Minors DNI Please. English is my Second Language. I write Soft Characters, No Age Gaps, Not Much Smut, Angst, and when the mood strikes, Asshole Joels.
Joel Miller was doing the best he can as a single dad, relying on his 'village' to raise his little girl after the sudden death of his wife. All was fine until his BabyGirl came home from her first day of school with a bruise on her arm, courtesy of the new girl in school.
WARNINGS: Enemy to Lovers, Secrets, Misunderstanding, Jealousy, Fluff, Pining, Loneliness, Helicopter Parenting, OverProtective Dad, More to add as story moves on.
MASTER LIST
Part 1
Disclaimer - I don't beta my work, and English is not my first language, so sorry if there are errors.
Joel didnât think anyone was there after him. He had thought the car next to his truck was a teachers. He felt so embarrassed that she saw him cry, though she was crying herself, it seemed. He had smiled at her, a sad, understanding smile that only a parent in his predicament could give another.
And she gave one equally sad, understanding smile right back at him.
If he had to guess, it was her childâs first day of school too.
See? Thereâs nothing to be embarrassed about, lots of parents felt sad on their childrenâs first day of school. So he wasnât exactly alone, nor was he dramatic.
He watched as the lady got in her car, took a deep breath, wiped her face and drove off.
He started his truck up to leave too, a smile suddenly appearing on his lips. The small, sad, reciprocating smile the lady gave him didnât leave his mind. Still kind and understanding despite her own sadness. He really should find her later, thank her for seemingly understanding his situation.
Maybe beg her to not blab to the other moms about him crying like a little girl in his truck.
Finding out what her name was wouldnât be a bad idea either.
Wait, who said that?
âHey Daze,â Joel greeted, swiping the newly fallen leaves off his wifeâs headstone. He was there just the day before with Sarah, and already the leaves were starting to cover her grave. Fall was definitely coming. His eyes fell to the base of the headstone, noticing the handful of daisies in the vase. He looked around, looking for anyone that might have been there before him, but saw no one.
He was there less than 24 hours ago. Itâs not even 10am yet. There was no flowers in the vase when he left yesterday. He had never left her flowers. She hated it when he bought her flowers. He wasnât exactly flush with money when they started dating, and she chastised him for buying her flowers for their first date, telling him it was a waste of money. Tommy wasnât in town, Tess just told him that she wasnât visiting until today, so it couldnât have been them. They never left her flowers, even if they visited.
So, who left the flowers?
Ignore it, youâre here to tell your late wife about your daughterâs first day of school, he told himself.
He rearranged the flowers, swiping more leaves off her gravestone, running his pointer finger through the petals, admiring them before he could help himself.
âYou have an admirer, it seems,â he joked. âShould I be jealous?â he laughed. âAnywayâŚâ he sighed.
Images of the crying lady he just saw at the school flashed in his mind.
What the fuck was that? You were at your wifeâs headstone, Joel Miller.
He was just emotional, is all. He related to her. She seemed sad to leave her child too, just like he was. Itâs nothing to feel guilty over. It was innocent.
âI just dropped our daughter at school. You should have seen how brave she was, Daze. She didnât cry at all. In fact, she was the one who coaxed me,â he laughed. âYouâd be so proud of her honey, shot out the door this morning before I finish cutting her sandwich crust off! She definitely didnât get that from me, I hated school. So, this is all you, honey, sheâs gonna grow up smart like you, thank God.â
He fell silent for a while.
âI canât even⌠you have no idea how much I wish you were here today. Iâm scared honey. Sheâs growing up so fast. I donât know if I can do thisâŚâ he said, his fingers picking up stray leaves and the off grass off the ground.
He was quiet for a beat, as if listening to someone. He huffed, rolling his eyes.
âDonât you start about that now. Tommy already gave me enough grief about that. You know he tried to introduce me to yet another one of his rejects? Sandy something. Or was it Samantha? I donât know⌠I just⌠I canât⌠I donât have the mental capacity for it anymore, honey. You know me. I donât do these things. You had to do it for me back then, remember? You decided to ask me out, you proposed to me, I just did what you wanted honey, I donât⌠I donât know how to⌠I just keep thinking â what if theyâre mean to Sarah? Sheâs all I have in my mind right now. I donât know. Iâm not thinking about it.â
It was true. He was too busy â his parents passed when Tommy was 16. He took over, didnât go to college, not that he was ever clever enough to go, got a job, and focused on getting his brother through life. He wasnât thinking about himself. Even when he saw Daisy for the first time at the diner where she worked, despite feeling as if he was electrocuted, he didnât do anything. Flustered so badly he kept dripping coffee all over his front whenever she talked to him. She finally put a stop to his clumsy attempts to show her how much he liked her by pouring herself a cup of coffee and sitting directly across from him and promptly declared they were on their first date. And he hadnât looked at another since.
Five years. Sarah had gone to school, and he still hadnât been on a proper date. He had a one night stand with someone he met at a bar maybe three years ago, but he lay there in bed after, feeling so empty and guilty he just wanted to leave. And of course, he felt worse when he did. He didnât even leave her his number. Just disappeared and never went back to that bar.
He didnât have any connection with her at all. It was just sex, nothing like what he had with Daisy. People kept telling him that he should open his heart for another, Sarah was too young, she needed a mother figure. But even when thinking about his little girl, he couldnât do it.
He was simply not ready.
Eddie, his late brother in law had asked him over for dinner many times, him and Tess attempting to fix him up with this lady and that, the poor lady always ended up feeling hurt and annoyed by the time dinner was over. âThis was what Daze would have wanted for you, for Sarah,â Eddie had said, but he simply hugged his brother in law good night and left.
Tommy, on the other hand, was just interested in getting him laid. Simply because he was too grumpy to be around anymore. âMaybe if you take the edge off, youâd be in a better mood,â he had jested. âAt least do it manually. When was the last time you did that?â
Joel wanted to punch his brother. Sarah sleeps next door to him. He wasnât going to do that with Sarah next door. And he never locks his door at night, in case Sarah had a nightmare. He never locked the bathroom door either when he showered, in case Sarah needed him. What if she walked in? No⌠it was not worth the risk. And he was never, ever going to let Sarah have a sleepover at Tessâs or Tommyâs dingy bachelorâs pad.
So, no. No more women for him. Not until Sarah leaves for college. That, or until she meets a man and gets married, which, if things go according to his plan, wonât be until sheâs 50.
âAnyway⌠I just wanted to come by and let you know how today went. Tried talking to you in my backyard like Tess suggested, but itâs just weird. Talking to you here feels more⌠purposeful, you know? At least I know you are here. Iâll come back tomorrow and tell you about the after school news.â
He stood up, picking up his jacket from the ground. âLove you honey. See you tomorrow,â he pressed his fingers to his lips, pressing them to her name on the headstone, his eyes on the daisies. âAnd tell you secret admirer you have a husband, okay? No hanky-panky!â he joked, before turning around and leaving.
He doesnât cry for her anymore. He was all cried out the day he put her in the ground, that, and all the nights since that he cried himself to sleep in the year that followed, especially when he got overwhelmed. He found it frustrating, but he simply couldnât. It wasnât as if she could do anything about it. And knowing her, she wouldnât want him to waste his tears on her. He had Sarah to worry about now.
After a lot of Googling and arguing with Dina (who did the Googling for him), it turned out all he needed to cut the crusts of a sandwich without squishing the bread was a knife. Not just any knife, a serrated knife, it seemed. He didnât even know there was such a thing as a bread knife.
Sigh⌠yet one more thing he was lacking in the parental department.
So there he was, staring at knives at the local chain superstore, wondering how his life had come to this â standing in the kitchen aisle of a store, looking at knives to cut off the crusts off his daughterâs sandwiches.
Why were there so many different bread knives? He didnât even know these existed, and now suddenly there were so many to choose from? There were simple ones, fancy ones, cheap ones, expensive ones.
Holy shit.
He didnât know some knives could cost that much. Do the more expensive ones mean better sandwiches? Do the sandwiches make themselves? Would he still have to buy the ingredients or would the knives procure them out of thin air?
He must have been so obviously stumped. Someone with a cart full of boxes approached him and asked if he needed any help.
Hey, itâs you. That lady from the parking lot. The one who was crying, just like he was.
âYou okay, sir? You need any help?â
Joel found himself staring at you instead of the knives. Now that you were right in front of him, without the smeared glass that was his window and the tears in his eyes blurring his sight, your features struck him like lightning. Your skin, your eyes, your hair, your lips.
He found his tongue swollen, constricting his vocal cords. His face got all hot, he was pretty sure he had started sweating, all for no reason whatsoever.
The heck?
âSir?â
âAre you okay?â he dumbly asked.
You were startled by his question. âIâm sorry?â
Joel suddenly realized how dumb his question was. âSorry, I saw you this morning, in the parking lot, at school. Are you okay?â
Oh.
âYou were the man in the truck next to me,â you scratched your forehead, feeling embarrassed. âSorry, I didnât recognize you. I was too busy being a big baby,â you awkwardly joked.
He gave a small laugh. âI feel you. Was being one myself.â He was suddenly reminded that he himself was sobbing his heart out in his truck when he saw you. There might have even been a chance that he was crying a lot harder than you were.
Crap, you saw him sob his heart out.
The one time he found a woman attractive in five years, and she had seen him cry.
You must think him a wuss.
Wait, who said that?
He didnât find you attractive. Pfft. He must be out of his mind still from leaving Sarah at school this morning.
You smiled at him, and his heart almost stopped beating. Damn it, you were gorgeous. Maybe not in the drop-dead, supermodel way, but there was something about you. In your uniform, your hair just above your shoulder, very little make up, but still... striking.
âFirst day of school?â
âYeah,â he said, scratching his head.
What do you do with your hands when you talk to someone? What did he normally do? Why were his hands hanging by his side like some limp noodles? Could he still feel them?
He finally found the wherewithal to put his hands in his pockets, his shoulders rising to his ears from his own awkwardness.
You nodded, âSo, can I help you with something? Youâre looking for knives?â
âUh, yes. A bread knife,â he said, taking his hands out of his pockets and crossing them on his chest. Wait, you might find him rude or think he was bored. He uncrossed them and placed them on his hips. Same thing.
Fuck, what do you do with your hands?
âWell, do you have a specific one in mind?â
Oh thank God, he didnât think he could survive another awkward moment. This was good. Talking is good. Questions are good. He wouldnât focus on his hands so much.
âJust, anything that could cut the crusts off a sandwich and not end up squishing the bread,â he said, his hands still hanging limply by his sides.
âOh, any of these will do,â you said. âDo you have a budget?â
âUh, not really, does it matter?â
âNot really. They should cut bread the same way,â you answered, taking the cheapest one off the shelf. âIn fact, the more expensive the knives, the more care they need.â
âAh,â he said, smiling, his hand taking the knife from you, suddenly functioning normally again. He studied the knife, âSo, just cut the bread the way you would with the usual knife?â
âNo, you saw the bread. Itâs why theyâre serrated. Like you would when youâre sawing wood.â
âWell, I know a little something about that,â he huffed a small laugh, immediately cringing when he saw the confused look on your face. âIâm⌠Iâm a contractor. And a carpenter. Part time, but you know, I saw things a lot.â
You gave him a slow nod, looking a bit awkward now.
âI mean wood, I saw wood. Not⌠people, or anything weird.â
Stop talking.
âLike, actual wood, from a tree?â
Oh my God, stop talking! Just take the damned knife and go pay!
You gave him another nod, an awkward smile on your lips.
Damn, even in the awkward situation you found yourself to be in, your smile made his heart skip a beat. What the heck was going on?
âSo youâre okay? Youâve decided?â
âTo keep my daughter in school?â he laughed, âI kinda have to, I am not the brightest. I have to let her go to school if sheâs ever going to have a chance,â he said.
You looked stumped.
âI mean, with the knife, youâre gonna get that one?â
Oh.
âUh⌠yeah, thank you for your help.â
Your smile returned, and you just like that, you turned your cart around and went on your way.
Joel found a pillar in the middle of the store and banged his head on it.
What the fuck was that? What happened?
God, he was being creepy, wasnât he? Who talks about sawing stuff off to someone they had never met? And why on earth was he correcting himself talking about sawing wood instead of people as if you had such morbid thoughts in the first place?
He wandered around the store for a while, picking up some berries and mini pretzels for Sarahâs lunch the next day, just for the sake of variety. He got stopped by the lady who was promoting some sort of luncheon meat at him, the woman smiling a bit too much, her eyelashes batting unnecessarily at him.
He never got why women did that with him. He didnât even brush his hair that morning, and all the confused and impatient hair clutching he did while listening to Dina tell him about the different types of knives couldnât have helped with the situation.
Daisy used to tease him about that. He would have conversations with women all the time, never once thinking they had ulterior motives. Despite his own crush on his late wife, he didnât realize she was flirting with him up until she instigated that first date, apparently much to the chagrin of the other waitresses.
After a few more rounds of such smiles and eyelash battings from the ladies in the produce section and the check out, Joel walked out of the store with a realisation.
You didnât do that. There was no eyelash batting or flirty smile from you.
For whatever reason, that realisation made his mood sour a little.
As he was about to start his truck, his eyes wandered around momentarily, glancing at the picnic tables by the play area. Sarah liked playing there, it was basically a weekly ritual â 30 minutes of grocery shopping, 30 minutes of play time for the little queen. Tit for tat. She sat still while he shopped, so he had to sit still while she played.
But that wasnât what he was thinking about when his eyes fell on the table he usually sits at as Sarah played.
You were sitting there, having a sandwich.
Before he could stop himself, he had turned his engine off and slammed the door behind him, walking towards you.
âHi,â he greeted, surprising himself that he actually talked to a woman without someone nudging him to, praying to God you wouldnât flinch from the creepy man who talked about sawing needlessly.
Thankfully, you didnât. You simply smiled, âHey, buyers remorse already? Are you returning the knife?â
Joel found himself so thankful that you didnât flinch or run screaming, he couldnât help but laugh out loud at your little joke.
âSad little tomatoes and cheese sandwich?â you offered, pushing your little Tupperware at him.
He raised his hand in a polite decline.
âUh, I actually just wanted to stop by to thank you, for helping me with the knife,â he said, telling you the real reason he went to see you. âMay I sit?â
You nodded, mouth full of sandwich.
He sat down, hands still awkwardly in his pockets. âIâm sorry if I came off as creepy,â he said.
You frowned at him, cocking your head a little, confused.
âJust now, talking about saws and wood and bodies⌠I just⌠I donât know what brought that on. I usually donât talk to people, I hope I didnât scare you,â he defended himself.
Ah, you nodded, seemingly understanding.
âIn my defence, I have forgotten how to talk to adults since my daughter was born,â he said, looking sheepish.
âOh,â you said, placing your sandwich on the Tupperware cover, âI hear that,â you took a drink from your water bottle. âSomeone was telling me about some actor she found to be hot the other day, and I kept thinking â was he in Bluey or Peppa Pig? Thatâs all that was playing in my household!â
He laughed, nodding, completely understanding what you were talking about.
âAnyway, donât worry about it. I didnât find you creepy. Maybe a little odd, but not creepy. Definitely not creepy,â you assured him, picking up your sandwich again.
Joel couldnât help but take a gander at your ring finger.
No ring, his heart rejoiced. Thereâs a ring line, though. New enough to be noticeable. So, unless you took it off to eat, maybe youâre a single mom? His left thumb absentmindedly scratched the pad of his left ring finger a few times without him realizing it.
âThank you,â he said, relieved. âWell, Iâll leave you then, let you have your lunch,â he got up. âMaybe Iâll see you around at pick up later.â
You nodded, giving him another smile, your mouth still full of sandwiches.
He nodded back, whispering another thank you, and began to walk away.
âOh, I almost forgot,â he said, turning back. âI would really appreciate it if we could keep what you saw in my truck this morning our little secret?â
Again, you looked confused.
âMe, crying like a little girl,â he whispered, looking embarrassed.
âAhâŚâ you laughed, miming zipping your mouth shut, locking it, and throwing away the key. âI wonât tell anyone if you wonât, remember, I was crying too.â
He shrugged, cringing while he was at it, âNot the same. I think women get a bit more freedom when it comes to crying.â
âWell, I think real men donât have a problem crying when they need to. Itâs healthy. But I get what you mean. I wonât tell a soul. I promise.â
He nodded, mouthing thank you, complete with his hands clasped together in front of his chest.
You gave him a slight bow in return, that smile still on your lips.
Joel got back in his truck and drove to the store with a smile. He went into his workshop and folded his sleeves up to get back to work, stopping just before he started, facepalming himself.
Damn it, he forgot to ask you your name.
âSarah!â he called out, waving his arm like a deranged person from outside the gate.
He heaved such a huge sigh of relief when he saw her come running out, glad she wasnât taking her own sweet time. The past ten minutes waiting in the yard with the other parents â correction â moms, was hell on earth for him.
How was it that he was the only dad picking up their children from school? Do the other dads not give a shit? He knew for a fact that even if Daisy was still alive he would have taken the day off to commemorate this special day rather than have her do the pick up alone.
Didnât help that the moms were eyeing him in a way that made his skin crawl. How was that okay? If a man looked at a woman like that theyâd be branded a pervert.
âDaddy!â Sarah came running out, her bag bouncing off her back, her water bottle swinging off her hand and the paper bag full of food he had given her flapping madly from one handle by its side.
He tried to pick her up to hug her, the girl squealing, not in a good way, and slid away from him. She wouldnât even let him take her hand to hold while walking across the car park.
Okay then, he thought, maybe she was embarrassed, lots of people there. He tried not to get emotional, but it might have been the hardest thing he had ever done. Â
âDid you have fun in school?â
Sarah nodded. âI made a friend. Her name is Ellie. She lives at the ceremony.â
âCeremony? Where is this Ceremony? Is it near here? I havenât heard of this Ceremony place.â
âNo, Daddy, you know the ceremony, we go there all the time,â Sarah sighed, sounding exasperated as she wrestled his hands away, buckling herself into the car seat herself. âThe ceremony, where Mommy is.â
âThe cemetery?â he asked, rather distracted, looking around the parking lot for your car. He hadnât seen you so far.
âYes, the ceremonytery.â
Joel turned around, forgetting about you momentarily. âShe lives at the cemetery?â
âYes. With her Mama.â
Joelâs head went cold. He had read about this, he feared this. Children like Sarah, ones who didnât socialize with other children too much, often had imaginary friends. He had wondered if Sarah would eventually have one. He lost count of the amount of times he had hidden behind walls whenever he heard Sarah talk to herself when playing, wondering if it had finally happened.
Of course, there was the strong possibility that his precious little girl had actually met someone at school who lived near the cemetery.
âYou mean, near the cemetery? Like down the road from the cemetery area?â
âNo, Daddy, she lives at the cemetery. With her Mama. Her Papa died too.â
Too? Her Papa died too? As in her Mama died, she died, and her Papa died too?
Oh God. This was worse than he thought.
His precious Baby Girl has a little girl ghost as an imaginary friend.
âDaddy! Ellie! Ellie is here! Hi Ellie!â Sarah excitedly cried, looking to her right, waving her hand rigorously.
All the hair on his body stood on end.
What the actual fuck. Thereâs a little girl ghost imaginary friend in his truck right now?
Uh⌠okay, okay. What would a good parent do?
Be supportive of your little girlâs little girl ghost imaginary friend, right? Make little girl ghost imaginary friend feel welcome?
He took his seatbelt off and turned his body around, looking directly at the empty seat next to his daughter.
âHello, EllieâŚâ he hesitated, giving the empty space a reluctant smile. âItâs really nice to meet you. Iâm Sarahâs Daddy, you can call me Uncle Joel,â he said, holding his hand out for the little girl ghost imaginary friend to shake. He shook his hand a little mid-air, his thumb and pointer finger pinched together as if grasping a little girlâs tiny hand. And then, feeling proud of himself at accepting his little girlâs little girl ghost imaginary friend, he looked at Sarah, a smug smile on his face.
Sarah was looking at him as if he had three heads.
âWho are you talking to?â she asked, looking a bit weirded out.
âYour friend, Ellie!â
âDaddy, sheâs outside, with her Mama.â
He turned to see, and his heart almost stopped.
Both with relief and excitement.
For one, there was a little girl and her Mama outside, two empty parking spaces over from his truck, the Mama getting the little girl in her own car seat, the little girl waving at Sarah.
So, Ellie was real. A real little girl, not a little girl ghost imaginary friend.
Phew.
Two, the Mama was you.
Before he could stop himself, he had unbuckled and left the cab of his truck, going around to greet you. But when he got to you, he found himself tongue-tied, unable to even make his presence known. He just stood there as you buckled your daughter in.
âMama,â Ellie said, warning you of his presence.
You turned around and saw him, hands in his pockets, shoulders up to his ears.
âHey, bread knife guy. Sawing guy,â you greeted.
His ears turned pink, a huge grin on his face. âIâm Joel,â he flustered, holding his hand out.
âAnna,â you said, taking his hand and shaking it.
âHi Ellie!â Sarah appeared out of nowhere. Wait, when did she get out of the truck?
âHi,â Ellie greeted, looking shy.
âThis is my daughter Sarah, she said she knew Ellie,â Joel told you.
