INDEPENDENT & PRIVATE PORTRAYAL OF EMMA MEYER. BY RIPLEY.

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@lilcricket
INDEPENDENT & PRIVATE PORTRAYAL OF EMMA MEYER. BY RIPLEY.
finale thoughts!!! tw for mention of eating disorders
i hope that next season sees some changes for emma because HOLY shit. emma’s people pleasing backfires on her in almost every relationship she has, but she hasn’t yet changed her ways??? this happened with her mom, with justine, and with sam!!!
speaking of sam. the whole thing with people pleasers is that they are trying to control other people’s perceptions and it leads to them thinking of others as less of an autonomous person. emma never considers that maybe sam would have differing opinions than her because she’s so caught up in being good enough.
in their fight, emma is distraught because she is just trying to help. she did all the things people pleasers do: she was overly-caring and giving and self martyring (“i risked everything for you”). it doesn’t work. the shame from the realization that sam, who she thought really believed in her, was able to see through her people pleasing AND the shame from her people pleasing never working in general is what made her feel just SO small that she was able to shift sizes without the ritual of purging.
thinking about “i know you don’t mean that.” SO JUICY bc i don’t think sam fully believes all of it and a logical part of her knows that too. but she is SO self critical and has such low self esteem that she doesn’t believe what she’s saying as it’s coming out of her mouth, you can HEAR it. she really doesn’t know how anyone feels about her and he hit the exact right chord to confuse her
interesting character flaw on sams end! i think he was trying to drive her away but also, like with the supe supremacy shit, he’s hurt that she is trying to smooth over the things he’s experienced, so he wants to hurt her back. he literally takes a deep breath and searches for the right things to say to hurt her feelings and he does it with incredible accuracy??? alright guy chill
back to emma. GETTING SMALL WITHOUT THROWING UP OHHH BABY! clawing my own eyes out. UGH it’s like. i think it just shows that she felt SO small when her mom showed her how to purge that she just got small. and every time after that, she felt smaller and smaller. in ep3 her mom is harassing her about her eating and she says “you’re looking a little small.” i took that as her nitpicking but i actually just think she was feeling a little goddamn smaller while under interrogation!!!!
final thought is her sipping from her little smoothie and kicking her feet while marie processes their reality. yeah that makes sense
❛❛ emma, you would do 𝒂𝒏𝒚𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈 for everyone to like you. 𝚢𝚘𝚞'𝚛𝚎 𝚗𝚘𝚝 𝚊 𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚘. ❜❜
working on a new promo, watching the last two eps tonight!!!!! forcing everyone to write with me IMMEDIATELY
@lilcricket : ❛ sorry, but i really had to wake you. ❜
it takes her a second to wake up . she even pulls her blanket over her head ; maybe if she can't see emma , emma can't see her. no dice .
there's a flash of brown hair ; her hands are seen before her head is, white-knuckling her pink fuzzy blanket . she peeks above the edge , big eyes landing on emma ' s . there is no reason she should be waking up at - what time is it right now ? a glance to her alarm clock tells her four am . oh my GOD ?
❛ em . darling , sweetheart , [ ray of sunshine on my cloudy days ] , what the FUCK do you want ? ❜
eyes glazed, the dorm a horrific mixture of shadows from her phone's flashlight and the technicolor brightness of alejandra's bedding. quick and awful like a car crash : she realizes she's not handling her liquor very well. has anyone on god's green earth been so tipsy? in a jerky, stiff movement, she rips her hoodie off, or attempts to, but struggles to find her way out.
