Frin would get a pass, especially if it would make Frin feel better. Making up Za’s breakfast as well, Bonnie looked over at Belle with a smile before motioning over to the couple. She looked over at the two before her eyes lit up with happiness and gave the younger a knowing nod. With that, both carried over the meals to the couple. Frin looked so excited, Bonnie knew he’d be bouncing if he wasn’t in pain; it always made their chest swirl with pride that Frin adored their cooking. Za on the other hand tilted his head with a blink of his eyes,
“Who’s the other meal for?” Belle giggled,
“You silly!” Za looked even more confused, albeit thankful,
“But I could’ve gotten it on my own, you didn’t have to do that.” Bonnie let out a huff,
“It’s so you can stay with Frin you dummy!” The instant change in Za’s expression from confusion to bashful realization was priceless to the youngest of the group. The man rubbed the back of his neck, a blush appearing on his cheeks as he chuckled,
“Am I that easy to read…?” Bonnie, Belle, and Dile nodded, with Dile saying,
“You’re an open book when it comes to Siffrin, I fear.” Za let out a whine, before Frin reached over and held his hand with a teasing glint,
“I like reading the book of Isa. It’s full of tales of a dashing tailor coming to sweep me off my feet.” Frin winked and Isabeau covered his face in embarrassment,
“Siiiif!!” Everyone laughed, and seeing Frin not instantly doubling over in pain from being happy made Bonnie feel relief.
Breakfast went on like normal from there. Belle had finished her morning hygiene routine before sitting to read as she ate. Dile was looking over some notes, Bonnie wasn’t sure what they were about, but it was probably important given how she barely touched her food; that happened a lot unfortunately when the group wasn’t seated together. Bonnie sighed into their bite of apple, before calling over to the woman,
“Dile, your food is going to get cold.” Dile head jolted up a bit,
“Hm?” She then looked down to her meal, “Right, I shouldn’t let it go to waste. Thank you, Boniface.” Accomplishing that, Bonnie’s ears picked up the conversation between Za and Frin, the man looking over at the shorter with eyes that held so much fondness,
“Glad to see you’re feeling a bit better by the way.” Frin looked up at him with a smile,
“You and the others helped me a lot yesterday, I was able to rest soundly.” Za nodded,
“Were you able to see Loop?” Oh yeah, the star person. Bonnie had to wonder how Frin was saw Loop in his sleep, but trying to figure that out would just make their head hurt…Frin took a sip of the tea Belle made earlier before answering,
“I did yeah. I couldn’t really move due to the pain, but they stayed with me and made sure I was comfortable. They even knew sign language, so we signed to each other!” Za’s expression grew even more fond if that was even possible,
“That sounds wonderful. I’m glad you both are able to find comfort in each other.” Frin beamed,
“Even though we have disagreements, Loop is good to me, even though I don’t think they give themselves the same courtesy…” Their smile became sad, “They don’t believe in themselves enough, so I want to help with that.” Za tilted his head back in thought,
“Hmm…I think you showing interest in who they are as a person is a good start.” Frin gave a soft chuckle,
“You would think, but they’re very guarded about themselves. I can’t go into why, but I understand.” Za looked at Frin,
“Then I think just being by their side and continuing to do what you both are doing will go a long way. It’s obvious that you care about them, and even if they are hesitant to accept it sometimes just staying next to them and hearing them out is the best thing to do. Sometimes it’s the only thing you can do.” Za leaned a bit into Frin’s side gently, “At the end of the day, it’s just great to be next to people you care about.” Frin’s smile at Za could give Bonnie cavities it was so sweet,
“Were you talking about yourself just now?” Za chuckled,
“Could’ve been. I am quite the happy man currently.” Frin giggled as Za leaned down to kiss the other’s temple, causing Bonnie to finally look away as they shoved an egg into their mouth. That was enough eavesdropping for one day.
o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o
“You want to learn how to sew?” Za asked, picking blueberries with the young chef, who nodded,
“Yeah, I figured it’d be good to learn how to patch clothes up. So you have some help and aren’t scrambling to do them all in one night.” The man huffed a laugh,
“Come on, I think my tune ups are pretty good despite them being quick fix ‘im ups.” He then gave Bonnie a knowing glance, “But seriously, why do you want to learn?” Bonnie jumped a little, were they so easily figured out?! Keep a level head, just like you learned from Frin! Wait is…that a good example now? Mentally shaking their head at that, they crossed their arms in a huff,
“What? Is me wanting to learn not a good enough reason?”
“Of course it is! Learning something new is great idea, and I would never say no to teaching you.” Za scratched his cheek, “But it feels like you’re hiding something? Or maybe just trying to keep a secret.” Bonnie looked down, feeling like they were read like a book; they didn’t like it. Za had a concerned look on their face, “Do you want to talk about it Bonbon?” The younger pouted,
“You know too much.”
“Eh?” Suddenly, they tackled Za who shouted in surprise as Bonnie continued,
“You must be defeated!!”
“ACK! Bonbon what the heck?!” The chef lightly slapped and scratched at Za’s chest and arms trying to pin the man down, causing him let out a laugh, “I like that fighting spirit, but the blueberries will get crushed if we’re not careful!” Bonnie couldn’t help but laugh too,
“Down with your stupidly large brain!!” They were soon grabbed, and Za began to mess up their hair, “Nooo!” The older man continued to laugh,
“My mighty and powerful muscles have bested you! Will you admit defeat young chef?” Bonnie tried to squirm free, kicking their feet a bit,
“Never! You won’t get the better of me this time!” They said that but Za’s grip was firm, and he soon hugged Bonnie close while resting his cheek on their head. Bonnie yelled out, “Not the bear hug!!”
“How about nooow~?” Bonnie waved their arm widely in the air,
“Yeah, okay I lost! Now release meee!” After one more bout of laughter, Za sat the other down next to him once more. The chef then placed their fists down near their feet with another pout, “No fair, you always win.” Za chuckled,
“That’s because I’m older Bonbon, it’s natural I have more experience.” Bonnie frowned at that. It wasn’t fair that everyone here was so much older than they were. They all got to talk about adult things and have fun outings where they did more adult things. It’s not that the others didn’t include them, they always tried to do so in some way. But it just felt when it came to things that were way too serious, Bonnie was left on the wayside, all for the sake of ‘protecting them’ just because they were younger. It wasn’t fair at all.