âOh,â you squatted in front of her, âNice to see you again Sarah. Ellie told me all about you,â you said. âIâm Ellieâs Mama. You can call me Annie.â
Joel smiled at Ellie, and the little girl smiled back.
âSo,â Joel said as Sarah went around you to talk to Ellie, checking out her car seat, âOur daughters are friend, huh?â
âSat next to each other in class, I met her this morning, you know, before the waterworks started.â You put your hand next to your mouth and added conspiratorially, âI waited for the privacy of the parking lot for that,â you winked cheekily.
He laughed, nodding.
âUhm, this may be a bit weird, but Sarah told me you live at the cemetery?â
âOh,â you laughed, âSort of. Itâs a walk, but technically, yeah. I live in the area.â
âAh,â Joel said, âI just needed to check. Canât believe a five year oldâs claims, you know? Mine gets lost in translation a lot. She doesnât have many friends,â he explained. âItâs why I wanted to meet Ellie, itâs a long story.â
âWell, Sarah is more than welcome, weâre new here. We just moved here last week. So Ellie doesnât have many friends.â
âHello,â a friendly voice interrupted. Tess appeared, Daniel in tow, looking to be in less of a good mood. Joel gave her a peck on the cheek, giving Daniel a fist to bump, which the sulking boy ignored. Joel retracted his hand understandingly, rubbing his head instead, which the boy squirmed away from.
Okay then. Moody boy.
âAnna, this is my sister in law, Tess, and her son, Daniel,â he introduced. âTess is a teacher here.â
âAnnie, please. Nice to meet you, Tess. Hi Daniel,â you greeted, shaking Tessâs hand, waving to Daniel with the other hand.
Tess waved hi to Sarah and Ellie. The little girls gave her a shy smile back.
âMom, come on⌠I want to go see Dad,â Daniel whined.
âOkay honey, weâre going,â Tess sighed, rolling her eyes a little, looking at you and Joel for understanding, which she received. âSee you guys around. You want me to take Sarah? You going back to work?â she asked Joel.
âNo, I want to go with Daddy, Dina promised me ice cream,â Sarah interrupted before Joel could form a thought.
âOkay then, Iâll see you tomorrow, okay?â Tess said, holding her hand out for Sarah to high five. She waved to you and Joel and left, Daniel pulling her by her jacket.
âHer husband passed away a month ago, car accident,â Joel told you. âDaniel wanted to go visit, tell his Dad about his first day of school.â
âOh, Iâm sorry to hear that,â you sympathised. âWell, I wish I could stay and chat, get to know Sarah better, but I need to get going, Iâm still on the clock,â you excused yourself.
âOf course, so am I, technically. Iâll see you around,â Joel said, taking Sarah by the hand. She pulled away.
âBye Ellie!â Sarah waved as you drove away. âI like Ellie. Sheâs a lot of fun!â she told her Daddy, letting him pick her up to put in her car seat, but still insisted on buckling herself in.
âThatâs great, Baby Girl,â Joel sighed in relief as he put the truck into gear, relieved that Ellie was real, happy that he had an excuse to see you again if Sarah was this excited about Ellie.
Good parents become good friends if their children are good friends, right?
He kissed Sarah one more time before covering her little body with her blanket. She was growing far too quickly for his liking. Making decisions on her own now, going by the events of today.
Stall the growing up, Baby Girl, I canât let you go yet. Please.
He didnât want to admit it, but Sarah was acting a bit out of character since coming back from school. He was hoping it was excitement, but he couldnât stop wondering.
She refused to let him fuss over her at all. He had to stop and take deep breaths when she still wouldnât let him take her hand when walking. She kept her jacket on once she got to the store, even when she went into his office and settled on his desk to colour, even when she started sweating. He tried three times, but she didnât relent. He had opened his mouth to try the fourth time, but she put her pointer finger up at him, the way he did when he wanted her to behave and be quiet.
Okay then.
When they finally got home, she wouldnât let him help her shower, wouldnât even let him choose her pyjama that night. She wanted to choose one herself. She literally shut the door to her room on his face when he tried to go after her to help her undress. No Daddy, no. I can do myself. She picked a long-sleeved set with butterflies all over them, which surprised him. She didnât really like wearing long sleeves for sleeping. He often had to coax her into wearing one during winter, and now she had gone and worn a pair on her own volition.
He did, however, get the opportunity to tuck Sarah in, thankful that she at least didnât fight him on that, though it was not from the lack of effort on her part. She was practically passed out from exhaustion.
Thatâs what the other odd thing.
His daughter came home hungry.
She had gobbled up the ice cream Dina had bought her in no time at all and kept asking for snacks to eat at the store. And at dinner, she had two of her usual serving of mac and cheese. So she was really hungry, which was suspicious. The paper bag full of lunch was empty when she gave it back to him, so she had eaten lunch and the many, many, many snacks he had supplied her, so why was she still so hungry?
Joel didnât know if he should be concerned or happy. On the one hand, he was happy that she wasnât stressed on her first day of school and had the appetite to eat. He was often worried about her eating habits, their meals together more like an exhausting attempt from him to get her to eat any food at all. Knowing how hungry she turned out to be, heâs glad that he made sure there was enough food in her lunch pack. He shuddered at the thought of her going hungry if he hadnât.
On the other hand, he worried that his daughter might be eating a bit too much as well? Tess wasnât wrong, he knew he went overboard. That was a lot of food for her. He was just worried for her, giving her that much food was a way for him to gauge how much food he should give her. In his mind, seeing what was left would tell him how much to give her tomorrow.
But she finished all her food and was still starving.
Maybe she shared with Ellie, Daniel and her other classmates?
Maybe a different meal would be better. Instead of snacks and sandwiches and Lunchables, maybe he should give her a proper, filling meal? There was still some mac and cheese leftover from dinner, maybe he could give her those for tomorrow?
But cold mac and cheese? Not Sarahâs favourite. Even if he warmed it up before packing it, it would be cold before Sarah had the chance to eat it, wouldnât it? That girl was picky. No cold meals, but no room temperature fruits and drinks. God, everything would be warm or cold by the time she has them.
Sarah hates warm fruits. He always stored them in the fridge because she wouldnât eat them if they were room temperature. He had to figure out how he could keep the food cold or warm as needed.
He cleaned the kitchen, getting the fruits for Sarahâs snacks the next day ready. He got the oranges sliced up, taking the peels off so it was easier for her to eat, cut up the grapes into smaller pieces so she wouldnât choke on them. He washed the berries he got and put them in the Ziploc bags. Crackers and pretzels instead of cereals, peach yoghurt, jerky sticks, Jell-O cups (different flavoured than todays, of course), mixed nuts, juice boxes, all go into separate bags, ready for him to just toss into the bag for tomorrow. He realized by this point that Ziploc bags wouldnât do in the long run. Heâd be buying them out his nose at this point.
Surely, you would have a solution for that, right?
Maybe he should go back to the store to get one of those thermal containers. And if he gets overwhelmed, maybe you would help him. He wouldnât come off as being forward or anything, right? He would just be a customer needing help. And you would be doing your job. It wasnât as if he would be going to the store for the sole purpose of looking for you or anything. Of course not. What a crazy idea.
Plus, your daughters are friends. It would make sense for the two of you to be friends too, right? Right?
Anna. Annie. He liked that name on you. He looked forward to calling you by your name tomorrow. If, and only if, he needed your assistance, or if you happened to be around the area, obviously. He would never go looking for you in that huge store. Of course he wouldnât. That would be crazy. And creepy. He wouldnât want to be that guy.
But this predicament he was in was the perfect opportunity to see you alone once more. Not that he was thinking about being alone with you or anything.
In the meantime, Ziploc bags and whatever containers he could lay his hands on would have to suffice.
He scoured his kitchen for disposable food containers for the mac and cheese, which would have to do for tomorrow, found one and washed it. Lunchables would have to suffice for tomorrow, that, and maybe a couple toasts with Nutella. He even filled up her water bottle so he wouldnât have to do them the next morning.
He tried watching a show before bedtime, but found himself unable to focus, thinking about Sarahâs lunch packs. The girl hated repeats. He would have to think of a better system to make sure he got her a variety of foods, especially if she was going to eat up a storm like this every day.
Sheâs a growing girl. Boys eat a lot growing up, right? Nothing wrong with a girl eating quite a bit too.
He went to check on her one more time before bed, the little girl now splayed across her bed, her blanket half on the floor, her favourite butterfly plushie off the bed completely. He corrected her position, worried she might fall off, covering her with the blanket once more. He picked up the plushie and took her little arms to wrap around it, the sleeves of her pyjama now up to her elbows. He lifted her arm to put it back.
Wait.
Even in the dim nightlight, he could clearly see there was a noticeable bruise on her right forearm.
What?
That wasnât there that morning.
He ran his finger over it. It was huge. About the width of two of his fingers, maybe two inches long. Â
Could she have banged her arm on something? What could she have banged it on to produce a bruise that size?
His whole body went cold.
Did someone do this to his little girl? Did someone hit his Baby Girl?
He felt as if his body temperature had shot up to the sky, his heckles raised, his fangs bared.
Did someone hurt his Sarah? Who?
Oh⌠that person was going to get it from him.
Was it Miss Lydia? If it was, she will be fired beyond recognition. He would make sure of it.
Was it another child? That child would never know a peaceful life without a stern talking to from him. And their parents would know what happens to bad parents who couldnât control their children. He would make sure of it.
No one should play with Joel Miller when it came to Sarah.
They went camping once with Tommy and Tess and Eddie. A mosquito dared bite Sarah, and he spent minutes chasing that blasted creature, finally smacking it against the wall of the tent. Unsatisfied that the thing was flattened to death, he took it out between his fingers and burnt it in the campfire, a small, satisfied smile playing on his lips. But that wasnât enough. He immediately stomped off to the store for bug spray, sprayed his tent to infinity and beyond to make sure no other mosquito dared drink from his little girl, even placing mosquito patches on the poor little girl as double protection.
If he finds out who had hurt his little girl? That person will pay. They will regret ever breathing in the same vicinity as his Sarah. Â
He would go scorched earth for his Baby Girl. Yes he would. And no one can stop him. He would die before he lets someone lay a hand on his little girl. And whoever this person was, the one responsible for this horrendous bruise on his Sarahâs arm, they will pay.
Joel Miller was doing the best he can as a single dad, relying on his 'village' to raise his little girl after the sudden death of his wife. All was fine until his BabyGirl came home from her first day of school with a bruise on her arm, courtesy of the new girl in school.
WARNINGS: Enemy to Lovers, Secrets, Misunderstanding, Jealousy, Fluff, Pining, Loneliness, Helicopter Parenting, OverProtective Dad, More to add as story moves on.
MASTER LIST
Part 1
Disclaimer - I don't beta my work, and English is not my first language, so sorry if there are errors.
Joel didnât think anyone was there after him. He had thought the car next to his truck was a teachers. He felt so embarrassed that she saw him cry, though she was crying herself, it seemed. He had smiled at her, a sad, understanding smile that only a parent in his predicament could give another.
And she gave one equally sad, understanding smile right back at him.
If he had to guess, it was her childâs first day of school too.
See? Thereâs nothing to be embarrassed about, lots of parents felt sad on their childrenâs first day of school. So he wasnât exactly alone, nor was he dramatic.
He watched as the lady got in her car, took a deep breath, wiped her face and drove off.
He started his truck up to leave too, a smile suddenly appearing on his lips. The small, sad, reciprocating smile the lady gave him didnât leave his mind. Still kind and understanding despite her own sadness. He really should find her later, thank her for seemingly understanding his situation.
Maybe beg her to not blab to the other moms about him crying like a little girl in his truck.
Finding out what her name was wouldnât be a bad idea either.
Wait, who said that?
âHey Daze,â Joel greeted, swiping the newly fallen leaves off his wifeâs headstone. He was there just the day before with Sarah, and already the leaves were starting to cover her grave. Fall was definitely coming. His eyes fell to the base of the headstone, noticing the handful of daisies in the vase. He looked around, looking for anyone that might have been there before him, but saw no one.
He was there less than 24 hours ago. Itâs not even 10am yet. There was no flowers in the vase when he left yesterday. He had never left her flowers. She hated it when he bought her flowers. He wasnât exactly flush with money when they started dating, and she chastised him for buying her flowers for their first date, telling him it was a waste of money. Tommy wasnât in town, Tess just told him that she wasnât visiting until today, so it couldnât have been them. They never left her flowers, even if they visited.
So, who left the flowers?
Ignore it, youâre here to tell your late wife about your daughterâs first day of school, he told himself.
He rearranged the flowers, swiping more leaves off her gravestone, running his pointer finger through the petals, admiring them before he could help himself.
âYou have an admirer, it seems,â he joked. âShould I be jealous?â he laughed. âAnywayâŚâ he sighed.
Images of the crying lady he just saw at the school flashed in his mind.
What the fuck was that? You were at your wifeâs headstone, Joel Miller.
He was just emotional, is all. He related to her. She seemed sad to leave her child too, just like he was. Itâs nothing to feel guilty over. It was innocent.
âI just dropped our daughter at school. You should have seen how brave she was, Daze. She didnât cry at all. In fact, she was the one who coaxed me,â he laughed. âYouâd be so proud of her honey, shot out the door this morning before I finish cutting her sandwich crust off! She definitely didnât get that from me, I hated school. So, this is all you, honey, sheâs gonna grow up smart like you, thank God.â
He fell silent for a while.
âI canât even⌠you have no idea how much I wish you were here today. Iâm scared honey. Sheâs growing up so fast. I donât know if I can do thisâŚâ he said, his fingers picking up stray leaves and the off grass off the ground.
He was quiet for a beat, as if listening to someone. He huffed, rolling his eyes.
âDonât you start about that now. Tommy already gave me enough grief about that. You know he tried to introduce me to yet another one of his rejects? Sandy something. Or was it Samantha? I donât know⌠I just⌠I canât⌠I donât have the mental capacity for it anymore, honey. You know me. I donât do these things. You had to do it for me back then, remember? You decided to ask me out, you proposed to me, I just did what you wanted honey, I donât⌠I donât know how to⌠I just keep thinking â what if theyâre mean to Sarah? Sheâs all I have in my mind right now. I donât know. Iâm not thinking about it.â
It was true. He was too busy â his parents passed when Tommy was 16. He took over, didnât go to college, not that he was ever clever enough to go, got a job, and focused on getting his brother through life. He wasnât thinking about himself. Even when he saw Daisy for the first time at the diner where she worked, despite feeling as if he was electrocuted, he didnât do anything. Flustered so badly he kept dripping coffee all over his front whenever she talked to him. She finally put a stop to his clumsy attempts to show her how much he liked her by pouring herself a cup of coffee and sitting directly across from him and promptly declared they were on their first date. And he hadnât looked at another since.
Five years. Sarah had gone to school, and he still hadnât been on a proper date. He had a one night stand with someone he met at a bar maybe three years ago, but he lay there in bed after, feeling so empty and guilty he just wanted to leave. And of course, he felt worse when he did. He didnât even leave her his number. Just disappeared and never went back to that bar.
He didnât have any connection with her at all. It was just sex, nothing like what he had with Daisy. People kept telling him that he should open his heart for another, Sarah was too young, she needed a mother figure. But even when thinking about his little girl, he couldnât do it.
He was simply not ready.
Eddie, his late brother in law had asked him over for dinner many times, him and Tess attempting to fix him up with this lady and that, the poor lady always ended up feeling hurt and annoyed by the time dinner was over. âThis was what Daze would have wanted for you, for Sarah,â Eddie had said, but he simply hugged his brother in law good night and left.
Tommy, on the other hand, was just interested in getting him laid. Simply because he was too grumpy to be around anymore. âMaybe if you take the edge off, youâd be in a better mood,â he had jested. âAt least do it manually. When was the last time you did that?â
Joel wanted to punch his brother. Sarah sleeps next door to him. He wasnât going to do that with Sarah next door. And he never locks his door at night, in case Sarah had a nightmare. He never locked the bathroom door either when he showered, in case Sarah needed him. What if she walked in? No⌠it was not worth the risk. And he was never, ever going to let Sarah have a sleepover at Tessâs or Tommyâs dingy bachelorâs pad.
So, no. No more women for him. Not until Sarah leaves for college. That, or until she meets a man and gets married, which, if things go according to his plan, wonât be until sheâs 50.
âAnyway⌠I just wanted to come by and let you know how today went. Tried talking to you in my backyard like Tess suggested, but itâs just weird. Talking to you here feels more⌠purposeful, you know? At least I know you are here. Iâll come back tomorrow and tell you about the after school news.â
He stood up, picking up his jacket from the ground. âLove you honey. See you tomorrow,â he pressed his fingers to his lips, pressing them to her name on the headstone, his eyes on the daisies. âAnd tell you secret admirer you have a husband, okay? No hanky-panky!â he joked, before turning around and leaving.
He doesnât cry for her anymore. He was all cried out the day he put her in the ground, that, and all the nights since that he cried himself to sleep in the year that followed, especially when he got overwhelmed. He found it frustrating, but he simply couldnât. It wasnât as if she could do anything about it. And knowing her, she wouldnât want him to waste his tears on her. He had Sarah to worry about now.
After a lot of Googling and arguing with Dina (who did the Googling for him), it turned out all he needed to cut the crusts of a sandwich without squishing the bread was a knife. Not just any knife, a serrated knife, it seemed. He didnât even know there was such a thing as a bread knife.
Sigh⌠yet one more thing he was lacking in the parental department.
So there he was, staring at knives at the local chain superstore, wondering how his life had come to this â standing in the kitchen aisle of a store, looking at knives to cut off the crusts off his daughterâs sandwiches.
Why were there so many different bread knives? He didnât even know these existed, and now suddenly there were so many to choose from? There were simple ones, fancy ones, cheap ones, expensive ones.
Holy shit.
He didnât know some knives could cost that much. Do the more expensive ones mean better sandwiches? Do the sandwiches make themselves? Would he still have to buy the ingredients or would the knives procure them out of thin air?
He must have been so obviously stumped. Someone with a cart full of boxes approached him and asked if he needed any help.
Hey, itâs you. That lady from the parking lot. The one who was crying, just like he was.
âYou okay, sir? You need any help?â
Joel found himself staring at you instead of the knives. Now that you were right in front of him, without the smeared glass that was his window and the tears in his eyes blurring his sight, your features struck him like lightning. Your skin, your eyes, your hair, your lips.
He found his tongue swollen, constricting his vocal cords. His face got all hot, he was pretty sure he had started sweating, all for no reason whatsoever.
The heck?
âSir?â
âAre you okay?â he dumbly asked.
You were startled by his question. âIâm sorry?â
Joel suddenly realized how dumb his question was. âSorry, I saw you this morning, in the parking lot, at school. Are you okay?â
Oh.
âYou were the man in the truck next to me,â you scratched your forehead, feeling embarrassed. âSorry, I didnât recognize you. I was too busy being a big baby,â you awkwardly joked.
He gave a small laugh. âI feel you. Was being one myself.â He was suddenly reminded that he himself was sobbing his heart out in his truck when he saw you. There might have even been a chance that he was crying a lot harder than you were.
Crap, you saw him sob his heart out.
The one time he found a woman attractive in five years, and she had seen him cry.
You must think him a wuss.
Wait, who said that?
He didnât find you attractive. Pfft. He must be out of his mind still from leaving Sarah at school this morning.
You smiled at him, and his heart almost stopped beating. Damn it, you were gorgeous. Maybe not in the drop-dead, supermodel way, but there was something about you. In your uniform, your hair just above your shoulder, very little make up, but still... striking.
âFirst day of school?â
âYeah,â he said, scratching his head.
What do you do with your hands when you talk to someone? What did he normally do? Why were his hands hanging by his side like some limp noodles? Could he still feel them?
He finally found the wherewithal to put his hands in his pockets, his shoulders rising to his ears from his own awkwardness.
You nodded, âSo, can I help you with something? Youâre looking for knives?â
âUh, yes. A bread knife,â he said, taking his hands out of his pockets and crossing them on his chest. Wait, you might find him rude or think he was bored. He uncrossed them and placed them on his hips. Same thing.
Fuck, what do you do with your hands?
âWell, do you have a specific one in mind?â
Oh thank God, he didnât think he could survive another awkward moment. This was good. Talking is good. Questions are good. He wouldnât focus on his hands so much.
âJust, anything that could cut the crusts off a sandwich and not end up squishing the bread,â he said, his hands still hanging limply by his sides.
âOh, any of these will do,â you said. âDo you have a budget?â
âUh, not really, does it matter?â
âNot really. They should cut bread the same way,â you answered, taking the cheapest one off the shelf. âIn fact, the more expensive the knives, the more care they need.â
âAh,â he said, smiling, his hand taking the knife from you, suddenly functioning normally again. He studied the knife, âSo, just cut the bread the way you would with the usual knife?â
âNo, you saw the bread. Itâs why theyâre serrated. Like you would when youâre sawing wood.â
âWell, I know a little something about that,â he huffed a small laugh, immediately cringing when he saw the confused look on your face. âIâm⌠Iâm a contractor. And a carpenter. Part time, but you know, I saw things a lot.â
You gave him a slow nod, looking a bit awkward now.
âI mean wood, I saw wood. Not⌠people, or anything weird.â
Stop talking.
âLike, actual wood, from a tree?â
Oh my God, stop talking! Just take the damned knife and go pay!