she takes a moment to gather herself, hears her phone thump to the floor. who knew she'd dropped it? head on straight : she discards her jacket, throws it onto the floor to be found at any time that is not within the next twelve hours. ❛❛ jesus fuck. christ on a goddamn cross. ❜❜ her phone is on the floor, everything is lit from below. her hands fit over her hips, swaying on her feet, taking in the scene before her. hair juts out against a light blanket, a furious flash of dark eyes. emma folds at the waist, out of breath before her laughter breaks through into pure sound, bending at the knees into a creaky squat. ❛❛ d'you see that? it was crazy- they finally got me into a straitjacket. only took eighteen years. ❜❜
emma breathes in, shallow and nauseating. the bed groans under her weight, she grumbles incoherently in response. her back hits the blankets, alejandra's knees pressing into her spine. the room spins behind her eyelids. ❛❛ ale. missed you. wanted to hang out. we should do drugs tonight. like, a lot of them. stephen king in the 70s levels. ❜❜
Everything Everywhere All at Once (2022) dir. Daniel Kwan and Daniel Scheinert
🐝 * ― 𝑯𝑬𝑨𝑻𝑯𝑬𝑹𝑺: 𝑻𝑯𝑬 𝑴𝑼𝑺𝑰𝑪𝑨𝑳 𝑺𝑬𝑵𝑻𝑬𝑵𝑪𝑬 𝑺𝑻𝑨𝑹𝑻𝑬𝑹𝑺.
❛ if we changed back then, we could change again. ❜ ❛ what can i say? i'm a sucker for happy endings. ❜ ❛ i'm sorry, are you talking to me? ❜ ❛ i would give anything to be like that. ❜ ❛ are we gonna have a problem? ❜ ❛ you've come so far, why now are you pulling on my dick? ❜ ❛ time for you to prove you're not a loser anymore. ❜ ❛ you can join the team or you can bitch and moan. ❜ ❛ mr. no-name kid, say who might you be? ❜ ❛ it's fine if you don't agree, but i would fight for you if you would fight for me. ❜ ❛ happiness comes when everything numbs. ❜ ❛ does your mommy know you eat all this crap? ❜ ❛ i learned to cook pasta, i learned to pay rent; i learned the world doesn't owe you a cent. ❜ ❛ you heard it man, it's time to rage! ❜ ❛ so wait, it's lime, then salt, then shot? ❜ ❛ you're doing it wrong! ❜ ❛ really? 'cause i feel great. ❜ ❛ dreams are coming true when people laugh but not at you! ❜ ❛ i didn't need your help. ❜ ❛ i can't believe you actually came. ❜ ❛ why d'you gotta be so weird all the time? people wouldn't hate you so much if you acted normal. ❜ ❛ thirty hours to live - how shall i spend them? ❜ ❛ sorry, but i really had to wake you. ❜ ❛ let's go you know the drill; i'm hot and pissed and on the pill. ❜ ❛ you say you're numb inside but i can't agree. ❜ ❛ how'd you find my address? ❜ ❛ no sleep tonight for you, better chug that mountain dew. ❜ ❛ no one sees the me inside of me. ❜ ❛ keep going. this has to be good enough to fool the cops. ❜ ❛ i never knew about her pain. ❜ ❛ don't talk mean like that. ❜ ❛ what did they do to you that you hate them so? ❜ ❛ you are the only thing that's right about this broken world. ❜ ❛ they'll die because we say they must. ❜ ❛ what the fuck have you done?! ❜ ❛ let's be normal. see bad movies, sneak a beer, and watch tv. ❜ ❛ don't you want a life with me? ❜ ❛ if you could let me in, i could be good with you. ❜ ❛ so what's it gonna be? i wanna be with you. ❜ ❛ but your love's too good to lose. ❜ ❛ you're the one i choose. ❜ ❛ there's nowhere to hide if i say the wrong thing. ❜ ❛ but i believe any dream worth having is a dream that should not have to end. ❜ ❛ no, you wouldn't understand! ❜ ❛ try me! i've experienced everything you're going through right now. ❜ ❛ you don't know what my world looks like! ❜ ❛ they made you blind, messed up your mind but i can set you free. ❜ ❛ i was meant to be yours! ❜ ❛ don't give up on me now. ❜ ❛ i can't make this alone! finish what we've begun. ❜ ❛ i am all that you need. ❜ ❛ please don't leave me alone. you were all i could trust, i can't do this alone. ❜ ❛ no one here deserves to die except for me and the monster i created. ❜ ❛ i wish we met before they convinced you life is war. ❜ ❛ i wish you'd come with me ... ❜ ❛ i am damaged, far too damaged, but you're not beyond repair. ❜ ❛ hope you'll miss me, wish you'd kiss me. ❜ ❛ i'd be honored if you'd let me be your friend. ❜
