Dominick didn’t bother paying attention to his surroundings. Not right now. At the moment he was safe. Well, as safe was one can be while gallivanting around in their underwear. Either way he was safe inside the apartment. It was almost an odd feeling. It had been quite some time since Dominick had honestly felt this safe. A part of him knew that it probably wouldn’t last long. Something was bound to go awry. But for this one moment in time, there was nothing that could touch him. The escort reveled in the thought. He felt a shiver trail up and down his exposed back, as he was clad in nothing but a black pair of Calvin Klein boxer briefs.
As if he needed to prove his masculinity to all who looked upon him. His eyes focused apathetically on the bottles before him. The shadows danced against the walls from the corner of his peripheral vision. They knew nothing about his past, his secrets, his darkest desires. They knew nothing about him. He was just another pretty face in the room commanding attention from prying eyes, whether he wanted it or not.
The anxious feeling in his stomach started to spread like a rampant forest fire. The heat running through his veins. He used to be very much like that fire. Faintly he remembered days when he would lock himself away. He could place himself in a corner and no one would know he was there. Those were the days before he came to London in search of, well, he was still searching for whatever it was. The troubled life he led had always been. Trouble was a fact of being. It stuck to him like a tick. It was hard to believe there were, once, sweet days that filled the pages of his derailed life. The escort wanted to wonder if things would ever return to that previous time, yet he knew they never would. No. There was no peace in sight. Not now, not ever.
Especially not with those boxes he still had to unpack. Inwardly he sighed in contempt. Moving could be a real pain in the ass. Especially when you were alone. Not that he really cared, but still. He had been here for two days and he was still living out of boxes. In fact, half his life he had been living out of cardboard boxes. Or so it seemed when he really gave it thought. A frown pulled over his lips. It was almost sad really. If he didn’t have so much pride, he probably would’ve agreed. No, it wasn’t sad. It was just a fact of life. Softly he began to hum Little Boxes to himself, smiling at the cruel irony of the song.
Swishing the remnants of alcohol in his champagne glass he continued to hum. It was funny how his life had spun uncontrollably out of his reach and sometimes he couldn’t even keep up with it. He could hear the sloshing of the red wine, his personal favorite, and the echoing waves of brandy being poured. Glasses clinking noisily over the white noise of chatter. His empty glass was quickly filled with rich rum and coke, not even half full, but still full enough. A pointed gaze flickered up to meet the hesitant bartender. Obviously, it wasn’t enough. The bartender hastily filled it almost to the brim so that it almost sloshed over the frosted sides. A small smile of content graced the escort’s lips. It would be swallowed thankfully, graciously, and that the gluttony of the glass was not going to be quenched tonight.
He was growing restless again. How he hated parties, well, parties of this variety. To be honest this was his first – and he already decided that there wouldn’t be any repeats. What he wanted was something to preoccupy his mind, anything to stop him from over-analyzing and tapping his foot impatiently. Silently he began to doodle in the condensation the glass produced, his thoughts wavering between this and that. ‘Patience is a virtue.’ He had to remind himself. Great, now he sounded like his mother.
Literally jostled from his thoughts, the escort flinched at the contact. It didn’t hurt, not in the slightest. It had just caught him off-guard him slightly. His thoughts skittering into the back of his mind like spooked horses. Lazily he eyed the female escort, regarding her with little interest. The tired and irritated look in her eyes did not go unnoticed. The telltale signs of a hangover. Judging by the way she carried herself, rather clumsily upon further inspection. Well, maybe she was slightly intoxicated as well. He would see this just by looking into her eyes. Biting the inside of his cheek, Dom resisted the urge to comment. Dark green eyes traveled up the slender frame of the blonde. His eyes were narrowed, glowering at her as she retaliated against his less than kind remark. In his mind it had been playful, innocent, why was she freaking out?