“Bonbon? You okay?” A hum was the only response the man received before Bonnie continued to look through the blueberries to pick. It remained silent between the two for a while, Za occasionally looking over at the chef, which made them anxious. They disliked why it was silent, and knew they just needed to be honest. Had they learned nothing from what happened to Frin? He wouldn’t want this for Bonnie, yet recently the fear of being treated like their age hung over their head like a storm cloud. They never paid it much thought before, but ever since Frin began showing more signs of…
What was it that they remembered hearing…
Mental illness! That’s it.
Ever since Frin showed signs of that, they began thinking back to Nille and how they could’ve helped her better had they had known how to treat her. So it wasn’t just for Frin’s sake, but for Nille’s too. Bonnie just wanted to be helpful to the people they cared about, make sure they were healthy and safe, even if it was from themselves. They could protect them too, they just need to learn how, and the others wouldn’t let them! It just…wasn’t fair…
“You know…” Za broke the silence, “You don’t have to grow up so fast.” Bonnie looked over to the man, “I just get the feeling that you’re trying to push yourself too hard. I understand wanting to learn skills that can help you in the future, and I won’t say no to teaching you, but I want it to be because you want to learn, not because you feel like you have to.” He stared at the blueberry in his fingers, “I understand the feeling of wanting to progress faster, to try and become so different that we don’t have to see our faults. But it’s because of those differences that we can become stronger, and have strengths that are unique to us, even if we don’t see them ourselves.” He looked towards the younger with a smile,
“Take your cooking for example. It may seem simple, but it’s done so much for us! Your meals have cheered us up when we are feeling down, we have a variety to choose from, and it shows how responsible you are with the flames and utensils!” Bonnie stared at the other, taking in the information, before asking,
“Does that mean I’m more adult like?” Za chuckled,
“Sorta, it depends on how you view it. In my opinion you are very mature for your age, but you are allowed to take it easy.” He pat Bonnie on the head, “You’re still growing, you don’t have to rush.” Bonnie looked down,
“But I have to…” They muttered, “I need to get stronger, so you all don’t…”
So you all don’t leave me behind.
“Bonbon?” Just then, Belle called out,
“Isabeau! Can you help me finish with the wood?” Za looked over at the Housemaiden,
“Be right there!” He looked back towards Bonnie, “Sorry, what were you going to say?” The smaller one shook their head, moving to stand,
“It’s nothing, you should go help Belle.” Za stared for a moment, before standing up as well. Bonnie picked up the basket, but before they left Za placed their hand on their head once more,
“Let’s talk more later, okay?” A nod, and then Bonnie made their way back to the tent. They left the conversation feeling frustrated, but were they to blame as well? They weren’t exactly fully truthful to Za, and when confronted with their issue they just choose to playfully attack the man.
Aka: ignoring the problem all together.
Maybe they really were just a child, and in the end children are just meant to be left out of conversations that don’t involve them; even if said conversations meant helping people they cared about.
Setting down the basket, they looked over at Frin who was taking a well-deserved nap, and then to Dile who was looking over some notes she had taken. The chef had to wonder how she managed to properly write down all that knowledge into proper wording. They could definitely learn something from her, she’s the oldest of the group and most definitely the smartest. Though the idea of her being a teacher was more than a bit scary, Bonnie approached her,
“Hi Dile.” The said woman picked up a piece of paper as she looked up at them,
“Hello Boniface. Anything I can help you with?” Here goes nothing…
“Can you teach me stuff?” Dile paused what she was doing to put her full attention on them,
“You mean like lessons?” She asked, and Bonnie nodded,
“I want to start learning more about things that are important.” The woman raised an eyebrow in amusement,
“I see. And what are these ‘important things’?” Scrunching up their nose in frustration, Bonnie huffed,
“You know! Math, history, writing, and researching anything and everything!” Dile let out a laugh,
“I thought we all concluded I don’t research ‘anything and everything’. I simply write down notes about things that interest me or that I need to find more information on.”
“You know what I mean!” Bonnie exclaimed, “I want to learn about things that will make me smarter!” The woman’s eyebrow raising again, this time in confusion, only made Bonnie even more frustrated. She spoke,
“I won’t say no to teaching you Boniface, but I think your intelligence is quite advanced for your age.” Bonnie looked down with a large frown. Dile wasn’t getting it, and she’s supposed to be really smart. No one was understanding and it upset Bonnie to no end. Yes, it was because they weren’t fully explaining themselves, but they would just be told that they couldn’t listen in on those conversations or told not to read up on those topics because it was too ‘serious’.
Nobody would let them help when it mattered, and that’s why they didn’t feel like being honest.