GEN V (2023—) 1x05 “Welcome to the Monster Club”
❛ I THOUGHT I WAS DOING THE RIGHT THING ... ❜ NADYA'S PRIVATE, PERSONAL INTERPRETATION OF ( 𝘾𝘼𝙏𝙀 𝘿𝙐𝙉𝙇𝘼𝙋 ) FROM AMAZON PRIME'S 𝙶𝙴𝙽 𝚅. WITH MINOR CANON DIVERGENCE. 𝘌𝘟𝘛𝘙𝘌𝘔𝘌𝘓𝘠 𝘚𝘌𝘓𝘌𝘊𝘛𝘐𝘝𝘌 & RARELY FOLLOWS FIRST. VIEWER DISCRETION ADVISED.
◌ LINKS: ⁽⁰¹⁾ GUIDE. ⁽⁰²⁾ INFO. ⁽⁰³⁾ INSP. ⁽⁰⁴⁾ PINS.
@lilcricket said: ❛ boy, what drugs are you on? ❜
NOTHING GOOD, WEED HITS HER SYSTEM, AND BILLOWS OUT . . . a temporary high that is barely enough to disconnect her brain from the rest of her body. so if she sits here contemplating the night sky with a confiscated bottle of champagne? it's earned. she hates these parties, rubbing elbows with the rich folk with vacant eyes and too bright smiles, like a few days prior the janitors weren't scraping luke's remains off the fucking pavement. " the plan to streak naked through the gala has been narrowly avoided - " not a damn thing, a whole lotta nothing. hope pats the damp grass beside her and leans back on her elbows taking another swig of champagne. it bubbles on her tongue but still refuses to disentangle her from all her messy emotions. " . . . park it, meyer. before i change my mind. " dean schetty could use another migraine this week.
❛❛ streaking? dude. i miss out on everything. ❜❜ the world is hazier than it had been only an hour ago. since, she’s had a little of everything : a white claw or two, a joint, a chug of a mystery drink from an undisclosed third year. plus, with her incredibly tight dress cutting off her air supply, she's simply unable to keep up with the thoughts flying around her head. how else is a girl to make it out of a promotional event slash memoriam of a legend, if not by getting trashed beyond belief? emma smiles down at the redhead, eyes half lidded, a million miles away from the person in the event's getty image pictures. ❛❛ jeez, guy. buy a girl a drink first. . . you’re hot when you’re bossy, though. ❜❜ park it she does, making it a point to push her hip into hope's. she looks up, trying to find whatever spot in the distance the girl had been staring at before she interrupted. hands hover greedily over the earth, plucking up grass from the ground and shredding it to pieces. her mom is somewhere on the premises, dressed in her nicest clothes, smoothing over emma's fuck up and selling the story of the life she helped ruin. there will be punishment for running off. a pointed text talking about the health of her family since her outburst, how her siblings are getting bullied at school again. it’s always something. distantly, crickets chirp. the stars come back in focus. she’s not entirely sure how long she’s been stuck staring skywards and that fact makes her grin, feeling lose. hair whips around in her peripheral as she attempts to shake out of her high. ❛❛ alright, enough of the long fucking faces. sulking is for tomorrow when we have hangovers. share your spoils, please. ❜❜
jfc i love your writing
dude what the hell. say it to my face so we can have a passionate night together
the night would be peaceful if not for the awful onslaught of days before it. her spine aches from hours of being pressed into a wall in a rounded slouch. exhaustion nips at her heels, pressing on her eyelids, pulling her shoulders ever closer to the floor. she’d been small for so long. voices rise across the house, fitting on top of one another to create an incoherent symphony. her roommate and company have decided to solve the vought fascism issue in one night. emma has bravely decided to let them.