Was it her time of the month or something? He thought about inquiring but stopped himself. That was just begging for trouble. No, then he would run the risk of being called insensitive and whatnot. At the thought he inwardly smiled, this one had moxy. A smirk making its way across his lips as he toyed absent-mindedly with the glass he held in his hands. A low audible chuckle leaving him as Dom tilted his head slightly to the left.
“Sweetheart?” He repeated softly, his voice carrying through the chatter and noise. Amusement flickering in his deep gaze as he stared at her for a long moment, was she joking? “Whatever you say, doll. I can be patient, I can wait.” Dominick looked away from her, holding his chin in his hand. “You’re the one flipping out.” He mumbled softly, more to himself this time. His tone wasn’t angry or harsh, at least not to him. No. He was despondent. If anything he was tired. This was a battle he no longer wished to fight, even though a part of him wanted to egg her on for giggles. “Hey, watch your language, Blondie. What? You lost your manners too when you stumbled down the yellow brick road?” He chuckled softly, standing from his too comfortable position and stepping away from her.
The rich spicy scent of his Burberry Sport Ice cologne wafting off his toned body. Silently he leaned away from her on the bar, taking a long drink from his glass as he downed the rest of it and crunched the ice beneath his teeth to fill the silence between them. Right now he wanted, more than anything, to be locked in his room where he wouldn’t be disturbed so he could finally unpack. Dom stood silent for a moment, testing her reaction. In all honesty he was waiting for her to either punch him, or dump her drink on him. Hell, he probably deserved it too.
Not quite incensed enough for a more dramatic reaction, Lili simply looked at him, annoyance written all over her face. "Wow, you are just ever so witty and clever with those comebacks. Please, slow down, I simply cannot keep up with your banter." Her voice was dripping with sarcasm and dry as all hell, and her expression must have said plainly that she was feeling entirely done with the whole night, because when she turned and looked at the bartender, he didn't even argue when she asked for a refill.
She leaned against the counter as she waited for her drink, shooting the rude stranger a dirty look. "Have I broken your nose yet? No. These are my manners, asshole." Was the alcohol making Lili belligerent? Maybe, but she suspected that her ever worsening mood would have had her acting snappish anyway. Being back in this place was... not doing good things for her mental health, and she just wanted to go upstairs and fall asleep whilst watching some mindless show on Netflix. She didn't want to cater to anyone, to put on a show for the masters, to flirt her way into the bed and wallet of some more affluent person. She just wanted to sleep.
But this is your job, she reminded herself. Ciara needs you to do your job.
If nothing else, Lili was dedicated to her sister, and she wasn't going to fuck this up. That's why she was at the stupid opening event, she reminded herself. She was all in, and determined to do everything right this time. No hangups, no emotions. Just business. And being business-like meant at least trying to coexist peacefully with the other escorts, so for once in her life, Lili bit her tongue. Sort of.
Well, she watered down her biting tone, anyway.
When the bartender finally handed her the drink, and she turned to face the stranger again, raising an eyebrow. "You're telling me that I don't have manners? That's a laugh." She took a drink of the vodka. "Are you quite finished? May I stumble right back away from you yet, or do I have to endure more of your ingenious retorts?"
[December meant sweaters, thicker gloves and breaking out his wool coats. Less so, Christmas and New Years. Even from the beginning Cade had never exactly celebrated the holidays, abusive foster parents not focused on upholding traditions. And after Zooey, he’d barely noticed the date beyond what appointments he had for the day. And now to live in a place where the festivities were on clear display was going to take some… getting used to. But it seemed like he had a better hang of it than some.]
You’re going to have a difficult time then, considering Christmas hasn’t past yet.
[She looked over at the man, thinking that he seemed vaguely familiar-- a previous resident, probably. She was on the verge of a rude retort, but she knew that would just be taking out her mood on an innocent bystander, and she didn't like to do that whenever she could help it. She wasn't her father. Taking a deep breath, she just sighed, forcing a smile and shrugging.]