“It’s not enough…” They muttered. The only thing that could be heard was a bird chirping, making the younger feel very uneasy. Perhaps it’d be best to just drop this for now, however Dile speaks up before Bonnie could consider doing that,
“I can sense that this is more than just you needing to learn for the sake of it. Learning so you can better yourself is a noble idea. But forcing it isn’t healthy and can lead to instant burn out. Knowledge itself can’t be forced; it needs to be developed over time and at a steady pace so you can properly absorb the information.” The chef shifted their weight to their other leg,
“But…I need to hurry.” If they didn’t, they wouldn’t be able to help Frin or be able to convince their sister to join them on the journey, much less let them stay with everyone. Dile crossed her arms,
“Alright, what’s this really about Boniface?” Bonnie’s gaze was fixated on the ground, as they tried to remain silent. They then heard Belle’s voice,
“Everything alright over here?” Both turned to see Za and Belle coming in with chopped wood. Dile nodded,
“Just having a discussion with Boniface. They’d like to begin learning a variety of subjects, albeit too quickly.” The chef let out an unhappy grunt, wanting nothing more than to run away at this point. They knew they’d just be chased after though, so they remained nailed to the spot. Za set down the firewood next to the front of the tent, making sure not to disturb his napping lover, and spoke,
“We talked about this buddy. Well, we didn’t finish but we were going to after I helped Mira!” Belle looked anxious,
“I’m sorry! Did I interrupt something important?” Za waved a hand,
“It’s alright.” He turned his attention back to the small chef, “While I respect your dedication to improving, don’t push yourself Bonbon. You got to take things slow if you’re trying out new things.” Belle nodded, smiling,
“Yes, and if you ever need help on any of your subjects, we’d be more than happy to assist you! O-Only if you want that of course!” The younger’s teeth clenched together in anger,
“You’re all not getting it!” The oldest of the group had a bit of a stern expression,
“Then tell us Boniface. If it’s about needing to take on more responsibilities around here, or even helping with Siffrin, then I understand.” Bonnie jumped at her words, “But I won’t have you pressuring yourself into learning everything. Again, it’s not healthy and will easily overwhelm you.” The younger narrowed their eyes at the woman, finally feeling at their wits end, not caring if their stupid ‘Operation’ was hidden anymore,
“But you told me that I couldn’t look at important information related to Frin. You, Za, Belle, and even Frin keep all that stuff away from me just because I’m a kid. I could take care of Frin too if you all would let me!” Bonnie’s voice grew louder, “I know I’m the youngest one here but I’m smart! And I want to get smarter so you all will let me help more with important stuff! I’m not stupid, I know what Frin is thinking about when they look too sad to talk! And I’m not scared of what happened to him either! He’s just scared and he needs us, and that includes me!! I can handle it! I can!!” Frustrated tears began to build up in their eyes, “I don’t want to be the only one left out of important talks or told I can only do cooking! I want to help more! I want to help Frin!!” They shut their eyes tightly,
“I don’t want you guys to leave me behind!! So just let me help!!!” They couldn’t stop themselves from beginning to cry. Why can’t they be older like them, why did they have to be so young? Couldn’t save their sister from being frozen and can’t help Frin when he needs it most.
All they were was a helpless child, and maybe they should just get used to it.
Everyone was staring at them as they sobbed, but soon Dile spoke softly,
“So that’s what this is about…” Bonnie felt a hand on top of their head, and they opened their eyes to see Dile looking at them with an apologetic gaze, “We never meant to make you feel isolated Boniface, or like you weren’t needed.” The child sniffled,
“So th-then why am I not allowed to look at that m-mental illness stuff? Do you not trust m-me to take care of Frin anymore?” Belle knelt next to them and began drying their eyes,
“Of course not sweetheart. We trust you wholeheartedly. It’s just we were worried that the information would scare you…” Za rubbed the back of his neck,
“Though it looks like we ended up scaring you all on our own.” Bonnie wanted to say that that was a lie, but Za wasn’t wrong. They tried to dry their eyes on their own as they choked out,
“I-I’m scared that Nille won’t l-let me stay with you all. I want her to come with us, I don’t w-want to be separated from everyone!” Just then, they all heard a soft voice come from who they thought was asleep,
“I won’t let that happen.” Everyone turned to see Frin starting to sit up. Bonnie jumped a bit,
“Frin!” They ran over to help him sit up alongside Za, and the eye patch wearing adult spoke again,
“I’m alright.” He looked toward the youngest of the group, “How long have you been feeling like this Bonnie?” The said child looked down,
“A while I think…” Frin looked incredibly sad, so Bonnie continued, “B-But it’s no one’s fault! I should’ve said something!” The older traveler shook his head,
“Even so, you didn’t feel like you could talk about these problems Bonnie. Even if we were trying to keep you safe, it wasn’t fair to you. It shouldn’t matter if you’re a child or an adult, you deserve to know what’s going on with me, or with any of us.” Bonnie tried to blink away their tears as they spoke,
“Can I…Help with the important stuff?” Frin chuckled,
“Of course you can, but you don’t have to learn all these new skills to do it.” Za nodded,
“Like I said, your strengths are unique to you. For instance, you are great at telling apart the safe and poisonous berries and mushrooms!” Belle excitedly spoke next,
“Oh, and you’re wonderful at managing our rations! We’ve been saved countless times thanks to you!” Dile nodded,
“Not only that, but you are quite the fast learner. You’ve become quiet the adept fighter Boniface.” Bonnie blushed at all the compliments, with Frin closing it all out,
“And most of all, you’re Bonnie. We wouldn’t want you any other way.” He gave Bonnie a grin, “So even though you want to grow up, try to remain a kid for just a little while longer.” The child chef felt everyone’s words settle into their chest, and they finally smiled,
“Okay.”
All that happened today helped Bonnie realize something. Different people had different ways of being responsible, from Belle’s skin care routine to Za’s care for others, to Dile’s note taking, and finally Frin’s personal growth and self-reflection. Bonnie was far from who they wanted to be, maybe it would take a long while to get there, but that’s okay. They had enough time to learn what their ‘responsible’ was.
Cw: Negative thinking/Spiraling, Chronic Pain, and Panic Attacks
It's been a while!! Sorry about that, I've been distracted by a LOT, but these next two chapters are really special and helped me get out of the funk! I participated in Art Bang and it helped me write these next two chapters! I'll upload the next one soon, for now I hope you enjoy this one with some special illustrations!! <3
Without further ado:
Bad weather was something that the group had got better at predicting as time went on, Odile especially. Bonnie asked genuinely if it was because of her joints, but one narrow-eyed stare was enough to shut down any suspicions that the others had on that matter. Siffrin knew though that Odile didn’t take it to heart, it was her being what Bonnie called ‘silly scary’; it meant that she rolled with the jokes but showed she still wouldn’t be the butt of them, sometimes with an unsettling aura around her. In Siffrin’s case, however, the rain did bring pain sometimes. He was told that he could have side effects from being in the loops for so long, and one day he woke up unable to move for a few minutes, wracked with pain. Mirabelle did her best to ease the soreness with her healing craft, but all the others could do was make sure Siffrin was comfortable, much to Siffrin’s dismay. He hated that he had to be waited on, because that meant he was useless. The others didn’t seem to mind it much at least, and he got to cuddle with Isabeau most of the day, so that was nice.