∘ ▫ | @riordsam: i've got my money on things going badly.
her attention crawls back to the restless creature beside her. this is the part where she’s supposed to reply, to crack a joke, to say ‘𝚜𝚊𝚖, 𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚛𝚢𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚒𝚜 𝚐𝚘𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚝𝚘 𝚋𝚎 𝚘𝚔𝚊𝚢!’ and shove the fear away for a different day’s meltdown. but something awful has lodged in her throat. it would be nice if that something would be poetic, metaphorical, the weight of all things left unsaid! with her luck, it’s probably something very physical and very disgusting : leftover grey matter or ever-present bile. god, she's fucked it. she’s seen the inside of a man’s ear canal. she stopped a different man from slaughtering an entire family. she doesn’t even have access to her youtube channel’s bank account. hysteria hits like a bad high, the abandoned room ringing with the sharp sound of her laughs. ❛❛ sorry. ❜❜ a gasp for air, her body wracked by another laugh. ❛❛ sorry. really. it’s not funny. fuck. ❜❜ emma lolls her head to the side: desperately searches for sam's eyes. their shoulders are already knocking together, but she shifts to press more of her arm against him. tears dot her eyes and she doesn't wipe them away, only smiles a miserable, watery smile. ❜❜ it’s just- what money? ❜❜
some episode thoughts!!! my defense of the fuck
OKAY so first of all it’s so funny that emma and sam literally were just fucking and committing acts of verbal and physical assault all episode.
secondly, i wish that there had been more of a build up and more time to develop bc i see what the writers were doing but they haven’t given the characters enough time to really earn the moment they had. my personal belief is they were so rushed because i think someone (emma) is probably not making it to season two!!!! it’s really frustrating because i think the connection between emma and sam is so sweet and well thought out and could mean so much. but that shit is being pushed too fast!!! however i live in pretend land where i can just pretend they’ve known each other longer and/or this moment happened further into their relationship bc IN DEFENSE OF THE FUCKING!
the episode was set up the way it was because everyone was facing traumas in their own ways. it was really funny and jarring to jump from traumafest to the hets making out BUT (!!!!) hear me out! it wasn’t just a sexual awakening for them! marie/jordan/andre/cate are all very avoidant of their trauma and aren’t acknowledging it in their daily lives. they literally need to walk through the memories and the feelings they felt to process the moment and actually face what happened to them. whereas sam and emma are so open with their trauma to themselves and others.
emma opened up about her biggest secret to the FIRST person who seemed to take her seriously. she was willing to be fetishized by gross guy in ep1 rather than have someone be displeased with who she really is! she was terrified of people finding out about the way she changes size because she thought it made her unlovable. she thought it took away from her ability to be a good person because she was doing something shameful and, in her words, gross! sam saw emma at her worst (the day of her biggest secret being leaked to the world, the night she was exploited a step too far by her mom and subsequently cut off her family, the moment of her first kill) and not only did sam accept it, but he revered it!!!! believed she was a real hero and a good person!!!! everyone she is shown to be intimate with has exploited her and made her feel small (haha). with sam, emma is able to be open and honest about who she is without being the butt of the joke or looked at as a goofy sidekick! not only that, she got to be in control of the situation!!!!! fuck!
sam has other shit to work through because honestly the trauma is still actively happening to him and while he’s open with it, he’s struggling to understand his reality. so it’s a little less applicable to him, but also sam gets to be himself too! show that he has the capacity to be violent and has hallucinations and show the vulnerability of thinking he’s going to be left! there’s more to say but im an emma blog so i’ll leave it to someone who has thought more about him. all in all i love them and if emma doesn’t die at the end of the season, why are we going so FUCKING FAST!!!!!!!!! slow it down gentlemen!!!