You gave him another nod, an awkward smile on your lips.
Damn, even in the awkward situation you found yourself to be in, your smile made his heart skip a beat. What the heck was going on?
âSo youâre okay? Youâve decided?â
âTo keep my daughter in school?â he laughed, âI kinda have to, I am not the brightest. I have to let her go to school if sheâs ever going to have a chance,â he said.
You looked stumped.
âI mean, with the knife, youâre gonna get that one?â
Oh.
âUh⌠yeah, thank you for your help.â
Your smile returned, and you just like that, you turned your cart around and went on your way.
Joel found a pillar in the middle of the store and banged his head on it.
What the fuck was that? What happened?
God, he was being creepy, wasnât he? Who talks about sawing stuff off to someone they had never met? And why on earth was he correcting himself talking about sawing wood instead of people as if you had such morbid thoughts in the first place?
He wandered around the store for a while, picking up some berries and mini pretzels for Sarahâs lunch the next day, just for the sake of variety. He got stopped by the lady who was promoting some sort of luncheon meat at him, the woman smiling a bit too much, her eyelashes batting unnecessarily at him.
He never got why women did that with him. He didnât even brush his hair that morning, and all the confused and impatient hair clutching he did while listening to Dina tell him about the different types of knives couldnât have helped with the situation.
Daisy used to tease him about that. He would have conversations with women all the time, never once thinking they had ulterior motives. Despite his own crush on his late wife, he didnât realize she was flirting with him up until she instigated that first date, apparently much to the chagrin of the other waitresses.
After a few more rounds of such smiles and eyelash battings from the ladies in the produce section and the check out, Joel walked out of the store with a realisation.
You didnât do that. There was no eyelash batting or flirty smile from you.
For whatever reason, that realisation made his mood sour a little.
As he was about to start his truck, his eyes wandered around momentarily, glancing at the picnic tables by the play area. Sarah liked playing there, it was basically a weekly ritual â 30 minutes of grocery shopping, 30 minutes of play time for the little queen. Tit for tat. She sat still while he shopped, so he had to sit still while she played.
But that wasnât what he was thinking about when his eyes fell on the table he usually sits at as Sarah played.
You were sitting there, having a sandwich.
Before he could stop himself, he had turned his engine off and slammed the door behind him, walking towards you.
âHi,â he greeted, surprising himself that he actually talked to a woman without someone nudging him to, praying to God you wouldnât flinch from the creepy man who talked about sawing needlessly.
Thankfully, you didnât. You simply smiled, âHey, buyers remorse already? Are you returning the knife?â
Joel found himself so thankful that you didnât flinch or run screaming, he couldnât help but laugh out loud at your little joke.
âSad little tomatoes and cheese sandwich?â you offered, pushing your little Tupperware at him.
He raised his hand in a polite decline.
âUh, I actually just wanted to stop by to thank you, for helping me with the knife,â he said, telling you the real reason he went to see you. âMay I sit?â
You nodded, mouth full of sandwich.
He sat down, hands still awkwardly in his pockets. âIâm sorry if I came off as creepy,â he said.
You frowned at him, cocking your head a little, confused.
âJust now, talking about saws and wood and bodies⌠I just⌠I donât know what brought that on. I usually donât talk to people, I hope I didnât scare you,â he defended himself.
Ah, you nodded, seemingly understanding.
âIn my defence, I have forgotten how to talk to adults since my daughter was born,â he said, looking sheepish.
âOh,â you said, placing your sandwich on the Tupperware cover, âI hear that,â you took a drink from your water bottle. âSomeone was telling me about some actor she found to be hot the other day, and I kept thinking â was he in Bluey or Peppa Pig? Thatâs all that was playing in my household!â
He laughed, nodding, completely understanding what you were talking about.
âAnyway, donât worry about it. I didnât find you creepy. Maybe a little odd, but not creepy. Definitely not creepy,â you assured him, picking up your sandwich again.
Joel couldnât help but take a gander at your ring finger.
No ring, his heart rejoiced. Thereâs a ring line, though. New enough to be noticeable. So, unless you took it off to eat, maybe youâre a single mom? His left thumb absentmindedly scratched the pad of his left ring finger a few times without him realizing it.
âThank you,â he said, relieved. âWell, Iâll leave you then, let you have your lunch,â he got up. âMaybe Iâll see you around at pick up later.â
You nodded, giving him another smile, your mouth still full of sandwiches.
He nodded back, whispering another thank you, and began to walk away.
âOh, I almost forgot,â he said, turning back. âI would really appreciate it if we could keep what you saw in my truck this morning our little secret?â
Again, you looked confused.
âMe, crying like a little girl,â he whispered, looking embarrassed.
âAhâŚâ you laughed, miming zipping your mouth shut, locking it, and throwing away the key. âI wonât tell anyone if you wonât, remember, I was crying too.â
He shrugged, cringing while he was at it, âNot the same. I think women get a bit more freedom when it comes to crying.â
âWell, I think real men donât have a problem crying when they need to. Itâs healthy. But I get what you mean. I wonât tell a soul. I promise.â
He nodded, mouthing thank you, complete with his hands clasped together in front of his chest.
You gave him a slight bow in return, that smile still on your lips.
Joel got back in his truck and drove to the store with a smile. He went into his workshop and folded his sleeves up to get back to work, stopping just before he started, facepalming himself.
Damn it, he forgot to ask you your name.
âSarah!â he called out, waving his arm like a deranged person from outside the gate.
He heaved such a huge sigh of relief when he saw her come running out, glad she wasnât taking her own sweet time. The past ten minutes waiting in the yard with the other parents â correction â moms, was hell on earth for him.
How was it that he was the only dad picking up their children from school? Do the other dads not give a shit? He knew for a fact that even if Daisy was still alive he would have taken the day off to commemorate this special day rather than have her do the pick up alone.
Didnât help that the moms were eyeing him in a way that made his skin crawl. How was that okay? If a man looked at a woman like that theyâd be branded a pervert.
âDaddy!â Sarah came running out, her bag bouncing off her back, her water bottle swinging off her hand and the paper bag full of food he had given her flapping madly from one handle by its side.
He tried to pick her up to hug her, the girl squealing, not in a good way, and slid away from him. She wouldnât even let him take her hand to hold while walking across the car park.
Okay then, he thought, maybe she was embarrassed, lots of people there. He tried not to get emotional, but it might have been the hardest thing he had ever done. Â
âDid you have fun in school?â
Sarah nodded. âI made a friend. Her name is Ellie. She lives at the ceremony.â
âCeremony? Where is this Ceremony? Is it near here? I havenât heard of this Ceremony place.â
âNo, Daddy, you know the ceremony, we go there all the time,â Sarah sighed, sounding exasperated as she wrestled his hands away, buckling herself into the car seat herself. âThe ceremony, where Mommy is.â
âThe cemetery?â he asked, rather distracted, looking around the parking lot for your car. He hadnât seen you so far.
âYes, the ceremonytery.â
Joel turned around, forgetting about you momentarily. âShe lives at the cemetery?â
âYes. With her Mama.â
Joelâs head went cold. He had read about this, he feared this. Children like Sarah, ones who didnât socialize with other children too much, often had imaginary friends. He had wondered if Sarah would eventually have one. He lost count of the amount of times he had hidden behind walls whenever he heard Sarah talk to herself when playing, wondering if it had finally happened.
Of course, there was the strong possibility that his precious little girl had actually met someone at school who lived near the cemetery.
âYou mean, near the cemetery? Like down the road from the cemetery area?â
âNo, Daddy, she lives at the cemetery. With her Mama. Her Papa died too.â
Too? Her Papa died too? As in her Mama died, she died, and her Papa died too?
Oh God. This was worse than he thought.
His precious Baby Girl has a little girl ghost as an imaginary friend.
âDaddy! Ellie! Ellie is here! Hi Ellie!â Sarah excitedly cried, looking to her right, waving her hand rigorously.
All the hair on his body stood on end.
What the actual fuck. Thereâs a little girl ghost imaginary friend in his truck right now?
Uh⌠okay, okay. What would a good parent do?
Be supportive of your little girlâs little girl ghost imaginary friend, right? Make little girl ghost imaginary friend feel welcome?
He took his seatbelt off and turned his body around, looking directly at the empty seat next to his daughter.
âHello, EllieâŚâ he hesitated, giving the empty space a reluctant smile. âItâs really nice to meet you. Iâm Sarahâs Daddy, you can call me Uncle Joel,â he said, holding his hand out for the little girl ghost imaginary friend to shake. He shook his hand a little mid-air, his thumb and pointer finger pinched together as if grasping a little girlâs tiny hand. And then, feeling proud of himself at accepting his little girlâs little girl ghost imaginary friend, he looked at Sarah, a smug smile on his face.
Sarah was looking at him as if he had three heads.
âWho are you talking to?â she asked, looking a bit weirded out.
âYour friend, Ellie!â
âDaddy, sheâs outside, with her Mama.â
He turned to see, and his heart almost stopped.
Both with relief and excitement.
For one, there was a little girl and her Mama outside, two empty parking spaces over from his truck, the Mama getting the little girl in her own car seat, the little girl waving at Sarah.
So, Ellie was real. A real little girl, not a little girl ghost imaginary friend.
Phew.
Two, the Mama was you.
Before he could stop himself, he had unbuckled and left the cab of his truck, going around to greet you. But when he got to you, he found himself tongue-tied, unable to even make his presence known. He just stood there as you buckled your daughter in.
âMama,â Ellie said, warning you of his presence.
You turned around and saw him, hands in his pockets, shoulders up to his ears.
âHey, bread knife guy. Sawing guy,â you greeted.
His ears turned pink, a huge grin on his face. âIâm Joel,â he flustered, holding his hand out.
âAnna,â you said, taking his hand and shaking it.
âHi Ellie!â Sarah appeared out of nowhere. Wait, when did she get out of the truck?
âHi,â Ellie greeted, looking shy.
âThis is my daughter Sarah, she said she knew Ellie,â Joel told you.
âOh,â you squatted in front of her, âNice to see you again Sarah. Ellie told me all about you,â you said. âIâm Ellieâs Mama. You can call me Annie.â
Joel smiled at Ellie, and the little girl smiled back.
âSo,â Joel said as Sarah went around you to talk to Ellie, checking out her car seat, âOur daughters are friend, huh?â
âSat next to each other in class, I met her this morning, you know, before the waterworks started.â You put your hand next to your mouth and added conspiratorially, âI waited for the privacy of the parking lot for that,â you winked cheekily.
He laughed, nodding.
âUhm, this may be a bit weird, but Sarah told me you live at the cemetery?â
âOh,â you laughed, âSort of. Itâs a walk, but technically, yeah. I live in the area.â
âAh,â Joel said, âI just needed to check. Canât believe a five year oldâs claims, you know? Mine gets lost in translation a lot. She doesnât have many friends,â he explained. âItâs why I wanted to meet Ellie, itâs a long story.â
âWell, Sarah is more than welcome, weâre new here. We just moved here last week. So Ellie doesnât have many friends.â
âHello,â a friendly voice interrupted. Tess appeared, Daniel in tow, looking to be in less of a good mood. Joel gave her a peck on the cheek, giving Daniel a fist to bump, which the sulking boy ignored. Joel retracted his hand understandingly, rubbing his head instead, which the boy squirmed away from.
Okay then. Moody boy.
âAnna, this is my sister in law, Tess, and her son, Daniel,â he introduced. âTess is a teacher here.â
âAnnie, please. Nice to meet you, Tess. Hi Daniel,â you greeted, shaking Tessâs hand, waving to Daniel with the other hand.
Tess waved hi to Sarah and Ellie. The little girls gave her a shy smile back.
âMom, come on⌠I want to go see Dad,â Daniel whined.
âOkay honey, weâre going,â Tess sighed, rolling her eyes a little, looking at you and Joel for understanding, which she received. âSee you guys around. You want me to take Sarah? You going back to work?â she asked Joel.
âNo, I want to go with Daddy, Dina promised me ice cream,â Sarah interrupted before Joel could form a thought.
âOkay then, Iâll see you tomorrow, okay?â Tess said, holding her hand out for Sarah to high five. She waved to you and Joel and left, Daniel pulling her by her jacket.
âHer husband passed away a month ago, car accident,â Joel told you. âDaniel wanted to go visit, tell his Dad about his first day of school.â
âOh, Iâm sorry to hear that,â you sympathised. âWell, I wish I could stay and chat, get to know Sarah better, but I need to get going, Iâm still on the clock,â you excused yourself.
âOf course, so am I, technically. Iâll see you around,â Joel said, taking Sarah by the hand. She pulled away.
âBye Ellie!â Sarah waved as you drove away. âI like Ellie. Sheâs a lot of fun!â she told her Daddy, letting him pick her up to put in her car seat, but still insisted on buckling herself in.
âThatâs great, Baby Girl,â Joel sighed in relief as he put the truck into gear, relieved that Ellie was real, happy that he had an excuse to see you again if Sarah was this excited about Ellie.
Good parents become good friends if their children are good friends, right?
He kissed Sarah one more time before covering her little body with her blanket. She was growing far too quickly for his liking. Making decisions on her own now, going by the events of today.
Stall the growing up, Baby Girl, I canât let you go yet. Please.
He didnât want to admit it, but Sarah was acting a bit out of character since coming back from school. He was hoping it was excitement, but he couldnât stop wondering.
She refused to let him fuss over her at all. He had to stop and take deep breaths when she still wouldnât let him take her hand when walking. She kept her jacket on once she got to the store, even when she went into his office and settled on his desk to colour, even when she started sweating. He tried three times, but she didnât relent. He had opened his mouth to try the fourth time, but she put her pointer finger up at him, the way he did when he wanted her to behave and be quiet.
Okay then.
When they finally got home, she wouldnât let him help her shower, wouldnât even let him choose her pyjama that night. She wanted to choose one herself. She literally shut the door to her room on his face when he tried to go after her to help her undress. No Daddy, no. I can do myself. She picked a long-sleeved set with butterflies all over them, which surprised him. She didnât really like wearing long sleeves for sleeping. He often had to coax her into wearing one during winter, and now she had gone and worn a pair on her own volition.
He did, however, get the opportunity to tuck Sarah in, thankful that she at least didnât fight him on that, though it was not from the lack of effort on her part. She was practically passed out from exhaustion.
Thatâs what the other odd thing.
His daughter came home hungry.
She had gobbled up the ice cream Dina had bought her in no time at all and kept asking for snacks to eat at the store. And at dinner, she had two of her usual serving of mac and cheese. So she was really hungry, which was suspicious. The paper bag full of lunch was empty when she gave it back to him, so she had eaten lunch and the many, many, many snacks he had supplied her, so why was she still so hungry?
Joel didnât know if he should be concerned or happy. On the one hand, he was happy that she wasnât stressed on her first day of school and had the appetite to eat. He was often worried about her eating habits, their meals together more like an exhausting attempt from him to get her to eat any food at all. Knowing how hungry she turned out to be, heâs glad that he made sure there was enough food in her lunch pack. He shuddered at the thought of her going hungry if he hadnât.
On the other hand, he worried that his daughter might be eating a bit too much as well? Tess wasnât wrong, he knew he went overboard. That was a lot of food for her. He was just worried for her, giving her that much food was a way for him to gauge how much food he should give her. In his mind, seeing what was left would tell him how much to give her tomorrow.
But she finished all her food and was still starving.
Maybe she shared with Ellie, Daniel and her other classmates?
Maybe a different meal would be better. Instead of snacks and sandwiches and Lunchables, maybe he should give her a proper, filling meal? There was still some mac and cheese leftover from dinner, maybe he could give her those for tomorrow?
But cold mac and cheese? Not Sarahâs favourite. Even if he warmed it up before packing it, it would be cold before Sarah had the chance to eat it, wouldnât it? That girl was picky. No cold meals, but no room temperature fruits and drinks. God, everything would be warm or cold by the time she has them.
Sarah hates warm fruits. He always stored them in the fridge because she wouldnât eat them if they were room temperature. He had to figure out how he could keep the food cold or warm as needed.
He cleaned the kitchen, getting the fruits for Sarahâs snacks the next day ready. He got the oranges sliced up, taking the peels off so it was easier for her to eat, cut up the grapes into smaller pieces so she wouldnât choke on them. He washed the berries he got and put them in the Ziploc bags. Crackers and pretzels instead of cereals, peach yoghurt, jerky sticks, Jell-O cups (different flavoured than todays, of course), mixed nuts, juice boxes, all go into separate bags, ready for him to just toss into the bag for tomorrow. He realized by this point that Ziploc bags wouldnât do in the long run. Heâd be buying them out his nose at this point.
Surely, you would have a solution for that, right?
Maybe he should go back to the store to get one of those thermal containers. And if he gets overwhelmed, maybe you would help him. He wouldnât come off as being forward or anything, right? He would just be a customer needing help. And you would be doing your job. It wasnât as if he would be going to the store for the sole purpose of looking for you or anything. Of course not. What a crazy idea.
Plus, your daughters are friends. It would make sense for the two of you to be friends too, right? Right?
Anna. Annie. He liked that name on you. He looked forward to calling you by your name tomorrow. If, and only if, he needed your assistance, or if you happened to be around the area, obviously. He would never go looking for you in that huge store. Of course he wouldnât. That would be crazy. And creepy. He wouldnât want to be that guy.
But this predicament he was in was the perfect opportunity to see you alone once more. Not that he was thinking about being alone with you or anything.
In the meantime, Ziploc bags and whatever containers he could lay his hands on would have to suffice.
He scoured his kitchen for disposable food containers for the mac and cheese, which would have to do for tomorrow, found one and washed it. Lunchables would have to suffice for tomorrow, that, and maybe a couple toasts with Nutella. He even filled up her water bottle so he wouldnât have to do them the next morning.
He tried watching a show before bedtime, but found himself unable to focus, thinking about Sarahâs lunch packs. The girl hated repeats. He would have to think of a better system to make sure he got her a variety of foods, especially if she was going to eat up a storm like this every day.
Sheâs a growing girl. Boys eat a lot growing up, right? Nothing wrong with a girl eating quite a bit too.
He went to check on her one more time before bed, the little girl now splayed across her bed, her blanket half on the floor, her favourite butterfly plushie off the bed completely. He corrected her position, worried she might fall off, covering her with the blanket once more. He picked up the plushie and took her little arms to wrap around it, the sleeves of her pyjama now up to her elbows. He lifted her arm to put it back.
Wait.
Even in the dim nightlight, he could clearly see there was a noticeable bruise on her right forearm.
What?
That wasnât there that morning.
He ran his finger over it. It was huge. About the width of two of his fingers, maybe two inches long. Â
Could she have banged her arm on something? What could she have banged it on to produce a bruise that size?
His whole body went cold.
Did someone do this to his little girl? Did someone hit his Baby Girl?
He felt as if his body temperature had shot up to the sky, his heckles raised, his fangs bared.
Did someone hurt his Sarah? Who?
Oh⌠that person was going to get it from him.
Was it Miss Lydia? If it was, she will be fired beyond recognition. He would make sure of it.
Was it another child? That child would never know a peaceful life without a stern talking to from him. And their parents would know what happens to bad parents who couldnât control their children. He would make sure of it.
No one should play with Joel Miller when it came to Sarah.
They went camping once with Tommy and Tess and Eddie. A mosquito dared bite Sarah, and he spent minutes chasing that blasted creature, finally smacking it against the wall of the tent. Unsatisfied that the thing was flattened to death, he took it out between his fingers and burnt it in the campfire, a small, satisfied smile playing on his lips. But that wasnât enough. He immediately stomped off to the store for bug spray, sprayed his tent to infinity and beyond to make sure no other mosquito dared drink from his little girl, even placing mosquito patches on the poor little girl as double protection.
If he finds out who had hurt his little girl? That person will pay. They will regret ever breathing in the same vicinity as his Sarah. Â
He would go scorched earth for his Baby Girl. Yes he would. And no one can stop him. He would die before he lets someone lay a hand on his little girl. And whoever this person was, the one responsible for this horrendous bruise on his Sarahâs arm, they will pay.
That's what I tell people when they ask why Frankie Morales knows my drink order better than I do. Or why the quiet man with the soulful eyes finally loosens up in my presence.
Just friends.
That's what I tell myself when he calls me on his drive home because he saw a sunset and thought I'd like it. When he leaves little voice messages that say absolutely nothing important but still do.
When he texts me that he made it home. As if I was waiting to know. As if he knows I was.
Just friends.
When he remembers things nobody else does. The anniversary that makes me quiet. The song I always skip. The way thunderstorms make me nervous. The fact that I need the TV on to sleep when my head gets too loud. That I am the only person who knows about the ghosts he carries like luggage.
Just friends.
When I find myself looking for his truck before I even get out of my car at any gathering. When a room feels wrong until he's in it. When something good happens and his name appears in my mind before anyone else's. When no one apart from me knows the shape of his loneliness.
Just friends.
When he says my name in that soft, careful way he does that makes my stomach flip. Like he's holding something fragile. Something far more than words. And when I say his, his eyes crinkle in a laugh bright enough to feel like sunlight.
Just friends.
Until one night we're sharing a bed because life has a funny sense of humor and we're adults who can handle it, right ?
Just friends.
With a pillow between us that feels like a whole ocean. I fall asleep facing the wall and he falls asleep facing the other direction. Until somewhere in the middle of the night, while the world is quiet enough to tell the truth, our bodies betray us.