Don't I know it. I suppose I'll just have to deal with it.
this is how it ends
i feel the chemicals burn in my bloodstream
fading out again
i feel the chemicals burn in my bloodstream
so tell me when it kicks in
[Perhaps predictably, Lili wasn't in a great mood, aggravated by the fact that there was a chance that this could be her sister's last Christmas, and Lili wasn't going to be there. Things were tight financially for her family-- forget Ciara's treatments, with all the time her mother was taking off to take care of her, the damn house payment was close to not getting paid. It just didn't make sense for Lili to take time off and miss chances at making more money, and then pay for a train home. Her holiday spirit was at an all time low, and when she heard some corny version of "It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year" playing in the lounge, she couldn't help but grumble.]
but i'm holding on for dear life
won't look down, won't open my eyes
keep my glass full until morning light
'cause i'm just holding on for tonight
help me, i'm holding on for dear life
won't look down, won't open my eyes
keep my glass full until morning light
'cause i'm just holding on for tonight
[Victor was biting his tongue. It was a tough thing to do for the man, and to some, he still came off as extremely harsh, even when he tried to be kind. Nevertheless, he’d had a long night; Blake hadn’t slept well in his new bed, and had cried all night about how Mummy would have wanted them to stay back in their place, and…]
[And now, he was distracting himself with a pack of cigarettes outside of the restaurant, thumb absently flicking his zippo and then snapping it shut, little movements here and there to bring the fire to life and let it go.]
I don’t take requests. What’s on the menu is on the menu. If you want something else, go to fucking McDonalds.
[After half a second's pause, Lili turned her head to face the man, irritated disbelief written all over her face. The past few weeks of being back had grated at her nerves, old memories that she would prefer to leave forgotten coming back as she walked the building's familiar halls once again. On top of everything that was happening with her sister, it all had Lili on edge, and this man's sharpness certainly wasn't helping matters.]
Alright, look. I am out here for the same reason as you. [She held up her pack of cigarettes, shaking it for effect.] I haven't the slightest idea of who you are, but I gather you're the chef. Brilliant. Good for you. I could not give a shit-- I live off of Ramen, and whatever sort of posh food that's on the menu today is entirely irrelevant to my life. [Pulling out a cigarette and sticking it between her teeth, she grabbed her lighter from her pocket, her voice coming out like a muffled growl as she spoke around the cigarette.] Anyway, I'm sure that the fucking McDonalds has friendlier service.
It’s fine, Lili.. [Ezra said honestly, because truthfully he was used to the feeling of being left behind, and even more honestly, he wasn’t sure that he would have wanted to be in contact with her, merely because that would have meant explanations. He would have had to tell her all about Daniel, and he was ashamed of himself for that, more than any of the other things he’d done. But he supposed he was going to have to explain anyway, sooner or later.]
I get it.. Besides, I didn’t get a goodbye from anyone, really. [He reassured and flashed her a small but gentle smile.] I— I have to get these boxes down before they collect the recycling but maybe we should.. catch up? I mean, if you want to. [Ezra shrugged. He didn’t want to explain to her, but that didn’t mean he didn’t care about her anymore. That didn’t mean she wasn’t still his friend.]
[She chewed her lip, still feeling very much that it wasn't okay.] I'm just... yeah. Alright. [The word 'sorry' had never been easy for her to say, but God, she was feeling it. She was good at guilt.]
Definitely, we should. I really have missed you, cariad. [She smiled encouragingly, nodding.] I'll get going... I don't want to keep you from getting rid of those boxes, but I'm on the SMS again, so just... shoot me a text when you're free, yeah?
[He could lose himself in this. The pleasure of just enjoying someone’s company without having to worry about how much they willing to pay by the end of the night. Of course he’s not saying that he’s completely against the whole premise—it’s his occupation for Christ sake. But it was still nice to not have to pretend all the time and just…enjoy. If this was what nights were with Lili then he could absolutely see himself hanging out with the blonde on a regular basis. And with Red involved, that would be a threesome (not sexual, of course) that he could totally get behind.] Means that I got a pretty wicked cock, and not to toot my own horn but it is a pretty nice…package. From an outsider’s point of view, of course. [Barging about dick sizes with a girl. Grade A work, Evan.]