Ever since then, the pains come and go in spurts. Most days Siffrin was okay, but others they had to stop and rest, another thing that halted the trip to Bambouche. He hated it so much at first, blamed themself for preventing Bonnie from seeing their sister longer than they needed to, but Bonnie called him a ‘dummy’, and told him to rest. Things like that, as well as the others genuinely caring for him, helped. They didn’t see Siffrin as a burden, at least they hoped not. Everyone would just go about the day as normal all the while making sure they were comfortable and happy. They felt so loved, and he made sure to show how thankful he was the day he felt better; be it a few days after or the next.
Back to the present, Odile said they needed to find shelter as the rain would be rather heavy. Mirabelle went over to Siffrin,
“How are you feeling, Siffrin?” The Traveler smirked, though also with knitted eyebrows,
“I’m feeling a little ‘under the weather’.” The usual groans and laughter made Siffrin’s smile grow, and after Mirabelle stopped giggling, she offered her hand,
“I’ll ease your pain when we find shelter. For now…Is it alright if I hold your hand?” Siffrin tilted their head, and Mirabelle grew flustered, “O-Only if you want to! I just feel that maybe you would like the company, e-even though we are all here…” Ah, she wants to make sure the pain doesn’t become too much. Siffrin smiled and took her hand in his,
“I’d like that, Mira.” The way Mirabelle’s face lit up made Siffrin’s heart swirl with joy. Bonnie jumped twice and chirped,
“I wanna hold Frin’s hand too!” They all but ran over to do so, Siffrin laughing as he took Bonnie’s hand. Isabeau playfully pouted,
“Now there’s no Sif hands for me to hold! Whatever will I do?” Mirabelle giggled once more, and held out her other hand, to which Isabeau beamed and took ahold of it. He then looked at Odile, “Come on Madam, join in!” Odile turned around with a raised eyebrow,
“We’re not in a crowd; we won’t lose each other.” Before anyone could become crestfallen, she smiled, “But I supposed there’s nothing wrong with humoring you all like this.” She took ahold of Bonnie’s free hand, and turned to the others, “Shall we then?” And thus, everyone resumed walking. Siffrin’s face hurt a bit from smiling, but he couldn’t help the happiness that spread throughout their chest. Moments like this reminded Siffrin that this was real; that no matter what, all of them wanted to stay with one another.
The way they were all holding hands made the rogue recall the moment when the loops were over, when they all reassured Siffrin with the same form of love, and here they were doing it again, just to ease his current pains. He once again was proven incorrect before he had a chance to formulate the reasons wrong with him in his mind, their family was becoming good at doing that. It was a bit rocky at first sure, what with how everyone struggled to open up about themselves, but they’ve all made great strides in progress; as people and strengthening the bonds between each other. It was natural to stumble, Siffrin learned, but all of them managed to take the good and the bad and work through them together. Just as a family should.
Siffrin knew one day that everyone would go separate ways, they all have lives to be lived and goals to meet. However, he always remembered Odile’s words when all of them fell from the sky, that they’d all stay in each other’s lives. Moments like this one, holding each other’s hands to support one another, specifically Siffrin at this moment, made that reality even more believable.
Siffrin looked up at the sky, seeing the clouds roll in and feeling a cool breeze begin to brush past his face. They couldn’t help but smile,
“I wish I could stay in the rain again. It’s always nice to feel it, fun to dance in too.” Odile huffed a laugh,
“Yes. Treating you, Boniface, and Isabeau after you all got sick partaking in ‘rain dances’ last time was very enthralling.” Siffrin blushed a bit in embarrassment at her teasing,
“Couldn’t help it. It reminds me that I’m free, you know?”
“Frin deserves to run around in the rain as much as he wants! And so do we!” Bonnie exclaimed happily next to him, “We fight against normal things!” Isabeau laughed,
“Yes, we do!” Odile sighed,
“It’s called ‘being responsible’, and while I appreciate the sentiment, soaking yourselves until you are unable to leave your bed for 2 days is not my idea of a good time.” Mirabelle giggled,
“Come on Madam, maybe it’s the next best thing! I’ve been thinking about doing it next time!” Odile rolled her eyes,
“I’ll pass thanks. You all can dance the night away, unable to feel your limbs from the cold, while I am bundled up inside with a book.”
It was about 10 minutes later that the clouds grew gloomier and Siffrin became slower, feeling the pain settling in his limbs. Everyone slowed down to their pace, Bonnie and Mirabelle gripping his hands tighter to help him curb the pain a bit. Bonnie looked at Odile,
“You think we’re near civil-lie-station yet?” Isabeau chuckled,
“Civilization, Bon Bon.” Bonnie nodded,
“Yeah, that!” Odile looked at the path forward, and her eyebrows creased a bit,
“The pathway seems to have a bit of a clearing, but I think we still have a way to go.” Siffrin grimaced. The pain was starting to hit him hard, and he really wanted to sit down. They weren’t sure where it was going to be in his body the most yet, but he knew today wasn’t going to be a fun one in the least. They felt Mirabelle’s eyes on them, before she spoke,
“I suggest the next area we see that has a big enough space, we set up for the day.” Siffrin jolted a little, and Isabeau nodded,
“Agreed. I’ll keep an eye out.” Bonnie raised a fist in the air,
“Me too!” Siffrin panicked a bit,
“B-But we only have been walking for a few hours!” Odile shook her head,
“Siffrin, you know as well as we do you won’t be able to move for much longer. I know you want to get Bonnie to Bambouche after they’ve been waiting for so long, but you can’t brute force through bodily pain.” Odile rolled her shoulder a bit, “Take it from me.” Bonnie went wide eyed as they pointed,
“So that one time I asked about your joints was true?!” Odile made a face,
“Don’t push your luck kid.” The giggles and chuckles, as well as Odile’s words, helped Siffrin calm down. He wasn’t happy that they’d be delayed once again, but it couldn’t be helped.
That pain she’s suffering from is from when she saved you. It’s your fault she’s in pain, your fault this trip is taking so long.
Siffrin clenched his teeth behind his lips and tried to focus on walking.
What makes you think Bonnie’s sister will let them stay with you? She’ll take one look at you and know that you’re the cause of the delay. She’ll know you’re a FREAK. No sane person would want their younger siblings around you.