Just two tired people reaching for comfort.
And when we both wake with only the sun as our witness, neither of us moves. His arm is still around my waist. My hand is still curled against his chest. Neither of us says a word.
Because suddenly just friends feels like the biggest lie we've ever told. And yet neither of us is brave enough to call it anything else.
This is a little different than what I usually write, but my bestie @rhapsodyofdarkness gently nudged(read: bullied) me into publishing this, so there you go.
Joel Miller was doing the best he can as a single dad, relying on his 'village' to raise his little girl after the sudden death of his wife. All was fine until his BabyGirl came home from her first day of school with a bruise on her arm, courtesy of the new girl in school.
WARNINGS: Enemy to Lovers, Secrets, Misunderstanding, Jealousy, Fluff, Pining, Loneliness, Helicopter Parenting, OverProtective Dad, More to add as story moves on.
MASTER LIST
Part 1
Disclaimer - I don't beta my work, and English is not my first language, so sorry if there are errors.
Joel didnât think anyone was there after him. He had thought the car next to his truck was a teachers. He felt so embarrassed that she saw him cry, though she was crying herself, it seemed. He had smiled at her, a sad, understanding smile that only a parent in his predicament could give another.
And she gave one equally sad, understanding smile right back at him.
If he had to guess, it was her childâs first day of school too.
See? Thereâs nothing to be embarrassed about, lots of parents felt sad on their childrenâs first day of school. So he wasnât exactly alone, nor was he dramatic.
He watched as the lady got in her car, took a deep breath, wiped her face and drove off.
He started his truck up to leave too, a smile suddenly appearing on his lips. The small, sad, reciprocating smile the lady gave him didnât leave his mind. Still kind and understanding despite her own sadness. He really should find her later, thank her for seemingly understanding his situation.
Maybe beg her to not blab to the other moms about him crying like a little girl in his truck.
Finding out what her name was wouldnât be a bad idea either.
Wait, who said that?
âHey Daze,â Joel greeted, swiping the newly fallen leaves off his wifeâs headstone. He was there just the day before with Sarah, and already the leaves were starting to cover her grave. Fall was definitely coming. His eyes fell to the base of the headstone, noticing the handful of daisies in the vase. He looked around, looking for anyone that might have been there before him, but saw no one.
He was there less than 24 hours ago. Itâs not even 10am yet. There was no flowers in the vase when he left yesterday. He had never left her flowers. She hated it when he bought her flowers. He wasnât exactly flush with money when they started dating, and she chastised him for buying her flowers for their first date, telling him it was a waste of money. Tommy wasnât in town, Tess just told him that she wasnât visiting until today, so it couldnât have been them. They never left her flowers, even if they visited.
So, who left the flowers?
Ignore it, youâre here to tell your late wife about your daughterâs first day of school, he told himself.
He rearranged the flowers, swiping more leaves off her gravestone, running his pointer finger through the petals, admiring them before he could help himself.
âYou have an admirer, it seems,â he joked. âShould I be jealous?â he laughed. âAnywayâŚâ he sighed.
Images of the crying lady he just saw at the school flashed in his mind.
What the fuck was that? You were at your wifeâs headstone, Joel Miller.
He was just emotional, is all. He related to her. She seemed sad to leave her child too, just like he was. Itâs nothing to feel guilty over. It was innocent.
âI just dropped our daughter at school. You should have seen how brave she was, Daze. She didnât cry at all. In fact, she was the one who coaxed me,â he laughed. âYouâd be so proud of her honey, shot out the door this morning before I finish cutting her sandwich crust off! She definitely didnât get that from me, I hated school. So, this is all you, honey, sheâs gonna grow up smart like you, thank God.â
He fell silent for a while.
âI canât even⌠you have no idea how much I wish you were here today. Iâm scared honey. Sheâs growing up so fast. I donât know if I can do thisâŚâ he said, his fingers picking up stray leaves and the off grass off the ground.
He was quiet for a beat, as if listening to someone. He huffed, rolling his eyes.
âDonât you start about that now. Tommy already gave me enough grief about that. You know he tried to introduce me to yet another one of his rejects? Sandy something. Or was it Samantha? I donât know⌠I just⌠I canât⌠I donât have the mental capacity for it anymore, honey. You know me. I donât do these things. You had to do it for me back then, remember? You decided to ask me out, you proposed to me, I just did what you wanted honey, I donât⌠I donât know how to⌠I just keep thinking â what if theyâre mean to Sarah? Sheâs all I have in my mind right now. I donât know. Iâm not thinking about it.â
It was true. He was too busy â his parents passed when Tommy was 16. He took over, didnât go to college, not that he was ever clever enough to go, got a job, and focused on getting his brother through life. He wasnât thinking about himself. Even when he saw Daisy for the first time at the diner where she worked, despite feeling as if he was electrocuted, he didnât do anything. Flustered so badly he kept dripping coffee all over his front whenever she talked to him. She finally put a stop to his clumsy attempts to show her how much he liked her by pouring herself a cup of coffee and sitting directly across from him and promptly declared they were on their first date. And he hadnât looked at another since.
Five years. Sarah had gone to school, and he still hadnât been on a proper date. He had a one night stand with someone he met at a bar maybe three years ago, but he lay there in bed after, feeling so empty and guilty he just wanted to leave. And of course, he felt worse when he did. He didnât even leave her his number. Just disappeared and never went back to that bar.
He didnât have any connection with her at all. It was just sex, nothing like what he had with Daisy. People kept telling him that he should open his heart for another, Sarah was too young, she needed a mother figure. But even when thinking about his little girl, he couldnât do it.
He was simply not ready.
Eddie, his late brother in law had asked him over for dinner many times, him and Tess attempting to fix him up with this lady and that, the poor lady always ended up feeling hurt and annoyed by the time dinner was over. âThis was what Daze would have wanted for you, for Sarah,â Eddie had said, but he simply hugged his brother in law good night and left.
Tommy, on the other hand, was just interested in getting him laid. Simply because he was too grumpy to be around anymore. âMaybe if you take the edge off, youâd be in a better mood,â he had jested. âAt least do it manually. When was the last time you did that?â
Joel wanted to punch his brother. Sarah sleeps next door to him. He wasnât going to do that with Sarah next door. And he never locks his door at night, in case Sarah had a nightmare. He never locked the bathroom door either when he showered, in case Sarah needed him. What if she walked in? No⌠it was not worth the risk. And he was never, ever going to let Sarah have a sleepover at Tessâs or Tommyâs dingy bachelorâs pad.
So, no. No more women for him. Not until Sarah leaves for college. That, or until she meets a man and gets married, which, if things go according to his plan, wonât be until sheâs 50.
âAnyway⌠I just wanted to come by and let you know how today went. Tried talking to you in my backyard like Tess suggested, but itâs just weird. Talking to you here feels more⌠purposeful, you know? At least I know you are here. Iâll come back tomorrow and tell you about the after school news.â
He stood up, picking up his jacket from the ground. âLove you honey. See you tomorrow,â he pressed his fingers to his lips, pressing them to her name on the headstone, his eyes on the daisies. âAnd tell you secret admirer you have a husband, okay? No hanky-panky!â he joked, before turning around and leaving.
He doesnât cry for her anymore. He was all cried out the day he put her in the ground, that, and all the nights since that he cried himself to sleep in the year that followed, especially when he got overwhelmed. He found it frustrating, but he simply couldnât. It wasnât as if she could do anything about it. And knowing her, she wouldnât want him to waste his tears on her. He had Sarah to worry about now.
After a lot of Googling and arguing with Dina (who did the Googling for him), it turned out all he needed to cut the crusts of a sandwich without squishing the bread was a knife. Not just any knife, a serrated knife, it seemed. He didnât even know there was such a thing as a bread knife.
Sigh⌠yet one more thing he was lacking in the parental department.
So there he was, staring at knives at the local chain superstore, wondering how his life had come to this â standing in the kitchen aisle of a store, looking at knives to cut off the crusts off his daughterâs sandwiches.
Why were there so many different bread knives? He didnât even know these existed, and now suddenly there were so many to choose from? There were simple ones, fancy ones, cheap ones, expensive ones.
Holy shit.
He didnât know some knives could cost that much. Do the more expensive ones mean better sandwiches? Do the sandwiches make themselves? Would he still have to buy the ingredients or would the knives procure them out of thin air?
He must have been so obviously stumped. Someone with a cart full of boxes approached him and asked if he needed any help.
Hey, itâs you. That lady from the parking lot. The one who was crying, just like he was.
âYou okay, sir? You need any help?â
Joel found himself staring at you instead of the knives. Now that you were right in front of him, without the smeared glass that was his window and the tears in his eyes blurring his sight, your features struck him like lightning. Your skin, your eyes, your hair, your lips.
He found his tongue swollen, constricting his vocal cords. His face got all hot, he was pretty sure he had started sweating, all for no reason whatsoever.
The heck?
âSir?â
âAre you okay?â he dumbly asked.
You were startled by his question. âIâm sorry?â
Joel suddenly realized how dumb his question was. âSorry, I saw you this morning, in the parking lot, at school. Are you okay?â
Oh.
âYou were the man in the truck next to me,â you scratched your forehead, feeling embarrassed. âSorry, I didnât recognize you. I was too busy being a big baby,â you awkwardly joked.
He gave a small laugh. âI feel you. Was being one myself.â He was suddenly reminded that he himself was sobbing his heart out in his truck when he saw you. There might have even been a chance that he was crying a lot harder than you were.
Crap, you saw him sob his heart out.
The one time he found a woman attractive in five years, and she had seen him cry.
You must think him a wuss.
Wait, who said that?
He didnât find you attractive. Pfft. He must be out of his mind still from leaving Sarah at school this morning.
You smiled at him, and his heart almost stopped beating. Damn it, you were gorgeous. Maybe not in the drop-dead, supermodel way, but there was something about you. In your uniform, your hair just above your shoulder, very little make up, but still... striking.
âFirst day of school?â
âYeah,â he said, scratching his head.
What do you do with your hands when you talk to someone? What did he normally do? Why were his hands hanging by his side like some limp noodles? Could he still feel them?
He finally found the wherewithal to put his hands in his pockets, his shoulders rising to his ears from his own awkwardness.
You nodded, âSo, can I help you with something? Youâre looking for knives?â
âUh, yes. A bread knife,â he said, taking his hands out of his pockets and crossing them on his chest. Wait, you might find him rude or think he was bored. He uncrossed them and placed them on his hips. Same thing.
Fuck, what do you do with your hands?
âWell, do you have a specific one in mind?â
Oh thank God, he didnât think he could survive another awkward moment. This was good. Talking is good. Questions are good. He wouldnât focus on his hands so much.
âJust, anything that could cut the crusts off a sandwich and not end up squishing the bread,â he said, his hands still hanging limply by his sides.
âOh, any of these will do,â you said. âDo you have a budget?â
âUh, not really, does it matter?â
âNot really. They should cut bread the same way,â you answered, taking the cheapest one off the shelf. âIn fact, the more expensive the knives, the more care they need.â
âAh,â he said, smiling, his hand taking the knife from you, suddenly functioning normally again. He studied the knife, âSo, just cut the bread the way you would with the usual knife?â
âNo, you saw the bread. Itâs why theyâre serrated. Like you would when youâre sawing wood.â
âWell, I know a little something about that,â he huffed a small laugh, immediately cringing when he saw the confused look on your face. âIâm⌠Iâm a contractor. And a carpenter. Part time, but you know, I saw things a lot.â
You gave him a slow nod, looking a bit awkward now.
âI mean wood, I saw wood. Not⌠people, or anything weird.â
Stop talking.
âLike, actual wood, from a tree?â
Oh my God, stop talking! Just take the damned knife and go pay!
You gave him another nod, an awkward smile on your lips.
Damn, even in the awkward situation you found yourself to be in, your smile made his heart skip a beat. What the heck was going on?
âSo youâre okay? Youâve decided?â
âTo keep my daughter in school?â he laughed, âI kinda have to, I am not the brightest. I have to let her go to school if sheâs ever going to have a chance,â he said.
You looked stumped.
âI mean, with the knife, youâre gonna get that one?â
Oh.
âUh⌠yeah, thank you for your help.â
Your smile returned, and you just like that, you turned your cart around and went on your way.
Joel found a pillar in the middle of the store and banged his head on it.
What the fuck was that? What happened?
God, he was being creepy, wasnât he? Who talks about sawing stuff off to someone they had never met? And why on earth was he correcting himself talking about sawing wood instead of people as if you had such morbid thoughts in the first place?
He wandered around the store for a while, picking up some berries and mini pretzels for Sarahâs lunch the next day, just for the sake of variety. He got stopped by the lady who was promoting some sort of luncheon meat at him, the woman smiling a bit too much, her eyelashes batting unnecessarily at him.
He never got why women did that with him. He didnât even brush his hair that morning, and all the confused and impatient hair clutching he did while listening to Dina tell him about the different types of knives couldnât have helped with the situation.
Daisy used to tease him about that. He would have conversations with women all the time, never once thinking they had ulterior motives. Despite his own crush on his late wife, he didnât realize she was flirting with him up until she instigated that first date, apparently much to the chagrin of the other waitresses.
After a few more rounds of such smiles and eyelash battings from the ladies in the produce section and the check out, Joel walked out of the store with a realisation.
You didnât do that. There was no eyelash batting or flirty smile from you.
For whatever reason, that realisation made his mood sour a little.
As he was about to start his truck, his eyes wandered around momentarily, glancing at the picnic tables by the play area. Sarah liked playing there, it was basically a weekly ritual â 30 minutes of grocery shopping, 30 minutes of play time for the little queen. Tit for tat. She sat still while he shopped, so he had to sit still while she played.
But that wasnât what he was thinking about when his eyes fell on the table he usually sits at as Sarah played.
You were sitting there, having a sandwich.
Before he could stop himself, he had turned his engine off and slammed the door behind him, walking towards you.
âHi,â he greeted, surprising himself that he actually talked to a woman without someone nudging him to, praying to God you wouldnât flinch from the creepy man who talked about sawing needlessly.
Thankfully, you didnât. You simply smiled, âHey, buyers remorse already? Are you returning the knife?â
Joel found himself so thankful that you didnât flinch or run screaming, he couldnât help but laugh out loud at your little joke.
âSad little tomatoes and cheese sandwich?â you offered, pushing your little Tupperware at him.
He raised his hand in a polite decline.
âUh, I actually just wanted to stop by to thank you, for helping me with the knife,â he said, telling you the real reason he went to see you. âMay I sit?â
You nodded, mouth full of sandwich.
He sat down, hands still awkwardly in his pockets. âIâm sorry if I came off as creepy,â he said.
You frowned at him, cocking your head a little, confused.
âJust now, talking about saws and wood and bodies⌠I just⌠I donât know what brought that on. I usually donât talk to people, I hope I didnât scare you,â he defended himself.
Ah, you nodded, seemingly understanding.
âIn my defence, I have forgotten how to talk to adults since my daughter was born,â he said, looking sheepish.
âOh,â you said, placing your sandwich on the Tupperware cover, âI hear that,â you took a drink from your water bottle. âSomeone was telling me about some actor she found to be hot the other day, and I kept thinking â was he in Bluey or Peppa Pig? Thatâs all that was playing in my household!â
He laughed, nodding, completely understanding what you were talking about.
âAnyway, donât worry about it. I didnât find you creepy. Maybe a little odd, but not creepy. Definitely not creepy,â you assured him, picking up your sandwich again.
Joel couldnât help but take a gander at your ring finger.
No ring, his heart rejoiced. Thereâs a ring line, though. New enough to be noticeable. So, unless you took it off to eat, maybe youâre a single mom? His left thumb absentmindedly scratched the pad of his left ring finger a few times without him realizing it.
âThank you,â he said, relieved. âWell, Iâll leave you then, let you have your lunch,â he got up. âMaybe Iâll see you around at pick up later.â
You nodded, giving him another smile, your mouth still full of sandwiches.
He nodded back, whispering another thank you, and began to walk away.
âOh, I almost forgot,â he said, turning back. âI would really appreciate it if we could keep what you saw in my truck this morning our little secret?â
Again, you looked confused.
âMe, crying like a little girl,â he whispered, looking embarrassed.
âAhâŚâ you laughed, miming zipping your mouth shut, locking it, and throwing away the key. âI wonât tell anyone if you wonât, remember, I was crying too.â
He shrugged, cringing while he was at it, âNot the same. I think women get a bit more freedom when it comes to crying.â
âWell, I think real men donât have a problem crying when they need to. Itâs healthy. But I get what you mean. I wonât tell a soul. I promise.â
He nodded, mouthing thank you, complete with his hands clasped together in front of his chest.
You gave him a slight bow in return, that smile still on your lips.
Joel got back in his truck and drove to the store with a smile. He went into his workshop and folded his sleeves up to get back to work, stopping just before he started, facepalming himself.
Damn it, he forgot to ask you your name.
âSarah!â he called out, waving his arm like a deranged person from outside the gate.
He heaved such a huge sigh of relief when he saw her come running out, glad she wasnât taking her own sweet time. The past ten minutes waiting in the yard with the other parents â correction â moms, was hell on earth for him.
How was it that he was the only dad picking up their children from school? Do the other dads not give a shit? He knew for a fact that even if Daisy was still alive he would have taken the day off to commemorate this special day rather than have her do the pick up alone.
Didnât help that the moms were eyeing him in a way that made his skin crawl. How was that okay? If a man looked at a woman like that theyâd be branded a pervert.
âDaddy!â Sarah came running out, her bag bouncing off her back, her water bottle swinging off her hand and the paper bag full of food he had given her flapping madly from one handle by its side.
He tried to pick her up to hug her, the girl squealing, not in a good way, and slid away from him. She wouldnât even let him take her hand to hold while walking across the car park.
Okay then, he thought, maybe she was embarrassed, lots of people there. He tried not to get emotional, but it might have been the hardest thing he had ever done. Â
âDid you have fun in school?â
Sarah nodded. âI made a friend. Her name is Ellie. She lives at the ceremony.â
âCeremony? Where is this Ceremony? Is it near here? I havenât heard of this Ceremony place.â
âNo, Daddy, you know the ceremony, we go there all the time,â Sarah sighed, sounding exasperated as she wrestled his hands away, buckling herself into the car seat herself. âThe ceremony, where Mommy is.â
âThe cemetery?â he asked, rather distracted, looking around the parking lot for your car. He hadnât seen you so far.
âYes, the ceremonytery.â
Joel turned around, forgetting about you momentarily. âShe lives at the cemetery?â
âYes. With her Mama.â
Joelâs head went cold. He had read about this, he feared this. Children like Sarah, ones who didnât socialize with other children too much, often had imaginary friends. He had wondered if Sarah would eventually have one. He lost count of the amount of times he had hidden behind walls whenever he heard Sarah talk to herself when playing, wondering if it had finally happened.
Of course, there was the strong possibility that his precious little girl had actually met someone at school who lived near the cemetery.
âYou mean, near the cemetery? Like down the road from the cemetery area?â
âNo, Daddy, she lives at the cemetery. With her Mama. Her Papa died too.â
Too? Her Papa died too? As in her Mama died, she died, and her Papa died too?
Oh God. This was worse than he thought.
His precious Baby Girl has a little girl ghost as an imaginary friend.
âDaddy! Ellie! Ellie is here! Hi Ellie!â Sarah excitedly cried, looking to her right, waving her hand rigorously.
All the hair on his body stood on end.
What the actual fuck. Thereâs a little girl ghost imaginary friend in his truck right now?
Uh⌠okay, okay. What would a good parent do?
Be supportive of your little girlâs little girl ghost imaginary friend, right? Make little girl ghost imaginary friend feel welcome?
He took his seatbelt off and turned his body around, looking directly at the empty seat next to his daughter.
âHello, EllieâŚâ he hesitated, giving the empty space a reluctant smile. âItâs really nice to meet you. Iâm Sarahâs Daddy, you can call me Uncle Joel,â he said, holding his hand out for the little girl ghost imaginary friend to shake. He shook his hand a little mid-air, his thumb and pointer finger pinched together as if grasping a little girlâs tiny hand. And then, feeling proud of himself at accepting his little girlâs little girl ghost imaginary friend, he looked at Sarah, a smug smile on his face.
Sarah was looking at him as if he had three heads.
âWho are you talking to?â she asked, looking a bit weirded out.
âYour friend, Ellie!â
âDaddy, sheâs outside, with her Mama.â
He turned to see, and his heart almost stopped.
Both with relief and excitement.
For one, there was a little girl and her Mama outside, two empty parking spaces over from his truck, the Mama getting the little girl in her own car seat, the little girl waving at Sarah.
So, Ellie was real. A real little girl, not a little girl ghost imaginary friend.
Phew.
Two, the Mama was you.
Before he could stop himself, he had unbuckled and left the cab of his truck, going around to greet you. But when he got to you, he found himself tongue-tied, unable to even make his presence known. He just stood there as you buckled your daughter in.
âMama,â Ellie said, warning you of his presence.
You turned around and saw him, hands in his pockets, shoulders up to his ears.
âHey, bread knife guy. Sawing guy,â you greeted.
His ears turned pink, a huge grin on his face. âIâm Joel,â he flustered, holding his hand out.