Family values have a ton to do with this place. We have a Alpha Bear and we are her little cubs and cublettes that she has to protect for the greater good. And yadda, yadda, yadda [He sluggishly waves his hand in the air, ignoring the fact that the alcohol made it far too easy for him to rant.] I think it would be easier if they had a class for orgies, ‘cause shite like that is intimidatin’. Too many people to pleasure and not enough stamina. We need lessons.
[Lili snickers before she can help herself, trying too late to smother it with knuckles pressed to her mouth. It's not that she doubts Taz, it's just that he's actually talking at about the size of his dick, even if she had technically been the one to bring it up-- and fucking hell, she's twenty-two, and that's not so old that she doesn't still have a slightly immature sense of humor. She forgets, sometimes, how young she is, but it's moments like this that she remembers-- laughing at Taz's (apparently impressive) dick. Jesus.] Congratulations. [It's all that she can think to say, and she almost starts laughing in earnest-- shit, the alcohol has to be making her giggly. Looking at him with forced seriousness, she continues politely, trying for manners despite her tipsy state.] I'm sure it's very nice.
[She raises her eyebrows-- Alpha Bear? It's not a bad metaphor, really, but it amuses her nonetheless.] As genuinely nice as that is, I'd rather not think of us all as one big family, I think. Things could get... weird. [Incestuous, really, because everyone knows that the escorts fuck each other strangely often, when one would think that they would want to be resting from fucking all of the people they get paid to be with. This place just makes everyone horny, Lili suspects. Maybe there's something in the water.] Oh yeah, that's brilliant-- Orgy 101. I can only imagine. Lesson One: Safer Sex in a Large Group Setting. Lesson Two: The Dos an Don'ts of Propositioning Multiple Partners. Lesson Three: Triple Penetration.
[She’s grinning, joking, but Tate can still see the strength, see sharp edges, see “handle with care.” And it’s laughably predictable, the way it draws him in. Because from what Tate knows of strength, it only grows among adversity. He can’t meet raised barriers without wondering what’s behind them, wanting them lowered, wanting that glimpse.
He thinks it must be exhausting, really, and thinks that most people crave the reprieve. When it’s someone they trust. It’s what keep him from feeling selfish, or like he preys on vulnerability, gets off on it.]
Absolutely. [He says, grinning too, wondering if he can start to let this place make him bold.] Good thing I scoff in the face of danger.
[Lili knows that her brittle nature isn't exactly conducive to her occupation, but it's just the way that she is, and she can't help it. Despite her circumstances, she's not worried about business tonight, anyway. It's more a time for her to reacclimatize, to give herself some transitional period between her life and Tottenham and her life here, because God knows that they are too different for her to really wrap her mind around so quickly. And anyway, if she does have an off-putting sort of nature tonight, Tate doesn't actually seem to mind it-- at least not visibly-- so she laughs at his joking, head tilting to the side.] Ah, good, then we'll get along.
[There's another lull in the conversation, and this is where she's supposed to ask him about himself-- "What do you like to do in your spare time? What brings you to the Apartments? What's your job?" Lili isn't one to pry, though-- is used to her dodgy neighborhood in Tottenham, where everyone knows to mind their own business and keep their faces forward-- so she just lets the silence stretch for a moment, draining the last few drops from the bottom of her glass, before finally speaking.] So, d'you reckon you're leaving early, or are you going to stick it out the whole time? I have an incredibly shit series waiting for me to binge watch it on Netflix, so I'm leaning toward ditching. But not too soon-- I wouldn't want to be rude.