“Frin?” Siffrin blinked a couple times before turning their gaze down to Bonnie, trying to smile,
“What’s up?” Bonnie frowned,
“You‘re squeezing my hand really tight. It kinda hurts.” Siffrin jumped slightly, and loosened his grip,
“Ah, s-sorry Bonnie!” Isabeau spoke next,
“Is the pain becoming too much Sif?” Siffrin didn’t want Bonnie to learn about the Sadness inside him, the poor kid would probably be terrified of what could happen to him.
Terrified of what could happen to THEM you mean.
Siffrin gave a nervous smile, “Yeah…I don’t think I can walk for much longer.” It wasn’t technically a lie, his limbs were jolting with pain with every step, and it was sending shock waves throughout their entire body. He began to feel the light headedness seep into his temples, and he didn’t want to move. His heart began to quicken slightly in its pace, and they felt every beat; it was so uncomfortable he wanted to curl in on himself. Yeah, this was setting up to be a bad day, especially with the way they felt their chest hammered against. That always made him feel especially anxious. Mirabelle nodded,
“We still have a ways to go yet sadly. Can Isabeau carry you for a bit?” Siffrin lit up at the idea. Being carried in Isabeau’s arms would ease his worries exponentially. Isabeau smiled and walked over, leaned down, and picked Siffrin up; Siffrin all but wrapping their arms around their partner’s neck and sighing in relief, happy they didn’t have to put weight on their feet anymore. They nuzzled into Isabeau’s neck, humming contentedly, as they heard Isabeau’s chuckle rumble in his chest. Siffrin liked that sound very much.
“Alright, let’s head out!” Isabeau announced, and Siffrin heard the pout in Bonnie’s voice,
“We’re already moving.” Isabeau simply smiled,
“So we are.”
Within another 15 minutes the group arrived at a wide enough area to set up camp for the day, and it was luckily before the rain had started to pour down. In situations of intense rain, if they hadn’t made it to a town or found a place to stay for the night, they brought out a reinforced tent that they saved only for heavy weather. They had gotten it from Dormont’s House of Change before they left, as well as other supplies in case of dangerous weather. This tent was big enough to hold all of them, seeing as the group felt it was safer to sleep together if they were outside in storms. The Head Housemaiden made sure only the best materials were sent with the Saviors of Vaugarde and was actually very sweet. She was like an older sister to those around her, Siffrin could see why Mirabelle was so fond of her. The woman also understood Siffrin being comfortable around her would take time. It wasn’t anything against her, it was just that he was still terrified of loops happening back then. Perhaps maybe sometime soon he could see her without tensing up, but for now he’ll focus on the current journey he’s on.
Unfortunately, until the tent was set up Siffrin had to sit up against a tree. Mirabelle had used some healing craft to ease the pain slightly, but when it grew this bad it was harder to treat. She felt horrible about it, but he always thanked her for trying. She did her absolute best for him, even after what he did to her all those months ago; he still never forgave himself for that…He tried focusing on journalling or sketching, carving was too much for him right now. It didn’t matter though, because his hands worked against him anyway. He groaned in frustration and pain and just stuck the books back in his bag as he tried to close his eyes to rest. The pounding in his chest was extremely unsettling, and he brought a hand to it as he did his breathing exercises. Just breathe in, and out. It will ease it all just a little bit, pain and all.
“Do you need me to get Belle, Frin?” Siffrin opened his eyes to see Bonnie looking worriedly at him. It was the Kid’s turn to sit with Siffrin as to keep him company and make sure he was okay. Siffrin smiled sadly,
“I don’t know if Mira can help me anymore then she already has. But thank you Bonnie.” The younger had a look of unease as they reached into the bag next to them, soon pulling out some snacks. They placed them in Siffrin’s lap and said,
“I know you probably don’t feel like eating much right now, but you still should try! To keep your strength up!” Siffrin’s smile held a tired warmth,
“I’ll try, thanks again.” Bonnie nodded giving a grin, and Siffrin looked at the rest of the family setting up the campsite, “Shouldn’t you go helping the others? I don’t want to keep you.” Bonnie crossed their arms,
“They’ve got it handled right now! Besides, someone has to keep an eye on you, or you’ll try to sneak away and do things.” Siffrin chuckled but it made their body ache, he hated that it hurt to laugh. Bonnie frowned instantly, but Siffrin simply put on another smile,
“I’m okay. Today is just a bit much on me is all.” He then smirked, “Man, water day it is.” Bonnie groaned loudly,
“Nooo!” Siffrin couldn’t help but laugh a bit despite the pain,
“Come on, you know that was a good one!” Bonnie scrunched up their face in defiance,
“Never. I won’t give in to your punny ways.” Siffrin chuckled again, before clenching his shirt around his chest in his fist. Stars it all hurt, this wasn’t fair…He soon felt a hand hold his, and he looked at Bonnie who was back to looking worried. Siffrin tried to dash away the other’s unease with a smile, but it probably looked miserable. Why did his body have to do this to everyone, to Bonnie?
You did this, you made them upset. You are the reason they and the others are stressed out.
