hello, lilith here

they/them | panromatic | bisexual | hp | kpop | pjo | tmi

[thememedaddy]

[monstersovka]

🌱🍃🌾

[magicratfingers]

Werewolf boyfriend

[cannibalchicken]

[lets-get-lit]

I was always hungry for love. Just once, I wanted to know what it was like to get my fill of it -- to be fed so much love I couldn't take any more. Just once.

- Haruki Murakami, Norwegian Wood

[thememedaddy]

[kaity--did]

It’s that time of year again when I have to remind everyone in my family that if they gift my child an elf on the shelf it will immediately become firewood because one thing mama ain’t raising in a snitch.

[synebluetoo]

Things I’ve done to children instead of elf on a shelf:

Told 4-7 year olds that throwing tantrums makes their teeth come loose

Green vegetables taste bad because they have the same stuff in them as the ninja smoke bombs that make people pass out, but if you eat a little bit at a time you will become immune and thus defeat ninjas.

The dentist knows the tooth fairy

Dogs and cats know when you say swear words and it hurts their feelings

Monsters in the closet think the floor is lava and can only walk on toys and clothes you haven’t put away

The good spirit of the house likes the sound of water, so flushing the toilet and washing your hands will remind it to protect you

So many child psychologists must know about me.

[kaity--did]

Okay but the dentist does know the tooth fairy that’s just facts

[urmumhaha]

I wish butch n femme balls existed. Not to b a fucking sap n a massive dyke but wow. Ugh even. Just wanna wear a gown n stilettos n have my honey greet me w a bouquet before we leave n we wear matching or complimentary jewelry n spend hours on my hair and makeup to impress. N then when we get there my honey will spin me around the room for a brief dance before grabbing something to drink, wine for me n whiskey for her, as we chat w other dykes n celebrate butchfemmeness. Or whatever

[bunniope]

oh they meant like a fancy party. i see now.

[becherdireinen]

bastille is correct. how AM i gonna be an optimist about this?

[shangheists]

well if you close your eyes

[ghost-cassette]

No good. It almost feels like nothing changed at all

[markocomics]

[bigwordsandsharpedges]

Theres a novel by Poul Anderson called The High Crusade, which has an alien spacecraft land in rural England in 1345 during the Hundred Year’s War. The local baron has been raising an army to help King Edward against the French, and immediately assumes this must be some kind of enemy trick.

In a way, he’s correct: the aliens are scouts for a brutal and repressive interstellar empire, which has dominated numerous planets through their devastating technology.

Unfortunately, this reliance on advanced weapons means they’ve completely forgotten all forms of melee combat and Sir Roger of Tourneville leads his militia to defeat the aliens easily.

They spare a single enemy, forcing him to fly the ship at spearpoint. They intend to raid behind enemy lines, capture the king of France to end the war, and then go onward to reclaim the Holy Land using the same tactic.

In an attempt to outwit the knights, the alien pilot actually travels to the nearest Imperial planet, where he expects the occupying military forces to save him.

I won’t spoil the details, but the knights accept this as a challenge and declare the launch of the “high crusade”.

[yimra-deactivated20250209]

That last picture is so stupidly badass I might tattoo that next to my dick cause it ain’t getting any better after that

[07242024-deactivated20240725]

[07242024-deactivated20240725]

i got the job

[alexaloraetheris]

Litany against unemployment.

[omghotmemes]

big brain only

[clutzyangel]

[scallioncreamcheesebagel]

[gothicashworld]

the English Major in me loathes this but the word-play lover in me adores this

[depsidase]

[boss-of-armadildos]

Post corrections/clarifications are my favorite genre of humor: a compilation

[only-cat-memes]

Comic by Sarah Andersen

[wifegideonnav]

the fact that op turned off rbs is very very funny to me. anyway i want this post on my blog too.

[soon-palestine]

Brown University is doing everything they can to make sure the press doesn’t cover the fact that 19 of their students are on hunger strike calling for Brown to divest from weapons manufacturers. Let’s make sure the story gets out:

Brown University students start hunger strike calling for divestment from arms manufacturers

The university said reporters would not be allowed on campus to cover the hunger strike.