[Ezra knew that she could tell. She had been one of the only people he had told about Daniel, and as always, Ezra was transparent. His vulnerability was always there for everyone to see, even when he didn’t want it to be. People could see right through him, and he didn’t know how to stop it. He swallowed thickly and was glad when she didn’t question the bruise.]
[He didn’t know why, but he hadn’t expected the hug. However that didn’t mean that he didn’t want it. He gently embraced her and gave her a small squeeze.] I wasn’t sure if I was going to see you again.. or anyone. [Ezra admitted, pulling back a little] I thought maybe everyone had gone for good.
[Lili opened her mouth to speak-- to apologize, to say that she hadn't meant to abandon him-- before shaking her head, looking away. For years, her first priority had been taking care of her sister, protecting her, even when she had moved out of their parents' home. That instinct had transferred to Ezra somehow-- maybe just because he had always seemed so fragile to her. Like he needed that extra protection. Still, she had left him abruptly, before the renovations had ever even been announced, and with no way for him to find her again. She had told herself that she didn't need to do it any differently, that he wasn't her responsibility, but really, she had been trying to save her own ass. She had been afraid of letting herself get hurt, so she had done it to herself before anyone else could, and maybe Ezra had been collateral damage.
She thought that it might have been the first truly selfish thing that she had ever done in her life.]
Well, I'm back now. [She let go of his shoulders as he drew back, biting her lip.] I should have-- I got a new phone when I left, one without the SMS from here on it, but I should have given you the new number. I just-- would've had to come back, and I didn't... well, that wasn't something I wanted to do at the time. [She sighed.] Still. I should've done it anyway.
[Ezra understand the strangers anger after having several cardboard boxes accidentally thrown down the stairs at her — but she wasn’t a stranger at all. And however delighted Ezra was to see someone who he had once considered a close friend, he had been half hoping that he wouldn’t see her, at least not yet. He didn’t want her to see the bruises on his body. And most importantly he didn’t want her to question them. She looked almost as guilty as he did. He swallowed the thick lump inside of his throat.]
"Lili. Hi.." [Ezra said somewhat quietly, forcing a somewhat pathetic smile onto his rosy lips, the evidence of a small split faint of the soft skin.] "Oh, God," [He said, noticing only then that he had knocked her clean off her feet. He quickly made his way down the remaining stairs and offered her a skinny hand,] "I’m sorry. You know me. I shouldn’t be trusted with anything, especially not when walking down stairs…" [He said feebly, and he made an attempt at a chuckle but he came out a lot less convincing than he had once hoped.] "How.. How are you?" [Ezra asked as he began to pick things up from the floor]
[Lili knew as soon as she looked up at him. She had worn the same little signs all through her childhood-- bruises under sleeves, bruises under makeup, bruises circling her wrist when she tried not to go to church. Stitches on her back, only once and never again, when she fell into a vase and her father cried while he drove her to the hospital.
She swallowed, guilt over Ezra worsening, because when she had left, she had assumed that he would still have someone looking after him-- Dmitri, probably, although she hadn't liked to think much about it. But clearly, he had been on his own. She couldn't think of any other reason for him to end up back in the situation that she had watched him sob over.
Lili could have at least left a phone number.
She didn't say anything about it. Not yet, not today. She had a feeling that it was going to be rough enough for the both of them as it was.]
Don't worry about it, really. [She took his hand and stood up, bending down to join him in picking up the scattered books and DVDs.] I'm alright. It's good to see you again. [Things back in the box, which was balanced carefully on the stairs, Lili shifted carefully to give him a gentle hug, movements slow and deliberate to avoid startling him.]
Overwhelming’s good sometimes. [He says with a tilted grin. And, yeah, that could become a mantra. He’d become so staid, his feet following the same plodding steps. When he’d been discharged, he’d shed his soldier’s skin for a civilian’s with glee, thought it was one that had never fit quite right. Thought that he’d adjust so quickly it wouldn’t be an adjustment at all.