Siffrin tried his best to ignore the voice whispering in his ear at the moment, as he spoke in apology,
“Sorry about this Bonnie.” The said kid shook their head,
“S’fine.” It was silent between them then, and Siffrin grew nervous. What was Bonnie thinking now? Were they comfortable or did they not want to be here? No, don’t think like that. They wanted to hold Siffrin’s hand, they wanted to be here…
“You’re thinking too hard again.” Bonnie said, and Siffrin flinched a little bit, but he didn’t try to hide his discomfort,
“That obvious, huh?” Bonnie hummed, and thought for a minute before speaking,
“You and Nille are a lot alike.” Siffrin blinked at Bonnie,
“We are?” The younger nodded,
“Nille tries to hide her pain a lot, tries to cheer me up whenever it happens.” Siffrin tilted his head,
“Does she have chronic pain too?” Bonnie looked up at the sky,
“It’s more like she hides how she really feels, and that causes her to get sick. She doesn’t want to let me in a lot of the time when that happens, but I know she’s thinking about bad things…” It did sound a lot like Siffrin honestly, and the said Traveler’s eyebrows knitted together,
“How do you help her?” Bonnie had a smile now, looking back at Siffrin,
“Nille lets me cook a little bit! I couldn’t go all out like I wanted, I was still cooking in secret after all, but she really liked how I made things.” Bonnie then looked at their connected hands, “She also likes when I hold her hand when she’s in pain, even if she doesn’t say anything.” The preteen switched the leg that was bent before continuing, “So…I thought it would help you.” Siffrin couldn’t help but smile as well, and he nodded,
“It does help. I appreciate this a lot Bonnie, truly.” Bonnie lit up with pride, and their eyes closed as they placed their free hand on their hip,
“Of course! I’m the best at helping others.” There was no denying that, Siffrin thought. Bonnie then lifted the bag of blueberries from Siffrin’s lap, “Now you should try to eat!” Siffrin nodded and allowed the younger to open it, “Dile said that these are good at getting the inflymayton down.” Siffrin chuckled softly,
“Inflammation.” Bonnie paused,
“Infla…mmation.” They then grinned proudly at getting the word right, Siffrin giving a thumbs up, “Lucky for you, we have some salmon after me and Za went shopping back in town. I’ll make that for dinner, so look forward to it!” Siffrin felt his mouth water as he took a blueberry from the bag to eat,
“That honestly sounds amazing…” His days with chronic pains usually went like this. Ever since the pains started the family put in a ton of effort to make them manageable. Researching foods to ease said inflammation and working that into Siffrin’s diet, performing proper stretches, breathing, and exercises with him, and reducing his stress with quality family time. However, his personal favorite was the massages given by both Mirabelle and Isabeau. Both had different ways of easing tension and aches, Mirabelle’s was gentler and Isabeau was firmer, but both knew how to hit the pressure where it mattered most. He could really go for one right about now, maybe when the tent is all set up.
“I know! I’ll make oatmeal tomorrow too!” Siffrin nodded, and went to say something, when a jolt of pain surged through his body. He hunched over a bit, trying to catch his breath, and Bonnie jumped onto their knees, grabbing Siffrin’s hand again so they could squeeze it if they needed to, “Frin, are you okay?! No, no you’re not, that was stupid! I should get Belle right?!”
“W-Wait!” Siffrin exclaimed and Bonnie flinched, the rogue gulping down the pain. He can’t yell, no matter how scared he was right now, it’d scare them. Siffrin spoke in a shaking voice, “J-Just wait until th-this pain passes. I d-don’t want to b-be alone…” Bonnie looked conflicted but nodded and rested on their knees. Siffrin clenched Bonnie’s smaller hand, and he felt terrible. He shouldn’t be putting this on the younger’s shoulders, not when they are still trying to reach their sister.
You never stop to think how this is affecting them. All you do is give them negative experiences.
He felt Bonnie’s eyes on him, as if searching for something, and he gave the preteen a smile, “I-I’ll be alright Bonnie, j-just need rest.” Bonnie stared for a few more seconds, before looking down with a look of sadness on their face,
“I know that.” Oh no, Bonnie is upset! Quick, he had to think of something to cheer them up! Siffrin squeezed Bonnie’s hand in his again, finally straightening up a bit as his body’s pain ebbed away slowly,
“When I f-feel better, I’ll help you get some ingredients and we can look up some new recipes to make. Sound g-good?” Bonnie only nodded, and Siffrin felt a cold feeling waft over him. What was he doing wrong? He offered something he and Bonnie could do together so they would feel better, but why did that upset them? What was Siffrin doing wrong?! They didn’t mean to hurt Bonnie, they just don’t want to scare them, they can’t! Otherwise, they would be taken away from the family and he can’t have that!
And who are YOU to decide that? There’s no guarantee they can stay with you. Stop being so selfish.
No, he doesn’t want to never see Bonnie again! What if their sister forbids them from traveling with them, what if Siffrin ruins everything again? He has to think of something, he has to!
You won’t, and Bonnie will leave. You keep saying that you’ve accepted that the family will separate one day, yet you cling to them like a virus. You are pathetic, worse than before.
That’s a lie, he’s been improving! Everyone has said so! There are setbacks but he’s not going back, he can’t go back!!
Stop trying to deny this. They can tell you all the lies they want, but it won’t change the fact you are nothing more than a waste of space that should never have made it out alive.
“Frin!!” Siffrin’s mind came back to his entire body in severe trembles, Bonnie holding onto his arm as if to try and keep him grounded. He couldn’t breathe; he tried but the pain was too much. He regressed again and Bonnie was scared and that was his fault and-
“Sif?!” Oh no, now Isabeau is coming over! Bonnie must have gotten the other’s attention. He had to get it together!! They looked up and tried to speak, but their chest forbade it, and they curled in on themselves. He heard someone kneel beside him and felt a wave of comfort wash over him. Mirabelle was using her healing craft again on him, someone that was making a mountain out of a molehill…He heard Mirabelle’s voice,
“Can you hear me Siffrin?” Siffrin nodded looking towards her, and saw her warm smile, albeit slightly nervous, “I know it’ll be hard, but can you breathe with me?” She placed a hand on her chest and took Siffrin’s in her other one for comfort. He followed her in tandem, slow and careful, and even though his chest expanding was agonizing he was at least able to steady his breathing. He knew he still wouldn’t be able to speak, so he raised his free hand and signed with it.
‘Sorry.’
Mirabelle shook her head, “You don’t have to apologize Siffrin. You just became overwhelmed.” Siffrin teared up and signed again.
‘Sorry.’
Bonnie gripped Siffrin’s cloak tighter and said, “I’m okay Frin! You didn’t do anything wrong! If you keep thinking that I’ll hit you with the ‘Feel Good’ frying pan!” Siffrin smiled, but the laughter that was bubbling in his chest was going to hurt so he swallowed it down. Odile opened the tent’s entryway and called over to the others,
“The tent is ready, let’s move them inside. It’s going to start pouring soon anyway.” Isabeau knelt in front of Siffrin,
“Can I pick you up buddy?” Siffrin nodded and Isabeau, as gentle as he could possibly be, lifted them in his arms. Everyone moved inside the tent, and Siffrin was set down on a comfy little nest of blankets. He sighed in content, and soon saw Bonnie was standing close, wanting to approach. Siffrin smiled, and moved his hands as best he could,
‘You can sit with me still.’