âAnna,â you said, taking his hand and shaking it.
âHi Ellie!â Sarah appeared out of nowhere. Wait, when did she get out of the truck?
âHi,â Ellie greeted, looking shy.
âThis is my daughter Sarah, she said she knew Ellie,â Joel told you.
âOh,â you squatted in front of her, âNice to see you again Sarah. Ellie told me all about you,â you said. âIâm Ellieâs Mama. You can call me Annie.â
Joel smiled at Ellie, and the little girl smiled back.
âSo,â Joel said as Sarah went around you to talk to Ellie, checking out her car seat, âOur daughters are friend, huh?â
âSat next to each other in class, I met her this morning, you know, before the waterworks started.â You put your hand next to your mouth and added conspiratorially, âI waited for the privacy of the parking lot for that,â you winked cheekily.
He laughed, nodding.
âUhm, this may be a bit weird, but Sarah told me you live at the cemetery?â
âOh,â you laughed, âSort of. Itâs a walk, but technically, yeah. I live in the area.â
âAh,â Joel said, âI just needed to check. Canât believe a five year oldâs claims, you know? Mine gets lost in translation a lot. She doesnât have many friends,â he explained. âItâs why I wanted to meet Ellie, itâs a long story.â
âWell, Sarah is more than welcome, weâre new here. We just moved here last week. So Ellie doesnât have many friends.â
âHello,â a friendly voice interrupted. Tess appeared, Daniel in tow, looking to be in less of a good mood. Joel gave her a peck on the cheek, giving Daniel a fist to bump, which the sulking boy ignored. Joel retracted his hand understandingly, rubbing his head instead, which the boy squirmed away from.
Okay then. Moody boy.
âAnna, this is my sister in law, Tess, and her son, Daniel,â he introduced. âTess is a teacher here.â
âAnnie, please. Nice to meet you, Tess. Hi Daniel,â you greeted, shaking Tessâs hand, waving to Daniel with the other hand.
Tess waved hi to Sarah and Ellie. The little girls gave her a shy smile back.
âMom, come on⌠I want to go see Dad,â Daniel whined.
âOkay honey, weâre going,â Tess sighed, rolling her eyes a little, looking at you and Joel for understanding, which she received. âSee you guys around. You want me to take Sarah? You going back to work?â she asked Joel.
âNo, I want to go with Daddy, Dina promised me ice cream,â Sarah interrupted before Joel could form a thought.
âOkay then, Iâll see you tomorrow, okay?â Tess said, holding her hand out for Sarah to high five. She waved to you and Joel and left, Daniel pulling her by her jacket.
âHer husband passed away a month ago, car accident,â Joel told you. âDaniel wanted to go visit, tell his Dad about his first day of school.â
âOh, Iâm sorry to hear that,â you sympathised. âWell, I wish I could stay and chat, get to know Sarah better, but I need to get going, Iâm still on the clock,â you excused yourself.
âOf course, so am I, technically. Iâll see you around,â Joel said, taking Sarah by the hand. She pulled away.
âBye Ellie!â Sarah waved as you drove away. âI like Ellie. Sheâs a lot of fun!â she told her Daddy, letting him pick her up to put in her car seat, but still insisted on buckling herself in.
âThatâs great, Baby Girl,â Joel sighed in relief as he put the truck into gear, relieved that Ellie was real, happy that he had an excuse to see you again if Sarah was this excited about Ellie.
Good parents become good friends if their children are good friends, right?
He kissed Sarah one more time before covering her little body with her blanket. She was growing far too quickly for his liking. Making decisions on her own now, going by the events of today.
Stall the growing up, Baby Girl, I canât let you go yet. Please.
He didnât want to admit it, but Sarah was acting a bit out of character since coming back from school. He was hoping it was excitement, but he couldnât stop wondering.
She refused to let him fuss over her at all. He had to stop and take deep breaths when she still wouldnât let him take her hand when walking. She kept her jacket on once she got to the store, even when she went into his office and settled on his desk to colour, even when she started sweating. He tried three times, but she didnât relent. He had opened his mouth to try the fourth time, but she put her pointer finger up at him, the way he did when he wanted her to behave and be quiet.
Okay then.
When they finally got home, she wouldnât let him help her shower, wouldnât even let him choose her pyjama that night. She wanted to choose one herself. She literally shut the door to her room on his face when he tried to go after her to help her undress. No Daddy, no. I can do myself. She picked a long-sleeved set with butterflies all over them, which surprised him. She didnât really like wearing long sleeves for sleeping. He often had to coax her into wearing one during winter, and now she had gone and worn a pair on her own volition.
He did, however, get the opportunity to tuck Sarah in, thankful that she at least didnât fight him on that, though it was not from the lack of effort on her part. She was practically passed out from exhaustion.
Thatâs what the other odd thing.
His daughter came home hungry.
She had gobbled up the ice cream Dina had bought her in no time at all and kept asking for snacks to eat at the store. And at dinner, she had two of her usual serving of mac and cheese. So she was really hungry, which was suspicious. The paper bag full of lunch was empty when she gave it back to him, so she had eaten lunch and the many, many, many snacks he had supplied her, so why was she still so hungry?
Joel didnât know if he should be concerned or happy. On the one hand, he was happy that she wasnât stressed on her first day of school and had the appetite to eat. He was often worried about her eating habits, their meals together more like an exhausting attempt from him to get her to eat any food at all. Knowing how hungry she turned out to be, heâs glad that he made sure there was enough food in her lunch pack. He shuddered at the thought of her going hungry if he hadnât.
On the other hand, he worried that his daughter might be eating a bit too much as well? Tess wasnât wrong, he knew he went overboard. That was a lot of food for her. He was just worried for her, giving her that much food was a way for him to gauge how much food he should give her. In his mind, seeing what was left would tell him how much to give her tomorrow.
But she finished all her food and was still starving.
Maybe she shared with Ellie, Daniel and her other classmates?
Maybe a different meal would be better. Instead of snacks and sandwiches and Lunchables, maybe he should give her a proper, filling meal? There was still some mac and cheese leftover from dinner, maybe he could give her those for tomorrow?
But cold mac and cheese? Not Sarahâs favourite. Even if he warmed it up before packing it, it would be cold before Sarah had the chance to eat it, wouldnât it? That girl was picky. No cold meals, but no room temperature fruits and drinks. God, everything would be warm or cold by the time she has them.
Sarah hates warm fruits. He always stored them in the fridge because she wouldnât eat them if they were room temperature. He had to figure out how he could keep the food cold or warm as needed.
He cleaned the kitchen, getting the fruits for Sarahâs snacks the next day ready. He got the oranges sliced up, taking the peels off so it was easier for her to eat, cut up the grapes into smaller pieces so she wouldnât choke on them. He washed the berries he got and put them in the Ziploc bags. Crackers and pretzels instead of cereals, peach yoghurt, jerky sticks, Jell-O cups (different flavoured than todays, of course), mixed nuts, juice boxes, all go into separate bags, ready for him to just toss into the bag for tomorrow. He realized by this point that Ziploc bags wouldnât do in the long run. Heâd be buying them out his nose at this point.
Surely, you would have a solution for that, right?
Maybe he should go back to the store to get one of those thermal containers. And if he gets overwhelmed, maybe you would help him. He wouldnât come off as being forward or anything, right? He would just be a customer needing help. And you would be doing your job. It wasnât as if he would be going to the store for the sole purpose of looking for you or anything. Of course not. What a crazy idea.
Plus, your daughters are friends. It would make sense for the two of you to be friends too, right? Right?
Anna. Annie. He liked that name on you. He looked forward to calling you by your name tomorrow. If, and only if, he needed your assistance, or if you happened to be around the area, obviously. He would never go looking for you in that huge store. Of course he wouldnât. That would be crazy. And creepy. He wouldnât want to be that guy.
But this predicament he was in was the perfect opportunity to see you alone once more. Not that he was thinking about being alone with you or anything.
In the meantime, Ziploc bags and whatever containers he could lay his hands on would have to suffice.
He scoured his kitchen for disposable food containers for the mac and cheese, which would have to do for tomorrow, found one and washed it. Lunchables would have to suffice for tomorrow, that, and maybe a couple toasts with Nutella. He even filled up her water bottle so he wouldnât have to do them the next morning.
He tried watching a show before bedtime, but found himself unable to focus, thinking about Sarahâs lunch packs. The girl hated repeats. He would have to think of a better system to make sure he got her a variety of foods, especially if she was going to eat up a storm like this every day.
Sheâs a growing girl. Boys eat a lot growing up, right? Nothing wrong with a girl eating quite a bit too.
He went to check on her one more time before bed, the little girl now splayed across her bed, her blanket half on the floor, her favourite butterfly plushie off the bed completely. He corrected her position, worried she might fall off, covering her with the blanket once more. He picked up the plushie and took her little arms to wrap around it, the sleeves of her pyjama now up to her elbows. He lifted her arm to put it back.
Wait.
Even in the dim nightlight, he could clearly see there was a noticeable bruise on her right forearm.
What?
That wasnât there that morning.
He ran his finger over it. It was huge. About the width of two of his fingers, maybe two inches long. Â
Could she have banged her arm on something? What could she have banged it on to produce a bruise that size?
His whole body went cold.
Did someone do this to his little girl? Did someone hit his Baby Girl?
He felt as if his body temperature had shot up to the sky, his heckles raised, his fangs bared.
Did someone hurt his Sarah? Who?
Oh⌠that person was going to get it from him.
Was it Miss Lydia? If it was, she will be fired beyond recognition. He would make sure of it.
Was it another child? That child would never know a peaceful life without a stern talking to from him. And their parents would know what happens to bad parents who couldnât control their children. He would make sure of it.
No one should play with Joel Miller when it came to Sarah.
They went camping once with Tommy and Tess and Eddie. A mosquito dared bite Sarah, and he spent minutes chasing that blasted creature, finally smacking it against the wall of the tent. Unsatisfied that the thing was flattened to death, he took it out between his fingers and burnt it in the campfire, a small, satisfied smile playing on his lips. But that wasnât enough. He immediately stomped off to the store for bug spray, sprayed his tent to infinity and beyond to make sure no other mosquito dared drink from his little girl, even placing mosquito patches on the poor little girl as double protection.
If he finds out who had hurt his little girl? That person will pay. They will regret ever breathing in the same vicinity as his Sarah. Â
He would go scorched earth for his Baby Girl. Yes he would. And no one can stop him. He would die before he lets someone lay a hand on his little girl. And whoever this person was, the one responsible for this horrendous bruise on his Sarahâs arm, they will pay.
doing that "babe i saw (bfâs best friendâs name) on tinder!" prank on joel (maybe the best friend could be tommy lmao. search it up if you donât know what the prank is <3)
There were few things that gave you more joy than teasing your incredibly dumb hot competent adoring himbo huspand.
You knew this one was risky, though. But almost every time, over stepping your bounds either resulted in comforting your big teddy bear, who knew you loved him too much to be serious, or getting the ass fucking of the centry.
Both were happy endings.
Taking a deep breath, you look up from your phone. Joel was reading on the couch, his glasses perched up on his big nose. Meaty palm gently stroking your calves, with your feet in his lap, holding the page open for him. God, he looked so cozy and comfortable. so fuckable.
Please let this ending be a rough couch fuck.
"Hey Joel, guess what?" you whisper.
Joel's ear perks up. he presses his finger to the line he left off, eager not to keep you waiting, before glancin up and pearing at you over his spectacles. "Hmm?"
You bite your lip "I foiund Tommy's Tinder."
Joel blinks at you a few times, silent.
"Tommy's tinker?"
you close your eyes. GOD he's so fucking old.
you flip the phone to him. The Tinder app shined brightly on his face, and he could make out the photo of his brother (of which you had made... and set the profile to inactive. Just to not take this joke one step too far for Maria's sake). Joel couldn't tell though. he smudged his fat finger against the screen and scrolled down, one brow raised.
The anticipation was killing you. Joel reading through all the little made up tibbits one by one, not saying anything. swiping on the photos, making some uncertain faces about the choices.
Then, finally, he asks, "I don't get it. What is this?"
"Its a dating app..." you hold your breath at the end.
He doesn't notice.
"Uh. okay."
You had to wait. It was something about men, things not always clicking the first time. Even as brilliant as the man in front of you was, he was no exception to the vegetative loading state--
'OH."
his jaw drops, and maybe, just maybe--!
"The heck he doin' on there? Maria know??"
He doesn't wait for you to interject before he's dialin' his little brother's nunmber. it rings once.
"yello," Tommy replies through the receiver.
"Hey man--you aint tell me you're on some datin app. What's goin' on?"
"I'm not? what're you talking about?"
'Its uh-" Joel picks up your phone again "grinder--"
"--WHAT??--"
"TINDER. Its TINDER," you rush to clarify loudly.
"Oh, 'tinder', she says." Joel shrugs. same thing.
But Tommy hearing you there told him everything he needed to know. Oh, Tommy Miller knew you. Knew the type of shit you'd do to drive Joel up a wall. Knew you were probably waiting on the edge of your seat for the last five minutes for Joel to 'get' it, you little devil.
Tommy sighs, deciding revenge to bite you in the ass would help get him back. "Hey Joel: why don't you ask your wife how she would even know i got a tinder profile? Hmm?"
Joel turns to you, a bright innocence in his eyes. "Hey babe, Tommy said i should ask how you would know he got a--"
And then the words die off. And Joel looks at the scream again. The fact that you were IN an app. that you had your own little set of home buttons...
JOel's eye's widen, the smile fading from his lips. "I'm gonna have to call you back," he says monotone to his brother, his gaze not dropping from you.
Tommy chuckles on the phone before hanging up. Job well done for him.
Not so great that Maria had been eaves dropping behind him, her arms folded, face scowled.
"You have a WHAT now?" she barks.
Tommy feels his face go pale. you fucker.
At home, Joel just stares at you. endlessly. vacantly.
That stare made you feel small . cornered.
like prey.
like a meal about to be devoured with all his mind body and so--
He folds his arms across his lap. There's a slight twinge of frown tugging at his lips with your smooth legs still touching him.
He takes a deep breath in, "Why you trying to set Tommy up with a gal who aint Maria? She do something to upset you, baby?"
-`âĄÂ´- tags: soft!Frankie, safe love, a lot of feelings, fluffiest fluff
summary: While a storm rages outside Frankie recognizes the saftest place is in your arms.
word count: ~ 460
a/n: Happy Frankie Friday from the sidelines! I hope this little fluff warms your heart just as much as it did mine writing it. Btw, I am working on something bigger behind the scenes involving our favorite pilot. Hopefully I can tell you more about it soon. đ
The storm was raging outside, throwing itself against the windows hard enough to make the glass shudder in its frame. There had been a time, not even that long ago, when sounds like that made Frankie tense instinctively. Sweat gathered at the small of his back while ugly memories flickered behind his eyelids like lightning. A life carved open by violence had a way of following a man home, even years later. It never mattered much that the things he had done were in the name of a country. That kind of reasoning didnât quiet the ghosts. Didnât help him sleep either.
The only thing that ever truly silenced the noise in his head was you.Â
Your body tucked against his, his arms wrapped around you tight enough to feel real. Face buried into your hair while he inhaled the familiar scent of vanilla and something warmer underneath it. Something impossible to bottle up into words because it was simply you. Home in a way Frankie had never allowed himself to believe existed for men like him.
In all the years Frankie Morales had spent dragging himself across this godforsaken earth, he had become terrifyingly good at running. Never staying anywhere long enough for roots to catch around his ankles. Movement was easier. Easier than explaining himself. Easier than letting anyone look too closely at the wreckage. âNo strings attachedâ had become less of a preference and more of a survival tactic he wore like armor. Or at least that was what he told himself.
Then somewhere along the way, there was you.
You made him pause long enough to wonder if the life heâd been living was actually freedom or just another kind of prison. Frankie had been buried so deep inside himself for so long that some days he couldnât even see the sky anymore. Days blurred together. Time passed without him noticing. Survival became muscle memory.
But you came into his life like sunlight through storm clouds, soft and stubborn and impossible to ignore. And for the first time in years, he realized he would move mountains just to keep that warmth close to him.
Now peace looked like this: the two of you tangled together in bed while rain battered the world outside. You complaining sleepily about him taking up too much space while simultaneously stealing the blanket for yourself. Frankie smiling quietly against the curve of your shoulder blades anyway, because somehow this became his favorite thing in the world.
To be loved gently.
To be held without expectation.
To learn, little by little, that not every touch had to hurt.
Wrapped up in your softness, Frankie was finally beginning to understand that staying still wasnât weakness after all. Sometimes it was the bravest thing a person could do.
Hi, is there a resaon why you didn't tag "Joel (The Last of Us)/Reader" On A03 for your last fic ? I almost missed the first chapter because I'm not using tumblr đ
Hi Nonnie, thank you for looking for my silly lil mindworm in the first place!
See, during the progression of my last few fics, I received a few anon asks on here and comments on my Ao3 regarding my tagging. They were annoyed my fics kept appearing on their fyp (or whatever it is called on tumblr and Ao3) when my characters have names despite the fact that I use the tags 'x reader' and 'x you'. I have always used these tags, my readers don't seem to mind since I explained my choice to give the characters names when I started doing it.
One commenter on Ao3 kept leaving the comment on every chapter (I have since deleted all these comments and asks) about this. Someone even got riled up I tagged both the game and TV show on Ao3.
During my last fic IOU, that same someone left a particularly nasty comment claiming I was greedy, tricking people into reading my x reader fics when it's clearly an OC.
So I didn't tag this one as such.
In my mind, my characters are readers, I just don't like using Y/N, prefer writing in second person pronoun and feel that the stories can be written in a more personal manner (like the Joels saying their names rather than just 'y/n' or saying Joel whispered your name) if the characters have names.
Thing is, they complained that reader is not a reader aka 'you' if they have a name. But if I tag OC, I can't by definition use 'you', which is my preference.
Sigh...
I'll be honest, I don't know how to deal with this.
But I will go back to Ao3 and tag it with reader now. Tq Nonnie. And Thank you for reading! đĽšđĽšâ¤ď¸â¤ď¸
Single Dad Joel Miller / Single Mom F OC (second person pronoun)
Wait, is Anna Williams considered an OC?
Joel Miller was doing the best he can as a single dad, relying on his 'village' to raise his little girl after the sudden death of his wife. All was fine until his BabyGirl came home from her first day of school with a bruise on her arm, courtesy of the new girl in school.
I know I originally and usually use x reader or x you but I have received DMs and asks telling me I shouldn't tag it so, since my characters usually have a name.
WARNINGS: Enemy to Lovers, Secrets, Misunderstanding, Jealousy, Fluff, Pining, Loneliness, Helicopter Parenting, OverProtective Dad, More to add as story moves on.
MASTER LIST
Disclaimer - I don't beta my work, and English is not my first language, so sorry if there are errors. Also, I know I said 14th June. I have zero self control. Sorry.
There was a weird taste in your mouth. Metal? Salted metal? Your head felt the heaviest it had ever felt.
Oh God that hurts. Why was your head throbbing?
You could feel the carpet on your face. You were face down, you think?
What happened? Why was it so quiet in here? Aside from the ringing in your ears, you couldnât hear anything else.
You opened your eyes, your sight obscured by thick, sticky liquid. And you saw him. Lying face down, head turned towards you, his glassy, unfocused eyes half opened, blood pooling under his belly.
âEric?â your voice came out weak, putting your arms before you and pulling yourself towards him. âEric!â you were shaking him, as much as you could with your limited energy. âHoney, wake up!â
Nothing.
You finally placed your bloody fingers on his pulse point.
Nothing. Oh God. Oh God. No, no, no, no, noâŚ
You looked around you, looking for your phone through the mess that was your living room. Your eyes swept through the turned over coffee table, the dining chairs, the holes in the wall, your former front door now half-off its hinges, the broken glass all over the floor, Where was it? Where did you last see it? You needed to call the cops. An ambulance. Someone.
And then you saw it. His gun. Just there⌠on the floor.
âMama?â
Ellie.
Just like that, you shot up from your face down position, blood trickling from your temple.
âEllie! Ellie sweetie? Where are you?â you were screaming, but all that came out were croaks.
By some miracle you managed to pull yourself up, your wrist and shoulder screaming in protest, eyes frantically searching for your daughter.
âMama?â your sweet little girlâs voice came ringing out once more, followed by the sounds of the kitchen cabinet door opening. Your sweet little girl crawled youâre your phone in her hand. âMama are you okay? You didnât wake up! I shake you but you didnât wake up!â
âOh sweetie, Iâm sorry! Iâm so sorry!â
âIs Papa okay? He wonât wake up too⌠like youâŚâ
You somehow managed to reach your daughter, taking her into your arms, hugging the life out of her, making sure your body was between her and Eric. She shouldnât see him like that.
âIâm okay sweetie. Iâm okay,â you assured her in what sounded like a harsh whisper, pulling back to take a look at her, and your heart dropped.
There was a cut in her eyebrow, blood trickling down her beautiful, tear-streaked, fearful little face.
You placed your shaky fingers next to the cut, not daring to touch it, as she did the same to your much bigger cut on your temple.
âI hide under the sink Mama. Iâm sorry I hide.â
âNo, sweetie, I told you to hide, remember? You were supposed to hide. You did what I asked you to do. You did the right thing. Iâm not mad at you sweetie.â
Fuck, why was your voice coming out like that?