GEN V (2023—) 1x06 “Jumanji”
@lilcricket. FUN. WHOLESOME. SUNSHINE. BUT NO ONE KNEW ABOUT THE TRAGIC UNDERBELLY. a private and selective EMMA MEYER. loved by ripley. lightly canon divergent. 20+! trigger warnings: violence, drug use, & brief mentions of disordered eating.
speak now from the vault sentence starters
i've got my money on things going badly.
i'm still hoping that the fire won't burn me.
all i know is this could either break my heart or bring it back to life.
i'm trying hard not to look like i'm trying.
i've grown accustomed to sleeping alone.
and maybe i call you mine.
'cause she's the kind of book that you can't put down.
and to tell you the truth, sometimes i wish i was her.
she won't lose herself in love the way that i did.
little does he know, his whole world's about to change.
i've been watching you for ages.
i spend my time trying not to feel it.
what would you do if i went to touch you now?
i could see you up against the wall with me.
i can see you.
and we kept everything professional, but something's changed.
it's best that we move fast and keep quiet.
you won't believe half the things i see inside my head.
you know i won't ever tell.
i could see you being my addiction.
you can see me as a secret mission.
i will start behaving myself.
i used to be great.
they used to cheer when they saw my face.
now i fear, i have fallen from grace.
i watch all my bridges burn to the ground.
you don't want to know me. i will just let you down.
you don't want to know me now.
i held that grudge, til it tore me apart.
power went to my head and i couldn't stop.
ones i loved tried to help, so i ran them off.
and here i sit alone, behind walls of regret.
i don't know how it could've ended this way.
people look at me like i'm a monster.
now they're screaming that they hate me.
never wanted you to hate me.
chances are tonight you've already got plans.
chances are i will talk myself to sleep again.
you give me just enough attention to keep my hopes too high.
you are not the exception.
you will never learn your lesson.
stop checking your mailbox for confessions of love that ain't never gonna come.
you know how to keep me waiting.
i know how to act like i'm fine.
don't know what to call this situation, but i know i can't call you mine.
i will do my best to seem bulletproof.
when my head is on your shoulder, it starts thinking you'll come around.
maybe someday when we're older, this is something we'll laugh about.
how could i not see the signs?
you haven't written me or called.
i'll get your longing glances, but they'll get your ring.
you should've been walking out.
he just wasn't the one.
in those photos, i saw us instead.
in another life, you still would've turned my head.
you still would've been mine.
we would've been timeless.
'cause i believe that we were supposed to find this.
you're always gonna be mine.
i'm gonna love you when our hair is turning gray.
emma only notices her roommate the second time she's spoken to. the first time was more a buzzing in her ear, a nuisance while she tries to find out where exactly commenter ' james3467 ' wants her to stick her gerbil. when she looks up, their room is dimmer than she'd thought it'd been. her eyes take a few blinks to make sense of anything but the white haze of her phone. emma hadn't even realized she was in the same state as she was half an hour ago : her hair wrapped in microfiber cloth, pajamas still lightly damp from her time in the much dreaded dorm showers, phone as close to her face as she can get without going cross-eyed.
∘ ▫ | @mariereau: seriously, i t's life or death.
❝ you're serious about everything. ❞ her fingers tap at the glass in front of her again, idly, unseeing, before it really settles in what's been said. ❝ wait, you're being for real? shit. fuck. okay. ❞ finally, her phone is thrown to the wayside, and emma catapults off her bed. she slips her feet into a pair of sneakers, struggling to get her right heel all the way in, fingers burning with the effort. the next few moments are a panic-induced flurry of motion, gathering seemingly random items into her hands and stuffing them into a fannypack. ❝ how bad is it? like, mace bad or tampons used to stop wounds bad? fuck! are you okay? ❞