Bonnie wasted no time after that and sat down next to Siffrin again. He was happy the other still wanted to stay next to him, even after causing such a scene. Isabeau’s hand hovered close, and Siffrin gently took hold of it and placed it on their head. He smiled up at Isabeau,
‘Pat my head please.’
Isabeau chuckled and did so, softly brushing his fingers against Siffrin’s fluffy locks. Siffrin would’ve fallen asleep if it weren’t for the throbbing pain in his limbs. Bonnie spoke up,
“Can you still eat Frin?” Siffrin thought for a moment, before shaking his head,
‘I think I’ll wait until dinner. My stomach is kind of upset.’
Bonnie nodded, before Mirabelle approached with a cup, handing it carefully to Siffrin,
“I made some peppermint tea with honey for you! It is a bit hot so be careful alright?” Siffrin adored the smell and took a sip, the taste and heat instantly soothing his body. He let out a sound of happiness, and he knew everyone else had a look of delight on their faces. It honestly made him feel much better, because that meant they all adored him, just like he did them. Odile brought out her notebook to check something before saying,
“I am thinking a good food for Siffrin right now would be some roasted salmon with broccoli and rice.” Bonnie nodded eagerly,
“Yup! I planned on making that anyway!” Siffrin gave a chuckle,
“Not going to make me eat potatoes?” Still grinning, the kid shook their head,
“Nope, I wouldn’t make you eat anything you don’t like when you’re sick! You make sure I don’t have to do that. Especially the icky stuff.” Siffrin placed his index finger over his mouth with a smirk,
“Shhh, they don’t need to know that.” Mirabelle gave a displeased look,
“Siffrin, have you been preventing Bonnie from eating healthy when they get sick?” Siffrin batted his eye cutely, and Mirabelle huffed, “Don’t give me that look!” A loud laugh came from the Fighter,
“I doubt Sif hides it all away. Probably mixes it with other foods.” Bonnie pouted,
“Yeah, they still make me eat some of it, but they make it taste really yummy!” The Rogue nodded, smiling as he patted the younger’s head,
“I learned from the best after all.”
“Also, potatoes can increase inflammation, so we don’t want to feed Siffrin those.” Odile explained, as Isabeau perked up at her words,
“Oh yeah, I read about that too! Though I wish they didn’t so it could calm Sif’s stomach.” Odile read more of her notebook,
“While that can work in some circumstances, I suggest we try other methods before subjecting Siffrin to his arch nemesis.” A dramatic expression lined Siffrin’s face,
“Oh dear, the potatoes and I will have to have our fated battle another time.” The kid sitting next to him laughed,
“You can’t escape them forever! You need to conquer them sooner or later!”
“Ah yes, but the best tactic sometimes is a hasty retreat.” The bright haired adult winked, causing Mirabelle to giggle,
“A hasty retreat any time they’re in your food?” Siffrin nodded with a serious glint in their eye,
“Yes.” Isabeau gave another laugh,
“The evil spuds will always win against a Sif apparently.”
“Eh?! Isa you’re supposed to be on my side!”
“And I am! Be it potatoes or carrying you when your body hurts! Anything to help the person we care about so much.” Siffrin blushed, smiling from ear to ear at the words. His family had done so much for him, he had to think about how to repay them this time. Though sometimes he still thought he was a burden, they proved him wrong time and time again.
It was probably going to be a long night, but he didn’t mind. He knew he was safe with his family.
o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o
Siffrin was laid in between Isabeau and Mirabelle, trying to curl comfortably in the blankets. The rain was pouring down onto the tent, and the sound pounded into Siffrin’s eardrums, them sensitive to everything along with the rest of his body. He groaned; this was going to be a long night…
“Still not able to relax Sif?” Isabeau asked, arm moving from holding both Siffrin and Mirabelle to gently rub the rogue’s arm, “Is this okay?” Siffrin nodded, and then raised their hands,
‘Comforting.’
Isabeau nodded, “How bad is the pain?” Siffrin grimaced,
‘It all hurts.’
He heard Mirabelle’s voice from beside him,
“Do you want me to message your limbs a little more?” Siffrin thought for a moment, before nodding. Isabeau and Mirabelle were gentle in helping them sit up, the fact they cared so much always made Siffrin tear up more than the pain. He just sometimes still couldn’t believe that he was here with everyone. Their actions however made it all the more real though, and he would believe in them despite his mind working against him. Mirabelle lifted up Siffrin’s arm, him wincing a bit but giving a smile the second Mirabelle looked apologetic. She began to rub down Siffrin’s limb, her healing craft ebbing from her palms into his sore muscles. He sighed in relief, they knew this was temporary, but it was at least a respite from the constant pain. He almost didn’t notice Isabeau leaving for a moment before coming back with a thermos of water and some medicine. Their lover smiled at them, Siffrin smiling back and took the medicine from Isabeau’s hand, placing it in their mouth before taking the thermos’ cap full of water and swallowing the medicine down.
Art by @akemiiya
They handed the cap back before signing,
‘Thank you.’
Isabeau smiled some more, and signed back,
‘You’re welcome.’
Siffrin beamed at that, he adored being signed to. Mirabelle giggled, hands moving to message Siffrin’s leg next, but before doing so signing,
‘Is this helping Siffrin?’
Siffrin nodded,
‘It feels better. I think I’ll be able to sleep soon.’
Mirabelle nodded back and started working on his legs. Siffrin winced a little, but soon the pain began to subside as he teared up in relief. They wish they could just be rid of this pain for good. They knew that the pain would fade away each time, but it always felt like he was going to be pulled back into the loops from the way everything hurt. They saw Isabeau begin to sign,
‘Can I rub your back?’
Siffrin nodded eagerly and Isabeau chuckled, scooting a little closer before placing his hand against Siffrin’s back, the warmth of his palm moving in slow circles making Siffrin groan a little in delight. They felt so loved…They signed,
‘I feel so lucky.’