The sounds of sirens came barrelling down the street, louder and louder, closer and closer. Before long there were armed police at your door, guns drawn out, warning you and your five year old daughter that they were coming in.
Officer Anderson, your husbandâs partner, came in after the first two police officers, checking Ericâs pulse. She radioed the paramedics to come in, âOfficer down!â she practically screamed, turning his body around and starting CPR on him. Two paramedics came in, taking over from her as she stood and watched, panicked.
The other officers searched the whole apartment, room by room, and once they deemed the place secured, they lowered their weapons, and someone came to you and Ellie, asking if the two of you were okay.
But⌠how? You hadnât called them. You were looking for your phone to call.
âDid you call the police sweetie?â you asked your daughter. She shook her head.
âOfficer Williams called us himself, maâam, reporting the home invasion. We are gonna take you to the hospital for your injuries, but weâre gonna need you to answer some questions, okay?â
Your husbandâs partner came over, whispering something to one of the officers, her face both sad and angry at the same time. She couldnât look at you and Ellie. You could see the tears in her eyes. The officersâ faces fell, their heads down.
Oh God. No.
You thought it. Especially given the fact that his eyes were open, that there was no pulse, that the amount of blood underneath him could have very well emptied him, but you found yourself not ready for it to be confirmed.
The officer came and took a knee in front of you and your daughter, a crestfallen look on his face.
âMrs Williams, technically we have to wait for the doctors to announce this officially, but Iâm very sorry to inform you that your husband, Officer Eric WilliamsâŚâ
You couldnât focus anymore. You held your baby as tightly as you could, trying to calm your little girl who couldnât quite comprehend what the officer was saying, your tears falling thick and fast down your cheeks.
âSarah?â Joel knocked softly on her very pink, slightly opened door, the massive butterfly wings she had insisted he hang on it for her flapping as he did. âWake up Baby Girl, itâs your first day of school,â he cooed, pushing the door open, his face immediately bathed by the slowly revolving tiny little pink and purple butterfly shapes that was her nightlight.
âBaby Girl?â he whispered, placing his large hand on her tiny shoulder, shaking it a little.
âNoâŚâ she moaned, turning over, yawning, stretching, before settling back into a much desired sleep.
Joel huffed a small laugh, sitting at the edge of the bed, âHey, come on, you were very excited last night! Couldnât stop talking about it! Wakey-wakey! Are we going to wake up or do we need a tickle?â he threatened.
âNo Daddy no tickle! No!!!â she squealed as his fingers began tickling her middle, her little legs kicking the blanket away from trying to get her beloved Daddy from tickling her. She got a bit too excited and her little heel accidentally caught him by his jaw, to which Joel howled in pain, holding his jaw and burying his face in his daughterâs pillow, pretending to cry.
Sarah stopped kicking, immediately sitting up.
âDaddy?â her little voice squeaked, âDaddy Iâm sorry. Daddy?â she tried to take his hand from his jaw, eager to coax her crying Daddy. âI kiss it better, okay? Move your hand Daddy, I kiss it better for you,â she tried, using all her might to pull his hand off his jaw. She finally managed to. So she lay down next to him and tried to kiss his jaw better, only to be surprised by a jokey roar and a face full of scratchy kisses.
âNo Daddy! Itâs scratchy! Youâre smelly Daddy!â she squealed, pushing her Daddyâs face away, mildly repulsed by her Daddyâs morning breath, forgetting she had one too.
âThen letâs get up and brush our teeth and get ready for school, okay?â he mumbled, hugging her little body in his arms, taking deep, deep breaths of the top of her head in the process.
Sarah insisted that a big girl like herself can brush her teeth herself, can shower herself too. Go Daddy, go brush your teeth and shower. You stinky Daddy.
Well, thank you very much, young lady.
Joel couldnât help himself from leaving the bathroom door open a little as he let his âbig girlâ shower by herself. He laid the clothes she had chosen the night before for her on her now neatly made bed, all in order she would need to put them on. She had stood over him the night before with her hands on her waist and nagged him about that little habit of his. âLeave the clothes Daddy. Donât put them on my bed. I big girl now,â she had insisted, she didnât need him to lay her clothes out for her like sheâs five.
Okay, Little Lady.
But Joel couldnât help himself. His daughter, the love of his life was going to Kindergarten today, and there was nothing he could do about it.
If it were up to him alone, Sarah would be locked in a safe with bubble wraps around her, in a highly secure house with the highest level of security he could afford.
And before you ask, yeah, she would need a chastity belt at some point. Deter them horny boys from harming his precious little girl.
He actually considered homeschooling her. But Tommy had kindly reminded him that it took him 12 years to finally read the analogue clock correctly. The heck was he going to teach Sarah if he couldnât do it himself? So yeah, she had to go to school so she could grow up and be someone, go to college and have a great job. She was never going to get her back broken, her body aching from hard work, her clothes soiled and her hands dirty to make a living, unlike him. He would do anything to make sure of that.
But it meant that she will be out there with the other children, day in and day out. People will see her.
And the last thing he wanted was for her to be laughed at for feeling like wearing mismatched outfits on her first day of school.
He was worried for her. Not just for her safety but also how the other children would treat her. What if she got bullied? Children can be cruel, and Sarah was a girl without a mother. He was all she had. He had planned on sending Sarah to daycare as soon as she could walk, but his fear for her safety stopped him. So he had kept her as close as he could to him, only dropping her off at the Adlerâs next door whenever he had some extra job he had to do. And the only reason he would take any extra job was Sarah.
He would do anything for Sarah. He will always do anything for Sarah.
He promised Daisy he would.
Joel remembered that day as if it was yesterday, easily the best and worst day of his life. He was holding his Baby Girl in his left arm, holding Daisyâs head in his right, both their eyes glistening, both deliriously happy, feeling so complete. They were at the top of the world. Nothing could ever bring them down now.
Three minutes and twelve seconds.
Thatâs all his darling wife got for a chance to lay her eyes on perfect baby Sarah after carrying her for nine months and three days. Joel was just about to hand Sarah back over to the nurse when Daisy grabbed his arm and looked him straight in the eyes.
She looked so pale, so tired, yet so happy, so content. She smiled that smile he loved so much, caressed Sarahâs cheek as well as his own, and whispered the words Joel would never forget for the rest of his life.
âLove her for the both of us, Joel. Love her for the both of us. Promise me.â
And then all the machines started beeping, the nurses took Sarah off his hands as he lost his head, screaming for someone to do something. But his beautiful wifeâs eyes closed slowly as her hand caressed his face one last time, falling limply to her side, that smile still on her face as she flatlined.
The haemorrhaging was too severe. She lost too much blood too quickly.
Just like that, Joel lost the love of his life, leaving him a single father at the age of 25.
He had no idea what he was doing.
The months leading up to the birth, Daisy had left him book after pregnancy and parenting book to read on his nightstand, but the pile kept getting higher. He was a labourer back then, working every job he could find so he could make as much as he could to prepare for Sarahâs arrival. He was usually asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow, waking up earlier than usual to travel to his work sites.
Daisy was supposed to be the one staying home with Sarah. She was planning on taking a couple of years off work to stay at home with Sarah until she was old enough to go to daycare and make friends.
But that plan had gone to pot.
Unbeknownst to him, Daisy had a life insurance policy, one her late parents had set up for her. Half to go to Sarahâs college fund, the other half for him to start his own business as he had always wanted to do.
That was exactly what he did. He had wanted to have a construction company of his own, but that plan was now moot. He had Sarah. Who was going to keep an eye on her while he worked? So he made do with the next best thing. Something that would still be within his field of expertise but still gave him enough flexibility so he could take care of Sarah.
He opened a DIY store. Sarah had her own crib in his office. The pantry was filled with formula, bottles and baby food. Tommy came and helped a few days a week, his brother in law Eddie and his wife Tess taking Sarah every now and again to give him a break and to let her bond with her one and only cousin, Daniel.
But that was it. That was his village, them and Mrs Adler next door. He trusted no one else. Even Jesse and Dina, his staff who had been working with him since the beginning were only trusted to keep an eye on her for a few minutes at a time, maybe while he was loading stuff or dealing with customers.
So, no. Joel Miller did not like to have his eyes off his little girl. The only reason he felt a bit at ease about sending her to the kindergarten was because Tess was a teacher there, and Daniel would be in the same class as her.
As for his fear that he did not do a good job being both father and mother to the little girl, well⌠that was something he didnât even want to think about right now. That can be saved for later.
But none of his own insecurities matter right now.
Itâs his Baby Girlâs first day in school. First full day where he will drop her off to be cared for by complete strangers and hope he had done a good enough job to have prepared her for this day.
He fed his daughter her breakfast, scrambled eggs with tablespoon peanut butter today, her request. The little girl devoured her scrambled eggs, picked up her tablespoon peanut butter and merrily walked out the front door while he was still struggling with cutting the crusts off her sandwich. He doesnât usually do that. But he wasnât going to send his daughter off to school with crusts on her sandwich like some caveman.
But why was the bread flattening? Why did the pictures of the sandwiches he saw online look all perfect and pretty? Okay, heâll Google how to make perfect sandwiches later for tomorrow, he thought, adding the now flattened sandwich to the paper bag full of lunch. He picked the bag up, calculating in his mind if it was enough for her morning break and lunch.
PB&J, check.
One French Toast, check.
Two Jell-O cups, check.
Strawberry yoghurt, check.
Apple and orange slices, check.
A scoop of Fruit Loops, check.
A Cracker Stackers Lunchables pack, check.
Cheese sticks, check.
A handful of cashews and raisins, check.
Mini M&Ms bag, check.
Sour sticks, check.
2 juice boxes, check.
She wonât go hungry, right? Sheâll make it until 3.30?
Images of his daughter crawling out of the Kindergarten to get to him, all weak and emaciated from hunger kept flashing in his mind.
Okay, maybe just one more pack of Lunchables. You can never be too safe these days.
âDaddy! School!â
âIâm coming, Baby Girl,â he said, tossing an extra apple and a juice box in the bag, now bursting at its seams, her fancy new purple water bottle hanging from his middle finger.
âOh my God, Joel, are you trying to feed the whole class?â Tess remarked, shocked at the size of the paper bag full of food Joel had thrust into her hand, bigger than Sarahâs actual school bag.
âWell, she might get hungry!â
âJoel, sheâll be fine!â
Joel rubbed his face, looking at his little girl. She was settled in the seat in front of her cousin, now distracted by something Daniel was showing her from his bag.
âMaybe I should stay, in case she needs me.â
Tess introduced him to Sarahâs teacher Miss Lydia.
Joel nodded and smiled but kept getting distracted. Tess finally pulled him away to the side.
âJoel, I know itâs difficult. Itâs difficult for me too, remember?â
Joel sighed. Shit. Of course she does.
âIâm sorry,â he said, pulling his sister in law into a hug. âHow are you doing?â
Tess shrugged, taking a deep, stuttered breath. âIâm trying to not think about how much Eddie would have wanted to be here, you know? He was talking about coaching little league one day,â she managed to get out, her voice shaky, her fingers swiping at the droplets forming in her eyes. âDaniel, he was asking if his Daddy would be with him in spirit today. Heâs excited to be in school, but heâs already asking if we can go to his grave today after school. Didnât want to go yesterday, wanted to come to school first. He wanted to tell him about his first day,â she wiped her tears off. âSo, thatâs where Iâll be after school, and thereâs a chance I might ask someone else to sit with my class while I sob in the bathroom,â she joked, furiously wiping her eyes once more.
âThis morning, he wanted his omelettes the way Eddie used to make, threw a tantrum when it didnât taste the same. I tried, I really did, but he was justâŚâ she shook her head, scratching her forehead, trying to have something to do with hands.
Joel listened, not really knowing what to say.
Tess scoffed, âListen to me, complaining about my dead husband not being here. Are you okay? You must be missing Daze today, huh?â
Joel smiled, as much as he could muster anyway. He gave her the smile he gave everyone since the day Sarah was born. People had told him that his genuine smiles were reserved for Sarah now. The smile he used to have for everyone long gone since his wife passed. He was grumpy now, to everyone, save for Sarah. That little girl got the best version of him, as she should.
âItâs not the same Tess, you know that. Sarah didnât ask me if her Mommy would be here for her, didnât ask to go visit. We went yesterday, she told her Mommy all about her new bag, her new water bottle and shoes. Didnât ask about her before bed. Weâll go again this Sunday, as we usually do. Unlike your son with Eddie, Sarah doesnât remember her Mommy at all. I tell her about Daze, but itâs different, you know? I canât even imagine, Tess,â he said, rubbing her arm.
Tess laughed, forced, but a laugh, nonetheless. She gave her brother in law a small push on the shoulder.
âNow, go say goodbye to your daughter. Iâll peek every now and again. Sheâll be fine, Joel. I promise.â
Joel gave Tess a quick hug, thanking her. He went to Sarah, told her he was leaving now.
âYou have fun in school today, okay? I will pick you up after school. If you need anything, you tell Miss Lydia and Auntie Tess, okay?â
Sarah nodded. She raised her hand for him to pick her up for a hug. âYou be okay Daddy? You go to work? I see you later?â
Joel hugged her until she squeaked, nodding into her shoulder. Donât cry, Joel, donât cry. He gave her a long kiss on her cheek, telling her he loved her.
âI love you too, Daddy,â Sarah cooed back, patting her Daddy on the back.
Joel sat in his truck in the parking lot for a good 30 minutes before wiping his face and leaving, knowing exactly where he was going to go.
You opened your eyes, the room slightly darkened, the cheap curtains you got at the store you will start working at doing their job well. The living room that you were sleeping in was warm enough under the blanket. You relit the stove once when you got up to use the bathroom. Autumn had just started, but the night chill was no joke.
This was alright, you thought. You did feel a bit reluctant to take the cottage. Not because of its state or anything, but it was simply the thought of starting over that made you nervous.
Things have changed after Ericâs passing. You were supposed to go back to work once Ellie was in school, so that part wasnât a surprise. But you didnât expect to be alone when that happened. Throughout the journey here, the dollar signs didnât leave your mind. Rent, bills, food, school⌠how were you going to do this?
Maria, the sweet friend that she was, had been hosting you and Ellie for the past few days. She helped you get a job at the store though her friend Frank who was a manager there. He in turn introduced you to his husband Bill, who hooked you up with this place.
It was as if the universe aligned and made a path for you and Ellie. It felt like you finally caught a break, you were lucky considering, but things were not going to be easy.
You start work at the store next week. Your pay there would be your main source of income. Your late husbandâs pension wasnât going to pay for a growing girlâs needs on its own. He hadnât been with the police department very long, so it wasnât much. But it should help. Ericâs life insurance helped make sure Ellie had a good start to her college fund. You vowed never to touch that money. Not after everything that went down in order for you to get it. But you needed to budget correctly. You needed to build up a saving again.
Maria had taken you and Ellie to the food bank, introduced you around, just so you could have a head start with groceries. You didnât have much seed money, so that was helpful. The church had given you and Ellie some winter clothes to prepare ahead of time. You didnât have a winter where you were from, so that was taken care of. Ellie was starting school in a few days, so Maria took her shopping for new clothes today. She pushed your hand away when you tried to give her cash for it, telling you that your money wasnât good with her. She had actually insisted you and Ellie stay with her until you got back on your feet, but she was a busy, single lady. You didnât want to encroach on her private space for too long. Plus, she lived in a single bedroom condo, not ideal for your active toddler.
âHereâs the place,â Bill opened the door to the smallest, quaintest looking cottage you had ever seen in real life, just a few days after you arrived in town. âItâs technically for the groundskeeper, who is me, but I already have a place to stay, so I talked to the priest and he said you could stay here for as long as you need, rent free, and the church will pay for the utilities as well. All you have to do in exchange is take care of the place and help out with the upkeep of the cemetery on your free days.â
The cottage was a lot smaller than the small house you and your daughter shared with your late husband, but itâs bigger than a motel room, and you wouldnât be invading Mariaâs privacy much longer, so thatâs something. And Ellie would actually have a bedroom of her own. You could just sleep on the couch. Though that looked⌠dusty, dirty, unstable. The whole place looked it, to be honest. Your footsteps left footprints an inch deep on the floor. It really looked as if no one had stepped foot in there for years.
Itâs okay. Beggars canât be choosers. Itâs a free roof over your daughterâs head. You should just be thankful Ellie wouldnât be sleeping on the streets. Sheâll be warm here. And not to mention the room she had to play around, the cottage stood on quite a bit of land.
âThe place has been unoccupied for a while, Iâve been doing this job for at least 15 years, and it was supposed to be for me to live in. Usually the caretakers and groundskeepers are people who travelled here for the job, so this cottage comes with the job. But I am from here and I have an established home life, so itâs just been sitting here since I took over. Frank and I will come over this weekend, help you with the clean-up, Maria will come too, Iâm sure,â Bill said, the grumpy looking man surprisingly soft and gentle with you. âWe have a spare mattress we can give you for the little one, and Iâm sure the church could get you a futon or a sofa bed to replace this couch, it doesnât look the steadiest,â he said, pushing the cushion in with his hand, and the material just about disintegrated. âWeâll have it ready by the time you move in,â he assured you.
âItâs really okay, Bill, this is far too generous already⌠I can make doâŚâ
âAnnie,â Bill gently said, âJust because itâs free, doesnât mean it has to be subpar. Weâll clean it up. Okay?â
You nodded, taking mental notes on what you would need to get to make the place more comfortable for you and Ellie.
Cleaning supplies. A lot of it. Curtains for privacy. Sheets, blankets, pillows. Pots and pans. Plates, bowls, cutleries. Groceries. Those will have to do for now. Ellie can do her homework on the dining table. You wonât buy furniture. The probability was, you wonât even stay here for long. It wasnât your place to stay that long at. You werenât even the actual groundskeeper. And you were raised to never expect too much from people, never take their generosity for granted.
You were going to work hard and find a place of your own as soon as you could. You might have to move on soon anyway. You never know. Itâs why you were so eager to save up. Just in case. Doesnât hurt to have a back up plan. Rainy days, all that.
So far, your new start was great.
When Saturday was over, with the help of Maria, Frank and Bill, the house had been scrubbed clean top to bottom, a new second hand pull out couch placed in the living room, a new-ish mattress put in on Ellieâs bed. The house was sparse, but enough for the two of you. Your daughter will be warm at night. She had a bed to sleep in. She would have hot water to shower with. Electricity to light up her nights. You could cook her a warm meal.
You helped your daughter put all her new stationeries into her bag, a black one you got from the thrift store. There was a pretty pink one, but she didnât want that one. She was insistent on the black one. Black water bottle too. Black food container. Even the clothes she chose with Maria were black.
You worried about her. She was never a girly girl, there was never a Barbie doll in your house. But this new attraction to the colour black?
Donât focus too much on that. Donât.
Itâs a coincidence that this new colour was the same colour as the bag her father was carried out of the house in, right?
Your daughter was not traumatized, right?
She was her usual chatty self, with you, with Maria. She didnât have any problems getting along with Bill and Frank. But in other waysâŚ
You couldnât afford therapy yet. That, and⌠other reasons. So for now, you had to make do and pray your daughter was alright. Even if you did live next to the cemetery.
Saw her father carried out of the house in a body bag. Obsession with the colour black. Living next to the cemetery.
She wonât grow up with some morbid fascination with death, right? Right?
Youâll have to worry about that another day. This was all you could afford right now. Thisâll do. Thisâll have to do.
You slowly peeled yourself away from your daughterâs clutches, the girl leaving the comfort of her bed and joining you in the living room before you even fell asleep. She didnât budge, tired out from helping Maria clear the garden the day before. They even planted some flower plants that Bill brought over, just a few varieties that would still bloom in early autumn, something to get the place started. She was excited to have a proper garden, she loved that the flowers were coming from the ground instead of a pot, already peeking outside at every opportunity to see if the flowers had grown some more.Â
She was far too young to remember the garden at your parentsâ place. Eric didnât have any family, and by the time she was old enough to remember, the three of you were living in an apartment. Not exactly ideal to have a garden. Plus, she didnât exactly spend that much time outdoors back then.
You made yourself a cup of tea, slowly sipping it by the kitchen window, watching the sun come up. You needed to start with your work at the cemetery today. Just raking the leaves, according to Bill. He would do the heavy lifting but having you help out with the raking on the weekends would help a lot, seeing as weekends are a popular time for visitors to visit their loved ones.
The thought brought shivers to your spine. Autumn time. Raking leaves. Itâs a job that will never get done.
But hey, you wouldnât have to work out, huh? And itâs not like you had anyone to look good for anyway. This job will keep you fit, you can certainly keep up with your daughter, thatâs for sure.
âMama?â you heard your daughter call out, her voice followed by the sounds of frantic scrambling and a small thud on the floor, her little feet running around.
âIâm here sweetie, in the kitchen,â you called out, immediately placing your mug on the small kitchen table and going to get her. You were hardly out of the kitchen before she ran face on into you, her face in your belly, her arms wrapped around your legs as much as they could manage.
âI thought you leftâŚâ she started to mumble, her shoulders starting to shake, her voice cracking.
âHey,â you coaxed, picking her up. âIâm here. Iâm not going anywhere.â
âDonât leave meâŚâ she sobbed, her face buried in your neck.