But the only things that had ever thrilled him had been stealing cars, bottles thrown at his head, life-or-death. And without any of that, his life had faded into stubborn dull grey. So he’ll take overwhelming. Overwhelming’s what he seeks.]
So I should thank my lucky stars for my manners, is what you’re saying? [It’s that same edge, something that could be a threat or a warning — before he’s ever set a toe out of line.]
[Lili can feel the way that she's being slightly sharp, automatically fortifying the walls that she constantly keeps around her with wry humor and wit that could turn viscous in seconds. She doesn't really mean to be this way, but it's instinctive-- keeping people at a distance before they've ever even tried to come close. She's always been like this to some degree, and from what she's experienced, it's better to be this way. Maybe it isn't what any therapist wants to hear, but it is safer to stay distanced from people, and now-- working as an escort, getting paid for sex, being literally commodified-- is not the time to change that. She knows it now.
Huffing out a laugh, she shrugs, grinning facetiously.] Definitely. I'm very scary, can't you tell? [And maybe she is, sometimes-- lashing out, tearing people apart with her words, and-- less often-- throwing punches when she feels cornered, but that's just how she operates. It's fight or flight with her, always.]
The Apartments have been closed for nearly a year now. What has your character been doing? Have they found love, sorrow, stayed in London? Are they the same person?
She had moved into the tiny flatlet on Seven Sisters Road the third day that she was in London, wanting to leave the packed hostel that she was staying in as soon as possible. With its sad looking windows the size shoeboxes and the uncomfortable shade of yellowy tan that the shutters were painted, the plain brick condominium was not exactly in high demand, and she had signed a lease the day that she viewed the property. A little over three years later, when she was moving back after her rushed, semi-frantic departure from the Apartments, the transition was just as easy. She ended up in the exact same place as before-- the same musty, cramped, one-room studio flat with a closet-sized bathroom attached-- and as she signed the lease again and collapsed onto the bare mattress that lay directly on the plastic-tiled floor, she got a vague sense of unpleasant déjà vu.
After breaking a month long streak of sobriety, Lili arrived at Justin's door entirely shitfaced the first night that she was back in the neighborhood, and when he asked what the hell she was doing back in the borough, she just kept repeating, "This is better. S'okay. This is better."
Better than what, exactly, she declined to say.
When she woke up on his couch the next morning with the worst hangover she'd had in months, he asked her again as she was becoming violently ill in his bathroom.
"What the fuck are you doing, Lils?"
She groaned, wiping her mouth. "I texted you yesterday. Ciara's in remission. So I don't need to be in that place anymore."
Justin shook his head, crossing his arms and leaning against the doorframe of the bathroom to watch with an unimpressed expression as Lili's stomach heaved and emptied itself once more. "Maybe you don't need to be there, but you certainly don't need to be here, either. It's not good for you-- clearly. Besides, I thought you sorta liked that place, Pretty Woman."
Lili leaned back against the wall, and her knees pressed against the toilet bowl-- Justin's bathroom was just as tiny as hers, and there wasn't a lot of room for hangover activities. Several sharp retorts came to mind as the nickname poked at some raw part of her, but she just closed her eyes, shaking her head. "No. Trust me, I don't... the Apartments is the last place I wanna be right now. I'm tired of whoring myself out and feeling... expendable." She sighed, opening her eyes and looking up at her best friend. "Besides, maybe I belong here. Maybe this is what I'm good at."
Walking into the kitchen to grab a glass and fill it with water, Justin snorted. "What, pickling your liver?"
Lili huffed out something close to a laugh, taking the glass as he returned and handed it down to her. "No, just... this place in general. I've adjusted to it. It's not so bad, y'know?"
Justin's eyebrows were nearing his hairline as he looked down at her, shaking his head. "You're fuckin' mental, Lili. This place blows."
She shrugged, taking a cautious sip of water. "Whatever. D'you work today? I'm gonna see if Monster Monica'll give me my job back."