Both Mirabelle and Isabeau looked at them, and they continued,
‘There’s a lot I want to say. Sometimes I want to keep apologizing for putting all this on everyone. But I am so grateful that you all are here with me.’
They could never say it enough, even if they were given years upon years of time. The fact that they were even looked at after everything was enough for them, at least he originally thought so. He was rather selfish the more he thought about it, which resulted in a wave of resentment towards himself beginning to wash over him. He grimaced at the thought, he had no right to keep his family all to himself, it was wrong of him. Suddenly, they felt a pat on their head, and they looked at Isabeau, who signed,
‘I’ll bonk your head if it’s being mean again.’
Siffrin couldn’t help but softly chuckle, giving a nod. Mirabelle stopped massaging to sign as well,
‘We’re happy you’re with us too, Siffrin. We wouldn’t want to be without you.’ Siffrin tearfully smiled, and Isabeau leaned down to kiss their head,
‘You’re our precious dagger, and master jokester.’ Isabeau winked, and Siffrin giggled as a blush adorned their cheeks. Mirabelle giggled as well as she moved her hands to heal Siffrin’s chest. They felt like they could breathe again and leaned on Isabeau as their eyelids grew heavy. Mirabelle gave a gentle smile, and moved her hands away to sign for a moment,
‘Get some rest. We’ll be here when you wake up.’
Siffrin smiled back and, after feeling Mirabelle’s hands back to healing their chest and Isabeau’s hand returning to rub their back, felt okay enough to fall asleep.
o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o
A gentle breeze brushed against Siffrin’s cheek, and he slowly opened his eyes to a bright sky. He felt like he could breathe easily and just close his eyes for a while but decided not to lay around too long. They didn’t want to keep Loop waiting after all. He knew how impatient the other could be, though no fault of their own if Siffrin was being honest. When he sat up, however, a jolt of pain surged through his body, causing him to sharply suck in a breath.
The pain followed him even here?! Was Mirabelle’s healing fading already?! But it couldn’t have been even 10 minutes!! How is that fair?!
“Stardust there you are!” Loop’s voice called out to him, pounding in his ears, “You kept me waiting, how could you!” They were joking, and Siffrin would’ve rolled his eyes in good humor if he felt up to it. But he couldn’t muster a comeback, couldn’t bring himself to even speak. He heard the footsteps stop close to him, and Loop spoke in a soft, concerned voice,
“Stardust? Are you alright?” All Siffrin could do was make a pathetic attempt to smile at Loop and shake his head. Loop’s expression instantly grew serious, and they knelt next to him, giving him a look over, “Did…That sadness show up again?” The astral being shook their head, eyes darting to the side in thought, “No, that can’t be I’ve been here the whole time and-” Siffrin signed with his hands, causing Loop to blink, “What was that?” The rogue jumped a bit, before shaking their head. Right, Loop probably doesn’t know sign language, that was stupid of him. The Star’s eyebrows hunched a bit, not pleased, “Stardust, I just didn’t see what you did. Please show me again.” Would there even be a point? Then again Loop wouldn’t let it go very easily, and Siffrin was not up to fighting. They raised their hands again,
‘In pain. Can’t talk.’
Loop stared for a while, before nodding, “Alright then, you don’t have to speak.” Siffrin went wide eyed at other’s words, causing them to chuckle, “What? Didn’t expect me to know sign language? Stardust I’m offended~.” Gazing away from them gave away Siffrin’s answer, and Loop pouted, “I do remember things from before my loops you know. This just happens to be one of them.” The rogue tilted his head, but Loop continued before he could think to sign anything, “Enough about that. Do you think you can move to the tree?” Siffrin instantly shook his head, to which the former traveler sat down, “Then we’ll stay here today.” They motioned to the other, “Let’s lay you down, that’s probably more comfortable for you, yes?” Frantic signing,
‘But we’re supposed to be talking!’
Loop smirked, before they raised their hands,
‘Who do you think you’re talking to?’
Siffrin blinked several times, staring at the Star, until a big smile appeared on his face. They instantly felt at ease and let themselves lie down, Loop scooting closer as to make sure they felt safe. At least that’s how Siffrin read it, he wasn’t sure if that was Loop’s true intentions; it felt right though. Perhaps he should’ve guessed Loop also knew how to sign, but the idea that even though they were the same person yet still different lingered in Siffrin’s mind. Loop might’ve had different experiences, despite having the same background, so Siffrin didn’t want to immediately assume. They were their own person after all. Loop’s hands moved,
‘Comfy?’
Art by @nidbaesenpai
Siffrin nodded beaming. Loop had a lop-sided smile on their face, eyebrow quirked,
‘You’re that happy that I can sign to you? You’re easily pleased Stardust.’
Siffrin smiled,
‘I’m just happy we can communicate this way too. It’s important to me.’
Loop hummed,
‘I can see that. I suppose it’s important to me as well.’
Siffrin had to ask,
‘Where did you learn to sign?’
Loop blinked at the question before looking up in thought, “Where did I…?” They seemed to be reaching in the recesses of their mind to find the answer, and the silence went on for a bit. Siffrin began to worry that Loop was negatively impacted by his question, when Loop gave a cheerful smile,
‘That doesn’t matter now, does it? We can communicate like this, in any case!’
Ah, they’re avoiding answering a question again. It seems as if they don’t remember how they learned, but it wasn’t Siffrin’s place to pry. If anything, that would only upset Loop and again, he really didn’t want to fight right now, if at all. Deciding he would let it go for now, Siffrin nodded,
‘It makes me happy.’
Loop raised an eyebrow at that,
‘You’ve already said that.’
Siffrin giggled,
‘Just making sure you know.’
The Star snorted softly,
‘You are such a strange one, Stardust.’
‘And you’re not?’
‘I prefer the term ‘fabulous.’’
This is how it continued from then on that night, the two of them quipping back and forth so quickly to each other that Siffrin almost completely forgot about their pain. It had always been easy to forget the world around him when talking with Loop, Siffrin could never put their finger on it. Perhaps it was because they were the same person, or maybe because they only had each other in the time loop. Whatever the reason, the islander just felt their walls instantly come down when Loop was around, much like with their family.
Because Loop was family, and even if he can’t say that to them, it will remain as fact.