This was a normal occurrence now. She refused to leave your side. The amount of time you came out of the bathroom to find her right outside was crazy. She followed you around like a little puppy, going so far as to drop whatever she was doing to follow you out of the room to wherever you were going.
God, how were you going to leave her at school tomorrow?
Deep down, you knew this was all to do with Ericâs death. That, and the new place, the new people, it was all a bit much for her. All you could do right now was hope things get better and that she would settle soon. In the meantime, you would be there for her, keep an eye out and look for a therapist for her should she need one again.
After a quick breakfast, you led your daughter out to the cemetery, telling her not to wander off. You didnât even have to worry about that though, her clinginess followed right out the front door. She was always less than two steps ahead or behind you, using the headstones to practice her reading. She was more than happy to help keep the leaves down once youâve collected them in one place, sitting on them to prevent the pile from blowing off. She then helped transfer them onto the wheelbarrow, one small handful at a time.
The two of you retired to the cottage for lunch and rest. You helped Ellie repack her bag for school, the little girl surprisingly particular about how her stuff should be arranged in the bag. She made a list of what she wanted for lunch from what little you had in the kitchen, French toast with honey and an omelette, an apple and a yoghurt. You worried that she might be hungry, but she promised you she will eat a big breakfast, TWO whole pieces of toasts with jam and butter. I promise Mama.
Well, okay then, Little Lady.
No Little Lady Mama, Jelly Belly, like Auntie Maria said.
Okay, sweetie, whatever you want.
The two of you went back in the evening, you pulling a cart behind you. Bill had mentioned that people would usually discard dried or wilted flowers from the previous week on the ground after putting fresh ones in, so those would need to be thrown out. He usually does it on Mondays, but you thought you would do it â thatâs considered light work, right?
Ellie, as she did that morning, followed you closely, using the time you were picking up flowers to read the names on the headstones, your stops at each one often delayed when she couldnât read the names fast enough.
âMama, why do people put flowers here?â
âWell, people want to bring gifts to their loved ones. They loved them when they were alive, and they miss them, so they bring flowers to leave at the grave.â
âBut Papa didnât have a grave. He was creamed.â
âCremated, sweetie. Papa wanted to be cremated. So, Papa is not at a cemetery. We didnât bury him.â
âSo no flowers for Papa?â
âWell, if you wanted to, we can leave flowers for Papa somewhere. We can put a vase in the house for us to put flowers for him if you want?â
She shook her head before moving on to the next headstone.
Well, that was the longest she had ever talked about Eric since his passing. Thatâs progress.
You walked on, going to the next headstone in the row to pick up the discarded flowers, and the next and the next. You realized that Ellie had stopped in front of one that didnât have any flowers.
âWhatâs wrong sweetie?â
âDaisy M-A-T-T-H-E-W-S.â
âMatthews. Daisy Matthews.â
âThere are no flowers.â
âMaybe they didnât visit today?â you guessed, looking at the headstone. Daisy Matthews. Died five years ago, around your age, based on the date of birth. Beloved Mother, Wife, Sister.
âDaisy is a flower,â your daughter mulled.
âThatâs right sweetie, Daisy is a flower. Very good.â
âBut there are no flowers here.â
âMaybe thereâll be some next week?â
She took off running.
âEllie! Careful sweetie!â you shouted, going after her, shocked at her speed.
You found her in your garden, trying to pluck daisies from the freshly plated planter box. You got her the shears, and helped her cut five stems, and followed her when she went running back. When you found her, she had placed the flowers in the vase at the base of the headstone.
âDaisies for Daisy,â she said before standing back up, smiling at you, looking so proud of herself.
âThatâs very nice of you sweetie. Come on, letâs go. We donât want to stay out too late.â
She ran off to the next headstone, merrily spelling out the next name as you stood in front of the now decorated headstone. She was your age, a mother, a wife, a sister. You couldnât help but wonder if her child, husband and brother were alright. She wasnât even 25 when she died. Her grave was clean, the grass trimmed, the stone polished. Someone clearly visited often.
âMama, how do you say this name?â
âComing sweetie,â you absentmindedly answered, running your fingers on her name, saying goodbye without you even realizing it, before moving on to join your daughter.
âEllie sweetie, I have to go. I have to go to work. I will come and get you at three, okay? Will you be a good girl and cooperate please?â you cooed at your daughter who was now clinging to you like a koala, refusing to let go.
âCome Ellie, sit next to me. We can be friends,â the little girl sat at the table next to hers chimed in.
You squatted next to the table, Ellie still wrapped around your torso.
âWhatâs your name sweetie?â
âSarah,â the little girl shyly answered.
âHi Sarah, this is Ellie, Ellie, will you say hi to Sarah?â
Ellie lifted her head slightly, giving Sarah a little wave. Sarah waved back, a sweet smile on her lips.
âI have cheese sticks. You like cheese sticks?â
Ellie nodded, âI have an apple and yoghurt. You like those?â
Sarah nodded enthusiastically. âI have apples too. My daddy gave me some. We can share and eat lunch together!â
Ellie smiled, and you could feel her clutch on you loosening.
âEllie, letâs sit down, okay? We are about to start, you will see your Mama again after school. Until then, I will look after you, okay? Sarah will too, right Sarah?â Miss Lydia, her teacher said.
It took a while, but your little girl finally conceded, hugging you goodbye one more time.
She tried to let go of you, but but despite the bravado you displayed earlier, you found yourself unable to let go, hugging the little girl much too tightly to the point that you could hear her breathing got strangled.
âMama,â she squeaked, pushing your shoulder slightly.
âSorry,â you said, trying not to cry. You placed her down and kissed her one more time, hugging her once more. She let you, nodding as you whispered you will wait for her when school ended.
You shook Miss Lydiaâs hand and gave Sarah a pat on her tiny shoulder, walking out before you burst into tears.
There was only one car left aside from yours in the parents parking lot when you got there. A truck parked right next to yours. A man was sitting in it, looking forlorn. He looked up as you approached, wiping your eyes as you did. Your eyes met as you unlocked your door. He gave you a sad, understanding smile, which you returned, knowing at that very moment that he was going through the exact same thing you were, just two parents not willing or prepared to say goodbye.
Joel Miller was doing the best he can as a single dad, relying on his 'village' to raise his little girl after the sudden death of his wife. All was fine until his BabyGirl came home from her first day of school with a bruise on her arm, courtesy of the new girl in school.
WARNINGS: Enemy to Lovers, Secrets, Misunderstanding, Jealousy, Fluff, Pining, Loneliness, Helicopter Parenting, OverProtective Dad, More to add as story moves on.
MASTER LIST
Disclaimer - I don't beta my work, and English is not my first language, so sorry if there are errors. Also, I know I said 14th June. I have zero self control. Sorry.
There was a weird taste in your mouth. Metal? Salted metal? Your head felt the heaviest it had ever felt.
Oh God that hurts. Why was your head throbbing?
You could feel the carpet on your face. You were face down, you think?
What happened? Why was it so quiet in here? Aside from the ringing in your ears, you couldnât hear anything else.
You opened your eyes, your sight obscured by thick, sticky liquid. And you saw him. Lying face down, head turned towards you, his glassy, unfocused eyes half opened, blood pooling under his belly.
âEric?â your voice came out weak, putting your arms before you and pulling yourself towards him. âEric!â you were shaking him, as much as you could with your limited energy. âHoney, wake up!â
Nothing.
You finally placed your bloody fingers on his pulse point.
Nothing. Oh God. Oh God. No, no, no, no, noâŚ
You looked around you, looking for your phone through the mess that was your living room. Your eyes swept through the turned over coffee table, the dining chairs, the holes in the wall, your former front door now half-off its hinges, the broken glass all over the floor, Where was it? Where did you last see it? You needed to call the cops. An ambulance. Someone.
And then you saw it. His gun. Just there⌠on the floor.
âMama?â
Ellie.
Just like that, you shot up from your face down position, blood trickling from your temple.
âEllie! Ellie sweetie? Where are you?â you were screaming, but all that came out were croaks.
By some miracle you managed to pull yourself up, your wrist and shoulder screaming in protest, eyes frantically searching for your daughter.
âMama?â your sweet little girlâs voice came ringing out once more, followed by the sounds of the kitchen cabinet door opening. Your sweet little girl crawled out, your phone in her hand. âMama are you okay? You didnât wake up! I shake you but you didnât wake up!â
âOh sweetie, Iâm sorry! Iâm so sorry!â
âIs Papa okay? He wonât wake up too⌠like youâŚâ
You somehow managed to reach your daughter, taking her into your arms, hugging the life out of her, making sure your body was between her and Eric. She shouldnât see him like that.
âIâm okay sweetie. Iâm okay,â you assured her in what sounded like a harsh whisper, pulling back to take a look at her, and your heart dropped.
There was a cut in her eyebrow, blood trickling down her beautiful, tear-streaked, fearful little face.
You placed your shaky fingers next to the cut, not daring to touch it, as she did the same to your much bigger cut on your temple.
âI hide under the sink Mama. Iâm sorry I hide.â
âNo, sweetie, I told you to hide, remember? You were supposed to hide. You did what I asked you to do. You did the right thing. Iâm not mad at you sweetie.â
Fuck, why was your voice coming out like that?
The sounds of sirens came barrelling down the street, louder and louder, closer and closer. Before long there were armed police at your door, guns drawn out, warning you and your five year old daughter that they were coming in.
Officer Anderson, your husbandâs partner, came in after the first two police officers, checking Ericâs pulse. She radioed the paramedics to come in, âOfficer down!â she practically screamed, turning his body around and starting CPR on him. Two paramedics came in, taking over from her as she stood and watched, panicked.
The other officers searched the whole apartment, room by room, and once they deemed the place secured, they lowered their weapons, and someone came to you and Ellie, asking if the two of you were okay.
But⌠how? You hadnât called them. You were looking for your phone to call.
âDid you call the police sweetie?â you asked your daughter. She shook her head.
âOfficer Williams called us himself, maâam, reporting the home invasion. We are gonna take you to the hospital for your injuries, but weâre gonna need you to answer some questions, okay?â
Your husbandâs partner came over, whispering something to one of the officers, her face both sad and angry at the same time. She couldnât look at you and Ellie. You could see the tears in her eyes. The officersâ faces fell, their heads down.
Oh God. No.
You thought it. Especially given the fact that his eyes were open, that there was no pulse, that the amount of blood underneath him could have very well emptied him, but you found yourself not ready for it to be confirmed.
The officer came and took a knee in front of you and your daughter, a crestfallen look on his face.
âMrs Williams, technically we have to wait for the doctors to announce this officially, but Iâm very sorry to inform you that your husband, Officer Eric WilliamsâŚâ
You couldnât focus anymore. You held your baby as tightly as you could, trying to calm your little girl who couldnât quite comprehend what the officer was saying, your tears falling thick and fast down your cheeks.
âSarah?â Joel knocked softly on her very pink, slightly opened door, the massive butterfly wings she had insisted he hang on it for her flapping as he did. âWake up Baby Girl, itâs your first day of school,â he cooed, pushing the door open, his face immediately bathed by the slowly revolving tiny little pink and purple butterfly shapes that was her nightlight.
âBaby Girl?â he whispered, placing his large hand on her tiny shoulder, shaking it a little.
âNoâŚâ she moaned, turning over, yawning, stretching, before settling back into a much desired sleep.
Joel huffed a small laugh, sitting at the edge of the bed, âHey, come on, you were very excited last night! Couldnât stop talking about it! Wakey-wakey! Are we going to wake up or do we need a tickle?â he threatened.
âNo Daddy no tickle! No!!!â she squealed as his fingers began tickling her middle, her little legs kicking the blanket away from trying to get her beloved Daddy from tickling her. She got a bit too excited and her little heel accidentally caught him by his jaw, to which Joel howled in pain, holding his jaw and burying his face in his daughterâs pillow, pretending to cry.
Sarah stopped kicking, immediately sitting up.
âDaddy?â her little voice squeaked, âDaddy Iâm sorry. Daddy?â she tried to take his hand from his jaw, eager to coax her crying Daddy. âI kiss it better, okay? Move your hand Daddy, I kiss it better for you,â she tried, using all her might to pull his hand off his jaw. She finally managed to. So she lay down next to him and tried to kiss his jaw better, only to be surprised by a jokey roar and a face full of scratchy kisses.
âNo Daddy! Itâs scratchy! Youâre smelly Daddy!â she squealed, pushing her Daddyâs face away, mildly repulsed by her Daddyâs morning breath, forgetting she had one too.
âThen letâs get up and brush our teeth and get ready for school, okay?â he mumbled, hugging her little body in his arms, taking deep, deep breaths of the top of her head in the process.
Sarah insisted that a big girl like herself can brush her teeth herself, can shower herself too. Go Daddy, go brush your teeth and shower. You stinky Daddy.
Well, thank you very much, young lady.
Joel couldnât help himself from leaving the bathroom door open a little as he let his âbig girlâ shower by herself. He laid the clothes she had chosen the night before for her on her now neatly made bed, all in order she would need to put them on. She had stood over him the night before with her hands on her waist and nagged him about that little habit of his. âLeave the clothes Daddy. Donât put them on my bed. I big girl now,â she had insisted, she didnât need him to lay her clothes out for her like sheâs five.
Okay, Little Lady.
But Joel couldnât help himself. His daughter, the love of his life was going to Kindergarten today, and there was nothing he could do about it.
If it were up to him alone, Sarah would be locked in a safe with bubble wraps around her, in a highly secure house with the highest level of security he could afford.
And before you ask, yeah, she would need a chastity belt at some point. Deter them horny boys from harming his precious little girl.
He actually considered homeschooling her. But Tommy had kindly reminded him that it took him 12 years to finally read the analogue clock correctly. The heck was he going to teach Sarah if he couldnât do it himself? So yeah, she had to go to school so she could grow up and be someone, go to college and have a great job. She was never going to get her back broken, her body aching from hard work, her clothes soiled and her hands dirty to make a living, unlike him. He would do anything to make sure of that.
But it meant that she will be out there with the other children, day in and day out. People will see her.
And the last thing he wanted was for her to be laughed at for feeling like wearing mismatched outfits on her first day of school.
He was worried for her. Not just for her safety but also how the other children would treat her. What if she got bullied? Children can be cruel, and Sarah was a girl without a mother. He was all she had. He had planned on sending Sarah to daycare as soon as she could walk, but his fear for her safety stopped him. So he had kept her as close as he could to him, only dropping her off at the Adlerâs next door whenever he had some extra job he had to do. And the only reason he would take any extra job was Sarah.
He would do anything for Sarah. He will always do anything for Sarah.
He promised Daisy he would.
Joel remembered that day as if it was yesterday, easily the best and worst day of his life. He was holding his Baby Girl in his left arm, holding Daisyâs head in his right, both their eyes glistening, both deliriously happy, feeling so complete. They were at the top of the world. Nothing could ever bring them down now.
Three minutes and twelve seconds.
Thatâs all his darling wife got for a chance to lay her eyes on perfect baby Sarah after carrying her for nine months and three days. Joel was just about to hand Sarah back over to the nurse when Daisy grabbed his arm and looked him straight in the eyes.
She looked so pale, so tired, yet so happy, so content. She smiled that smile he loved so much, caressed Sarahâs cheek as well as his own, and whispered the words Joel would never forget for the rest of his life.
âLove her for the both of us, Joel. Love her for the both of us. Promise me.â
And then all the machines started beeping, the nurses took Sarah off his hands as he lost his head, screaming for someone to do something. But his beautiful wifeâs eyes closed slowly as her hand caressed his face one last time, falling limply to her side, that smile still on her face as she flatlined.
The haemorrhaging was too severe. She lost too much blood too quickly.
Just like that, Joel lost the love of his life, leaving him a single father at the age of 25.
He had no idea what he was doing.
The months leading up to the birth, Daisy had left him book after pregnancy and parenting book to read on his nightstand, but the pile kept getting higher. He was a labourer back then, working every job he could find so he could make as much as he could to prepare for Sarahâs arrival. He was usually asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow, waking up earlier than usual to travel to his work sites.
Daisy was supposed to be the one staying home with Sarah. She was planning on taking a couple of years off work to stay at home with Sarah until she was old enough to go to daycare and make friends.
But that plan had gone to pot.
Unbeknownst to him, Daisy had a life insurance policy, one her late parents had set up for her. Half to go to Sarahâs college fund, the other half for him to start his own business as he had always wanted to do.
That was exactly what he did. He had wanted to have a construction company of his own, but that plan was now moot. He had Sarah. Who was going to keep an eye on her while he worked? So he made do with the next best thing. Something that would still be within his field of expertise but still gave him enough flexibility so he could take care of Sarah.
He opened a DIY store. Sarah had her own crib in his office. The pantry was filled with formula, bottles and baby food. Tommy came and helped a few days a week, his brother in law Eddie and his wife Tess taking Sarah every now and again to give him a break and to let her bond with her one and only cousin, Daniel.
But that was it. That was his village, them and Mrs Adler next door. He trusted no one else. Even Jesse and Dina, his staff who had been working with him since the beginning were only trusted to keep an eye on her for a few minutes at a time, maybe while he was loading stuff or dealing with customers.
So, no. Joel Miller did not like to have his eyes off his little girl. The only reason he felt a bit at ease about sending her to the kindergarten was because Tess was a teacher there, and Daniel would be in the same class as her.
As for his fear that he did not do a good job being both father and mother to the little girl, well⌠that was something he didnât even want to think about right now. That can be saved for later.
But none of his own insecurities matter right now.
Itâs his Baby Girlâs first day in school. First full day where he will drop her off to be cared for by complete strangers and hope he had done a good enough job to have prepared her for this day.
He fed his daughter her breakfast, scrambled eggs with tablespoon peanut butter today, her request. The little girl devoured her scrambled eggs, picked up her tablespoon peanut butter and merrily walked out the front door while he was still struggling with cutting the crusts off her sandwich. He doesnât usually do that. But he wasnât going to send his daughter off to school with crusts on her sandwich like some caveman.
But why was the bread flattening? Why did the pictures of the sandwiches he saw online look all perfect and pretty? Okay, heâll Google how to make perfect sandwiches later for tomorrow, he thought, adding the now flattened sandwich to the paper bag full of lunch. He picked the bag up, calculating in his mind if it was enough for her morning break and lunch.
PB&J, check.
One French Toast, check.
Two Jell-O cups, check.
Strawberry yoghurt, check.
Apple and orange slices, check.
A scoop of Fruit Loops, check.
A Cracker Stackers Lunchables pack, check.
Cheese sticks, check.
A handful of cashews and raisins, check.
Mini M&Ms bag, check.
Sour sticks, check.
2 juice boxes, check.
She wonât go hungry, right? Sheâll make it until 3.30?
Images of his daughter crawling out of the Kindergarten to get to him, all weak and emaciated from hunger kept flashing in his mind.
Okay, maybe just one more pack of Lunchables. You can never be too safe these days.
âDaddy! School!â
âIâm coming, Baby Girl,â he said, tossing an extra apple and a juice box in the bag, now bursting at its seams, her fancy new purple water bottle hanging from his middle finger.
âOh my God, Joel, are you trying to feed the whole class?â Tess remarked, shocked at the size of the paper bag full of food Joel had thrust into her hand, bigger than Sarahâs actual school bag.
âWell, she might get hungry!â
âJoel, sheâll be fine!â
Joel rubbed his face, looking at his little girl. She was settled in the seat in front of her cousin, now distracted by something Daniel was showing her from his bag.
âMaybe I should stay, in case she needs me.â
Tess introduced him to Sarahâs teacher Miss Lydia.
Joel nodded and smiled but kept getting distracted. Tess finally pulled him away to the side.
âJoel, I know itâs difficult. Itâs difficult for me too, remember?â
Joel sighed. Shit. Of course she does.
âIâm sorry,â he said, pulling his sister in law into a hug. âHow are you doing?â
Tess shrugged, taking a deep, stuttered breath. âIâm trying to not think about how much Eddie would have wanted to be here, you know? He was talking about coaching little league one day,â she managed to get out, her voice shaky, her fingers swiping at the droplets forming in her eyes. âDaniel, he was asking if his Daddy would be with him in spirit today. Heâs excited to be in school, but heâs already asking if we can go to his grave today after school. Didnât want to go yesterday, wanted to come to school first. He wanted to tell him about his first day,â she wiped her tears off. âSo, thatâs where Iâll be after school, and thereâs a chance I might ask someone else to sit with my class while I sob in the bathroom,â she joked, furiously wiping her eyes once more.
âThis morning, he wanted his omelettes the way Eddie used to make, threw a tantrum when it didnât taste the same. I tried, I really did, but he was justâŚâ she shook her head, scratching her forehead, trying to have something to do with hands.
Joel listened, not really knowing what to say.
Tess scoffed, âListen to me, complaining about my dead husband not being here. Are you okay? You must be missing Daze today, huh?â
Joel smiled, as much as he could muster anyway. He gave her the smile he gave everyone since the day Sarah was born. People had told him that his genuine smiles were reserved for Sarah now. The smile he used to have for everyone long gone since his wife passed. He was grumpy now, to everyone, save for Sarah. That little girl got the best version of him, as she should.