"Fuckin'. Mental."
He opened the medicine cabinet and tossed her a bottle of ibuprofen, and Lili smiled. "I'm taking that as a yes. Tell me when you're leaving!"
---
Too soon, it was as if she had never gone to the Apartments at all. She worked irregular hours every day at the bar, took full advantage of her employee discount on the alcohol, and reestablished contact with her old dealer. She stayed drunk or stoned or high or some mixture thereof during the weekends, and worked late enough on the weekdays that all she had time for was the occasional nightcap shot of vodka before passing out. She called Ciara once a week to talk about her return to school and make sure that their father was still being decent to her, smiling wide and genuine as she listened to her sister tell her all about the boy who sat behind her in maths and how much she loved her creative writing assignments. Months passed, and Lili remained in a determined state of denial. She told herself that she didn't miss any aspect of the Apartments and its way of living, that she was content to be back to the grind of her life in Tottenham, that she wasn't depressed or bipolar or anything nearing it. She was just living her life, free of attachments. That was it.
Justin got a boyfriend-- a real one, the first since the ex, the one who had beaten him and ruined his trust for years after-- and he was happier than she had ever seen him. He stayed with the other man a lot-- Jeremy, his name was-- and he began to talk about moving closer to him. Lili was happy that Justin was finally piecing his life together. He had been young, only sixteen when his parents had discovered his sexuality and kicked him out, and he had been scraping by in Tottenham ever since. He deserved to make himself a better life. And yet Lili was also dreading the day that he would leave, because he was her bright spot in the rougher life that she had chosen, the one person who had always been there and never let her down. She knew that the relatively short bus ride between them would seem longer once they were separated, that neither of them would have the time or energy to take it, and she ached when she thought of loosing her best friend. She never said anything, though-- she wasn't about to be the reason that he stayed in this shithole, no matter how much she was still trying to convince herself that it wasn't so bad, once you got past the muggings-- and Justin decided that he was going to do it. He was going to leave.
He got a bank job in Havering, something that paid better than the bar (which, really, almost anything did) and Lili was helping him pack his things when her mother called.
As horrible and unexpected as it was, a part of her had already known when she answered the phone that it was happening again, that sick sense of déjà vu creeping in once more as her mother broke the news with a shaky voice: Ciara had cancer. Again.
Lili dealt with it a little better the second time around. She took a deep breath, closed her eyes, and told her mother that she would send money for the aggressive treatments that the doctors were starting as soon as possible, and after assuring Justin that she was fine, she headed back to her own flat and dialed a number that she never thought she would use again, opening a fresh bottle of whiskey as the phone rang. To her relief, Madam answered. Once it had been decided that Lili would be allowed to come back after the renovations that were nearly done with, she started packing the few things that she cared enough to take with her-- books, photographs, her small wardrobe of clothes-- and texted her landlord that she was leaving the next week. All of it felt like a reenactment, as if she was reliving last year, with her going mechanically through the motions, knowing exactly what was going to happen.
Maybe it wasn't the neighborhood that never changed. Maybe it was Lili.
She and Justin got massively drunk the night before they both left the neighborhood-- him to his bettered life in Havering, and her to the Apartments. He was celebrating, and she was saying goodbye to the dodgy/rough/comforting/familiar place that she had somehow come to fund endearing, despite its difficulties. They both left the next afternoon, catching different buses and hugging each other goodbye, and before she really knew what was happening, Lili was walking into the Apartments once again, determined not to make the same mistakes this time around, feeling hungover and nervous and maybe even a little glad to be there, despite everything-- although she never would have wished for the circumstances.
The doorman actually recognized her when she passed, and she laughed-- hysterically, her head falling back as she shook her head, while he watched with slight concern. There we are, then, she thought, picking up her keys from the desk and heading back to the same apartment that she had been in before. It was déjà vu, again-- but she thought that maybe she could live with this one.
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