Chaotic Academia
Otherwise known as me roasting myself as hard as possible in front of lots of people, in a pathetic attempt to garner support and the hypothetical validation that there are people who might relate to my issues. Like seriously, I did not need to roast myself this hard, but I did anyways, so here we go. I hope at least one of you relates to and/or enjoys this list, because god did I almost kill my self-esteem writing it. Godspeed, friends!
That kid who’s super smart and creative and honestly just kind of a genius, and yet they’re so introverted, depressed, anxious and/or shy that you basically never see them and they end up not coming to class a lot of the time, even though they really should be a star student
All their writing is super poetic and honestly sounds like the ghostwriting of Oscar Wilde, if only they weren’t writing about weird shit. It’s like the rambling on an off-the-shits mad genius; it’s all brilliant, but strangely indecipherable. They’ve probably written at least ten essays on their own thought process and “tragic backstory” because really, they just want validation and a definable identity already, and is that really too much to ask for?
Impeccably creative and really quite talented, but flakier than a french croissant. So they end up coming up with these incredible stories and ideas, but ditching them because they got distracted by another idea; repeat cycle for twentyseven years.
Probably in, or was in, their school’s Dungeons & Dragons club. Owns, like, six different dice sets, all for unique purposes and different types of campaigns that they say are just “too complicated to explain right now”.
Has wonderful reading and literary comprehension skills, but can only stay focused on the kinds of stories they’re passionate about. So with a book they know they like, they can run through it in a day with ease. Anything else, they’ve re-read that one introduction paragraph seven times now because they just can’t focus.
Almost definitely Neurodivergent, Disabled or Mentally Ill to some degree. Was probably also labeled “Twice Exceptional” in grade school, but is now suffering from Gifted Kid Burnout hard.
Compares themself to their favorite Fictional and Literary Characters, all the time. Seriously, something happens to them and they immediately just go “Ah yes, just like this character, which means that my fate and thus my entire life must mirror their’s completely” and before you know it they’re dressing and acting more like that character and just having a really weird case of ‘I want to be like this person, so I must become this person’ syndrome.
Messy Hair, covered in Scabs and Bruises because they’re really clumsy but they honestly don’t remember where they got them from, Soulful Eyes and a flair for the Melodramatic.
Writing annotations directly into books, with inked notes hidden in corners and the borders of the page. Also really enjoys reading other people’s annotations, because they love seeing other people’s opinions of their work or favorite stories, mostly because they’re starved for validation.
Buys books they think they’re going to read, and then they end up just sitting on the shelf for the ‘Aesthetique~’ for like seven years.
Probably has made, and possibly even submitted, like eight different essays or presentations about how these two Characters are obviously Gay for one another, I mean come on people, it’s called subtext, don’t you know anything about Homoeroticism?
Owning like eighteen different Journals, most of which you don’t even use, because you buy them thinking that you’re going to use this one for a specific purpose and this other one for another reason, and then you get disorganized in ten seconds and before you know it, you’re grabbing the wrong one and there’s seventeen unused others on the floor, so uh… oops.
They’re probably broke, or at least on a budget, so they just end up rotating between the same ten different clothing items and mixing and matching them, hoping nobody will notice that they’ve worn the same dress shirt for, like, four days now. It’s either that or they’re Neurodivergent and/or Disabled and literally just can’t be bothered to change clothes that often… it’s about a 50/50 split, honestly.
Was probably that kid who liked the “weird” or “unconventional” animals as pets, so instead of a puppy or kitten they owned a Rat or Parakeet or Ball Python or something like that. And when asked if they’re a dog or a cat person, they’re just like “Uh, is there an option C, you honor?”.
Also that kid who drank Grape or Apple Juice from a wine glass, and pretended they were drinking wine.
Knows a little too much about a really really morbid topic, like a specific form of Burial or an Ancient Goetic Demon Prince, which just makes people kind of paranoid about how they know that and why they need that information, which only isolates them more.
Probably super isolated from their peers, but they can’t bring themselves to decide whether or not they want to be that way. Because on one hand, they are super lonely, yet on the other hand, they don’t have to worry about other people’s opinions, there’s less uncomfortable flirting and whenever they do try to be social, they still feel alone anyways, so really, what’s the point? So they end up trapped in this loop of questioning whether they want to be social, or if they’re just destined for isolation and if that’s a good thing or not.
Owns a ton of candles, but is afraid of fire and the smell of smoke, so they end up never really using any of them. Also does this with incense, or really anything that requires fire to work.
Makes lots of “In this economy” Jokes to mask the pain of their all-encompassing fear of the potential future and the government’s spiral towards fascism and the endless suffering of minorities like them. But yeah guys, they’re doing just fine, don’t even worry about it bro.
Has definitely gotten in fights with several of their teachers over the years, because hey, if they or their parents are going to spend a ridiculous amount of money for this education, the dumbasses in charge of this class should at least try to do their job, right?
Swears like a Sailor, to the point where it’s gotten them in trouble before, but they do it so elegantly that most barely even pick up on the swear words. It’s almost like they use it to articulate their point; like if Oscar Wilde dropped cuss words into every three sentences, but the words just flow so well together that you barely even notice it.
Sleep? Never met her. You must be referring to falling asleep for an hour or two, but then waking up periodically throughout the night, doing some shit for a while, and then passing out again, only for the cycle to continue endlessly until you finally die of exhaustion.
Draws doodles on important essays, and argues with their teacher when they get points taken off because one, it’s their therapeutic coping mechanism to deal with how bullshit this class is, and two, that drawing of Marvin the Martian alone is clearly worth an A, mister.
Loves education and learning more than life itself, but is outspoken in their hatred for the public education system. Though honestly, who can blame them?
When given the choice to write an essay on a book of their choice, they likely choose a book that they know is banned from the classroom solely to spite the teacher and education system at large. Doesn’t even care if they get a low grade for it; it’s the message that counts, dammit.
Has probably made, or has always wanted to make, a giant corkboard wall of sticky notes, papers, maps and red string, both to find some possible way of connecting their interests and hyperfixations, but mostly just for the aesthetic.
So damn existentialist and morbid you’d swear they’re possessed by the ghosts of Nietzsche or Franz Kofka, who are vying for control of their body from inside their head. Which would explain a lot, actually, wouldn’t it?
Wearing Sweaters and Dressshirts and Oxfords, but then having Jeans and Funky Socks, so nobody can tell what your Aesthetic is.
Their favorite Genres are either Tragedies (Othello, Macbeth, Dead Poets Society, Flowers for Algernon, Of Mice and Men) or Old Comedies that aren’t wildly offensive or outdated by Modern Standards (A Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure, Young Frankenstein, Monty Python and the Holy Grail), and no, they have no idea which one they like better either.
Crooked Glasses and way too much Hair in your face.
Loose Ties and Shirts that are not buttoned up nearly enough.
Calloused Hands with bruised and bloody Knuckles. Probably also gets Bloody Noses a lot, for one reason or another.
Sleeves that are rolled up to the elbows because you heard that people thought that was hot, and you’re lonely, so why not?
Sees something mundane or “gross” like a snail or racoon that just ate a bunch of garbage and just randomly saying stuff like “Decadence” or “Effervescent” for no fuckin’ reason at all.
I could add more, but I have to get to class now, so I hope you enjoyed this. And if you feel called out, don’t worry; we can be called-out together, because god did I just roast myself for fun. Anyways, have a lovely day, fellow weirdos!