âItâs not the same Tess, you know that. Sarah didnât ask me if her Mommy would be here for her, didnât ask to go visit. We went yesterday, she told her Mommy all about her new bag, her new water bottle and shoes. Didnât ask about her before bed. Weâll go again this Sunday, as we usually do. Unlike your son with Eddie, Sarah doesnât remember her Mommy at all. I tell her about Daze, but itâs different, you know? I canât even imagine, Tess,â he said, rubbing her arm.
Tess laughed, forced, but a laugh, nonetheless. She gave her brother in law a small push on the shoulder.
âNow, go say goodbye to your daughter. Iâll peek every now and again. Sheâll be fine, Joel. I promise.â
Joel gave Tess a quick hug, thanking her. He went to Sarah, told her he was leaving now.
âYou have fun in school today, okay? I will pick you up after school. If you need anything, you tell Miss Lydia and Auntie Tess, okay?â
Sarah nodded. She raised her hand for him to pick her up for a hug. âYou be okay Daddy? You go to work? I see you later?â
Joel hugged her until she squeaked, nodding into her shoulder. Donât cry, Joel, donât cry. He gave her a long kiss on her cheek, telling her he loved her.
âI love you too, Daddy,â Sarah cooed back, patting her Daddy on the back.
Joel sat in his truck in the parking lot for a good 30 minutes before wiping his face and leaving, knowing exactly where he was going to go.
You opened your eyes, the room slightly darkened, the cheap curtains you got at the store you will start working at doing their job well. The living room that you were sleeping in was warm enough under the blanket. You relit the stove once when you got up to use the bathroom. Autumn had just started, but the night chill was no joke.
This was alright, you thought. You did feel a bit reluctant to take the cottage. Not because of its state or anything, but it was simply the thought of starting over that made you nervous.
Things have changed after Ericâs passing. You were supposed to go back to work once Ellie was in school, so that part wasnât a surprise. But you didnât expect to be alone when that happened. Throughout the journey here, the dollar signs didnât leave your mind. Rent, bills, food, school⌠how were you going to do this?
Maria, the sweet friend that she was, had been hosting you and Ellie for the past few days. She helped you get a job at the store though her friend Frank who was a manager there. He in turn introduced you to his husband Bill, who hooked you up with this place.
It was as if the universe aligned and made a path for you and Ellie. It felt like you finally caught a break, you were lucky considering, but things were not going to be easy.
You start work at the store next week. Your pay there would be your main source of income. Your late husbandâs pension wasnât going to pay for a growing girlâs needs on its own. He hadnât been with the police department very long, so it wasnât much. But it should help. Ericâs life insurance helped make sure Ellie had a good start to her college fund. You vowed never to touch that money. Not after everything that went down in order for you to get it. But you needed to budget correctly. You needed to build up a saving again.
Maria had taken you and Ellie to the food bank, introduced you around, just so you could have a head start with groceries. You didnât have much seed money, so that was helpful. The church had given you and Ellie some winter clothes to prepare ahead of time. You didnât have a winter where you were from, so that was taken care of. Ellie was starting school in a few days, so Maria took her shopping for new clothes today. She pushed your hand away when you tried to give her cash for it, telling you that your money wasnât good with her. She had actually insisted you and Ellie stay with her until you got back on your feet, but she was a busy, single lady. You didnât want to encroach on her private space for too long. Plus, she lived in a single bedroom condo, not ideal for your active toddler.
âHereâs the place,â Bill opened the door to the smallest, quaintest looking cottage you had ever seen in real life, just a few days after you arrived in town. âItâs technically for the groundskeeper, who is me, but I already have a place to stay, so I talked to the priest and he said you could stay here for as long as you need, rent free, and the church will pay for the utilities as well. All you have to do in exchange is take care of the place and help out with the upkeep of the cemetery on your free days.â
The cottage was a lot smaller than the small house you and your daughter shared with your late husband, but itâs bigger than a motel room, and you wouldnât be invading Mariaâs privacy much longer, so thatâs something. And Ellie would actually have a bedroom of her own. You could just sleep on the couch. Though that looked⌠dusty, dirty, unstable. The whole place looked it, to be honest. Your footsteps left footprints an inch deep on the floor. It really looked as if no one had stepped foot in there for years.
Itâs okay. Beggars canât be choosers. Itâs a free roof over your daughterâs head. You should just be thankful Ellie wouldnât be sleeping on the streets. Sheâll be warm here. And not to mention the room she had to play around, the cottage stood on quite a bit of land.
âThe place has been unoccupied for a while, Iâve been doing this job for at least 15 years, and it was supposed to be for me to live in. Usually the caretakers and groundskeepers are people who travelled here for the job, so this cottage comes with the job. But I am from here and I have an established home life, so itâs just been sitting here since I took over. Frank and I will come over this weekend, help you with the clean-up, Maria will come too, Iâm sure,â Bill said, the grumpy looking man surprisingly soft and gentle with you. âWe have a spare mattress we can give you for the little one, and Iâm sure the church could get you a futon or a sofa bed to replace this couch, it doesnât look the steadiest,â he said, pushing the cushion in with his hand, and the material just about disintegrated. âWeâll have it ready by the time you move in,â he assured you.
âItâs really okay, Bill, this is far too generous already⌠I can make doâŚâ
âAnnie,â Bill gently said, âJust because itâs free, doesnât mean it has to be subpar. Weâll clean it up. Okay?â
You nodded, taking mental notes on what you would need to get to make the place more comfortable for you and Ellie.
Cleaning supplies. A lot of it. Curtains for privacy. Sheets, blankets, pillows. Pots and pans. Plates, bowls, cutleries. Groceries. Those will have to do for now. Ellie can do her homework on the dining table. You wonât buy furniture. The probability was, you wonât even stay here for long. It wasnât your place to stay that long at. You werenât even the actual groundskeeper. And you were raised to never expect too much from people, never take their generosity for granted.
You were going to work hard and find a place of your own as soon as you could. You might have to move on soon anyway. You never know. Itâs why you were so eager to save up. Just in case. Doesnât hurt to have a back up plan. Rainy days, all that.
So far, your new start was great.
When Saturday was over, with the help of Maria, Frank and Bill, the house had been scrubbed clean top to bottom, a new second hand pull out couch placed in the living room, a new-ish mattress put in on Ellieâs bed. The house was sparse, but enough for the two of you. Your daughter will be warm at night. She had a bed to sleep in. She would have hot water to shower with. Electricity to light up her nights. You could cook her a warm meal.
You helped your daughter put all her new stationeries into her bag, a black one you got from the thrift store. There was a pretty pink one, but she didnât want that one. She was insistent on the black one. Black water bottle too. Black food container. Even the clothes she chose with Maria were black.
You worried about her. She was never a girly girl, there was never a Barbie doll in your house. But this new attraction to the colour black?
Donât focus too much on that. Donât.
Itâs a coincidence that this new colour was the same colour as the bag her father was carried out of the house in, right?
Your daughter was not traumatized, right?
She was her usual chatty self, with you, with Maria. She didnât have any problems getting along with Bill and Frank. But in other waysâŚ
You couldnât afford therapy yet. That, and⌠other reasons. So for now, you had to make do and pray your daughter was alright. Even if you did live next to the cemetery.
Saw her father carried out of the house in a body bag. Obsession with the colour black. Living next to the cemetery.
She wonât grow up with some morbid fascination with death, right? Right?
Youâll have to worry about that another day. This was all you could afford right now. Thisâll do. Thisâll have to do.
You slowly peeled yourself away from your daughterâs clutches, the girl leaving the comfort of her bed and joining you in the living room before you even fell asleep. She didnât budge, tired out from helping Maria clear the garden the day before. They even planted some flower plants that Bill brought over, just a few varieties that would still bloom in early autumn, something to get the place started. She was excited to have a proper garden, she loved that the flowers were coming from the ground instead of a pot, already peeking outside at every opportunity to see if the flowers had grown some more.Â
She was far too young to remember the garden at your parentsâ place. Eric didnât have any family, and by the time she was old enough to remember, the three of you were living in an apartment. Not exactly ideal to have a garden. Plus, she didnât exactly spend that much time outdoors back then.
You made yourself a cup of tea, slowly sipping it by the kitchen window, watching the sun come up. You needed to start with your work at the cemetery today. Just raking the leaves, according to Bill. He would do the heavy lifting but having you help out with the raking on the weekends would help a lot, seeing as weekends are a popular time for visitors to visit their loved ones.
The thought brought shivers to your spine. Autumn time. Raking leaves. Itâs a job that will never get done.
But hey, you wouldnât have to work out, huh? And itâs not like you had anyone to look good for anyway. This job will keep you fit, you can certainly keep up with your daughter, thatâs for sure.
âMama?â you heard your daughter call out, her voice followed by the sounds of frantic scrambling and a small thud on the floor, her little feet running around.
âIâm here sweetie, in the kitchen,â you called out, immediately placing your mug on the small kitchen table and going to get her. You were hardly out of the kitchen before she ran face on into you, her face in your belly, her arms wrapped around your legs as much as they could manage.
âI thought you leftâŚâ she started to mumble, her shoulders starting to shake, her voice cracking.
âHey,â you coaxed, picking her up. âIâm here. Iâm not going anywhere.â
âDonât leave meâŚâ she sobbed, her face buried in your neck.
This was a normal occurrence now. She refused to leave your side. The amount of time you came out of the bathroom to find her right outside was crazy. She followed you around like a little puppy, going so far as to drop whatever she was doing to follow you out of the room to wherever you were going.
God, how were you going to leave her at school tomorrow?
Deep down, you knew this was all to do with Ericâs death. That, and the new place, the new people, it was all a bit much for her. All you could do right now was hope things get better and that she would settle soon. In the meantime, you would be there for her, keep an eye out and look for a therapist for her should she need one again.
After a quick breakfast, you led your daughter out to the cemetery, telling her not to wander off. You didnât even have to worry about that though, her clinginess followed right out the front door. She was always less than two steps ahead or behind you, using the headstones to practice her reading. She was more than happy to help keep the leaves down once youâve collected them in one place, sitting on them to prevent the pile from blowing off. She then helped transfer them onto the wheelbarrow, one small handful at a time.
The two of you retired to the cottage for lunch and rest. You helped Ellie repack her bag for school, the little girl surprisingly particular about how her stuff should be arranged in the bag. She made a list of what she wanted for lunch from what little you had in the kitchen, French toast with honey and an omelette, an apple and a yoghurt. You worried that she might be hungry, but she promised you she will eat a big breakfast, TWO whole pieces of toasts with jam and butter. I promise Mama.
Well, okay then, Little Lady.
No Little Lady Mama, Jelly Belly, like Auntie Maria said.
Okay, sweetie, whatever you want.
The two of you went back in the evening, you pulling a cart behind you. Bill had mentioned that people would usually discard dried or wilted flowers from the previous week on the ground after putting fresh ones in, so those would need to be thrown out. He usually does it on Mondays, but you thought you would do it â thatâs considered light work, right?
Ellie, as she did that morning, followed you closely, using the time you were picking up flowers to read the names on the headstones, your stops at each one often delayed when she couldnât read the names fast enough.
âMama, why do people put flowers here?â
âWell, people want to bring gifts to their loved ones. They loved them when they were alive, and they miss them, so they bring flowers to leave at the grave.â
âBut Papa didnât have a grave. He was creamed.â
âCremated, sweetie. Papa wanted to be cremated. So, Papa is not at a cemetery. We didnât bury him.â
âSo no flowers for Papa?â
âWell, if you wanted to, we can leave flowers for Papa somewhere. We can put a vase in the house for us to put flowers for him if you want?â
She shook her head before moving on to the next headstone.
Well, that was the longest she had ever talked about Eric since his passing. Thatâs progress.
You walked on, going to the next headstone in the row to pick up the discarded flowers, and the next and the next. You realized that Ellie had stopped in front of one that didnât have any flowers.
âWhatâs wrong sweetie?â
âDaisy M-A-T-T-H-E-W-S.â
âMatthews. Daisy Matthews.â
âThere are no flowers.â
âMaybe they didnât visit today?â you guessed, looking at the headstone. Daisy Matthews. Died five years ago, around your age, based on the date of birth. Beloved Mother, Wife, Sister.
âDaisy is a flower,â your daughter mulled.
âThatâs right sweetie, Daisy is a flower. Very good.â
âBut there are no flowers here.â
âMaybe thereâll be some next week?â
She took off running.
âEllie! Careful sweetie!â you shouted, going after her, shocked at her speed.
You found her in your garden, trying to pluck daisies from the freshly plated planter box. You got her the shears, and helped her cut five stems, and followed her when she went running back. When you found her, she had placed the flowers in the vase at the base of the headstone.
âDaisies for Daisy,â she said before standing back up, smiling at you, looking so proud of herself.
âThatâs very nice of you sweetie. Come on, letâs go. We donât want to stay out too late.â
She ran off to the next headstone, merrily spelling out the next name as you stood in front of the now decorated headstone. She was your age, a mother, a wife, a sister. You couldnât help but wonder if her child, husband and brother were alright. She wasnât even 25 when she died. Her grave was clean, the grass trimmed, the stone polished. Someone clearly visited often.
âMama, how do you say this name?â
âComing sweetie,â you absentmindedly answered, running your fingers on her name, saying goodbye without you even realizing it, before moving on to join your daughter.
âEllie sweetie, I have to go. I have to go to work. I will come and get you at three, okay? Will you be a good girl and cooperate please?â you cooed at your daughter who was now clinging to you like a koala, refusing to let go.
âCome Ellie, sit next to me. We can be friends,â the little girl sat at the table next to hers chimed in.
You squatted next to the table, Ellie still wrapped around your torso.
âWhatâs your name sweetie?â
âSarah,â the little girl shyly answered.
âHi Sarah, this is Ellie, Ellie, will you say hi to Sarah?â
Ellie lifted her head slightly, giving Sarah a little wave. Sarah waved back, a sweet smile on her lips.
âI have cheese sticks. You like cheese sticks?â
Ellie nodded, âI have an apple and yoghurt. You like those?â
Sarah nodded enthusiastically. âI have apples too. My daddy gave me some. We can share and eat lunch together!â
Ellie smiled, and you could feel her clutch on you loosening.
âEllie, letâs sit down, okay? We are about to start, you will see your Mama again after school. Until then, I will look after you, okay? Sarah will too, right Sarah?â Miss Lydia, her teacher said.
It took a while, but your little girl finally conceded, hugging you goodbye one more time.
She tried to let go of you, but but despite the bravado you displayed earlier, you found yourself unable to let go, hugging the little girl much too tightly to the point that you could hear her breathing got strangled.
âMama,â she squeaked, pushing your shoulder slightly.
âSorry,â you said, trying not to cry. You placed her down and kissed her one more time, hugging her once more. She let you, nodding as you whispered you will wait for her when school ended.
You shook Miss Lydiaâs hand and gave Sarah a pat on her tiny shoulder, walking out before you burst into tears.
There was only one car left aside from yours in the parents parking lot when you got there. A truck parked right next to yours. A man was sitting in it, looking forlorn. He looked up as you approached, wiping your eyes as you did. Your eyes met as you unlocked your door. He gave you a sad, understanding smile, which you returned, knowing at that very moment that he was going through the exact same thing you were, just two parents not willing or prepared to say goodbye.
Joel Miller was doing the best he can as a single dad, relying on his 'village' to raise his little girl after the sudden death of his wife. All was fine until his BabyGirl came home from her first day of school with a bruise on her arm, courtesy of the new girl in school.
LET ME KNOW IF YOU WANT TO BE ON THE TAG LIST!
WARNINGS: Enemy to Lovers, Secrets, Misunderstanding, Jealousy, Fluff, Pining, Loneliness, Helicopter Parenting, OverProtective Dad, More to add as story moves on.
Itâs his Baby Girlâs first day in school. First full day where he will drop her off to be cared for by complete strangers and hope he had done a good enough job to have prepared her for this day.
He fed his daughter her breakfast, scrambled eggs with tablespoon peanut butter today, her request. The little girl devoured her scrambled eggs, picked up her tablespoon peanut butter and merrily walked out the front door while he was still struggling with cutting the crusts off her sandwich. He doesnât usually do that. But he wasnât going to send his daughter off to school with crusts on her sandwich like some caveman.
But why was the bread flattening? Why did the pictures of the sandwiches he saw online look all perfect and pretty? Okay, heâll Google how to make perfect sandwiches later for tomorrow, he thought, adding the now flattened sandwich to the paper bag full of lunch. He picked the bag up, calculating in his mind if it was enough for her morning break and lunch.
PB&J, check.
One French Toast, check.
Two Jell-O cups, check.
Strawberry yoghurt, check.
Apple and orange slices, check.
A scoop of Fruit Loops, check.
A Cracker Stackers Lunchables pack, check.
Cheese sticks, check.
A handful of cashews and raisins, check.
Mini M&Ms bag, check.
Sour sticks, check.
2 juice boxes, check.
She wonât go hungry, right? Sheâll make it until 3.30?
Images of his daughter crawling out of the Kindergarten to get to him, all weak and emaciated from hunger kept flashing in his mind.
Okay, maybe just one more pack of Lunchables. You can never be too safe these days.
âDaddy! School!â
âIâm coming, Baby Girl,â he said, tossing an extra apple and juice box in the bag, now bursting at its seams, her fancy new purple water bottle hanging from his middle finger.
Joel Miller was doing the best he can as a single dad, relying on his 'village' to raise his little girl after the sudden death of his wife. All was fine until his BabyGirl came home from her first day of school with a bruise on her arm, courtesy of the new girl in school.
LET ME KNOW IF YOU WANT TO BE ON THE TAG LIST!
WARNINGS: Enemy to Lovers, Secrets, Misunderstanding, Jealousy, Fluff, Pining, Loneliness, Helicopter Parenting, OverProtective Dad, More to add as story moves on.
Itâs his Baby Girlâs first day in school. First full day where he will drop her off to be cared for by complete strangers and hope he had done a good enough job to have prepared her for this day.
He fed his daughter her breakfast, scrambled eggs with tablespoon peanut butter today, her request. The little girl devoured her scrambled eggs, picked up her tablespoon peanut butter and merrily walked out the front door while he was still struggling with cutting the crusts off her sandwich. He doesnât usually do that. But he wasnât going to send his daughter off to school with crusts on her sandwich like some caveman.
But why was the bread flattening? Why did the pictures of the sandwiches he saw online look all perfect and pretty? Okay, heâll Google how to make perfect sandwiches later for tomorrow, he thought, adding the now flattened sandwich to the paper bag full of lunch. He picked the bag up, calculating in his mind if it was enough for her morning break and lunch.
PB&J, check.
One French Toast, check.
Two Jell-O cups, check.
Strawberry yoghurt, check.
Apple and orange slices, check.
A scoop of Fruit Loops, check.
A Cracker Stackers Lunchables pack, check.
Cheese sticks, check.
A handful of cashews and raisins, check.
Mini M&Ms bag, check.
Sour sticks, check.
2 juice boxes, check.
She wonât go hungry, right? Sheâll make it until 3.30?
Images of his daughter crawling out of the Kindergarten to get to him, all weak and emaciated from hunger kept flashing in his mind.
Okay, maybe just one more pack of Lunchables. You can never be too safe these days.
âDaddy! School!â
âIâm coming, Baby Girl,â he said, tossing an extra apple and juice box in the bag, now bursting at its seams, her fancy new purple water bottle hanging from his middle finger.
(Could also be F Character - I just don't like using Y/N)
Joel Miller was doing the best he can as a single dad, relying on his 'village' to raise his little girl after the sudden death of his wife. All was fine until his BabyGirl came home from her first day of school with a bruise on her arm, courtesy of the new girl in school.
LET ME KNOW IF YOU WANT TO BE ON THE TAG LIST!
WARNINGS: Enemy to Lovers, Secrets, Misunderstanding, Jealousy, Fluff, Pining, Loneliness, Helicopter Parenting, OverProtective Dad, More to add as story moves on.
(Could also be F Character - I just don't like using Y/N)
Joel Miller was doing the best he can as a single dad, relying on his 'village' to raise his little girl after the sudden death of his wife. All was fine until his BabyGirl came home from her first day of school with a bruise on her arm, courtesy of the new girl in school.
LET ME KNOW IF YOU WANT TO BE ON THE TAG LIST!
WARNINGS: Enemy to Lovers, Secrets, Misunderstanding, Jealousy, Fluff, Pining, Loneliness, Helicopter Parenting, OverProtective Dad, More to add as story moves on.
Joel Miller was doing the best he can as a single dad, relying on his 'village' to raise his little girl after the sudden death of his wife. All was fine until his BabyGirl came home from her first day of school with a bruise on her arm, courtesy of the new girl in school.
LET ME KNOW IF YOU WANT TO BE ON THE TAG LIST!
WARNINGS: Enemy to Lovers, Secrets, Misunderstanding, Jealousy, Fluff, Pining, Loneliness, More to add as story moves on.
Joel Miller was doing the best he can as a single dad, relying on his 'village' to raise his little girl after the sudden death of his wife. All was fine until his BabyGirl came home from her first day of school with a bruise on her arm, courtesy of the new girl in school.
LET ME KNOW IF YOU WANT TO BE ON THE TAG LIST!
WARNINGS: Enemy to Lovers, Secrets, Misunderstanding, Jealousy, Fluff, Pining, Loneliness, Helicopter Parenting, OverProtective Dad, More to add as story moves on.